Posts by Matthew Clark3

ruggedtinker9 said:I suppose the specific brand matters less than the substance itself; if you get an extract at a 10% concentration, it tends to work quite effectively. However, I suspect that something like Coca-Cola isn't necessarily geared toward memory enhancement, but rather toward inducing a sort of calm mental state or perhaps increasing overall productivity... almost like an anti-stress measure to boost your own capabilities.
Using a few drops of Celastrus paniculatus oil, I find that memory performance improves drastically. 😉

Thanks for the heads up... I initially decided on the Gotu Kola, so that'll be my starting point. After that, I'd love to give that Celastrus paniculatus oil a shot. Although... I did a little Googling and couldn't find anything about it on any American sites 🤔. Do you happen to know where I could pick some up here in the States? These prices abroad are a bit too much for me right now, so I'll wait until my finances are a little better, but I definitely want to try it eventually.

ruggedtinker9 said:Perhaps you might consider experimenting with certain substances designed to enhance memory and cognitive focus, such as GoT, Bacopa monnieri, or Celastrus paniculatus... There are certainly other options available if you are interested, so please feel free to ask. I suppose it is important to note that these typically require consistent administration over a period of time before one notices any significant effects, but in my own experience, they are quite effective when used properly.

This might help... Since you've actually used this stuff, could you recommend a specific brand for, say, Gotu Kola? There are so many sketchy companies out there, and I don't want to waste money testing which ones are legit...

rowdyharbor15 said:I honestly have no idea what kind of help you're looking for until you actually say it. Everything can be boiled down to a single elevator pitch if you try hard enough.

It’s like this: if there are eight of us in a room, you’re the guy who wants that blonde girl, even though you haven't even spoken to her yet. And you’re also the one who’s going to be pissed if someone else makes a move first.

So, start thinking. You know exactly what you want; you just need to stop running in circles.

I find myself drawn to these threads because I see everyone struggling lately. It’s a chain reaction—one person's misery pulls the next person down. People will do absolutely anything to hit their target. We’re all mission-driven. And equally predatory.

Life keeps moving, but the moment you spot something you want, you fixate. You pour your entire mind into getting it—whether it’s a new Ford, the latest iPhone, or "that" certain thing.

And that’s exactly where the suffering starts.

You want a job, but you bombed the interview.
You’re studying for an exam, and some idiot professor fails you.
You want cash, but some jerk refuses to lend you a dime.

Then there are the physical obstacles. You see a mountain in your way, so you decide to tunnel straight through it.

But among us humans, the only things getting in your way are other people. If it were up to me, I’d take them out with an arrow one by one. Personally, I find the era of kings much more intuitive. Back then, if you said the wrong thing, they’d just take your head off. There was a natural order to things.

Today, we’re all supposedly equal, which really just means we all suffer mentally.

Someone mentioned in a previous post that bosses today actually have to work to keep their positions because it's so easy to get fired. They're basically living in a flock of sheep. Bosses used to be actual leaders; now, they have to treat the sheep as equals.

And if you caught my drift...

You are essentially a boss within your own mind. And you have this unfinished mission stuck in your head that torments you and slowly kills you, simply because you repeat it every day without ever actually achieving it.

You’ve hit a wall.

There isn't a single person on this planet who hasn't hit a wall at some point.

The difference is that some people are great at faking it, or they’re just spineless enough to bounce back and act like nothing happened. They have no backbone, yet they thrive in today's world. The brown-nosers, the cops, the security guards, the secretaries... those types.

If you’re an eccentric individual in this day and age, you’re in trouble. The sheep have taken over the smart roles. Every high-level position is filled by sheep who can't stand predators or anyone with an eccentric edge.

It’s always obvious who the smart person in a discussion is, and it’s just as obvious who’s going to try to screw them over and who’s going to team up with the losers.

Look, I already said exactly what I needed without all the fluff—advice, stories from people who’ve been through it, or anyone who managed to break through that wall you mentioned.
And honestly, I don't know why you're here just to clutter the thread with useless chatter that doesn't offer a single constructive response to my post. Frankly, I'm just not interested right now. If you're frustrated about something else, go start your own thread or find one that's already active, but this isn't the place for it.

Michael Harris20 said:Any conscious attempt at control eventually hits a breaking point. It's like walking or breathing... imagine if you had to think about every single breath and how much oxygen you were taking in. You'd end up breathing differently every time and eventually lose your mind (unless you actually enjoy that kind of thing—and I know some people 🙂 do). That's why breathing is unconscious.

