Posts by Gary Nguyen45

rowdypanther12 said:But things work differently where you are, right? School runs in the morning and ends by the afternoon, so parents in the US don't really have any other choice but to leave their kids home alone once they're out.
Technically, it isn't illegal; you can't leave a preschooler home alone, but once they're old enough for school, it's allowed.

School typically runs from about 8:45 AM until 3:00 PM. It’s rare that anyone working a standard job can make it by 3:00. For elementary students, there are after-school clubs and similar programs that people actually use.
I get it; honestly, it's hard for me to imagine my daughter being left home all afternoon just a year from now! I know we had it different—even though I wasn't six yet, we had this retired neighbor who would look after us in the mornings or afternoons.

rowdypanther12 said:You have to laugh, honestly, because if you don't have any extra cash lying around, you'll end up stepping on someone else just to get by.

Look, I get that it's sometimes necessary, but if I actually went through with that and someone reported me to Child Protective Services, I’d be in serious trouble.

Brian Barnes5 said:I’m keeping a close eye on this whole discussion and checking back on this thread constantly because I really want to stay in the loop.
Just one mom reached out with a pretty vague reason for wanting to hold her kid back.

Personally, my biggest worry is how things like emotional maturity and social skills might play out later on. I keep telling myself that delaying school shouldn't be some massive mistake since he won't be "behind" anyone else—it's not like there's a race. It could honestly just make his life easier, and I can't see it making things harder unless it messes with his ability to handle classroom dynamics, take on responsibilities, or manage being home alone for five hours at a time since we don't have an after-school program. He’s already totally mastered the curriculum, though.
Later this month, I've got a sit-down scheduled with our preschool speech therapist, the child psychologist, and his teachers. I’m definitely going to follow whatever they suggest, no questions asked.

I don't really have any questions right now. I was just venting about how frustrating it is that some doctor over at the school health clinic gets to have the final say without even meeting the kid. It’s wild how they can just override the professional recommendations from the preschool team and the parents' requests like it's nothing.

How can you even suggest this? Have you ever actually raised a six, seven, or eight-year-old?

Rebecca Clark6 said:Looking at my friends' kids, it’s pretty clear that first graders are dealing with an incredibly demanding curriculum these days. It seems especially tough for those in full-day programs, because if they aren't finishing their assignments at school, they end up coming home around 4:30 or 5:00 PM and having to tackle all that homework right after a quick break.

It makes you wonder, though—what exactly are they doing during all those extra hours there?

I honestly don't get this obsession with academic pressure and constant testing, especially when it's pushed onto kids who are already more than ready. If I recall correctly—though my memory isn't perfect—back in elementary school, I had plenty of downtime outside of class for playing, reading, and just being a kid. To be blunt, my extracurriculars actually took up way more of my life than actual schoolwork; I spent significantly more hours practicing my instrument than I did grinding through homework. And it wasn't just me, either. Most of us spent our afternoons hanging out with friends, walking around, or listening to music—just typical kid stuff. It feels surreal that the school system has shifted so drastically over the years. I mean, what exactly are we trying to achieve here?

I also completely agree with the point about how much a parent's perspective shapes a child's attitude. In the US, things work quite differently regarding enrollment and organization, but there’s still this general sense that starting school is a major milestone that the whole family celebrates—it's supposed to be a place for five-year-olds to enjoy themselves. They should feel happy there. We actually had to pull my daughter out after four months because I was on a sabbatical in a country where kids start school much later (plus, the language barrier was a real issue). She’s in an international preschool now, which is fantastic, but she truly misses her old school.

casualmoose14 said:Honestly, I was going through the absolute worst period of my life—mentally and physically.
I practically crawled home feeling completely dead inside, wanting nothing more than to sleep and be left alone by everyone... I felt absolutely zero connection to my baby.
I won't sugarcoat it... it was anything but a fairy tale for me.
I felt disgusting, bloated, and just plain ugly... plus, the mental fog was so heavythat even basic things like walking, sitting, or lying down were struggles. You can imagine how little I cared about eating... bless my mother.🙏

What you’re describing sounds exactly like postpartum depression.
I am so sorry you had to go through that.

casualmoose14 said:Good grief, if she isn't telling the truth, I've never felt worse... when I first got home from the hospital, I couldn't even hold my head up straight because of the epidural; the vertigo was just unreal. My mom actually had to talk me into eating a single bowl of soup one day.
After about fifteen days, my stomach had shrunk so much that even four spoonfuls of soup felt like too much. I was basically living on pills... one for the headache, one for my back, and one for hemorrhoids!

