Cielito said:Mark Davis14, can I be your girlfriend? 😉
I really miss having a partner—longing for kisses, touch, and just the feeling that I don't disgust at least one woman... someone who is actually willing to accept me for who I am, including my moods and feelings, which are often irrational due to low self-esteem and the fallout from old, unhealed traumas. But there’s a massive hurdle: for you to be my girlfriend, I’d have to find you physically attractive, which isn't exactly easy for me. Beyond that, I believe true love evolves from friendship; to get there, we’d need to actually know each other—flaws, mental quirks, and physical imperfections alike. Since I don't subscribe to the idea of "cyber sex" or digital friendships—because I think two people can only truly "feel" each other by looking them in the eye, not through a cold medium like the internet—it should be obvious what I think about being a "virtual girlfriend." I enjoy fantasizing, but I've never dared to play along with others, even here, despite the fact that the web is the perfect playground for people craving those experiences. For instance, video games never interested me—I've never been bored enough in my life to feel the need to "play out" my existence in virtual, artificial worlds; there are too many undiscovered realities right in front of me waiting to be noticed. I've always been drawn to that elusive truth—who I really am, the rules of life, the wisdom that survives through centuries within human characters and mindsets that shape eternal conflicts. What is truly real in my view of the world, versus what is just a false fruit of my imperfect attempts to label things as "true," or perhaps just biases formed in my earliest years...
I enjoy playing with words and sentences, but I hate seeing symbols scattered on a page—they feel so cold and unreliable, no matter how much emotion is poured into them. There's nothing warm or cozy about them; they are just symbols grouped into sentences to fuel our fantasies with ideas.
I believe you would appeal to me—that you’d be beautiful to me—because I don't just look at physical traits like breasts or body type; what I find most beautiful in women is precisely what sets them apart from men. Gentleness, grace, poise, eyes, a smile, certain movements. It's rare that I don't find a woman beautiful; I can find something striking in almost anyone. Whether that's because I idealize women too much, because I'm starving for female company and thus lowering my standards, or because I genuinely possess the ability to see beauty in nearly any creation... I don't know. Of course, this doesn't apply to men, children, or women over 40, which is perfectly normal. The only thing I can't stand is obesity—though that's more about my own self-discipline and a way I subconsciously punish myself, making it unpleasant for me to see an overweight woman regardless of her natural beauty. That's one of my flaws—judging people by their weight. I'm ashamed of it, but I can't help it.
Anyway, to finally answer you (the intro was a bit long, wasn't it, 🙂)—you can't be a "cyber girlfriend." You could be a real-life girlfriend, but only if we happened to cross paths somewhere in New York City, provided I find you physically attractive, and assuming that after building a friendship, we discover we love each other too much and actually fit together...
It's all just a precaution, because I have to admit I'm quite passionate by nature, and I wouldn't want to exploit someone's deeper, more lasting feelings just because of a trait I don't value at all...
At the end of the day, true love is what lingers once the fire dies down and the initial passion burns itself out—after all those beautiful, yet utterly cursed, things from the beginning have vanished...
Well, I suppose I should feel important after reading that. Just warming up my ego since I generally dislike myself—so, if my arrogance is a bit much, you'll just have to forgive me...😎