I think sometimes it might actually be better to know a little less rather than forcing it... unless you have massive capacity... then it's easier (though even those people hit a wall eventually).

I don't know, but I think you just reached a boiling point. Once you became aware of the "pressure," you started overthinking it, and everything got tangled up. You're probably naturally someone who likes having things under control, or maybe you prefer being guided, so those traits likely bled into your work or this current stage of life. When your brain ran out of credit, it led to burnout.

Between all those mental maps, stress, caffeine, demands, aging parents, loans, and everyone else's expectations... we connect everything to ourselves. Honestly, I don't think anyone today hasn't gone a little crazy in one way or another.

I'm not sure what advice to give you. Maybe take a month or two off and do absolutely nothing. Go somewhere where you usually feel at peace. You won't miss out on anything by stepping back right now. Perhaps you just need to recharge... once you do, your pragmatic brain will start working for you again. Those drawers will start functioning normally. 🙂

Everything you just said hits the nail on the head. Exactly that.

Michael Harris20 said:Any conscious attempt at control eventually hits a breaking point. It's like walking or breathing... imagine if you had to think about every single breath and how much oxygen you were taking in. You'd end up breathing differently every time and eventually lose your mind (unless you actually enjoy that kind of thing—and I know some people 🙂 do). That's why breathing is unconscious.

I think sometimes it might actually be better to know a little less rather than forcing it... unless you have massive capacity... then it's easier (though even those people hit a wall eventually).

I don't know, but I think you just reached a boiling point. Once you became aware of the "pressure," you started overthinking it, and everything got tangled up. You're probably naturally someone who likes having things under control, or maybe you prefer being guided, so those traits likely bled into your work or this current stage of life. When your brain ran out of credit, it led to burnout.

Between all those mental maps, stress, caffeine, demands, aging parents, loans, and everyone else's expectations... we connect everything to ourselves. Honestly, I don't think anyone today hasn't gone a little crazy in one way or another.

I'm not sure what advice to give you. Maybe take a month or two off and do absolutely nothing. Go somewhere where you usually feel at peace. You won't miss out on anything by stepping back right now. Perhaps you just need to recharge... once you do, your pragmatic brain will start working for you again. Those drawers will start functioning normally. 🙂

I think part of the issue is that I haven't done anything for too long. The drawers have rusted open and I can't just slam them shut like I'd love to—they need to be greased slowly so they slide smoothly, but that's the part I'm struggling with. I don't know how, because I don't see any progress since I started greasing them ( 😂 good analogy ) and then I just lose it 🙂

Michael Harris20 said:Yeah... maybe try stepping away from the field for a bit. Trust me, finding something else to focus on for a few weeks really helps. That is, unless your livelihood depends on it right now, because you can't afford to miss out on new material—though I'm not sure how much that even matters.

My life doesn't depend on it, but I've decided to change my way of living—or rather, my way of not living. If I let go of this now, I'll let go forever, and I don't want that.
But thanks for trying to understand. 😉

Michael Harris20 said:Matthew Clark3, what does "burnout" actually feel like?

I mean, everyone goes through periods of feeling drained, irritable, or unable to focus... some people are practically living on ten cups of coffee just to stay upright...

Is there a link between that and being a workaholic?

Yeah, for me, the first time was definitely tied to workaholism because I piled way too many extra responsibilities on top of my actual job. It got to the point where I couldn't absorb a single new piece of information. Everything I already knew just turned into mush; I completely lost my grip. It’s like you have a million tiny drawers and you keep stuffing things into them until they barely close, then suddenly all the drawers just burst open and everything scatters everywhere, leaving you totally lost. And look, I’m no genius—just an average person who pushed herself way too hard. But the fallout stuck. Now, years later, whenever I try to learn something new for my career, it happens to me every single day. It's maddening when you feel like your hands are tied...

