What were your biggest pregnancy surprises and pet peeves?

Jesse Johnson15 said:Quinn:

I've been sitting here staring at my screen for a while now, just trying to find the right way to put this all together because there’s so much swirling around in my head, and honestly, it feels like I need to get it out there somewhere just to make sense of it all. You know those days where everything feels slightly off-kilter, like you're walking through a dream that’s just a little too vivid? That’s been my headspace lately. It’s funny how life works, isn't it? One minute you think you have a handle on things—you've got your routine down, maybe you're grabbing a coffee at a local Starbucks and feeling pretty settled—and then something shifts, and suddenly you're looking at the world through a completely different lens. I was actually thinking about this the other day while I was driving through downtown Chicago, watching the traffic crawl along, and it hit me how much we all just try to maintain this facade of having it all figured out when, in reality, most of us are just making it up as we go. I don't mean to ramble, I really don't, it's just that when you start pulling on one thread of a thought, the whole sweater tends to unravel, if that makes any sense. I feel like I'm constantly trying to weave it back together, though. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm still processing everything, and I wanted to reach out and share this bit of my internal monologue with you all, even if it's a little disorganized. It feels more honest that way, I suppose. Just being real about the messiness of it all. kaže: I’m currently 37 weeks along, and honestly, I feel more at peace and carefree right now than I ever did before I was even pregnant. It’s such a strange, beautiful thing how everything just settles into place when you get this close to the finish line.

That sounds great, but about that part in bold:

I’d say I’m happy about 99.9% of the time, honestly, but I can’t help the way my stomach knots up right before any kind of lab work or medical analysis. I don't mean to make a huge deal out of it—it’s not like I’m having a full-blown meltdown or anything—but if I said I didn't feel that wave of anxiety creeping in before every single checkup, I’d be lying to myself. It’s such a strange, conflicting thing because, at the exact same time, there’s this little part of me that actually looks forward to them, almost like I'm eager to just get it over with and see the results.

I guess it all really comes down to how much of a struggle the pregnancy itself is, because honestly, for me, it’s been pretty much nothing but misery so far—I don't even bother counting the times I've been sick to my stomach anymore since it's just become such a constant thing. But on top of that, there's this one physical issue I'm dealing with that actually has nothing to do with being pregnant, which basically means I could be forced into bed at any given moment. And for someone like me, who absolutely hates being stuck lying down and prefers staying on the move, that is a seriously tough pill to swallow.

I just can't help it, you know? It’s like this thing that keeps bubbling up in the back of my mind, and honestly, I can't seem to shake it, no matter how much I try to stay busy or distract myself with work or anything else. It just hits me out of nowhere every once in a while, and there's really nothing I can do about it other than just sit there and let the thought wander through my head. 🤷 I mean, honestly, if you look at the big picture, I’m actually doing pretty great—just living my best life and keeping things happy for Mom. 😁

I guess what I was getting at with my whole thing about ignorance is that if you don't know something exists, it can't exactly weigh on your mind, right? It’s like, if I had no idea that one of my health issues could actually pose a risk during Pregnancy, I wouldn't be losing any sleep over it at all—I’d just be going about my day, totally oblivious, while everything stays blissfully unaware. It's that classic "ignorance is bliss" situation where you're just coasting along because you don't realize there's even a bump in the road ahead.

So, just to give you an idea of how this works... 🙂
I’m not trying to be negative or anything, I just really believe that having these kinds of fears is totally normal—just like how dealing with heartburn, hemorrhoids, or broken capillaries is just part of life. You could just keep adding things to that list forever. It doesn't mean that everyone out there is experiencing them at the exact same time, you know? 🙂

I’m 31 now, and honestly, I feel like I've finally settled that big, nagging life question once and for all. I mean, I really think age plays a certain part in how you see things, doesn't it? It's like everything just starts to click into place differently when you hit your thirties. 🙂

Of course, I realized! 🙂))))
I don't know why, but this thread (this is my third time here, and I really have no intention of trolling or ruining anyone else's vibe by venting) feels... kind of heavy.
I mean, I totally get the discomforts, the issues, the bad days, the hormones... you name it. But when I think about the fact that there's a little squirrel in my belly that I'll probably lose sleep over and spend all my time worrying about... there isn't anything that could truly irritate me. A few things surprised me, sure, but nothing so intense that I need to vent about it on a thread where it feels like women are playing games about whether someone is allowed to touch their belly or not...
Sorry if that sounds blunt, I don't mean to be rude...
And Danicza, you're right... a lot of this comes down to a woman's maturity and the fact that she might have already handled her own stuff on her own... so it's not easy to shake her with just anything.

It's no biggie... for instance, when someone says to me in that annoying way, "Get some sleep, because you'll never get it again," I just snap back that I actually can't wait for that stage of life! Sleep was never my priority anyway, and like a few other people I know—I love waking up at 5 AM and making the most of the day instead of whining about life's responsibilities.

(And for the record—I'm not a huge kid person, nor am I a fan of kids in general... I can't even look at baby photos, let alone show them to my friends. I understand that some moms don't love their kids, their pregnancy, or motherhood. Just as I understand there are women who will never say, "WTF did I do with my life?" even when they' think it... Love for children isn't always "natural and automatic." It's a choice and a feeling. Thank goodness that if all women were honest about what they really feel toward kids, they'd probably raise them much more normally!)))

driftingcrane83 said:😂

There'll be enough stomach-churning material to go around. 😛

That’s exactly why I won't let him go to the family reunion alone—I'm not having it! 🤣 He'll have plenty of photos to choose from when he's feeling sick; I think I'll pick out the most gruesome ones. 😬

Nancy Ruiz7 said:Supergirl, keep going, I completely hear where you're coming from... Just because a pregnancy wasn't planned doesn't mean you can't get those things you mentioned sorted before the baby arrives. Maybe instead of putting it off, this is actually the perfect moment to finally get moving, right?
Well, I'm 31, and if I had been able to have a child sooner, I certainly would have... This is just happening now that certain foundations are being laid (marriage, a home, a career), though that doesn't mean the work hasn't been hard... It isn't a matter of being smarter or less intelligent—it's just that if you haven't handled these things by now, you handle them now, because once the baby is actually here, it's much easier if you aren't simultaneously scrambling to figure those things out. On the other hand, courage is a virtue, and I truly believe you're going to provide the absolute best for your baby... along with plenty of love...

