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Help! :)

Started by Laura Murphy3 · · 👁 5 views · 42 replies

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Participants Laura Murphy3Rebecca Scott3mistyseal11Patrick Brown45Jamie Cox12fadedbear92Linda Taylor11John James2
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#1 ·
Alright, look... I’m gonna try to lay out my train of thought here, because for years now, I haven't been able to wrap my head around what's actually going on with me—or even explain it to anyone else. Hopefully, someone actually sticks with this until the end.
It all kicked off when I left home and started college. I’ll keep this brief because if I tried to write down every single tiny detail, we'd be here forever. Things basically happened in order, and each phase dragged on for a while 🙂

Scenario 1.

So, at college, I meet this girl, fall for her, and eventually, we start dating. There was also this other girl at one of those big house parties—someone who was honestly really attractive, and I almost ended up with her before things went official with my girlfriend. But, I played it safe, stayed disciplined, and didn't go there. Still, I remember being drunk and things almost getting weird. A few days later, I’m walking through town with my girlfriend and I spot that other girl, and suddenly, I’m hit with this massive wave of shame. Just pure, unadulterated embarrassment. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. After running into her a couple more times, it turned into this pathological thing where I’d go out of my way to avoid her for over a year. It was constant. I couldn't figure out why I was spiraling or why I felt so incredibly gross about it. Eventually, after a year and a half, my girlfriend and I broke up—for different reasons entirely—and the very next day, I saw that other girl again, and the feeling was just... gone.

Sounds pretty trivial and harmless, right? Whatever. Let's move on.

Scenario 2.

About six months later, this random thought just pops into my head—I won't get into the specifics—asking if maybe I was gay. That spiraled into two straight years of living in a mental hellscape, constantly questioning my sexuality. I’d find myself staring at some guy, maybe someone a bit more effeminate, trying to monitor my own physical reactions. Like, *is something happening?* Is there a spark? Then I'd see him on the street the next day and that exact same sensation would hit me. This whole cycle lasted a year—just me obsessing over whether I was gay—and it peaked with this one guy where seeing him felt like the literal end of the world. Cold sweats, legs turning to jelly, total anxiety. It was the exact same visceral reaction I had with that first girl. It wasn't there at first, but after all that self-inflicted overthinking, that's where I landed. Seeing certain people just makes me feel revolted. In the meantime, I was going through this:
http://www.neuroticplanet.com/hocd.php
That's the gist of it, word for word.
In the interim, girls would drift in and out of my life—nothing serious, just a little flirting here and there—but I was still terrified that I was gay underneath it all.

Scenario 3.

Then there's my friendships. I'll meet someone new or hang out with an acquaintance. Everything's cool, we have stuff in common, we joke around, etc. But then, out of nowhere, I get hit by this feeling. I don't even know how to describe it properly. Once it hits, that person becomes an obsession because I'm hit with that same sensation I described earlier. Identical. Nervousness, fear, anxiety. I start avoiding them entirely. And it just keeps jumping from one friend to another as I get closer to them. What used to be a normal, chill friendship turns into pure agony. *What if I'm attracted to them? What if this, what if that?* From that point on, I can't tell what's a real emotion and what's just my brain glitching. I'm totally lost. Honestly, this happens with most of my friends. Even acquaintances, eventually.

Scenario 4.

Finally, I meet a woman I actually like. Despite my usual baggage and how hard it is for me to build real connections, I manage to make it work. She accepts me, and things feel good. But then, one day, that same feeling hits me regarding her best friend—who also happens to be my brother's girlfriend. Same nightmare. *Do I like her? Is it this, or is it that?* Even though I've always respected her and enjoyed having her as part of the family circle, the second we get close, boom. The feeling.
I don't even know how to put this into words. Basically, everything starts with a nice feeling of liking someone, but then I freak out thinking I might like them in a romantic sense. That's the closest I can get to explaining it. Also, for instance, once I'm hyper-fixated on one person, I can usually hang out with anyone else perfectly fine, like nothing ever happened.

Look, I know this sounds like some weird internet troll bait, but I’m being dead serious here.

If anyone actually takes this to heart, you’ll probably tell me there isn't enough detail to even make a judgment call. But hey, if you’re reading this, feel free to grill me—ask anything. I’m down to expand on the story and answer whatever questions come up. I know how stupid this looks, but honestly, what else am I supposed to do?

I really just want to hear what someone else thinks about it. Now that I'm sitting here staring at my own words, it sounds pretty idiotic. Dammit. I’m hoping someone responds, because I could really use some kind of help—any kind—since I don't think anyone can guess from this post just how much all of this is messing with my head. And it’s messing with me a lot. Like, a lot. 🙂

The reason I'm dumping this here is because this whole situation has caused me massive psychological issues. I've spent a huge chunk of my life basically teetering on the edge of depression while trying to deal with this stuff, and man, those last four years while this was happening were incredibly hard to get through. I'm 22 now (I think...)

