Schizophrenia - General Discussion

Harold Anderson3, please, everyone, just speak your mind. Even if it sounds like "complaining"—which isn't how I see it—it’s fine. If someone needs to vent, they should. To me, this is just part of living with an illness. There are highs and lows, and being able to talk or write about them is essential.
We all go through rough patches sometimes, and we all deal with certain limitations. That's why we're here for one another.

Are you feeling any better, Harold Anderson3? Were those pills making you too drowsy when you were already exhausted?
It all feels very familiar to me because I've spent a lot of time navigating similar circles.

I'm not as mentally stable as I would like to be. But I know why. One reason is that I'm traumatized by the diagnosis itself and everything I've endured—the spinal taps, the multiple hospital stays, spending more time in a hospital ward than at home, things like that. Back then, I didn't even know if I'd ever walk again; I just couldn't feel it. And I spent a long time in a wheelchair...
Then, suddenly, it all hit me. It was like a nasty kind of PTSD, and I think I'm still fighting it today. Even tonight, while I'm in remission, that fear can be so intense... it's hard to put into words.

I've talked to others living with MS and with my neurologist, and I learned that depression and emotional instability are actual symptoms of the disease.

Overall, I'm handling everything well, but tonight is just one of those heavy evenings.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Harold Anderson3, please, everyone, just speak your mind. Even if it sounds like "complaining"—which isn't how I see it—it’s fine. If someone needs to vent, they should. To me, this is just part of living with an illness. There are highs and lows, and being able to talk or write about them is essential.
We all go through rough patches sometimes, and we all deal with certain limitations. That's why we're here for one another.

Are you feeling any better, Harold Anderson3? Were those pills making you too drowsy when you were already exhausted?
It all feels very familiar to me because I've spent a lot of time navigating similar circles.

I'm not as mentally stable as I would like to be. But I know why. One reason is that I'm traumatized by the diagnosis itself and everything I've endured—the spinal taps, the multiple hospital stays, spending more time in a hospital ward than at home, things like that. Back then, I didn't even know if I'd ever walk again; I just couldn't feel it. And I spent a long time in a wheelchair...
Then, suddenly, it all hit me. It was like a nasty kind of PTSD, and I think I'm still fighting it today. Even tonight, while I'm in remission, that fear can be so intense... it's hard to put into words.

I've talked to others living with MS and with my neurologist, and I learned that depression and emotional instability are actual symptoms of the disease.

Overall, I'm handling everything well, but tonight is just one of those heavy evenings.

Hang in there, Rebecca Rivera3.🙂.

Is there any way for those living with schizophrenia to qualify for disability benefits $500 or receive caregiver assistance, similar to what we in the blind and visually impaired community can access?

I realize we are talking about two fundamentally different medical categories. However, I cannot help but wonder—given that many individuals struggling with schizophrenia tend to be socially withdrawn and face such intense stigma—that most of you who are working are likely stuck at minimum wage or just slightly above it.

When you are scraping by on a meager salary, wouldn't even a modest monthly stipend for home care assistance, perhaps totaling around $167, make a world of difference?

It seems to me that securing such support is incredibly difficult because the onset of the condition typically doesn't occur before age eighteen, which is a critical requirement for eligibility.

Nicole Barrett76 said:Is there any way for those living with schizophrenia to qualify for disability benefits $500 or receive caregiver assistance, similar to what we in the blind and visually impaired community can access?

I realize we are talking about two fundamentally different medical categories. However, I cannot help but wonder—given that many individuals struggling with schizophrenia tend to be socially withdrawn and face such intense stigma—that most of you who are working are likely stuck at minimum wage or just slightly above it.

When you are scraping by on a meager salary, wouldn't even a modest monthly stipend for home care assistance, perhaps totaling around $167, make a world of difference?

It seems to me that securing such support is incredibly difficult because the onset of the condition typically doesn't occur before age eighteen, which is a critical requirement for eligibility.

I actually could have applied for disability, but as long as I’m physically able to work, I intend to. It’s a struggle, I won't deny that, but I really don't want to be labeled as disabled while I'm still this young. Since I'm renting an apartment in Washington, D.C., I definitely couldn't survive on minimum wage alone. My monthly take-home pay is roughly $3,200. The job is physically manageable—nothing hurts, per se—but the lack of sleep when I'm out in the field is tough. The summer heat wears me down, and the winter cold is brutal. Then I head back to Washington, D.C. for the weekend to recharge before heading back out for another five days on the road, and that's been my life for about a year now. I spend quite a bit on food while traveling, plus rent, and I send some money home to help my mom who lives alone, but I still manage to save a little bit at the end of the month.