Thanks, Nicholas Gonzalez8. It seems like others either aren't going through this or they’re just ignoring my struggle because they don't know how to respond. The thing is, I have the willpower—plenty of it—and the energy, too, but after just a few minutes, I just... shut down. I hit a wall. I try taking it slow, but there really isn't any other way to do this. Then it triggers this whole secondary cycle: my self-esteem takes another hit—which, as I mentioned, isn't exactly high to begin with—and that leads to stress, which then brings on the panic attacks. My career requires constant learning and, above all, logic, something I've clearly lost at this stage of my life. Physical labor that doesn't require much thinking isn't an issue for me. But I can't wrap my head around the idea of doing that for the rest of my life (if I can even find a job at all). I don't want to spend my entire existence as a janitor, for instance, or just being someone's errand runner. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against that kind of work; I've done it before and I could do it again. I wouldn't turn down a job just to have something to do. And I don't think cleaners or anyone in those roles are less intelligent because of their jobs, but I still can't accept the reality that I might be forced to apply only for those positions because my brain just won't function the way it used to.

I hit total burnout at my last job. I just completely detached, snapped, and fell apart. Honestly, my anxiety and panic attacks played a huge part in that, along with a massive lack of self-confidence. I left that role, stumbled into another one shortly after, was laid off due to downsizing, and well... here I am, out of work for three years now despite searching constantly. Those three years have been more downs than ups—just a constant internal battle. It’s pretty much the classic experience for anyone dealing with my specific mental health struggles. There were times I probably would've ended up in a psychiatric ward if it weren't for my family; they always managed to pull me back up, even if that isn't a permanent fix. (Not really the point of this post, but I felt it was worth mentioning.) So, what is happening to me now?! Over these three years, between the anxiety and bouts of laziness, I've let my mental state slide significantly. Even though I think the meds we take eventually take their toll, it shouldn't be hitting me this hard. Recently, I decided to dive back into studying my field to improve my job prospects and hopefully rebuild some confidence. But then, this happens. After all this time, once I actually pick up the books, I burn out in literally fifteen minutes. You might think I'm exaggerating or being unrealistic, but I swear it's true. I try to absorb something, learn it, understand it... and within fifteen minutes, I lose it. I lose my temper, my focus, my interest... I just can't go on and have to walk away. It feels like there's this physical blockade in my brain that I just can't break through. Because of that, I've been struggling for two weeks now and I'm getting nowhere. At this rate, I won't achieve anything. That's why I'm reaching out—has anyone else gone through this? Any advice on how I can change this pattern?

Does anyone know where I could snag some of those tiny little bottles, like the ones you get with an Orangina drink?!
I know they won't give them out at the local corner store because they just take them back empty or whatever. So, I'm not really looking to buy them—maybe someone's just tossing them out and wants to get rid of them? I could definitely use them...

He passed away a long time ago, but we weren't really close. I loved him because he was my dad, but I never once heard a kind word from him, let alone got a hug... we were more like distant acquaintances. All he ever gave me was this bone-deep fear of his authority, which is why I still struggle with self-confidence today. It’s a similar story with my mom, maybe even worse.

Maria Reyes4 said:Unfortunately, I suspect that once you hit 30+, there are really only two ways to feel independent:
1. You actually achieve independence—which necessitates a job, financial stability, and some level of autonomy from others.
2. You brainwash yourself with various mantras until you're convinced you're independent, even though, realistically, you aren't—you just tell yourself this and that to cope.

People use all sorts of mental gymnastics to survive life; they convince themselves of fairy tales just to find the strength to get out of bed in the morning. It works for some people—I don't know—maybe for them, that *is* life and they aren't missing anything.

To me, that feels like merely performing a life—and I wouldn't recommend it as long as there’s even a sliver of a chance to live a real one.

Use the time you have to build your knowledge and skills. Volunteer. Start making crafts. Read stories to kids in hospitals. Learn. Sign up for 100 free courses on Coursera and finish at least five of them. Do something—anything—and keep applying to 100 places, whether they're hiring or not. Yes, even apply to places that aren't posting openings; you have nothing to lose. Don't quit, and keep pushing until you can finally stand on your own.

Good luck.

The mantra thing is the only advice I haven't tried yet. 🙂

Sean Cruz said:Do you have friends? I mean real ones—people you can just go for a walk with, rather than just meeting up at a cafe or somewhere that requires spending money.
One way to gain independence is to simply be out in the world; being active socially might lead to discovering job opportunities you wouldn't find otherwise.

Are you holding out for a career in your specific field, or are you looking for anything at all right now?

Of course, a setup like this takes a toll on your mental health. It's especially hard when you're dealing with a mother who undermines your confidence by treating you like a child instead of an adult. It sounds like she might be trying to keep you dependent out of a fear of her own loneliness. Does she try to micromanage your dating life or influence who you choose to be with?

These are excellent suggestions.

