Jealousy

Of course ☕—and honestly, I’m not even losing any sleep over it... 😬

The distinction between envy and jealousy is simple—envy is about wanting someone else's traits or stuff, while jealousy is about fearing you'll lose someone to a third party. Envy involves two people, whereas jealousy brings a third into the mix. Honestly, they're both perfectly normal human emotions—not exactly "positive," obviously, but we all deal with them from time to time.

Tanja art said: Is this actually a disease?

How deeply is it embedded in our nature?

And how on earth do we get past it?

How can we call envy a "disease" when it’s such a common, everyday occurrence for pretty much everyone? 😕
In fact, envy can be quite positive.
It teaches everyone involved—both the ones feeling it and the ones being envied—to start valuing different things.
For instance, consider the value of: NOT HAVING. Or rather, not owning more than you actually need. Imagine if nobody hated you; if no one was firing toxic arrows your way, or gossiping behind your back, or gloating over your failures, or secretly celebrating your setbacks... What a blissful state of being that would be! 👍

Tanja art said: Is this some kind of sickness?

How deeply is it rooted in people?

And how do we move past it?

First off, jealousy and envy aren't the same thing—people tend to mix them up all the time!
Jealousy is pure selfishness, total egoism.
Then you have fear, that dread of losing something or someone, and fear always breeds negativity.

Envy usually stems from an inferiority complex; most envious people are just fundamentally unhappy. It can definitely snowball into a massive problem...

Jamie Scott2 said:First off, I gotta say that jealousy and envy are two totally different things, because from what I've been reading, you guys are totally mixing them up!

Well then, why don't you enlighten us?
Give us a solid definition for both jealousy and envy, maybe throw in some actual literature to back it up too
so we can all decide for ourselves which is which.
It's way too easy for you to act like the smartest person in the room like that.

Personally, though, it feels like the exact same thing to me... just playing out in different areas of life..
And honestly, they might not even be different at all. Like, I could be jealous because my bestie landed a better job, or I could be jealous because my boyfriend is flirting with someone else...

placidridge56 said:How can envy, which is such a common and everyday occurrence for everyone, be considered a disease?😕
Envy is actually quite positive.
It teaches both those who feel it and those who are the targets of it to start appreciating different kinds of values.
For example, the value of: NOT HAVING. Specifically, not possessing more than what you truly need. No one hates you; no one shoots toxic arrows your way; no one gossips behind your back; no one gloats over your losses; no one celebrates your misfortunes... What a blissful state of being, really!👍

Your perspective is deeply flawed. Both envy (like when someone feels bad that a cow didn't die instead of their neighbor's) and jealousy (that irrational fear of losing love, security, or a sense of belonging) are destructive traits. They cannot possibly be viewed as positive or motivating forces. A healthy person should want everyone to prosper because that upliftment benefits them too. If our neighbors were as wealthy as people in Beverly Hills, we would all benefit from the increased economic opportunities. Furthermore, jealousy within a romantic relationship complicates life to such an extent that you eventually stop loving that partner altogether.

analogmoose37 said:Your perspective is pretty harsh. Envy (like when someone is upset a cow died because they weren't hoping their neighbor's cow would die too) and jealousy (that irrational fear of losing love, security, or a sense of belonging) are destructive traits. They can't possibly be positive or motivating forces. A healthy person should want everyone to succeed, because that lifts all boats. If our neighbors were as wealthy as people in Beverly Hills, we’d all be better off because there would be more prosperity to tap into. Bringing jealousy into a romantic relationship makes life so incredibly difficult that you eventually just stop loving that person.

Sure, they're destructive, but they are completely human nature.
I don't know a single soul who is immune to these weaknesses.
In fact, you carry them within yourself, too—just because you aren't aware of them doesn't mean they aren't there.

"A healthy person"?
What exactly does that even mean to you?
The people who seem perfectly "normal" today can snap tomorrow the second things don't go exactly according to their plan.

Envy is basically just that feeling you get when someone else has something you want, and you're sitting there feeling bitter because you're craving it too. Hehe.
It’s not like envy is this ultimate cardinal sin, where just thinking about it makes you a villain or anything.
brightnomad0 put it better than anyone else could (though, let's be real, there's no such thing as "the best" description, hehe)
In small doses, envy can actually be a positive thing—just like any other emotion.
Nature wouldn't have designed us this way if it wasn't useful...
Someone once said that envy can act as a compliment to an achievement; if we didn't feel that spark of envy, we'd never have the drive to go after what we want.
I'll admit, I envy anyone who possesses something I personally admire... and honestly, there's nothing wrong with that.😉
Of course, you have to keep these feelings in check. It's all about that balance between good and evil.😉
To me, jealousy is more of an emotional thing compared to envy.
Envy feels more material-based; I mean, you can't really be jealous of a friend's new car... or can you? (I'd say no).
Jealousy is what happens in relationships...
For instance, I feel a bit of envy toward brightnomad0 because she’s so much better at expressing herself😉,and if I weren't envious, I’d probably never push myself to reach that level.
brightnomad0, I envy you!

