The absolute worst IMF-backed fascist auntie

Look, it is what it is. I wouldn't just say stuff for no reason, you know? Like, that 5-inch thing? Totally legit.

5 inches LOL. 😁

🙄

5? 1111155555555MMMMUUUAUUAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASA.....

velvetgull9 said:Look, what happened, happened. I’m not just making stuff up for the hell of it. That 5-inch thing? Dead serious.

😲

velvetgull9, when you first told me that, I was so floored I had to vent to this one friend of mine... at first she totally brushed me off, like, "Oh please, Keith James812, you're just telling tall tales"... but then I dropped the bomb that I wasn't just hearing rumors, but that it came straight from your mouth... and she just went silent. Then the next day, she calls me with this raspy voice—clearly hadn't slept a wink—whispering that her husband realized something was seriously up with her and basically cornered her before dawn to get the truth out of her. She finally admitted what she'd heard, and after a frantic little fever dream of thinking it over, he told her he'd actually heard about these freak occurrences too. Apparently, some poor guys (like one in a hundred thousand) really do deal with that misfortune, because those things are basically useless... I mean, they need so much blood flow to function that they can't even get an erection in the first place.

And to top it all off, he told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore and said he'd have a "serious word" with my husband. She had to tell him I don't even have a husband, to which he just snapped, "Well, maybe that explains why she's still single."

Look, Keith James812, you can talk all you want, but I'm done listening to your nonsense; starting tonight, it's time to get back into my routine with new episodes of Sex and the City... 😁

Keith James812 said:😲

Then he basically told her she wasn't allowed to talk to me anymore and said he’d go deal with my husband himself... she just told him I don't even have a husband, and he was like, "Well, then I guess it's no wonder she's single."

Okay, look, here's the plan. I'm gonna make some calls and get things sorted, then after work this afternoon, you and I will head over there together. We'll pull up right in front of her house, and maybe all the neighbors from those streets can line up next to us, everyone holding their official documents and stuff, just so we can see what her husband has to say once he's faced with all the actual proof. 😁

velvetgull9 said:Look, here’s the plan. I’m gonna make some calls and get everything squared away, then after work this afternoon, the two of us head over there. We’ll pull up right in front of her house, and all those neighbors who own the property lines will line up next to us like a damn jury, every single one of them holding their deed and paperwork. Let's see what her husband has to say when he’s staring down cold, hard facts. 😁

Sure, sounds great, except there's a tiny snag. Because of that lie he told, everyone standing there with their paperwork would have to be... how should I put this... well, you know... totally hard...😳

How the hell are we supposed to pull that off? Count me out! 😁

Chloe Garcia98 said:Hey Keith James812, stop talking nonsense! New episodes of Sex and the City start back up tonight... 😁

I’m not watching that garbage..🙂 There's a massive difference between catching your husband with a huge dick and just running around acting like a total slut and having affairs outside of marriage. 😁

Keith James812 said:That isn't really my thing...🙂 There is a massive distinction between simply discovering your husband is well-endowed and choosing to live a life of infidelity through various extracurricular affairs.😁

Look, you can't really have one without the other... 😬

catch it on Channel 2 at 9:00 PM

Ladies!

Everything you're saying is just complete nonsense. Look, those massive sizes actually exist, and what that gentleman said is the absolute truth—most of them aren't even functional and wouldn't do anything for you anyway. I don't know why this guy is acting such a fool, but even among Black men in the States, those kinds of sizes are anatomical anomalies that people mostly just photograph for show, so you see those pictures and end up totally confused. Stop messing around and talking about this constantly because even if your heads have been messed up by these myths and there's no saving you without serious therapy, that doesn't mean other women browsing these forums—like my wife or someone's girlfriend—should have to deal with this garbage. Imagine if things went south at Home Depot and he admitted she spends her time surfing sites like this. Do you even realize how serious this situation is?????

Keith James812 said:Yeah, sure, but the issue is since he lied about that, those guys with the license plates would have to be... how should I put this... you know, totally hard...😳

How would you even pull that off? Don't look at me! 😁

That’s exactly my problem. Just be there at 4:45. 😉

Maybe just a placebo effect, right? Once we're done there, we should totally swing by Uncle Sam's wife's place for coffee! ☕

And then after that, we can go register ourselves as some nonprofit called "Let 'em See."

velvetgull9 said:That’s my issue to deal with. You just stay over there at the 75% mark. 😉

Personally, I actually volunteer for the local parades.
By the way, velvetgull9, I had no idea we were on a first-name basis?!? 🙂)

velvetgull9 said:That’s my headache, not yours. You just stay over there hanging out at the 75-yard line. 😉

Look, I’m heading down there right now, that much is for damn sure. It’s a lock. I don't care if I have to sit around and wait a bit... 😳 😁

velvetgull9 said:Keith James812, once we wrap this up, maybe we should swing by Uncle Sam's wife's place for a quick coffee, right? ☕

😠 STOP MESSING AROUND. CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THESE ARE JUST photoshopped IMAGES PRODUCED BY PEOPLE BROWSING THE WEB DURING OFFICE HOURS—AND HONESTLY, IF THIS CONTINUES, I MIGHT JUST SHOW UP AT YOUR BOSSES' OFFICES MYSELF—WHICH MOSTLY ORIGINATE FROM ZIONIST-TERRORIST CIRCLES!!!!!!!

Herostratus said:I'm totally down to volunteer for the showcase.
Btw, velvetgull9, I had no clue we actually knew each other?!? 🙂)

You'd probably wanna check it out too, right? 😉

Hold on, hold on a second, ladies... I just had a massive realization...

But look, if every woman out there finds out that those kinds of guys actually exist, they’re going to ditch their husbands in droves after being lied to for so long...

And you know what that means? 😲 It means way more competition for that tiny pool of single guys with actual size!!!! STOP!!! HALT!! ABORT MISSION!!!

James Lewis4 said:Total Photoshop job!!!!!!!

What do you mean fake? These are real people, man. For real. 😉

Keith James812 said:WAIT! HOLD UP!! CANCEL THE WHOLE THING!!!

Chill out, babe. You're gonna be first in line anyway. And hey, you know what they say about being first... 😁 😁

velvetgull9 said:What kind of Photoshop bullshit is this? These are real people, man. Real. 😉

Enough, velvetgull9, just enough!!!! Not another word about it!! (looking around frantically)... from here on out, we don't say a single damn thing about this in public..

We need to come up with some sort of code language ASAP...

velvetgull9 said:Just relax, honey. You’re gonna be at the front of the line anyway. And you know how it goes—first come, first served... 😁 😁

Look, velvetgull9, just read this and you'll see why I'm freaking out here... 😢

I've got the worst luck ever. Sure, I'll be one of the first ones through the door, but they're probably just going to tell me they didn't even get any guys in stock, or worse, there are way more women than men available! 😁