Thanks, catch ya later.
Rebecca Scott3 Rebecca Scott3 Active Member
154 messages
joined Jan 2009
#2 ·
....I’m honestly having a hard time pinning down what you're actually feeling right now......is it just pure fear and embarrassment? Or maybe it's more like that specific kind of dread and shame that comes when you're head over heels for someone, and you're terrified that anyone—even the person you're crushing on—might find out.
mistyseal11 mistyseal11 Regular
250 messages
joined Aug 2007
#3 ·
social anxiety
Patrick Brown45 Patrick Brown45 Member
14 messages
joined Aug 2010
#4 ·
So, tell me about growing up. What were your parents like? Did you have both of them around? To me, this whole thing smells like a fear of commitment.
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#5 ·
If you’re wondering if you might be dealing with this disorder, see if these situations make you feel totally uneasy:
- Working while someone’s watching over your shoulder
- Calling someone you barely know—or don't know at all
- Using a public restroom
- Taking those standardized tests or skill assessments
- Telling someone you don't really know that you disagree with them
- Hosting a party or some kind of get-together
- Walking into a room where everyone is already seated

Those are basically just symptoms of social anxiety, and honestly, you can find plenty of people who deal with most of them—not that I'm preaching here or anything, though.

But I still don't get that other stuff. Like, why is it that every single time I start building a connection with someone, and just when things finally feel comfortable, I suddenly lose it and just run for the hills?🙂

And since you brought up social anxiety, you could have actually framed my story within that context so it made sense why you thought that was what it was—just so I could see your logic.

@Patrick Brown45, I tried thinking about it, but I didn't come up with anything concrete. My parents were great, my brother is an awesome guy with zero issues... the only thing that comes to mind is that I was pretty insecure growing up, and kids used to mess with me quite a bit... it wasn't like some massive, traumatic bullying situation, but... yeah, whatever. I still carry these defense mechanisms from childhood, a sort of fear, and this lingering feeling that in certain spots, I'm still vulnerable, inferior, or just won't be accepted...
Patrick Brown45 Patrick Brown45 Member
14 messages
joined Aug 2010
#6 ·
Laura Murphy3 said:
If you’re wondering if you might be dealing with this disorder, see if these situations make you feel totally uneasy:
- Working while someone’s watching over your shoulder
- Calling someone you barely know—or don't know at all
- Using a public restroom
- Taking those standardized tests or skill assessments
- Telling someone you don't really know that you disagree with them
- Hosting a party or some kind of get-together
- Walking into a room where everyone is already seated

Those are basically just symptoms of social anxiety, and honestly, you can find plenty of people who deal with most of them—not that I'm preaching here or anything, though.

But I still don't get that other stuff. Like, why is it that every single time I start building a connection with someone, and just when things finally feel comfortable, I suddenly lose it and just run for the hills?🙂

And since you brought up social anxiety, you could have actually framed my story within that context so it made sense why you thought that was what it was—just so I could see your logic.

@Patrick Brown45, I tried thinking about it, but I didn't come up with anything concrete. My parents were great, my brother is an awesome guy with zero issues... the only thing that comes to mind is that I was pretty insecure growing up, and kids used to mess with me quite a bit... it wasn't like some massive, traumatic bullying situation, but... yeah, whatever. I still carry these defense mechanisms from childhood, a sort of fear, and this lingering feeling that in certain spots, I'm still vulnerable, inferior, or just won't be accepted...

Maybe that's the catch? If you walk away from the relationship first, then you don't have to deal with the fear of being dumped?
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#7 ·
Yeah, but honestly? This stuff happens even when I'm not dating anyone. It just shows up in my friendships instead. Like, there’s this moment where someone does something that’s genuinely awesome or funny—something that feels good—and I get this vibe, which is basically fine. I can't even fully describe it because I immediately kill the mood by spiraling into all this other crap, but I think it's something close to just accepting them and feeling happy they're around. Just, you know, being present. But then—boom—the whole circus starts and I get hit with this pure dread. Cold sweats, legs giving out, just that total "I am completely alone in the universe" sensation.

It happened with my buddies too, in all sorts of ways. For a while, I went through this whole phase where I was terrified I might be gay, and I figured I was just suppressing it because I was catching feelings for them. But looking back, that doesn't even make sense, because I’m pretty damn sure I know what actual attraction and falling for someone feels like.

