Posts by darksurfer4

Donna Brown5 said:I know exactly how you feel because I'm in a very similar boat. I’m a bit younger than you and still have some friends, but we aren't that close anymore since everyone has their own lives, careers, marriages, kids, and all that. It doesn't really make sense for me to go around begging for their time or trying to force hangouts at this stage of life.

At first, I actually thought the issue was me—that maybe I just wasn't "good company" or something like that. But then things started happening where people would completely ghost me the moment I mentioned something simple, like finishing my degree when they hadn't yet. That's when it clicked that the situation was much more complicated than I realized (and honestly, there's plenty of other stuff that's happened in my private and professional life that I'd rather not get into here).

You eventually reach this realization that most of these "friends" were never actually your friends to begin with. Most of them act like subtle emotional parasites, using you and your energy just to fuel their own egos or maintain a sense of control over you. It’s a pattern I've seen quite a bit in my dating life too, though I'm sure it goes both ways regardless of gender.

The truth hurts, I know. A lot of people choose to cling to those toxic relationships simply because they're terrified of being alone. But in my opinion, a true friend will never turn their back on you, no matter how difficult things might get...

Anyway, I might have rambled a bit there, but I couldn't get to the heart of the matter without expanding on it. Just don't shoulder the blame for this. As the saying goes, keep moving forward, whatever happens, and stay strong...

It is notoriously difficult to sustain connections that date back to childhood or our younger years. Life just pulls people in different directions; someone lands a high-flying corporate job, someone else struggles to find work, someone gets married, and someone stays single. Paths diverge constantly. Take a friend of mine, for example: he got married, and while we haven't lost touch entirely, we certainly don't see each other as often. I attended his wedding, and when I caught up with him later, I asked why he hadn't reached out to a mutual acquaintance of ours lately. He told me they weren't on speaking terms anymore because he would send messages, but this guy simply refused to respond. My friend—the one who graduated, secured a great salary, has free weekends, and married a beautiful woman—wasn't the problem. It was the other guy, who works seasonal jobs, doesn't have a partner, and seemingly couldn't stomach seeing anyone else succeed. Even my sister dealt with this; she had a close friend who just stopped responding the moment my sister got married. It really tells you everything you need to know.🙄

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Look, when you strip everything else away—the actual travel, the distance covered—it’s all pretty much irrelevant. We’ve known each other our entire lives; it’s just that simple, everyday routine of going from one's front door to the next. But even within that small radius, she was already running on empty. $6.75 Regarding the billiards—look, he offered to cover the table, and I said fine. At the end of the day, the only thing that actually matters is that we get some games in. As for the whole beer situation—it’s nonsense. He didn't just casually reach into his pocket and say, "Hey man, this one's on me," because he’s been footing the bill every single time we hang out. It's ridiculous to act like there isn't a "snake in his pocket" when he's consistently the one picking up the tab.

When it comes to traveling, I know this entire group—I see them from the outside even when we aren't hanging out together, so they aren't exactly strangers to me. I've joined them on trips a few times, and that’s about it. Sure, there have been frictions—there always are in any friendship—but it’s clear his ego is such that he simply can't move past things. He'd rather just shut me out entirely by leaving my messages on "read." It’s a petty way to handle it. I thought to myself, once he gets back from his trip, I'll just be direct—if you can travel all the way from Chicago, you can certainly swing by my neighborhood for a beer, so let's see if he leaves me on "read" then. Honestly, I suspect it’s a matter of social standing—he likely views me as being beneath him because of work, money, or family. He has it all, whereas I don't—and I won't sit here and debate whether I have cash or not, because that's beside the point right now. But we’ve known each other our whole lives, and when a friendship ends like this, you just stop hearing from people and seeing them. It is what it is, unfortunately.

I’m dealing with something remarkably similar—this person has settled down, started a family, and all that—but as far as I’m concerned, they can never find five minutes for a simple beer. Yet, somehow, they always have plenty of time for everyone else. It makes me wonder: what is the point of keeping someone like that in your life? You think they're a friend—someone you’ve been through everything with since childhood—but honestly, I’m leaning toward categorizing them as either a "fake friend" or just another passing acquaintance. Or perhaps, nothing at all...

