Emotional Intelligence: A blessing or a curse?

Does having high empathy automatically mean you've got high EQ too?
Or can someone be super empathetic but have zero emotional intelligence?
Also—quick question—can a psychopath actually be emotionally intelligent?
Like, personally, I feel like I’m an empathetic person, but my interpersonal EQ is basically non-existent.
I can feel what others are going through, but I'm always second-guessing myself—like, am I just misreading the situation cognitively?
For instance, if I sense fear in someone else, how am I supposed to know if they're actually feeling it too?

Honestly, you’re just being (hyper)sensitive. 😉
I mean, I get it, sometimes that isn't easy either, I guess.

I’ve got this buddy who is clearly brilliant, but his EQ is basically non-existent. The guy just doesn't get how to act—not with strangers, not with friends, and definitely not with girls. To him, it's hilarious to shove a piping hot slice of pizza right in someone's face. He thinks it's comedy gold to make these photorealistic Photoshop edits of his friends doing... well, extremely graphic things, and then blast them out to everyone via email without even mentioning it's a joke. And when he's drunk? He starts getting physical with people. The thing is, he's a good person at heart and incredibly smart. But over the last few years, everyone he knows has started dodging him or just cutting him off entirely. Honestly, I’m exhausted from constantly making excuses for him whenever he acts like a complete jerk or a straight-up sociopath. I've tried talking to him about it so many times. I'll lay it all out, explain exactly why he's messing up, and he’ll just nod along, agree with me, promise he won't do it again... and then two days later, he's right back to his old ways. I’m genuinely worried about him because he’s my friend, but if he keeps this up, he’s going to end up completely isolated. He's becoming more and more socially stunted by the day. What am I even supposed to say or do at this point?

restlessmarlin6 said:You're simply (hyper)sensitive. 😉

I deal with that same "issue" myself. 😉

It isn't always easy, I agree.

It isn't, though there are certainly advantages to it. One just needs to learn how to manage the dosage, which can be quite tricky at times.

Look, about that whole EQ thing—just ignore all the haters. You basically described one of my own traits. Don't go overdoing the "forgetting" part while simultaneously overusing things like empathy or crying, you know? Maybe try setting some boundaries and just learning when to say "screw it" instead of getting emotional. Honestly, people with that kind of power can be dangerous; they can pull off huge wins just by saying a few well-placed words. I don't know if this actually helps you, though. I’ve got all this stuff in my head but I'm not great at putting it into words... maybe that's why I don't think about EQ much. Anyway, there's a ton more to say about this.

Jason Sanchez3 said:I’m not sure if anyone will get this, or even believe me. I really hope there are others out there like me because I could use some advice...
Ever since I was a little girl, I felt everything. I felt the whole world and everyone around me. I wasn't exactly a "typical" kid—didn't really follow the rules or go with the crowd, and I never judged other kids. I've always just been... different.
I eventually realized I have incredibly sharp intuition and high intelligence. My brain connects dots and processes info way faster than most people. I can see a problem from every possible angle instantly and pick the most realistic path based on my gut feeling.
I didn't have many friends back then. Crowds weren't my thing, and honestly, people didn't always like me because I'm too honest. Most people are a little afraid of the truth. I was pretty withdrawn and shy. But when I turned 16, I decided to completely reinvent myself—physically and personality-wise. I wanted to be strong and magnetic. Through a lot of hard work, I did it. I built myself into a complete person. Since 16, I've spent my time observing and analyzing people, sharpening that intuition and mental processing speed even more. But now, I've hit a bit of a breaking point...

I've become hyper-sensitive to other people's pain and emotions. I can feel the energy someone is radiating just by being near them, and I can read non-verbal cues perfectly. When I'm with someone—and this applies to everyone, but especially my partner—I find it impossible to hurt them or be selfish. I can't say the wrong thing because I already know exactly how they'll feel. I can't make mistakes because I'm too aware of their fears. I can't even afford to be a flawed human being.😢 - basically, I end up knowing a person better than they know themselves in such a short time.

I'm actually great at reading and influencing people, which is helpful for my career, though I'm totally sincere and rarely use it that way.

