Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

mellowskipper said:I honestly don't see how this could be considered hypocritical. It all comes down to basic prioritization—kids really need to learn that sometimes you have to pass on one thing if you want to afford something else later on.
It’s a simple trade-off, like choosing between grabbing ice cream with friends or saving up for a pack of cigarettes.
My daughter doesn't even get a set allowance once a month; instead, she gets a little bit of cash every single day $3.25 because she'll head out for a soda or an ice cream in the park right after school—or maybe thirty minutes before. And if she’s heading out to McDonald's or catching a movie with her group, she gets a bit extra for that too.

I hear you, and I mostly agree. It only feels hypocritical if you look at it as: "Sure, you can smoke, but I'm not giving you the cash."
Especially since most of it happens at home. Those cigarettes don't just appear out of thin air... it’s either me buying them or her using my money to get them.

When it comes to "allowance" money, I always like to know where it's going and what it's being spent on.

Larry Gonzalez83 said:I hear you, and I mostly agree. It only feels hypocritical if you look at it as: "Sure, you can smoke, but I'm not giving you the cash."
Especially since most of it happens at home. Those cigarettes don't just appear out of thin air... it’s either me buying them or her using my money to get them.

When it comes to "allowance" money, I always like to know where it's going and what it's being spent on.

But realistically, they can all smoke if they want to; I was more wondering how we could actually stop them operationally. That was my point. Our blessing isn't going to include a clause about smoking, nor will it give her permission to smoke inside the house.

Larry Gonzalez83 said:I hear you, and I mostly agree. It only feels hypocritical if you look at it as: "Sure, you can smoke, but I'm not giving you the cash."
Especially since most of it happens at home. Those cigarettes don't just appear out of thin air... it’s either me buying them or her using my money to get them.

When it comes to "allowance" money, I always like to know where it's going and what it's being spent on.

But realistically, everyone has the option to smoke—how would we even stop them operationally? That was my thought process. Our blessing won't be tied to whether they smoke or not, nor will it magically prevent them from smoking inside the house.

Yesterday morning, my daughter announced her big decisions with total confidence: she’s starting a fitness routine and quitting smoking for good.
My husband and I were absolutely floored. We just stared at her, wondering if she was actually serious. Well, by noon, she had already rolled out her yoga mat, found a workout video on YouTube, and started training.
Later that afternoon, we headed down to the Mississippi for a backyard BBQ with some friends to celebrate a birthday.
I was genuinely optimistic. Seeing her go the whole day without a cigarette felt like a real breakthrough.
When we got home, she pulled the yoga mat back out and started doing floor exercises. It was only 11:00 PM.
My husband whispered that maybe she really meant it about the smoking part, and I hoped he was right.
This morning, he and I went to the local farmer's market while she slept in. We weren't gone long, but when we walked through the door, there she was, lighting up a cigarette.
My husband just remarked how long that lasted.
It was disappointing. But, she’s back on the yoga mat again.
Pure disappointment.

mellowskipper said:So, I found a lighter in my daughter's things yesterday—it just sort of spilled out when I was looking through her stuff. It didn't even smell like cigarettes, which is a relief, I suppose. She just looked at me like I was being dramatic and said that everyone has lighters and it’s totally normal. I mean, seriously? Why on earth would a seven-year-old be carrying around a lighter?
That whole phase where kids are obsessed with playing with matches or fire seems to have passed for her long ago, so I'm honestly just stumped...

Lmao, my mom did the exact same thing—found some lighters tucked away in a drawer. She immediately went into full interrogation mode, like, "What are you smoking? Are you losing your mind? Let me see those cigarettes right now." And there I am, blushing like crazy, opening up a closet that is absolutely overflowing with scented candles. Back when we were kids in Los Angeles, we used to hang out constantly—me and my friend would head over there because we were bored out of our minds at the Spanish district, and since the bus ran perfectly right then, we spent half our lives just wandering through local corner stores. I blew about $67 of my birthday money on those scented candles. So yeah, they aren't cigarettes... they're just candles. 😵😵

wiredcyclist18 said:Lmao, my mom did the exact same thing—found some lighters tucked away in a drawer. She immediately went into full interrogation mode, like, "What are you smoking? Are you losing your mind? Let me see those cigarettes right now." And there I am, blushing like crazy, opening up a closet that is absolutely overflowing with scented candles. Back when we were kids in Los Angeles, we used to hang out constantly—me and my friend would head over there because we were bored out of our minds at the Spanish district, and since the bus ran perfectly right then, we spent half our lives just wandering through local corner stores. I blew about $67 of my birthday money on those scented candles. So yeah, they aren't cigarettes... they're just candles. 😵😵

If you actually smoke, it hides the scent pretty well—though I don't really get the appeal, and neither does my husband.