Posts by Steven Brown5

Benjamin Lopez11 said:Hey everyone.
Starting this thread because I could use some help, and maybe someone else feels the same way.
Basically, I’m not happy with how I’ve been acting lately. The catch? I don't even know how to fix it because I haven't figured out who I actually want to be yet. I want to work on my relationship with myself and how I treat people—and hopefully, get people to treat me better too, though we all know that's the hard part. I'm 16, so it's not like it's too late to turn things around and become someone worth being.
Anyone else in the same boat? Let me know.

First off, you’ve gotta pinpoint exactly which behaviors are the ones messing things up. If you really sit down and think about it, I bet you can find specific moments where you went off the rails. Once you have those, try to visualize what a better reaction would have looked like—something where both you and the other person actually walk away feeling okay. Think more about leaning into your strengths rather than just beating yourself up, aim for productive conversations instead of those finger-pointing arguments, and start respecting boundaries, both yours and everyone else's...

One thing that’s definitely gonna happen pretty fast is that you'll see changes in yourself, mostly because you're still in those formative years where everything is shifting.
Whether you're young or we're getting older, we always have the choice to make smarter calls.
You’re a good person just as you are; we spend our whole lives just fine-tuning how we act.

So, what exactly did you say to her?

I mean, just be nice about it—tell her "sorry, Mom," and then maybe add a little, "please don't touch my window again unless you want me to lose my cool!" 😆

Nicholas Grant20 said:Exactly. But if I actually had to pick between those two extremes, I’d probably go with "living in my head." Because that first option? It strips a person down so much they basically start acting like an animal.

,For me, "living in your head" would mean just spiraling into overanalyzing myself and everyone else—constantly obsessing over the past or trying to predict the future.

Living in your head isn't about getting lost in a masterpiece at the Met, writing poetry, or actually noticing the beauty around you while still being a functional adult. That’s what it means to actually experience life.

So yeah, finding that middle ground? That's the way to go.

dustycanyon4 said:I feel like most people just default to taking others for granted because they're stuck in that mindset where they're always the main character... Like, nobody really wants to go out of their way for someone else unless there’s some kind of immediate payoff involved...
So they just grab whatever is right in front of them, you know? They just take the path of least resistance and go with the first thing that catches their eye... ://

Look, lady, aren't we all basically hunting for company because we need it ourselves? We aren't seeking people out for their sake; we're doing it for our own.

....
You have to be the one to initiate things, and look, it doesn't mean every single person you hang out with has to be part of your "inner circle," right? No way.
The crew from the gym, grabbing a beer after a workout, just shooting the breeze about training—that’s it. Having different vibes with different groups is exactly what keeps life from getting boring and actually adds some flavor to it.
There isn't anything fake or shallow about it; it’s just about sharing a common interest with people.

It’s not a requirement for people to love us on some soul-searching, deep level; it’s enough if the vibe is good and we’re having a decent time hanging out. Just being friendly and getting along is plenty.

That heavy-duty, deep-seated love is reserved for your lifelong friends and your family.

Maybe the author feels taken for granted, or maybe that's just an illusion—maybe it's time to rethink what she's actually expecting from people?

Personally, I'm fine as long as people are happy to see me; they don't have to love me.

mellowbadger0 said:Someone previously brought up Fedwire, though one might also consider applying the Ho'oponopono technique—there are various methods available online involving a glass of water intended to facilitate cleansing... Furthermore, one can identify underlying beliefs quite easily through muscle testing, a practice frequently utilized within Theta Healing circles.

Don't get me wrong, but this is just straight-up spreading misinformation.
This kind of stuff can actually be dangerous. You've got people spending years in actual psychoanalysis just to get unstuck from a rut, and here you are offering "instant fixes."
That sentence I bolded? It doesn't make any sense at all. Beliefs are mental constructs—they live in your thoughts.

I'm out... before I lose my cool entirely... 😉😁

What’s actually the hardest part about dealing with "people like this"?
Usually, we're talking about those sensitive, highly intelligent types who spend half their lives overanalyzing everything from existence to the state of the world. They tend to be empathetic and compassionate—way more tuned in than the pragmatic crowd.
They’re driven by this deep-seated need to live authentically and hunt down the truth, which usually means they end up being incredibly intense when it comes to self-reflection and tearing themselves apart with self-criticism.

