307 posts shown.
Honestly, the way people have been acting lately has my blood pressure through the roof, especially those married types with kids. I barely even muttered that I was pregnant—and that’s only because I absolutely had to (not counting my inner circle or close friends, obviously). To me, this is a private matter between me and my partner, but suddenly everyone starts jumping down my throat like it's some kind of public announcement 🙄 The worst part? All these women who didn't even give me a second glance before—because I wasn't part of the "mom squad"—suddenly started coming up to say hi. 😬 It was incredibly disappointing. It turns out none of what you've actually accomplished in life matters, and it doesn't matter who you are as a person; apparently, your entire "value" is suddenly validated just because you're bringing a kid into the world. 😲
I knew this was a thing, sure, but I never realized just how blatant it was until I felt it hitting me personally.
Then come the endless, unsolicited recommendations and advice from "expert" moms and trendy pregnant ladies, completely unprovoked 🙂
And yeah, if I kept going, I could probably list a dozen more gems like that...
Tyler Ross86 said:What’s the big deal with that damn speed bag anyway? And that guy who’s always hammering away at it, setting records left and right—he was complaining about an injury, but he already had one from way back...
If we're talking about a broken bone or some shredded cartilage, then yeah, I think he'd actually have much bigger problems than this.
You’re the third person I’ve run into with an injury like this.
If you don't know actual striking technique (which is painfully obvious from your previous posts), then stop swinging at everything. Just go to a gym and ask how to actually hold your fist, what angle to use, where your fingers should be, and which part of the bag you're supposed to hit—basically, get some damn training.
Don't listen to those forum bios, and quit watching those YouTube clips.Look, instead of sitting around, just walk into a gym or some fitness club and ask someone to actually show you how it's done properly. 🙂
I hate doctors. Seriously, go get an X-ray for that wrist. I know two people who've been stuck in casts for three months because of this amateur-hour nonsense. All that sloppy hitting leads to a fractured scaphoid bone. It might not seem like a big deal right now, but you're looking at improper healing and a thumb that won't even work properly later.
Throwing a punch isn't nearly as simple as it looks. People trip up constantly, and then they end up paying way too much for their little "experiments."
Just one or two months hitting the heavy bag after getting some actual, professional guidance? That’s all you need. It's enough to make sure you never screw up like this again. 🙂
Not yet, but I'm getting there.
I actually got the recommendation from someone I respect immensely—and trust me, they aren't some religious fanatic. 🙂
Word is, his writing is brilliant and incredibly sharp.
crimsonmarlin14 said:That isn't quite right. I train at an Aikikai club that has a very reasonable monthly fee (lower than what you mentioned), and it’s a solid gym. I’m fairly certain there are other clubs out there where the monthly dues are less than $40, so I’d suggest doing a little more research.
Best,
So, what exactly counts as a "reasonable" price here?
🤷
The standard rate for most clubs is $83 (though before the recession, you could still find spots for $67).
The only place I know that used to have lower monthly fees was SUBOS, but I don't think they offer Aikido.
Paul Phillips13 said:Like the title says... nothing crazy, but I think my bottom rib on the left side is sticking out toward my stomach. I haven't broken anything, but maybe it was fractured or something back in the day? Can I fix this with certain exercises or any other way? Thanks. Sorry if this is the wrong sub, honestly I have no clue where else to post this. Appreciate anyone willing to help. 🙏
Mine looks just like that too. 😁
Andrew Sullivan8, you actually got any cash on you?
Chris Bailey93 said:My 4-year-old is basically a living Ninja Turtle—constantly practicing his moves everywhere he goes 🙂. We’re looking to get him into a real martial arts class, but we’ve hit a bit of a wall with age requirements. We’re based in Chicago. Does anyone have recommendations for a club (TKD, Karate, etc.) that actually takes kids this young? So far, our only lead for Taekwondo is Dan-Gun. Thanks in advance!
Just not sure if they take kids under 6. Best bet is to call them and ask. 🙂
I just hope there isn't anyone from Reddit or this specific sub here...😢
Gerald Ward61 said:🙂 😘 😍
...and honestly? I should've just said "love." That would've been plenty... 🙂
🙂
Now that you brought it up, you're right. It all comes down to love. Even when it doesn't look that way at first glance.
The only thing we can actually do is ask ourselves: how does this impact us personally?
