cosmicorca15 said:So, I’m pregnant again. Second time around... During my first pregnancy, the constant unsolicited belly touches and everyone asking if it was a boy or a girl drove me absolutely insane. And now? It's happening all over again. God, I hate this...
I totally feel you, ☕ it drives me absolutely nuts too.
I’ve still got like 50 days left until my due date, and honestly, I am so sick of everyone asking the exact same thing—like, do we know if it’s a boy or a girl yet? My mother-in-law thinks we’re just being secretive or whatever, but the baby is just positioned in a way where you can't see anything, you know? It’s driving me absolutely nuts, I swear. If they really care about the gender just to go out and buy clothes, then whatever, I don't care. My aunt already put together little outfits for both a boy and a girl since her own grandkids are twins, so she's ahead of the game. As long as the baby is healthy, that's all that matters to me, really. Oh, and don't even get me started on the constant comments about whether I look like a balloon or not.
Ugh, I swear, all this unsolicited advice just drives me absolutely insane. It’s not even that the advice itself is necessarily stupid—it’s just the people giving it, you know? Like, why am I getting life lessons from someone who had their first kid fifteen or twenty years ago? My coworker was actually being pretty chill about it, though—she was telling me how her daughter, who's got three kids now (the oldest is sixteen and the baby is only one), basically said that everything has changed since she first became a mom. From the practical stuff to diapers and a million other tiny little things... everything is different now. Honestly, the only advice I actually value is what we share here on the forum; all that other noise just gets under my skin. And don't even get me started on my mother-in-law. She can tell I'm not buying any of it, but she still tries. It's like, "Oh, eat some pears, they're so healthy!" and then I have to explain—for the literally four hundredth time—that I'm skipping the pears because they're way too heavy on my stomach. Then it's, "But you eat tomatoes and bacon just fine!" and I'm like, no thanks, I'm not eating bacon if I don't want to deal with all that salt bloat and water retention. Just more nonsense.
Honestly, what drives me absolutely nuts is all that constant back-seat parenting—you know, people constantly lecturing you about what to do or what not to do. Like, oh, when I was pregnant, it was always "it’s going to be this" or "it’ll act just like their uncle," it’s just exhausting, really. I don't care about all that. This kid is mine and my partner's, and we’re going to raise them the best way we know how. 😠
Ronald Williams9 said:He’s actually great—he helps out, cleans up, and even goes to all my doctor appointments with me... but today, he sent my blood pressure through the roof. I was so livid I almost lost it on him and my father-in-law.
The heat is killing me lately, and I feel absolutely miserable. Instead of just staying quiet and showing a little empathy, those two decided today was the day to start lecturing me. Like, seriously? They started questioning why I had a glass of Coke with lunch, implying that's why I'm feeling unwell. As if I haven't been sipping water all day. It's insulting, honestly. To act like I'm some idiot who doesn't know how to hydrate, or like I can't have a single sweet thing without it being a medical crisis. I don't even remember the last time I had much sugar. Honestly, I think a group of a hundred grandmothers at a local farmers market would have more common sense than these two. I just love it when they team up to deliver their "pearls of wisdom." And then there's my father-in-law, acting like I'm personally responsible for providing them with a grandchild. Like I'm nothing more than an incubator designed to produce their granddaughter on demand.
Ugh, I hate it when they start acting like experts, it drives me crazy. Plus, you can't just chug water all day—you sweat, you lose electrolytes, and then that's exactly why you feel nauseous. To get them back in balance, maybe grab a little cup of miso soup every other day, or something like Gatorade or Powerade to put those electrolytes back in your system.
James Ramirez10 said:A little humor wouldn't hurt here. Why can't we just admit that kids aren't always little angels? It's just the truth of the matter.
I mean, sure, that's true, but in like 95% of cases, isn't it actually the parents' fault? And then when you're actually looking at wanting to be a parent, you see this beautiful kid—totally polite, perfectly behaved, just great—and you start wondering if you'd even be capable of raising yours that way.
Donna Taylor68 said:ironrider20, did you just suddenly decide to go for the baby, or was it more of a "life happened" situation? good luck 👍
So, we decided to start trying back in November of last year—though, honestly, I spent most of that time overthinking everything because of my age... thinking we wouldn't have an easy time conceiving and all those other stupid anxieties, I guess. I wasn't even sure if I was ready to be a mom at the time. But, we actually conceived on Christmas morning—that much I know for sure. I’m probably not the most religious person out there, but the fact that it happened on Christmas made me feel like this baby was literally a gift from God, and it just made us feel more than ready to finally become parents.
