Posts by ironrider11

Melissa Lopez30 said:I honestly don't see why you're making such a huge deal out of this. Do you even realize how much raw data our "database" takes in every single day? Your brain just filters everything based on what matters at that moment. If you're totally obsessed with biology, your brain is going to light up like a Christmas tree every time biology gets mentioned, whereas if you aren't, you might not even register the info at all. To put it another way, if you didn't have a biology exam coming up, you probably wouldn't even remember the topic of your conversation with your buddy or notice a screen displaying the Biological Society logo. It’s nothing spooky or "voodoo," really. Honestly, it feels like we computer geeks understand the brain a lot better than you psychologists do. 😁 (jokee)

You probably haven't heard this, but this "phenomenon" happens all the time with pregnant women. Suddenly, pregnancy becomes their entire universe, so they start noticing—lo and behold—that pregnant women are everywhere. But when they aren't expecting, a pregnant woman is just another random person passing by, and even if they ran into five of them in one afternoon, they wouldn't give it a second thought because, in that moment, the information just isn't relevant.

When a guy finally gets pregnant—meaning he grinds through the absolute hell of earning those holy credits Jesus's blood was shed for just to bring a long-awaited pet from an idea into reality—only then does he notice how many of those same pets are out there on the road, owned by someone else. Everything a guy holds onto, or keeps alive via some kind of magic within his own field of focus (the individual's field), is the only reality that actually exists. Anything outside that focus isn't just hard to notice; for a guy who’s always a bit solipsistic about his own reality, it basically doesn't exist. Sometimes, something slides into the field of focus (by magic) and stays there longer than expected, and "apophenia" gobbledygook something, which wasn't personally summoned into the radius of his existence... it's just like how you can't force thoughts out of that focus either, regardless of any "noise cancellation" or how much "intuition" tries to automatically shift the focus based on circumstances...

Maybe this? Though I doubt it’s actually that, an school counselor would probably know...

Harold Anderson3 said:Something feels a little off about this one. It looks like the link just leads straight to an advertisement...

It doesn't say "here's the link," it's more like I'm just dropping the link? It's an actual ad, not some "content placement" thing. Just a sec, it's loading...

jadetinker85 said:Not sure what kind of guy I am. 🤔 Seems like it’s out of my hands anyway. 🤔

What do you mean by that? Like, what's the logic behind saying it doesn't depend on you?
If it's not on you, then who's running the show? Who else is it gonna be... 🤔

Maria King3 said:I misspoke—I meant one single partner and one stable relationship.🙂

I’m not even trying to nitpick here, but someone like me—just reading between the lines—might walk away thinking this is all about Will Smith needing a rock-solid partner. Like, if you're looking for a more open, flexible kind of relationship where staying together actually depends on it, you'd need someone totally steady. Not possessive, just wide-eyed and open-minded... 😁

Maria King3 said:I am sorry for the difficult circumstances you have faced in your life. 😢
Truly difficult.
I hope things are better for you now.
Often, circumstances force a person to change.

I have had enough of this mental pattern and I want to change it. However, it is deeply rooted in me and is not easy.
For that reason, I want to start working on myself because this cycle of moving from one bad relationship to another is killing me.
I hit a wall every time, where my options close off and I am back at square one.

I would like to find someone with a secure attachment style.
Connections and relationships are important to me. I have wonderful friends and family, but I would also like to find a stable partner for a romantic relationship.

A "stable partner" in plural, or a stable partner for a single relationship? Just being specific...
"The inverted narcissist"...

"Bondage" restraint? 🤷

Going back to what I said before, isn't it basically just breeding a fear of men? You know, the guys who are actually total softies once you get to know them... It’ll all be fine. Then maybe things will get a little shaky, then they'll settle down, then they won't, then they will... It's all part of the cycle. Everything's gonna turn out okay in the end.

quietangler47 said:Roommates and Regrets

I’m picking up where I left off in that previous thread—which, for some reason, got shut down. Should this have been moved over to the psychology subforum? Honestly, I’ve never quite wrapped my head around how the moderation here works, but I’ll try to calmly lay out the rest of what I couldn't say there...

So, here's the deal: I took in a girl who just turned twenty, and we’re living in a tiny apartment together. I am seriously torn right now between whether I should kick her out, move out myself, or just somehow push her away from my life entirely.

She came from a domestic violence shelter, so she’s dealt with some heavy family stuff. Initially, I felt nothing but sympathy for her, but lately, it feels like life is just throwing one shock after another at me. First, her parents thought she’d committed suicide and had the police showing up at my door, then she started bringing guys back to the apartment... now I’m getting the distinct impression she isn't just using these guys, she's using me too, treating me like some sort of surrogate mother. After I started that last thread, an older woman from next door actually knocked on my door and lectured me, saying I need to look out for the kid, that she's basically still a child, that I should help her get a job and whatnot... Look, I *do* all that, but I’m just so frustrated. I come home and there’s some guy sitting on my bed—someone she considers just another "friend"—and they’re practically making out right in front of me, only for someone else to show up the very next day...

I’ve already told her straight up: no guests. But does she listen? Not even a little. To make matters worse, the girl can't even remember my name, which is pretty ridiculous considering it’s a super common American name. Sometimes I genuinely wonder if something is wrong with her, like, is her head actually okay? And this whole thing with the older guys she hangs out with is terrifying; one of them has a real temper and gets aggressive. I’m honestly scared she’s going to end up a victim of more violence or something even worse.

