Posts by Susan James

Kate Cox2 said:We recently dealt with a situation involving an eighth grader—he physically attacked another student, which sparked a full-blown fight. It wasn't an isolated incident; it was just the breaking point after a long string of disruptive behavior, including verbal abuse, arguing with teachers and peers, constant interruptions during lessons, and bullying younger kids.

He was issued a formal reprimand...

The very next day, the boy's father storms into the school. He starts threatening the homeroom teachers, barges into the Principal's office to intimidate her, and then goes as far as filing a lawsuit against the school.

I find myself wondering: where does this aggressive behavior stem from? Where does this level of sheer insolence come from, especially when it’s been going on for years? To me, the answer seems painfully obvious... one can clearly see where the child picked up such an attitude and these behavioral patterns.

That was frupy's point—you could organize five hundred different school projects focused on non-violence, tolerance, and cooperation, and you could talk to these students until you're blue in the face, but if the child returns to a home environment that actively encourages this kind of aggression, the efforts are essentially neutralized.

And what is the end result? Nothing. That student continues to bully his classmates, and the school is left powerless. A paper reprimand might as well be nothing more than last year's snow because we simply don't have the legal authority to take more concrete action.

On the flip side, you have those students who mess up, but they have parents at home who are self-aware enough to realize their child is in the wrong and are willing to work on teaching them appropriate behavior. In those cases—every project, every conversation, and all that hard work you put in actually feels meaningful.

But what does "real action" look like here?
What should a school actually be able to do in a situation like this? If we’re looking at a perfect world where anything is possible, what would you want the staff to do with this kid or his parents?

urbantinker8 said:Ugh. kohortas, you’ve really gone and opened Pandora's box here, trying to shake things up or maybe just hoping to get a clear look at how messy everything actually is. 😁 I mean, good for you, I guess. 🙏
Of course there are great teachers and then there are... well, other teachers. It’s the same with doctors, accountants, lawyers—you know, different levels of competence across the board.

But hey, if it makes you feel any better, not every professor thinks their subject is the center of the universe. I certainly don't. Even though, realistically speaking, my field is probably way more important than half the stuff out there. 😁 But I’ve never once looked at my work as being the alpha and omega of existence.
Sadly, there are colleagues who act like their specific subject is the only thing that matters, but from what I’ve seen, that usually comes down to the older crowd, the old school types. We younger ones tend to be a bit more flexible about all that. 😁

And seminars... man...
It feels like ages since I sat through a decent one. For about four years now, they’ve been strictly focused on standardized testing and state curriculum requirements. It’s mostly politics and very little actual teaching or development. That’s all I’m going to say about that particular sore spot. ☕

nosorog, maybe I'm misreading things, but reading between the lines of your posts—well, most of them, anyway—I catch this deep sense of resentment and anger toward teachers. 🤷
I get the impression you think everyone is chronically lacking in pedagogical skill and that truly good professors just don't exist anymore.
And while we're talking about discipline—a teacher's job is to address undesirable behavior in students, not their parents. If a student is picking up those bad habits at home because they're mirroring their parents, that’s a whole different issue. Bad parenting should be dealt with by someone else entirely, but most of the time, that "someone else" either isn't there or just doesn't bother to step in.
Anyway, I guess we're just running in circles again.

Where exactly am I claiming that, especially the part about everyone lacking pedagogical skills?
😕

It’s so easy to make broad generalizations when you're just reading between the lines 🥳

urbantinker8 said:I, urbantinker8, where is all this sudden animosity toward professors coming from?
Was your own experience in school really that much of a nightmare—like, were they all just completely incompetent, narrow-minded, or somehow actively malicious...?

What makes you think I'm being hateful?
😕😕😕

When I chime in on these threads about educators, I’m speaking from my perspective as an adult and a professional who actually works alongside them from time to time.
There are absolutely wonderful teachers out there, and yes, there are some truly awful ones too.
But honestly, you find those extremes in every single profession.