So, I’m 35, and honestly, this constant fear has been eating at me—just wondering if I’m actually ready to have a kid, if I’ll even know what I'm doing once they arrive, you know? It's been a whole thing. Fast forward to now, and I'm almost seven months along, and yeah, the doubt still creeps in sometimes... like, did I make the right call? But then, out of nowhere, I feel this little kick or a flutter in my stomach—kind of like someone’s playing soccer or doing some tiny ballet routine in there—and I just think, "Hey, maybe having a little mini-me isn't such a bad idea." I say "mini-me" with a bit of a grain of salt, though, because let's be real, kids usually end up looking exactly like their grandma or stealing their uncle's nose. As for how I finally pulled the trigger... well, looking at my age, I figured it was basically now or never for my first one. And deep down, I just knew I wanted kids someday, whether they were mine biologically or if I ended up adopting. Now, I'm stuck dealing with a thousand different questions about whether I can actually raise them properly, all while getting bombarded with like three hundred pieces of unsolicited advice every single day. It all just goes in one ear and out the other, I guess. The only thing that actually matters is that I already love this little person so much, even if they're still tucked away in my belly. Trust me, getting over that pregnancy anxiety is no joke. It took me a solid nine years to get to this point—basically since I met my partner. Everyone deals with that fear differently, I suppose. Some people just breeze through it, while others—like me—need way more time to wrap their heads around it.
Man, I guess until he actually saw the baby on the ultrasound, he didn't even realize he was gonna be a dad... though, honestly, looking at how protective he’s been with me lately, maybe he knew deep down. It’s kind of funny because what really set him off was everyone constantly chiming in whenever they saw me, trying to guess if we were having a boy or a girl. It drove him absolutely nuts—like, if someone would insist it's a boy just because my bump isn't showing much yet, he’d just snap back with, "Well, at least let her be a girl then!" or something to shut them up. Anyway, in the mornings when I'm all uncovered and rubbing my belly, he loves to just rest his hand there and wait for a kick. But I swear, the baby already knows exactly who the dad is because as soon as he touches me, the little one just freezes up and doesn't move an inch.
Steven Harris16 said:We are beyond happy about the baby, 😍 and everything else will eventually fall into place... Thank you for those kind words 😍 And I am genuinely thrilled that everything worked out so beautifully with your pregnancies—it really is wonderful 😍(though I realize you're all much more mature than I am, so I won't overstep by acting like some obnoxious kid, haha 😁)
And hey, please just call me by my first name, okay? If you keep using "ma'am" or being all formal, I'm actually gonna get mad at you 😍
Steven Harris16 said:Hey ladies—thanks so much for all the advice. Honestly, we’re both over the moon about the pregnancy, especially since I was previously told it would be an uphill battle for me to even conceive... So, here’s the plan: I’m currently finishing up my degree, but since I'm nearing graduation, I'm hoping to have my career settled by the time the little one is old enough for daycare. Until then, well, life happens—my partner will be picking up some extra shifts alongside his studies, and my parents have been kind enough to step in and help us out. My folks aren't the type to meddle too much—at least they try their best not to 😂—and his older brother is actually pretty great, though his mother is constantly trying to get under my skin. But hey, I'll manage... I always do. We’re actually finding out in about a week what the final decision will be regarding the big day, haha. We'll see if everyone is truly on board with having the wedding within the next year or not... because, truthfully, both my partner and I are really leaning towards that idea of combining the christening with the wedding ceremony 😍
Just using my brain for a second today to say you should just be happy you're pregnant, because believe me, there are women who have everything perfect financially but can't even get pregnant. You'll get through all the other stupid stuff easily. Personally, I was lucky enough to get pregnant without any issues at 35, and it happened on the first try, too. Do you realize how much of a blessing that is? Especially since, like I said before, I actually have less money now than when I was in college.
feralpanther11 said:Look, dear, you are completely delusional. Both of you are currently unemployed and broke—honestly, being in your position right now is a recipe for disaster. How could you both be so incredibly reckless as to bring a child into this world without a single shred of financial stability or a plan in place? It’s pure negligence. And that is exactly why you find yourself stuck in this corner—you just have to sit there, keep your mouth shut, and deal with the consequences. It’s honestly a bit tragic—you’re essentially letting the older generation hold all the cards, and they’ll likely keep you under their thumb for a very long time to come. I’d venture to guess you'll be stuck living under that same roof indefinitely. Best of luck!
Look, sorry, but I think we should actually be giving her some support instead of just judging her for having a kid when things aren't perfect. Honestly, she should just be happy she even got pregnant on the first try—some people struggle so much just to conceive. And as for money... I mean, I'm working right now, but I definitely had less cash in my pocket now than I did back when I was a student.
Robin Myers said:Steven Harris16, I’m sorry you find yourself in such a mess that you feel forced to dance to someone else's tune, but I fear once you commit to that performance, you might spend the rest of your life acting as nothing more than a puppet... and 😲 one really ought to fight for their own convictions and choices. You're going to be a parent soon; you can't let your own parents make every single decision for you...
