Nonverbal communication tips?

placidfox52 · 2005-03-21T03:33:24+00:00

Working on my senior thesis about this and I’m running pretty low on sources... Anyone got a link or a book recommendation... or is everyone just planning to w…

William Gonzalez3 Regular

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#41 · Dec 23, 2005

jimmy jazz said:that’s why seasoned liars look you straight in the eye when they lie—they know it makes them more convincing.

I think you might be overestimating how much those career liars actually know about what they're talking about. 😉

Also, the GIF is a bit too large—if you really feel it's necessary, maybe try using a smaller one next time? L.

jadeotter30 Newcomer

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#42 · Dec 23, 2005

jimmy jazz said:
So what you’re saying is that when someone feels awkward or uncomfortable, they try to mask it—which essentially turns into hiding, shutting down, or, if they have that particular inclination, just straight-up lying. It makes sense why those seasoned pathological liars can look you right in the eye without blinking; they know that steady gaze makes the whole act much more convincing.
QUOTE]
The thing is, this person is usually incredibly blunt, which is exactly why I was so thrown off by it; seeing them act like that was a total departure from their usual, very direct personality.

As for the whole lying thing, I actually picked up on something similar while watching a documentary about pro poker players. They mentioned that about 80% of the game is really just reading body language—things like where you're looking, how you furrow your brows, or even just subtle movements around the mouth. At its core, poker is basically a game of deception designed to trick your opponent into making the wrong call.☕

shadowgardener12 Active Member

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#43 · Dec 23, 2005

Yeah... it's a game people play constantly, usually without even realizing it. If you see it for what it is, you've already got the upper hand. Some folks still call it manipulation.
Basically, the more self-aware you become, the stronger you get.

William Gonzalez3 Regular

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#44 · Dec 23, 2005

Of course I think it’s necessary.

Little gestures like yours from 😉—well, nobody even notices them.

But it doesn't really matter.
You're the one in charge.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to gossip about you with the philosophy moderators at Yale.

shadowgardener12 Active Member

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#45 · Dec 23, 2005

Lazy people struggling with a guilty conscience usually stare at the floor or look away.

Of course, they need to check your eyes first—to see if you're actually watching them lie—before they decide to look away. It’s that classic loop where one side thinks their little projections are going unnoticed, but the other person sees right through it and reacts instinctively. Then, the first side notices that reaction...

William Gonzalez3 Regular

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#46 · Dec 23, 2005

I think you're overanalyzing this just a little too much.

Real liars are dangerous precisely because they make the decision to lie in a split second—it’s instantaneous. Once that choice is made, the moral conflict just vanishes; there isn't any hesitation, no looking down at the floor, and certainly no avoiding eye contact.

There’s also another crucial point to consider. If you’re dealing with a true, seasoned liar, you won't even be able to tell when they are being dishonest versus when they are actually telling the truth.
Even if they fail to pull off a total deception, they’ll at least leave you questioning whether they were being sincere or just playing you.
If Giglio’s friend usually looks people straight in the eye, but suddenly starts staring at the ground, then I guess he's definitely hiding something unpleasant.

shadowgardener12 Active Member

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#47 · Dec 23, 2005

Most of it is just communication... ping-pong. Sociologists have that down pat.

Psychology needs to dig deeper, though. Look at what's actually driving things... or who's pulling the strings...

George Taylor94 Newcomer

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#48 · Dec 23, 2005

Look, it’s not like we're talking about being deceptive or immoral here. Honestly, back when I was a teenager, I spent half my life staring at the floor just because I was so incredibly insecure. Making eye contact felt totally overwhelming...
And besides, you can never—and I mean never—draw conclusions based on nonverbal cues if you're only looking at one single sign. You have to account for all the different dimensions involved. I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing anyone, but as far as I recall, nonverbal communication covers things like: vocal dynamics (think tempo, volume, and the specific tone used); facial expressions and micro-expressions (which would include someone staring at their shoes); body language; physical distance or personal space; gestures; there are plenty of other types too, but I can't think of them off the top of my head and I'm definitely not an academic...

shadowgardener12 Active Member

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#49 · Dec 23, 2005

honestly, you nerds... I can't even wrap my head around it, and I'm way out of my league here 😁 😁

Daniel Diaz6 Member

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#50 · Dec 23, 2005

My mom always knew when I was lying, even when I thought I was being slick. For the longest time, I honestly believed she had some kind of psychic superpower.😁

I have this friend who is absolutely obsessed with non-verbal communication. He picked up some book on the subject and now he thinks he’s an expert—he basically categorizes everyone based on their body language. Like, if I’m just struggling to put on a sandal, he’ll claim I’m unconsciously flirting with him.🤣 It’s honestly pretty ridiculous and narrow-minded.
Sure, if we’re both fully locked in and paying close attention during a conversation, you’re going to pick up on those physical cues,😉 and he might make a point. But you have to look at the big picture. There's always more going on beneath the surface than just one gesture.

I just realized that George Taylor94 actually hit the nail on the head just now! 👍

shadowgardener12 Active Member

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#51 · Dec 23, 2005

The sandal thing is proven. Of course, it all depends on the person's context. Maybe you have that context 😁

Daniel Diaz6 Member

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#52 · Dec 23, 2005

shadowgardener12 said:The whole sandal thing is a proven fact. Obviously, it all depends on the person's vibe. Maybe you just have that specific vibe. 😁

Yeah, I definitely have the vibe of someone who isn't trying to flirt. 😬

William Gonzalez3 Regular

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#53 · Dec 23, 2005

What actually drew you all to the study of nonverbal communication in the first place?

