Schizophrenia - General Discussion

It’s honestly such a relief when someone reaches out to share their own journey with us; it makes the whole experience feel a bit less lonely
As for how I'm doing lately, I still deal with those intrusive thoughts and occasional auditory hallucinations from time to time
I was wondering, though—do you feel like your core personality has shifted much since everything happened, and how have you been navigating your relationships with people?

Right at the start of my illness—and looking back, I realize this was a massive blunder on my part—I went ahead and told everyone exactly what was going on with me. Big mistake. It cost me every single friend I had. I became a social pariah, stigmatized by people who didn't know how to handle the reality of it, and that stigma left deep scars on how I interact with others today. It made it incredibly difficult to trust anyone, to socialize, or even to find someone I actually liked. Everything shifted, though, after my hospital stay back in 2008. It was like hitting a reset button; I started down an entirely different path, and all those interpersonal struggles just... evaporated. Now, I have a small, tight-knit circle of people close to me, and honestly, that support is everything.

I am truly sorry you're dealing with hearing voices; I know firsthand how unsettling and deeply uncomfortable that experience can be. Have you ever been hospitalized for it? And if you don't mind me asking, how long has this been going on for you?

If you’re asking whether my whole persona has shifted—well, yeah, it has. I’ve become significantly more composed, more reserved, if you can call it that—just... quieter. It’s a far cry from how I used to be, back when I was always the first one down for a night out, chasing the next high, looking for some kind of chaos just for the hell of it. I was the life of the party, the guy everyone wanted around. But you see, the moment life actually hits you hard and things go sideways—the moment real trouble finds you—that "circle" of friends? It tends to evaporate into thin air.🙂

briskgull27 said:This condition is honestly so overwhelming that even doctors hesitate to officially write down an F20 diagnosis on your medical records.
I personally can't wrap my head around what exactly makes my experience so "abnormal," and truthfully, I don't even want to find out since it's a lifelong journey.
I've been dealing with this for ten years now.
People often compare managing it to living with diabetes.
It’s such a heavy burden that you'll occasionally run into someone offering "alternative" cures just to get their foot in the door.
A doctor friend of mine once explained that it's sometimes referred to as "cancer of the soul."
As for me, I don't really have any desire to fully embrace that "reality."
That's all for now! 👏
Would you actually want to have a close friend or a family member living with schizophrenia?

My aunt lives with schizophrenia. One day she called me up and said, "You know, your mother is basically a goddess." She started seeing these divine figures, Cleopatra, and all that nonsense during her teenage years.

Olivia Stewart3 said:My aunt lives with schizophrenia. One day she called me up and said, "You know, your mother is basically a goddess." She started seeing these divine figures, Cleopatra, and all that nonsense during her teenage years.

Is she currently on any medication? It would be quite unsettling if she were experiencing these delusions without the support of her prescription regimen. Does she have anyone looking out for her?

Larry Lewis said:Right at the start of my illness—and looking back, I realize this was a massive blunder on my part—I went ahead and told everyone exactly what was going on with me. Big mistake. It cost me every single friend I had. I became a social pariah, stigmatized by people who didn't know how to handle the reality of it, and that stigma left deep scars on how I interact with others today. It made it incredibly difficult to trust anyone, to socialize, or even to find someone I actually liked. Everything shifted, though, after my hospital stay back in 2008. It was like hitting a reset button; I started down an entirely different path, and all those interpersonal struggles just... evaporated. Now, I have a small, tight-knit circle of people close to me, and honestly, that support is everything.

I am truly sorry you're dealing with hearing voices; I know firsthand how unsettling and deeply uncomfortable that experience can be. Have you ever been hospitalized for it? And if you don't mind me asking, how long has this been going on for you?

I feel for you regarding your friends, though if they walked away when things got tough, they weren't much of friends to begin with =)
I spent about a month in a psychiatric ward over in Chicago; the doctors suggested it so they could fine-tune my treatment plan. While I was there, they ran a CT scan and an EEG, and everything came back normal. After that, the voices actually disappeared for a while, but they've recently started coming back, though they aren't quite as intense. My doctor lowered my dosage, so I suspect that might be why. I was asking about your personality and how you interact with others because I’ve undergone a total transformation myself. My old friends noticed it too—I don't go out much anymore, and I can't drink at all since I'm on medication. I have about ten people in my life right now—close friends and some acquaintances from my university classes whom I care about—but generally speaking, I've become quite withdrawn and I'm not really one for big social gatherings anymore.

I completely get where you're coming from regarding that tendency to lay low and avoid social circles—believe me, I spent a massive chunk of my life doing the exact same thing—but then, eventually, some new faces drifted into my orbit, and suddenly
that whole "social anxiety" issue just... evaporated. Though, I’ll admit, I’m still incredibly selective about who I grab a coffee with; I tend to steer clear of certain crowds whenever possible, but honestly, that feels perfectly healthy to me—you aren't meant to click with every single person you meet, after all.

That period where my old friends walked away from me—and let me tell you, that hit me hard—left a profound mark on my psyche. For the longest time, I couldn't bring myself to get close to anyone new or even attempt to join a different group, despite having plenty of opportunities to do so. Back then, I was just... fragile. Emotionally raw, physically struggling, and frankly, not in the best shape.