Honestly, this is my biggest motivation to finally wrap up my degree and break out of this daily grind. I don't mind the hustle at all, but I can't help feeling a bit overwhelmed—is what I'm doing enough? What else should I be focusing on? It’s just that you always have this perfect vision playing in your head, right? When reality hits and things don't go exactly according to plan, it's so easy to feel a little lost.

Is there anything more refreshing than a fresh start? I truly believe we all need them from time to time. Keith Allen4 says:
People like Keith Allen4 always step in just to shake things up a bit, don't they? It keeps things from getting too predictable.😛
Honestly, S. C., let’s be real—some women just make it look effortless. They act like these perfect queens who are smiling through everything from day one until the very end of pregnancy, then they breeze through childbirth and nursing without a single complaint. They have these picture-perfect husbands, never raise their voices at the kids, and somehow always look camera-ready for a magazine shoot. Mig: Honestly, people like that? Just hit the ignore button.☕
You’ll eventually have those moments where you sit there wondering why you even went through all this. There will be days when everything feels like it's falling apart—when you just want to run away from the chaos—but none of that will ever diminish how much you love your little one. It really does all work out in the end. For me, Tin was an absolute dream from the moment he was born.😍

🤣
They say you remember childbirth for the rest of your life—that specific moment when you finally hold your baby in your arms. For me, I think I’ll mostly remember the panic attacks during every single checkup, that overwhelming sense of confusion in the delivery room when the doctor told me the baby was already five centimeters dilated, and waking up to three nurses hovering over me, holding my legs up while staring right at my nether regions. Honestly, am I just supposed to be happy that he's finally out and born? 🤣 And whenever I get truly worked up, I’ll just keep telling them, "Just remember how it was when he was actually inside, just remember..." As for the guy, I still need to come up with a clever little recipe. 🤣

Keith Allen4 said:Nobody is judging me here—not even her—for what I said or how I handled things... It’s just completely incomprehensible to me, and honestly, I have every right to speak my mind. I say what I think to everyone, plain and simple. 😉

I wish you could at least write clearly if you're going to judge people for decisions that only affect them and their own lives. Honestly, this lack of literacy on your part is doing more damage to the universe than her pregnancy ever could—which, let's be real, even in the 21st century, for heaven's sake, can still be unplanned...

Roger Rodriguez said:So basically, my kid will be stupid too? 🙂 🙂 🙂
😬
I actually agree with what you're saying. Age isn't the deciding factor; if you aren't ready to be a parent at a certain age, then the number doesn't matter, though it can definitely impact your mood and behavior during and after Pregnancy.
I didn't plan on having a child either—I never even gave it much thought (I actually wanted to adopt since my family isn't exactly my cup of tea)—but now that it's happening, I realize I don't have the luxury of waiting for "motherly instincts" to magically appear; I have to force myself into it within a few months.
To be honest, I’m more stressed about everything that happens *after* the birth than the actual pregnancy itself. I can handle the nausea, the heartburn, the near-disability from sciatica, the blood pressure issues, the tears, the contractions, and the fears—that all passes eventually. But after the delivery, I won't get six months or a year of blissfully bonding with a baby and worrying about bottles and strollers; I'll have maybe two weeks to recover before I'm back at college studying. And then there's the constant worry about whether the nanny is actually reliable.
I'm not happy because I know that after the struggle of labor, I won't be heading home to enjoy time with my baby, but rather straight into more stress and constant separation.
And for the record, I'm still not buying into the myth that everything just snaps back to normal afterward. 🙂

SC, I don't know your specific situation or which school you're attending, but here in the US, maternity leave laws exist for a reason. Any decent university should accommodate you by law, just like any employer would. You're entitled to protected time off. Go talk to the Dean if the administration gives you any grief 🤷 call Bjeliš. Whatever. It's a legal right for any woman giving birth.
You need time to heal, physically and mentally, to find your footing again. And so does your baby. You don't need to try to be Vesna škare Ožbolt 😬
Besides, this is your first child. You're the one who decides your priorities. College isn't going anywhere; it'll still be sitting there exactly where you left it, while babies grow and change every single day. If you aren't there for those moments, it's incredibly hard to build that bond later.
I'm a total careerist myself, but I put my PhD on the back burner for now because, honestly... the degrees and fellowships will always be there. For now, the baby comes first. And yeah, mine was unplanned too 😁

As for the vagina thing, I don't know, but I'm crossing my fingers for you. 😁

Bradley Smith said:SC, I don't know your specific situation or which school you're attending, but here in the US, maternity leave laws exist for a reason. Any decent university should accommodate you by law, just like any employer would. You're entitled to protected time off. Go talk to the Dean if the administration gives you any grief 🤷 call Bjeliš. Whatever. It's a legal right for any woman giving birth.
You need time to heal, physically and mentally, to find your footing again. And so does your baby. You don't need to try to be Vesna škare Ožbolt 😬
Besides, this is your first child. You're the one who decides your priorities. College isn't going anywhere; it'll still be sitting there exactly where you left it, while babies grow and change every single day. If you aren't there for those moments, it's incredibly hard to build that bond later.
I'm a total careerist myself, but I put my PhD on the back burner for now because, honestly... the degrees and fellowships will always be there. For now, the baby comes first. And yeah, mine was unplanned too 😁