The bottom line is that these sensitive souls often end up going through a hell of a lot of internal suffering, while the more practical (and let's face it, often blunter) people just live their lives. They don't spend nearly as much time dissecting life; they just experience it.

Everything could always be better, including us, and there’s always a root cause for why things are the way they are, but most of the time, we just don't have the capacity to see those causes clearly.

Maybe the answer isn't quitting your job or walking away from your partner; maybe we just need to dial back our expectations of ourselves or others. Or, yeah, maybe leaving is the only actual way out. It’s super individual, really depends on the specific mess you're in.
Half the time, we know exactly what we ought to do and what we want. The problem is, sometimes we just don't have the bandwidth for it right now. But that doesn't mean running away from the stuff we can't handle is going to solve anything in the long run.

If you find yourself unable to face something head-on—say, a relationship or a career crisis—you might need to focus on building strength in other areas of your life first. You can put the big issue on hold until you actually have the capacity to deal with it.
Trying to force yourself into some rigid box or getting lost in endless, deep analysis is just going to drain your battery until you're empty, and you won't be any closer to solving a damn thing.
If we focus on strengthening ourselves instead of just exhausting ourselves, we actually stand a better chance of navigating through a crisis or moving past a problem.

Anyway, that was just what I was feeling like I needed to get out there.

wanderingbadger0 said:Well, Steven Brown5, what would be the actual step to resolve the issues you’ve described?
Would it be leaving the partner or walking away from the job?...

Look, we're always stuck with the same two choices: either deal with it or change it.

Sarah Ross21 said:Digging through the past and overanalyzing everything doesn't get you anywhere. At least, it didn't for me. It was just a massive waste of time that left me more anxious than when I started.

Life is actually pretty simple and incredibly pragmatic.

If you’ve ever spent time in a real rural town—I mean a true, grit-under-the-fingernails American small town—you’ll know what I mean. There isn't much room for philosophy out there. You work, you pray, you get married, you have kids, you work, you die, and you move on. That’s it. No endless questioning, no deep-seated fears, no complexes, no anxiety. You just push forward. That’s why people moving from the sticks to the city are usually so tough. They’re often more resilient than the city folks because they don't spend their lives philosophizing.

I'm with you on this.
The thing is, we are analytical creatures by nature, but that trait is way more useful when applied to stuff that actually has practical utility rather than trying to solve mental or emotional puzzles. When you run through a thought three times in your head, you've already seen the answer. Running it in circles fifty times isn't going to magically produce some superior epiphany.

A lot of the time, these "deep dives" are really just a way to dodge the things that actually bother us—the stuff that requires us to shake up our sense of security and take a real step toward better circumstances.

Like you said, obsessing over the past leads nowhere. It’s just wasted energy while taking intentional action in the present is what actually builds a better future. That’s basically how the world works.

wanderingbadger0 said:But aren't our current internal conflicts merely the fruit of past negative experiences and the flawed beliefs we developed while navigating those very same events?

Honestly, man, it’s usually way simpler than that. Like, seriously, most of the time it is.
Take this scenario: a woman ends up in a total disaster of a relationship—could be romantic, could be a toxic boss at some corporate office in Chicago—and instead of just cutting ties, she stays because she feels stuck, maybe because she’s got kids or thinks her paycheck provides this fake sense of security. So, instead of fixing the actual situation, she starts digging into her subconscious, hunting for deep-seated psychological reasons why she’s unhappy.
Sure, look, we definitely fall into patterns where we pick people who aren't right for us, but more often than not, we just made one bad call and now we're overthinking the hell out of it.

Keith Collins3 said:If the belief is subconscious—meaning you say you need to become aware of it—how do you even know it exists in the first place? Maybe the issue isn't some hidden belief you need to fix. Maybe you're just using the idea of a "limiting belief" as an excuse.

I might be wrong, but my take is that there aren't any fixed "beliefs." Everything shifts constantly depending on what’s happening in your life and what stage you're currently going through.