So instead, I always tell myself I'm definitely not in love with them. Then I just sit there constantly monitoring how my body reacts whenever they're near, or I start obsessing over them in my head. When I'm actually feeling good, I'll start imagining them just to see if that good feeling sticks around... it's just this endless, vicious loop... and then, obviously, everything goes south.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m getting these chest pains—just a sharp, nagging little ache right in the middle of my chest. 🙂
Jamie Cox12 Jamie Cox12 Newcomer
7 messages
joined Feb 2010
#8 ·
I honestly saw myself in your post, Laura Murphy3...
Every single time I start feeling like I might actually get close to someone, I just bolt. I’m pretty sure it stems from my childhood—it wasn't exactly some fairy tale. It wasn't like constant bullying or anything, but there was definitely stuff going on 😲

Where did you even get the idea that we'd feel this kind of awkwardness in those situations you described?
I'm asking because I could have written every single one of your points myself...
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#9 ·
http://anxiety123.blog.com/2009/0...phobia.html

Man, I felt every single one of those points personally. 🙂 Well, most of them, anyway. It’s not even an issue for me when it comes to throwing a party—I can handle that just fine—but once you start talking about people I actually get along with, things get complicated. 🙂
And honestly? I can pee whenever 🙂
Patrick Brown45 Patrick Brown45 Member
14 messages
joined Aug 2010
#10 ·
Laura Murphy3 said:Yeah, but honestly? This stuff happens even when I'm not dating anyone. It just shows up in my friendships instead. Like, there’s this moment where someone does something that’s genuinely awesome or funny—something that feels good—and I get this vibe, which is basically fine. I can't even fully describe it because I immediately kill the mood by spiraling into all this other crap, but I think it's something close to just accepting them and feeling happy they're around. Just, you know, being present. But then—boom—the whole circus starts and I get hit with this pure dread. Cold sweats, legs giving out, just that total "I am completely alone in the universe" sensation.

It happened with my buddies too, in all sorts of ways. For a while, I went through this whole phase where I was terrified I might be gay, and I figured I was just suppressing it because I was catching feelings for them. But looking back, that doesn't even make sense, because I’m pretty damn sure I know what actual attraction and falling for someone feels like.

So instead, I always tell myself I'm definitely not in love with them. Then I just sit there constantly monitoring how my body reacts whenever they're near, or I start obsessing over them in my head. When I'm actually feeling good, I'll start imagining them just to see if that good feeling sticks around... it's just this endless, vicious loop... and then, obviously, everything goes south.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m getting these chest pains—just a sharp, nagging little ache right in the middle of my chest. 🙂

Exactly. You're just scared to commit because you're terrified everything will eventually fall apart.
You need to put in the work, and I mean a lot of it. Go see a therapist if you have to, or start grinding through books like *The Power of Now*—basically anything that helps with this stuff.
Learn how to actually live in the moment instead of stressing about what happens tomorrow.
If you start tackling this right now, you'll get past it.

That chest pain? That’s your heart chakra talking—total energy imbalance tied to your emotions and love life. You're basically dodging your feelings even though you're super emotional.
That alone is reason enough to fix this.
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#11 ·
And what about the rest of it?

The lack of confidence, or finding oneself stuck in those social anxiety loops—or whatever the hell we're calling it these days?

What about all those random, scattered feelings that pop up at different times throughout the day, all tied back to that whole mess? 🙂
fadedbear92 fadedbear92 Veteran
1.1K messages
joined Dec 2008
#12 ·
Laura Murphy3 said:And what about the rest of it?

The lack of confidence, or finding oneself stuck in those social anxiety loops—or whatever the hell we're calling it these days?

What about all those random, scattered feelings that pop up at different times throughout the day, all tied back to that whole mess? 🙂

Who do you feel totally comfortable and relaxed around?
When you’re meeting someone new, do you get that anxious feeling?
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#13 ·
Whose company actually makes you feel chill and relaxed?

Honestly, I'm not even sure... Like, I actually feel pretty comfortable around the people I hang out with on a daily basis, but one-on-one stuff? That’s where it gets weird for me. It's fine when the whole crew is there—just a big group vibe. But once I'm separated from the pack to hang out with just one friend, that's usually when things get awkward. Doesn't happen every single time, and not with everyone, but yeah, most of the time.

Do you get anxious when you meet someone new?

I don't think so. Maybe occasionally, but nothing crazy.
mistyseal11 mistyseal11 Regular
250 messages
joined Aug 2007
#14 ·
Laura Murphy3 said:
If you’re wondering if you might be dealing with this disorder, see if these situations make you feel totally uneasy:
- Working while someone’s watching over your shoulder
- Calling someone you barely know—or don't know at all
- Using a public restroom
- Taking those standardized tests or skill assessments
- Telling someone you don't really know that you disagree with them
- Hosting a party or some kind of get-together
- Walking into a room where everyone is already seated

Those are basically just symptoms of social anxiety, and honestly, you can find plenty of people who deal with most of them—not that I'm preaching here or anything, though.

