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Sure, some people claim they want to get out more, but then they struggle with social anxiety and find even basic small talk with strangers absolutely draining.
I’m living in Germany and experiencing the exact same thing. To me, it just comes down to comfort and laziness.
People say they want to hang out, but then there's always an excuse—too far across the city, too rainy, too cold, too hot, or they're just paranoid about strangers.
27-year-old woman here. Looking for some girlfriends in Washington, D.C. to grab coffee with, go out, or just vent about life. Ideally looking for people around my age.🙂
I ended up getting my partner a cactus—well, more like gifting it since it sprouted from one of mine and was just overjoyed to exist 😁
The little thing is barely two centimeters tall, though. So cute 🤣
slypuma17 said:The issue with chronic lying is that once someone spends enough time deceiving others, they eventually start believing their own stories. They effectively sabotage their own psyche, which feels like a sort of poetic justice. 😁
It's a psychological phenomenon; maintaining a lie is incredibly taxing, so the mind starts embracing the falsehood just to lighten the mental load.
Once she begins to believe the things she's saying, it becomes difficult to claim she's actually lying—because even if the facts don't align with reality, in her own mind, it's the absolute truth.
That’s why some people can be so "unscrupulous"; they aren't performing a charade anymore, they're living in their own version of the truth. 😢
So there's nothing I can do here... I suppose I just have to let her deal with this mess on her own.
It's tragic.
Unfortunately, yes. We're talking about the entire architecture of her self-image. To confront her directly and force her to face those lies would be like pushing someone out of a plane without a parachute—the fallout could be catastrophic.
She has to learn to accept who she really is and find a way to live with herself. And that is never a simple task.
It’s pathetic. She’s dug such a deep hole for herself that she won't be able to climb out. 😢
I almost feel bad for her, though she certainly earned this. People have plenty of opinions about me, good and bad, but I’m not going to spend my life fabricating a persona just to please them.
Anyway, I just hope one day she realizes what she's done...
slypuma17 said:She’s finally hit upon a hard truth: most people don't actually want to hang out with "saints." They have zero interest in someone who is supposedly devoid of vices, flaws, or those messy, dark secrets we all carry.
People find comfort in the company of flesh-and-blood humans—people who drink too much, smoke, chase after lust, and make questionable life choices. Saints exist to be admired from a distance, not to be invited to the party.
It isn't really about admiring their "inner beauty" or nobility; it’s more about the ego boost we get from looking at someone who lives a "righteous" life and feeling superior to those wandering down a darker path.
That’s what she’s realized, and now she’s terrified of being an outcast. She’s worried that if people see her for who she truly is—someone without the late-night benders, the reckless hookups, or the drug habits—she’ll just be seen as "boring" and conventional. In her own mind, she thinks she might actually be right. 😬
So, how does she move past this? 🤷
Maybe she'll eventually realize, as the years pass, that this whole performance is a waste of time. It’s a common cycle in that age group: one year they're playing the rebel, the next they're playing the saint, but they never actually settle into being themselves because they're too afraid of being uninteresting. At the heart of it, she doesn't love herself, and there isn't much anyone else can do to fix that.
You're right... I don't think she'll ever stop. She's too smart for her own good, and she's buried herself so deep in lies that she probably can't tell truth from fiction anymore. I honestly don't get how someone can lie to their friends' faces after all these years...
There's nothing I can do here. I have to let her deal with her own mess.
It's pathetic.
hiddenhawk3 said:Honestly, I don't really get why she deserves her own thread in the psychology section😁
Should I ask a moderator to open a thread for this? 🙄
I can't exactly say it to her face; she’s far too sensitive for that. I've tried taking the indirect route and just avoiding the subject entirely, but nothing seems to work.
We embraced her a long time ago. We tried getting her to join us more than a few times, but for those first three years, she wouldn't budge—she was always glued to her own crowd. Now, suddenly, she’s the one constantly asking to tag along.
I honestly can't make heads or tails of her. 😕
I'm not quite sure which sub this belongs in, but this felt like the right spot...
I have a friend. She’s always been a genuinely good person—straight-A student, reliable, polite, organized, you name it.
Then, during her sophomore year of high school, it was like she just grew tired of being seen as the "good girl." Suddenly, she started fabricating this persona of a wild party girl who lives for the nightlife.
Out of nowhere, she starts claiming she’s slept with dozens of guys, lost her virginity at twelve, went on trips to Europe with some guy when she was ten, or tells these elaborate lies about getting proposed to last Valentine's Day. She talks about partying every weekend and drinking constantly. Everyone knows it's nonsense, but nobody wants to be the jerk who calls her out, so we all just let the lies slide. We haven't even met any of the "friends" she claims to hang out with, despite us all being close for four years now.
She’s 18 and a half now.
I don't get the motivation. What’s wrong with being seen as a responsible, decent person? Have we really reached a point where you have to pretend to be a reckless hedonist just to feel accepted?
Whenever she starts spinning these yarns, I just ignore it and change the subject. I've noticed it's grating on our other friends too, and they're starting to tune her out. But she won't stop; she finds a way to bring up sex or something equally desperate almost every single day.
What do you all think? How can I make her realize how exhausting this is without having to be brutally blunt about what I actually think of her?
Mine was eight days late this time. If it stayed that way every month, I’d actually be thrilled. 🙂