Actually, that’s a pretty solid point. We all carry around all sorts of beliefs, but I see people grasping at the concept of "unconscious biases" all the time just to avoid facing the problems they actually know they have. It’s like trying to slowly, step by step, "clean up my life," as Arsen puts it in one of his tracks.
The whole deal with Reality Therapy is that it doesn't even bother looking back at the past; it's all about tackling the internal conflicts we're dealing with right now.

We all have behavioral patterns and different sets of beliefs—that’s just how humans function, it's natural. We only really bother bringing those dysfunctional patterns to our attention when they start crashing into our daily lives. If something isn't showing up as a problem in our reality, we often don't even need to be aware of it, and frankly, despite how hard we try, sometimes we just can't be.

silverhound50 said:So, how do you guys actually spend your days? For me, I find myself constantly comparing my life to my doctor's, and honestly, it just leaves me feeling totally drained because, well, I don't exactly have her level of endless energy, you know? Like, how does everyone else manage to crush their entire to-do list without hitting a wall? Personally, I need to take breaks all the time, and sometimes I just can't bring myself to tackle cleaning the apartment or even doing the dishes; I’d much rather just curl up, binge Netflix, and sleep for hours on end. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and I'm currently on Paxil to help manage things. Am I being way too hard on myself? Like, why can't I just learn to be a little more gentle with myself instead of constantly pushing? It's also kind of a rollercoaster with my social life—one minute I have zero desire to see anyone, and the next, I'm dying to hang out. I always seem to live in these extreme highs and lows in everything I do.

You've hit on some really heavy questions here.
Why am I not being easier on myself?
Why am I constantly measuring myself against others?
Look, there aren't any official rulebooks stating how spotless your house needs to be, how many social events you "should" attend, or how much TV is "too much."
There are plenty of people out there without any diagnoses who live in total chaos because their interests lie everywhere except in housework.

The real question is: what do you actually need and want within your own little world?
First off, stop beating yourself up, because let's be real—self-criticism isn't going to scrub those dishes. Try looking at things as choices instead of failures, and try to step out of that mindset where you feel like a victim of your own circumstances.

Do I want to watch a movie or clean the kitchen? If you choose the movie, then just own that decision. Accept that the place will stay messy and stop letting it eat at you.
Try making a schedule: designate specific days for cleaning and specific days for doing absolutely nothing.
As for the comparison thing: think about Buddhist monks. They focus on doing just one single thing at a time to maintain full attention and avoid stressing themselves out. Keeping your peace of mind should be the priority.
In our American culture, the whole paradigm is built on "more, faster, harder," but whether we actually *can* sustain that—and the massive toll it takes on a person's mental health and longevity—is a completely different conversation.

You are the boss of your own life, and the environment around you should be tailored to fit you, not the other way around.
Take ownership of that.
Nobody has these perfect, universal answers; we're all just out here building our own worlds according to our own limits and whatever external circumstances we're dealing with.

Just start the meds and check back in five weeks. Then we'll actually have some real data to work with!
I honestly don't get why anyone would turn down a shot at treatment. You aren't losing anything by trying, but you are definitely ruling one thing out.

Look, just my two cents from a non-medical, lived-experience perspective—it’s super common for people to deal with intense symptoms that don't show up on any standard lab tests, only to find out it was all psychological. Once they start the right medication, everything just clears up.
And regarding those brutal spinal pains, you really have to nail down the cause; you can't just have something like cancer without it showing up in your bloodwork. Right?

For instance, I dealt with an EBV reactivation (mono), which left me with chronic fatigue and a low-grade fever.
From where I'm sitting, the stuff you're describing sounds like pretty heavy depression, because if it were physical, there'd usually be a paper trail in your labs. At the very least, don't rule out the mental health side of things.

Joseph Green12 said:Hey everyone,

This title might sound a bit dramatic, but honestly, it’s pretty close to how things actually feel. I’m looking for some help—just some advice on what my next move should be.

For months now, it feels like my body is just... shutting down. It’s getting progressively worse. I have zero energy, I feel like I’m losing my mind with brain fog, and I can’t focus on anything at all.

I’ll sleep for ten hours straight and still wake up feeling like a zombie. I’ll manage to get one tiny thing done for work, and then I’m back in bed for the rest of the day. Luckily, since the pandemic, I’ve been working from home; if I were commuting to an office, I probably would’ve been fired by now. This isn't just that "man, I had a long day at the office" kind of tired—this is a total system failure. Even blinking feels like a chore.