As for the vagina thing, I don't know, but I'm crossing my fingers for you. 😁

I'm really looking into academic leave right now, and it's such a shame you can't just pause a single semester; having to take a whole academic year off feels heavy. I'd love to avoid a long break because returning after a full year sounds daunting to me—it would be much easier to just "stay in the zone" without stopping entirely. But for now, I'm just asking questions; I'm not making any big plans. I learned my lesson once, and I won't be caught overplanning again. I'm just taking it day by day and seeing where life takes me. 😁
I'm hoping for the best too; there isn't much else we can do. 🤣

Keith Allen4 said:You actually admitted that you have to force yourself to feel those maternal instincts...
It’s sad that people like that exist—though, honestly, "sad" isn't even the right word—it's more that I find it completely incomprehensible... the idea that someone would ever have to manufacture an emotional connection regarding their own child 😲

oh my god, please🙄
to be totally honest, I’m just not a "motherly" type of person. Not even a little bit. Honestly, I’d much rather hang out with my cats than deal with tiny babies. I can't stand toddlers, and don't even get me started on teenagers.
But this little thing growing inside me? This is mine. I have no doubt there will be love at first sight, even if I haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that there's a living, breathing creature in there. Sometimes, after a long, exhausting day at the office, I actually feel a pang of guilt when I realize I didn't spend a single second thinking about the baby. It’s not like it just hits me automatically, you know?
Every now and then, the thought pops into my head and I'll just smile to myself while I'm cuddling my favorite seashell. 🙄

rustynomad12 said:Of course, I realized! 🙂))))
I don't know why, but this thread (this is my third time here, and I really have no intention of trolling or ruining anyone else's vibe by venting) feels... kind of heavy.
I mean, I totally get the discomforts, the issues, the bad days, the hormones... you name it. But when I think about the fact that there's a little squirrel in my belly that I'll probably lose sleep over and spend all my time worrying about... there isn't anything that could truly irritate me. A few things surprised me, sure, but nothing so intense that I need to vent about it on a thread where it feels like women are playing games about whether someone is allowed to touch their belly or not...
Sorry if that sounds blunt, I don't mean to be rude...
And Danicza, you're right... a lot of this comes down to a woman's maturity and the fact that she might have already handled her own stuff on her own... so it's not easy to shake her with just anything.

It's no biggie... for instance, when someone says to me in that annoying way, "Get some sleep, because you'll never get it again," I just snap back that I actually can't wait for that stage of life! Sleep was never my priority anyway, and like a few other people I know—I love waking up at 5 AM and making the most of the day instead of whining about life's responsibilities.

(And for the record—I'm not a huge kid person, nor am I a fan of kids in general... I can't even look at baby photos, let alone show them to my friends. I understand that some moms don't love their kids, their pregnancy, or motherhood. Just as I understand there are women who will never say, "WTF did I do with my life?" even when they' think it... Love for children isn't always "natural and automatic." It's a choice and a feeling. Thank goodness that if all women were honest about what they really feel toward kids, they'd probably raise them much more normally!)))

Amen to that.

And regarding the other thing, some women just get really hormonal and everything starts bothering them. Most of the time, I find that kind of stuff kind of funny, 😬
but then again, I've never been the physical type who craves touch or affection, and I generally avoid being touched by strangers too. I have this weird feeling that the baby has already curled up deep inside, right against my spine. 😬

Roger Rodriguez said:I'm really looking into academic leave right now, and it's such a shame you can't just pause a single semester; having to take a whole academic year off feels heavy. I'd love to avoid a long break because returning after a full year sounds daunting to me—it would be much easier to just "stay in the zone" without stopping entirely. But for now, I'm just asking questions; I'm not making any big plans. I learned my lesson once, and I won't be caught overplanning again. I'm just taking it day by day and seeing where life takes me. 😁
I'm hoping for the best too; there isn't much else we can do. 🤣

Oh, honey, you should really think twice about whether you'll regret missing that first year of baby milestones. You don't have to completely fall off the wagon, though—maybe you could prep for your exams at home ahead of time so things aren't so overwhelming later on. 🙂

Jesse Johnson15 said:oh my god, please🙄
to be totally honest, I’m just not a "motherly" type of person. Not even a little bit. Honestly, I’d much rather hang out with my cats than deal with tiny babies. I can't stand toddlers, and don't even get me started on teenagers.
But this little thing growing inside me? This is mine. I have no doubt there will be love at first sight, even if I haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that there's a living, breathing creature in there. Sometimes, after a long, exhausting day at the office, I actually feel a pang of guilt when I realize I didn't spend a single second thinking about the baby. It’s not like it just hits me automatically, you know?
Every now and then, the thought pops into my head and I'll just smile to myself while I'm cuddling my favorite seashell. 🙄

Amen to that.

