Dealing with the teenage years is a nightmare

Nathan Bailey6 said:I've been rocking black polish since my thirties.
Now I'm 50 ☕

Well, that's certainly a bit of a late realization, isn't it? 😬

Michelle Nelson4 said:Well, that's certainly a bit of a late realization, isn't it? 😬

Honestly, I feel like I'm only halfway through my transition out of puberty myself. 😂
I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
Personally, I think it's fine, but I can't speak for everyone else. 😂

rowdypanther12 said:I’ve always wondered where people used to find actual black nail polish back in the eighties. Back in '91, I was basically just mixing ink into my clear coat to try and get a dark shade, and it wasn't until around '93 that a friend visiting from London finally gave me some real black polish. 😂

Back then, trips to San Francisco felt like hitting up a massive supermarket. My aunt would bring back everything—cans of Coca-Cola, Levi’s 501s, cigarettes, makeup, chocolate, even music... If I recall correctly, most of that came through John Doe, and probably easy enough. When I hear that song again, I’ll have to ask her where she found that black lacquer from '87...
Actually, 501 belonged to John Doe, and there were several other items we could source locally, but the bulk of everything essential had to come from San Francisco. I never personally made the trip there, even later in life...
The weather was incredible...

How on earth do you get a teenager to actually leave the house?

My son is about 14 and a half, and trying to convince him to hang out with friends outside the house feels like a total mission impossible. It’s just a constant loop of PlayStation, phones, or PC—it’s nothing but technology and voice chat these days.

The girls aren't interested yet, and honestly, looking at his buddies, none of them seem much better off... they're all glued to their screens.

I've tried everything. I suggested going to the movies together, maybe hitting up a pool hall afterward, or even just grabbing a soda... nothing works. Even when he finally agrees and asks his friends, everyone else always comes up with some excuse to stay inside.😵

This is supposed to be the age where they explore, go wild, and actually live life... instead, they're just rotting away at home.😢

This shift happens within a two-month window. You just give them a little nudge, and suddenly they're different kids altogether. There's no preventing it and no way to rush it. Everything unfolds in its own time, so just relax.

Elizabeth Morales49 said:How on earth do you get a teenager to actually leave the house?

My son is about 14 and a half, and trying to convince him to hang out with friends outside the house feels like a total mission impossible. It’s just a constant loop of PlayStation, phones, or PC—it’s nothing but technology and voice chat these days.

The girls aren't interested yet, and honestly, looking at his buddies, none of them seem much better off... they're all glued to their screens.

I've tried everything. I suggested going to the movies together, maybe hitting up a pool hall afterward, or even just grabbing a soda... nothing works. Even when he finally agrees and asks his friends, everyone else always comes up with some excuse to stay inside.😵

This is supposed to be the age where they explore, go wild, and actually live life... instead, they're just rotting away at home.😢

It’s just a phase. It’ll pass, and then one day you won't be able to get him to come home!

If you push too hard, you'll just trigger that teenage rebellion. It doesn't matter how much sense you make; it's a lost cause. Just let it be. Don't stress too much. In a few months, it'll be something else entirely anyway. Plus, at 14 and a half, he's still pretty easygoing compared to what might be coming in a year or two.

Once he hits high school, he'll meet a whole new crowd and find new interests...

I'll jump in here just to confirm—it really is all just phases.
Mine goes through these stages where they just refuse to leave the house; they’re constantly glued to their phones, texting, doing group calls, playing online games... you know how it is.
Then, suddenly, it flips—there are those phases where they want to be out wandering the neighborhood with their friends every single day. And I guess, during those times, homework somehow gets pushed to the middle of the night.
Honestly, I'm just counting down the days until this whole puberty thing is over.

Jason Ortiz5 said:It’s just a phase. It’ll pass, and then one day you won't be able to get him to come home!

If you push too hard, you'll just trigger that teenage rebellion. It doesn't matter how much sense you make; it's a lost cause. Just let it be. Don't stress too much. In a few months, it'll be something else entirely anyway. Plus, at 14 and a half, he's still pretty easygoing compared to what might be coming in a year or two.

Once he hits high school, he'll meet a whole new crowd and find new interests...

Just let him go. My wife and I used to party and hang out with our own crews all the time when we were younger—we weren't exactly inseparable back then anyway.😁

He’s already in high school. Six years of middle school followed by five years of high school, kind of like that structured system they have over in the UK...😉

But if I'm being fair, COVID really messed things up. They kept everyone stuck in those ridiculous little bubbles at school, so you couldn't even socialize with kids from other classes, just your own group.
Of course, once school lets out and everyone piles onto the same buses to head home, there aren't any problems socializing then...

School, homework, whatever else life throws at you... it's all part of the deal, I guess. Just the way it goes.🤣

Elizabeth Morales49 said:Just let him go. My wife and I used to party and hang out with our own crews all the time when we were younger—we weren't exactly inseparable back then anyway.😁

He’s already in high school. Six years of middle school followed by five years of high school, kind of like that structured system they have over in the UK...😉

But if I'm being fair, COVID really messed things up. They kept everyone stuck in those ridiculous little bubbles at school, so you couldn't even socialize with kids from other classes, just your own group.
Of course, once school lets out and everyone piles onto the same buses to head home, there aren't any problems socializing then...