Back when I was actually healthy, I used to train normally. Now, I show up to the gym, force myself through ten measly minutes, and then I’m just a dead weight. My cardio is absolute trash (I never really recovered from COVID 😁).

I’m also getting this weird tingling sensation, like paresthesia, in my legs. A few months ago, my B12 and folate (7) levels were sitting right on the bottom edge of the normal range. Maybe there's a connection there. I didn't bother supplementing because my primary care doctor insisted they weren't technically "below" the limit. 🕺
Also, my Vitamin D was way, way below the threshold, so I took supplements until my bloodwork finally showed it was back in the normal zone.

A couple of months back, I went all out: MRI of the head, CT scan, abdominal ultrasound, full thyroid panel—nothing stood out as abnormal.
Ferritin is high, TIBC is low, MCH and MCHC are low, and MPV is elevated.
My endocrinologist flagged some mild insulin resistance, but again, nothing crazy.
I had an H. pylori infection right around the time these symptoms started cropping up. I had a gastroscopy, and later tests showed the infection was gone, but the stomach issues haven't left me; I deal with constant nausea every single day. Gluten antibodies came back negative.

On top of everything, I've developed this brutal tinnitus—it's 24/7, and I've never dealt with anything like it before.

My doctor is convinced it's just depression and wants to put me on antidepressants. He doesn't want to run any more tests. Look, I get it, the brain is an organ too, and maybe he's right, but I really want to dig deeper into what's happening physically before I commit to that. Truth is, I definitely have elements of depression and anxiety now, but I tell myself that's just a byproduct of my body "dying" and seeing myself fail to function every single day.

Does anyone have any ideas on what else I should check? Any Dr. House style suggestions? I'm willing to go fully private if I have to; I honestly don't care about the money anymore because I can't live like this. I'd give anything just to feel normal again.
I'm 29 years old, but I feel like I'm 92.

I'd appreciate any advice. Right now, I'm thinking about checking my MTHFR mutation and re-testing my B vitamins to see if anything has shifted over the last few months. Beyond that, I'm stumped.
Maybe an immunologist?

If you feel like you need more testing, you should definitely coordinate those with your primary care physician.
As for the antidepressants, I think you don't have much to lose—you could potentially take them while you continue investigating other causes. If the meds don't help, or if you try different ones and nothing works, then you'll know it's not just depression.
Sometimes trial and error is the only way. Sometimes you just have to rule out every possible illness. Just make sure to follow your doctor's guidance above all else.

Good luck!

I’ve been keeping up with the news just enough to stay in the loop without letting it drown me, mostly because I’ve stopped hanging out with people who are obsessed with politics or religious affiliations and all that other noise.
It’s not even about retreating into my own little bubble anymore; it’s more like I’m actively hunting for balanced people, because honestly, I can't deal with constant extremes in my life—I just won't. I’m running far away from those dark, negative types 😝. I finally realized they’re doing perfectly fine without me, and frankly, they usually find better company than I could ever provide anyway.
What actually works for me is being around folks who enjoy long walks through the woods and can actually find joy in the little, stupid things in life...

Maybe this heightened sensitivity of mine is tied to some neurological thing since I deal with migraines too, but whatever, what's the big deal? This is just who I am.
After I've clocked in 3.1 miles miles, the world looks pretty damn good. 😄
At the end of the day, everyone needs to figure out their own little thing that makes the world feel like it's actually in its right place once in a while. For me, that means getting enough sleep and eating decent food.

Donna Gonzalez5 said:Have you ever been having a perfectly wonderful day, only to cross paths with someone carrying an intense emotional storm—someone who immediately starts dumping their problems on you—and suddenly, you find yourself spiraling right along with them? It’s that strange phenomenon where, instead of just feeling bad for them, you actually start experiencing their struggle as if it were your own burden.
If you’ve had a cup of coffee, have you ever experienced that sudden wave of restlessness, excessive sweating, or a spike in anxiety?
Do you find it incredibly difficult to establish healthy boundaries in your relationships?
Do you tend to swing between extremes when it comes to people—either throwing yourself heart and soul into a relationship or completely shutting down and retreating into your shell the moment you pick up a negative vibe?
Does watching the news or encountering any kind of negative media content cause a significant drop in your mood?
Do you struggle with a sense of belonging—perhaps feeling disconnected from organized religion, your community, or even your own heritage?