What really bothers me is the mindset that a child needs to be punished—that there have to be consequences for bad behavior—while at the same time, that same child watches a parent commit actual crimes (not just "bad behavior") without any repercussions. Unfortunately, I've seen cases where they watch a teacher act out in the same way and face zero consequences as well.

That specific brand of hypocrisy among adults is just awful to me. From a developmental standpoint, it's incredibly destructive, whether it's for kids already struggling with behavioral issues, kids who are at risk of developing them, or even the ones who aren't problematic at all.
And if you're reading that as me having a grudge against teachers, 🤷🤷🤷

Paul Wilson72 said:No, I honestly believe that any parent could manage the actual curriculum themselves if they really tried—it’s not exactly rocket science. In my view, parents would fail most spectacularly in the very area where they complain about teachers the most: "parenting." That isn't the school's responsibility, and frankly, no teacher training program in the country can fix how a child behaves at home or solve classroom dynamics through sheer pedagogy. Teachers are essentially working with their hands tied behind their backs. As I’ve said before, no matter how much effort they put in, there simply aren't the legal avenues to take decisive action. If they try to push too hard, all they end up doing is provoking the wrath of parents and students. They end up creating problems for themselves that a teacher earning a high salary truly doesn't need—only to be criticized by everyone the following day.
There are plenty of other reasons why that extra week matters for teachers. It’s a chance for people to finally see and realize that our job isn't just about those few hours spent standing in front of a classroom. Our actual working hours are significantly longer. And let’s be honest—we aren't exactly getting paid for the Saturdays and Sundays we spend grading exams or drafting new ones. Then there's the lesson planning. Believe me, you don't just plan for a subject; you plan for the specific class. You could teach the exact same course, in the same department, to the same grade level just one year later, and the experience will be night and day. One group gets it all right away—they're brilliant—but the next generation might struggle with absolutely nothing. Same professor, same teaching style, yet a completely different result. So, what then?

Honestly, my heart goes out most to the kids who are genuinely good—the ones who are smart, eager to learn, and hungry for more than what the standard curriculum offers. They rarely get any recognition unless they’re winning some big competition. Instead, they become the default scapegoats for everything. When there are systemic issues, when teachers are quitting in droves, when the curriculum falls behind, or when the classroom turns into chaos, these students always end up catching the fallout. As someone else pointed out, it’s incredibly rare for a straight-A student to actually have behavioral issues. Yet, somehow, the teachers end up resenting the kids who are just struggling to keep their heads above water. It’s unfair, and it unfairly colors how both the students and their parents are perceived. But even beyond grades, there are those quiet, polite kids who might not grasp every concept immediately but are perfectly well-behaved. Their calm nature often gives the troublemakers an opening to act out. I really believe the responsibility lies with the teachers here. A teacher is expected to deliver complex material, maintain discipline, and somehow find individual time for every single student to address their personal struggles at school or home. You couldn't pull that off if you were Superman, let alone in a forty-five-minute period. Maybe some people won't get where I'm coming from—I know many of you are dealing with elementary schoolers—but I'm talking about high school. These are teenagers between 14 and 19 years old. We can't dismiss them as being "childish" or incapable of understanding that certain behaviors simply aren't acceptable in a classroom.
The education system is broken, honestly. But I don't blame teachers as individuals; the fault lies with a system that has stripped them of authority, placing them in a subordinate position compared to their students. I completely understand why some choose to just stay out of it and do the bare minimum. They know ahead of time that if they try to address a student's behavior or grading issues, they’ll be the ones labeled as the problem instead of the kid. What's the point? Until the laws and regulations regarding student rights and obligations are overhauled—so that we can actually take action against problematic behavior—it is utterly pointless to blame teachers for how a student acts in class. A student's behavior is a direct reflection of their upbringing at home. Any homeroom teacher will tell you that once you get to know both the parents and the child, the connection becomes obvious. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, whether that's for better or worse.

Hmm, regarding how teachers react—let's look at the bigger picture. Gas prices go up, and truck drivers don't protest; milk prices spike, and people don't react; sales tax increases, and there's silence. Actually, I'd say people *do* try to react, but their voices are ignored, much like certain posts on this thread. The government simply refuses to hear anything that doesn't suit its agenda. It's the same with the Department of Education; they don't want to admit when things are failing, and when individuals write open letters, they rarely receive a response. Nothing ever changes.

