Posts by quietranger14

amberheron64 said:So, I have a question for you all,
Let's say our friend here is a size 44—and we’re talking about how her pants seem to just give up the ghost right between the thighs after only a month or two—whether they were high-end brands like Wrangler or just some budget stuff from a big-box store.
Based on what you guys have dealt with, do you actually know where to find pants that are... well, sturdier? Specifically in the crotch area? I need something that isn't going to shred itself through sheer willpower.
It feels like a silly thing to ask, I know—but honestly, these jeans I picked up at Macy's just last month already have a hole in them.

I picked up some black jeans from Macy's last year—wore them basically every single day—and they only started fraying recently... so, they lasted about seven months. Honestly, not bad—pretty much on par with stuff from Benetton or Playlife.🙂

Well, today’s looking up a bit—I think I actually nailed that exam, which definitely helped my mood.
Still, life isn't all sunshine—I'm still dealing with some headaches, specifically trying to get my head straight with that guy from the local ADHD support group.

Kyle Watson8, I didn't quite catch your drift there, but what you wrote was pretty poetic and honestly kind of depressing, so here's 😘 to you—whether you're feeling down or riding high.

Honestly, coming here to vent is the best part of my day! It’s nice to feel like people are actually listening... it's not a bad feeling.

Kyle Watson8 said:Look, quietranger14, you really need to talk some sense into these boys. 😍 😘

I’ve decided I’m going to write him a song instead. 🙂

Oh, poor little boy from the lowlands,
your reputation precedes you in this kingdom of love.
With your luck blessed by nothing but fool's gold,
honestly, who could ever see you coming? 😍
Oh, poor little boy from the lowlands,
bound by such a twisted fate, 😁
treading down a dusty, broken road.
Oh, poor little boy,
who could ever hope to claim a soul like yours? 🙂

Honestly, I’d rather just take a wooden spoon to the head—or maybe let my mom handle that part for me. 😬

I’m clearly a hypocrite with zero authority here—coming in to lecture a kid when I don't have all the answers myself... but hey, at least I'm trying, right?

James Allen6 said:Maybe that is just enough to offer some comfort. I am actually one of those people with those proportions. I am naturally thin, my metabolism runs incredibly fast, and honestly, you might think I am happy about it, but I am not. 😠
I eat constantly just trying to keep anything in my system. Ever since anxiety hit me, my appetite basically vanished. My main struggle is simply trying to maintain whatever weight I have left.

I suppose we all want something different instead of just accepting our imperfect bodies.
And yes, even I feel attractive and confident during my best moments...😉

😘Hey, I didn't mean to offend you if it came off that way—so, sorry if I did.
I know all about that miserable anxiety—and the crappy antidepressants, and whatever else they prescribe to deal with it, along with all those "great" side effects. I know people say it doesn't matter, but right now, it matters enough to make me feel desperate. Damn, if only this would all just stop—if I could just stop caring. Why is the world such a garbage fire that it turns you into... well, something else entirely? And then leaves you alone to patch up your own wounds.
What kind of nonsense is this anyway? Why can't we all just be beautiful?
I know I'm rambling, but I don't really care. Who decided on these trashy beauty standards and these impossible criteria nobody can ever meet? Who is all this crap supposed to make happy? If kids aren't even happy, how is anyone in this world supposed to be? Even kids aren't happy—by age five, they already know that being overweight or skinny means they won't be liked, though they haven't quite realized yet that you're supposed to wash your hands after using the bathroom.
I honestly don't get what's happening here.
Anyway... I'm going to go study, maybe I'll actually learn something useful. 😬

Paul Sullivan said:I suppose society is mostly to blame for these kinds of prejudices. Personally, I tend to prefer women with more presence, and I'm probably not alone in that. From what I can see in most social circles here in the States, those girls are often the most fun and charismatic. Please, don't let this get to you; it might make things easier. It seems like you already have enough on your plate. To me, being curvy is a noble trait. Honestly, forget the dieting. The world decided that the "ideal" body has to be thin, and everyone just follows the crowd, but that doesn't mean you won't be attractive to a guy or a group of friends. In fact, you will. Believe me, many would trade places with you in a heartbeat—maybe without the bad memories, but if you focus on the good childhood memories instead of pushing them away, you'll likely be much happier. Best of luck.