I’ve already walked enough miles to know every corner of my neighborhood.
And yes, I am looking for any kind of work, not just stuff in my field. I've been through so many empty promises from colleagues and acquaintances regarding jobs, but it always ends up leading nowhere.
No, my mother doesn't influence my choice of partner or my love life.

Actually, maybe I misstated the topic because it feels a bit misunderstood. Regarding being independent, I know how it works and what needs to happen. Obviously, you can't do much if you don't have a financial foundation, and it's not like I wouldn't do it if I were able to.
The question was whether it's possible to feel like your decisions actually matter when you aren't independent—since you have to involve another person in those decisions because you rely on them.
It's okay for a short period of time, but when you're forced to function like this for a long stretch, you start losing yourself and questioning everything... whether you want to or not.
Unfortunately, it looks like you can't. At the end of the day, everything comes back to work—without it, you aren't really your own boss.
People always say "it's not all about the money," and sure, I get that, but I’d argue that money equals freedom.
So, thanks for trying, guys, but it seems there just isn't some other magic answer out there...

Andrew Mendoza10 said:Without cash, you have nothing—no matter how much people blow their trumpets claiming money isn't everything. It’s actually a massive part of just about everything.

I get it. Without a job and some cash coming in, you're stuck. I know plenty of people out there facing the exact same struggle I am, and I just wanted to see how everyone else is coping. Are you feeling that same sense of dependency and lack of independence? I'm looking to see if others share these experiences... maybe find a little comfort or some advice along the way.

Douglas Gray8 said:I’d have to laugh at this one, honestly😂but I’m keeping my cool.

You're over 30 and asking how to become independent, how to be considered an adult,
and how to actually make decisions.☕
Look, most eighteen-year-olds in America are already expected to have a direction,
and many leave their parents then. But I get why you wouldn't just walk out on your mother because your father isn't in the picture. As for the lack of jobs, that's a struggle facing hundreds of thousands of Americans nationwide.

You say finances are tight? If they weren't, I’d suggest going to college.

Go ahead and laugh or take offense if it makes you feel better...
The question was about how to feel independent given the circumstances. Just try living for three years without a job or any financial autonomy—relying entirely on someone else—and then see if you'd still be asking how to feel like an independent person, or how you'd treat the person footing the bill.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention. I already have a degree.

How do you actually feel independent when you’re stuck in a situation like this? Is it even possible? When I was younger, I didn't give it much thought... I felt like the world was mine, just like any other kid. But things change. Life changes you, and sometimes not for the better. I haven't been working for quite a while now. It’s frustrating because jobs just seem to pass me by, despite hundreds of applications. I’ve always lived with my parents; my father passed away a long time ago, so it’s just been me and my mother ever since. There were times when I worked and went to school, so I had a sense of independence even while living under the same roof. But since I stopped working, we've been living off her Social Security. It isn't easy, but we make do. Personality-wise, we’ve never seen eye to eye. We are just too different, and now that we're stuck together, it’s escalating. She treats me like I’m still a child, even though I’m well into my 30s. Talking to her doesn't help—I've tried countless times before finally giving up. It has left me feeling like a kid who can't make a single right decision. My self-confidence is basically gone. Since I am financially dependent on her, it takes a massive toll on my mental health. Is there any way to feel like an autonomous adult in a situation like this? How? Any advice would be appreciated. (And please, spare me the "just find a job" comments... believe me, I would if anyone would actually give me a shot.)

Paul Newman5 said:The addiction fear is real. But what's the alternative? Hopefully, once this period passes, I can taper off slowly over months if needed. People stay on Helix for years... not an excuse, obviously, but sometimes you just don't have a choice.

Honestly, being on my antidepressant alone (just bumped up to 150 mg of Effexor recently) wouldn't be enough for me without the Helix. I always try to check in with others first to see what they've dealt with, though it usually boils down to exactly what you said: "if you have to, you have to." If things get bad, I'll probably wait until I'm at my breaking point to ask for the 0.5 mg dose. For now, I think I'll stick to 0.5 mg twice a day instead of the three times a day my shrink prescribed. Jumping straight to three doses feels a bit much... thanks for the input!

Paul Newman5 said:Which poisons specifically? The AP, the AD, or the anxiolytics. Personally, I'm off the AP entirely, I take Messer, and the AD by day three. I'd love—really love—to not need any of it. But I have to. I’d give anything to be back where I was a year ago, just bursting with energy, before all these pills were even on my radar.

