Do intrusive thoughts actually matter?

Hey everyone, I’m new here and could use some advice. About a month ago, things got messy. I was dealing with a lot of stress and some pretty stupid mental loops, which eventually spiraled into suicidal thoughts. It felt like my life had no point, like nothing I did mattered, and that I just needed to end it. It hung over me for a few days until I realized these thoughts don't actually align with who I am. They're just intrusive, garbage thoughts—at least, I hope I'm right about that. Otherwise, I've been functioning normally. I haven't lost my drive, except when those thoughts start obsessing me; then I lose focus at work, which is just being a clerk at a local grocery store. It's hard to concentrate when you don't know what's hitting you. I managed to push past the initial urge by telling myself: so what if the thoughts are there? I don't *have* to act on them. Doesn't everyone have moments like this? Am I right? But then the doubt creeps in. What if it's supposed to be this way? What if I actually want this? When that "what if I want this" thought hit, I started second-guessing everything. I almost convinced myself it was true, even though deep down, I know it isn't. Despite all this, I still have plans. I want to find a girlfriend, get married, maybe work from home one day. I need some advice from anyone who's dealt with this. How do you move past it? Should I just ignore it? I know life is precious. How can I be certain I don't have to go through with it? Is this an instinct, a belief, or just an obsessive thought loop? God help me.

I think everyone deals with them to some degree—honestly, just let them exist in the moment, and eventually, your brain will start to filter them out on its own.

Ask yourself why these exact thoughts keep looping—maybe you’ve felt this way before and just shoved it down deep.
Start with "why." It might not even be the stress itself; sometimes stress just turns up the volume on stuff that was already there.

Peter Murphy6 said:Ask yourself why these exact thoughts keep looping—maybe you’ve felt this way before and just shoved it down deep.
Start with "why." It might not even be the stress itself; sometimes stress just turns up the volume on stuff that was already there.

You're right. I remember watching an NBA game once and thinking the player would kill himself if he missed a free throw—then he missed. I fought it because I knew it was total nonsense. Those obsessive thoughts kept coming back, but I ignored them. I didn't give them any weight. But today at work, I got hit with this thought: what if I actually want to kill myself? It spiraled into me feeling like I *want* to, or even that I *have* to. I guess those are just intrusive thoughts. I'll try to listen to you guys. Let the thoughts exist without giving them any power. Maybe I should just treat them like any other random thought.

wanderinggull11 said:You're right. I remember watching an NBA game once and thinking the player would kill himself if he missed a free throw—then he missed. I fought it because I knew it was total nonsense. Those obsessive thoughts kept coming back, but I ignored them. I didn't give them any weight. But today at work, I got hit with this thought: what if I actually want to kill myself? It spiraled into me feeling like I *want* to, or even that I *have* to. I guess those are just intrusive thoughts. I'll try to listen to you guys. Let the thoughts exist without giving them any power. Maybe I should just treat them like any other random thought.

Try looking at it without getting all emotional—stay objective. Like, seriously, how does handball even connect to you?
Why do you love it? What does it actually mean in your life?
How have you handled your own failures in the past? Or seeing others fail? Has anyone ever put you in competition with someone else?

No, obviously you don't have to listen to the thoughts. They’re just nudging you toward stuff you need to figure out for yourself. Try viewing them as signs or symbols—nothing more. Just... don't ignore the sign itself.
Keep asking yourself these questions. If it helps, write everything down. Read it back later with some distance, study yourself.

Good luck 🙂

It really matters how much you give her.

Here I am. I feel absolutely terrible. I have zero motivation left for anything. These thoughts have completely drained my willpower. They aren't just passing thoughts anymore—they’ve turned into actual feelings, and they've finally convinced me that this is what I want. My God, what have I gotten myself into? Maybe I'm having a psychotic break if I'm feeling this certain.

wanderinggull11 said:Here I am. I feel absolutely terrible. I have zero motivation left for anything. These thoughts have completely drained my willpower. They aren't just passing thoughts anymore—they’ve turned into actual feelings, and they've finally convinced me that this is what I want. My God, what have I gotten myself into? Maybe I'm having a psychotic break if I'm feeling this certain.