Thanks luckily my boyfriend feels the same way 🙂
I get the logic intellectually—one half of my brain knows what's up—but the other half is basically revolting against itself for various reasons. I know there's no point in weighing 95 pounds at 5'8", and I don't want that anyway. I actually love my curves (during my best moments), and I know half the girls in the universe would kill for a size 4, but when your head isn't on board, none of that matters. Besides, some of the most beautiful women I've seen in real life weren't exactly toothpicks. If I could just fix my mindset, everything would be fine.
Thanks for the post, I'm blushing. Damn, I really need to stop doing that

William Scott18 said:Until you're 18, or maybe even 20, being the "cool guy"—loud, aggressive, and wild—is what draws girls in. That's what they fall for at that age.

After that, I'm not entirely sure what matters since I haven't quite hit that stage yet, but confidence definitely plays a huge part, and you build that during those early years.

That's why I say guys who have had girlfriends will deal with choices sooner, while those who haven't end up with lower confidence and are left on their own. It makes it harder to try, and even harder for girls to show interest.
If you studied psychology, you might already know there's literature out there about this.

I'm not trying to lecture anyone, just stating facts—things are often much easier for women than they are for men.

quietranger14, I hope my college experience improves too, though I'm not expecting much. If you expect too much, you always end up disappointed.

Since you’ve never actually had a girlfriend—how exactly do you know what women are looking for? If you actually give a damn about girls like that—well, good luck to you. Honestly, just buy a keychain with a Mercedes-Benz logo on it and smoke some Marlboro Reds—that's plenty. And there you have it!

William Scott18 said:Until you're 18, or maybe even 20, being the "cool guy"—loud, aggressive, and wild—is what draws girls in. That's what they fall for at that age.

After that, I'm not entirely sure what matters since I haven't quite hit that stage yet, but confidence definitely plays a huge part, and you build that during those early years.

That's why I say guys who have had girlfriends will deal with choices sooner, while those who haven't end up with lower confidence and are left on their own. It makes it harder to try, and even harder for girls to show interest.
If you studied psychology, you might already know there's literature out there about this.

I'm not trying to lecture anyone, just stating facts—things are often much easier for women than they are for men.

quietranger14, I hope my college experience improves too, though I'm not expecting much. If you expect too much, you always end up disappointed.

Hold on a second—confidence isn't some scoreboard based on how many girls you've dated. I went through a phase where I was seeing guys left and right—honestly, looking back, I almost wish I hadn't—but what makes you think those numbers actually matter? Who cares? Only shallow people, if you ask me.
If you think landing a girlfriend is going to magically fix your self-esteem—spoiler alert: it won't. You can't go looking for someone else to fill a hole that’s already there.
I figured the exact same thing—but after getting burned a few times, I finally realized it honestly doesn't have anything to do with it.
Having a girlfriend in the past just means you’ve got experience—it isn't some magical boost to your self-confidence. Confidence isn't something that grows on trees, and you won't find it sitting at the bottom of a beer bottle—it's something you have to build inside yourself.

William Scott18 said:Until you're 18, or maybe even 20, being the "cool guy"—loud, aggressive, and wild—is what draws girls in. That's what they fall for at that age.

After that, I'm not entirely sure what matters since I haven't quite hit that stage yet, but confidence definitely plays a huge part, and you build that during those early years.

That's why I say guys who have had girlfriends will deal with choices sooner, while those who haven't end up with lower confidence and are left on their own. It makes it harder to try, and even harder for girls to show interest.
If you studied psychology, you might already know there's literature out there about this.

I'm not trying to lecture anyone, just stating facts—things are often much easier for women than they are for men.

quietranger14, I hope my college experience improves too, though I'm not expecting much. If you expect too much, you always end up disappointed.

In what sense? Men deal with PMS, cycles, and giving birth too—it's all part of the spectrum. Changing diapers—do husbands actually step up for that? I'm not so sure. Seems like it’s just as much of a grind for everyone involved. Still, I wouldn't trade being a woman for anything—at least we have way better options when it comes to clothes. 😬

William Scott18 said:Until you're 18, or maybe even 20, being the "cool guy"—loud, aggressive, and wild—is what draws girls in. That's what they fall for at that age.

