Schizophrenia - General Discussion

So, I was reading up on this, and apparently, some people living with schizophrenia deal with a lack of empathy too. Honestly, I can’t tell if that’s actually true or if I’ve just been totally numbed out by my meds—maybe even when it comes to empathy itself. Or maybe I haven't hit that level of total indifference yet, thanks to the medication.

To be fair, I scored much higher on other tests I took previously compared to this one.

Is it just me, or is something seriously off lately? I’ve been feeling completely drained and totally unmotivated. Honestly, I feel like I’m stuck in a deep funk, maybe even some kind of depression.

Jose Ward4 said:Is it just me, or is something seriously off lately? I’ve been feeling completely drained and totally unmotivated. Honestly, I feel like I’m stuck in a deep funk, maybe even some kind of depression.

Maybe it’s just this weather. You know how it is—one minute it's fine, the next it’s miserable—and that kind of stuff can really mess with your head. But if you're actually feeling off, maybe it's worth talking to a therapist.

That’s what mine told me, anyway. Said whenever I'm struggling, I should just reach out to him.

Could just be a phase, though.

Carol Barrett2 said:Maybe it’s just this weather. You know how it is—one minute it's fine, the next it’s miserable—and that kind of stuff can really mess with your head. But if you're actually feeling off, maybe it's worth talking to a therapist.

That’s what mine told me, anyway. Said whenever I'm struggling, I should just reach out to him.

Could just be a phase, though.

Thanks for looking out for me. And no, it isn't a "gay" thing 😁. I’m actually feeling much better today. Things are finally clicking into place in my head, I think that's why. I won't get into the weeds about it right now, but that's the gist. I feel significantly better already, and who knows what's ahead.

For a few different reasons, I lost my nutrition, so I'm trusting that everything will balance itself out eventually. The main thing is staying stable. I haven't been very stable lately. And honestly, being alone plays a huge role here. There are things I used to obsess over that I've stopped thinking about, but I know the reasons why; only my closest friends and inner circle really know the truth. I'm hoping things keep looking up. At the end of the day, it’s all about what’s going on inside you—at least, that’s how it feels to me right now. When you lose your sense of self, it feels like you've lost everything. It’s going to take some time. Anyway, I don't want to go back to my old ways.

I have zero interest in going back to the old way of doing things. I think I might be caught in a bit of a manic phase lately—honestly, I’ve started dumping stuff on my blog; some of it is mild, some is halfway crazy, and then there’s the truly wild stuff that might actually hold some water.

Luckily, the blog isn't exactly getting millions of hits, and most of what's up there is just stuff I've already repurposed from various threads on forums like this one where I've been posting for a while now.

>>Of course I care. You all cared too whenever I was venting about my problems here.

PS. Maybe it isn't mania at all—maybe it's just this sudden itch to finally publish some of my work, specifically these collections of theses and theories I've been working on.

If you want my honest opinion.
Carol Barrett2, you aren't exactly hitting the mark here. You’re overhyping certain films and projects, and honestly, it feels like you're doing it because you're starving for validation or feeling like you haven't achieved enough.
You're drifting a bit far from reality. My advice? Spend some more time with your family or someone close who has known you forever. Everyone loves you, you're clearly a good person, and there's really no reason to chase what you're chasing. Just accept yourself and be content. Find other ways to stay busy; obsessing over this isn't great for your mental health—it pulls you further from reality. You seem to think that by elevating yourself, you won't be vulnerable or that you'll somehow stand above everyone else. But you know what's truly in your heart and why you feel this need. Think about that; it might actually help you feel better.

As for Jose Ward4, he’s just been a bit more down lately due to some timing and circumstances he hasn't wanted to disclose. The question is whether he's slipping into depression; clinically speaking, that’s when it lasts longer than three weeks. But from where I'm standing, he seems to have enough strength to fight through it. He's been dealing with this for a year now and is slowly finding his balance again.

To be honest, things haven't been going great for me lately either. I'm currently struggling with a relapse regarding my medication—I’m terrified of the side effects and constantly worried they won't even work. It’s making it impossible to stay productive or achieve anything I set my mind to, which just feeds back into this mild depression. It’s a vicious cycle, and right now, I can't see a way out. Sometimes, getting a perspective from someone else can really help.

