Schizophrenia - General Discussion

David Vaughn75 said:I was recently stuck in the hospital, so everything is still pretty raw and fresh in my mind.

But once I get back from my trip to the coast, I'll be hunting for work. 👍

Teddy, man, I really hope you make a full recovery—I honestly have a feeling you will.

Given that it’s been five years since the absolute worst of it, things really ought to be looking up by now. I was actually talking to a friend today—she was suggesting I switch up some of my medications—and honestly, I feel like I have nothing left to lose. I just want to live a normal life for once, if you catch my drift. It's exhausting.
These damn symptoms... they just won't quit. It's a mess.
I've been dealing with this illness for so long, yet I feel like I've barely even scratched the surface of what it can do... maybe 20%? It’s unbelievable.

I’m currently in one of those moods where I just want to down 25 Adderall pills or smoke five damn Marlboro Reds—actually, better yet, let’s just go for the grand slam and do both at once. I am feeling absolutely, profoundly terrible right now.

Akineton is actually a pretty decent, perfectly legal drug if you know what you're doing...

Noah Garcia4 said:Akineton is actually a pretty decent, perfectly legal drug if you know what you're doing...

God, they’re absolutely brutal—I’ve popped them a few times myself, and let me tell you, I couldn't even read my own watch to see what time it was.

Larry Lewis said:Teddy, man, I really hope you make a full recovery—I honestly have a feeling you will.

Given that it’s been five years since the absolute worst of it, things really ought to be looking up by now. I was actually talking to a friend today—she was suggesting I switch up some of my medications—and honestly, I feel like I have nothing left to lose. I just want to live a normal life for once, if you catch my drift. It's exhausting.
These damn symptoms... they just won't quit. It's a mess.
I've been dealing with this illness for so long, yet I feel like I've barely even scratched the surface of what it can do... maybe 20%? It’s unbelievable.

Thanks for the kind words. 👍

I'm doing great regarding the psychosis stuff, but man, the lack of motivation is hitting hard—I just can't bring myself to do anything. Part of me wants to just head down to the Gulf, catch twenty pounds of tuna, flirt with some tourists, and then, once I've finally recharged my batteries, dive headfirst back into real life.☕

David Vaughn75 said:Thanks for the kind words. 👍

I'm doing great regarding the psychosis stuff, but man, the lack of motivation is hitting hard—I just can't bring myself to do anything. Part of me wants to just head down to the Gulf, catch twenty pounds of tuna, flirt with some tourists, and then, once I've finally recharged my batteries, dive headfirst back into real life.☕

it's bleak 🙂

Noah Garcia4 said:I actually ran into an old acquaintance recently. She told me—without meaning any offense, of course—that I look perfectly normal. Honestly, why would I be offended? It was actually quite kind of her to notice.
I wonder what she’d think if she read my posts on here. Still, it’s nice to hear. ☕

From my perspective, even your posts on this forum have become much more grounded lately. There is a massive difference compared to how you used to write a few years ago. You seem totally fine now!

Noah Garcia4, give me a break—are you actually serious right now? Honestly, being "normal" is a total myth when your nerves are constantly frayed and eating you alive from the inside out.

Thanks for all the support, everyone; it really means a lot to me 😁☕

Robin Lopez2 said:From my perspective, even your posts on this forum have become much more grounded lately. There is a massive difference compared to how you used to write a few years ago. You seem totally fine now!

Oh, so she wasn't "normal" before? Seriously? Please, do me a favor and explain exactly what you mean by that. She was suffering through an illness—she wasn't losing her mind—so maybe try to wrap your head around the fact that a sick person is actually going through something real.
It is a truly monumental feat of arrogance to look someone in the eye and say, "You were crazy before, but now you're fine."
I mean, who do you think you are? What gives you the right to play judge and jury over someone else's sanity? It's honestly unbelievable.
Do yourself a favor: go buy a mirror, take a long, hard look at yourself, and tell us what you see. She had the courage to face her reality, whereas you? You don't have a shred of it—you're nothing but a coward at heart, my friend.

