Hmm... I don't see where I called anyone a "brainless idiot," and honestly, I have no idea what's so "high-and-mighty" about me just refusing to be your stereotypical pregnant woman—you know, the one who acts like a total pushover for everyone and everything. That’s just never been my vibe, in any version of reality! And hey, I definitely know what osmosis is... thanks for the heads-up, rustynomad12!🙂))) And heaven forbid I turn into the Terminator or something! Lol. I just refuse to play the victim like most people do. Whatever happens, happens—I can handle it. I’m definitely not talking about ALL pregnant women, just, you know, most of them. Yeah, okay, some are crybabies, totally wiped out by hormones, or just super insecure and anxious (just like me!). But look, being a little older means I get certain things a bit better than someone younger might, who's still struggling with the basics that are actually within their control. Hormones and fears aren't a free pass for every single thing a pregnant woman does... truthfully, most pregnant ladies I run into are just exhausting and a bit much for me. But those two? They are absolutely perfect—totally chill and normal. So, give me one good reason why I wouldn't end up being part of that group! Good luck to you guys too!🙂)
Pregnant, currently in week 6... (had three positive tests, just waiting for my doctor's appointment next week..)
1. I’m staying far away from all those "new moms" and their crowds. Honestly, I just can't deal with anyone trying to tell me how their pregnancy went or what problems they ran into... it's exhausting.
2. I know I’ll have plenty in common with other pregnant women—we'll probably act similar or react to things the same way—but my life patterns are totally different from most people. Why should pregnancy or birth be any less individual than anything else?
3. My parents and my boyfriend's parents have my total, unconditional support, but I'm definitely the type to say, "Thanks, but I'm good," or "No thanks, I'll pass..." That goes for everything, especially this. I’m not letting anyone push me around or waste my time with empty chatter.
4. I still smoke maybe two cigarettes a day, and since I'm 36, I'm fully aware of the world around me (I work, I commute on the subway, and I'll keep doing exactly that as long as I'm physically able). I'm not flipping my entire lifestyle 360 degrees just because it's "what you do now" or "how it's supposed to be."
5. On Saturday, I celebrated with a few friends over a couple of glasses of red wine throughout the evening... pure bliss, but with some self-control applied.
6. Yesterday, I even had a little shot of Pelín to toast with my brother... joy oh joy!🙂
7. I told a handful of people—some coworkers and everyone who is actually normal enough not to stare at me like I'm some kind of miracle. Most people don't even know, and for good reason. It's none of their business, and I feel zero need to broadcast it on Facebook or chat about it over coffee...
8. I only really hang out with three people: one friend who gets me better than anyone, and my boyfriend, who loves and respects me and keeps me from becoming one of those annoying, "conspiratorially united" pregnant ladies...
9. I couldn't care less about buying Mustela, fancy strollers, designer baby clothes, or high-end cribs. I'll get everything secondhand—whatever is cheapest and works. I'd much rather spend that money on a great dinner with my guy, a good book, or a piece of jewelry that makes me happy.
10. As for advice like, "Oh no, you won't sleep ever again!"... please, spare me. First off, I know. Second, I'm actually looking forward to this new chapter and seeing life through a new lens. Sleep is the least of my worries... as is everyone else's smug little satisfaction in worrying about me. Big deal, right? I'll survive. For everything else, I've got concealer and makeup, which I have no intention of giving up until the day I give birth.
11. My eating habits are actually great. I don't have random cravings or a sudden urge to eat everything in sight, especially junk food. If you didn't learn to live without junk when you weren't pregnant, well, welcome to the club now that you are.
12. I've started skipping forums and threads like "pregnancy problems." I used to read them out of curiosity, but now I realize they aren't stressful—they're just funny, unless we're talking actual medical or hormonal issues. Complaining about "gaining weight" is pointless. Don't overeat. Period. Everything else is normal and will settle down eventually!
13. I'm flying to Germany twice—once in week 13 and once in week 18. I am freaking excited! I hope everything goes smoothly so this trip becomes a beautiful memory of my pregnancy... the little one is going to love it.🙂
14. Names like "little angel" or "princess"... yeah, no thanks. I have a very high immunity to that stuff. I get why people do it, but I'm the type of person who gets the creeps if my boyfriend calls me "sweetie" or "honey." Thank God he doesn't call me that.
15. I have an adorable cat at home and I'm not getting rid of her unless it's a total emergency. The baby is the priority, but I'm sure we'll find a way to coexist peacefully.
16. Haha, someone else picking my baby's name? Or giving me naming advice? Not a chance. By the way, my boyfriend and I already agreed on names, whether it's a boy or a girl.😉
Basically? Don't sweat it. There's zero reason to stress until some "expert"—God forbid—decides there's actually an issue. Just live your life! Honestly, ignore the people who think they're helping but have absolutely no clue what’s actually best for you. Go out, grab drinks, hang with friends, and just make it crystal clear to all those busybodies that you aren't interested in their input...
That's my take, anyway. It's my relatively sane view on what should be a totally normal, natural thing called "pregnancy." Yet, here we are in the 21st century, and everyone is still obsessing over it and making things way more complicated than they need to be...
Good luck to all the ladies out there! And hey, if your mom is actually chill, just ask her for advice and call it a day. 🙂)))))))))))))))
(Hehe, and yeah, this is officially my first and last post here. Peace out! 🙂))
Guys, I’m honestly worried you’re missing the whole point here... maybe I’m just missing it, but I don't see depression in this... mkay? All I see is people failing to grasp how the world actually works and the simple fact that you have to go out there and engage in a little Borba just to carve out your own space...