After that, I'm not entirely sure what matters since I haven't quite hit that stage yet, but confidence definitely plays a huge part, and you build that during those early years.

That's why I say guys who have had girlfriends will deal with choices sooner, while those who haven't end up with lower confidence and are left on their own. It makes it harder to try, and even harder for girls to show interest.
If you studied psychology, you might already know there's literature out there about this.

I'm not trying to lecture anyone, just stating facts—things are often much easier for women than they are for men.

quietranger14, I hope my college experience improves too, though I'm not expecting much. If you expect too much, you always end up disappointed.

Look, the lower your expectations, the less there is to lose. If you go looking for the good stuff, you'll actually find it... it’s basically science. It's like those kids who assume everyone likes them—they walk into a room more confident, make more friends, and suddenly, yeah, people actually do like them!!

Lawrence Jackson79 said:Just stop stressing over every little thing. Whatever happened in the past, just move on.

Spoken like a true revolutionary—matches the handle perfectly!!
If you can solve world hunger while you're at it, then maybe we'll talk about you being a big shot!!
I'm cured!!!

William Scott18 said:Yeah... It’s never the right time... Not at 19, and probably not after... Like things just magically get easier as you age... Everyone else is out there falling in love and living their lives, while I'm stuck with nothing...
As if I'm going to find someone at college... Probably not, since everyone there already has experience by the time they're 18 or 19...

Anyway, I don't want to derail this conversation, it's not about me...

Look, if you spiral like this in your own head, that's exactly how your life is going to feel. If you carry that mindset onto a campus, don't be surprised when nothing happens—you're basically deciding the outcome before you even start. It's on you; we could spam you with advice all day, but it won't change a thing if you don't want it to.

The hardest part is just saying, "Okay, I'm done with this." Believe me, I get it. It's hard to take responsibility for your own life because as long as you keep thinking this way, it's always someone else's fault—it's bad timing, a bad horoscope, or you can just blame God for everything. You have to make the call, and it’ll probably be the toughest decision you ever face: deciding to finally grow up and actually take the wheel of your own life.

And honestly? No matter how heavy that choice feels, I’m glad I made it. Being an adult is actually pretty great.

Richard Moore53 said:We are rooting for you with everything we've got.😘

🙂 Thanks 😘 I'm feeling great!

William Scott18 said:quietranger14, I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through right now...

I haven't dealt with things quite as heavy as yours, but I was bullied back in middle school. I wasn't even short or weak, they just targeted me because they knew I wouldn't fight back...

By freshman year of high school, things got so dark that I almost dropped out. I fell into a deep clinical depression and even attempted suicide. Ironically, just when the bullying finally stopped, I hit rock bottom...

Now I’m a college freshman. I managed to pull myself out of that hole, met some people, and started getting my life together, but I still deal with so many issues I can't seem to fix...

Throughout high school, I spent all my time watching everyone else hooking up and being affectionate. It felt like being thirsty in a desert while someone else pours water out right in front of you...
I've realized that saying "love will come" is pretty hollow. I'm 19 now, and it feels like love only finds the people who are already well-connected or just incredibly lucky...

You have a boyfriend, which is great, but for me, I feel like I'll never find a girlfriend. Honestly, I feel like I might end it all sooner or later... it's hard to live knowing that...

I just keep thinking everything would've been different if that bullying hadn't happened...

Whoa, hold on a second. Let's take a beat and look at the big picture here.
Basically, I was looked down on and physically picked on back in middle school, and by high school, people just hated me or avoided me—which honestly terrified me. Then, two years ago, I ran into an old classmate and we grabbed coffee. During our chat, I asked him why nobody ever wanted to hang out with me back then, and he just told me straight: it's because you were weird, and because you didn't try to hang out with anyone either.
I kept playing that conversation over in my head until it hit me—he was right. I don't blame anyone else for it; at the time, I just didn't know any better. I didn't know how to approach people, and even when someone did try to reach out, I’d find a way to screw it up. It was the same thing with guys. I was partially responsible for my own isolation (with some help from my dad).

