Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Schizophrenia seems to be the hot topic on the forum lately... I honestly can't even keep up with everything you all are posting 😲🤣🤣

Jose Ward4 said:Joseph Bailey41, I'm right there with you on everything you said. Honestly, I haven't had much to contribute to this discussion yet, but thank you for sharing what you know. It’s so important. Maybe someone will actually learn something about their own condition—though, let's be real, nowadays everything is labeled as an "illness" even if that's not quite right. You have a way with words, too; you explained things so much more clearly than I ever could. I already knew this stuff, but I bet plenty of people here didn't. Now they do. Do you think people realize that our true environment is nature, not all this concrete and urban chaos? I can't help but wonder if we're all falling ill simply because we've been pushed away from our natural habitat. We belong in meadows, forests, among flowers and medicinal herbs—you know what I mean, right? There are so many brilliant minds out there arguing that if you take a lion out of the wild, it will fight to get back to its natural home, otherwise, it’ll just wither away, get sick, or die out entirely. We are part of that animal kingdom, after all. I truly believe we don't act any differently.

Yeah, unfortunately. I live out in nature and spend time foraging for herbs, but when I head into the city for work, people seem more and more unhinged. Even watching discussions on online forums, I see signs of something I can't quite put a clinical name to, but it feels like a very warped way of thinking. Even teenagers seem so strange lately; I wouldn't necessarily call it "feminine," but it’s like their hormones have gone completely haywire. And honestly, without GPS, they couldn't even find their way west. My colleagues who have kids or work in education tell me they're seeing more and more students struggling with attention spans and focus, unable to sit still. Even children's cartoons have become weird, twisted, and bizarre. Even looking at toys in the store, everything seems aggressive or mean-spirited now—even the little ponies look different, like those creepy vampire zombie Barbies... it's all become so unsettling.

And things feel off in nature too. Beyond just the sudden temperature swings and those nasty slugs, there are these diseases affecting the trees in the woods; the older folks say this never used to happen. It’s almost as if everything has lost its mind. Sometimes I think those of us who dealt with mental health struggles in the past might actually be "vaccinated" against these newer varieties of madness. Maybe in a few decades, we’ll be the only sane ones left while everyone else is totally lost. Then, we might actually end up being the shamans and healers, following that old rule where "in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." 😁

Alright, let me get straight to the point about the price—I know I’m being a total bore, probably the most tedious person here, but maybe this makes things clearer: this whole thing with stuff moving around always happened right after I woke up or whenever I walked through the door from outside. The wildest instance was right before my first psychotic break. I spent the entire day just acting silly at Central Park, hanging out near a guy who feeds the fish there, and when I finally got home that evening, I found this black semi-precious stone sitting right on the blade of the knife I’d left on the table after breakfast. In my head, I totally convinced myself that God had placed it there. Even though the next day it looked a little sinister against the white knife—which actually freaked me out a bit... like, was it evil forces? Because for the next few years, obsidian just gave me this weird sense of unease. Later on, I grew to like it and started wearing it as a necklace, but the clasp broke pretty quickly and it ended up in the trash. Here’s the thing: that stone was an old gift of mine, but I’d lost track of it somewhere and hadn't seen it in years. If I had put it on the knife myself, I would’ve had to tear half the apartment apart looking for it, and I really don't think I would have remembered doing that. Or would I?
Can I bug you guys one more time about this "stuff appearing out of nowhere" thing before I switch topics?

Chloe Flores83 said:After my last psychotic break, I started trying to put everything behind me. I told myself, "Okay, it was just an illness, period. Move on." But once I started posting on the forum and replaying the whole movie in my mind, I found myself drawn back to that supernatural feeling again. It keeps pulling me back. I thought maybe hearing about other people's experiences would help me make sense of what happened—to figure out if it was strictly schizophrenia or if there might have been something from "the other side," assuming such a thing even exists. Looking back isn't exactly pleasant, but at the same time, it feels like I'm trying to clear some mental clutter.
For me, stress isn't the main trigger; it's more about having a wild imagination and asking: "What does this all mean?" Well, once I start asking that question, I know I'm in for a rough ride.