I am so sorry you had to go through that, though I suspect it’s actually the exact opposite for most new moms.

Both times leading up to labor, my appetite was nonexistent, but after giving birth (both times, I felt fantastic!), I ate like a horse—actually, more like two horses.

Looking back, my mother-in-law would bring over fruit pie, and I’d polish off half the plate all by myself while watching TV. I assume that hunger is logical; you're establishing lactation and need the fuel, but beyond losing the baby's weight, the placenta, and the amniotic fluid, it took me several months to get back to normal.

For me, those first few weeks were actually wonderful memories. I'd just sit on the sofa with the baby nursing or sleeping (both of mine latched perfectly from day one), watching shows, reading, and eating... and eating... and eating... 😁

Kimberly Rodriguez51 said:👍
I’ve cut back on running significantly because shin splints have been a real pain. 🙄
Now, I’ve actually stopped entirely to focus on Insanity. 🙂

Generally speaking, home workouts are incredibly practical for young moms. You can't really rely on excuses like I just don't have the time, or it isn't convenient enough and so on.
There is an endless variety out there—Insanity, Focus, P90X, Zumba, Jillian Michaels...
There are also daily HIIT sessions on YouTube; those ten-minute routines are something anyone can realistically squeeze into their daily schedule.
One of my colleagues has a little one who isn't even a year and a half old yet, and she was working out through almost her entire postpartum period and still keeps it up today.

Then there are the phone apps. I personally use a seven-minute workout app—it's a cycle you can repeat two or three times, and once I get bored of it, I just switch to something else.

Kimberly Rodriguez51 said:If you want to feel better overall—both physically and mentally—I can’t recommend physical activity enough.👍
I started sticking to a disciplined routine about two years ago, I’m still going strong, and I have no intention of stopping.🙂

I couldn't agree more.
I don't see myself ever training for races like you or many of my friends do, but whether it's running, swimming, or yoga—whatever works for you—it's transformative. It does wonders for your physique and your health, but more importantly, for your mood.

silentraven6 said:I am literally falling apart...

Every single month brings something new. Joint pain, dental issues, thyroid problems, water retention, candidiasis, recurring E. coli, skin flare-ups, bone aches—even my hair is coming out in huge clumps. My immune system is basically non-existent...

+ Does anyone else have pain at the site of their epidural injection? It’s absolutely wrecking me...

I've finished breastfeeding, I'm doing judo now, and I'm just hoping for some recovery.

Oh, and magnesium, calcium, iron... none of it helps.

Honestly, vitamins and supplements are mostly useless.
What you actually need is rest, time for yourself, physical activity, and good food that you can actually sit down and enjoy in peace.😁

In my case, I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism between my first and second child (my oldest is now 4 years and 7 months, and my youngest is 18 months), though I'm convinced it actually started much earlier and just went undiagnosed.

Other than that, I'm doing well (and I am an older mom), and I feel even better since I started running and boxing about four months ago. That actually motivated me to clean up my diet—it was never bad to begin with, but I've cut back on sweets significantly. I've lost a few pounds, I'm in better shape, and most importantly, it's finally time dedicated solely to me. I feel almost like my pre-kid self again, provided the little one starts sleeping properly...

It seems to me that there are two fundamentally different philosophies when it comes to education:

- School is a structured environment with rigid requirements and set rules, and children enter only once they are deemed capable of meeting those standards. Some might start at six, others at seven or even later. This feels like the standard approach here in the States.

OR
- School is a space designed specifically for children starting at a certain age—say, five or six—and the curriculum is tailored to the developmental needs and abilities of the average child that age. During that first year, educators assess whether the child should stay in that introductory stage a bit longer or move forward. From what I can gather (though I haven't experienced it firsthand), this is how schools work over in New Zealand.

I honestly can't say which model is superior. 🤷

Richard Morris43 said:Look, he’s not exactly "independent" yet—I mean, the kid can barely tie his own shoelaces, but let’s be real, how many first graders actually know how to do that? He comes home from preschool constantly with his undershirt untucked and his nose a total mess because he hasn't mastered the art of using a tissue.