I definitely need to find a new circle, though I’ll admit—it’s hard to open up again because of these past betrayals and such. We'll just have to see how this whole chapter plays out... But regardless, thanks for the support...👍

Look, there are these two or three guys at a local bar I frequent. They talk constantly about traveling; I noticed they often travel to follow sports teams, but there are other trips too. They talk about dinners, whether they're on the road or at home. Of course, all of this costs a fortune, and where the money comes in is where the drama starts. They’ll tell someone they don't want them in the group anymore just because last month that person "only" spent "$50" on drinks. Sure, the guy might be paying for his own flights, hotels, and game tickets, but apparently, that isn't enough; when you're in a group like that, you have to "shell out" big time. You've got people making maybe $50,000 a year—which is a decent salary, mind you—but you're expected to drop at least that much just on travel, games, dinners, and whatnot. In this specific scenario, money is everything; if you can't or won't spend massive amounts, then what are we even talking about? 🙂

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Look, I didn't view them that way originally, but it turns out they actually are. My conscience is clear—I know exactly what those petty little grievances were about, though I won't air the dirty laundry here. I offered an olive branch regarding my own initiative, but none was returned from their side. And that’s essentially all you have left after years of supposed "friendship."

For instance—the US National Team is playing over in Cyprus right now; I see five of them in a photo there. Did he reach out? Did he ask me to join them as friends? Of course not. His pride is far too great—he would never be the one to call...

So, as of today, I have zero friends and zero acquaintances. Believe me, I had plenty—I was firmly within that inner circle—but well, I've hit 32, and it's not that I'm not looking for new connections, but I just hope the future looks a bit brighter than this current isolation... It isn't that I dislike being alone, per se, but there is a certain discomfort in being out in public by oneself—that's not quite what I mean...

The next time the opportunity arises, I’m going to ask him straight to his face what the deal is. If he tells me I'm no longer welcome, then everything will be crystal clear...

Friendship is a complicated business. Either you are there for a friend through thick and thin, or you aren't.

These people clearly fall into the category mentioned in that proverb...

I haven't quite wrapped my head around it yet—did you ever actually go on these trips with them? And is it just this one guy who's a friend, while the rest of them aren't really part of your circle?

Elizabeth Wilson3 said:Well, that is precisely what I am attempting to do. Although—for instance—I enjoy attending soccer matches and traveling, and if I could merge those two interests, it would be ideal. To illustrate: I had a friend—we were close until about 2014—who used to give me various excuses back in the day, claiming he was broke whenever I suggested we go play billiards, for example. Now, I see he has traveled almost the entire world—doing exactly what I want to do, but without anyone to go with—so there is no point in dwelling on it.

We had our fair share of arguments; I offered apologies more often than he did—though, frankly, he owed me several for his own nonsense—and eventually, the friendship just fractured. Up until quite recently, I still felt the urge to reach out, perhaps just to grab a beer, but he claims he is too busy. Another friend visited from Italy recently, and I suggested he get the old group together; naturally, he makes no effort to meet up, claiming he couldn't coordinate everyone. I find that hard to believe; I suspect they managed to meet without me.

And then, of course, I see him on Instagram constantly traveling the globe—he ignores my calls entirely, and my messages are simply "read" with zero response.

It is incredibly frustrating. What is one supposed to do to revive an old bond? It was always me—the one making the calls, picking up the tab, and putting in the effort—and what is the reward? Being left on "read."

Part of me wants to just scrub him from my followers list, but I won't—mostly because I consider myself above such petty gestures.

This is why I find it difficult to open up to new people; I am cautious. I have no desire to repeat this cycle now that I am in my 30s. Real friendship is defined by who stands by you during hardship or illness—people who help you emerge stronger. This? This isn't friendship anymore; it has devolved into a mere acquaintance. And it is not as if we have known each other for a lifetime or anything. 🙂

So, who did that friend end up traveling with? Some people are perfectly fine just wandering around solo for a few days. When you really think about it, you just do what you want; there's no "I don't want to go there" or "I'd rather stay here," no "this is boring"—you just see things you've never seen before, experience a different culture, and it fills you up in the moment. Though, obviously, constant solitude can be a total disaster.