At the end of the day, Jessica Howard5, as much as I understand that you are fighting against violent students in your school and organizing parents, what have you actually managed to achieve? That is exactly what teachers face when they try to make a difference. You feel like nobody in the school is doing anything, while teachers feel like the people at the federal level haven't even stepped foot in a classroom to see the reality of the situation.

But how exactly are they tied?
What legal avenues don't they have to act on?
And what kind of "concrete actions" are we talking about here?
Are they not allowed to discipline a kid? 🤔 Because to me, that seems like the only thing they aren't legally permitted to do, and clearly, some people just lack that outlet to exert power. Without it, they seem totally helpless.🙄

Paul Wilson72 said:No, I honestly believe that any parent could manage the actual curriculum themselves if they really tried—it’s not exactly rocket science. In my view, parents would fail most spectacularly in the very area where they complain about teachers the most: "parenting." That isn't the school's responsibility, and frankly, no teacher training program in the country can fix how a child behaves at home or solve classroom dynamics through sheer pedagogy. Teachers are essentially working with their hands tied behind their backs. As I’ve said before, no matter how much effort they put in, there simply aren't the legal avenues to take decisive action. If they try to push too hard, all they end up doing is provoking the wrath of parents and students. They end up creating problems for themselves that a teacher earning a high salary truly doesn't need—only to be criticized by everyone the following day.
There are plenty of other reasons why that extra week matters for teachers. It’s a chance for people to finally see and realize that our job isn't just about those few hours spent standing in front of a classroom. Our actual working hours are significantly longer. And let’s be honest—we aren't exactly getting paid for the Saturdays and Sundays we spend grading exams or drafting new ones. Then there's the lesson planning. Believe me, you don't just plan for a subject; you plan for the specific class. You could teach the exact same course, in the same department, to the same grade level just one year later, and the experience will be night and day. One group gets it all right away—they're brilliant—but the next generation might struggle with absolutely nothing. Same professor, same teaching style, yet a completely different result. So, what then?

Honestly, my heart goes out most to the kids who are genuinely good—the ones who are smart, eager to learn, and hungry for more than what the standard curriculum offers. They rarely get any recognition unless they’re winning some big competition. Instead, they become the default scapegoats for everything. When there are systemic issues, when teachers are quitting in droves, when the curriculum falls behind, or when the classroom turns into chaos, these students always end up catching the fallout. As someone else pointed out, it’s incredibly rare for a straight-A student to actually have behavioral issues. Yet, somehow, the teachers end up resenting the kids who are just struggling to keep their heads above water. It’s unfair, and it unfairly colors how both the students and their parents are perceived. But even beyond grades, there are those quiet, polite kids who might not grasp every concept immediately but are perfectly well-behaved. Their calm nature often gives the troublemakers an opening to act out. I really believe the responsibility lies with the teachers here. A teacher is expected to deliver complex material, maintain discipline, and somehow find individual time for every single student to address their personal struggles at school or home. You couldn't pull that off if you were Superman, let alone in a forty-five-minute period. Maybe some people won't get where I'm coming from—I know many of you are dealing with elementary schoolers—but I'm talking about high school. These are teenagers between 14 and 19 years old. We can't dismiss them as being "childish" or incapable of understanding that certain behaviors simply aren't acceptable in a classroom.
The education system is broken, honestly. But I don't blame teachers as individuals; the fault lies with a system that has stripped them of authority, placing them in a subordinate position compared to their students. I completely understand why some choose to just stay out of it and do the bare minimum. They know ahead of time that if they try to address a student's behavior or grading issues, they’ll be the ones labeled as the problem instead of the kid. What's the point? Until the laws and regulations regarding student rights and obligations are overhauled—so that we can actually take action against problematic behavior—it is utterly pointless to blame teachers for how a student acts in class. A student's behavior is a direct reflection of their upbringing at home. Any homeroom teacher will tell you that once you get to know both the parents and the child, the connection becomes obvious. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, whether that's for better or worse.