Harold Anderson3 said:I actually could have applied for disability, but as long as I’m physically able to work, I intend to. It’s a struggle, I won't deny that, but I really don't want to be labeled as disabled while I'm still this young. Since I'm renting an apartment in Washington, D.C., I definitely couldn't survive on minimum wage alone. My monthly take-home pay is roughly $3,200. The job is physically manageable—nothing hurts, per se—but the lack of sleep when I'm out in the field is tough. The summer heat wears me down, and the winter cold is brutal. Then I head back to Washington, D.C. for the weekend to recharge before heading back out for another five days on the road, and that's been my life for about a year now. I spend quite a bit on food while traveling, plus rent, and I send some money home to help my mom who lives alone, but I still manage to save a little bit at the end of the month.

I wouldn't opt for disability either, though one has to wonder why it seems like only one in every hundred or fifty blind or visually impaired individuals actually finds employment.

It truly warms my heart to see that, despite everything you are battling, you are still able to support your mother.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Harold Anderson3, please, everyone, just speak your mind. Even if it sounds like "complaining"—which isn't how I see it—it’s fine. If someone needs to vent, they should. To me, this is just part of living with an illness. There are highs and lows, and being able to talk or write about them is essential.
We all go through rough patches sometimes, and we all deal with certain limitations. That's why we're here for one another.

Are you feeling any better, Harold Anderson3? Were those pills making you too drowsy when you were already exhausted?
It all feels very familiar to me because I've spent a lot of time navigating similar circles.

I'm not as mentally stable as I would like to be. But I know why. One reason is that I'm traumatized by the diagnosis itself and everything I've endured—the spinal taps, the multiple hospital stays, spending more time in a hospital ward than at home, things like that. Back then, I didn't even know if I'd ever walk again; I just couldn't feel it. And I spent a long time in a wheelchair...
Then, suddenly, it all hit me. It was like a nasty kind of PTSD, and I think I'm still fighting it today. Even tonight, while I'm in remission, that fear can be so intense... it's hard to put into words.

I've talked to others living with MS and with my neurologist, and I learned that depression and emotional instability are actual symptoms of the disease.

Overall, I'm handling everything well, but tonight is just one of those heavy evenings.

Yeah, I'm definitely feeling better. Today is actually the first time this week that I've managed to get some decent, restorative sleep.
Hang in there, okay? Don't let things get you down and don't give up. 🙂

Nicole Barrett76 said:I wouldn't opt for disability either, though one has to wonder why it seems like only one in every hundred or fifty blind or visually impaired individuals actually finds employment.

It truly warms my heart to see that, despite everything you are battling, you are still able to support your mother.

Yeah, I hear you, and I completely get where you're coming from.
Physical disabilities are incredibly tough to navigate. By the way, I actually had no idea you were dealing with such significant vision issues yourself. 😢
As for me, I don't really have a specific reason to feel depressed, yet I still struggle with it. It’s that endogenous kind of depression—you know, the type that hits you without any obvious external cause.
I'm doing alright at the moment, though. Nothing has really changed since yesterday or the day before, other than the fact that I finally managed to get some decent rest.

Hang in there, Harold Anderson3. We’re all just out here doing our best to juggle whatever health issues or problems life throws at us. Honestly, the fact that you're still working is a win in my book. As for me, I'm doing alright on Azolar—I'm not having any seizures—but this apaurin is really messing with my head. My sleep schedule is a total disaster. Even when I don't take the apaurin, I tend to oversleep, but since they prescribe it to me specifically for sleep, it just turns into this endless loop where I sleep way too much, which basically flips my day and night upside down.

I actually tried to taper off the apaurin on my own to see if things would improve, but it didn't change much. It's the weirdest thing—even though I'm sleeping constantly, I still feel like I haven't slept at all.

Carol Barrett2 said:Hang in there, Harold Anderson3. We’re all just out here doing our best to juggle whatever health issues or problems life throws at us. Honestly, the fact that you're still working is a win in my book. As for me, I'm doing alright on Azolar—I'm not having any seizures—but this apaurin is really messing with my head. My sleep schedule is a total disaster. Even when I don't take the apaurin, I tend to oversleep, but since they prescribe it to me specifically for sleep, it just turns into this endless loop where I sleep way too much, which basically flips my day and night upside down.