I’m honestly not against holding him back, truly. I weigh everything so carefully. On one hand, you’ve got the school experts and the preschool teachers all saying he’s totally ready to go, but then you’ve got the other parents—the ones who’ve been through this loop before—telling me that waiting a year is the smarter move. It’s such a headache because they’re drowning these kids in coursework; these kids are basically glued to their books from the second they walk into class until they get home. It’s like they’re studying for a PhD instead of just trying to learn how to read.

It’s kind of mind-blowing to me, honestly, especially since all I ever hear are horror stories about how intense the curriculum is. There have even been moments where I’ve seriously considered skipping the whole school thing entirely and just fleeing into the wilderness.😳🤣

In his current preschool, he’ll have a few buddies staying behind this year, while his absolute best friend is heading off to elementary school.
The preschool itself is absolutely packed, which is why he’s so reluctant to go there—most of the kids feel the same way. It’s a double-edged sword, really; it’s a literal battle just to find a square inch of personal space.
And man, would it be beyond stupid to try and pull him out and enroll him in a different preschool right now...

Hold on, what has changed so drastically regarding the curriculum for grades K through 4? 😕What a black doctorate?
I haven't heard anything like this from my friends back in the States. Kids go to school just like they always have; some excel, some struggle, some love it, and some don't. People also tend to turn everything into a massive drama.

If his friends are going, he should go. What is he supposed to do in preschool all day?

Around here, kids typically start at age five. That "Year 0" concept is definitely different from how we handle kindergarten in America, given how young those little kids are. We’ll likely enroll him a few weeks early to align with the start of the semester, provided there aren't any issues, so he can stay with his peer group, who are mostly just 3-6 months older than him.

Peter Turner6 said:That's awful! I can't stand people gossiping about someone else's private life. It never even crossed my mind to go around talking about others...

Another thing that drives me nuts is my mother-in-law buying baby clothes and gear left and right. I’m only 25 weeks pregnant and I want my husband and me to pick out at least the first few things ourselves. We haven't even started shopping yet, and she's been on a spree for over a month now. 😕 It's our first child, and look, I don't mind her helping out, but give me a break. If she keeps this up, we're going to be drowning in stuff we didn't even pick out. She doesn't even ask what we like! She's just throwing money away. If we don't like it, we aren't putting it on the baby. It just feels unfair. I don't know if I'm overreacting or how to handle this, but I really want to choose things ourselves at least for the start.😕

I don't think you're overreacting—to me, it seems perfectly reasonable for close family to ask what would actually be helpful to buy.
On the flip side, I get that she finds joy in the shopping part. My mother-in-law has three sons, and since ours is the first (and her first and currently only grandchild), it's a girl, and for a while, she was completely out of control with the baby clothes. In the beginning, there was everything under the sun—stuff I didn't even like (she has plenty of money and travels a lot, but my taste is much more low-key than hers) and half of it wasn't even practical. Eventually, I sat her down and told her what I liked and what I didn't, and now she buys great, high-quality things that the baby actually enjoys wearing and that make sense for daily life.

As for sitting her down and explaining that you want to pick out certain items, but wouldn't mind if she handled something else (like nursery bedding or decor...), maybe you could suggest a joint shopping trip? That way you can see what catches your eye together.

Joshua James40 said:Honestly, it really gets under my skin when my partner insists that hormones and all the mood swings that come with them are just some kind of feminine nonsense—as if I’m just making things up or should somehow just act like everything is normal.
It bugs me how some guys—not all of them, obviously, but plenty—just carry on with their lives as if their wives aren't even pregnant... meanwhile, women actually need a bit more support and attention during this phase.
And don't even get me started on that classic, patronizing "just enjoy being pregnant and focus on yourself" cliché... how exactly am I supposed to "enjoy" this? I’ve gained 20 pounds, I can’t go in the pool, nothing fits me anymore, and I can barely walk twenty feet without feeling like my spleen is trying to exit my body. I can't even grab coffee with my friends—I guess nobody invites me out anymore because they're terrified I'll go into labor right there in the middle of the cafe. So yeah, my big plans involve reading a book and eating about 500 pastries in a row.