Honestly, I think the answer is pretty straightforward. Our brains are full of neurons. Those cells have synapses that allow them to communicate—basically exchanging data or bits of information. It's this constant, non-stop activity that allows us to build a complete "picture" of our surroundings. Here is a cool look at how neurons create new connections "in vitro":

Personally, I find it much easier to wrap my head around "hallucinations" now. I put that in quotes because, in the moment, the person experiencing it still sees a "picture"—it's just a distorted version of reality. Basically, those neural particles are malfunctioning, so they provide a warped image. They lie to the person about the information coming from their environment; like seeing a car parked in front of the house and feeling like it's actually following you. You often see religious hallucinations too, likely because the human brain evolved to believe in the supernatural.

Now, you can choose to obsess over all of this. Or, you can just appreciate the everyday stuff—yourself, life, the things that happen to you, and so on. But if you spend all your time stuck in that headspace, life passes you by, you waste precious time, and you'll end up forgetting to eat.
Psychosis is a very specific state of consciousness. Shamans and fools both go to great lengths using various substances to try and reach that exact state. In certain parts of the world, they actually celebrate people experiencing psychosis, having no clue at all that the individual is actually suffering from a mental disorder. It makes you wonder if many famous religious figures were actually born out of hallucinations?!

When I watch a video like the one above, the only part I find truly interesting is the research itself—trying to find a definitive answer for how the brain actually functions. Everything else is just noise.

Chloe Flores83 said:Alright, let me get straight to the point about the price—I know I’m being a total bore, probably the most tedious person here, but maybe this makes things clearer: this whole thing with stuff moving around always happened right after I woke up or whenever I walked through the door from outside. The wildest instance was right before my first psychotic break. I spent the entire day just acting silly at Central Park, hanging out near a guy who feeds the fish there, and when I finally got home that evening, I found this black semi-precious stone sitting right on the blade of the knife I’d left on the table after breakfast. In my head, I totally convinced myself that God had placed it there. Even though the next day it looked a little sinister against the white knife—which actually freaked me out a bit... like, was it evil forces? Because for the next few years, obsidian just gave me this weird sense of unease. Later on, I grew to like it and started wearing it as a necklace, but the clasp broke pretty quickly and it ended up in the trash. Here’s the thing: that stone was an old gift of mine, but I’d lost track of it somewhere and hadn't seen it in years. If I had put it on the knife myself, I would’ve had to tear half the apartment apart looking for it, and I really don't think I would have remembered doing that. Or would I?
Can I bug you guys one more time about this "stuff appearing out of nowhere" thing before I switch topics?

You wouldn't have needed to tear the apartment apart; you would have just had to go back to wherever you actually left it and set it on the knife. For everything we lose, we technically know where it is—it's just that the information is temporarily unavailable to us. That night out probably returned you to the state you were in when you tucked that stone away somewhere. You placed it in an aesthetically perfect spot (that black-on-white contrast), but once you got some sleep, you returned to your normal, everyday self, and that memory of what you did the night before simply wasn't accessible anymore. Think about who gave you the stone and how you felt about them. My guess is that there were some conflicted emotions involved—someone who was dear to you at one point, but perhaps not always.

I had a stone like that once, too—one I kept losing and finding. It was part of a pendant on a chain I got from a guy I was seeing, though I didn't really want to get serious with him because something about him felt off. One time, I complimented the chain—specifically the stone, which I can't even name, but it was black too. He took the chain off and insisted on giving it to me, even though I initially declined. When we finally broke up, I tried to give it back, but he refused to take it. I liked the stone, so I tucked it away and threw the rest of the jewelry away just so I wouldn't be reminded of him. And it used to show up randomly—not in obvious places, but tucked away in drawers or somewhere ridiculous while I was cleaning. I dragged it with me through several moves, "lost" it, found it, hid it again, and so on. I think I finally tossed it because the whole cycle was starting to drive me crazy, though I can't be entirely sure. Then, about fifteen years after we last spoke, this guy reached out to me a few days after I created a Facebook profile. He was using a fake name, had some abstract image for an avatar, and instead of introducing himself, he sent me a photo of himself in a message... just one eye visible, the other covered by a filter, trying way too hard to look mysterious. Ugh. Yeah, now I remember—I threw that stone in the trash right after that. 😠

Laura Castillo6 said:Honestly, I think the answer is pretty straightforward. Our brains are full of neurons. Those cells have synapses that allow them to communicate—basically exchanging data or bits of information. It's this constant, non-stop activity that allows us to build a complete "picture" of our surroundings. Here is a cool look at how neurons create new connections "in vitro":

Personally, I find it much easier to wrap my head around "hallucinations" now. I put that in quotes because, in the moment, the person experiencing it still sees a "picture"—it's just a distorted version of reality. Basically, those neural particles are malfunctioning, so they provide a warped image. They lie to the person about the information coming from their environment; like seeing a car parked in front of the house and feeling like it's actually following you. You often see religious hallucinations too, likely because the human brain evolved to believe in the supernatural.

