What does tolerance mean to you?

Where did that old-school tolerance go? It feels like people have become incredibly intolerant lately, ready to snap at anyone for no reason. My personal philosophy has always been pretty simple: "let you live, and let me live." I try to be understanding and patient with everyone; I’m naturally respectful and don't go looking for trouble with people without a good reason (that's just how I was raised)...
But lately, I feel like I'm being attacked over the smallest things—totally benign, everyday stuff like walking my dog, grabbing groceries at Target, or just riding the bus or driving my car. It comes out of nowhere. What is happening? Where is this sudden intolerance coming from, and why are people so quick to lash out at others for nothing? Honestly, it’s getting pretty depressing. Given how I view the world, I struggle to wrap my head around it—why are people acting this way, and why does it seem to be getting worse?

quiethound45 said:Where did all that old-school tolerance go? Why does it feel like everyone is just looking for a fight these days? My whole philosophy is basically "live and let live." I try to be respectful and mind my own business, but lately, people are snapping at me for absolutely nothing—just walking my dog or grabbing groceries. It’s so random! What happened? Where is this constant hostility coming from? Honestly, it feels pretty pathetic, and I just can't wrap my head around why it's getting so much worse.

Man, there's no way to answer that in just a few sentences... honestly, it feels like asking "why do we even exist?" 🙂 It's probably a mix of everything—evolution, shifts in how our society works, legal changes, the economy, new generations taking over, genetics... all of it hitting at once. 🙂 But you're definitely not imagining things, 🙂you aren't alone in noticing this.

To be real, this feels more like a question for sociology than psychology. Like you said, it seems more like a massive societal issue rather than just an individual thing, even if it's tied to mental health struggles.

It’s like I wrote it myself... Look, I have my limits too. I don’t just snap at everyone immediately. I stay calm, I keep my cool, but once someone crosses the line, I react. People tend to mistake composure for weakness; they think because you're level-headed, you're a pushover they can walk all over. But if they push it too far, they're going to find out I have teeth too.

...Some people act like they're the only ones dealing with anything. They get incredibly sensitive, but honestly, that's just how people are—you meet all kinds out there.

Maybe they only start these threads about people who are actually chill and way too patient.

Stan said:That sounds just like me... I’ve got plenty of patience and I don't snap immediately. I stay calm, I keep it together, but once someone crosses the line, I react. People try to take advantage of a chill person because they think you're a pushover, but if they push too far, you've gotta show some teeth.

...some people act like they're the only ones with issues and get way too sensitive, but honestly, people are just like that... there are all kinds out there...

maybe they only start threads about people who are laid-back and way too tolerant

hehe, nice one 👍

Andrew Scott98 said:hehe, nice one 👍

This forum has actually been pretty good for me... just look at the post above...

Stan said:this forum has actually been a positive influence on me... you can tell by looking at my previous post...

I just hope Stan isn't an anagram for Satan. 😉

Andrew Scott98 said:I really hope Stan isn't an anagram for Satan.😉

...nah, definitely not... it's just an old nickname from back when I was in preschool...

🙂 Haha, you guys actually cheered me up. I was starting to think I was the only one feeling this way 😳 ...just kidding, obviously 😬
Anyway, I don't know—I feel like it’s mostly down to an individual's character and how they were raised—you know, their mindset and psyche—so that’s why I leaned toward psychology. If you look at it from a psychological perspective, whether someone decides to attack another person for no reason really comes down to the individual... I mean, I agree that a huge number of factors have driven social tolerance down to zero, and people have become terrible in that regard due to all sorts of internal struggles, but we all have our problems, and it doesn't mean we all lash out...