The guilt is eating at me. Part of me knows I need to get out, but then I start questioning if that’s the right thing to do. Should I wait until she gets her first paycheck to see if she’s actually exploiting people or if she’s just broke? But deep down, my gut is screaming at me to just run for the hills. My perfumes are disappearing, my makeup is being used, my food is being eaten... she’s lounging on my bed and using my towels... I really can't take it anymore.

I have this nagging feeling that there might be something deeper going on with her, like all of this can't just be a series of coincidences...

Gut feelings don't lie. Look, if it's about splitting the bills, fine. But if there isn't even a real crisis, why bring some random person into such a tiny living space year after year? Sharing private space when it's absolutely necessary is one thing, but doing it when you don't have to? Who actually suggested that she should play "mom" to someone like that... at that age? There are plenty of better ways to live without constantly adding drama to your life. You know, find actual hobbies or something? It’s totally possible that things with the kid are indeed a little messy...

casualpanther6 said:The real tragedy is when people—whether they realize it or not—build up these mental walls that stop them from reaching out in the first place. By the time they actually make the effort to show up, they usually end up having a blast... it’s just that initial step of walking through the door that feels impossible, for one reason or another.

Actually, maybe it gets even deeper than that—though maybe it doesn't—when you have people who fight themselves. You know, those types who subconsciously build these barriers against socializing, yet somehow manage to talk themselves into going anyway. Then, once they arrive, they just end up feeling disappointed in themselves for the millionth time. They successfully talked their own self into an outing, only to find it was such a bust that the only thing they take away is more fuel for next time to build even bigger mental walls. It’s a cycle where they eventually fail at even convincing themselves to leave the house. It's kind of like trying to talk an asexual person into sex, since being "normal" is seen as a necessity, and you gotta be normal... you know, hitting that average mark, not standing out too much from the crowd. People are weird. Or at least, way different than your "average" American. Depending on what's driving that difference, this whole mess could be the absolute worst...

Matthew Castillo5 said:Just try whatever feels right for you and make a call. It's that simple.

When you're trying to program success through autosuggestion, doesn't it get easier if you just ask people what they think? Like, if a bunch of xyz people weigh in and say A works way better than B, C, D, E, F, or G... wouldn't that make it easier to choose? And easier to actually believe—to convince yourself that A really does work way better than all the other options?

darksurfer4 said:There are plenty of ways to go besides nuclear weapons, but if you ask me, anthrax and sarin are the real heavy hitters. Honestly, if my time comes, I have zero interest in being taken out by some random bullet or a stray artillery shell; I’d much rather face something like anthrax or sarin, simply because they sound so much more formidable...

With sarin? You'll probably just die from passing gas in the grass. Getting hit in the gut with a bullet—where your stomach contents and guts start mixing with your blood (they say "if you want someone to suffer, shoot them in the stomach")—is a brutal, long way to go. And you won't even see a bullet coming. Anthrax or sarin, or... something even harder to spot, feels like it might be a more humane way to exit. A couple deep or shallow breaths, and then poof, it's like you were never even here...

Who isn't going to feel like crap when they're doing everything wrong or just being reckless?

The world just doesn't need it?

wiredbadger17 said:Look, I know exactly where you guys are coming from, but I’m sticking to my guns on this one. Honestly, my own peace of mind matters way more to me than fitting in with any group or social circle.

And that’s an issue too? Thinking you "know what people are trying to say" implies you're reading between the lines instead of actually listening to what's being said. If someone gets provoked, nudged, or pushed into changing their mind, are they still just "sticking to their guns"? It's impossible—unless you're a statue—not to change your mind sometimes, no matter how rare a total shift might be...

wiredbadger17 said:😂 I'm not really following what you're trying to get at here 😵

"If so, how should I rephrase this? Even if it feels impossible, maybe there's a way to make it simpler, or just easier to follow?" — I wonder. 🤔

Why do you feel that way? What makes you think someone is actually messing with you? Maybe that's the issue right there. Is it possible—or does it just feel like it (maybe you're just being hard on yourself... hanging out with friends is always better when you can joke around...)—that someone is actually taking the piss?

Here's the question: if you had to choose, would you rather have someone actively mocking you, or would you rather they be completely indifferent to you? Like, they just don't care at all about your presence or anything you do... total apathy...

"Did I pull it off? I don't know, I keep doubting myself. I feel like I failed, even though it makes no sense, because I still feel totally lost." — I wonder. 🤔

wiredbadger17 said:I honestly don't get why you guys are giving me such a hard time.

Why do you think that? What makes you feel like you're being mocked? Maybe that’s the actual issue right there... For some reason—whether it's obvious or just something you can't wrap your head around—you're so wrapped up in yourself that you can't tell when someone is actually talking to you. You just assume everyone's picking on you, which probably isn't even close to the truth. Honestly, I'd much rather have people making fun of me than be completely irrelevant to them... Being "misunderstood" is one thing, but being totally ignored is way worse...

wiredbadger17 said:Seriously, what kind of drama are you guys even dealing with? Xd

What kind of problems? If there aren't any right now—meaning nothing's actually blowing up or causing some massive drama—we'll find some. We'll just put them on the market for you at a nice, reasonable price...

and that's that...