Now, you can choose to obsess over all of this. Or, you can just appreciate the everyday stuff—yourself, life, the things that happen to you, and so on. But if you spend all your time stuck in that headspace, life passes you by, you waste precious time, and you'll end up forgetting to eat.
Psychosis is a very specific state of consciousness. Shamans and fools both go to great lengths using various substances to try and reach that exact state. In certain parts of the world, they actually celebrate people experiencing psychosis, having no clue at all that the individual is actually suffering from a mental disorder. It makes you wonder if many famous religious figures were actually born out of hallucinations?!

When I watch a video like the one above, the only part I find truly interesting is the research itself—trying to find a definitive answer for how the brain actually functions. Everything else is just noise.

Why though?

Peter Murphy6 said:Why though?

It’s really just because the primate brain is hardwired to hunt for explanations. Like, even right now, you’re asking "why."

Back in the day, those answers were pretty basic—you know, thinking thunder was some higher power or a god punishing people. Fast forward to today, and we have a much more detailed, scientific way of explaining why storms actually happen.

It’s just how our brains evolved. Historically, that instinct leaned heavily toward religious thinking because, honestly, it served a purpose for survival back then. Even now, most of us still carry around those little bits of superstition or religious leanings. That’s why modern science had to make such a clear distinction by stripping away anything supernatural; in the realm of science, everything has to be grounded in the natural world.

Joseph Bailey41 said:You wouldn't have needed to tear the apartment apart; you would have just had to go back to wherever you actually left it and set it on the knife. For everything we lose, we technically know where it is—it's just that the information is temporarily unavailable to us. That night out probably returned you to the state you were in when you tucked that stone away somewhere. You placed it in an aesthetically perfect spot (that black-on-white contrast), but once you got some sleep, you returned to your normal, everyday self, and that memory of what you did the night before simply wasn't accessible anymore. Think about who gave you the stone and how you felt about them. My guess is that there were some conflicted emotions involved—someone who was dear to you at one point, but perhaps not always.

I had a stone like that once, too—one I kept losing and finding. It was part of a pendant on a chain I got from a guy I was seeing, though I didn't really want to get serious with him because something about him felt off. One time, I complimented the chain—specifically the stone, which I can't even name, but it was black too. He took the chain off and insisted on giving it to me, even though I initially declined. When we finally broke up, I tried to give it back, but he refused to take it. I liked the stone, so I tucked it away and threw the rest of the jewelry away just so I wouldn't be reminded of him. And it used to show up randomly—not in obvious places, but tucked away in drawers or somewhere ridiculous while I was cleaning. I dragged it with me through several moves, "lost" it, found it, hid it again, and so on. I think I finally tossed it because the whole cycle was starting to drive me crazy, though I can't be entirely sure. Then, about fifteen years after we last spoke, this guy reached out to me a few days after I created a Facebook profile. He was using a fake name, had some abstract image for an avatar, and instead of introducing himself, he sent me a photo of himself in a message... just one eye visible, the other covered by a filter, trying way too hard to look mysterious. Ugh. Yeah, now I remember—I threw that stone in the trash right after that. 😠

Thanks so much for explaining that to me, really. Truly. Okay, let me run this one by you: I had just taken out the trash and put a fresh bag in. I was chatting away with Bogey for a second, went to grab a glass of water, and then I see two bottle caps sitting in the trash. One small Coca-Cola cap that said 'Look under the cap' (spoiler: there was nothing) and a large one from a five-liter jug of Jane that I used to buy back then. My very first thought was that maybe I put the big one in there myself and forgot. So, naturally, I checked my Jane bottle, and yep, the cap was still right there, so I definitely didn't forget. I hadn't even touched the Coke, so I didn't even try to overthink that one. The absolute dumbest part is that a few years after those letters and numbers appeared under the Coca-Cola cap—which made zero sense, obviously—they were still there. There isn't much of a message to find, other than it being literal garbage🙂 but those are the facts. And it’s not like I’m making it up, because I still have them.