But college gave me a clean slate. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by decent people worth putting effort into, so I actually put in the work. I try to be different—I push past the anxiety, strike up conversations, and realize that everything is fine. People actually like me and respect me (obviously not everyone, because that's impossible), and they want to hang out—and that didn't just happen by magic. You have to make it happen.

For instance, I was the one who texted my current boyfriend first, and wouldn't you know it, he liked it, and we've been together for over two years now. And if it eats at you that you haven't had a girlfriend yet, or slept with anyone, let me tell you—my boyfriend was a virgin until he was 20. I was his first, and I'm honestly really happy about that.

The point is, you have to work for what you want because good things don't just fall into your lap. Now you have this chance at college to start over. Nobody there knows you—they don't know you were bullied, or that you've never had a girlfriend, or that you're withdrawn. That's stuff only you know, unless you choose to share it with certain people.
At my university, nobody knows what I went through—that my father was abusive, that I attempted suicide, or that I struggled with depression. Nobody even knows I've been overeating lately; when people ask if I've put on weight, I just say yes, so what?
No one ever needs to know what's going on inside my head. And I've managed it—everyone thinks I'm the happiest person on earth.

You can do this. I believe in you.😘

But hey, thanks for the good vibes, Sarah Wood8 😘

Sarah Wood8 said:quietranger14, I haven't had the chance to dive deep into this entire thread yet, but I think the most important thing for you right now—especially after what you went through—is not losing faith in people, particularly men. Are you seeing anyone? How much do you still trust people?
Usually, when someone goes through something this horrific, they don't just lose their self-confidence; they start looking for ways to take it out on others. They start thinking everyone is trash or that all men are complete jerks, and so on and so forth. I really hope that isn't the case with you. Because honestly, the three worst things that can happen are losing faith in yourself, losing faith that good people actually exist, and losing faith in love.
The idea that you are worth any less, or feeling some kind of way about your value, is total nonsense, and you need to realize that first and foremost.
Once you find that one person who truly loves you for who you are, gives you their full attention, opens up their heart, and shows you just how unique you really are, all those complexes and frustrations stemming from what happened will finally fade away.

Faith in humanity is slowly trickling back, though it takes a massive amount of effort before I let anyone get close. I have a boyfriend—been together over two years now—and he’s been the one who worked the hardest to earn my trust. Not gonna lie, it wasn't an easy climb for him.

Sarah Wood8 said:quietranger14, I haven't had the chance to dive deep into this entire thread yet, but I think the most important thing for you right now—especially after what you went through—is not losing faith in people, particularly men. Are you seeing anyone? How much do you still trust people?
Usually, when someone goes through something this horrific, they don't just lose their self-confidence; they start looking for ways to take it out on others. They start thinking everyone is trash or that all men are complete jerks, and so on and so forth. I really hope that isn't the case with you. Because honestly, the three worst things that can happen are losing faith in yourself, losing faith that good people actually exist, and losing faith in love.
The idea that you are worth any less, or feeling some kind of way about your value, is total nonsense, and you need to realize that first and foremost.
Once you find that one person who truly loves you for who you are, gives you their full attention, opens up their heart, and shows you just how unique you really are, all those complexes and frustrations stemming from what happened will finally fade away.

Yeah, if it were actually that simple, I'd be cured by now. Seriously. I don't think I could have stumbled upon anyone better than my guy, but he's incredibly patient with me—he puts up with my (unconscious) testing and constantly reminds me how much he cares and how special I am. I'm grateful for that; on the days when I hate myself so much it feels unhealthy, he's the reason I actually leave the house. But my frustrations, fears, and whatever else... they haven't vanished yet. Today is just the day I'm finally taking the first step. Me proud on myself! 🙂

Hey everyone!
It’s been a minute—I’ve basically been off the grid just trying to find some peace and quiet away from everyone else... and honestly, it did me a world of good. I finally sat down and caught up on all the posts by 😍 Kyle Watson8. Feeling a lot more centered and positive now.

So, I finally made a decision: tomorrow, I’m heading to an appointment with a specialist from a local eating disorder foundation. Everything still feels like a bit of a mess, but you have to start somewhere—and talking to someone actually smarter than me seems like a solid first step. It’s officially time to go to war against my own self-sabotage—the low self-esteem, the binge eating, the OCD, and God knows what else.