Sometimes I'll burst into tears over a news article because I feel the tragedy in the story so deeply. Yet, at the same time, I stay completely cold toward anything exaggerated or fake. If it isn't real, I don't feel it.

Some days, I feel like a robot. My brain is constantly bombarded by emotions and data, all being analyzed and processed. I often finish people's sentences before they even get them out. I remember everything—every word said, what I said, where we were, and exactly how everyone was reacting in that moment.

It's perfect sometimes, but other times... I just want it all to stop.😢 I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I'd really love to hear your thoughts or if you've experienced anything similar.

That's how I used to be. I say "used to" because now I'm a total wreck. I started taking things too much to heart, and some things began to scare me. My self-confidence dropped, even though it wasn't great before. Now, I've become a bit sharper, and sometimes I lack that empathy, which scares me.//
Not to mention that when I judge someone based on a first impression, I'm rarely wrong. Another issue was that I only saw the good in people; no matter how wicked they were, I searched for the good in them. I had compassion for everyone.

When it comes to people being honest, they'll forgive just about anything—except for her lack of it.

Jason Sanchez3 said:I’m not sure if anyone will get this, or even believe me. I really hope there are others out there like me because I could use some advice...
Ever since I was a little girl, I felt everything. I felt the whole world and everyone around me. I wasn't exactly a "typical" kid—didn't really follow the rules or go with the crowd, and I never judged other kids. I've always just been... different.
I eventually realized I have incredibly sharp intuition and high intelligence. My brain connects dots and processes info way faster than most people. I can see a problem from every possible angle instantly and pick the most realistic path based on my gut feeling.
I didn't have many friends back then. Crowds weren't my thing, and honestly, people didn't always like me because I'm too honest. Most people are a little afraid of the truth. I was pretty withdrawn and shy. But when I turned 16, I decided to completely reinvent myself—physically and personality-wise. I wanted to be strong and magnetic. Through a lot of hard work, I did it. I built myself into a complete person. Since 16, I've spent my time observing and analyzing people, sharpening that intuition and mental processing speed even more. But now, I've hit a bit of a breaking point...

I've become hyper-sensitive to other people's pain and emotions. I can feel the energy someone is radiating just by being near them, and I can read non-verbal cues perfectly. When I'm with someone—and this applies to everyone, but especially my partner—I find it impossible to hurt them or be selfish. I can't say the wrong thing because I already know exactly how they'll feel. I can't make mistakes because I'm too aware of their fears. I can't even afford to be a flawed human being.😢 - basically, I end up knowing a person better than they know themselves in such a short time.

I'm actually great at reading and influencing people, which is helpful for my career, though I'm totally sincere and rarely use it that way.

Sometimes I'll burst into tears over a news article because I feel the tragedy in the story so deeply. Yet, at the same time, I stay completely cold toward anything exaggerated or fake. If it isn't real, I don't feel it.

Some days, I feel like a robot. My brain is constantly bombarded by emotions and data, all being analyzed and processed. I often finish people's sentences before they even get them out. I remember everything—every word said, what I said, where we were, and exactly how everyone was reacting in that moment.

It's perfect sometimes, but other times... I just want it all to stop.😢 I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I'd really love to hear your thoughts or if you've experienced anything similar.

To me, it looks like you're just obsessed with yourself and have a deep-seated need to talk about your own life. Instead of calling this thread "Emotional Intelligence," you might as well have titled it "Jason Sanchez3 — THE STORY OF ME, WRITTEN BY ME."