Laura Castillo6 said:It’s really just because the primate brain is hardwired to hunt for explanations. Like, even right now, you’re asking "why."

Back in the day, those answers were pretty basic—you know, thinking thunder was some higher power or a god punishing people. Fast forward to today, and we have a much more detailed, scientific way of explaining why storms actually happen.

It’s just how our brains evolved. Historically, that instinct leaned heavily toward religious thinking because, honestly, it served a purpose for survival back then. Even now, most of us still carry around those little bits of superstition or religious leanings. That’s why modern science had to make such a clear distinction by stripping away anything supernatural; in the realm of science, everything has to be grounded in the natural world.

Is it giving or seeking? Or is it both happening at once?

I get what you're saying, but—honestly—you didn't really answer my question. 🕺
Why does it *have* to be the supernatural?

Sure, we figured out why thunder rolls, but there's so much stuff that hasn't even been touched yet, and it constantly gets tossed into the "supernatural" bucket.
Why the supernatural? Why isn't this just a "blind spot" in the human mind instead of being labeled "supernatural"?
I don't think I've ever met a single person who was 100% rational—someone who hasn't experienced, heard about, or even considered something "supernatural" or "spiritual." They probably exist somewhere, sure. But if it's baked into us to this extent... why?

Actually, I'll just answer myself. 😵
Maybe it's because without the supernatural—that need for the unexplained—there wouldn't even be a drive to find facts in the first place? 🤔
Maybe that whole human instinct to provide and seek explanations is actually being driven by the evolution of supernatural ideas?

Peter Murphy6 said:Is it giving or seeking? Or is it both happening at once?

I get what you're saying, but—honestly—you didn't really answer my question. 🕺
Why does it *have* to be the supernatural?

Sure, we figured out why thunder rolls, but there's so much stuff that hasn't even been touched yet, and it constantly gets tossed into the "supernatural" bucket.
Why the supernatural? Why isn't this just a "blind spot" in the human mind instead of being labeled "supernatural"?
I don't think I've ever met a single person who was 100% rational—someone who hasn't experienced, heard about, or even considered something "supernatural" or "spiritual." They probably exist somewhere, sure. But if it's baked into us to this extent... why?

Actually, I'll just answer myself. 😵
Maybe it's because without the supernatural—that need for the unexplained—there wouldn't even be a drive to find facts in the first place? 🤔
Maybe that whole human instinct to provide and seek explanations is actually being driven by the evolution of supernatural ideas?

Think of it like a mechanism: whenever you ask "why," the brain feels it "must" simultaneously provide a "because." That's how things evolve—like how a seemingly useless object eventually becomes a tool or a weapon. That's basically how intelligence develops.

From today's perspective, things seem supernatural. But back in the day, what we call supernatural was just reality to people. Nowadays, it's pretty hard to claim a natural phenomenon is truly supernatural. Sure, at first glance, something might look otherworldly, but once the dust settles, we run tests and find a natural explanation.

That's because saying "a higher power caused this" isn't really an answer anymore—not today, anyway (though you have to admit, it was a perfectly fine answer in the past).

The real answer lies in the mechanism—how it actually happened. Once you explain the process, the "supernatural" label disappears. This is because once we understand the mechanism, we can often replicate it in a lab, making it a tangible part of the human experience. We even go so far as to try and "capture" the supernatural to figure out its inner workings. It's just the way we handle questions.

Take psychosis, for example. People used to think someone was possessed by a demon. For a huge chunk of the population, that was living proof of the supernatural. But the group of people who didn't buy that explanation is exactly the group that started studying brain function. Today, very few people in developed countries believe mental illness is a matter of demonic possession. Modern neuroscience and psychiatry have provided enough real answers and developed medications to address it. We've even reached the point where we can implant devices in the brain to manage epilepsy by sending electrical impulses, essentially curing the condition for some.

Chloe Flores83 said:Thanks so much for explaining that to me, really. Truly. Okay, let me run this one by you: I had just taken out the trash and put a fresh bag in. I was chatting away with Bogey for a second, went to grab a glass of water, and then I see two bottle caps sitting in the trash. One small Coca-Cola cap that said 'Look under the cap' (spoiler: there was nothing) and a large one from a five-liter jug of Jane that I used to buy back then. My very first thought was that maybe I put the big one in there myself and forgot. So, naturally, I checked my Jane bottle, and yep, the cap was still right there, so I definitely didn't forget. I hadn't even touched the Coke, so I didn't even try to overthink that one. The absolute dumbest part is that a few years after those letters and numbers appeared under the Coca-Cola cap—which made zero sense, obviously—they were still there. There isn't much of a message to find, other than it being literal garbage🙂 but those are the facts. And it’s not like I’m making it up, because I still have them.