Hmm, regarding how teachers react—let's look at the bigger picture. Gas prices go up, and truck drivers don't protest; milk prices spike, and people don't react; sales tax increases, and there's silence. Actually, I'd say people *do* try to react, but their voices are ignored, much like certain posts on this thread. The government simply refuses to hear anything that doesn't suit its agenda. It's the same with the Department of Education; they don't want to admit when things are failing, and when individuals write open letters, they rarely receive a response. Nothing ever changes.

At the end of the day, Jessica Howard5, as much as I understand that you are fighting against violent students in your school and organizing parents, what have you actually managed to achieve? That is exactly what teachers face when they try to make a difference. You feel like nobody in the school is doing anything, while teachers feel like the people at the federal level haven't even stepped foot in a classroom to see the reality of the situation.

But who makes up the system? Is it built by ants or crocodiles? Aren't teachers also part of that very system?
What do you mean by a "subordinate position"?

And honestly, let's be real for a second: not all teachers are saints. Some definitely insult students, some don't know how to teach, and frankly, it doesn't surprise me at all when kids are impossible in class. Sometimes, certain teachers can actually trigger bad behavior, disruptions, or bullying. If a student is acting out in one class, they often become the "problem child" in every other class too—because if other teachers say they *don't* have an issue with that kid, they're suddenly labeled "incompetent." Basically, the kid gets turned into the "problem" just to protect an ineffective teacher.
Do you really think that doesn't happen?
You've got it all wrong.🤷

What are the actual sanctions for a professor who insults a student? (It's hardly surprising they're afraid of cell phone videos and parent complaints; I'd bet anything that the ones who are actually respectful to kids and colleagues don't have those fears.)
Do they have any accountability for not knowing how to talk to kids? For lacking active listening skills, using "I" statements, or just basic politeness? They should realize they are role models for children, just like parents or even celebrities like Madonna. But instead, it happens that when a kid picks up bad habits, it's blamed on the parents or a pop star, while the teacher who taught them the wrong way gets a pass.😂 LOL:
Poor little subordinates.🙄

Emily Gonzalez51 said:Well, for instance, instead of telling a kid, "Son, study if you feel like it, it's not mandatory," or "Dad will cover for you if you don't want to go to school today," parents should focus on:
1. Developing strong work habits. This means every child needs their own dedicated desk for studying and a set daily routine that includes specific time allocated for learning.

2. Instead of asking, "What grade did you get?", they should ask, "What did you learn today?" and then actually discuss the subject matter (this helps kids realize they aren't just a collection of GPA numbers).

3. For students who struggle, parents need to regularly check their notebooks, because those kids often spend the entire class period doing absolutely nothing.

I haven't dealt with any "problematic" straight-A students.

1. A parent who is struggling personally isn't going to make that happen. If someone is dealing with alcoholism at home, how can they be expected to instill discipline or study habits? Or if a parent is never around because they're working three jobs, how is that supposed to work?

2. How can we expect a parent who is completely overwhelmed by their own life struggles to sit down and have deep conversations about schoolwork and learning? Does that parent even have the mental bandwidth for it? And besides, who is going to teach the parents how to communicate effectively with their kids? Your example is just one in a million.
I honestly think *how* you talk to them matters more than the specific topic.
The real issue is that there’s no guidance for parents. Everyone is looking for an instant fix—something they can solve by tomorrow—but this is a long-term process that can take years.

3. You seem to think having neat notebooks is a prerequisite for staying focused in class or being a well-behaved student, but how does tidying up a notebook actually achieve that?
What is a parent supposed to do with a son who doesn't write anything down during class at all?