Reading through these explosive posts, I couldn't help but add my own two cents. 🙂
Jason Sanchez3, I didn't realize that this whole "I'm the victim and nobody understands me" routine was being rebranded as emotional intelligence—after all, I’ve lived quite well with that diagnosis for 33 years, and one learns as they go...
I could easily write a novel about how I’ve felt completely trampled by people—the very same people I poured everything into, the ones whose troubles I wept over as if they were my own. I felt their pain, and I thought their thoughts right through to the end. But that’s exactly where the mistake lies; everyone has their own integrity, and what right do I have to finish someone else's thought in my head? No one ever asked me to let my empathy drag me down. Even the mere suggestion that someone else's misery drains our energy can make them feel like we owe them something they never asked for—resulting in a frustration that manifests as Ingratitude. And what do we do? We expect something in return, and that fact alone brands us as selfish. It's a terrible cycle: we give so much, only to be judged as selfish in return. Then we realize no one understands us, that we're just different... Jason Sanchez3, the Bible says to love your neighbor as yourself... understand that part: *as yourself*. To love another, you have to love yourself first. Simple as that.
I'm not sure if you read my post on that other forum where you asked how to bring emotion back into a relationship; I told you then to take time for yourself—strictly for yourself—and that applies here too. Look at where you are in life and try to listen to your own inner voice; it’s been trying to tell you something. I put a lot of love and energy into that post because I truly wanted to help, yet I got nothing from you. Now, imagine if I had actually expected a reaction and started projecting my own assumptions onto you? My goodness, the things I could have thought... maybe you felt I wasn't worth responding to because of my accent, or maybe you just don't like my handle... who knows. But that's the point: I wrote it because I wanted to help, for my own sake, not for your feedback. I liked that story about the newspaper article that made you cry. Just imagine if you were actually there at the scene, watching everything unfold, unable to help because you're paralyzed by grief... while someone else rolls up their sleeves and jumps in at full speed. Think about who gets the credit and who gets the contempt. And of course, even here on the forum, people respond by bringing up psychiatry, leaving you wondering why they're doing that and regretting you ever opened the topic. And once again... nobody understands me.
I've come to realize that when someone "attacks" me, they are really just holding up a mirror to whatever is happening inside me. In other words, if someone has an issue with me, that is strictly their problem, not mine. Why should I second-guess my actions just so someone else will think well of me? Believe me, people love me exactly as I am, because I'm honest and I allow them to solve their own problems—I'm just here to help when they ask. That way, they get confirmation that they are capable and important, and they feel the security of knowing I trust them. Dr. Mikao Usui laid out a few rules for living:
just for today, don't be angry
just for today, don't worry
just for today, be grateful
just for today, work hard
just for today, be kind to those close to you

😘

IQ and EQ aren't exactly the same thing when you look at them through different lenses. They represent different ways to measure success, which really makes the whole concept quite relative.😍

Douglas Brown4 said:What you have is called INTELLIGENCE.
As for what you're asking about—that thing called "emotional intelligence"—it is a bit like the Mormons in the USA:
Americans are so frustrated by the fact that they don't have an indigenous religion that they had to go ahead and invent one.
It's the same with foolish people. They want to be intelligent too. Various managers, scammers, bar owners... they all possess a very low form of intelligence known as PEASANT CUNNING.
Well, in modern times, with these trends where everyone wants to feel special—even though most people can't move an inch away from their herd—they invented the concept of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE and stuffed their own CUNNING into it.
Basically, they pitted it against actual INTELLIGENCE and started claiming it is vaznij. So, the EQ of some dart player in a pub, or someone like Franc Ozbolt or Cinober, is supposedly more important than the IQ of Albert Einstein.
And I guess it will stay that way as long as American managers keep writing their life essays instead of focusing on what they actually know how to do: stealing.

'Gosh, I was struggling so hard to find the right word for this phenomenon, and then boom—there it is! What a perfect way to put it! Thank you, truly!

Yeah, I've always wondered why certain people—people who clearly lack any real cognitive depth—can't grasp basic concepts, yet possess this uncanny, highly developed ability to use dirty little tricks to screw others over for their own gain. I suppose it's just evolutionary conditioning, isn't it? If you can't win with actual intelligence, you fall back on "rustic cunning"... or, as my friend would say, when God closes one door, He opens a window. But unfortunately, it feels like most people are just opening windows to sneakily grab whatever they can through sheer craftiness rather than being genuinely bright...

driftingfox33 said:'Gosh, I was struggling so hard to find the right word for this phenomenon, and then boom—there it is! What a perfect way to put it! Thank you, truly!