In other words, I am curious: are there any highly sensitive individuals here? Have any of you developed specific mechanisms to balance your empathy—essentially, ways to feel less for negative people or to recognize and reject their "emotional downloads"? Is it actually possible to refuse to empathize when listening to someone vent or dealing with negativity? And how can one truly identify when they are absorbing someone else's energy?

I'm definitely a highly sensitive person. I can walk into a room and immediately sense the negative vibes hanging in the air. My job is in the helping professions, too.
Over the years, I've learned that setting boundaries with other people really starts with setting them for myself first.
I don't get sucked into those pointless, circular conversations where the person just wants to dump their trauma on me without actually wanting to change anything. For those people who basically feed on misery, constantly playing the victim and spinning disaster stories, I deal with them through a direct warning. I'll say something like, "Look, I don't have the bandwidth for a mindless vent session. If you want to hang out or actually solve a problem, fine, but if you just want to complain, I'm out." I am perfectly capable of hanging up the phone, walking away from a space, or even stepping into a confrontation if I need to.
Empathetic people end up totally burnt out because we tend to pour our energy into places it doesn't belong.
For me, the biggest game-changer was learning how to distinguish between people who are genuinely going through a hard time and actually need support, versus those who just love to wallow and thrive on sucking others dry.
At the end of the day, the problem isn't really the other people—they are who they are. The real question is, who are we?
I stay active with sports and try to surround myself with people who are on my wavelength.

What really changed things for me was finally taking my rightful place. I refused to be anyone's emotional trash can; I just can't handle it, and honestly, I need to save my energy for things that actually matter.
I'm also super sensitive to smells, sounds, and all that stuff.
In my opinion, one of the biggest mistakes empaths make is thinking it's their literal job to always be "on call" just because they feel things so intensely and feel this automatic urge to help.
First off, you've got to aim that empathy inward toward yourself, and then be smart about where and when you decide to share your energy with the world.

Boundaries are non-negotiable. Without them, we aren't actually in a position to help anyone because we burn ourselves out so fast that we end up needing the help ourselves.
Finding that middle ground and staying balanced is the only way to stay healthy.

It seems pretty obvious to everyone reading this that the whole point of drinking—at least for those stuck in that cycle—is to try and numb the pain, you know? To fake some kind of "happiness" for a little while...
But let’s be real, alcohol doesn't actually have that kind of power over your life; all it really does is turn you into a functional alcoholic.
I've seen plenty of people end up in deep water or just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but you can choose to be the one who actually faces the music and builds a life that’s actually worth living without needing a bottle to tolerate it.

The truth is, you can't pull this off solo. That's just how the math works right now: go find a professional, lean on your friends, find a support group, and don't just focus on the booze—address the actual reasons why you're reaching for it in the first place.
You’re likely dealing with a depressive episode, so please, just get some help. Those episodes pass if you work through them, but addiction is a whole different beast, and if you ignore the underlying issues, they aren't going anywhere—they just fester and get way worse.

silentcanyon83 said:Hello everyone! 🙂 I think I might be facing a problem that I don't quite know how to tackle. Alcohol... it seems to be a very frequent presence in my life. On most days, I'll have at least three or four drinks—meaning at least half a bottle of wine. On the weekends, it’s always a full bottle for me. During the week, I'm usually having one, two, or three glasses quite often. I'm starting to worry because that buzzed feeling creates this sense of happiness where I can just "disconnect" from the world, and it feels wonderful...

To give you a little bit of my history... I'm 31, and on paper, everything seems perfectly normal. I finished school, went through college, and have a steady job. But ever since I was a teenager, maybe 15 or 16, when weekend parties and going out first started, I always felt the need to drink until I was completely hammered. Always until I didn't feel so great. Back then, though, it was strictly a weekend thing. That changed about three years ago when I finally moved out of my parents' house into my own apartment. That's when I realized how lovely it is to get drunk all by myself. You don't have to talk to anyone; you just relax and sip away. The trouble is, slowly but surely, this has become more appealing than actually socializing with people. And once I start, it's so difficult to stop, so I often end up drinking alone...