The message on the cap might be telling you to "cap it"—basically, stop talking about those private conversations you have with Bob, your subconscious, or whatever. Honestly, maybe you needed to hear that back then, but it feels a bit late now; everything that was supposed to happen has already happened. As for who sent the message or how... I don't know. Maybe it was a version of you from the future, someone from a parallel universe, Bob himself... or maybe it's just a silly coincidence, like someone else tossed their trash into your bin. That last one seems the most likely to me.

Regarding those numbers and letters popping up five years later, maybe you just swapped the caps by mistake. Coca-Cola puts all sorts of random codes and lettering under their caps all the time.

Joseph Bailey41 said:The message on the cap might be telling you to "cap it"—basically, stop talking about those private conversations you have with Bob, your subconscious, or whatever. Honestly, maybe you needed to hear that back then, but it feels a bit late now; everything that was supposed to happen has already happened. As for who sent the message or how... I don't know. Maybe it was a version of you from the future, someone from a parallel universe, Bob himself... or maybe it's just a silly coincidence, like someone else tossed their trash into your bin. That last one seems the most likely to me.

Regarding those numbers and letters popping up five years later, maybe you just swapped the caps by mistake. Coca-Cola puts all sorts of random codes and lettering under their caps all the time.

WEB CW57NJOF

Laura Castillo6 said:Think of it like a mechanism: whenever you ask "why," the brain feels it "must" simultaneously provide a "because." That's how things evolve—like how a seemingly useless object eventually becomes a tool or a weapon. That's basically how intelligence develops.

From today's perspective, things seem supernatural. But back in the day, what we call supernatural was just reality to people. Nowadays, it's pretty hard to claim a natural phenomenon is truly supernatural. Sure, at first glance, something might look otherworldly, but once the dust settles, we run tests and find a natural explanation.

That's because saying "a higher power caused this" isn't really an answer anymore—not today, anyway (though you have to admit, it was a perfectly fine answer in the past).

The real answer lies in the mechanism—how it actually happened. Once you explain the process, the "supernatural" label disappears. This is because once we understand the mechanism, we can often replicate it in a lab, making it a tangible part of the human experience. We even go so far as to try and "capture" the supernatural to figure out its inner workings. It's just the way we handle questions.

Take psychosis, for example. People used to think someone was possessed by a demon. For a huge chunk of the population, that was living proof of the supernatural. But the group of people who didn't buy that explanation is exactly the group that started studying brain function. Today, very few people in developed countries believe mental illness is a matter of demonic possession. Modern neuroscience and psychiatry have provided enough real answers and developed medications to address it. We've even reached the point where we can implant devices in the brain to manage epilepsy by sending electrical impulses, essentially curing the condition for some.

Just to be clear—when I say "supernatural," I’m not talking about gods or religion. Not at all. I mean the literal, unexplained stuff happening right in front of us—or even inside us—that science just hasn't been able to touch yet. There are so many things we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of.
You can talk all you want and try to make sense of it, but honestly? There’s zero proof—no actual, solid explanation to back any of it up.

Saying a rational explanation exists "just because" most things are already explained—to me, that's basically just dogma. It really just reinforces this whole obsession with stripping away anything supernatural or "unexplained."
Maybe I could say something about getting closer to people.

I don't buy into any "higher powers" above us—honestly, I’d go as far as saying I *know* it—but I do think there are things out there we might just never be able to wrap our heads around. If we can't explain them, fine, call it "supernatural." Whatever. But if we actually feel them? Well, then they aren't some outside force anymore—they just become a part of who we are.

No matter how much I hype myself up—and yeah, maybe I exaggerate a bit—I still can’t help but feel like humans are way more powerful than we actually care to admit.
Saying the supernatural doesn't exist is just as pointless as claiming it does. Honestly—it’s all just noise.

I'm not saying you actually said anything—just throwing a thought out there.

I'm pretty much on board with most of these posts—specifically when it comes to how the whole mechanism works.

Look, epilepsy is one thing, psychosis is a whole different beast—and don't even get me started on extremes. Then you've got controlled conditions, which is a fourth thing entirely.

