Feeling Undervalued

Do you ever feel like people just don't get you? For me, it’s a weird one: while everyone else seems to think I’m overachieving, the people who constantly underestimate me are actually my own parents. I guess it's not that uncommon, though. Even when there's plenty of objective proof that I've earned respect, they still manage to overlook it. Anyone else dealing with this kind of stuff?😠

I’d say—pretty much everyone.

maybe you think it’s all about that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" nonsense
but honestly... maybe they just want to toughen you up...

And they’re essentially killing you off, one little bit at a time. Yeah. That’s pretty much how it works.

James Ramirez10 said:And they’re essentially killing you off, one little bit at a time. Yeah. That’s pretty much how it works.

If you're talking about parents—then yeah, absolutely.

But eventually, we grow up. We finally get a shot at walking away from their constant condescension and how they stifle everything we do. We can actually build our own standards so we aren't constantly chasing their approval anymore.

From what I’ve been reading in various threads, it seems like that isn't exactly a sure thing either.

Jerry Martinez5 said:If you're talking about parents—then yeah, absolutely.

But eventually, we grow up. We finally get a shot at walking away from their constant condescension and how they stifle everything we do. We can actually build our own standards so we aren't constantly chasing their approval anymore.

Sure, but kids raised by people like that usually end up scarred. There are too many stories like this to ignore. In my experience, there isn't anything that can fully erase that kind of toxic dynamic between a parent and a child.

Could be true.
Eventually, we all start taking charge of our own lives,
becoming our own guides—
—and finally getting the chance to fix what was left broken. That's my take.

That’s strange, isn't it?

I honestly feel like I underestimate them way more often than they ever do me.😬

I guess I’m more stuck on finding some kind of actual, objective way to measure self-worth... I feel like I’m constantly overestimating things, honestly. It feels way too easy to just manufacture this external image of yourself—whether you're playing the hero or the victim—and then when you realize you've been consciously crafting that persona every single day, you lose track of what the "real" you even looks like. Basically, I end up selling myself short, and that's where the real mess is.

As for that whole thing about parents tearing you down... man, that happens way more often than people want to admit. In my book, it’s usually just a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Your failure becomes their failure, plain and simple. Since they can't handle feeling like losers, they try to force you to fix it for them—like you're some kind of lifeline meant to make up for their own shortcomings—but the truth is, projecting their baggage onto you doesn't actually solve anything for them. It just leaves them stuck in this endless loop of being unsatisfied. Once you grow up, you really have to draw that line in the sand and realize their lack of confidence is their own cross to bear, not yours. Easier said than done, though... definitely easier said than done.

lonegardener said:That’s strange, isn't it?

I honestly feel like I underestimate them way more often than they ever do me.😬

Fair enough, but we established over a thousand posts ago that you're relatively sane and have a pretty standard life setup.

James Ramirez10 said:Fair enough, but we established over a thousand posts ago that you're relatively sane and have a pretty standard life setup.

Hmm, well now... 😬 the real question is what "normal" even means.

Come on, don't try to play Einstein with me right now; I know exactly what you're getting at. You're acting surprised by every single red flag because it clearly hasn't happened to you before. Fine then, stay blissfully unaware and keep being surprised if that's how you want to roll. 😬

Man, parents can be something else... Personally, I’ve got almost zero emotional connection left with mine. All those competitions I entered, the straight A's, all the talents everyone else seemed to notice—it meant absolutely nothing to my folks. And honestly? It still doesn't. Now, when we hop on a quick call, it's just the usual "how are you, what's up, did the bills get paid?" and then it's over. They have NO clue about who I actually am, what I do for a living, or the stuff that actually matters to me or the wins I've had in my life... and you know what? I love it that way. They didn't earn a seat at the table in my life. Maybe it's a bit immature, but after years of them refusing to pay attention to me, I'm just returning the favor. Payback is a bitch! 😁

Alex Patel96 said:Do you ever feel like people just don't get you? For me, it’s a weird one: while everyone else seems to think I’m overachieving, the people who constantly underestimate me are actually my own parents. I guess it's not that uncommon, though. Even when there's plenty of objective proof that I've earned respect, they still manage to overlook it. Anyone else dealing with this kind of stuff?😠

Of course. 😁

It’s nearly impossible for parents to maintain any sense of objectivity when it comes to their kids—just as it is for children to view their parents through a neutral lens. There is always this tendency toward either overestimating or completely underestimating one another.

There is simply too much raw emotion involved, and it tends to cloud even the clearest judgment.

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lonegardener said:That’s strange, isn't it?

I honestly feel like I underestimate them way more often than they ever do me.😬

Just another perfect one, I guess. 🙄

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James Ramirez10 said:Fair enough, but we established over a thousand posts ago that you're relatively sane and have a pretty standard life setup.

So, is that supposed to be the "ideal"? I guess some people call that "normal." 😕

slypuma17 said:Of course. 😁

It’s nearly impossible for parents to maintain any sense of objectivity when it comes to their kids—just as it is for children to view their parents through a neutral lens. There is always this tendency toward either overestimating or completely underestimating one another.

There is simply too much raw emotion involved, and it tends to cloud even the clearest judgment.

I don't know, I don't really agree. Maybe parenting just isn't for everyone. 🤷People underestimate things when they have low self-esteem, and then you've got those other parents who overestimate everything because they see their kid as an extension of themselves rather than a real person—just a way to chase their own ambitions.🙄 😳

hiddenhawk3 said:Quote

Just another perfect one, I guess. 🙄

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So, is that supposed to be the "ideal"? I guess some people call that "normal." 😕

I'm not following the question. What exactly defines an ideal?

Alex Patel96 said:Do you ever feel like people just don't get you? For me, it’s a weird one: while everyone else seems to think I’m overachieving, the people who constantly underestimate me are actually my own parents. I guess it's not that uncommon, though. Even when there's plenty of objective proof that I've earned respect, they still manage to overlook it. Anyone else dealing with this kind of stuff?😠

Same here... I remember one time during a job interview process, I ended up being listed second—purely because of some stupid alphabetical order. Basically, someone else and I were both top candidates, but since my last name fell later in the alphabet, I was ranked second. And instead of my wonderful parents being happy that I actually landed the job (since we both got hired), they just poked at it... ugh, "well, you were only second." They said it with that tone of "see, I knew you weren't all that"... 🙄

Just tune it out and move on. At the end of the day, you're the only one who truly knows your worth. Some parents just don't know how to show affection—they can't even love properly because nobody ever showed them how. It's not really an excuse, but you don't have much choice but to accept them as they are. You just have to start loving yourself, even if it's tough when those old wounds run deep.

The thing is, kids (especially little ones) see their parents as god—like their entire universe. For obvious reasons. Everything they say feels like the absolute, undeniable truth. But once you grow up, you realize that's not quite right. They're just people, flawed just like the rest of us. You accept it and stop letting it get to you. Easier said than done, sure, but it's worth the effort.

stormystag16 said:maybe you think it’s all about that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" nonsense
but honestly... maybe they just want to toughen you up...

Now I see why you're the older sister!