Though, I suppose I am still somewhat "responsible," since I don't overdo it during the work week, mostly because I know I have to be able to function at my job.

People... what should I do? Should I look into Alcoholics Anonymous or something similar? Are there others out there dealing with the same thing? 😵😵

You aren't an alcoholic yet, which is the good news. You can function without it, but you're using it as a crutch, and you're well on your way to becoming one.
You need to see a doctor immediately and start tackling the actual reasons why you're drinking. Right now, you should seek out professional therapy—maybe something for anxiety—while you work through whatever dissatisfaction or issues you're dealing with.

This is your last chance to catch the train before it leaves the station. You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you.
You're basically anesthetizing yourself because you're hurting, but don't do that; try to be kinder to yourself instead.
Come on, go help yourself the right way.

briskbison47 said:Look, the woman is clearly hiding behind her trauma. She’s acting like she’s there to play therapist on a couch, but she fails miserably because everything she says is filtered through her own past. It’s honestly hard to watch.
Between the lines, she’s screaming for help, but she refuses to consciously admit that something is wrong—she won't accept that a little bit of sympathy isn't going to save anyone.

Honestly, I think this might be my last time posting here. It seems like nobody is even looking at the actual substance of what's being discussed, and look, I don't mind if the conversation drifts or goes off on a tangent based on how we talk to each other, but once people who have zero credentials start trying to psychoanalyze me, I see absolutely no point in continuing this dialogue.

First off, you have no clue who you're talking to, you don't know anything about my professional background, and you definitely don't have the context needed to pass any kind of judgment.

As for me, everything is pretty much as expected. I'm disappointed, plain and simple. Anyone who’s actually read this thread or my last couple of posts on the Forum can see that.
"Hiding behind trauma" ???
Did I ever explicitly state in my post how I experienced tragedy or trauma?!?!
Just because I’ve dealt with trauma doesn't mean I'm somehow beneath you in a conversation.
I can read between your lines too, but my interpretation of what you're "really" saying is irrelevant here.
I really don't get why you're even typing this, other than your desperate need to frame me as some "victim" that you can swoop in and rescue with your little insights.
The reason you're lashing out at me is pretty obvious—it's a total clash of worldviews.
With me, it's simple: either we communicate like normal adults, or you just leave me alone.
Let me be crystal clear: I am setting a boundary right here, so respect it.
I'll be following my own advice.

briskbison47 said:I can talk to you later about how I used the internet during my darkest times and the "wisdom" I picked up back then; it's no issue..
I can tell you that if a trauma is truly severe enough, you aren't the same person who existed before the tragedy. That person is gone. You were Person A, then Event B happened, and now you are Person C. Now, you're just stuck trying to adapt to that. It isn't anything bigger than life itself, though it might be something only those with the exact same trauma can grasp.
You aren't the first or the last person to overcomplicate your own problems to an insane degree just to avoid actually helping yourself.
Go see a therapist. Pay the fee; it isn't that expensive. After eighteen months of struggling, a friend dragged me to one, and I felt like a new person within a month.

You totally missed the point here.
Professional psychological help is great for everyone, no argument there.
But the whole idea isn't about getting "advice" from random people on the internet; it's about hearing someone else's raw, unfiltered experience. It's about realizing we're going through the same thing.
A month and a half? Man, you're being incredibly optimistic.
A woman I know who's been through this told me things start feeling manageable after three years, and maybe after five, you actually start feeling like yourself again.

@briskbison47
Look, I get that you’re trying to be a decent human being here, and honestly, your intentions toward me are noble enough, but I’m just not the type to play the victim card.
Everything I’ve posted on this Forum comes from someone who was already out there living their life long before any tragedy hit.
I know exactly what I need and when I need it.
Right now, I’m looking for actual assistance, not a shoulder to cry on or a bunch of pity.

If you really want to step up and help, why don't you start a thread that actually brings together a crowd of people dealing with the same stuff I am—something meant for the long haul, not just a quick vent session.

I need that kind of engagement because, frankly, I tend to stay productive even when everything feels like it's falling apart.