I actually tried to taper off the apaurin on my own to see if things would improve, but it didn't change much. It's the weirdest thing—even though I'm sleeping constantly, I still feel like I haven't slept at all.

That's because apaurin, just like any other benzo,
1 extends how long you sleep
2 but tanks the quality (it basically wipes out the most important stages, like deep delta wave and REM sleep)

The instructions for all benzos say they shouldn't be used for more than two months.
Using benzos long-term is kind of like using antibiotics long-term;
it does more harm than good, and building up a tolerance or resistance is pretty much guaranteed.
Patients just end up suffering through the side effects, which with benzos means wrecked cognitive function, memory loss, poor focus, and an increased risk of early-onset dementia.

According to the clinical guidelines for using benzodiazepines in psychosis, including schizophrenia:
1, they should only be used short-term, specifically
2, during a transition period when changing long-term antipsychotic meds, just to get through that window.

But definitely not for the long haul.> https://europepmc.org/abstract/med/27249075

Harold Anderson3 said:Yeah, I hear you, and I completely get where you're coming from.
Physical disabilities are incredibly tough to navigate. By the way, I actually had no idea you were dealing with such significant vision issues yourself. 😢
As for me, I don't really have a specific reason to feel depressed, yet I still struggle with it. It’s that endogenous kind of depression—you know, the type that hits you without any obvious external cause.
I'm doing alright at the moment, though. Nothing has really changed since yesterday or the day before, other than the fact that I finally managed to get some decent rest.

Is it not possible that mental health struggles are even more taxing? There was a moment once when, driven by external circumstances, I felt such profound despair that I simply wanted everything to end; I took a bit too much apaurin to help me sleep and drifted off. That feeling only lasted for one evening, but imagine if I had been forced to endure such a state for two days, five days, or who knows how long?

Yet, physical impairments are equally devastating. The last time I was actually able to work was during those four months spanning late 2011 and early 2012.

It is truly heartbreaking that I cannot secure even a little bit of supplemental income through occasional part-time gigs, perhaps something like $500, just to make life a slightly more manageable existence.

Sean Hernandez3 said:That's because apaurin, just like any other benzo,
1 extends how long you sleep
2 but tanks the quality (it basically wipes out the most important stages, like deep delta wave and REM sleep)

The instructions for all benzos say they shouldn't be used for more than two months.
Using benzos long-term is kind of like using antibiotics long-term;
it does more harm than good, and building up a tolerance or resistance is pretty much guaranteed.
Patients just end up suffering through the side effects, which with benzos means wrecked cognitive function, memory loss, poor focus, and an increased risk of early-onset dementia.

According to the clinical guidelines for using benzodiazepines in psychosis, including schizophrenia:
1, they should only be used short-term, specifically
2, during a transition period when changing long-term antipsychotic meds, just to get through that window.

But definitely not for the long haul.> https://europepmc.org/abstract/med/27249075

😲

Thanks for the answer. Now what am I supposed to do? For 7.5 years, they've been handing me Xanax to sleep, even though I sleep plenty—actually, too much—without it, and with it, I just sleep excessively even more. I'm sleeping 10 to 16 hours a day—how does that even happen?—averaging about 12, and I'm constantly exhausted and drowsy.

Man, they've really messed me up. It's no wonder I'm almost completely non-functional, and that everything I'm going through—this oversleeping, the constant fatigue, the lethargy, the memory and concentration issues, etc.—is exactly what you pointed out.

I agree with Nakedness on what she wrote—who knows what we actually have wrong with us? Maybe they haven't even identified my actual condition yet, let alone these other issues.

Damn, I've been popping these for 7.5 years, and I tell my family straight up that I'm essentially swallowing garbage. And as for disability benefits or anything like that... no, I don't have any of that, nor do I have any rights to it.

Haldol, I am truly sorry that you aren't eligible for disability benefits.

Could it be that diagnosing patients through the Kirlijanov effect—analyzing aura photographs, which remains a forbidden technology—would yield a far more precise diagnosis? Is it perhaps prohibited because it subjects the patient to high electrical voltage (and presumably high frequencies, though I cannot be certain of the latter)?