Edit: Alright, I see I'm totally clogging up this thread—time to stop hijacking everyone else's posts and actually start my own threads with some real questions instead. 🙂

Chloe Flores83 said:WEB CW57NJOF

Haha... if you had actually checked their website the moment that new cap showed up instead of the old one, you would have just found some promotional "web content"... I honestly can't stand those little marketing gimmicks. I was actually getting my hopes up thinking we'd received a message from a parallel universe, but nope—just another total letdown. 😢

How are you guys all dealing with this?

I’m honestly just terrified of taking any meds because of the side effects—and everything I’ve been reading online—but mostly I’m scared to even tell my doctor or psychiatrist. I don't want them looking at me like I'm some freak, especially since people around here seem to think schizophrenia means having split personalities or some other nonsense they picked up from movies...

Finding work is already a struggle as it is, but when I actually land something where I have to deal with people, I just run the other way. I know if I stay in those environments, the social interaction will drain me so much that I'll end up back at that dark place again, thinking about suicide.

I'll sit there staring at my computer, trying to get stuff done for work, and five hours will fly by without me even finishing thirty minutes of actual tasks. My focus is basically non-existent. I just want the fear to stop so I can live a normal life. Even if I can't reach all my goals, I just want to live as best as I possibly can with what I've got left.

Thanks y'all

Joseph Bailey41 said:Haha... if you had actually checked their website the moment that new cap showed up instead of the old one, you would have just found some promotional "web content"... I honestly can't stand those little marketing gimmicks. I was actually getting my hopes up thinking we'd received a message from a parallel universe, but nope—just another total letdown. 😢

Yeah, true. I’ve definitely played that game before, convincing myself certain letters were always there and I just couldn't see them until they "appeared" after years of being out in the sun. It's not like I haven't tried looking for a logical explanation, but it's still pretty weird how they showed up, considering I live all by myself.

Peter Murphy6 said:Just to be clear—when I say "supernatural," I’m not talking about gods or religion. Not at all. I mean the literal, unexplained stuff happening right in front of us—or even inside us—that science just hasn't been able to touch yet. There are so many things we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of.
You can talk all you want and try to make sense of it, but honestly? There’s zero proof—no actual, solid explanation to back any of it up.

Saying a rational explanation exists "just because" most things are already explained—to me, that's basically just dogma. It really just reinforces this whole obsession with stripping away anything supernatural or "unexplained."
Maybe I could say something about getting closer to people.

I don't buy into any "higher powers" above us—honestly, I’d go as far as saying I *know* it—but I do think there are things out there we might just never be able to wrap our heads around. If we can't explain them, fine, call it "supernatural." Whatever. But if we actually feel them? Well, then they aren't some outside force anymore—they just become a part of who we are.

No matter how much I hype myself up—and yeah, maybe I exaggerate a bit—I still can’t help but feel like humans are way more powerful than we actually care to admit.
Saying the supernatural doesn't exist is just as pointless as claiming it does. Honestly—it’s all just noise.

I'm not saying you actually said anything—just throwing a thought out there.

I'm pretty much on board with most of these posts—specifically when it comes to how the whole mechanism works.

Look, epilepsy is one thing, psychosis is a whole different beast—and don't even get me started on extremes. Then you've got controlled conditions, which is a fourth thing entirely.

Edit: Alright, I see I'm totally clogging up this thread—time to stop hijacking everyone else's posts and actually start my own threads with some real questions instead. 🙂

To me feels like something existing outside the realm of nature, but personally, I view everything through a natural lens. There's no such thing as "supernatural" in my book.

steelsurfer62 said:How are you guys all dealing with this?

I’m honestly just terrified of taking any meds because of the side effects—and everything I’ve been reading online—but mostly I’m scared to even tell my doctor or psychiatrist. I don't want them looking at me like I'm some freak, especially since people around here seem to think schizophrenia means having split personalities or some other nonsense they picked up from movies...

Finding work is already a struggle as it is, but when I actually land something where I have to deal with people, I just run the other way. I know if I stay in those environments, the social interaction will drain me so much that I'll end up back at that dark place again, thinking about suicide.

I'll sit there staring at my computer, trying to get stuff done for work, and five hours will fly by without me even finishing thirty minutes of actual tasks. My focus is basically non-existent. I just want the fear to stop so I can live a normal life. Even if I can't reach all my goals, I just want to live as best as I possibly can with what I've got left.