I hear you, Larry Lewis. What could an outsider possibly say besides noting that you were struggling before and now you’re doing better? There is no way a "normal" person can truly grasp what we are actually going through.
And then suddenly you’re labeled as lazy or aggressive, as if those traits aren't present in everyone else—it just happens to be our fault.

I think this is a good moment to mention that hallucinations or delusions, whatever terminology you prefer, don't just emerge from thin air; they are rooted in reality. They don't spawn from nothingness. Something happens in your actual life, and then the psychotic mind takes that input and twists it into whatever narrative makes sense to them. Think about why schizophrenia is more prevalent in major American cities compared to rural areas, whereas in certain isolated tribes in Africa, it practically doesn't exist. It isn't that they lack the medical knowledge to diagnose it; it's that the condition simply isn't there.
When you live in a massive metropolitan area, constantly surrounded by churches, radio waves, television, computers, smartphones, and a sea of people gossiping about one another, it’s easy for your brain to take those stimuli and build a hallucination on top of them.
For instance, you might imagine you're being watched—perhaps even tracked via a handheld device—especially once people become aware of your condition and start using it as fuel for their local gossip. But once you fall into a schizophrenic mindset, you amplify that feeling, assigning it a strange sort of importance until you convince yourself you are somehow the center of the universe.
Emotions become unbalanced, clashing with how the brain processes things; sure, regular people get irritable too, but for someone experiencing psychosis, that irritability is magnified to a scale that completely escapes control.
I am convinced that if you are hearing voices, they are originating from somewhere within the subconscious. They don't just manifest out of the void.
Of course, one could always argue that a person is possessed rather than psychotic.
It’s never quite clear to me how a priest decides whether to perform an exorcism or simply refer someone to a psychiatrist; if we are looking at it from that specific angle, I’d probably lump all of it under the umbrella of possession.
Then you sit in a church listening to a globalized brand of schizophrenia that has been running for 2,000 years, and it's hard not to buckle under the weight of all the logical inconsistencies and start spiraling about Jesus or the devil or whatever else.
My point is that hallucinations are built upon real-world events that the mind then misinterprets. How would anyone ever imagine being watched by aliens if they hadn't heard of them first? I respect the possibility that it’s real, but they wouldn't even know they were seeing an alien; they would just perceive it as, say, a light, and since they already know what light is, their brain wouldn't trigger any issues.
And yes, I'll try not to draw the ire of the religious crowd, but I know exactly what I'm talking about. 😉☕

Larry Lewis said:Oh, so she wasn't "normal" before? Seriously? Please, do me a favor and explain exactly what you mean by that. She was suffering through an illness—she wasn't losing her mind—so maybe try to wrap your head around the fact that a sick person is actually going through something real.
It is a truly monumental feat of arrogance to look someone in the eye and say, "You were crazy before, but now you're fine."
I mean, who do you think you are? What gives you the right to play judge and jury over someone else's sanity? It's honestly unbelievable.
Do yourself a favor: go buy a mirror, take a long, hard look at yourself, and tell us what you see. She had the courage to face her reality, whereas you? You don't have a shred of it—you're nothing but a coward at heart, my friend.

Thanks for reacting this way; it actually helps me clarify things. This post of yours is psychotic. I have never told anyone they were crazy and are now normal. That is purely your own psychotic reaction to a thought I never even had, let alone voiced!

To be clear: First, regarding myself. I’ve been on this forum for years. I carry diagnoses like F43.1, F62.0, F23.0, and F20.0. That’s why I read this thread. Honestly, I feel some shame for everything I wrote here when I was in a psychotic state. Now, my conditions are under control. I’ve been on 1mg of Risperdal for about five years, and I’m grateful I don't need heavier medication. I am stable now, and my writing reflects that; when I was psychotic, it didn't.

I remember exactly when Noah Garcia4 first appeared on this forum and how she wrote. I knew every single time she started using a new burner account because her previous handles kept getting banned. She could pick any name she wanted, but she couldn't hide the psychosis. Now, thanks to her medication, she isn't psychotic anymore. Her writing actually makes sense, and I was simply trying to commend her for her progress in that last post.