Yet, we do not forbid X-rays, which expose patients to radiation, nor do we ban CT scans that subject the body to barium slurry.

Ultimately, I suspect that analyzing aura photography would require doctors to cultivate a certain level of intuition, but since not all psychiatrists are introverts, how can this be achieved? Intuition cannot be mastered simply by reading books; rather, it must be developed through meditation. For instance, there is a Buddhist meditative practice that supposedly fosters faster spiritual growth than reciting endless prayers: one simply maintains awareness of the air entering the nostrils, feeling it touch every tiny hair inside, and observing how it brushes the area between the nose and the lip upon exiting. The core objective is to attain self-realization and understand your inner world, which serves as the precursor to God-knowledge. Some of their monks will spend hours upon hours engaged solely in this single exercise.

In any case, those living with Schizophrenia are generally advised against meditating, given that they are already prone to excessive passivity. Please, let this observation not trigger any thoughts regarding conspiracies, voices, thought broadcasting, or surveillance.

@Nakedness... it appears to me that your condition merely resembles Schizophrenia on the surface. Based on your recent posts, it is evident that you have made significant progress. If my understanding is correct—and please do correct me if I am mistaken—perhaps a specific chamber or a small portion of your brain is malfunctioning, causing what one might call a "short circuit."

It turns out Nakedness actually has Multiplusclusosa—they spent years misdiagnosing her as having Schizophrenia, at least from how I saw things with Njusic.

Carol Barrett2 said:It turns out Nakedness actually has Multiplusclusosa—they spent years misdiagnosing her as having Schizophrenia, at least from how I saw things with Njusic.

Oops, my mistake. My apologies, Nakedness. In that case, everything she wrote previously was simply a defense mechanism against her illness and part of the stage where one begins to accept their diagnosis.

Nakedness, please do not let the fact that they mislabeled you with Schizophrenia for all those years weigh on your heart. I once had a psychiatrist label me with "intellectual disability." Honestly, even translating the diagnosis feels unnecessary. Just as I developed a constant smile as a shield because I was bullied for being the weakest kid in my elementary school class, I found myself smiling again when I admitted to her that I had made a mistake and lost control. She misinterpreted my smile, assuming I wasn't even aware of what I had actually done.

Not even five or six female doctors would ever write down such a diagnosis.

She didn't even make an effort to directly tell me what the diagnosis was. I discovered it myself at a bus stop right across from the hospital, and I wept bitterly. She prescribed me Tegretol, which I took for a short while, but during our next meeting—after she finally removed that diagnosis—I told her I no longer wished to take it, as there was no longer any point.

That was how the doctor acted—someone who supposedly moooooooora know how to handle human emotions when delivering a heavy diagnosis to a patient. Someone who, after all, supposedly... studied specifically to understand the depths of the human soul.

Can you imagine if an oncologist, a cancer specialist, would write a diagnosis of cancer on a report but directly refuse to tell the patient, instead leaving them to face that reality alone at a bus stop or a subway station, just so they could suffer a nervous breakdown or a heart attack?????????????????????

And she didn't even establish that diagnosis for me until our third meeting. The first appointment serves merely as a way to introduce yourself—who you are, your education, your marital status, your parents, siblings, children, your job, and your current state of mind.

Technically speaking, the true evaluation doesn't even begin until the second visit. In fact, I would argue that it takes three or four sessions, lasting forty to sixty minutes each, for a doctor to compile what I would call a comprehensive patient history. Only by the fifth session can one truly begin some semblance of effective therapy.

In my case, to ensure there is no professional bias—meaning, so doctors don't just protect one another—my former psychiatrist should have received a formal written reprimand from the department head, and I should have been notified of it. To leave a person to struggle with a shocking diagnosis at a bus stop... it isn't about the diagnosis itself. The diagnosis was brief; it was about the lack of basic human decency!

In Nakedness's case, she should at least receive some form of symbolic compensation.

Honestly, I felt like I was slipping into Paranoid Schizophrenia just by getting into an argument with the staff—I was terrified I’d lose something, though I won't go into detail. It’s all logged in their computer system, so apparently, according to some psychologist, I’ve officially "snapped" into paranoia. And look, I don't have hallucinations or anything like that; I never have.

I’ve had issues—or maybe I just had them—with my liver. It was damaged, but it’s recovering now, but it seems I'm intersex, so maybe my hormones are just haywire. I told the hospital staff about it. I figured I might be some kind of medical phenomenon or something.