To give a specific example, my last walk with my dog really brought this home for me

I was walking and just thinking about my own issues (that brutal exam 😳 😬 ) and my dog—who is honestly so sweet she wouldn't hurt a fly and has never snapped at anyone or anything—was just strolling along. She stopped ahead of me to wait, but then some guy bypassed me and ended up right in front of her. He just turned around and started yelling at me for no reason at all, telling me to leash her, saying this and that—I was just in shock. No one had done anything to him, and I even told him she wasn't going to hurt him and suggested he just walk around if he was worried so I could keep moving, but he just kept screaming... completely irrational
But there are jerks like that everywhere, I'm used to it... it just hit me hard because in that same situation, I would have just walked around the dog and kept going (especially since the road is wide enough for a semi-truck, and my dog was just on the edge, so he really just had to stop behind her—it was like he was looking for a fight 😕 )... I don't know... I'm feeling pretty down about it. I'm not worried about myself, per se, but what if someone like that just hits my dog out of nowhere tomorrow? (And they've actually tried that before!) Or what if they attack a child and leave them in shock? I don't know... I'm just scared of how intolerant society has become 👎

quiethound45 said:🙂 haha, you guys actually cheered me up! I was starting to think I was the only one out there 😳 ...just kidding, obviously 😬
Anyway, I don't know—I feel like it’s just a matter of character and how someone was raised. Like, it comes down to their mindset and personality, which is why I tagged this under psychology. If you look at it from a psychological perspective, whether people decide to attack someone for no reason or stay chill is entirely up to the individual. Now, I totally agree that a bunch of different factors have tanked social tolerance to zero, and people have become awful because of their own internal struggles, but we all have problems—it doesn't mean we all go around biting people...
To give you a specific example, my last walk with my dog really triggered this feeling...
I was walking, just lost in thought about my own issues (that brutal Bar Exam 😳 😬), when my dog—who is honestly so sweet she wouldn't hurt a fly and has never even growled at anyone—was just strolling along. She stopped ahead of me to wait, but then some guy cut me off and ended up right in front of her. He just turned around and started screaming at me for absolutely no reason, yelling about leashes and whatnot. I was in total shock... nobody did anything to him. I even told him the dog wasn't going to bother him and that if he was uncomfortable, he should just walk around her, and I tried to keep moving. But he just kept yelling... completely losing his mind for no cause...
Look, there are idiots everywhere; I'm used to it... but it hit me hard because in that exact same situation, I would have just walked around the dog and moved on (especially since the road was wide enough for a semi-truck, and the dog was just on the curb, so he basically had to stop behind her—it was like he was hunting for a fight 😕)... I don't know... I feel sad. I'm not worried about myself, per se, but what if someone like that decides to hit a pet out of nowhere tomorrow? Or attacks a kid and leaves them in shock? I don't know... this intolerant society really scares me...👎

If I were in his shoes, I would've just walked around the dog and laughed it off. Animals make me happy, and I honestly can't wrap my head around why he was so worked up...

Seriously, just grab a boyfriend and have him walk with you and the dog next time...
People can be absolute trash; some are just sitting there waiting for an excuse to lash out at someone...
And that "gentleman" probably wouldn't have barked at you if you were a guy. He only feels tough because he gets to pick on a woman with a dog, while he likely goes home and gets yelled at by his wife...
I actually have a strategy for stuff like this. In those situations, I start laughing—like, a sweet, genuine laugh—because I genuinely can't process what's happening. I just shut it down. I think to myself, "Why do you care? You're not that important anyway." And if they start getting insulting to my face? Man, nothing bugs me more than some random smart-ass trying to lecture me in the middle of the street while everyone watches. Not gonna happen...

Stan said:If I were in his shoes, I’d just walk right past the little cottage and keep smiling. Animals bring me joy, so I don't really get why he found it so difficult...

Well, maybe call your boyfriend and have him join you and the little dog on your walks...
Honestly, some people are just awful; they seem to be just waiting for an excuse to lash out at someone...
And that "gentleman" probably wouldn't have barked at you if you were a man. He likely feels powerful attacking a girl with a dog because he gets bossed around by his wife at home...
I have my own way of handling stuff like this. In those situations, I usually just start laughing—kind of sweetly, too—because I honestly can't wrap my head around what the problem is. Then I just ignore them. I think to myself, "Why do you even care? You aren't that important anyway." But if someone starts being insulting, I'll snap back immediately. It really gets under my skin when some know-it-all starts lecturing me in public while everyone watches. I won't stand for that...