Man, you really stepped in it...😁
Just kidding, obviously. Look, you know these unwanted thoughts have been circling your head for a while now. Anyone who deals with obsessive thoughts knows how messy and exhausting this fight is—it's hard to tell if they're just empty, nasty intrusive thoughts popping up because you're having a rough time, or if they're actually what you truly think about yourself. It's super tough to distinguish, which is why OCD is such a nightmare to live through... Just remember, always, they are just thoughts. Nothing more. Those unpleasant thoughts take center stage and trigger those raw emotions that make you feel terrified, making you think this experience is an inseparable part of who you are. But thoughts shift, and feelings shift too... You're just stuck in a nasty phase where you're giving these thoughts and feelings way too much weight, so they just keep spiraling because they scare you so much.

So, first thing's first: try to figure out when these thoughts show up—like when you're feeling down, sad, guilty about something, annoyed by someone, worried you won't make it in your career, scared of losing something, or even just bored and restless... Once you spot the pattern, it gets a little easier to handle because you can see when the "storm" usually hits and start prepping. Honestly, the best move is to just ignore them. For me, I know those thoughts hit hardest when I'm feeling depressed, so when they start creeping in, I go do something else—grab a coffee, get lost in a hobby, and just tune out the garbage in my head. Or I just tell myself, "So what?" I'm definitely not the first person to have dark thoughts or feel like everything is falling apart... You just have to find your own way to soothe yourself.

Obsessive, uncomfortable thoughts usually stem from something deep down that we just can't stomach. Like fear of death, fear of being helpless, anxiety about whether we're "good enough" in a sexual sense (like sexual OCD), fear of getting sick, or the dread of failing at life...

The root is really about a deep struggle to accept ourselves—specifically those darker parts of our personality, the inability to express bad emotions, or drifting away from reality. You've gotta realize we're all human, and we all carry a ton of baggage inside. You're just a person like anyone else, and you need to accept all that negative stuff as just a normal part of life. Don't overthink it too much... just embrace yourself and life as it comes. You don't have to follow some perfect script of getting married and starting a family if that's not your path, you don't have to be happy and successful 24/7, and you definitely shouldn't beat yourself up over failures—those are just part of being alive...

Hope that helps a little. If it doesn't, and the thoughts keep getting louder and more intense, please reach out to a psychiatrist or get into therapy to talk through whatever is eating at you. Better to do it sooner rather than later before things spiral into a psychosis or you withdraw so far into yourself that you can't function in daily life...

It seems we are dealing with the exact same struggle.
I actually ended up heading to an interview right when those intrusive thoughts started hitting me multiple times a day; frankly, I have no desire to live a life governed by that kind of chaos.
I’ve started seeing a therapist, and things are slowly beginning to shift...
If I may offer some advice, please consider speaking with a professional! Those irrational loops in your mind are incredibly draining and leave you utterly exhausted—it’s so easy to fall into a vicious cycle...

Hang in there!

Hey everyone, thanks for getting back to me. Today at work, my thoughts were hitting so hard I actually felt physically weak. Had to take some Advil, but even that didn't help. Did I get anything done? Who knows. It’s just this constant loop. For the past few days, I've been stuck in this headspace where I genuinely feel like I want out. It’s moved past thinking; it’s become a feeling. I feel like I want this, and I don't know how to flip the switch. All those logical reasons I used to give myself to stay—they're all falling apart. I'm left with nothing. My mind keeps racing toward the future, but I have zero goals. I was at the gym today just feeling like a dead weight. No motivation. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Even grabbing coffee with coworkers feels exhausting; I just sit there in silence because I have no patience left. This started as a trivial thought I dismissed as nonsense, but it haunted me for days until it turned into this deep-seated certainty. I can't talk myself out of it anymore. I saw a therapist today and vented for an hour, but they just sat there nodding. It didn't make me feel any better. It gets to the point where I hate myself. I feel completely incapable. It’s like I truly want to die, and meanwhile, every reason I had to live is evaporating—especially since the things I used to care about don't matter to me anymore. Honestly, I doubt my girlfriend would even care what state I'm in. How am I supposed to prove to myself that I won't go through with it? I try to tell myself "it's just thoughts," but it goes deeper than that. It's a gut feeling now. It's crawled inside me.