And regarding the other thing, some women just get really hormonal and everything starts bothering them. Most of the time, I find that kind of stuff kind of funny, 😬
but then again, I've never been the physical type who craves touch or affection, and I generally avoid being touched by strangers too. I have this weird feeling that the baby has already curled up deep inside, right against my spine. 😬

Oh, honey, you should really think twice about whether you'll regret missing that first year of baby milestones. You don't have to completely fall off the wagon, though—maybe you could prep for your exams at home ahead of time so things aren't so overwhelming later on. 🙂

They say some babies respond to touch by either pulling away or starting to kick, right? 😁 Mine acts like a wild man whenever someone even thinks about touching my stomach! It feels like that’s when they go absolutely crazy, because when I’m alone and actually want them to signal me, they just stretch out aimlessly without really communicating with me at all. They seem much more active with other people—strangers, mostly—which is kind of annoying since that's when they show up the most. ☕

Oh honey, just make sure you don't end up regretting missing that first year of your baby's life. You don't have to completely derail your studies; maybe you could prep for your exams at home ahead of time so things are easier later on? 🙂

But if I were only on campus two or three days a week—and not even for long, since about 80% of my lectures involve just sketching—I’d simply take photos of the designs and finish them at home. If I truly had the chance to spend that much time at home without failing my college courses, wouldn't I take it? I'm not making any concrete plans, though; these are just wishes. I don't want to jinx anything!

Bradley Smith said:SC, I don't know your specific situation or which school you're attending, but here in the US, maternity leave laws exist for a reason. Any decent university should accommodate you by law, just like any employer would. You're entitled to protected time off. Go talk to the Dean if the administration gives you any grief 🤷 call Bjeliš. Whatever. It's a legal right for any woman giving birth.
You need time to heal, physically and mentally, to find your footing again. And so does your baby. You don't need to try to be Vesna škare Ožbolt 😬
Besides, this is your first child. You're the one who decides your priorities. College isn't going anywhere; it'll still be sitting there exactly where you left it, while babies grow and change every single day. If you aren't there for those moments, it's incredibly hard to build that bond later.
I'm a total careerist myself, but I put my PhD on the back burner for now because, honestly... the degrees and fellowships will always be there. For now, the baby comes first. And yeah, mine was unplanned too 😁

As for the vagina thing, I don't know, but I'm crossing my fingers for you. 😁

I also considered pursuing my PhD this year, but I’ve decided to push it back a year..
university isn't going anywhere..

And this whole discussion regarding planning children... I am truly speechless
I have already encountered several instances where women act genuinely bewildered that someone could "accidentally" have a child at age 21
When I see that attitude, I immediately imagine some caricature of a woman who schedules sex with her husband—not a boyfriend, because in her worldview, sex occurs strictly within marriage—with clinical precision, like Wednesday at 8:30 PM

I have developed the impression that for many couples, the first child is unplanned simply because there is never a "perfect" moment to have one. First, they must finish school, then they decide to move in together, then they buy a car, then they aim to purchase a house or a condo... and they never quite have "enough" money

Jesse Johnson15 said:oh my god, please🙄
to be totally honest, I’m just not a "motherly" type of person. Not even a little bit. Honestly, I’d much rather hang out with my cats than deal with tiny babies. I can't stand toddlers, and don't even get me started on teenagers.
But this little thing growing inside me? This is mine. I have no doubt there will be love at first sight, even if I haven't quite wrapped my head around the fact that there's a living, breathing creature in there. Sometimes, after a long, exhausting day at the office, I actually feel a pang of guilt when I realize I didn't spend a single second thinking about the baby. It’s not like it just hits me automatically, you know?
Every now and then, the thought pops into my head and I'll just smile to myself while I'm cuddling my favorite seashell. 🙄

Amen to that.

And regarding the other thing, some women just get really hormonal and everything starts bothering them. Most of the time, I find that kind of stuff kind of funny, 😬
but then again, I've never been the physical type who craves touch or affection, and I generally avoid being touched by strangers too. I have this weird feeling that the baby has already curled up deep inside, right against my spine. 😬

Oh, honey, you should really think twice about whether you'll regret missing that first year of baby milestones. You don't have to completely fall off the wagon, though—maybe you could prep for your exams at home ahead of time so things aren't so overwhelming later on. 🙂

Until I actually began to feel the baby moving, I mostly "forgot" I was pregnant.
(I didn't suffer from morning sickness—which I know is usually the primary reminder for most expectant mothers)
As the movements become more frequent, so does my focus on him; I talk to him and so on. I already know I love him more than anything in the world, but when I finally see him, it will be definitive—as you said, love at first sight

Recently, a friend told me that I don't exactly strike her as the "baby type." I wasn't offended or insulted, as most people would predictably be; I simply found it absurd

I have come to realize how much I despise these assumptions made about pregnant women.
To start with—the nausea.
Everyone, without exception, asks if the vomiting has stopped—and I find myself repeating like a parrot that I never had any, which leads them to look at me with such confusion, blah blah blah
Next—weight gain.
I don't believe others are concerned about my weight; rather, they seem to enjoy commenting on it, as if my pounds are somehow contagious
Then, the ultimate question of all: "Was this planned or...?"
Why does it matter? And why is it any of your business?
Whenever I have a nervous breakdown, everyone assumes it's due to the pregnancy. I wouldn't go that far, as I had breakdowns long before this, but now I am being careful because I know I shouldn't let myself get worked up for the sake of the baby..

Furthermore, there is an aspect of this discourse that truly grates on my nerves... the incessant bickering among expectant mothers regarding who will be the "better" parent, or who will harbor a deeper affection for their child, and so on and so forth. In my estimation, this performative competition is perhaps the most egregious element of the entire ordeal.
I suppose one could argue that engaging in endless debates on internet forums is the most effective way to demonstrate one's devotion to their offspring.

Ronald Chase17 said:I also considered pursuing my PhD this year, but I’ve decided to push it back a year..
university isn't going anywhere..