I’m sick, though who knows why... it's not terminal or anything life-threatening, but I'm definitely feeling pretty rough because of all these different ailments.

Depression has hit me the hardest—maybe it's Bipolar Disorder—and I brought that up to the psychiatrist, along with my vision issues, since I’m visually impaired and deal with significant sight problems. And her response? Just, "What is that?"

She didn't even know what floaters were. When I mentioned seeing my own white blood cells, I can only imagine what kind of diagnosis she’d slap on me.

And you can't even get sessions with people like that here in the States. Not at all. You might find someone privately, but man, it costs. From what I can tell, 31 miles, an hour session is a fortune. Where am I supposed to get that kind of money?

Even if I could afford those sessions, how would I even talk to them? Being on these medications makes me feel... I don't know, numb? Like I can't express myself. Plus, when it comes to psychiatrists and psychologists, I just freeze up. My tongue gets tied and I can't tell them everything—the what, the how, all of it. Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start, let alone when.

Jbn. It's all just trying to fight for some kind of right based on a diagnosis. But I'm not even fighting for it because of actual life struggles; it's more about dealing with the absolute disaster that is the bureaucracy here in America.

Carol Barrett2 said:Honestly, I felt like I was slipping into Paranoid Schizophrenia just by getting into an argument with the staff—I was terrified I’d lose something, though I won't go into detail. It’s all logged in their computer system, so apparently, according to some psychologist, I’ve officially "snapped" into paranoia. And look, I don't have hallucinations or anything like that; I never have.

I’ve had issues—or maybe I just had them—with my liver. It was damaged, but it’s recovering now, but it seems I'm intersex, so maybe my hormones are just haywire. I told the hospital staff about it. I figured I might be some kind of medical phenomenon or something.

I’m sick, though who knows why... it's not terminal or anything life-threatening, but I'm definitely feeling pretty rough because of all these different ailments.

Depression has hit me the hardest—maybe it's Bipolar Disorder—and I brought that up to the psychiatrist, along with my vision issues, since I’m visually impaired and deal with significant sight problems. And her response? Just, "What is that?"

She didn't even know what floaters were. When I mentioned seeing my own white blood cells, I can only imagine what kind of diagnosis she’d slap on me.

And you can't even get sessions with people like that here in the States. Not at all. You might find someone privately, but man, it costs. From what I can tell, 31 miles, an hour session is a fortune. Where am I supposed to get that kind of money?

Even if I could afford those sessions, how would I even talk to them? Being on these medications makes me feel... I don't know, numb? Like I can't express myself. Plus, when it comes to psychiatrists and psychologists, I just freeze up. My tongue gets tied and I can't tell them everything—the what, the how, all of it. Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start, let alone when.

Jbn. It's all just trying to fight for some kind of right based on a diagnosis. But I'm not even fighting for it because of actual life struggles; it's more about dealing with the absolute disaster that is the bureaucracy here in America.

I am so sorry that they labeled you with sch. Did they at least inform you in a subtle and tactful manner? Or did you find out like I did—somewhere random, like at a crosswalk or a bus stop??? I truly hope you receive a more accurate diagnosis soon. You don't have to share it if you'd prefer not to.

Regarding the intersex thing... has that been confirmed by any blood work? Did they take your comment seriously at all, or was it just a case of, "Oh, he's just sch., what does he know?"

One theory regarding the onset of sch. is the idea of brain self-poisoning. Could it be that certain organs produce a substance toxic to the brain—not enough to kill you, but enough to trigger mental instability? If that were true, then several weekly sessions combined with the most exhaustive blood panels possible—specifically checking liver enzymes, pituitary hormones, thyroid levels, and sex hormones—would be a necessary starting point for an effective diagnosis. Plus, they should perform a full physical exam. If they find any physiological irregularities, then perhaps you really are intersex.

Then again, I don't know... to be perfectly honest, I find it hard to believe the intersex diagnosis. In my view, much of that is a social engineering construct that people latch onto today. However, if a patient holds one or two misconceptions about their condition, it certainly doesn't mean they are immediately schizophrenic, paranoid, or completely out of their mind.

Unless, of course, they cling to those ideas even after a thorough examination and hospitalization.