I truly don't know how to win or even how to fight when it feels like the battle was lost before it even started. I'm just stuck in this loop.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:If you want my honest opinion.
Carol Barrett2, you aren't exactly hitting the mark here. You’re overhyping certain films and projects, and honestly, it feels like you're doing it because you're starving for validation or feeling like you haven't achieved enough.
You're drifting a bit far from reality. My advice? Spend some more time with your family or someone close who has known you forever. Everyone loves you, you're clearly a good person, and there's really no reason to chase what you're chasing. Just accept yourself and be content. Find other ways to stay busy; obsessing over this isn't great for your mental health—it pulls you further from reality. You seem to think that by elevating yourself, you won't be vulnerable or that you'll somehow stand above everyone else. But you know what's truly in your heart and why you feel this need. Think about that; it might actually help you feel better.

As for Jose Ward4, he’s just been a bit more down lately due to some timing and circumstances he hasn't wanted to disclose. The question is whether he's slipping into depression; clinically speaking, that’s when it lasts longer than three weeks. But from where I'm standing, he seems to have enough strength to fight through it. He's been dealing with this for a year now and is slowly finding his balance again.

If you want my objective opinion.
Carol Barrett2, you aren't exactly hitting the mark here—you're hyping up certain movies and projects just because you're clearly starving for some sense of purpose, or maybe you feel like you haven't checked enough boxes in life, or something along those lines.

Actually, I am interested. And I’m not "starving." For years—decades, really—this is just how I operate. I write essays on all sorts of topics. Theories, theses, whatever. It keeps me going; it’s what keeps me sane. I’m not claiming any of these theories are gospel truth, though.

You aren't exactly grounded in reality. My advice? Go hang out with your family or someone close who has known you forever. Everyone loves you, and I'm sure you're a good person—there's no reason to keep chasing after what you're looking for. Just accept yourself and be content. Find other ways to entertain yourself instead of obsessing over this; it isn't great for your mental health, and it's pulling you further from reality. You seem to think that by elevating yourself, you won't be vulnerable or that you'll somehow be above everyone else. But you know what's in your heart and why you crave this. Try thinking about that; it might actually help you feel better.

Look, I'm as "grounded" as anyone can be while dealing with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder—assuming I have both, anyway. I don't know if people "love" me, but they tolerate me well enough. As for socializing, I can't really keep up with anyone financially, and I'm not looking to play those social games. What else am I supposed to do as an unemployed person living with Sch? Writing these theories and theses is what fulfills me. It's not about feeling superior or acting like I'm above anyone else—that's not it at all.

I just wanted to share these ideas and theories with people. People have been telling me for ages to just start a blog and dump all these thoughts there.

I've even got ideas for actual innovations. I've already posted a few of them on my blog.

Whatever, nobody's perfect.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:If you want my honest opinion.
Carol Barrett2, you aren't exactly hitting the mark here. You’re overhyping certain films and projects, and honestly, it feels like you're doing it because you're starving for validation or feeling like you haven't achieved enough.
You're drifting a bit far from reality. My advice? Spend some more time with your family or someone close who has known you forever. Everyone loves you, you're clearly a good person, and there's really no reason to chase what you're chasing. Just accept yourself and be content. Find other ways to stay busy; obsessing over this isn't great for your mental health—it pulls you further from reality. You seem to think that by elevating yourself, you won't be vulnerable or that you'll somehow stand above everyone else. But you know what's truly in your heart and why you feel this need. Think about that; it might actually help you feel better.

As for Jose Ward4, he’s just been a bit more down lately due to some timing and circumstances he hasn't wanted to disclose. The question is whether he's slipping into depression; clinically speaking, that’s when it lasts longer than three weeks. But from where I'm standing, he seems to have enough strength to fight through it. He's been dealing with this for a year now and is slowly finding his balance again.

bok Njušica. Thanks for the reply. Honestly, life has been kicking my teeth in lately—sorry for the bluntness—but I won't go into all the specifics of why things are hitting the fan right now. I’ve already picked up enough negative vibes, especially from women, telling me I shouldn't talk about certain things. But truthfully? I’m feeling better today. I’ve got this whole mess with my drainage system to deal with, which is a headache, but I'll get it sorted eventually. Right now, the legal stuff is what’s really getting under my skin. As for the depression part... yeah, it held onto me for a bit. I’m actually heading out today just to clear my head and start fresh. Funny enough, I actually thrive in gloomy weather. It feels calmer, more soothing, especially lately. I am genuinely looking forward to autumn. I love that gray, rainy weather where you can just breathe. I really miss it. I'm hoping I can power through this stretch so things stabilize. Maybe I'm overthinking it because I haven't quite found my center yet—not the way I want to be. Or maybe I am exaggerating. Who knows? This whole transition is massive, but I just have to hang in there.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:To be honest, things haven't been going great for me lately either. I'm currently struggling with a relapse regarding my medication—I’m terrified of the side effects and constantly worried they won't even work. It’s making it impossible to stay productive or achieve anything I set my mind to, which just feeds back into this mild depression. It’s a vicious cycle, and right now, I can't see a way out. Sometimes, getting a perspective from someone else can really help.