Jason Vaughn482 said:And what exactly is the alternative? Are we all expected to pace around our living rooms in a state of complete mental collapse? Besides, I have to wonder—what exactly is your own poison, and how on earth did you even stumble upon this corner of the internet in the first place?

Honestly, just stop giving people like that any more of your energy... they only show up to act like they know everything anyway...
It’s like we’re all doing it because we want to, not because we actually need to... honestly, just ignore it...

Paul Newman5 said:I’m on 0.5 mg three times a day. My doctor at the Mayo Clinic just switched me to the 1 mg extended-release version and said I could take that three times daily too, but that sounds like overkill to me, so I’m skipping it. When things get really bad, I usually boost my morning 0.5 mg with an extra 0.25 mg. Since I started taking Wellbutrin three days ago, the 0.5 mg in the morning is plenty. For sleep, I use Lexapro; it works for me. I used to use Ambien, but I guess it’s too weak now. Try the Xanax—if 0.25 mg does the trick, great. If not, go to 0.5. It's not quite as rigid as being on antidepressants, at least in my experience.

Right now I'm on 0.25mg of Helix, but it isn't cutting it anymore and it feels like it's losing its edge. My therapist recently recommended bumping up to 0.5mg, but I haven't seen my doctor yet to get the prescription. I’m constantly torn... part of me wants to increase it, but the other part is terrified of becoming addicted. But given how bad things are right now, I know I’m going to have to take a higher dose eventually. Since I keep taking this 0.25mg every so often anyway, I might as well just move up to 0.5...

For those of you using Helix in your treatment—whether it's just as needed or on a set schedule—are you sticking to 0.25 mg or moving up to 0.5 mg?
Also, is anyone else taking Normabel to help with sleep? I use it to take the edge off so I can drift off, though it doesn't work every single time...

Hey everyone, quick question here......
With my antidepressant, I usually take one tablet in the morning.
Since my sleep schedule is all over the place, I don't really have a set wake-up time. Some days it’s 9, other days it’s 10 or 11...
Does it matter with this kind of medication if I don't take it at the exact same time every day, like you would with antibiotics?!

Matthew White4 said:That’s awesome for you, Milligram!!

@ maiam
I’ve been on antidepressants since back in 2006. Honestly, I’ve cycled through at least ten different kinds, and for me, Effexor XR 150 mg was the absolute game-changer! For a good stretch—maybe two years—I was doing 2x37.5 mg in the morning paired with 200 mg of sulpiride. But then last year, around May, things really started going downhill, and my psychiatrist finally put me on Effexor XR 150 mg, just once in the morning. It was like being reborn! I never even dealt with side effects; it just clicked with my system perfectly. It turned me into this open, smiling person who can actually handle whatever life throws my way. It doesn't make me gain weight, and I don't deal with that weird fatigue or euphoria everyone talks about... I just feel totally, perfectly normal. It absolutely crushed the depression, and if anxiety tries to creep in, I just take some Xanax 0.5 mg and I'm golden. Now I also take one 2.5 mg Olanzapine at night, which completely fixed my insomnia.
Long story short, I've had nothing but good vibes from Effexor.

Glad to hear that. It feels like my depression is finally starting to lift, but the anxiety and panic attacks are still hanging on. I’ve noticed that almost everyone on Effexor seems to be using something else alongside it too. I’ll definitely talk to my therapist about it at my next check-up. For now, I’m just sticking to Helix or Norvasc whenever needed.

Matthew Clark3 said:Hey everyone,

I'm curious about your experiences with Effexor. For those of you taking it, when did you actually start feeling a difference? How long have you been on it, and what dosage are you currently at? Also, do you find it works better if you take it in the morning or at night?
For me, I started with 37.5 mg at night for five months, then moved to 75 mg in the morning for three months... now I've just been bumped up to 150 mg in the morning, though I've only been at this level for two days.....
To be honest, I haven't felt any real improvement during this whole stretch, but my psychiatrist keeps insisting I stick with it.
I also have Lexapro and some stuff for as-needed use. Otherwise, I'm mostly struggling with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks.

I’m probably being annoying by doing this, but I’ll quote myself one more time....
Is there seriously nobody here besides some random person who has actually used this and can give me some real insight?! I assumed this was a pretty common medication, but clearly not 🤷 or maybe everyone is doing so well they don't need to hang out on Psychology Today anymore 😁