mistybadger2 said:Look, there used to be actual authorized overdrafts where the interest rates were lower and everything was regulated properly. Then some new law or regulation came out regarding this "silent overdraft," which was supposedly meant to be an exception. But these vultures at the big banks probably figured the Fed wouldn't care if they just rebranded the old authorized overdrafts as "silent" ones and jacked the interest rates from 7% to over 9%...
Back then, you could actually get an authorized limit, but you had to go through a specific process to sign for it, so hardly anyone actually had one. Those people probably had inside info—likely bank employees or their buddies.
The rest of us, who make up the vast majority, didn't have a clue.
And now why is the Fed suddenly making a scene and acting all righteous? It’s definitely not because they give a damn about regular Americans. They probably just got chewed out over dollar stability, otherwise, these banks wouldn't dare pull this stunt domestically.
Just more proof of what a complete circus this country is.

https://www.federalreserve.gov/monetarypolicy/overdraft-regulation-news

Which means it's highly likely it exists. Honestly, I might even have this infamous "silent" overdraft myself without even realizing it. Fortunately, I try my best not to dip into the red.

gentlehawk12 said:Hey there,

Following up on this article:

Has anyone actually received a notice from JP Morgan Chase yet about them pulling the plug on overdraft protection?

Does anyone have the inside scoop specifically regarding JP Morgan Chase—like, what does the actual rollout process look like?

From what I’ve gathered reading through the news lately, they are phasing out some kind of "negative margin" feature, while apparently there aren't any major changes coming to standard checking account overdrafts. To be honest, I hadn't even heard of this "negative margin" thing until now, and if my understanding is correct, it sounds like an incredibly predatory practice—banks basically taking advantage of people who are either in a tight spot or just don't know any better.

Andrew Doyle said:Excellent for what exactly? For ending up in a psychiatric ward?

Look, she went on and on about how the job is exhausting and totally draining, yet she claims it’s "not actually disgusting." I mean, honestly, how on earth am I supposed to interpret that logic?🤔

The kind of job that absolutely drains you—the one where you’re constantly worried you might actually lose your mind—isn't necessarily a bad gig; in fact, it might actually be an incredible one🤔

Arthur Cook said:Look, you finally got that blemish cleared up, so now you can just get back to living your best life and feeling young again. It’s really not on you, though. He's the one who messed everything up.

She mentioned it so casually in passing that I honestly can't tell if we're even talking about a miscarriage here. If you're looking strictly at the test results, you can't definitively swear that's what happened.🤔 Though, let's be honest, there really isn't any other explanation for it.

Carl Cox3 said:Why rely on just a handful of people for your entire life? It makes more sense to constantly meet new faces and build a diverse circle. Over time, you will naturally cultivate many close, meaningful connections.

But honestly, how are you supposed to actually rely on someone if you aren't even aiming for a deeper connection with them? If you're perpetually cycling through new faces, building any kind of profound bond becomes nearly impossible. Besides, I think your suggestion is frankly nonsensical and practically unachievable in the real world. I mean, who actually spends their time constantly meeting new people or constantly shifting their social circles? Only children, really—or adults who, if they already have a social circle that satisfies them, can perfectly happy without doing exactly what you're proposing. Maybe that lifestyle works in some hippie commune somewhere, but not here.

cosmicviper18 said:Who are you even supposed to live for, or where are you meant to find support, if being around people just leaves you feeling more alone? They say you should be able to stand on your own two feet and be content living solo, but who actually believes that lie?

Sure, it’s technically possible; I mean, history is full of people who spent years living in caves or perched on some desolate, lonely cliffside. We tend to remember them as great philosophers or saints, but if you ask me, my gut feeling is that most of them were probably just deeply mentally ill.🤔

Jamie Adams6 said:But honestly, isn't that just how it works? You've got your mom, maybe a sister if you're lucky, a couple of close friends, a partner... and that's really it. You don't actually *need* more than that, and you shouldn't feel obligated to be super important to everyone outside that core group. Let's face it—human connections are mostly transactional, even with family. Most people drift through life with that exact same small crew—just varying in quality. Those people claiming to have hundreds of ride-or-die besties? They're just living a fantasy on Facebook.