My boyfriend isn't here right now; he's in a different city, so he can't really help me out in these moments...😳
But it wasn't actually this specific thing that upset me. It was just one more instance in a long line of things...
I used to work part-time at a local 7-Eleven for a bit—which was quite an experience...😲 ...I really respect people who work in customer service...

I realize that not everyone likes animals. That's why I'm pretty mindful about where I go. I try to pick quieter spots, avoid crowded areas, and stay away from kids so I don't bother anyone with my love for pets. But people don't seem to see that, and they still attack me. Plus, there are plenty of things I personally dislike, but I tolerate them. I don't interfere where I'm not wanted and let people live their lives how they choose. Clearly, most people don't look at it that way...😢
People are unpredictable, and so are their reactions. If I started laughing at them, who knows? They might pull a knife or something and attack me. These days, it's hard to tell where someone's sanity ends...

quiethound45 said:🙂 haha—you guys just made my day! I honestly thought I was the only one feeling this way 😳 ...just kidding, obviously 😬
anyway, who knows—I feel like it’s more about a person's character and how they were raised—like their mindset and psyche—so that's why I leaned toward psychology... because if you look at it psychologically, people can choose to attack someone for no reason or they can choose not to... it's down to the individual... and yeah, I agree that a massive amount of factors have tanked social tolerance to zero, and people have become awful regarding that due to all sorts of internal issues... but we all have problems, and we don't all go around biting people...

To give a specific example, my last walk with my dog really brought this home for me...

I'm out walking, thinking about my own stress (this huge Bar Exam 😳 😬), and my dog—who is seriously the sweetest thing and wouldn't hurt a fly—is just strolling along peacefully. She stopped in front of me to wait, but some guy cut around me and ended up right in front of her. He just turned around and started screaming at me for absolutely no reason, yelling about leashes and whatnot—I was just stunned... he wasn't even bothered by us, and I even told him she wouldn't hurt him and suggested he just walk around if he was worried so I could keep moving, but he just kept shouting... totally irrational...
Look, there are jerks everywhere, I'm used to it... but it hit me hard because in that same situation, I would have just walked around the dog and kept going (especially since the street is wide enough for a semi-truck, and she was just on the edge, so he basically had to stop behind her—it was like he was looking for a fight 😕)... I don't know... I'm just sad. I'm not worried about myself, but what if someone like that just hits a dog out of nowhere tomorrow? (They actually tried that once!!!) Or attacks a kid and leaves them in shock... I don't know... this intolerant society really scares me...👎

Okay, in this specific case, it's not just psychological, it's clearly a mental health issue with that guy. 🙂 But I think, generally speaking, this whole topic could also fall under sociology because the threshold for everyday tolerance is incredibly low and getting more alarming by the day... and I don't mean general tolerance, but specifically toward those small, daily things that shape our overall perception... This man clearly has some history with dogs, and he's in a mental state—maybe permanent, maybe just temporary—where he has this aggressive impulse. Who knows, maybe it has nothing to do with your gender or age; for people like him, any obstacle feels like a bigger challenge, which just gives them more room to act on those impulses. 🙂

So—nothing personal, right? 👍

quiethound45 said:My boyfriend isn't even here right now—he's in another city, so he can't really step in and help me through stuff like this...😳
But honestly, that’s not even what’s getting to me...it’s just one more thing in a long line of things that have happened lately...
I used to work part-time at a local 7-Eleven for a bit—something I'd never actually experienced before😲 ...and it made me realize how much I truly respect people who work in customer service...

