Mark Davis14
Newcomer
8 messages
joined Aug 2006
The desire to simply cease existing usually kicks in when you’re trapped in a life loop that refuses to let you feel ALIVE—when every day is just a carbon copy of the last. In that kind of funk, finding any sense of purpose is nearly impossible, and without a North Star to guide you... well, there's no reason to keep moving forward. Some people try to find that meaning through RELIGION—essentially a desperate search for something higher—but modern faith has splintered into thousands of factions that have drifted far from their original roots. Most of these groups are built on distorted foundations of once-good ideas, which ironically leads to centuries of bloody warfare; the more certain someone is about their specific "truth," the more blinded and radical they become toward anyone who disagrees.
You actually have the power to shake things up—to perform a bit of life-restoration by chasing enough adrenaline to get your blood pumping before death inevitably catches up with us all. Of course, you can also avoid falling prey to those various cults that target people exactly like us—those of us who see every passing second as just another step closer to the inevitable decay of our bodies and brains. That’s exactly how they lure people in; they convince them that if they just lift their left foot while tapping their right against Marcus Aurelius's principles, they’ll somehow be spared from what fate has in store for the rest of us.
You can actually make use of this time you've been given—this youth—if nothing else, just to spite and mock that urge to die. How? Look, if you think you're brave enough to end it all, then use that same courage to experiment with living instead. Take up an extreme sport, learn skydiving, put yourself in situations where you’re staring death in the face. I guarantee you'll start valuing life only when it's illuminated by perspectives much more interesting than the ones you've had so far.
Most psychological struggles stem from fear. People are terrified of everything—fear of failing a class, fear of getting fired, fear of illness, death, loneliness, or even just expressing how they truly feel. Some fear a mediocre existence that drags on until old age. But there’s a cure for all of it; we just need to wake up the inner adventurers within us—the parts that push us to engage with the world and the vast spaces around us. We need to stop being so obsessively focused on our own internal suffering and complexes, which often drive us to subconsciously destroy others just to feel better. Suffering is really just a byproduct of being too self-absorbed. Once we start absorbing the world around us more broadly, we'll be too exhausted by the sheer momentum of existence to hear that inner voice whining about itself.
I'm guessing you're feeling pretty insecure and unhappy with your physical appearance—otherwise, you wouldn't be brooding on a forum. Besides, someone who genuinely believes they add something beautiful to the world, or thinks they're brilliant and handsome, would never dream of dying because their ego would make them feel too important to leave. But someone who feels small and insignificant—like an ant that nobody notices, let alone the stars or the cosmos—will eventually feel like they're just redundant to the universe.
I assume you're surrounded by flatlands, much like I used to be. That beautiful, agonizing emptiness that invites loneliness into your mind; when everything for miles is just level and identical, you can't help but feel tiny. And what is there to expect? More winter fog or sweltering summers? How can you find a glimmer of hope when your environment offers zero surprises? All you need to do is change your scenery—start walking, and keep walking until you hit some high ground.
Climb a mountain, reach a vantage point, and drink in the views that will offer a beauty your life hasn't seen yet. When you look out over the expanse beneath you, you'll feel like you finally have some control over the distance, and it'll be easier to breathe. It provides that necessary shift to inject some much-needed optimism and willpower back into your soul. All you need is a change, and that's achievable no matter how dark things look right now. If I were an old man, I wouldn't bother saying this—it would sound fake.
First thing you should aim for is succeeding at college—or even just high school—simply to feel some semblance of self-satisfaction. Beyond that, success is what actually grants you the leverage to change your circumstances. If you can’t find a reason to succeed, if you don't dream of one day buying a flashy car just to show off a little, or if you haven't stumbled upon some profound life philosophy to make sense of existence... then just achieve something so you can travel and explore this planet we call home. Believe me, witnessing the sheer diversity of natural beauty and the people scattered across this globe is something truly transcendent...
Then there's falling in love—that will shift your entire world. There is so much left for you to experience. Do you know what it feels like to touch a woman's skin, to run your hands through her hair, to find warmth in eyes looking back at you, or to hold someone who becomes your entire universe? Nothing on this earth carries more meaning than love. It fills the void and pushes away the nonsense. If you're currently stuck in a phase of unrequited longing, or if you're convinced no girl will ever give you a second glance, just realize how many living beings are out there waiting for your affection. Realize how many natural wonders and connections are available to you simply because you exist! You could do anything—you could go mad and become a Napoleon, you could spiral into addiction and wreck subway cars, you could be a straight-A student and earn awards... you can do whatever you want, yet you're just planning to die. There is always plenty of time for death, but for life, every single day brings less of it...
Change without dying is entirely possible; it's driven by our own willpower and the simple desire to be better...
Good luck...