I truly don't know how to win or even how to fight when it feels like the battle was lost before it even started. I'm just stuck in this loop.

What can I even say besides hang in there? Hopefully, those meds kick in soon enough to make some kind of difference.

🙂

Hey everyone... thanks for the support. It really means a lot.
I’m honestly impressed by how you all handled the criticism. Most people would have lost their cool and started an argument, but you didn't.
It just shows how much maturity there is here.

Looking back, we’ve all grown up quite a bit and become better versions of ourselves. I can see it clearly. I think this forum has played at least a small part in that growth, even if it's just 3%.

As for me... well, I was in the ER. I went in on Saturday, and now the real fight begins again: seeing who comes out on top, the illness or me.
A wheelchair versus taking steps...
Yesterday, while I was struggling just to make it to the bathroom, nostalgia hit me hard. I started crying, imagining what my life will look like in a wheelchair. The more I dwelled on it, the more depressed and aware I became that I likely won't be able to avoid it. And you know what else I realized? I haven't accepted my diagnosis yet, and that’s where the real struggle lies.
My family is suffering deeply because of my condition, too. As time goes on, the progression gets worse and the good days get fewer. Every time a glimmer of hope appears, it dies out far too quickly.

I’ve decided to start rehabilitation, look into the latest medications, and do everything in my power to stay okay. I'm going into this fight, and once I've given it my all, I'll seek out psychotherapy to keep moving forward.
The day I realize there's no point in fighting is the day I'll give up, but until then, I still have time.

Carol Barrett2 said:

Your score was 26 out of a possible 80.

scores of 30 or less indicate a lack of empathy Common in People with Autism or Asperger ’ sa syndrome

https://psychology-tools.com/test/empathy-quotient

So I took this test and ended up with this. On other tests, I’ve gotten totally different results—stuff saying I actually *do* have empathy. Does this mean I'm a sociopath or a psychopath? Since they have that lack of empathy thing too.

I know these internet tests aren't exactly clinical grade, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway. Honestly, it's possible I didn't even grasp all the questions properly or answered them wrong because I rushed through the whole thing.

It certainly does not!

A potential deficit in empathy does not automatically mean you are an aggressive or manipulative individual like a true sociopath or psychopath.

In my opinion, you might just be being a bit of a hypochondriac, and perhaps you should simply take the advice that Rebecca Rivera3 gave you.

Nicole Barrett76 said:It certainly does not!

A potential deficit in empathy does not automatically mean you are an aggressive or manipulative individual like a true sociopath or psychopath.

In my opinion, you might just be being a bit of a hypochondriac, and perhaps you should simply take the advice that Rebecca Rivera3 gave you.

Yeah, I know. I Googled it. Apparently, this whole lack-of-empathy thing can be linked to medication or even schizophrenia, maybe. You all think I'm a hypochondriac? Honestly, it's the opposite—I barely look after my health at all. I just happened to stumble upon this test again; I took it once before, but I don't remember the results.

I'm thinking maybe the meds have just numbed my brain, or maybe it's the schizophrenia causing such a low score. If it isn't that, then maybe instead of schizophrenia, I just don't have a functioning brain—or maybe it's Asperger's, like I originally thought. Because, newsflash: I've never dealt with hallucinations or paranoia.

Worrying about my health once in a while doesn't make me a hypochondriac. And honestly, given everything going on, I rarely even care about my health—and when I actually want to, I just can't bring myself to do it. Between the illness and my financial situation, I'm kind of stuck.

From what I know, actual hypochondriacs are obsessively fixated on their health.

@Rebecca Rivera3 I’m really crossing my fingers that the rehab and meds actually kick in—hopefully you can get into that remission stage with MS. By the way, have you thought about hitting up some wellness retreats or maybe a spa getaway somewhere? A friend of mine swore by that kind of thing, said it made a massive difference for her.