And do you really think straight-A students can't be troublemakers too? I've had totally different experiences with that. They absolutely can be, but then teachers often don't know how to handle them, which sends a message not just to the top students, but to the whole class.
Of course, one of those messages is: "At this school, the only thing that matters is academic performance..."
And that brings us back to the big question: Is school meant to be a place for holistic development, or is it strictly just for academics? 🙂

urbantinker8 said:I'm not quite sure why you aren't actually reading what people are saying here.
I guess all the effort in the world won't matter if the parents refuse to work with us.
If the parents of even one—and let's be honest, there are way too many—troublemaker decide they don't want to cooperate, the whole classroom atmosphere can just fall apart.
Believe me, this idea that looking after these kids isn't our responsibility is just an empty stereotype, and it seems like maybe you've fallen for it too.

But what does "cooperation" actually look like to you or the teachers? How exactly would a cooperative parent change the vibe in the classroom? In what way would that actually make your job easier?
Has anyone here actually dealt with a supportive parent who managed to turn things around in class? What did that process look like for you? 🙂

😂 That psychologist sounds pretty intense! Don't be too hard on her, though—if you push her the wrong way, you might end up stuck coloring in a workbook instead of getting some actual peace and quiet during your break 🤣

rowdypanther12 said:Back when I was in elementary school, the threat of expulsion actually kept kids somewhat in check. Even then, we had kids stabbing knives into desks and stuff like that. Yeah, even more than 20 years ago, some kids acted out just like this 😁
but having that one tool—expulsion—meant they actually feared the consequences. And of course, once you're expelled, continuing your education usually means heading to alternative programs. My best friend ended up in one of those programs after being kicked out, and looking back, I honestly think it helped her get her act together and find some stability.
It’s really kind to look at things through a compassionate lens, seeing a child who needs help rather than someone who is inherently bad, but just a product of their environment.
I completely agree with that, and I'm certain that most "bad" adults simply missed out on getting the support they needed during their childhood.
However, I think it might be a bit naive and idealistic to suggest that sanctions aren't necessary. Kids know they can get away with anything. They realize they can do whatever comes to mind without facing any real repercussions. If they commit a serious crime, they know they'll just spend six months in a juvenile detention center and be back. If they cause chaos at school, they know nothing will happen to them.
You can say what you want, but that way of thinking just isn't realistic.

Those detention centers still exist today, and kids are still sent there if the relevant authorities decide it's necessary.
In these facilities, they might undergo observation (diagnosis) and then be referred to a residential treatment center, a group home, or a foster care setting—though they can also stay with their own families.

Not much has changed in the last 20 years.
I'm not quite sure what you meant by that. 🤷

And I still don't understand how threatening a kid who's just being disruptive with expulsion could possibly motivate them to actually show up to school. 🤣
I would actually love for someone to explain that to me. 🙂

I never said sanctions weren't needed, but certain generalized sanctions—which are what usually get proposed—just aren't effective. Applying the same punishment to everyone regardless of context is pointless. It's just as illogical to punish a child who disrupts class by sending them to a residential facility while the parent at home remains unpunished despite being abusive or aggressive. In that scenario, the parent basically gets more free time as a "reward" and doesn't have to worry about providing food or supervision for the child.
To me, that feels incredibly unfair, and it sends a terrible long-term message to both that child and the rest of the student body.
As long as parents don't face consequences for their child's behavior, nothing is going to change.
Legally speaking, for a parent who fails to provide proper upbringing, the current recourse is mostly just removing the child and placing them in state care.

A child might disrupt class for many reasons: maybe the material is too easy, they have gaps in their knowledge, it's too hard due to learning disabilities, or there are major crises happening at home that are more pressing than math homework. It could also be because a teacher is picking on them or another student is bullying them.
Theoretically, you could have five students acting out with the exact same behavior, but each one has a completely different story behind it. I agree that there needs to be a consequence for the behavior to stop and to signal to all kids what is acceptable, but we primarily need to address the underlying issues and provide support for positive behaviors instead.

Emily Gonzalez51 said:Forgive me, but what kind of discipline is actually being enforced here? Our education system is a complete disaster; you have kids in vocational schools smashing benches with boxing gloves and stabbing grasshoppers into the floor. Sure, it's just certain individuals, but what is the response? Nothing. In America, every fourth child is a victim of bullying. http://www.parenting.info/magazine/...america-bullying/ This is exactly where we end up because of a system without any real consequences. And then people act shocked when someone gets jumped in the street. Unfortunately, there will be more cases like Luke Ritzova's.