Yeah, I've always wondered why certain people—people who clearly lack any real cognitive depth—can't grasp basic concepts, yet possess this uncanny, highly developed ability to use dirty little tricks to screw others over for their own gain. I suppose it's just evolutionary conditioning, isn't it? If you can't win with actual intelligence, you fall back on "rustic cunning"... or, as my friend would say, when God closes one door, He opens a window. But unfortunately, it feels like most people are just opening windows to sneakily grab whatever they can through sheer craftiness rather than being genuinely bright...

but honestly, it's that EQ that really separates the good managers from the bad ones..
who do you think performs better in a meeting? Someone with empathy who actually reads the room and watches how a client reacts, or someone totally oblivious?
it's also pretty proven that women tend to have higher emotional intelligence, which makes them better bosses... they're just better at handling people...

one more thing........
raw intellect, general intelligence (being able to adapt), and EQ are three totally different things altogether.....

well, I guess I got lucky and ended up with both kinds of intelligence.... 😍

In my opinion, what you’ve got going on is just sensitivity... or maybe even hypersensitivity...

As far as I can tell, emotional intelligence is about as much of a legitimate scientific concept as Marti misterija is... ☕

Kyle Nelson2 said:In my opinion, what you’ve got going on is just sensitivity... or maybe even hypersensitivity...

As far as I can tell, emotional intelligence is about as much of a legitimate scientific concept as Marti misterija is... ☕

Haha, the real issue here is just being a bit uninformed... ☕

"Emotional intelligence is often overlooked, even though it plays a massive role in our lives. A lot of people dismiss emotions as mere distractions in our functional, logical brains. However, theorists argue that emotions are actually key. They believe emotions help us make decisions that are generally more rational and successful. The roots of emotional intelligence go back to social intelligence, which was first defined by E. L. Torndika in 1920. Essentially, the term refers to the ability to balance reason with feeling. It’s a set of emotional skills that allow a person to correctly choose how to use their feelings and subconscious mechanisms when interacting with others, which ultimately helps us understand and improve human nature."

"Research shows that a high IQ alone doesn't guarantee success. To truly thrive, a person needs both a high IQ and a high EQ. Having both leads to a better career, improved mental and physical health, and higher quality relationships. On the flip side, highly rational people with high IQs are often dissatisfied with their lives—members of Mensa are a proven example of this. A high IQ isn't a requirement for finding happiness or love, which is what everyone is after. IQ, sometimes called technical intelligence, doesn't have much to do with one's emotional life. In fact, some people with very high IQs can be prone to impulsive instincts and negative outbursts of passion."

Jason Sanchez3 said:I’m not sure if anyone will get this, or even believe me. I really hope there are others out there like me because I could use some advice...
Ever since I was a little girl, I felt everything. I felt the whole world and everyone around me. I wasn't exactly a "typical" kid—didn't really follow the rules or go with the crowd, and I never judged other kids. I've always just been... different.
I eventually realized I have incredibly sharp intuition and high intelligence. My brain connects dots and processes info way faster than most people. I can see a problem from every possible angle instantly and pick the most realistic path based on my gut feeling.
I didn't have many friends back then. Crowds weren't my thing, and honestly, people didn't always like me because I'm too honest. Most people are a little afraid of the truth. I was pretty withdrawn and shy. But when I turned 16, I decided to completely reinvent myself—physically and personality-wise. I wanted to be strong and magnetic. Through a lot of hard work, I did it. I built myself into a complete person. Since 16, I've spent my time observing and analyzing people, sharpening that intuition and mental processing speed even more. But now, I've hit a bit of a breaking point...

I've become hyper-sensitive to other people's pain and emotions. I can feel the energy someone is radiating just by being near them, and I can read non-verbal cues perfectly. When I'm with someone—and this applies to everyone, but especially my partner—I find it impossible to hurt them or be selfish. I can't say the wrong thing because I already know exactly how they'll feel. I can't make mistakes because I'm too aware of their fears. I can't even afford to be a flawed human being.😢 - basically, I end up knowing a person better than they know themselves in such a short time.

I'm actually great at reading and influencing people, which is helpful for my career, though I'm totally sincere and rarely use it that way.

Sometimes I'll burst into tears over a news article because I feel the tragedy in the story so deeply. Yet, at the same time, I stay completely cold toward anything exaggerated or fake. If it isn't real, I don't feel it.