I also vividly remember the time I thought I was perfectly fine. I posted here saying I was stopping all my meds because I felt "universally healthy." Noah Garcia4 told me, "Fine, you aren't taking them now, but you'll end up needing them even more later." She was right. My psychosis returned, and it took me five years to get back to a steady 1mg of Risperdal. It doesn't even cross my mind to stop my treatment now.

In closing, I don't view anyone on this thread dealing with psychotic issues as "crazy." To me, it's just another human experience. From my own life, I am certain that no amount of talking helps except for medication. You have to find that minimum dosage that allows a person to function normally.

Noah Garcia4 said:I hear you, Larry Lewis. What could an outsider possibly say besides noting that you were struggling before and now you’re doing better? There is no way a "normal" person can truly grasp what we are actually going through.
And then suddenly you’re labeled as lazy or aggressive, as if those traits aren't present in everyone else—it just happens to be our fault.

I think this is a good moment to mention that hallucinations or delusions, whatever terminology you prefer, don't just emerge from thin air; they are rooted in reality. They don't spawn from nothingness. Something happens in your actual life, and then the psychotic mind takes that input and twists it into whatever narrative makes sense to them. Think about why schizophrenia is more prevalent in major American cities compared to rural areas, whereas in certain isolated tribes in Africa, it practically doesn't exist. It isn't that they lack the medical knowledge to diagnose it; it's that the condition simply isn't there.
When you live in a massive metropolitan area, constantly surrounded by churches, radio waves, television, computers, smartphones, and a sea of people gossiping about one another, it’s easy for your brain to take those stimuli and build a hallucination on top of them.
For instance, you might imagine you're being watched—perhaps even tracked via a handheld device—especially once people become aware of your condition and start using it as fuel for their local gossip. But once you fall into a schizophrenic mindset, you amplify that feeling, assigning it a strange sort of importance until you convince yourself you are somehow the center of the universe.
Emotions become unbalanced, clashing with how the brain processes things; sure, regular people get irritable too, but for someone experiencing psychosis, that irritability is magnified to a scale that completely escapes control.
I am convinced that if you are hearing voices, they are originating from somewhere within the subconscious. They don't just manifest out of the void.
Of course, one could always argue that a person is possessed rather than psychotic.
It’s never quite clear to me how a priest decides whether to perform an exorcism or simply refer someone to a psychiatrist; if we are looking at it from that specific angle, I’d probably lump all of it under the umbrella of possession.
Then you sit in a church listening to a globalized brand of schizophrenia that has been running for 2,000 years, and it's hard not to buckle under the weight of all the logical inconsistencies and start spiraling about Jesus or the devil or whatever else.
My point is that hallucinations are built upon real-world events that the mind then misinterprets. How would anyone ever imagine being watched by aliens if they hadn't heard of them first? I respect the possibility that it’s real, but they wouldn't even know they were seeing an alien; they would just perceive it as, say, a light, and since they already know what light is, their brain wouldn't trigger any issues.
And yes, I'll try not to draw the ire of the religious crowd, but I know exactly what I'm talking about. 😉☕

I attended a spiritual retreat once in my life. To be honest, it felt more like some kind of magic ritual, though I kept quiet about it at the time. A few years later, I decided not to go back to the same pastor, and I actually dealt with some pretty nasty harassment from a church member who kept pushing me to return. I eventually sat down with my private psychiatrist to unpack the whole thing. He told me those types of retreats usually boil down to three Ps: Primitivism, Pseudoscience, and Pretense. I couldn't agree more.

Robin Lopez2 said:I attended a spiritual retreat once in my life. To be honest, it felt more like some kind of magic ritual, though I kept quiet about it at the time. A few years later, I decided not to go back to the same pastor, and I actually dealt with some pretty nasty harassment from a church member who kept pushing me to return. I eventually sat down with my private psychiatrist to unpack the whole thing. He told me those types of retreats usually boil down to three Ps: Primitivism, Pseudoscience, and Pretense. I couldn't agree more.