And this whole discussion regarding planning children... I am truly speechless
I have already encountered several instances where women act genuinely bewildered that someone could "accidentally" have a child at age 21
When I see that attitude, I immediately imagine some caricature of a woman who schedules sex with her husband—not a boyfriend, because in her worldview, sex occurs strictly within marriage—with clinical precision, like Wednesday at 8:30 PM

I have developed the impression that for many couples, the first child is unplanned simply because there is never a "perfect" moment to have one. First, they must finish school, then they decide to move in together, then they buy a car, then they aim to purchase a house or a condo... and they never quite have "enough" money

Until I actually began to feel the baby moving, I mostly "forgot" I was pregnant.
(I didn't suffer from morning sickness—which I know is usually the primary reminder for most expectant mothers)
As the movements become more frequent, so does my focus on him; I talk to him and so on. I already know I love him more than anything in the world, but when I finally see him, it will be definitive—as you said, love at first sight

Recently, a friend told me that I don't exactly strike her as the "baby type." I wasn't offended or insulted, as most people would predictably be; I simply found it absurd

I have come to realize how much I despise these assumptions made about pregnant women.
To start with—the nausea.
Everyone, without exception, asks if the vomiting has stopped—and I find myself repeating like a parrot that I never had any, which leads them to look at me with such confusion, blah blah blah
Next—weight gain.
I don't believe others are concerned about my weight; rather, they seem to enjoy commenting on it, as if my pounds are somehow contagious
Then, the ultimate question of all: "Was this planned or...?"
Why does it matter? And why is it any of your business?
Whenever I have a nervous breakdown, everyone assumes it's due to the pregnancy. I wouldn't go that far, as I had breakdowns long before this, but now I am being careful because I know I shouldn't let myself get worked up for the sake of the baby..

Furthermore, there is an aspect of this discourse that truly grates on my nerves... the incessant bickering among expectant mothers regarding who will be the "better" parent, or who will harbor a deeper affection for their child, and so on and so forth. In my estimation, this performative competition is perhaps the most egregious element of the entire ordeal.
I suppose one could argue that engaging in endless debates on internet forums is the most effective way to demonstrate one's devotion to their offspring.

Honestly, I don't get how anyone can be surprised when a baby "happens" if they're being intimate without proper contraception—which, let's be real, is readily available everywhere in America in the 21st century.
Between condoms and hormonal options, there are plenty of ways to handle it.

The "pull out" method isn't actual birth control; it's a total delusion.

It's the same story with people failing to check if a condom actually held up after sex, or just generally being careless about using protection correctly and consistently.
Most of these mishaps come down to the human factor—but those who engage in unprotected sex and then complain about an unplanned pregnancy? Yeah, they’re just irresponsible. It’s not a mystery; it happens all over the place.

And no, you don't prevent a pregnancy by scheduling your marital duties for 8:30 PM; you do it with reliable contraception, which—by the way—allows you to be spontaneous whenever the mood strikes.

In fact, most women I know who have active sex lives but aren't looking to start a family are extremely diligent about using birth control.
On the flip side, those who wait until marriage often view contraception as a sin, so if they end up surprised... well, fine. Or not, if they were only ever doing it for procreation anyway. 😛

silverraven14 said:Honestly, I don't get how anyone can be surprised when a baby "happens" if they're being intimate without proper contraception—which, let's be real, is readily available everywhere in America in the 21st century.
Between condoms and hormonal options, there are plenty of ways to handle it.

The "pull out" method isn't actual birth control; it's a total delusion.

It's the same story with people failing to check if a condom actually held up after sex, or just generally being careless about using protection correctly and consistently.
Most of these mishaps come down to the human factor—but those who engage in unprotected sex and then complain about an unplanned pregnancy? Yeah, they’re just irresponsible. It’s not a mystery; it happens all over the place.

And no, you don't prevent a pregnancy by scheduling your marital duties for 8:30 PM; you do it with reliable contraception, which—by the way—allows you to be spontaneous whenever the mood strikes.

In fact, most women I know who have active sex lives but aren't looking to start a family are extremely diligent about using birth control.
On the flip side, those who wait until marriage often view contraception as a sin, so if they end up surprised... well, fine. Or not, if they were only ever doing it for procreation anyway. 😛

I wouldn't say that every pregnant woman who has an "unexpected" pregnancy complains.
Based on your logic, there are only two types of pregnant women: those planning a pregnancy who are now happy, or those complaining because they were irresponsible and failed to use contraception.

I believe there is a significant distinction between the "fear" of pregnancy experienced by someone who frequently changes partners versus someone in a long-term relationship who approaches contraception—whether panicky or composed—in accordance with that fear.
There are actually far more variables involved in how one approaches this.

The bolded part clearly describes a state of panic regarding pregnancy.

It strikes me as somewhat odd to receive advice from someone who states:

silverraven14 said:Honestly, I don't get how anyone can be surprised when a baby "happens" if they're being intimate without proper contraception—which, let's be real, is readily available everywhere in America in the 21st century.
Between condoms and hormonal options, there are plenty of ways to handle it.

The "pull out" method isn't actual birth control; it's a total delusion.

It's the same story with people failing to check if a condom actually held up after sex, or just generally being careless about using protection correctly and consistently.
Most of these mishaps come down to the human factor—but those who engage in unprotected sex and then complain about an unplanned pregnancy? Yeah, they’re just irresponsible. It’s not a mystery; it happens all over the place.

And no, you don't prevent a pregnancy by scheduling your marital duties for 8:30 PM; you do it with reliable contraception, which—by the way—allows you to be spontaneous whenever the mood strikes.

In fact, most women I know who have active sex lives but aren't looking to start a family are extremely diligent about using birth control.
On the flip side, those who wait until marriage often view contraception as a sin, so if they end up surprised... well, fine. Or not, if they were only ever doing it for procreation anyway. 😛

or someone who views everything in such black-and-white terms.