You've got a point there. They're probably gonna hear about how their folks paid for the whole wedding for the rest of their lives—or worse, if they hadn't paid for it, people would just gossip about how they didn't get all that cash the newlyweds usually walk away with. It'll be the talk of the town forever.
velvettiger15 said:🤔 I don't get it. 🤷 Why would you have to get hitched right now? And why does it even need to be this massive, crazy blowout for 500 people?
If I were in your shoes (which I'm not—I've got two kids with my partner without being married, and plenty of other girls here too 😁), I’d just do a quick courthouse thing with two witnesses and a nice dinner. Then, once the baby is a year or two old, throw the big party for everyone—and by then, you'll have had time to save up some cash so you can do it exactly how you want. 😉
👍 That's basically what I was trying to say, just a little late to the party. It honestly drives me crazy when people act like you *have* to get married just because a baby is on the way. Honestly, you might as well just drop dead, nothing else.
Steven Harris16 said:Because I have to—that's the reality. I wouldn't choose to have a wedding right now if it were up to me, but we don't really have a choice. My partner and I aren't making the calls here because our financial situation is such that we're essentially forced to let them take the lead. We'll let them pay, but we fully intend to pay them back, and we're praying that the gifts from half the guests will cover the remaining costs. The hardest part is knowing that I'm hurting both myself and my baby with all this tension; my partner and I end up bickering over every little thing, which leaves us both feeling miserable afterward. 😢 It breaks my heart that I won't actually get to enjoy my own wedding, instead just swaying around heavily 😢 and counting down the minutes until every single guest finally heads home.😢
Look, honey, you don't owe anyone anything. If getting married is what matters to you, just go to the courthouse and get it done, then deal with the church ceremony and the baby's christening later. At this point, the christening is basically going to feel like a mini-wedding anyway. Don't let them screw you over... I know how it feels, trust me. I didn't let people meddle with my wedding when they weren't even footing the bill, so they had zero right to say a word. It was nothing but constant whining—like, this aunt felt insulted because she wasn't invited, or that guy is loaded so we should get more money from him, etc. If they want to give us money, they can do that without us having to throw a whole production.
Jacob White37 said:ironrider20, where on earth did you pick up those ridiculous wedding favors?
Well, I actually got them at the bakery where I ordered my cake, but I guess you could probably pick some up at an Odds and Ends shop—I think they have a website or something where you can just order them online if you don't feel like driving out there.
So, here’s how things went down at my place: The cake situation for 60 people was actually three different cakes on one big stand—one was a Nutella parfait, another was just a plain parfait, and the third one was strawberry parfait, which was basically just white frosting decorated with roses and a little ribbon. Oh, and the topper was this funny little bride and groom figure where the guy is trying to bolt and the girl is grabbing him by the collar to pull him back (it was pretty much the same design we had on the invitations). I paid $250 for those three decorated cakes $33 (those little toppers weren't cheap, either). The bakery they used is based out of Newark, but honestly, they deliver everywhere—from the Bronx to Oakland, even way up into the Appalachian Mountains—and they are seriously incredible. If anyone needs their number, just shoot me a DM.
Justin Martinez3 said:I’m not entirely sure which "ancient traditions" you're referring to, but honestly, there are still plenty of old-school customs hanging on around here. You've got the whole bride price thing, gifting towels to the best man and the bridesmaids—and if the wedding is traditional enough, they do that at the reunion celebrations too, depending on the family. Some brides still have the best man lead them up to the altar; if the house is close to the church, they walk there in a procession accompanied by a brass band playing and singing all the way. The best man covers the church fees, there's roasting meat for the newlyweds' table, the maid of honor leads the wedding party, and when the bride starts her first dance with the guests, the best man pays to kick it off with the sponsor, and then he also pays for her to keep dancing until she finally closes the set with the groom.
I don't know how they do it in other parts of the country, but around here, the groom goes to pick up the best man first, and then he goes for the bride.
Well, that's a different story entirely—you guys actually have a ton of traditions. From the two weddings in the Midwest I've been to, there wasn't anything super specific or out of the ordinary, everything felt pretty much like any other part of America, but people were constantly going on about how Midwest weddings are the absolute best.
Justin Martinez3 said:The last one I went to—it was for a close friend—went something like this: After getting my hair done, I headed over to her place around noon. We spent some time catching up and grabbing a bite to eat while she got ready. Then the photographer and videographer showed up for the pre-ceremony shots. Eventually, the wedding party arrived to pick her up—the best man handled the logistics for her—and there was a little bit of a celebration at the house before everyone headed to the church. After the ceremony and all the congratulations, they were met outside the church by a live band playing folk music, which was a nice touch. They did a few more photos, took a little drive around town, and then headed to the reception hall. From there, it was non-stop energy: dinner, dancing, cake, gifts, the formal dance with the bride, and finally the couple’s exit. Later on, the party just kept going. That's basically the drill.
So yeah, basically nothing different than any other wedding in America. And here I was thinking it was something special, like these super old-school traditions or something.