Nicole Barrett76 said:I am so sorry that they labeled you with sch. Did they at least inform you in a subtle and tactful manner? Or did you find out like I did—somewhere random, like at a crosswalk or a bus stop??? I truly hope you receive a more accurate diagnosis soon. You don't have to share it if you'd prefer not to.

Regarding the intersex thing... has that been confirmed by any blood work? Did they take your comment seriously at all, or was it just a case of, "Oh, he's just sch., what does he know?"

One theory regarding the onset of sch. is the idea of brain self-poisoning. Could it be that certain organs produce a substance toxic to the brain—not enough to kill you, but enough to trigger mental instability? If that were true, then several weekly sessions combined with the most exhaustive blood panels possible—specifically checking liver enzymes, pituitary hormones, thyroid levels, and sex hormones—would be a necessary starting point for an effective diagnosis. Plus, they should perform a full physical exam. If they find any physiological irregularities, then perhaps you really are intersex.

Then again, I don't know... to be perfectly honest, I find it hard to believe the intersex diagnosis. In my view, much of that is a social engineering construct that people latch onto today. However, if a patient holds one or two misconceptions about their condition, it certainly doesn't mean they are immediately schizophrenic, paranoid, or completely out of their mind.

Unless, of course, they cling to those ideas even after a thorough examination and hospitalization.

Man, I’m sorry to hear you got hit with the sch. diagnosis too. Did they at least deal with you professionally and tactfully about it? Or were you like me—finding out through some random person on the street, a crosswalk, or a bus stop??? Hopefully, you have a more accurate diagnosis now. Not that you have to share it if you don't want to, obviously.

Well, my wife, my sister, and I all saw it coming right after I was discharged from the hospital. But they didn't actually sit me down and tell me what the diagnosis was; they just scribbled it on the discharge papers without saying a word to my face. It used to be listed as psychosis, but now it's Paranoid Schizophrenia—with some hypochondriacal traits, though they didn't officially label it as hypochondria itself.

That whole intersex thing... was that actually confirmed by blood work? I mean, did they take you seriously when you said that, or was it just a "Whatever, he's just sch." kind of vibe?

It wasn't confirmed, mostly because they didn't even bother running tests for it. I haven't told anyone besides my family, not even the doctors. But looking at myself, I can see why people might think that—my physical appearance and everything. Honestly, I might not just be intersex; I might also be somewhat rickets-prone because I was malnourished growing up. Ever since the war, I don't know how else to put it, we call it being "rickety" here, but maybe that's not the right word. Maybe it's just malnutrition or something similar. I'm nearly 6 feet tall but only weigh about 165-170 pounds, and I've always been like this—tall and skinny.

One theory behind the onset of sch is basically brain self-poisoning. Like, maybe an organ or a few organs produce some kind of substance that's toxic to the brain—not enough to kill you, but enough to trigger mental health issues? If that were the case, having weekly sessions plus the most thorough medical screening possible—specifically checking liver enzymes, pituitary hormones, thyroid, and sex hormones—would be a solid starting point for an effective diagnosis. Plus, a full physical exam. If they find any irregularities in the genital area, then maybe you really are intersex.

I actually told them at the hospital that maybe my hormones were haywire because of my liver or something else. They should have run detailed tests, but I made the mistake of bringing it up and ended up stuck in psychiatry instead. The problem is, here in America, getting those kinds of deep-dive tests is almost impossible unless you have serious cash. Back then, about a decade ago, there was a chance, because they actually discovered some issue I had with my liver. An internist actually moved me to the internal medicine ward for those detailed tests.

I don't know... to be honest, I find it hard to believe you're intersex. It feels like one of those modern social engineering constructs that people latch onto. But hey, just because a patient has a couple of delusions about their condition doesn't mean they're immediately schizophrenic, paranoid, or totally losing it. Unless, of course, they cling to those ideas even after a full exam and hospitalization.

Look, I get it. Honestly, I didn't even know intersex was really a thing until a few years ago myself—but then I started digging into it, and I realized I share a lot of those same traits. I’m not saying I’m definitely intersex, but there’s enough physical stuff there that it feels close. It might be something else entirely, though—maybe just some weird hormonal imbalance or a sudden shift in my system, who knows.

Back in the day—nearly a decade ago—one of the staff members actually believed me and agreed with my assessment. But, well, because of how everything went down, they basically had to get rid of me and move me over to the psych ward. I wasn't being aggressive or anything, but I definitely gave them a hard time during our arguments back then.