If you're an introvert, like myself, you truly don't require anything beyond that setup. If you're an extrovert, sure, you probably crave something more substantial. But from what I can gather, she doesn't even seem to have the small circle you're describing?

boldnomad45 said:Spot on.
But building quality relationships takes time.
Time we simply don't have.
I'm lonely too, constantly dissecting why. I've been this way since I was a kid.
I used to chase that feeling. In my younger years, I'd hang out with anyone who would have me, molding myself to fit everyone else just to have company. Naturally, that made things worse.
Then I tried looking for it in romantic partners.
That turned out to be the worst move. Too much pressure on the other person.
I'm in therapy now. I'm still lonely, but I'm starting to understand that quality connections are the only cure.
The problem is, I don't have the time or the money for that.
I work until 5 PM every single day at a job that drains me dry. By the time I'm done, I have nothing left to offer someone if we were to become actual friends.

There's no budget for weekend trips or anything like that.
What's left is grabbing a drink once or twice a month with the same group of lonely, exhausted, guarded, closed-off people just like me.
We have nothing to connect over. We lead similarly empty, draining lives, so we just talk about work, Netflix shows, or what we'd do if we won the Powerball.

I've been stuck in this loop for years, maybe even my whole life. I'm increasingly afraid I'll spend the rest of my life being lonely even when I'm surrounded by people.
If you met me, you wouldn't think that. I talk to people, I listen, and people enjoy inviting me out for coffee or a beer. But for them, it's just entertainment. For me, I'm just killing time, trying to socialize enough so I don't lose my mind.

Your post is a heartbreaking truth. But if you want to know what's even more depressing? It's how people just accept this as normal—how they act like "this is just how it is," which seems to be the prevailing sentiment throughout this entire thread.

Carl Cox3 said:It has always been this way. People simply lived in smaller towns and didn't move around much, which gave them the illusion of having lifelong friends. In reality, most people would only have a couple of close acquaintances and their family, if they were lucky.

I have to disagree because that is simply not how history works. What you're describing—this isolationist trend—really started picking up steam around the 90s and hit its stride around 2010. Before that, social lives were actually robust; people had dozens of friends and spent their time hitting up restaurants, catching movies, going to clubs, or just wandering around together. And honestly, your point about people "not moving" just highlights that fundamental lack of understanding you keep displaying (which, let's be real, happens quite often). People used to be significantly more active than the current generation. A massive number of people migrated from rural areas to major hubs like Chicago or NYC, or even packed up and moved across the country entirely. Furthermore, it was once unheard of for someone to still be living under their parents' roof and relying on them for financial support at age 20; nowadays, you see people doing that well into their 40s.🍿

Carl Cox3 said:This is just how things work, and most people find themselves in the exact same position. Is it any wonder that only our immediate family or perhaps a close friend or partner truly cares? Everyone else simply passes through your life.

I disagree completely; that is absolutely not "normal," and frankly, it's delusional to pretend it is. We are living in these utterly dysfunctional times, though if I'm being honest, this downward spiral started long before the pandemic ever hit.

If it makes you feel any better, I’m feeling pretty much the same way. I just miss hanging out—really hanging out—and more specifically, I miss finding quality people to spend time with. Why is it like this? How did we get here? It’s hard to pin down, but it feels like everyone has become so incredibly selfish and isolated lately; nobody seems willing to give anyone else a fair shake anymore. If there is one thing I can tell you with absolute certainty, though, it's this: don't you dare let anyone treat you poorly.

What's the deal with this whole concept of "positive madness"?

Carl Rivera43 said:Yeah... I guess so... though lately, I've been leaning more toward long stretches of time out in nature and hitting the trails on my bike a ton.

I'm right there with you; I have absolutely zero desire to break a sweat now that this heatwave has hit...

Kyle Nelson2 said:I don't know, this feels more like some kind of depression than just having bad memories... maybe it's a B12 deficiency or something?

Exactly, and all Carl Rivera43 does is constantly harp on about those supposed memories and this endless nostalgia for some "better era." I’ve been seeing a psychologist for five or six years now, and Carl Rivera43 has been posting the exact same grievances for at least five years straight. It makes you wonder—when exactly were these "better times" he keeps mourning? Was he back in kindergarten?

stormygardener93 said:Why dwell on them? If you can't change what happened, there's no point in stressing over it. Memories belong to the past, and I prefer to leave everything behind me—especially the bad stuff.

Look, you can't just "leave memories behind," because if you actually did that, they wouldn't be memories anymore. Honestly, everything you're saying sounds like that New Age nonsense pushed by Ana Bučević.