If there's one thing that weighs on me, it's the sense that I missed out on certain milestones during my twenties—while everyone else was out at bars in Chicago or hitting the clubs, I was stuck inside, popping pills and fighting these exhausting internal battles entirely on my own. But, I suppose that's just how the cards fell.

It’s honestly such a nightmare, all the stuff you have to endure when you're dealing with an illness like that. I can practically count my close friends on one hand, so you can probably imagine just how much of a social butterfly I am.

Look, having friends is all well and good—you have as many as you have—but I find myself in a similar boat. For some reason—and I honestly can’t quite put my finger on why, though perhaps it’s just a shift in how I process things these days—I actually find it much easier to strike up a conversation with mere acquaintances than with people I'm actually close to. It’s a strange sort of pivot, really.

They say man is a social animal, designed by nature to exist among others, yet there's a massive catch, isn't there? I mean, what exactly would happen if I just walked up to some girl at a Starbucks in downtown Chicago and blurted out that I struggle with schizophrenia? Total disaster, right?🙂

It’s great that you’re happy that way, but I’ve always found that I function best when I have some space to myself; there's just a certain peace in being solo that I can't quite replicate elsewhere.
Well, there's really no need to broadcast everything to the world—when she actually needs to know the truth, she'll find out on her own terms. =)
On another note, how was everything back in Austin? What’s the vibe like there lately—is it the kind of place someone could actually escape to if they needed a fresh start?

I spent some time over at a facility in Seattle—on a pretty decent ward, actually—and honestly, if you’re in an open unit, getting out isn't the impossible feat people make it out to be; though, if you’re stuck in a locked ward, things get a bit more complicated. They usually move you to the open floor once your condition stabilizes somewhat. On the unit where I stayed, it was mostly younger folks, which made it relatively easy to find someone decent to hang out with—you know how it is—so my experience with the hospital wasn't exactly a nightmare. That said, I’ve heard horror stories about other wards... I just happened to catch a break and land in a good one, so far as I can tell.

I’m not working right now, and look, it’s easy enough to say that while my parents are still here to look after me—but what happens when they’re gone? What happens when my health takes a turn for the worse and I’m physically unable to hold down a job? What then? Besides, even as things stand, I feel like my ability to work is already compromised—mostly because of these intrusive, relentless thoughts that just won't quit.

How about you? Are you working? And what would you say is the absolute worst part of dealing with this whole mess?

It’s good to know, just in case I ever find myself stuck in a place like that—I’ll know exactly when to make my escape, haha.
I am currently a student, though I haven't actually sat for any exams yet, so I can't say for sure how the studying part is going to go. I tend to struggle a bit with concentration; my mind tends to wander into all sorts of strange thoughts and associations. Sometimes, I get this overwhelming sensation that people can actually read my mind—even when I logically know they can't, the feeling just completely takes over. My current diagnosis is F-22, but they aren't ruling out a transition into schizoaffective disorder, specifically F-25, because I deal with manic episodes, depression, and symptoms of schizophrenia. Honestly, even the doctors seem a bit stumped about where I fit best; my physician actually told me she hadn't encountered a case quite like mine before.
The worst part, though, is definitely the hallucinations; once they start up, they really take a toll on who I am.

Are you two just part of a family tradition of being totally out of your minds, or what?

🤷

I actually have a distant relative who struggled with SCH

Haha, because usually this kind of stuff is just down to genetics.

Though I guess stress, drugs, and things like that can act as triggers too...🤷

The illness doesn't have a clear cause, and there isn't anyone to blame—at least, that's how my doctor put it. Even though stress is a massive trigger, and I'll be honest, I've experimented with weed in the past, so maybe that played a role too.

I spent four years smoking weed practically every single day—and let’s be honest, I’ve experimented with just about everything else out there, too—so when you factor in my genetic predisposition, I suppose it isn't exactly a shocker that things ended up this way.

The only thing that really gets under my skin—the part that truly eats at me—is how everyone insists it’s incurable... though, selfishly, I’d love to be the one to prove them wrong and be the first to actually recover from sch🙂

While there isn't a permanent cure just yet, managing the condition effectively is definitely possible, and that’s really the key. Honestly, just try to imagine what it must be like to live with the constant presence of voices in your head every single day.

The point isn't about "escaping" from an open ward. As you noted, being in an open unit means you're improving—your symptoms are under control and stabilized. You’re there by choice, and you can leave if you decide treatment isn't necessary for you.
If someone manages to flee from a locked psychiatric unit, the police are called to bring them back. This results in involuntary commitment—meaning at least 30 days in a high-security ward where you can't even step out for a coffee or walk around the campus, let alone go home for the weekend. Ultimately, they end up stuck in the hospital much longer than they otherwise would have been.

vividnomad2 said:While there isn't a permanent cure just yet, managing the condition effectively is definitely possible, and that’s really the key. Honestly, just try to imagine what it must be like to live with the constant presence of voices in your head every single day.

What kind of things are you actually hearing on a daily basis? I know this one girl who deals with constant auditory hallucinations, and honestly, my heart just breaks for her. As for me—well, as I mentioned before—I only experienced it for about thirty minutes, and even that brief window was more than enough for me to last a lifetime.