Some days, I feel like a robot. My brain is constantly bombarded by emotions and data, all being analyzed and processed. I often finish people's sentences before they even get them out. I remember everything—every word said, what I said, where we were, and exactly how everyone was reacting in that moment.

It's perfect sometimes, but other times... I just want it all to stop.😢 I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.

I'd really love to hear your thoughts or if you've experienced anything similar.

Think less, live more. A whole lot more.

Christian Sanchez4 said:Think less, live more. A whole lot more.

At 23 years old, I feel like I’ve already done more good for people than most ever will. Just my two cents!😛

Jason Sanchez3 said:At 23 years old, I feel like I’ve already done more good for people than most ever will. Just my two cents!😛

-Was it not enough?
-Was it lacking quality?

If you're still wrestling with those kinds of doubts,

just keep it simple. Focus on meeting your immediate needs and live life to the fullest.🙂

Christian Sanchez4 said:-Was it not enough?
-Was it lacking quality?

If you're still wrestling with those kinds of doubts,

just keep it simple. Focus on meeting your immediate needs and live life to the fullest.🙂

Ugh... easy for you to say...😁
I've always been an analytical person; I overthink everything...

You can't really fight who you are.😍

Jason Sanchez3 said:Ugh... easy for you to say...😁
I've always been an analytical person; I overthink everything...

You can't really fight who you are.😍

But you can.😁

All jokes aside, I didn't feel like responding when I first read your initial post. I saw so much of myself in your words, though my experience happened a long time ago, and honestly, I dread having to explain the whole thing all over again. My darkest period hit right around age 20 or 22—it's a long story. Basically, after dealing with a mountain of issues and being someone exactly like you described, things got so heavy that I felt backed into a corner, facing impossible choices about whether to stay or go. By making a firm decision to change, I systematically cut out everything that was dragging me down—toxic people, bad jobs, old habits, my entire way of life. It took years to sort through it all, 🙂 let's be real but the point is, it is possible. You can change everything.
The fallout left me with occasional bouts of depression, but I've learned how to manage them. I've learned to step away before they truly take hold. For instance, if I feel it coming on, I avoid anything that might trigger a setback—from avoiding war movies to ensuring I don't let unresolved issues pile up at work or within my family. If you had met me back then versus seeing who I am now, the difference would be night and day. There is a lot of truth to that "ignorance is bliss" idea.😁
Anything can be changed if you decide to do it. Slowly, a person learns how to deal with their flaws and keep them under control, or at least most of the time.
It's too much to go into detail right now, but I just wanted to tell you that it can happen and it is doable.
And please, don't suffer in silence thinking you're alone. You aren't the only one who has dealt with this kind of mess. There are plenty of us still in that "lost souls" club.😁

Christian Sanchez4 said:But you can.😁

All jokes aside, I didn't feel like responding when I first read your initial post. I saw so much of myself in your words, though my experience happened a long time ago, and honestly, I dread having to explain the whole thing all over again. My darkest period hit right around age 20 or 22—it's a long story. Basically, after dealing with a mountain of issues and being someone exactly like you described, things got so heavy that I felt backed into a corner, facing impossible choices about whether to stay or go. By making a firm decision to change, I systematically cut out everything that was dragging me down—toxic people, bad jobs, old habits, my entire way of life. It took years to sort through it all, 🙂 let's be real but the point is, it is possible. You can change everything.
The fallout left me with occasional bouts of depression, but I've learned how to manage them. I've learned to step away before they truly take hold. For instance, if I feel it coming on, I avoid anything that might trigger a setback—from avoiding war movies to ensuring I don't let unresolved issues pile up at work or within my family. If you had met me back then versus seeing who I am now, the difference would be night and day. There is a lot of truth to that "ignorance is bliss" idea.😁
Anything can be changed if you decide to do it. Slowly, a person learns how to deal with their flaws and keep them under control, or at least most of the time.
It's too much to go into detail right now, but I just wanted to tell you that it can happen and it is doable.
And please, don't suffer in silence thinking you're alone. You aren't the only one who has dealt with this kind of mess. There are plenty of us still in that "lost souls" club.😁

Oh, and someone else actually gets 😘