Wish me luck!🙂

I’m with you—my "normal" diet went completely out the window once the meds started. My psychiatrist put me on Xanax first, and man, I just slept. Like, slept for days... months, actually. I put on a few pounds easily. I was taking Xanax in the morning and at night, so basically, as soon as I woke up, I was heading right back to bed. Then I ended up in the hospital, where they switched me to Paxil—suddenly I couldn't eat a thing all day, felt hyperactive, and dropped about twenty pounds in a month and a half. But then they swapped the meds again, and I was back to sleeping through the day and gaining all those pounds back, plus some extra. I just lost my way with food. Before the medication, my weight was steady—then boom, everything changed, and I still can't get back to my old routine.
I tried letting go the same way you did, thinking I could just start eating normally, but it’s not working. I honestly don't even know what "normal" looks like anymore. Today, I managed three regular meals, and the only thing keeping me from running to the bathroom to purge or just skipping food entirely is the little bit of knowledge I have about bulimia and anorexia. Even so, I know that by tomorrow, nothing will stop me from overeating again.
The weight is weighing on me heavily, even if it's not much higher than my usual, but knowing that doesn't help one bit.
I've been thinking about signing up for something—maybe a class or a hobby—now that I actually have some free time. Maybe that helps, but who knows? Even if I did lose weight, I wouldn't even know what my "ideal" weight would be. What would actually make me happy? I'm scared I wouldn't even recognize a limit because, honestly, I don't love myself at all right now. God, I hate how much I dislike myself; I'm embarrassed to even leave the house. I try to avoid mirrors, but it doesn't really work. I catch a glimpse and it's just... ugh. I need to change something!!!!

Thanks, but I actually found a potential therapist, so I'm going to see how things go with her first...

Ugh... I want to talk about something else that's been weighing on me lately. It feels like I might have an eating disorder—specifically binge eating...

I didn't even realize this could be classified as a disorder until less than a month ago. Then I stumbled onto a forum about it, and we even touched on it briefly in one of my college classes...
I eat way too fast, and I usually eat alone because I’m embarrassed by how much I consume. I just keep going until I feel sick, which inevitably leads to all that guilt and self-loathing. This cycle has been going on for about two years now—I just don't have a sense of moderation. I can go all day without eating and still feel terrible because I overdid it earlier, yet I only feel "okay" when I'm dieting—because that's the only time I feel like I have control over my intake and can actually gauge how much I've eaten. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone here knows more about this specific disorder? If you do, could you please share some insight?

🙂 Thanks... though I think I definitely need some professional help 👎
Luckily, I'm studying psychology—so I can actually spot the weird stuff happening in my own head. I'll need to sort it out myself, which means finding a solid therapist and having a ton of willpower, too... but thanks for the advice anyway. Maybe I should just get back into drawing or writing instead. That's what actually makes me happy. 😘

So, does anyone have a solid recommendation for a therapist here in Washington, D.C.? I've finally decided to actually deal with my issues instead of just ignoring them—which isn't working, by the way—but I'm totally lost on where to even start looking.

Kyle Watson8—I’d love it if you could share what actually worked for your self-confidence. Any advice, personal stories... I'm all ears.👍

Kyle Watson8 said:quietranger14, darling 😘 I’ve been sitting here reading your story, and honestly, it’s so heartbreakingly moving that I actually broke down in tears. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

I’m really not one for handing out unsolicited advice—everyone’s journey is entirely unique, and we all have to find our own way through the woods. I could certainly write out what helped me rebuild my own self-esteem, though I suspect I might as well be speaking a foreign language to you right now.

I just wanted to reach out and say, HEY LOVE 😘 it's a beautiful world. A deeply sad, yet beautiful world. 🙂 🙂

The path ahead of you will be an uphill battle, my dear, but you’ll be the first to reach the summit because you were the last one to start the climb.

And I was laughing through my tears while reading this! Thanks! Gave me actual chills 😘

hiddentrucker16 said:People aren't good—they're just hypocritical bastards...🙂 🤮

Full of double standards and nothing but lies... honestly, I’ve grown quite weary of the human race.🙂 🙂

Don't be like that—you can't hold everyone to that standard. The ones you despise or can't stand? Someone else actually likes and respects them..
Besides, when you say "everyone," does that include you too?? 😕