Honestly, I think people are just saying those things with the best intentions.
I'm currently 35 weeks along with my second child, and looking back at how much more free time I had during my first pregnancy, I actually regret not doing more—even though I wasn't exactly sitting around doing nothing.
Once the baby arrives, it isn't that going out becomes impossible, but the logistics get much harder. If you're breastfeeding, you're physically tethered to the infant, and even afterward, finding childcare and coordinating everything is a massive undertaking. It’s never quite as simple as it seems.

Did your doctor specifically tell you to stay out of the pool? I live on an island and I still go; at least there, I can bring the baby along. 🤷 As for the social life, you’ll have to be the one to initiate the hangouts if your friends aren't reaching out.

Andrew Hill8 said:Just wanted to jump in here and add my two cents... for me, the second trimester was actually the worst part, I'm talking constant burping, nausea hitting me all day long, and feeling dizzy almost every single hour of the day.🙄
And the absolute kicker is that I'm mentally bracing myself for potential complications, but I can't help but feel like most people at my office think I'm just making excuses... since they're all those classic "early symptoms," right? Like, yeah, good luck believing me.🙂

At the end of the day, every pregnancy is its own wild ride!

For most women, however, the nausea tapers off by week 16 or 17.
That certainly isn't an excuse to accuse anyone who is unlucky enough to suffer through the second or even third trimester😢 of being dramatic or faking it.

Roger Rodriguez said:I think from now on, I'm only listening to my doctor. 🙂 I've been dealing with some ovarian issues, and when I looked them up online, I almost fainted. Suddenly, fifty different people in my life jumped in with their own "expert" advice, and when they heard I needed tumor markers because of a cyst, I felt like they were already planning my funeral! So, moving forward, I'm keeping things to myself.
I'm trying to act normal, but it's hard because everyone else treats me like I'm fragile, which just makes me feel worse. Meanwhile, I actually know what I can and can't do, even if I am feeling nauseous and sleepy all the time. Thanks for the advice, 🙂

That first trimester is a total nightmare...

No matter how exhausting the end stages get—dealing with a massive belly, back pain, and feeling completely uncoordinated—it doesn't compare to those first three or four months. Plus, there's that constant underlying anxiety. I personally dealt with two losses before the 12-week mark, and during one of them, I felt physically terrible.

For me, life finally started feeling normal again once I hit the 16-week point.

Gary James17 said:Superman, hang in there!
I feel like you just covered everything I forgot to include in my own endless manifesto a few days ago :-)

I wanted this pregnancy more than anything, and we had been planning for it, though we never actually expected it to happen quite this fast—we figured it would be more like six months or a year down the road. So, honestly, nobody was more shocked (or more thrilled) than me when I saw those two lines on the test! I was absolutely bursting with energy and plans; I fully intended to keep up my entire normal routine, staying active, exercising, working right up until forty-five days before my due date, knocking out several grad school exams, making significant progress on my doctoral dissertation, taking one last solo trip to the coast with my husband (my dates are set for September 8th), hitting all the maternity and baby boutiques, and spending plenty of time walking and bonding with my bump, along with a million other things.

And then, practically overnight, I had to abandon everything or put it on indefinite hold because I ended up on strict bed rest, which, wouldn't you know it, has already dragged on for four months...
Don't get me wrong, I would happily spend nine months cemented to a bed if it meant keeping the baby safe!
But the thing is, it isn't easy to accept that your plans, your desires, and your dreams have been shifted or postponed in a single moment... especially when everyone around you assumes that's exactly how a pregnant woman’s brain is supposed to work the second she finds out! It’s incredibly irritating. A human mind isn't a computer with an on/off switch!

Don't listen to anyone; just stick to your own rhythm and things will work out.
For instance, while stuck in bed, I managed to write four seminar papers—I figured, why not get them out of the way for next year?
Yet, somehow, people always find a way to act surprised and insist on their own narrow views—as if I should be exhausting myself now instead of resting and focusing on the baby... Well, I am thinking about the baby constantly, but I’m still me, and I still have room to think about other things too.

And sure, go ahead and criticize me, but I’m one of those people who is considered "overachieving," because I refuse to believe my life stops moving just because I'm giving birth; I still hope to work, to climb the career ladder, finish my graduate studies, tend to my garden, catch a concert or two, and so on.
It really gets under my skin how much people feel the need to constantly convince me that I'm just chasing pipe dreams! It’s almost as if they're rooting for me to fail at my own ambitions.
Look, I expect my life to turn upside down—in fact, it already has—and I know I'll have to put in a massive amount of extra effort and willpower, deal with the financial strain of both my expenses and the baby's, handle the sacrifices, and navigate the need for extreme flexibility in my scheduling.
But if I start "resigning" myself to the idea now that I won't have any time, or that finishing my degree is impossible, then I certainly won't accomplish any of it.