There’s plenty of stuff in the Bible that makes sense if you look hard enough, but frankly, it’s better not to dig too deep. Living in that imaginary world usually does us more harm than good.
If I hit a breaking point and lose my mind, I can't exactly sit around waiting a month for Jesus to show up and show mercy. You get admitted to the hospital, they start asking if you need Haldol or something similar, and by the time Jesus decides to make an appearance, you might have already completely unraveled. (And I'm being serious here).
Furthermore, I don't have the luxury of waiting a year, five years, or twenty years for Jesus to intervene.
Then again, if exorcisms actually worked and were available nearby, I’d probably be first in line. Why wouldn't I? But nooo. Apparently, if you want an exorcism, you aren't allowed to take medication. Really, wtf?
edit: The Bible talks about the sins of the fathers; nowadays, we just call that genetics, claiming it's all written in our DNA... and so on. 😁

Noah Garcia4 said:There’s plenty of stuff in the Bible that makes sense if you look hard enough, but frankly, it’s better not to dig too deep. Living in that imaginary world usually does us more harm than good.
If I hit a breaking point and lose my mind, I can't exactly sit around waiting a month for Jesus to show up and show mercy. You get admitted to the hospital, they start asking if you need Haldol or something similar, and by the time Jesus decides to make an appearance, you might have already completely unraveled. (And I'm being serious here).
Furthermore, I don't have the luxury of waiting a year, five years, or twenty years for Jesus to intervene.
Then again, if exorcisms actually worked and were available nearby, I’d probably be first in line. Why wouldn't I? But nooo. Apparently, if you want an exorcism, you aren't allowed to take medication. Really, wtf?
edit: The Bible talks about the sins of the fathers; nowadays, we just call that genetics, claiming it's all written in our DNA... and so on. 😁

I agree, so I don't even give it a second thought anymore.

Noah Garcia4 said:There’s plenty of stuff in the Bible that makes sense if you look hard enough, but frankly, it’s better not to dig too deep. Living in that imaginary world usually does us more harm than good.
If I hit a breaking point and lose my mind, I can't exactly sit around waiting a month for Jesus to show up and show mercy. You get admitted to the hospital, they start asking if you need Haldol or something similar, and by the time Jesus decides to make an appearance, you might have already completely unraveled. (And I'm being serious here).
Furthermore, I don't have the luxury of waiting a year, five years, or twenty years for Jesus to intervene.
Then again, if exorcisms actually worked and were available nearby, I’d probably be first in line. Why wouldn't I? But nooo. Apparently, if you want an exorcism, you aren't allowed to take medication. Really, wtf?
edit: The Bible talks about the sins of the fathers; nowadays, we just call that genetics, claiming it's all written in our DNA... and so on. 😁

Back when I went through my first psychotic break, I didn't feel any need to wait around for anyone to tell me who I was. 😲

Robin Lopez2 said:I agree, so I don't even give it a second thought anymore.

Back when I went through my first psychotic break, I didn't feel any need to wait around for anyone to tell me who I was. 😲

And honestly, welcome to the club.🤣
After all, isn't it entirely plausible that someone, somewhere, once genuinely believed they were Napoleon?😂

The funny thing is, we aren't pretending to be anything other than what we actually are. It’s just simple reality. For instance, there's a woman who gets her prom dresses made by my sister because she’s convinced she’s some kind of high-society socialite from Manhattan.

I didn't quite follow your train of thought 🍿

Let me put it more simply: back in 1999 during my first psychotic episode, I didn't just imagine I was Jesus—I genuinely believed I was Him. If the people around me didn't buy it, that was their issue, not mine. Of course, looking back now, I see things through a different lens and realize I wasn't actually Him.

A man thinks for himselfalways believes he's right. Whether you're in a state of psychosis or not doesn't matter in the moment. It’s only later, once you accept your diagnosis and therapy starts to kick in, that you realize those episodes were just nonsense.

Robin Lopez2 said:The funny thing is, we aren't pretending to be anything other than what we actually are. It’s just simple reality. For instance, there's a woman who gets her prom dresses made by my sister because she’s convinced she’s some kind of high-society socialite from Manhattan.

I honestly can't tell if I'm losing my grip on reality or if you're just being intentionally cryptic, but I am completely lost as to what you're trying to say here.