From what I’ve observed, it seems like people tend to dive into this when they’re essentially blind to what others are actually trying to tell them—though, in my opinion, the deeper issue is a sense of insecurity. It feels like they want to master these "reliable cues" just to find a shred of certainty in a world that feels constantly overwhelming.

But here’s the real catch: even after someone learns to spot those signs, it rarely solves their underlying anxiety. Instead, it just feeds into a certain loop of logic.
The thought process usually goes like this—if I can learn these signals, then surely anyone else could have learned them too. And if someone knows the rules, they can easily fake them. On top of the people who have studied the mechanics, you also have those individuals who are just naturally gifted at manipulating words and facial expressions—people for whom deception is as effortless as breathing. You might be able to recognize their manipulative patterns, but you still end up feeling powerless against them, because they know exactly where to strike and they play you like a puppet.

In the end, you’re still left without any real sense of security or self-confidence.

William Gonzalez3 Regular

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#54 · Dec 23, 2005

Daniel Diaz6 said:Yeah, I have the perspective of someone who isn't out here trying to flirt.

So, you have the context of someone who—in theory—shouldn't be flirting.
but, well, you still end up doing it anyway.
Please don't think anyone here is judging you for that.

We're really just trying to suggest that maybe you take a closer look at what you're actually doing—and perhaps consider why he perceives it as flirting in the first place.

Gerald Rivera60 Active Member

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#55 · Dec 23, 2005

I’m not looking to jump into this debate, I just wanted to drop a potentially interesting link here:
http://members.aol.com/nonverbal2/entries.htm#Entries

Paul Eckman spent considerable time studying nonverbal behavior and the mechanics of detecting deception.
His research suggests that even professionals who deal with lies daily—think FBI agents or federal investigators—aren't actually any better at spotting them than the average person. They're essentially just as bad off as everyone else.

jadeotter30 Newcomer

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#56 · Dec 23, 2005

William Gonzalez3 said:Why on earth did you even start studying nonverbal communication in the first place?

To pick up on things about people that they think they're hiding perfectly well.
Just to grab a little extra intel here and there.
Mostly just out of pure curiosity.

my own experience tells me that this is usually what people dive into when they're blind to what others are actually trying to tell them, and frankly, when they're feeling pretty insecure.
Well, your experience is clearly flawed. You might want to go find some better ones.

and my take would be this: if I was able to learn it, then surely anyone else could have picked it up too. And once someone masters those cues, they can certainly learn how to fake them.
I’ve heard that this stuff is studied most intensely in the hilly parts of the North America, where maybe only 8% of the population holds any advanced degrees. 😬

besides those folks who specifically studied the signs, you also have people who are just naturally gifted at manipulating language and facial expressions... because they know exactly where to strike and they treat you like a puppet on a string.
You really need to keep "training" constantly, otherwise, you'll leave yourself wide open to being manipulated by people like that.
It seems like you're giving up a little too easily. 😬

William Gonzalez3 Regular

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#57 · Dec 24, 2005

To sounds more like self-deception to me.
Why is it that you’re so driven to uncover the things people go out of their way to hide?
Is it genuine curiosity—or maybe just a bit of your own insecurity?

In my experience, it’s usually the latter.

I suppose you shouldn't believe everything you're told.
No one is ever going to admit that their interest in studying nonverbal communication was actually fueled by their own insecurities.
People rarely even admit that much to themselves, let alone to anyone else.

jadeotter30 Newcomer

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#58 · Dec 24, 2005

William Gonzalez3 said:don't believe everything you're told.

Honestly, that’s more of a mantra you should probably be reciting to your own reflection every morning.

William Gonzalez3 Regular

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#59 · Dec 24, 2005

No, no.
There really isn't any need to turn this discussion into such a heated confrontation.

Besides, you're right about that part.

By contesting that specific point I made—the one you just quoted—you've essentially dismantled my entire argument. It seems to prove that people are often quite willing, perhaps even too quick, to admit when they're feeling insecure or afraid of something.
It suggests that, generally speaking, people don't always strive to present themselves in the best possible light, which might be why they tend to stick to the truth most of the time.
And it implies that people study body language out of genuine curiosity rather than from a place of their own insecurity.

Anyway, let me clarify one thing.
I wasn't suggesting that there isn't some element of curiosity involved—the desire to learn how to read others like an open book to gain a sense of power over them is certainly there—but I was arguing that it's only a smaller portion of the motivation.
In my view, the larger part is rooted in insecurity.
But, looking at it now, I see that I was mistaken.

Regardless, we've drifted pretty far off-topic here.
I truly hope you manage to figure out why your friend can't seem to have a normal conversation with you anymore.

Best regards to everyone.

Emily Gonzalez51 Active Member

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#60 · Dec 25, 2005

It can also signify sheer confusion. If someone suddenly finds themselves in a situation where they’re paralyzed by indecision and have no clue how you expect them to act, they might just stare at the floor while trying to pull themselves together.

Nonverbal communication tips?

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