School, homework, whatever else life throws at you... it's all part of the deal, I guess. Just the way it goes.🤣

Look, maybe try letting your kid just be his own person.
Just because you had a blast doing things that way doesn't mean he’ll feel the same—it’s really not a given. He isn't some mini version of you, and you can't expect him to just replay your teenage years—or rather, let you live them through him.

Elizabeth Morales49 said:Just let him go. My wife and I used to party and hang out with our own crews all the time when we were younger—we weren't exactly inseparable back then anyway.😁

He’s already in high school. Six years of middle school followed by five years of high school, kind of like that structured system they have over in the UK...😉

But if I'm being fair, COVID really messed things up. They kept everyone stuck in those ridiculous little bubbles at school, so you couldn't even socialize with kids from other classes, just your own group.
Of course, once school lets out and everyone piles onto the same buses to head home, there aren't any problems socializing then...

School, homework, whatever else life throws at you... it's all part of the deal, I guess. Just the way it goes.🤣

Does the kid really have to live through the exact same thing you and your wife did? Why assume he needs to find the same stuff fun as you guys?

Times change. I bet your parents gave you the same old "back in my day" speech too. Just let the kids have their fun their own way.

Elizabeth Morales49 said:Just let him go. My wife and I used to party and hang out with our own crews all the time when we were younger—we weren't exactly inseparable back then anyway.😁

He’s already in high school. Six years of middle school followed by five years of high school, kind of like that structured system they have over in the UK...😉

But if I'm being fair, COVID really messed things up. They kept everyone stuck in those ridiculous little bubbles at school, so you couldn't even socialize with kids from other classes, just your own group.
Of course, once school lets out and everyone piles onto the same buses to head home, there aren't any problems socializing then...

School, homework, whatever else life throws at you... it's all part of the deal, I guess. Just the way it goes.🤣

It is a completely different era. You cannot compare it to how we grew up.
They focus inward on themselves and their small circle of friends. My daughter was always a homebody. We never restricted her, nor did we push her to act according to our specific standards.
By the time I was fourteen, I was constantly out. I went to movies, knew every bus route in the city, and started hitting concerts with my older sister. However, unlike my daughter at that age, I didn't smoke or wear makeup—not even a little. And I certainly wasn't wasting my time staring at social media or a cell phone while stuck inside four walls.
I am not claiming my upbringing was better than hers, even if it feels that way from a parent's perspective now. Every generation has its own path, and I respect that. We just shouldn't take things to extremes. Let them find themselves under our quiet supervision. That is the best approach.

If I tally up all the pros and cons being discussed here, the truth is that puberty is just puberty. I can't honestly say today's teenagers have it harder than our generation did, nor that they have it easier. Every era has its own set of struggles. I'll be facing this myself in two or three years when my daughter hits that stage, and if she shows even a hint of that attitude early in the morning, I know I'm in for a world of trouble...

Trust me on this one—don't doubt it for a second. You better brace yourself. I was talking about puberty today with a colleague whose daughter is an eighth grader. She told me her class just got back from a two-day field trip. According to her, half the kids in that class smoke; these girls are out there puffing away right in front of their teachers like it's nothing. Looking at the photos from the trip, it’s all "mommy and daddy's little angels," and they aren't even trying to hide it. The teacher called a parent meeting after the fact, and the consensus is that this behavior has become an epidemic among this generation. Apparently, they were otherwise well-behaved—no drinking or illegal drugs—but cigarettes were everywhere. The woman was absolutely shell-shocked.
I just sat there listening in silence. I have a poser of a daughter at home who practically lives on cigarettes, so I'm hardly the shoulder to cry on regarding this topic. I chose to stay quiet, though. I didn't feel the need to justify myself to her.

Timothy Phillips said:Trust me on this one—don't doubt it for a second. You better brace yourself. I was talking about puberty today with a colleague whose daughter is an eighth grader. She told me her class just got back from a two-day field trip. According to her, half the kids in that class smoke; these girls are out there puffing away right in front of their teachers like it's nothing. Looking at the photos from the trip, it’s all "mommy and daddy's little angels," and they aren't even trying to hide it. The teacher called a parent meeting after the fact, and the consensus is that this behavior has become an epidemic among this generation. Apparently, they were otherwise well-behaved—no drinking or illegal drugs—but cigarettes were everywhere. The woman was absolutely shell-shocked.
I just sat there listening in silence. I have a poser of a daughter at home who practically lives on cigarettes, so I'm hardly the shoulder to cry on regarding this topic. I chose to stay quiet, though. I didn't feel the need to justify myself to her.