It’s obvious to me that not everyone is an animal lover. That’s why I try to be mindful; I tend to go where it's less crowded, I stay away from crowds of kids, and I do my best to make sure my love for animals doesn't bother anyone...but people just don't see that, and they still come at me. Plus, there are plenty of things I personally dislike, but I still tolerate them... I don't stick my nose where it doesn't belong, and I let people live their lives however they want. Clearly, most people don't see it that way, though...😢

You just have to accept that situations like this are going to happen; there's no avoiding it. Just head to places where you feel comfortable, where you can just hang out with your dog in peace. It's honestly best to just ignore those types of people—act like you couldn't care less what they say. You could even play it off by acting totally oblivious and saying something like, "Wow, someone's having a rough day!" or "Who's making all that noise?"... But if they keep badgering you and getting right in your face even after you've walked away, then just walk out and leave them to it. Not everything is a personal attack on you... everyone has their moments where they just snap...🙂

That wasn't even directed at me... I think he's just frustrated with life in general, and I guess I'm just an easy target for him to vent to. That's just how things are going lately.
And you can't really escape these situations anymore... No matter where I turn, there’s this constant, silly intolerance—whether I'm at the grocery store, driving, on the bus, dealing with neighbors in my apartment building, or even here on this forum. Everyone always seems to have something to say or someone to snap at, usually over these incredibly trivial things that I wouldn't even bother complaining about myself.

I was just using that thing with the dog today as an example, mostly because it's become such a regular occurrence for me... but it wasn't like this before—at least not nearly this much. I remember about ten years ago, maybe you'd see a random confrontation here and there on the subway or something over a seat, but nowadays, I feel like I'm stumbling into these ridiculous little incidents almost every single day. It honestly feels like people have lost it sometimes; everyone just seems so intolerant of everyone else.

Look, I probably went a bit too hard on you about those walks with your wife, but honestly, it’s kind of inevitable... everyone just does what they have to do to get by.

I don't know... I actually find it just as ridiculous as you do. It's not like I'm at fault here—I know I’m not the problem, and maybe it’s just because we tend to be pretty laid-back people by nature—but the sheer amount of hostility and arrogance out there really catches me off guard. I feel like I can't even relax outdoors or enjoy some peace anymore. People like that can drive you toward paranoia; you try so hard to avoid these pointless confrontations, but when you can't, you start looking over your shoulder, just waiting for someone to pop up and attack you over something stupid.
I'm not sure where you're located, but living in a massive place like New York City, you just can't escape social contact no matter where you go...

quiethound45 said:I was just using that thing with the key as an example, since that's what I'm used to... but it wasn't like this before—at least not nearly this much. I remember about 10 years ago, you might see someone get bumped on a subway or something over a seat once in a while, but nowadays? It feels like I'm running into these stupid little confrontations almost every single day. You honestly start feeling like people have just lost their minds and become intolerant toward everyone and everything...

I’ve definitely been noticing it too, and I talk about it all the time... which is why I mentioned that this stuff really falls under sociology, too. 🙂

Andrew Scott98, you know that one phrase I bet you absolutely love hearing whenever someone tells you to just relax...🙂

Andrew Scott98 said:I’ve been noticing that too and I bring it up all the time... which is why I mentioned that this topic falls pretty squarely under sociology, too. 🙂

Maybe I should start the thread over there instead, though I'm not sure if they allow two identical topics across different subforums (wouldn't want to get banned)... I guess it just depends on how much leeway the moderators give for stuff like that.😬 😁 😬

Andrew Scott98 said:Hey, you know that phrase you probably love hearing whenever someone tells you... "don't take it so personally"...🙂

It’s not that I’m taking it personally—I was just wondering if I'm the only one noticing this shift, or if there are other people out there who tend to stay passive in social settings and just live by a "let it be" kind of motto.🙂

quiethound45 said:I’d probably start it over there too, I just don't know if they allow two identical threads on two different subforums... wouldn't want to get banned! Not sure how much slack the mods give us in those situations.😬 😁 😬

Oh, they won't ban you. Honestly, you could just ask them to move it over or see if they'll let you post it there. 🙂 If they aren't banning people for the way heavier stuff goes down here, I doubt they'd touch you for that.🙂