Dennis Bailey2—everything you said is spot on. That's exactly what I try to do, though maybe I don't lean into it hard enough or with enough intensity... I am definitely not a depressed person, not even close. Honestly, I'm pretty grounded... so there was way more irony in my post than actual whining... The urge toward suicide is very much a real thing, I've realized that more than a few times...
Just to add my two cents to this thread: I am constantly fighting the urge to look people straight in the eye and tell them exactly what they are—you know, morons, idiots, total hypocrites... And when I talk about "fighting," I really mean this internal battle—just trying to master my own impulses and that dark, heavy urge to just give up on life entirely ...every single day... It reminds me of that Dostoevsky quote: "If we could truly see how the world works and uncover all its secrets, we wouldn't have anything left to do but sit on the curb and cry..."
Sure, that would be the easy way out, but let’s be real—that sounds like you're just making excuses because you feel powerless to change things. But hey, you can always change them... I’m guessing you’re stuck in a tiny small town where maybe it feels "justified" that your husband spends his days doing absolutely nothing, just drifting along without ever trying to land a real job or actually improve your lives... It’s super obvious you’re mostly worried about him messing up. It looks like you’re more focused on coddling him so he doesn't feel like a "failure" than you are on actually making yourself happy... And honestly? Saying you'll "try" to think about it is basically the same as doing nothing at all. In other words, if you want to pivot your life (okay, a little sarcasm there—you *could* end it all, but maybe hold off on that option for a second...), make your kids actually happy, find some peace of mind, and kick this depression to the curb, you really need to ask yourself who is actually worth all this constant energy, stress, and money. You need to figure out what is WORST that could possibly happen...
So, from what I can tell, you think the worst thing would be leaving him and going somewhere else (assuming you have a place to go) just to clear your head and think... I don't mean leaving forever right this second, but just stepping away for a bit to see how things play out... Are you scared for him? Honey, he isn't your child! He’s a grown man, not someone who can't take care of himself, but you've trained him to "blackmail" you into staying!! Just pack your bags if you have a spot to go, and let him figure things out on his own... now, if he were disabled, that’s a totally different story... But if he’s physically and mentally healthy, please, I am begging you, find the guts to use the Supreme Court of your own conscience and pull your life out of this mud...
If you need someone watching him, call the police. If he won't stop calling, block the number or get a new one. Once you take that very first step, everything else just falls into place...
But honestly, it feels like you aren't even sure what you want. You're drowning in guilt, and deep down, I think you're actually scared for yourself, not him. You're terrified because you have no idea what life could look like outside of this mess... But what if it looks 150 times better? What if you’re actually happy and satisfied?
Do you truly want to stay with him? And if not, what is actually stopping you? (Aside from those "excuses"—like him calling you constantly, harassing you, or hurting you...)
Make a firm decision on what you want and go for it. Seriously, do it today! Tomorrow is such a slippery concept anyway...
Okay, look, I think you might be a little lost here... The way you laid everything out was super confusing, so let me try to break it down and simplify things—please jump in and correct me if I've got this wrong:
You’re working hard, making good money, but you’ve got a husband who basically ignores you. He’s just living in his own little world and won't lift a finger to help with the grind. He even gives you this "encouragement" to sleep with other people just to bring in more cash, and then he acts all offended if you ever decide to leave him. You feel bad for him, and now you're stuck in this headspace where you actually want to punish yourself (thinking about death)
Honey, what is your actual problem here....?
From where I'm sitting, I just see a big pile of illogical, scattered thoughts. I don't see one specific issue besides the most obvious one: you need to get away from your husband because clearly, being with him isn't working for you anymore... Are there any other details? Like, who are you actually supporting—him, kids, do you even have kids? What is truly eating at you in all of this?
David Watson8 said:I find myself circling back to the idea of death quite often—as if it’s the only logical exit strategy left for my current situation. I used to be a relentless optimist, truly, right up until things started sliding downhill a few years ago. Now, it feels like I’ve just reached my limit with everything; part of me thinks it might be time to simply depart, though—to be perfectly blunt—I lack the courage to actually follow through on that. Even as I write this, there’s this massive weight, like a heavy stone pressing against my chest and throat, making it hard to breathe... I’m living a life that doesn't belong to me, yet I can't find the strength to change any of it because I refuse to cause pain to the people in my life. Any advice would be appreciated.
Come on, talk to me, what’s actually the absolute worst-case scenario for YOU if you decide to live by your own rules, your own mindset, and your own decisions—even if those people get hurt? 🙂
Way to go, electricranger74! I was literally just about to type the exact same thing... Trauma isn't just some magic trick triggered by a single name...it’s the long-term fallout. A name alone can't "cause trauma," but when you mix it with constant bullying and people constantly belittling someone's spirit or intelligence, yeah, you end up with a totally traumatized person... I honestly don't get why parents pick such ridiculous names and then act all shocked when the kids get teased by everyone at school... Either do some actual research or teach your kid how to handle it since most people won't know how to react to a "creative" name. Or, better yet, just don't give your kid a silly name just so you can boost your own social status or feel fancy...
Is it actually possible for someone's thread to carry some kind of deeper meaning... I mean, if a total mental breakdown isn't considered a profound psychological consequence, then what on earth is the point of even having this debate??