It definitely wouldn't be wise to bring up what we were like back in eighth grade. 😬

I still stand by what I said: God forbid they grew up doing half the stuff we did. And honestly? They aren't. Compared to us, today's kids are basically just little mama's boys and girls. 😈

Timothy Phillips said:Trust me on this one—don't doubt it for a second. You better brace yourself. I was talking about puberty today with a colleague whose daughter is an eighth grader. She told me her class just got back from a two-day field trip. According to her, half the kids in that class smoke; these girls are out there puffing away right in front of their teachers like it's nothing. Looking at the photos from the trip, it’s all "mommy and daddy's little angels," and they aren't even trying to hide it. The teacher called a parent meeting after the fact, and the consensus is that this behavior has become an epidemic among this generation. Apparently, they were otherwise well-behaved—no drinking or illegal drugs—but cigarettes were everywhere. The woman was absolutely shell-shocked.
I just sat there listening in silence. I have a poser of a daughter at home who practically lives on cigarettes, so I'm hardly the shoulder to cry on regarding this topic. I chose to stay quiet, though. I didn't feel the need to justify myself to her.

Well, it's hard to imagine me being any worse than that at that age. If it's genetic, my husband is a bit of a pushover, so maybe she'll take after him, I hope... 👍
How old is your daughter? When you say she "won't put down a cigarette," what does that look like in actual dollars 😁? Do you smoke? Usually, it starts at home. In my day, everyone from the kids to the old folks smoked; nobody around me ever made a big deal out of it. Back when I was a teenager, I can't even remember what life was like without smoke. It's bad, I know.

It’s not that she won't quit; maybe I was being a bit harsh, but she has really spiraled since starting high school this year. She used to just have a couple of cigarettes a day, but now she’s been smoking steadily for about a year.
I can't give you an exact dollar amount because, honestly, the cost isn't my main concern. If she's going through half a pack of slim cigarettes daily, you could probably estimate it at a few bucks a day—but regardless of what cigarettes cost in your area, health is much more expensive.
I’m not much of a smoker myself. I go days without lighting up, and I’ve tried quitting a hundred times. But truthfully, it seems to start at home here. My husband smokes even more than I do.
As for everything else, I don't have many complaints about her teenage years, except that she stares at her phone way too much, though I suppose that’s just a generational thing. Her schoolwork is fine; I really have nothing to complain about there.

Timothy Phillips said:It’s not that she won't quit; maybe I was being a bit harsh, but she has really spiraled since starting high school this year. She used to just have a couple of cigarettes a day, but now she’s been smoking steadily for about a year.
I can't give you an exact dollar amount because, honestly, the cost isn't my main concern. If she's going through half a pack of slim cigarettes daily, you could probably estimate it at a few bucks a day—but regardless of what cigarettes cost in your area, health is much more expensive.
I’m not much of a smoker myself. I go days without lighting up, and I’ve tried quitting a hundred times. But truthfully, it seems to start at home here. My husband smokes even more than I do.
As for everything else, I don't have many complaints about her teenage years, except that she stares at her phone way too much, though I suppose that’s just a generational thing. Her schoolwork is fine; I really have nothing to complain about there.

Just enjoy it while it lasts. With everything available today, it's a puberty most would envy...

Andrew Sanders64 said:Just enjoy it while it lasts. With everything available today, it's a puberty most would envy...

I still hope this phase passes quickly. She is certainly enjoying herself. She acts like she runs her own universe, which is actually a healthy foundation for growing up. She is Self-aware and mature for her age, especially compared to some of the high school girls she hangs out with.

Timothy Phillips said:I still hope this phase passes quickly. She is certainly enjoying herself. She acts like she runs her own universe, which is actually a healthy foundation for growing up. She is Self-aware and mature for her age, especially compared to some of the high school girls she hangs out with.

Please. When she lights up a cigarette, she looks like a total amateur... 😁 😁 😁

Andrew Sanders64 said:Please. When she lights up a cigarette, she looks like a total amateur... 😁 😁 😁

That’s a tougher situation. I don't actually link it to maturity; if anything, it's the opposite. She looks incredibly immature, and lighting a cigarette just makes her look even more foolish, though she obviously doesn't see it that way. I decided to completely ignore the whole thing back in the fall, and my life has been much more peaceful since then. She tells me, "Mom, why do you care if I smoke? It's not like it affects anyone else. Just relax."
Over Easter, we drove out to my mother's place in a small town for a few days. She puts on this front like she couldn't care less what people think, but I know she's actually embarrassed to smoke in front of Grandma because she’s always been the golden child. I also know she won't be able to go half a day without lighting one. One night, I went out to the car behind the house in the rain to grab something, and she immediately followed me out to light up. I realized what was happening and decided to play along, staying out there with her for a couple of minutes to shield her from Grandma's view—mostly for my own peace of mind. The problem is, my mother has radar; she saw and heard everything. As soon as we walked through the door, she asked, "Are you smoking, or did I imagine that?" My daughter replied, "No, Grandma, no. I just have one every once in a while when I'm bored."
"Alright, alright... just be careful. Don't let it become a habit; it's not good. You see how your mother can't seem to stop," Grandma told her. Then she gave me this judgmental look. I haven't touched a cigarette since before I finished college! The double standards are infuriating. But what could I possibly say? That her favorite grandchild smokes twice as much as I ever did? I keep my mouth shut. There is no point in reopening the argument.