Ethan Sullivan2 said:Jealousy is way more about emotions than just being envious.

That’s exactly what I’m getting at!
It all boils down to the same emotional core...
we're talking about the exact same feelings...
it’s just how we label them depending on the situation...

Seriously, try this little mental exercise: think back to a time you felt pure envy and make a list of how that actually felt inside...
and then do the same thing for those moments where someone's success triggered a massive wave of jealousy in you...

Because let's be real, envy isn't just about wanting someone else's car or house...
I could totally feel envious of my best friend just because she’s such a natural storyteller and can kill it with a joke every single time, while I'm over here stumbling through my punchlines...
or would we just lump that under "jealousy" too? lol...

I don't know, but I just realized that if you break down the word "jealousy," it almost sounds like it’s saying you need love to survive, haha.
So, I feel like the whole concept is fundamentally tied to love itself...
But hey, maybe we should get a literary expert involved, someone like Ivan Raos, to weigh in on this lol...

Because, in my mind, you can't really be "jealous" of a friend just because she's got great jokes. If she’s funny and you’re not, you aren't jealous—you're just envious because you lack the wit to pull it off. But if you're jealous because your friend has a brilliant partner or a total hunk of a boyfriend (one or the other, haha), then you're actually feeling that sting because you want what they have... for example...
With envy, you need an object, a concept, or a thing. But with jealousy (at least that's how I see it...), it's always about people—specifically, other people... anyway, I don't know, I'm not trying to act like a professor here...😉
...we really ought to look at examples from other languages, like English or German, and compare how those words are perceived, where they come from, and their etymology (like looking at the root of a word—stone, for instance, hehe)
Just like how we have names like Ljubo-mor...

Alright, here's the deal....
I wasn't sure if anyone has ever posted about this on psychology, but I couldn't find anything similar.
I've got a bit of a situation, and honestly, I’m curious how people actually deal with jealousy.
So, there's this girl. Well, an ex-friend. We aren't as close as we used to be.
But man, do I envy her. She's got the perfect marriage, a husband who's basically a saint, everyone loves her, she stays fit... you name it. Meanwhile, I'm out here struggling with my weight and a string of disastrous relationships... yeah, the usual story. Look, I get it—nobody's life is perfect, nobody is flawless. But we work at the same office, and I find myself working myself to death just to try and one-up her. I catch myself secretly eyeing what she's wearing... I'll spend days obsessing over whether she bought some designer outfit or just how good she looks in it...
This has been going on for years. It's constant. I think about her. And I'm jealous of her.
Everything. Just her.
It's like I'm obsessed, in a way. I really need some advice.
At one point, I'll admit, it was even worse. I was thinking about her 24/7. I'm trying to work on it, trying to snap myself out of it when those thoughts creep in, but still...
Seriously, I need help. What do you guys think? Anyone dealt with something like this? Please.

Did you feel that way back when things were still good between you two?

Nah. Back then, I actually looked up to her. Like, I really loved her... but eventually, that just turned into pure envy.
It happened right around the time she got married.

Gregory Reyes said:Nah. Back then, I actually looked up to her. Like, I really loved her... but eventually, that just turned into pure envy.
It happened right around the time she got married.

So where did that love go? That’s probably the key. Try looking at it through that lens.

I try to look at her the way I used to... you know, back when things were simpler. Every once in a while, I can actually pull it off. In those moments, I just want to give her a massive hug. But most of the time? It’s just this messy cocktail of envy and self-destruction taking over...

Wait, how did you guys drift apart?
What actually went down?

She got married and just... completely ghosted me. And look, I’ll admit it—I can be a little possessive. Okay, maybe a lot more than a little.
So, naturally, I ended up pissed. She was totally head over heels for him, and before I knew it, we had just drifted apart...

Gregory Reyes said:She got married and just... completely ghosted me. And look, I’ll admit it—I can be a little possessive. Okay, maybe a lot more than a little.
So, naturally, I ended up pissed. She was totally head over heels for him, and before I knew it, we had just drifted apart...

So you fell for her? 😁
I'm being dead serious here. 😁

What is she providing that you aren't getting from yourself? 😉
Actually, what do you *think* she offers?
Or better yet—what are you actually draining from her?

I wouldn't say I'm in love. 🙂 At least, I don't think I am.

I just soak up her... positive energy. She always looks so happy. So loved.

Which is honestly terrible, because I find myself feeling weirdly content at the thought of their marriage hitting a rough patch. Like, maybe they’re actually struggling behind closed doors.
And look, I'm not a bad person. But these thoughts... they really eat at me.