Not everyone has access to every type of contraception—in my case, I cannot use either of the major categories you listed. That significantly limits availability regardless of how many options exist on paper.

And yes, a pregnancy "happened" to me, and while I was surprised initially, I did not "wonder" or "complain" in the manner you suggest I should have.
Quite the opposite, actually; both my partner and I are overjoyed, and we are currently adjusting to the situation to ensure everything is ready for our little one.

Ronald Chase17 said:I wouldn't say that every pregnant woman who has an "unexpected" pregnancy complains.
Based on your logic, there are only two types of pregnant women: those planning a pregnancy who are now happy, or those complaining because they were irresponsible and failed to use contraception.

I believe there is a significant distinction between the "fear" of pregnancy experienced by someone who frequently changes partners versus someone in a long-term relationship who approaches contraception—whether panicky or composed—in accordance with that fear.
There are actually far more variables involved in how one approaches this.

The bolded part clearly describes a state of panic regarding pregnancy.

It strikes me as somewhat odd to receive advice from someone who states:

or someone who views everything in such black-and-white terms.

Not everyone has access to every type of contraception—in my case, I cannot use either of the major categories you listed. That significantly limits availability regardless of how many options exist on paper.

And yes, a pregnancy "happened" to me, and while I was surprised initially, I did not "wonder" or "complain" in the manner you suggest I should have.
Quite the opposite, actually; both my partner and I are overjoyed, and we are currently adjusting to the situation to ensure everything is ready for our little one.

👍

Back to the topic: suddenly a bunch of nosy, incredibly primitive assholes have shown up, reacting in the dumbest ways possible to the news that we're expecting another (actually our second) girl. A girl that all three of us (plus family) are beyond excited about.😍

The reactions clearly stem from the assumption that we were specifically trying for a boy, or that gender is even a priority in how we approach having kids.
We've heard it all, from: "Well, you can always have more" to: "As long as they're healthy..."—just a mountain of similar nonsense. My favorite was being told that my husband is definitely going to go wild trying for an heir now (as if there's anything he could leave behind that our girls won't, and maybe they don't realize you can keep a maiden name these days anyway)🤷

I don't know, my first instinct is purely destructive, but since arguing with idiots is pointless, I usually just stick to: "But we were REALLY rooting for a girl. We wouldn't have wanted a son at all."

That's the only language people with zero intellect actually understand.☕

Ronald Chase17 said:I wouldn't say that every pregnant woman who has an "unexpected" pregnancy complains.
Based on your logic, there are only two types of pregnant women: those planning a pregnancy who are now happy, or those complaining because they were irresponsible and failed to use contraception.

I believe there is a significant distinction between the "fear" of pregnancy experienced by someone who frequently changes partners versus someone in a long-term relationship who approaches contraception—whether panicky or composed—in accordance with that fear.
There are actually far more variables involved in how one approaches this.

The bolded part clearly describes a state of panic regarding pregnancy.

It strikes me as somewhat odd to receive advice from someone who states:

or someone who views everything in such black-and-white terms.

Not everyone has access to every type of contraception—in my case, I cannot use either of the major categories you listed. That significantly limits availability regardless of how many options exist on paper.

And yes, a pregnancy "happened" to me, and while I was surprised initially, I did not "wonder" or "complain" in the manner you suggest I should have.
Quite the opposite, actually; both my partner and I are overjoyed, and we are currently adjusting to the situation to ensure everything is ready for our little one.

No, you missed my point entirely. I was specifically referring to one particular group:
IF people whine after unprotected sex and try to play it off by saying it just "happened" (an unplanned pregnancy), then yes—they are being irresponsible and immature.

The ones who meticulously plan when to have a child fall into a different category—though if you look closely, there are a few others who also plan things out.

3) Then there are those who consciously choose not to use protection and aren't shocked out of their minds when they end up pregnant. Sure, maybe the timing isn't ideal—it’s not like they sat down to draft a detailed astrological forecast for their future child—but they take responsibility for their actions. They know that "you reap what you sow."
So, these are the people who are fine with kids, even if they didn't launch the whole "baby project" with a list of technical specifications. The timing might catch them off guard, but the actual fact of getting pregnant certainly won't.

4) And then there are those who absolutely DO NOT want children, and they actually put in the effort to prevent it. There is a massive array of contraception available—I don't even want to start listing them all. A local Planned Parenthood can give you a full rundown.
The point is—if you DON'T want it, you’re going to do your homework, learn the statistics for various methods, and accept the inherent risks. In my view, these people have every right to say it happened unexpectedly, because they genuinely tried to prevent it—even if it was due to misinformation or someone missing an appointment... and so on.
However, I haven't heard people in this group whining if it does happen. Honestly, they were already aware of the risks—that birth control can fail, or that they might slip up during the process. When it happens, they just deal with the reality of it. It might be unexpected, but they knew the possibility existed if they were having sex, right?

By the way, checking a condom after sex is considered proper usage; it's literally written in the instructions on every single box.

But I wasn't talking about people who take responsibility, because, frankly, I haven't heard them whining or acting completely bewildered about how a pregnancy could possibly occur. I ran into people whose method failed, or who chose not to protect themselves.

That sense of shock and using the excuse that it "just happened" as a way to dodge accountability—I've only ever heard that from people who live by the "not me" philosophy. There's even a special sub-category of that: "Oh, he'll pull out before he finishes..." And then, when it's time, she brings up an abortion with the same casual tone someone uses when they're heading to a manicure because a nail chipped... and then, well, you get the idea.

And yes, that is irresponsible.
Everything else is either planned or involves taking ownership of one's own choices.