As much as Google is great for searching symptoms, it’s just as dangerous because it often leads us down the wrong path by immediately jumping to the worst-case scenarios.

That said, I am a firm believer in prioritizing health—both mental and physical. If you ever feel like a doctor is missing something, you should absolutely seek a second opinion and be persistent about it.

I’m actually a living example of this. I was handed a laundry list of psychiatric diagnoses, all the way up to schizophrenia, and they even committed me to a mental health facility. During one session, I told my psychiatrist that I felt we needed to run some physical tests too. Naturally, she brushed me off, so I just waved her away and listened. Eventually, I just snapped and walked out. I realized my "psychiatric" issues were being caused by something else entirely... something indescribable. For instance, I know what it feels like to be anxious or depressed, but this was nothing like that.
The important thing is that they were trying to label me as crazy. Sure, I deal with depressive episodes and have had panic attacks before, but this was a completely different sensation.

It turns out there were lesions on my brain. Now, they interfere with my cognition and emotions, and I can tell exactly when they are causing issues versus when it's just external stress.

I have rehabilitation scheduled at a medical center in Springfield. They’re going to put me through various exercises and treatments; honestly, I'm not even sure I want to go. But I will.

Sorry if this is getting a bit long-winded. I still have more to get off my chest.

I was in the ER today and turned down staying overnight; I’m just feeling terrible. My mobility is so poor right now that I can barely manage on my own. I've arranged to go through outpatient care instead, where they’ll likely pump me full of Solu-Medrol—just a few thousand milligrams of pure poison—to hopefully get me feeling slightly better for a moment.

Honestly, I'm exhausted, angry, and sad all at once. It’s starting to feel like no matter how hard I fight, I’m headed straight for a wheelchair. That realization is what really hits me hard.
I want to walk, but clearly, that’s asking too much right now. It’s so depressing—being this young and yet feeling so close to being confined to a chair.
They need to take measurements for them, but I keep stalling because I feel as helpless as someone waiting for a funeral arrangement.

I mean, I totally get where you're coming from, >. Hopefully a little downtime at some high-end spa or whatever helps clear the head.

Does anyone know anything about leukopenia? I’ve suddenly ended up with a low eosinophil count for reasons I can't quite wrap my head around. Just got my bloodwork back and... well, here we are.

Rebecca Rivera3 said:Does anyone know anything about leukopenia? I’ve suddenly ended up with a low eosinophil count for reasons I can't quite wrap my head around. Just got my bloodwork back and... well, here we are.

Oh man. I honestly can't believe it. It's always like that—once the hammer drops, it just hits you all at once. Seriously, damn them for not catching this sooner. Who knows what those pills have actually been doing to your system? Between the psych meds and whatever else you're taking now... total crooks.

I was watching this woman on YouTube yesterday—I can't recall her name right now—talking about how chemotherapy actually worked for her. It was the first time I’d heard a story like that, and honestly, I'm just glad she had that luck. She was basically at death's door, with only a few days left, all because her family doctor kept insisting it was just bronchitis. It wasn't until she collapsed at Silver City that they realized how serious things really were. She was so young, too, and they told her straight up that they weren't sure she'd make it. But it worked. It’s a relief when the oncologists and specialists are actually competent people. It made me think back to my old man. When she described those side effects from the chemo, I just thought, "Thank God my dad never had to go through that." You need palliative care at home, especially given his stage and how much weight he’d lost. You can't just walk around looking for that kind of help. She sounded so fragile. The big question remains, though: what caused it in the first place? That's the eternal mystery. I’m starting to think that treatment has the strongest impact on younger patients. My dad wouldn't have been able to handle it; hearing her talk, I just know he couldn't have. And honestly, it’s better that he passed the way he did. He spent those last few days in pain, bleeding and drifting in and out of consciousness, but up until then, he was okay. As okay as anyone can be. The doctors over at Rabbit are truly wonderful; they genuinely care about their patients. They treat you like little babies. The only thing that feels brutal is when, right after the diagnosis and tests, they look you in the eye and say, "You're going to die." They tell you that you're dying from cancer with such cold, clinical detachment. But even so, you can tell they care. It’s fine once they explain everything and lay out your options. After that, it’s up to you and your family to decide. So, it's alright. They really do look after people there. And the nurses? Total saints. They pamper you like you're a newborn. I remember it vividly.