Posts by hollowscout57

There’s plenty of oregano and tomato paste, and the cheese is excellent without being overly salty. Honestly, the crust hits that perfect sweet spot—it isn't paper-thin like those authentic Italian styles, but it’s also not that heavy, greasy mess you see in typical American joints. If I were making it myself, I’d definitely toss in some perfectly roasted eggplant, artichokes, or olives.

Or maybe just stick to the cheese and some shaved truffles. Actually, why not go wild and put shaved truffles over all that veggie goodness too? Why not! 🤷

I also really appreciate it when they slice it for me at the shop, because my knives at home are always dull, and let's be real, I'm usually way too hungry and impatient to bother with any cutting myself.

I honestly couldn't bring myself to ever lay a hand on a child. It would feel like I was breaking some fundamental law of nature or something. To me, there’s just nothing more unnatural than someone stronger using their power to hit someone weaker.

Those are exactly my kind of people—the ones who can look a disaster right in the face, laugh it off, and somehow manage to find a silver lining in just about anything.

Matthew Lewis84 said:I woke up today feeling like I’ve somehow lost my sense of pride along the way. I know exactly where and why it happened—it was at work, and it was because of guys who just kept walking out on me. I’ve always had a decent opinion of myself, and honestly, I still do, but I’ve started minimizing everything I’ve actually accomplished. I used to be full of positive energy, genuinely satisfied with who I am. I was proud. That didn't mean I was rude or looked down on anyone.

So, I decided to do some digging online about what "pride" actually means. On some American sites, I kept seeing these messages claiming that pride is just excessive self-confidence or bragging. They say pride makes you strong but not happy, or that it creates a massive wall between people, or that if you truly care about someone, you have to swallow your pride and cave in...
Then I switched over to more standard English resources. There, pride was defined as self-respect. It was the satisfaction of knowing you did something right. A sense of worth. The fulfillment you feel after crushing a difficult task.

It seems to me that some American perspectives completely conflate pride with arrogance.
If we aren't proud of ourselves and don't radiate that confidence, can we actually be happy or kind to others?
Just the other day, I spent my entire evening doing a favor for this guy who couldn't care less about me, even though I was head over heels for him years ago. He tracked me down on Facebook and asked for help. I said yes immediately, without a second thought. Then, exhausted after a long shift at work, I sat at my computer for four hours just for him. Now, I know I did a good deed—one that will benefit others too, not just him—but I wasn't happy. I was actually pissed off at myself because I don't know how to say "No." Because I always stomp on my own dignity just to be "nice" to everyone else. One person at work treated me terribly, and then had the nerve to ask me for a favor afterward. Give me a break! Of course I'll do it for you.
Actually, that's not even the point. The point is that somewhere along the line, I lost my backbone. People tell me I'm pretty, attractive, smart, and I just laugh it off. They tell me I need to "get out there" or "find myself." I was never proud of my looks; I was proud of what I achieved. But I lost that feeling because I started viewing pride as a character flaw, like it was just being stuck-up. In reality, pride is good. Pride is exactly what those English definitions describe.

So now I'm asking you: how do you view pride? Are you proud of yourselves? You should be. You ought to be proud, satisfied with who you are, and happy with everything you've become. Right now, my mission is to do some work on myself and find that pride again.

I was raised to carry myself with pride, and since my family really emphasized that growing up, it’s just become a core part of my identity. It's hard to even imagine what kind of person I would've turned out to be if I had been raised in a totally different environment.

Personally, I see this trait as a total positive, and I'd actually equate it to having a healthy sense of self-love. It isn't about being arrogant at all; it's really just about having deep respect and love for yourself and for the people around you.

Relationships are basically the ultimate catalyst for growth and maturity. If you aren't out there connecting with people, it’s pretty much a mathematical certainty that you’re going to stay stuck exactly where you are, never evolving.

You honestly can't uncover the deeper layers of who you really are until you start interacting with other people—and I don't mean those shallow, surface-level small talk interactions, either.