Anyway, I'm rambling again :-)

That said, success doesn't rest solely on your shoulders (though your mindset and drive are obviously the foundation); it also depends heavily on the child and the support system you have in place.

If you have a healthy baby, a partner who pulls their weight with the chores, and perhaps even extended family willing to step in—then you can accomplish a great deal.

I suspect many women speak from a place of experience where that necessary support simply wasn't there.

If I may offer some advice: a partner should be involved in everything related to the baby as much as possible (I’d say everything, though if you’re breastfeeding, there’s a limit to what he can physically do 😁) right from the start. This approach does three things: a) it builds his confidence, b) it fosters a bond with the child, and c) it makes your life significantly easier.

My husband was incredibly hands-on from day one. It was tougher at first, of course—the baby was nursing constantly and refused the bottle—but it got easier over time. By the time I had to travel for work when she was eighteen months old, then two years old, and eventually older, it wasn't an issue at all. So, my own experience has been positive; I’ve managed to stay quite productive alongside my child (who knows what it will be like with two!), but I realize everyone's circumstances are different.

Roger Rodriguez, I get that this was quite a shock to the system and you need some time to process everything.
Personally, I wouldn't make a huge production out of being pregnant; honestly, people who aren't involved don't really need to know.

As for lifestyle changes, provided everything progresses normally—and despite that bleeding at 6 weeks, there’s no reason why things shouldn't turn out fine—you don't actually have to give up much. I mean, horseback riding and water skiing are fine, and while maybe rock climbing isn't the best idea, you can still do a massive amount of stuff, especially once the morning sickness passes and you hit the 30+ week mark.

Since I'm quite a bit older than you, I've tried just about everything: snorkeling, hiking, running, and I worked full-time until 38 weeks during my first pregnancy. Now, at 32 weeks, I'm still working, doing yoga, and even more intense workouts. I drive, play with my little girl, and we run around the backyard together. I still go out, too—though I went out more during my first pregnancy since I didn't have a toddler running around, but I certainly don't act like a shut-in.

In short: ignore the unsolicited advice. Find one reliable doctor or a good book to turn to when you have doubts (or this forum 😁), and don't let yourself get stressed or dragged into debates about what you "should" be doing.

On topic: nothing really gets under my skin too much (except when nobody offers me a seat on the bus 😁). I was a bit surprised that this pregnancy has been physically tougher than my first. The nausea was more intense and lasted longer, and I feel much more clumsy; I'm carrying lower now, and my back aches more. Plus, I have a 35-pound kid who still thinks she's a "little baby." Also, even though the nausea has subsided, food just doesn't taste the same; it's just not hitting the spot.

*That said, everything has been great since the first trimester. Nothing was worse than that initial combination of exhaustion and nausea.

Thomas Hernandez86 said:A buddy of mine mentioned that he keeps waking up in the middle of the night completely paralyzed. He can't move an inch, and it lasts for about 30 seconds before it finally lets go.
He says there's no pain or cramping involved—just pure terror.

To me, this sounds 😲 ; I've honestly never heard of anything like it. What exactly is going on here?

Interesting.
Based on this, it’s nothing too dramatic:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/449418

So, here's the deal...
My father deals with chronic health issues—he’s also a bit of a hypochondriac, though he certainly has enough actual symptoms to justify his anxiety—and he’s constantly seeing various specialists. He always manages to schedule his tests and (so far, minor) procedures quite quickly. He has never once offered money or gifts to anyone because, to him, that’s ideologically unacceptable, and we’ve never pulled any strings or used "connections" to get ahead.

It wouldn't be fair to say everything has been perfect, but considering how much tax money goes into the American healthcare system, the service isn't half bad. For instance, if I compare our situation to the United Kingdom, which people have mentioned here and which I have firsthand experience with, the wait times for surgeries—and especially for specialist consultations and diagnostic testing—are actually shorter here.

As for corruption, I believe it exists. However, I think it involves a relatively small percentage of doctors. It likely isn't any higher than the rate of corruption found in other sectors of American society. After all, I don't see why doctors, just like everyone else, should be any different.