Actually, I'm throwing those who fake using contraception into Type 1—people who don't follow directions and simply don't care. So you have sex without a condom, then pop one on only when the guy feels like he's getting close; or someone takes their pill at random times, skipping days whenever they feel like it, or pulling out their NuvaRing five hours early (because they were out until 2 AM) and stuff like that.
For some, it's just a performance to sell themselves better: "Oh yeah, I take the pill, don't worry about it..." Give me a break.

Some details aren't explicitly stated in every instruction manual (like how you shouldn't take St. John's Wort orally if you're on hormonal contraceptives), but failing to follow basic instructions is just as irresponsible as not using birth control at all—especially when you don't want a kid.

And yeah, my pregnancy was a bit of a "surprise" too—I definitely wasn't expecting it at first—but I didn't sit around "acting shocked" or "playing the victim" like you seem to think I should have
. In fact, it was the exact opposite; my partner and I are absolutely over the moon, and we’re currently busy figuring out how to navigate this whole new reality and get everything ready for our little one.

I think it's clearer now: I don't believe there's any point in whining if you're fully aware of the consequences and you own them. So, if I'm reading you right, you fall into type 3 or 4 according to this 'classification' of yours...

Personally, only type 1 really gets under my skin—those people who play the martyr against "the system"... acting like everyone else is somehow to blame for their own lack of responsibility.

To put it bluntly—you've got the irresponsible ones who aren't looking for kids, and then you have the responsible ones who plan their lives in various ways (whether they want kids ASAP, not right now, or not at all...). In that sense, there are two main groups, though the "responsible" group has way more subcategories; I was just focusing on the first lot earlier 😉

It honestly fascinates me how quickly things happen for those who aren't trying and aren't careful, yet it can take an eternity for those who genuinely want a baby and are doing everything right... 😢

Speaking of gender, I really don't get all this drama from certain women (mentally speaking), or those patronizing "comforting" phrases like "it'll be different next time" or "as long as they're healthy," unless it's a boy first.

My dad really wanted a girl, while my mom couldn't have cared less. When I was born, he was practically jumping for joy, hugging my sister who gave him the news. Back then, people actually thought he was being ridiculous because, apparently, who celebrates having a baby girl...
I wouldn't say I'm indifferent, though; I have a feeling I might find it easier to relate to a daughter if she takes after me—since that's familiar territory—but if it's a boy, I'm totally fine with that too. It’s going to be an adventure regardless of what's under the hood...

My conclusion? I don't want to know the sex until the baby is actually here. Since I'm not a fan of all these pink-vs-blue divisions anyway, I don't see how knowing early would change anything for me, pretty much until puberty hits 🤔
And if it doesn't matter to me, then why are other people sticking their noses where they don't belong? And all that belly rubbing... yikes.

I’ve always hated birth control pills and never touched them. My go-to method has always been pulling out, and honestly, it hasn't failed me once in 15 years. 🤣

It just hit me how much it used to drive me crazy during the early stages of my pregnancy. Everyone was constantly acting shocked that *I* was the one pregnant. Like, really? As if it couldn't be me. I know I'm not Doris Day, but seriously... 🙄
That phase passed quickly, though. Now, everyone is telling me how great my baby bump looks. 😁

ironpuma78 said:👍

Back to the topic: suddenly a bunch of nosy, incredibly primitive assholes have shown up, reacting in the dumbest ways possible to the news that we're expecting another (actually our second) girl. A girl that all three of us (plus family) are beyond excited about.😍

The reactions clearly stem from the assumption that we were specifically trying for a boy, or that gender is even a priority in how we approach having kids.
We've heard it all, from: "Well, you can always have more" to: "As long as they're healthy..."—just a mountain of similar nonsense. My favorite was being told that my husband is definitely going to go wild trying for an heir now (as if there's anything he could leave behind that our girls won't, and maybe they don't realize you can keep a maiden name these days anyway)🤷

I don't know, my first instinct is purely destructive, but since arguing with idiots is pointless, I usually just stick to: "But we were REALLY rooting for a girl. We wouldn't have wanted a son at all."

That's the only language people with zero intellect actually understand.☕

I'm also dealing with that "second pregnancy" thing; I already have a daughter at home, so naturally, everyone thinks all the "evidence" points to a boy. 🤣🤣🤣From the shape of my bump to the morning sickness, and don't even get me started on the heartburn—it's driving me absolutely insane.

driftingcrane83 said:I’ve always hated birth control pills and never touched them. My go-to method has always been pulling out, and honestly, it hasn't failed me once in 15 years. 🤣

It just hit me how much it used to drive me crazy during the early stages of my pregnancy. Everyone was constantly acting shocked that *I* was the one pregnant. Like, really? As if it couldn't be me. I know I'm not Doris Day, but seriously... 🙄
That phase passed quickly, though. Now, everyone is telling me how great my baby bump looks. 😁

We used to rely on withdrawal too, but after my boyfriend proved more than once that he has zero self-control, 🙂 we switched to condoms.
I also tried the pill for three years before moving on to patches, and I am never going back to those little tablets. 🙂
And yeah, that constant disbelief really gets under my skin, especially when it comes from my closest girlfriends. It’s like, out of our entire group, nobody expected me to be the first one—how is that even possible? What is wrong with the universe? They acted the exact same way when I told them I got engaged; they actually laughed at me! 😢

Out of all the physical symptoms, the one that caught me totally off guard—and honestly, what irritates me the most, even now at 20 weeks (so I'm basically halfway through this)—is the constant, stupid nausea. Specifically, it's the smell sensitivity. It’s not just any smell, though. It’s specific.😁

- Perfumes, deodorants, hair gels, lotions, creams... even Crest toothpaste. I’ve switched to using some super neutral body wash, baby oil, and a basic stretch mark cream just to cope. (And oh my god, if I’m on a bus and some woman walks by with a sandwich or something? Pure misery.)