That's where the whole "good," "better," and "worse" thing kicks in... and that's how we react. 🙂
So, we either raise the bar or lower it. Depends.
And that's how we shift our own boundaries.
That's why what works for me might not work for someone else. And vice versa.
You have to understand that. 😳
northernbadger12 said:Okay, here comes my little fixation story.
I was fifteen, and it was summer. When he showed up, it honestly just blew my mind—like, literally. I fell in love at first sight, and I don't think it’s ever happened to me since. Not once.
The whole thing is such a cliché, really. He was holding me as the sun was setting over the beach. I was wearing one of his T-shirts because I was freezing, and the sleeves were just a tiny bit too long for me. He reached his hand inside that long sleeve, grabbed my shaky little hand, and kissed me. It was my very first kiss. I actually pulled away immediately because I totally panicked—I just wasn't used to feeling anything that intense, you know? And he was older, definitely more experienced (at least that's how it felt to me back then). I think he cared about me too, but maybe I was acting too much like a kid, and since he wasn't really looking for something serious, he ended up kissing someone else right in front of me on other nights. That’s when the heartache started. I felt so insulted and hurt.
I just couldn't handle being anyone's second choice, and he eventually realized he'd hurt me. To this day, he’s still like a god to me, but he made that one human mistake that I just couldn't get past (I can still see the image of him kissing that girl in my head), and it just froze me up.
Years go by, and he’s still my first and my last—even though we only see each other maybe twice a year in big group settings, there's always this weird, unresolved tension between us. I've had other relationships and fallen for other people, but he remains this perfect ideal that I love endlessly. Honestly, nobody else even comes close.
Then, about seven or eight years later, I hit a really low point. I was dealing with a major depression after a three-year relationship ended, and I decided I had to settle this once and for all. I mean, there's no sense in living with a fixation like that, right? So, I reached out to him. This was back when everyone was obsessed with email, so we started writing to each other. I finally admitted to him how crushed I was on him back then (though telling him I'd loved him for eight years straight might have been a bit much, don't you think? haha).
We set up a time to meet.
And finally, the day arrives. We hadn't seen each other for at least two years. I ended up having three Fernet cocktails and two Bud Lights. Then I see him, and he sees me. We hug for a long time, laughing and just looking at each other. Anyway, to make a long story short—after two hangouts that were actually super fun and great—I realized he’s just a totally normal guy. Nothing special or different from anyone else. He's still a wonderful person, obviously, but I realized my brain had just manufactured this entire persona. I had built this little fantasy world I could retreat to whenever someone let me down in real life. He was my Mr. X—something to hold onto when I felt like the ground was slipping out from under me.
I’m so glad I did it. I’m happy I finally admitted to myself that I had created this obsession. I feel liberated, like I've dropped this heavy weight and can finally move on. Everything feels so much easier now, and I’m way more open to meeting new people. 🙏
I guess we could sit here and debate definitions of love or human relationships all day, but personally, I think the definition changes as much as the people do. Because, well—everyone is different, I suppose. 😍
That's a perfect example. 🙂
John Doe served his purpose in your life while he was needed. Once you shifted your boundaries and leveled up, he naturally became irrelevant.
It happens when you grow up a little. 🙂
And you can't force it.
For you, it took 8 years.
If someone had just handed you the answer back then without you asking, you would have missed out on this entire lesson. A forced solution wouldn't have worked anyway; you wouldn't have even accepted it.
Thanks for sharing that with us.
😉
Gerald Ward61 said:Yeah, call it arrogance then! 😉
Fine, here's my apology for being such an arrogant jerk.
Gerald Ward61 said:Maybe you should go back and give your last post another read... feels like you actually need to before you type this one... 😬
I need an apology from Lady Gaga, I want an apology... 😳
Look, I can give you all the apologies you want if it makes you feel better, but it doesn't change anything for me.
I just don't get what the big deal is. Are we really arguing because I quoted you saying there are better and worse kinds of love and you called that "crass"? 🤷
Betty Stewart59 said:@ dragonfly
You’ve polished this thread up nicely, and I have to say, clinically speaking, it's spotless. But there’s still something left in the traces—something deep within us that just curdles when we come face-to-face with the real thing. And seriously, that avatar? It’s a solid 5 out of 10.