And of course, all the paperwork, the scans, the medical records... everything just vanished. It happened back when I was in the internal medicine ward at this local hospital here. I have almost nothing left from that period, maybe just my discharge papers from the psych unit.

Before that stint in internal medicine, I spent quite a bit of time in the ER. I was pretty sick—they had me on IV fluids, I was running fevers, having these intense chills, and all that. Right before they moved me to the internal ward, they found something—some kind of spot on my stomach, something that was supposedly eating away at my body. They said it started with a "T," though it wasn't hormonal, just... something like that.

My health was a total wreck back then, mostly because depression had a grip on me and I wasn't eating or drinking anything regular.

I probably deal with depression, maybe bipolar disorder, and honestly, there could be something else going on mentally too—just not Paranoid Schizophrenia. Maybe it's some non-specific schizophrenia or perhaps a form of high-functioning autism.

Jbn, no matter how you slice it, things aren't great. It's a lose-lose situation. I'm stuck somewhere in the middle—half crazy, half sane, half healthy, half sick. If that makes any sense.

I've been getting advice from some veterans' advocacy groups and stuff about trying to claim some kind of benefits based on all this. I'm looking for any kind of scrap of financial help because right now, I've got zero income coming in. I'm basically non-functional most of the time—sleeping constantly, yet somehow always exhausted and sleep-deprived, just drifting around in my own little world.

Honestly, I’m just over all of this—you, them, everyone in this thread—and man, did you really have to go on such a massive rant?

Nicole Barrett76 said:Haldol, I am truly sorry that you aren't eligible for disability benefits.

Could it be that diagnosing patients through the Kirlijanov effect—analyzing aura photographs, which remains a forbidden technology—would yield a far more precise diagnosis? Is it perhaps prohibited because it subjects the patient to high electrical voltage (and presumably high frequencies, though I cannot be certain of the latter)?

Yet, we do not forbid X-rays, which expose patients to radiation, nor do we ban CT scans that subject the body to barium slurry.

Ultimately, I suspect that analyzing aura photography would require doctors to cultivate a certain level of intuition, but since not all psychiatrists are introverts, how can this be achieved? Intuition cannot be mastered simply by reading books; rather, it must be developed through meditation. For instance, there is a Buddhist meditative practice that supposedly fosters faster spiritual growth than reciting endless prayers: one simply maintains awareness of the air entering the nostrils, feeling it touch every tiny hair inside, and observing how it brushes the area between the nose and the lip upon exiting. The core objective is to attain self-realization and understand your inner world, which serves as the precursor to God-knowledge. Some of their monks will spend hours upon hours engaged solely in this single exercise.

In any case, those living with Schizophrenia are generally advised against meditating, given that they are already prone to excessive passivity. Please, let this observation not trigger any thoughts regarding conspiracies, voices, thought broadcasting, or surveillance.

@Nakedness... it appears to me that your condition merely resembles Schizophrenia on the surface. Based on your recent posts, it is evident that you have made significant progress. If my understanding is correct—and please do correct me if I am mistaken—perhaps a specific chamber or a small portion of your brain is malfunctioning, causing what one might call a "short circuit."

Wait, are we talking about high voltage or high current? Those are two very different things. And honestly, that phrase "high voltage of current" makes zero sense to me. What is that even supposed to mean?

And by the way—all this talk about meditation being dangerous is just nonsense. I’m not talking about you personally, but the media and those other pundits. Look, I meditate myself. Not every single day, obviously, but when I do, I feel fine. It doesn't bother me at all. People just get it into their heads that it might be bad if you have Schizophrenia. Trust me, I sat down for thirty minutes three days in a row, and my head felt perfectly normal.

Carol Barrett2 said:Honestly, I’m just over all of this—you, them, everyone in this thread—and man, did you really have to go on such a massive rant?

You haven't bored me at all; rather, my stomach has been giving me absolute hell, and I spent about six hours babysitting my sister's kids. I finally laid down to get some rest, but that "little break" stretched from two in the afternoon until almost six. Between the physical discomfort and her throwing off my entire sleep schedule, I am only just now able to respond.

Your writing is actually quite coherent, which leads me to believe that what you are experiencing isn't Paranoid Schizophrenia, but rather that non-specific version you mentioned earlier.

If I recall correctly, the Latin term for it is Schizophrenia simplex.