Posts by Olivia Chavez3

I honestly think this whole perfectionism thing—this obsessive drive to crush every single goal—usually stems from some kind of rejection you dealt with back in childhood. Personally, I’m way too much of a perfectionist; I’m basically my own worst enemy at this point. It’s that constant "inner critic" that just ruins everything and leaves me feeling miserable. That voice in my head is convinced I haven't achieved nearly enough, no matter what I actually do. Sometimes, it genuinely drags me down into a depressive funk.

Look, ambition isn't a bad thing—it's the fuel that keeps you moving. The smartest move is to play the long game with your career: figure out where you want to be in, say, ten years, and start walking that path. The real trouble starts when things don't go according to plan and you're left dealing with massive frustration or just plain impatience. I guess you eventually have to develop some actual tolerance for failure. You learn that through experience—mostly by slamming your head against a wall for years. Eventually, you realize nothing happens overnight. Careers are built brick by brick, always keeping that target in sight. And hey, sometimes you pivot; if one path hits a dead end, you just head in a different direction. It's about the journey, not just the destination. Plus, you have to learn how to shut up that inner critic that's never satisfied with anything you do.

Gerald Gomez43 said:Hello, everyone.
I went to start a new thread about interpersonal dynamics—friendships, romance, the whole spectrum—only to realize this one already exists.
I’m really looking for some real-world perspectives from others.
To be blunt, due to a mix of past traumas and my own inherent nature—I’d describe myself as quite guarded and emotionally distant—I have this recurring impulse to dismantle my relationships once they settle in. It’s a tendency toward self-sabotage, likely driven by a repressed fear of being hurt again. I find myself sabotaging both friendships and romantic connections constantly. This isn't the kind of sabotage where I act out to torment someone else or play the victim; rather, I tend to retreat into myself, pull away, and succumb to this nagging feeling that I simply don't deserve the people in my life. Eventually, the connection withers under that distance and just snaps. Naturally, most people don't have the patience for that kind of emotional withdrawal, so my inner circle has become quite small over the years. If anyone here has dealt with this and found a way through it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you're still struggling with it, please feel free to share; I'd just like to know if I'm alone in this. I recognize the root cause, and while I've considered seeking psychotherapy, I wanted to see if there is any specific literature out there or if people can just share their experiences first.
If anyone feels too uncomfortable posting publicly, feel free to send me a private message.

Honestly, just Google "disorganized attachment in adults." There’s a ton of stuff out there—articles, deep dives, plenty of YouTube videos.
The truth is, if the damage was done during childhood, you can't really "fix" it in the traditional sense—it's just part of your wiring now. But, you can get better at catching yourself in the act. Once you understand the pattern, you can hit the brakes and go, "Okay, there I go again," before you end up sabotaging everything. At the end of the day, just being hyper-aware of your own headspaces and how you react is probably the best tool you've got.

I’ve got my own version of this—this so-called "friendship" that’s been draining the life out of me for years. We were best friends back in high school, but she’s been blowing me off for ages. It happened once before where we drifted, then pulled back together, and now the last few years have just been one massive, exhausting roller coaster. It’s brutal when you’ve known someone forever, but honestly, sometimes you have to get pissed off just to realize you've finally had enough.
I actually had to go to therapy (I was seeing someone for other stuff, but we ended up touching on this too) to finally wrap my head around the fact that I actually have the right to cut someone off. Especially someone like her, who provides zero support and just constantly chips away at my self-esteem—which, let’s be real, wasn't exactly peaking to begin with.
Elizabeth Wilson3, you don't need a friend like that, and I definitely don't need one like mine. They don't actually want to hang out with us, they just won't say it to our faces. It’s basically like a breakup; you just gotta do your own thing, move on, and find a new crew that actually wants to grab a beer with you.

I remember one time I was so incredibly pissed off that I grabbed a pair of scissors and just started hacking away at my hair. Yeah, okay, that’s definitely a red flag. Honestly, I was in such a dark place that I actually wanted to end it all—but obviously, that wasn't an option—so instead, I just murdered my gorgeous long hair. 🤣 It took about a month after that meltdown before I finally reached out for some psychiatric help. That whole episode was basically just the opening act for my complete mental breakdown.
So, look, it might mean something, or it might not. Plenty of guys shave their heads just because it's a style choice; it doesn't always signal a crisis. Just talk to him—pay attention to how he's acting normally.