Of course an obsessive thought carries its own weight—I mean, if it didn't have some sort of significance, it wouldn't be an obsession in the first place, right?

wanderinggull11 said:Hey everyone, thanks for getting back to me. Today at work, my thoughts were hitting so hard I actually felt physically weak. Had to take some Advil, but even that didn't help. Did I get anything done? Who knows. It’s just this constant loop. For the past few days, I've been stuck in this headspace where I genuinely feel like I want out. It’s moved past thinking; it’s become a feeling. I feel like I want this, and I don't know how to flip the switch. All those logical reasons I used to give myself to stay—they're all falling apart. I'm left with nothing. My mind keeps racing toward the future, but I have zero goals. I was at the gym today just feeling like a dead weight. No motivation. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Even grabbing coffee with coworkers feels exhausting; I just sit there in silence because I have no patience left. This started as a trivial thought I dismissed as nonsense, but it haunted me for days until it turned into this deep-seated certainty. I can't talk myself out of it anymore. I saw a therapist today and vented for an hour, but they just sat there nodding. It didn't make me feel any better. It gets to the point where I hate myself. I feel completely incapable. It’s like I truly want to die, and meanwhile, every reason I had to live is evaporating—especially since the things I used to care about don't matter to me anymore. Honestly, I doubt my girlfriend would even care what state I'm in. How am I supposed to prove to myself that I won't go through with it? I try to tell myself "it's just thoughts," but it goes deeper than that. It's a gut feeling now. It's crawled inside me.

If you can't figure out a way to manage these intrusive thoughts, you're probably going to need ongoing therapy and maybe work with a psychiatrist. You've got to dig into those underlying emotions and feelings that trigger that urge by breaking them down...

OCD is such a nasty beast because it's so hard to separate who you are from what you're thinking. You start identifying with the thoughts, the thoughts create these intense feelings, and then you just lose yourself in the middle of it. How far down the rabbit hole you go really depends on the person, but people who wait too long to get help or get too caught up in the spiral can end up in a really dark place. I don't mean to freak you out, but you really have to put in the work and find a method to keep this under control. Usually, it takes a long time for OCD symptoms to subside once they show up... it only starts to lift once you face and resolve whatever is deeply bothering you inside... and that takes time...

I honestly can't find a way to convince myself that I don't want it. It hits me hardest when I start spiraling about the past or the future—thinking about who I want to be, where I should be looking, all that stuff. I'm starting to worry I'm losing my mind because the urge feels so damn convincing. How am I supposed to talk myself out of this? How do I tell myself it's a bad idea? I went to see a therapist, laid out everything, and they just sat there nodding along. Nothing changed. Every time I try to tell myself I don't want it, some part of me—this gut feeling—just screams that I do.

wanderinggull11 said:I honestly can't find a way to convince myself that I don't want it. It hits me hardest when I start spiraling about the past or the future—thinking about who I want to be, where I should be looking, all that stuff. I'm starting to worry I'm losing my mind because the urge feels so damn convincing. How am I supposed to talk myself out of this? How do I tell myself it's a bad idea? I went to see a therapist, laid out everything, and they just sat there nodding along. Nothing changed. Every time I try to tell myself I don't want it, some part of me—this gut feeling—just screams that I do.