- After a few times where I actually gagged at the scent of Crest—just putting the toothbrush in my mouth after week 10 sent me over the edge. I thought I had dodged the actual vomiting phase, but maybe that's only because I've been hyper-vigilant about avoiding those specific triggers.
I even went as far as washing my teeth with kid-friendly toothpaste, and I swear, I practically forced my husband to use it with me for a while too. 🤣

- Hot food? Forget about it. Absolutely revolting. Same goes for hot drinks.
(I’ve been living off sparkling water because it’s the only thing my stomach can handle, and I barely even drink soda normally—maybe two or three times a year, or an occasional Perrier during the week.)

- As for coffee, I dropped it entirely around week 2 once I found out I was pregnant. Now, the smell of it is just "lovely," isn't it? 🙄

- And don't even get me started on fabric softeners. There is zero of that stuff in my laundry anymore. I actually told my mom she wasn't allowed to wash anything with it for a while, and I told her never to buy that brand again even after the pregnancy is over. I am officially done with it. There were even times in the middle of summer where I'd catch the scent of clean, fresh-air laundry and just feel nauseous.

- Oh, and cigarettes. If I pass someone smoking outside, I have to physically wave the air away from my face just to survive the smell.

On the mental side:

- The way I get so incredibly sad and burst into tears over the smallest, most insignificant things is just unbelievable.

- I am definitely not one of those "glowingly happy" pregnant women, and I feel guilty about it. I have a million other things to deal with right now, and sometimes it feels like the people around me just don't get it. (Look, the baby was unplanned in the sense that we wanted it a few months later, and in our wildest dreams, we didn't think we'd succeed on the first try—so I don't regret the timing.) I just feel bad that I can't be happier or more relaxed, both for myself and for the baby.

I'm sure I'll think of more stuff later.

I’ve got just two days left until my due date, and honestly, my stomach is huge, my back is killing me, and I feel like I’m constantly running to the restroom, BUT...

1. Whether I’m at the grocery store, Walmart, CVS, or the post office—everywhere, really—there isn't a soul who would think to let me skip ahead in line!🙂

Every single day, I find myself standing in the checkout line with just a few items, while the person in front of me has a cart overflowing with groceries. They often turn around several times and just stare at my belly like it’s some kind of strange phenomenon, but letting me go first? No way!!
The cashiers never cut me ahead either, even when they see me waiting there.
People truly lack empathy; they just don't seem to care about anyone else.
I’m not sure if the big supermarkets in Chicago have dedicated lanes for pregnant women or people with disabilities, but here in my town, they definitely don't!

There was one single time when I was actually allowed to go ahead of others at the local precinct. I was there to pick up my new ID, and I had priority because there was a notice taped to the glass stating that pregnant women and people with disabilities get precedence.

2. Most drivers (with very few exceptions) in my area (central California) are—to put it politely—absolutely unrefined!

Right by my building entrance, there’s a crosswalk without a traffic light where I end up waiting for several minutes every time I try to cross the street. God forbid someone actually stops their car at the crosswalk to let me pass! So, I always wait until the entire line of cars clears out, ensuring the road is completely empty so I can cross in peace.

On top of that, I often find that just as I finally feel safe crossing the street, some idiot will speed right past me, cutting me off while I'm literally in the middle of the crosswalk!😠
Not to mention the constant fear that someone might eventually run me over.😢

now I've vented a little bit!

I usually just walk up to the front of the line and ask, "Excuse me, may I please...?"
It’s the same thing at the police station, Target, or the post office.
Up until about a month ago (I'm 38 weeks and 5 days now), I wouldn't have dared, but lately, I definitely do.
My feet are just killing me.

When I'm on the bus, most people don't even notice me, so I'm lucky I don't ride it much.
Earlier this summer, I actually gave up my seat for another pregnant woman who looked like she was in labor any second; she was so swollen and you could just tell how much she was struggling.
Then a lady actually stood up for me, maybe because she felt awkward.

And I can't help but wonder what's ahead for us.😁
People really don't seem to react much when they see moms with little ones.

Today’s the day. And after EVERYTHING (and I mean literally every single symptom and struggle a pregnant woman can endure), I finally snapped. Like a dry twig. I honestly feel like I’m never actually going to give birth—like this misery is just an endless loop. After all that initial happiness and excitement, now? It's nothing but pure frustration. For days now, it's been this constant stinging, aching, stretching sensation. But it’s more than that—it’s real pain. My back is absolutely killing me. I can barely take two steps. It's exhausting. Unbelievable. I’ve spent days just rolling around my bed because the pain makes it impossible to do anything else. I'm miserable. And I don't know how to fix it. I HATE feeling this way—mostly because my headspace is a total wreck right now. I just want my body back. And honestly, my own attitude is starting to grate on me because being pissed off isn't helping anyone.

Ryan Cruz4 said:I'm also dealing with that "second pregnancy" thing; I already have a daughter at home, so naturally, everyone thinks all the "evidence" points to a boy. 🤣🤣🤣From the shape of my bump to the morning sickness, and don't even get me started on the heartburn—it's driving me absolutely insane.

Oh, tell me about it. Measuring the bump, commenting on the shape, guessing the gender based on it... ugh.🙄

Honestly, I should've just played along better since nobody even asked us the gender, just to avoid the teasing. For those most annoying, nosy people? We should just start a betting pool on the baby's sex and collect the cash through some "neutral" third party.😛