That burning feeling? That's the whole point. It's what allows us to "know."🙂
The OP was basically asking if anyone has ever been stuck in a loop of loving someone they can’t actually be with—like, for years. That kind of unrequited obsession where it turns into this weird fantasy, and you almost seem to find a sick sort of comfort in the heartache itself.
My response was built on a mix of my own therapy sessions, what I’m currently learning in my studies, and actual psychological literature. And yeah, let's be real, there's some personal experience baked in there too.
This is really aimed at the people who are drowning. If you're in the middle of this mess right now, or if you feel like you're headed straight for it, and you know deep down you need to change something because you're just plain miserable—this is for you.
Every story is different, sure, but the underlying mechanics? They're usually the exact same.
The OP wanted to know if these patterns exist. I tried to break down why they happen and where they come from, in a general sense. To get into the weeds of an individual case, obviously, you'd need to actually sit down with the person involved.
If this sparks even a tiny bit of change for someone, then great. 🙂
As for everyone else out there living their best life and happy in their relationships? I hope it stays that way.
They don't need my post. 😉
Regarding the opening topic—strictly from a psychological standpoint rather than a literary one—here’s a quick little breakdown.
Emotions are pretty much the only compass we've got to navigate through this life.
Our brains—look, let's be real—just aren't wired to see the big picture. We're trapped by space and time, stuck in this tiny little bubble. We can't predict what's coming next because we’re constantly reacting solely from the here and now.
For our minds. The future isn't some magical thing that just happens. It’s nothing more than the sum of everything we’ve already been through and what we’re doing right now. Period.
That’s exactly why we fall back on our "gut feelings" and how we think we feel.
The "heart" sees the big picture perfectly. It connects all the dots. But it doesn't have a sense of space or time, you know? So we end up stuck in this loop where a massive change keeps eating us alive, yet we don't actually wrap our heads around it until fifteen years later.
Depending on what kind of emotions you're dealing with, they’re going to drive you toward a specific type of action—or, more likely, total paralysis. Most of us just merge with our feelings. We let them become who we are, and that gives us this false sense of... well, everything. "If only we were actually alive.".
We’ve all been there—that moment when you feel like you’ve finally had enough, but you’re still too terrified to actually pull the trigger. You're scared that if you make a move, things will just go from bad to worse. Honestly? That’s just a sign you aren't ready yet. It means you haven't hit that level of maturity where you can handle the actual cost of making a change. If the price tag on transformation feels too high, you're just stalling. 🙂
Alright, let’s talk about this whole "obsessing over an idol" thing when there's zero basis in reality. I’m assuming we’re talking about that specific brand of madness where someone fixes their sights on a person who is—for whatever reason—completely out of reach. You know the drill: they're already taken, they live halfway across the country, or they wouldn't give you the time of day if you were on fire. It’s a total caricature of a crush. Honestly, it’s just a phase most of us stumble through in high school, or at least something we all deal with at least once in our lives.
Look, there are definitely people out there who—just like the OP said—keep doing this over and over again.
In other words, They're just repeating the same old pattern. Over and over again..
Fine by me if they don't see it as a problem—they can keep living like that forever for all I care.
Wait, what about the people who suddenly snap and realize that this kind of life is just completely pointless? 🤷
We’ve all heard those cheesy old sayings, haven't we? Like, "out of sight, out of mind." Or that one about how love is only beautiful while you're still waiting for it. Total clichés.
Most of what we call "problems" just evaporate the second you actually start working on a solution..
Look, when we’re stuck in those moments where we just can't focus on actually solving anything—and yeah, I’m exaggerating here, like when you're too busy checking if there's some single person standing two feet away from you—and we decide to just fall head over heels for something that's completely out of reach... well, that kind of behavior has a name. "Hidden profit." That’s all anyone ever talks about, right? Like there’s some secret stash of cash just waiting to be uncovered if you only look hard enough. Give me a break..
And then we usually say: I know it sounds totally insane, but I am just sooooo obsessed with them!
When someone tries to hand you a solution in a situation like this—especially one that totally clashes with how you’re feeling—what do we usually say?You just don't get it. You've never even laid eyes on what "real love" actually looks like!
And until that "hidden gain" gets satisfied some other way, we’re just going to keep pointing out the pattern—the one where they keep picking "unrequited love" over and over again.
If there weren't any boundaries, we wouldn't bother learning a damn thing.
Either other people draw our limits for us, or we go out and build them ourselves—clinging to everyone else's blueprints or just repeating the same old lessons we've been fed since the day we were born.