Check out this episode. It's in English, but they explain this perfectly.
Sometimes it's just a thought. Just a single thought. We all have them, but most people let them pass—think "that was a stupid thought," and move on. But people prone to OCD latch onto the heavy ones. The weird, disturbing, sometimes violent ones. They start looping them (OCD), and the more they try to force them away, the harder they stick.
Listen to it. Their example is spot on.

https://www.npr.org/2015/01/09/375928124/dark-thoughts

Hey everyone. I'm back. Things have taken a turn for the worse—it's a total disaster. My own thoughts finally convinced me that this is what I want. Every reason I had to stay alive just didn't hold any weight. No matter what I tell myself, it all leads back to wanting out. The last few days have been brutal; I've felt pathetic and completely broken. Even when I went out for some exercise yesterday, the urge was right there, constant and overwhelming. I ended up seeing a private psychiatrist since the local clinic couldn't see me for another month. They put me on Anafranil and Lexapro. I'm just hoping this settles down and passes.

wanderinggull11 said:Hey everyone. I'm back. Things have taken a turn for the worse—it's a total disaster. My own thoughts finally convinced me that this is what I want. Every reason I had to stay alive just didn't hold any weight. No matter what I tell myself, it all leads back to wanting out. The last few days have been brutal; I've felt pathetic and completely broken. Even when I went out for some exercise yesterday, the urge was right there, constant and overwhelming. I ended up seeing a private psychiatrist since the local clinic couldn't see me for another month. They put me on Anafranil and Lexapro. I'm just hoping this settles down and passes.

First you have a thought that seems irrational, and then you fight with everything you've got to prove it isn't, simply because admitting it might mean admitting you're acting foolishly. 😁

In other words, your ego is messing with you.

Joseph Bailey41 said:First you have a thought that seems irrational, and then you fight with everything you've got to prove it isn't, simply because admitting it might mean admitting you're acting foolishly. 😁

In other words, your ego is messing with you.

I don't know. It's like my brain is broken. I can't tell myself I don't want it; deep down, I know I do. How am I supposed to get out of this?

wanderinggull11 said:I don't know. It's like my brain is broken. I can't tell myself I don't want it; deep down, I know I do. How am I supposed to get out of this?

It makes sense that you feel lost. A "short-circuited brain" isn't exactly great at looking ahead—it mostly just struggles with everything that's already happened. Just let it play out for a moment. That one thought that started this whole avalanche didn't just pop out of thin air. Can you remember what you were thinking right before that? Something along the lines of... wanting to just give up, disappear, or just sink into the ground?

Joseph Bailey41 said:It makes sense that you feel lost. A "short-circuited brain" isn't exactly great at looking ahead—it mostly just struggles with everything that's already happened. Just let it play out for a moment. That one thought that started this whole avalanche didn't just pop out of thin air. Can you remember what you were thinking right before that? Something along the lines of... wanting to just give up, disappear, or just sink into the ground?

I think I know where this started. It hit its peak during a massive period of anxiety from a stressful situation I was dealing with. It's been dragging me down ever since. But the last ten days? They've been brutal. This thing convinced me that I actually *want* this. That's how it feels. I've lost my drive, my motivation, my will—everything. I can't do anything because there's this constant internal feeling that I want to end it all and that I truly mean it. No logic works against it anymore. I started taking Anafranil today, 25 mg twice a day. Hopefully, it helps clear the fog so I can actually think rationally again.

wanderinggull11 said:I think I know where this started. It hit its peak during a massive period of anxiety from a stressful situation I was dealing with. It's been dragging me down ever since. But the last ten days? They've been brutal. This thing convinced me that I actually *want* this. That's how it feels. I've lost my drive, my motivation, my will—everything. I can't do anything because there's this constant internal feeling that I want to end it all and that I truly mean it. No logic works against it anymore. I started taking Anafranil today, 25 mg twice a day. Hopefully, it helps clear the fog so I can actually think rationally again.

The worst part is being unable to shake the sensation that I actually want this. Every time I try to tell myself "no," it feels useless. Like it's already decided. I started the Anafranil, so hopefully it helps me fight this state—help me finally say "no" and just live a normal life.