But I still don't get that other stuff. Like, why is it that every single time I start building a connection with someone, and just when things finally feel comfortable, I suddenly lose it and just run for the hills?🙂

And since you brought up social anxiety, you could have actually framed my story within that context so it made sense why you thought that was what it was—just so I could see your logic.

@Patrick Brown45, I tried thinking about it, but I didn't come up with anything concrete. My parents were great, my brother is an awesome guy with zero issues... the only thing that comes to mind is that I was pretty insecure growing up, and kids used to mess with me quite a bit... it wasn't like some massive, traumatic bullying situation, but... yeah, whatever. I still carry these defense mechanisms from childhood, a sort of fear, and this lingering feeling that in certain spots, I'm still vulnerable, inferior, or just won't be accepted...

Yeah, I totally could've, but I kind of wanted to leave it up to you to dig into it a bit and maybe find some common ground yourself... plus, I still left you plenty of room to just vent about all my bullshit😉

...and like you said, there are definitely a lot of missing pieces here, though it doesn't matter which ones specifically—what matters is that you know what they are, and if you read up on social phobia, you can see if it actually clicks for you. If it does, great, but if it doesn't, then you can be like, "Nah, it's not because of this or that" (you know, based on those specific details you didn't mention)
Patrick Brown45 Patrick Brown45 Member
14 messages
joined Aug 2010
#15 ·
Laura Murphy3 said:And what about the rest of it?

The lack of confidence, or finding oneself stuck in those social anxiety loops—or whatever the hell we're calling it these days?

What about all those random, scattered feelings that pop up at different times throughout the day, all tied back to that whole mess? 🙂

Quote : WTF, we can't just hand out a diagnosis over a few forum posts 🙂.
Maybe look up the whole "indigo child" thing online. See if you actually fit that description.
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#16 ·
Reed, I didn't mean to come off the way I did, my bad 🙂

Quote : WTF, we can't just hand out diagnoses based on a few posts here.
Maybe look up the whole "indigo child" thing online. See if you even fit that description.

Heh, honestly, who knows. I feel like I’ve got this crazy high level of empathy—like, I just get what people need or how they're feeling in the moment—so I tend to treat them differently because of it. But then again, I also look at it through the lens of being a total pushover... I often don't have the "balls" to tell people things straight up when I know they won't like it—even when they're totally wrong—simply because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Or maybe I just act however I feel like acting if I suspect my vibe might mess with someone else.

But that's just my take, and obviously everyone sees themselves differently. At least that's how it seems to me. As for whether I actually fit the rest of that indigo child stuff? Relatively, yeah.

It's an energy imbalance tied to emotions and love. You're basically dodging your feelings while being incredibly emotional.

What you wrote is probably the closest anyone has gotten to what I feel is the core of the problem. I just haven't figured out the root cause yet.
Patrick Brown45 Patrick Brown45 Member
14 messages
joined Aug 2010
#17 ·
Laura Murphy3 said:Reed, I didn't mean to come off the way I did, my bad 🙂

Quote : WTF, we can't just hand out diagnoses based on a few posts here.
Maybe look up the whole "indigo child" thing online. See if you even fit that description.

Heh, honestly, who knows. I feel like I’ve got this crazy high level of empathy—like, I just get what people need or how they're feeling in the moment—so I tend to treat them differently because of it. But then again, I also look at it through the lens of being a total pushover... I often don't have the "balls" to tell people things straight up when I know they won't like it—even when they're totally wrong—simply because I don't want to hurt their feelings. Or maybe I just act however I feel like acting if I suspect my vibe might mess with someone else.

But that's just my take, and obviously everyone sees themselves differently. At least that's how it seems to me. As for whether I actually fit the rest of that indigo child stuff? Relatively, yeah.

It's an energy imbalance tied to emotions and love. You're basically dodging your feelings while being incredibly emotional.

What you wrote is probably the closest anyone has gotten to what I feel is the core of the problem. I just haven't figured out the root cause yet.

The root cause doesn't even matter right now. If you really need to find it, it'll show up on its own.
What you actually need is some self-work. I honestly think holistic stuff would help you out. You might even want to try yoga just to get your hormones back in check.
Overthinking this isn't going to solve anything, even if you did figure out the cause.
If you want to chat about alternative stuff or yoga, just ask.
mistyseal11 mistyseal11 Regular
250 messages
joined Aug 2007
#18 ·
Are you leaning toward anorexia or suicide?
Laura Murphy3 Laura Murphy3 MemberOP
16 messages
joined Aug 2010
#19 ·
I’m all for anorexia, but I wouldn't touch suicide with a ten-foot pole.
fadedbear92 fadedbear92 Veteran
1.1K messages
joined Dec 2008
#20 ·
Laura Murphy3 said:I’m all for anorexia, but I wouldn't touch suicide with a ten-foot pole.

Could you be a bit more specific? How long has this been going on—are you unhappy with your appearance?

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