It’s like that old saying goes: there’s a massive difference between theory and reality. It’s just like how kids often walk around thinking they’ve got the whole world figured out because it makes sense on paper, but once they actually step out into the real world, they realize things are a whole lot more complicated than they imagined.

neonmason86 said:I read somewhere that all those insecurities—picking the wrong partners, constantly needing validation, trying too hard to prove ourselves, or feeling fundamentally inadequate—all stem back to our early relationships with family members.
In other words, if we were raised in a healthy environment where our self-esteem was nurtured and we were encouraged to pursue our own goals and desires, we probably wouldn't struggle later in life to recognize when someone else's behavior is making us feel small or less worthy.
I'm sorry I didn't save the link to that site... there were a few articles on the subject that seemed pretty insightful.

I totally agree, though honestly, it makes me so frustrated thinking about how much other people's baggage can mess with our lives. It feels like we don't even have free will sometimes, like we aren't truly living our own lives but are just reacting to a mountain of leftovers from a past that happened decades ago.

ironrider11 said:That whole obsession with needing to manipulate and control things...
it can get pretty intense sometimes...
mostly focused on "i didn't see it in myself" type stuff; just being self-centered...

So what, am I just manipulating myself? What does that even look like?

Terrible avatar choice, by the way.

Yeah, if anything, I'm more of a masochist than a sadist, though I'm probably not even really that either.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Look, they're draining you dry... that’s why this keeps happening.

Yeah, I get that feeling all the time, but honestly, since it seems to happen with pretty much every guy I get close to, I'm starting to wonder if maybe the issue is actually me rather than just them.

Look, I’m definitely not some high-maintenance person, and I don't find myself draining everyone else's energy either—if anything, I’m more of a giver because people just seem to gravitate toward me. Most folks actually tell me they feel better after we hang out.

When I'm flying solo, my confidence is through the roof and I feel totally composed, but the second I get tangled up in a relationship of any kind, all hell breaks loose and I spiral into this massive pit of insecurity.

At the end of the day, I guess I'm just looking for the same thing everyone else is: to be truly seen and accepted for who I am.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Interesting... what kind of ways?
I could finish that sentence for you—unless you're trying to dodge the topic?!

Whether it's being too casual or being a total workaholic, everyone's got their own little quirks, I guess.

Thomas Nelson25 said:So you're saying you don't play 'games' with guys? ;D (especially when it's a crew you can't even trust... unusual, isn't it?)

Honestly, maybe it's a good thing they see you that way—I mean, what else would you want? Maybe you're an intellectual, maybe you've got a deep soul, but to them, it doesn't matter... it all just ends up being part of the warmup.😉

Do you really have to play games? I don't think I do, though who can say for sure. A psychologist once told me I was being manipulative, but I never actually noticed that about myself.🤔 Seriously,

I guess everyone just sees you through a different lens.

Thomas Nelson25 said:so you basically need someone with high reliability... low scores tend to lean toward pessimism and seeing everything through a gray lens.

They aren't actually pessimists, though—I try not to label people like that, but they prove their mindset in other ways.

William Thompson59 said:Man, you totally stole my thought there :P
You really need someone with actual backbone—someone who loves you and makes you feel, I don't know, secure...

It's probably just your hormones acting up... how old are you anyway?

My hormones are totally fine, I'm perfectly healthy. I'm 26 years old.

William Thompson59 said:I mean, it’s probably just hormones...
So, what else actually gives you a confidence boost?

Wait, whose hormones are we talking about here—mine or theirs?

Setting romance aside for a second, my confidence really peaks when I’m totally lost in something I love doing. But when it comes to relationships, that feeling only kicks in when I’m deeply loved and accepted for exactly who I am—though, honestly, I haven't quite found that specific kind of love yet. I always struggle with this nagging feeling that people just see me as "a woman," just one face in the crowd, completely replaceable and mortal.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Are they even reliable?

Honestly, not at all—they've actually got even less than I do!

