wiredmoose3 said:Sigh...😍 🙂
Here we go again—another perfectionist drowning in guilt because the rest of the world doesn't fit her specific, rigid mold. Or rather, she fails to meet her own standards—though she’d never admit to having any—and to avoid showing actual anger (God forbid she displays a real emotion; that would shatter the illusion of her own flawless composure), she’d much rather retreat into a corner with a faint, patronizing smile and a heavy dose of self-reproach—unconsciously playing the part of the quiet, composed aristocrat...
So, Jesse Peterson5, what is it you're actually afraid of? What's scarier than this pointless self-flagellation?😢
Because let's be honest: guilt is one of the most useless emotions a person can harbor. It achieves nothing beyond self-destruction—which, believe me, is never pretty—and it solves absolutely nothing. If anything, it just keeps you spinning in circles. Feeling guilty won't fix things, and it certainly won't change people. They’ll stay exactly the same, whether you’re feeling guilty or not—get it?
And really, why is expressing an emotion so terrifying to you? What are you hiding from?😢
This whole perfectionism thing is just a mask worn by people who haven't made peace with themselves—and by extension, don't love themselves. Since they lack a sense of their own worth, they hunt for external validation... but satisfying everyone else is an impossible task. You have to be perfect to do it!😳
The roots of all this usually go back to how we perceived our surroundings growing up...😢
In general, guilt is merely a symptom. You need to find the cause. What you described is just stirring up the silt at the bottom of the pond—it makes the water murky. Finding the actual source isn't pleasant; it's exhausting. It requires courage and willpower... but it's worth every bit of effort.🙂
👋
I’m not quite the perfectionist you’re making me out to be. If I actually were, I wouldn't be crawling to people on a forum for advice; I’d already have the whole thing mapped out in my head, demanding everything look exactly how I envisioned it. Plus, if I were that intense, I probably wouldn't view everyone else as perfect beings like you do—but I don't see it that way. I guess I am a perfectionist in the sense that I hold myself to high standards. I know what I'm capable of, so it messes with my head when I don't hit the mark or even give it a real shot. Honestly, I think most of us should react that way. Missing out on things because we're afraid to try, or lowering our standards just to play it safe—or worse, convincing ourselves we aren't good enough—doesn't seem healthy to me. To me, that’s a much bigger issue than my version of "perfectionism."🙂
I don't feel guilty just because the world doesn't bend to my will or meet my expectations. I only feel bad if I fail to live up to my own principles—but that doesn't give me any right to demand everyone else follows them too. We all have our own set of rules, whatever they may be. Honestly, the worst thing you can do is claim "I think exactly like you," because let's face it: that's impossible.
I know what I expect from myself, and honestly, sometimes I just fall short. I’ll feel down for a couple of days, but then I get back to work on it. I deal with guilt regarding my actions, but there's a distinction there—my expectations are strictly about me, whereas my actions involve other people. Failing myself isn't the same thing as letting down someone I actually care about. It's easier to let myself down because I know I can pull myself together and fix it. But disappointing someone else? That’s different. No matter what you do, you can't undo that. My guilt comes specifically from asking myself why I didn't step up when I had the chance, and that feeling stays with you.
4. My emotions—I rarely show them because I think it’s just plain crazy to start screaming at someone just to prove a point like, "Hey, look, I'm pissed off." 😁😁 It doesn't make sense to me—just because I don't act a certain way doesn't mean I'm not feeling anything. If I'm happy, I’ll show it. If I'm pissed off, I’ll just laugh in their face until they walk away. If I'm confused, I'll just say, "Yeah, I'm lost." I still show emotion; I just do it on my own terms. 😉Sometimes I think I’m too impulsive with my emotions. Honestly, I can't stand crying in front of people. If I’m going to have a breakdown, I do it on my own. I don't see the point in dragging someone else down with my tears when, at the end of the day, I know I'll get over it and I'm not going to be sobbing for the rest of my life. It's not like I have some perfect image of myself to maintain. But I do push myself to meet the goals I set, mostly because I feel like I deserve them—especially if they're vital for my future. Personally, life wouldn't even feel worth living if I didn't have expectations to chase. That said, I refuse to step on anyone else to get what I want. I'll always find a way to hit my targets without trampling over people to get there.
5. My behavior hasn't been an attention grabber before because there’s just no point in it. What I feel, I feel for myself—not to put on a show for anyone else. I think everyone needs to sort their own feelings out internally before bringing them to others. Honestly, trying to get attention by acting out isn't worth the effort if what you're doing isn't actually meaningful.
6. I can handle most things right now, but I can't escape that gut-wrenching guilt that hits after I mess up and have to face the music. If someone hurts me, or if it's some trivial nonsense, I don't feel guilty. But if I violate a core moral principle I actually live by—especially if my actions cause someone else pain—that feeling is intense. In those moments, I just want the ground to swallow me up; it sticks with you. I try to make amends as best I can, but that weight stays because I feel like I let myself down.
7. To me, guilt isn't some useless emotion. If you do something wrong, you're supposed to feel it. Take a heavy example: if someone kills someone incredibly close to you, would you really care whether they felt guilty or not? 😕 The outcome is the same because your loss is still there, but you won't feel the same way inside. It's impossible. When you've done wrong and you repent, the person you hurt feels that weight (unless they're the type who thinks guilt is pointless), and seeing that remorse provides a sense of closure. People who don't feel guilt, in my view, just don't care about others. They act like it doesn't matter if they mess up or not since the end result remains the same anyway. 👎
8. My perfectionism isn't about meeting other people's expectations; it's strictly about how I hold myself. I've mentioned this before. Sure, if you set massive goals for yourself, it's hard for others to watch you fail, but that's not my issue. My issue is being too restrictive with myself. I still love and respect who I am, but I deal with daily guilt. It's hard to explain how that affects my self-love. It's probably because when I meet my goals, everything is fine, but when I have to fix a mistake, it leaves a "mark"... it's a bit complicated to put into words. 🤷
9. I'm looking for the root cause, too. Most of the time, I find it, and I try to work through it on my own. I'm keeping this discussion general, though, because listing every single mistake a person has ever made in their life would be a bit much. 🤣.