Thanks y'all

You really need to take those meds that help you feel better while keeping the side effects (like a bad mood) to a minimum. Honestly, obsessing over reading about side effects is like standing on a curb worrying an out-of-control car might hit you—you just shouldn't let those thoughts take over.
I don't quite get how interacting with people could be the thing that kills you. That sounds like a limiting belief you really need to dig up and pull out by the roots; you've got to change how you see yourself and the world. Socializing is actually vital for survival and getting better. As for focus, that can be fixed. For me, I managed to sharpen my concentration significantly by playing chess, taking walks in the park, and staying on top of sleep and nutrition. Fear only fades when you face it head-on—meaning, doing the very things that scare you. If you have your health and your mobility, you're already starting ahead of so many people. Just remember to stay grounded and realize that not every single wish is going to come true.

Laura Castillo6 said:To me feels like something existing outside the realm of nature, but personally, I view everything through a natural lens. There's no such thing as "supernatural" in my book.

You really need to take those meds that help you feel better while keeping the side effects (like a bad mood) to a minimum. Honestly, obsessing over reading about side effects is like standing on a curb worrying an out-of-control car might hit you—you just shouldn't let those thoughts take over.
I don't quite get how interacting with people could be the thing that kills you. That sounds like a limiting belief you really need to dig up and pull out by the roots; you've got to change how you see yourself and the world. Socializing is actually vital for survival and getting better. As for focus, that can be fixed. For me, I managed to sharpen my concentration significantly by playing chess, taking walks in the park, and staying on top of sleep and nutrition. Fear only fades when you face it head-on—meaning, doing the very things that scare you. If you have your health and your mobility, you're already starting ahead of so many people. Just remember to stay grounded and realize that not every single wish is going to come true.

I don't know about you, but hanging out and dealing with people is super tough for me and just drains my battery. I used to be social all the time before I realized I was actually better off without it. I mean, having a panic attack every single time you're out with people for months on end straight... it's a lot. Plus, walking in nature actually makes me feel worse. It's not that facing fears is the issue, it's just that I spend all this time doing it and it doesn't seem to help. People don't get me, and that's frustrating, because they always look at me like I'm some weirdo.

Anyway, thanks for the support. Luckily, I've got both hands and feet too. 😁

As for the meds, I guess I should try something, because living like this just isn't working. 👎

Jose Ward4 actually gave me such a great explanation regarding shamans earlier. It turns out they have people just as troubled as we do—it’s just that the distinction lies in timing. A shaman perceives certain truths or visions, whereas someone struggling with mental health might experience those same things at the wrong moment. It's a pretty fascinating way to look at it!

And honestly, of course God exists. Without Him, true humility wouldn't even be possible—we'd all just end up thinking we're the center of the universe, which is a recipe for disaster. Otherwise, it’s just "me, myself, and I" over and over again. And we can't have everyone following that path, right?! 😲

steelsurfer62 said:I don't know about you, but hanging out and dealing with people is super tough for me and just drains my battery. I used to be social all the time before I realized I was actually better off without it. I mean, having a panic attack every single time you're out with people for months on end straight... it's a lot. Plus, walking in nature actually makes me feel worse. It's not that facing fears is the issue, it's just that I spend all this time doing it and it doesn't seem to help. People don't get me, and that's frustrating, because they always look at me like I'm some weirdo.

Anyway, thanks for the support. Luckily, I've got both hands and feet too. 😁

As for the meds, I guess I should try something, because living like this just isn't working. 👎

I don't know much about panic attacks personally, so you might want to check with a specialist for that.

For me, what really wears me down is being around people with totally different mentalities or beliefs than my own. Because of that, I tend to keep my distance from crowds too. But—and there's always a "but"—if you have a goal or something you want to achieve, you eventually have to put yourself out there. Maybe over time, you'll stumble upon someone who thinks just like you do; that's why I find myself in social settings more often than I'd like.
I don't quite get the part about nature, because for me, getting outdoors is usually how I unwind, but hey, we're all built differently. Maybe my anxiety was just a milder version while yours is hitting harder. Just as a side note, doctors tried to put me on anti-anxiety meds once, but I turned them down and decided to focus on some self-work instead. So far, it's been working out pretty well. Though, if things are severe, maybe medication really is the way to go.
One thing I've experimented with, though, is realizing that any given fear is almost always way more intense than the actual danger itself.