Roger Campbell said:Back when I was stuck in an unplanned pregnancy, I felt like a complete idiot—zero self-esteem, or at least a very thin veneer of fake confidence. But when things were going well and the interest was mutual, my confidence actually grew. At least, that’s how I saw it.

Are there specific life or family circumstances making you feel less than worthy? Are you constantly looking over your shoulder, terrified someone will uncover a dark secret? Or maybe the guys you date treat you poorly enough that your plummeting self-esteem actually makes sense. Perhaps you're just picking the wrong crowd...

Give me some more detail. What exactly goes through your mind when you think about that loss of confidence...

Honestly, even when the feelings are mutual, I still deal with this, though I definitely agree that I have a habit of falling for the wrong kind of guy.

As for how that feeling actually hits me—it's like I feel worthless, or even fatalistic. This sounds ridiculous, I know, but it feels like being exiled from paradise. Then comes the feeling of being replaceable, unloved, rejected, inadequate, or just... infantile.

Sophia Rodriguez12 said:Honestly, I think psychotherapy is the only way to truly tackle this. Trying to fix it on your own is just going to be a waste of energy, and it’ll keep getting in the way of you having healthy, meaningful relationships.

It feels like there might be some underlying insecurity in other areas of your life too, even if it isn't super obvious right away.

You aren't alone in feeling this way, if that helps at all, but please be smart about this—don't spin your wheels. Just go straight to a therapist.

Standard talk therapy hasn't worked for me, though; I've tried just about everything.

Thomas Nelson25 said:Just wondering—what kind of guys are we even talking about here? Maybe they’re playing you—low-key messing with your head—without you even realizing it.

That could definitely be happening, but then again, I'm the one choosing them, so I guess the blame lies with me. It's just a vicious cycle.

I’ve noticed this really frustrating pattern in myself lately: whenever I’m actually in a relationship, my self-confidence just completely evaporates, regardless of how the other person treats me, whether they're being wonderful or totally awful.

When I'm flying solo, I feel like I'm on top of the world and super confident, but the second I get tangled up with someone, I start feeling like absolute trash—and honestly, it doesn't even matter how much chemistry we have. It happens whether I'm head-over-heels crazy about a guy or just hanging out with someone in a platonic way where there isn't even any spark.

Has anyone else ever dealt with something like this? I can't help but wonder if this is some kind of deep-seated psychological issue or just a weird complex I need to work through.

Nicole Morgan5 said:Well, really, it always comes down to how you manage stress—how you react to it—because "injustice," for you, is simply a stressor.
To someone else, what you're experiencing might not even qualify as an injustice; someone else might look at the exact same situation and see something entirely different.

You have to toughen up a bit, focus on a positive future, and stop taking everything so personally.

btw;

It was also stressful for me to read where you wrote that you lie to yours ?!
One cannot "lie oneself" (or "lie to oneself"); one can only lie to yourself. 😁
You can hit yourself, experience yourself, pamper yourself, or put makeup on yourself, but you can certainly tell yourself fairy tales; you can sing to yourself; because, you can't exactly sing your own self, can you? 😉

You come into a thread about psychology and start correcting everyone's grammar instead.🤦
I honestly feel like if someone were calling for help and they were misspelling their plea, you'd probably be too busy fixing their spelling to actually step up and help them.😲

Thanks to everyone else for the replies!

Thanks, Carl Rivera43.

bluepanther8, there’s honestly so much I want to get into, but I’ll save those thoughts for another time. For now, I just wanted to kick off a conversation about how you all deal with injustice—just any kind of unfairness, really.

How do you guys deal with injustice? When things just aren't fair, how do you find peace—do you try to lie to yourselves to get by, or do you lean into the idea that there’s some kind of higher purpose behind all the chaos?

Honestly, I struggle with it so much. It’s genuinely painful for me when I realize that certain things are completely out of my hands, and no matter how hard I fight or what I do, it feels like it doesn't even matter in the end.