Boundaries are nothing but illusions. That’s why relationships are never set in stone—they have a beginning, they have an end. We use these lines to define where one person stops and the other begins. It's how we spot the differences. Once you see those gaps, you finally see who you actually are. That’s the whole point of getting involved with someone.
Let’s learn how to actually be alone with ourselves. 🙂.
Honestly, you get much better results when you go through an intermediary.
It’s the same old story. People who keep falling into the exact same patterns? They aren't fixing anything—they're just buying themselves more time.
It’s that classic "stuck in a moment" syndrome.
I honestly can't deal with these "symptoms" anymore.
Sometimes they just throw in the towel because it all gets too heavy for them. And honestly? That’s usually exactly when they finally get a shot at actually changing.
On top of that, being in love with the idea of love—or getting obsessed with some impossible fantasy about an unavailable partner—comes with a nasty little side effect: Control.
We’re constantly checking ourselves, obsessing over exactly how close we are to hitting that target.
Take distance, for instance—it keeps us apart. Or maybe it's family obligations preventing us from taking things seriously, or a demanding career at a firm like Goldman Sachs blocking any real intimacy. Or even just our own looks, like
. We can find a hundred different excuses for why a relationship has no future, even when we're head over heels. We convince ourselves we have everything under control 🙂
.
But if we actually took a leap—filed for divorce, moved across the country, switched careers, or finally hit up a plastic surgeon—we’d be stepping straight into the unknown.
And you can't control the unknown.
(Maybe we get ghosted, or find out he actually values his wife and kids more than us and isn't ready to blow up his marriage, or some surgeon tells us there's nothing to work with, or a new job turns out to be a total disaster for our partner and we're just left guessing).
While we sit there waiting, that possibility stays safely tucked away in our heads, so we do absolutely nothing out of pure fear.
And that fear? It's rooted in insecurity.
Like the fear that we aren't good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, or fit enough for a real family.
That’s how these massive romantic epics are born. These grand, sweeping love stories.
And we walk away thinking only unrequited love matters—because let's face it, who ever wrote a masterpiece about a happy, stable couple?
So we crave that "impossible love" because we've been brainwashed to believe it's the only kind that counts.
We pass up the "small," functional loves because nobody writes books or makes movies about them.
Unrequited stuff has this huge emotional charge. And we constantly mistake that intensity for "true love." Mostly because that's what we were taught, and because we mistakenly think our emotions *are* our identity.
We feel like we have to "die to love." Or at least suffer. Like Romeo and Juliet. Or young Werther. That's the hallmark of "real love" in our minds. So that's the only thing we hunt for. Because it's the only script we know.
But imagine if someone told us: love is actually cheerful. Joyful. It doesn't hurt at all. It feels more like a good slice of apple pie. And it isn't tied to just one person.
Anyway, that's my "psychological" take on it. Now you guys go ahead and get literary about which kinds of love are worth a damn, or worthy of a book or a Hollywood screenplay. 😉
Gerald Ward61 said:😁
...for those who haven't actually met someone better, but they don't settle for just "fine"... they hold out for real love. 😉 😉
That is incredibly arrogant. 🙂
You’re basically setting yourself up as the gold standard for what counts as "better" or "worse."
Sure, you can be the judge of your own life, but only when it comes to yourself.
It’s pure ego to act like that when talking about anyone else. 😉
Hannah White2 said:Ugh... here we go, another starry-eyed dreamer...
Just picture this: some guy finally hits his jackpot, starts living the dream with the woman he worships, but then—after three years when that initial hormone rush inevitably dies down—he spends the next few years convincing himself he’s been wronged. He ends up posting on some infidelity forum because he decided she "isn't the same person" he met back in the day.
The kicker? She was never that person to begin with.
But hey, that's "love" for ya.😍
Good God. 👍
Then he circles back and realizes she isn't even that bad, especially now that they have a two-year-old kid who’s actually fun to be in bed with.
So then he remembers that this whole cycle probably happened five times already (back when those hormones were still high), and as a man, he discovers the ultimate secret about women:
they're all exactly the same! 😲
And from there, if life lets him, he just wastes away through various versions of "love" with that one woman—or maybe someone else later on. He gets more kids, maybe even grandkids, with her, or maybe with both, depending on "what hand he was dealt." 😍
And that, my friends, is love. 🙂