What does a suspended student do? They likely deal with social services or a psychologist, along with their parents. The message sent is that this behavior makes them unfit for society... yet here, people like that integrate perfectly fine and even become leaders.

Look, even if you were suspended from your job for a week because you messed something up, you wouldn't be celebrating, even if you hated your job.
Or do you honestly think we are any smarter than the Austrians? I highly doubt it. 😬

You can't compare an adult getting suspended from work to a child being sent home from school. I'm an adult; I chose my career, and I carry the responsibility for it. A child didn't choose their school, and on top of that, the responsibility for a child and their behavior lies with the parents. The sanctions you're suggesting only target the child, while the parents face nothing. How does that child feel, especially if they see a parent who isn't helping them—someone who might even be doing bad things themselves—getting no punishment? (Or maybe the only "punishment" they get is having the child taken away and placed in foster care?) Does a child really have any motivation to change when they see that the adults around them aren't role models, and aren't even held accountable?

And you can't answer my question about what happens to a child during a week-long suspension by saying "most likely." If you're planning sanctions intended to actually modify behavior, they need to be carefully thought out. You have to consider what the child does while they aren't in class, how to help them change, and how they will make up the schoolwork. Let me remind you: for a kid who is acting out or disrupting class, a suspension feels like a reward, not a punishment. You can't permanently expel them because public school is mandatory. And what would you even gain by expelling them? You'd just end up creating teenagers who turn into homeless people or criminals without even finishing their education.🤔)

Emily Gonzalez51 said:Look, in the USA, kids like this get suspended. They get sent home for a week, maybe a month. If they don't fix their act, once they return, they're expelled from school entirely. What else do you expect? Here, there are absolutely zero consequences, so of course these things keep happening.

But what is a kid actually supposed to do when they're pulled out of class? Where are they even going? What are they doing during that time? What kind of message are they receiving if their education is cut off for a week.
Don't you think that for a kid who acts out or tries to be "cool" by being disruptive, getting kicked out of class is actually a reward? 🤔

And I'm curious—how is a child supposed to improve by being removed from the classroom? Are they expected to just sit at home meditating, performing deep introspection until they reach some positive epiphany, only to show up back at school with their head bowed, asking for forgiveness? 🤣

One more thing... everyone keeps talking about sanctions (or the lack thereof)... but I’m really interested in this: how do you think we can actually encourage positive behavior if we spend all our energy focusing solely on the negative? 🤔
And honestly, who would actually want to change if they're constantly being threatened with punishments, or worse, if those punishments are the only thing they ever receive? 🤷

I can't quite make sense of that one—it looks like a bit of a typo or maybe some shorthand I'm not familiar with! If you were trying to share a thought or ask a question, feel free to drop it again. I'm all ears! kaže:
I have a question for River, since you're a lawyer who understands both the legal system and the dynamics of school staff. In our school, we have a student who hasn't adjusted at all since first grade. I won't sugarcoat it—he’s just incredibly ill-behaved. Now that he's in sixth grade, things are spiraling out of control. He’s gathered a little group of five followers who basically act as his entourage. They cause chaos during class, at recess, before school starts, after school ends, and even out at the local park. To give you some context, his mom is a pediatrician, and his dad is a coach for one of our top national rowing champions—a world-class athlete. His dad also plays tennis and has a comfortable job at a major institution in a city like Indianapolis, where the director currently lives in Brooklyn (he's a professional football referee). The kid is genuinely mean-spirited, and lately, he’s become obsessed with one specific girl, constantly targeting her while bullying everyone else too. Just the other day, he told this poor girl that her father—who works for a huge corporation and is always traveling, while her mother stays home—isn't actually on business trips, but is instead using that money to fund an affair and pay for hotels. He’s also been making offensive gestures toward another student based on their last name. He pulls his five followers into everything he does. The school hasn't really done anything about it until recently. The teacher finally woke up after the entire fifth grade had to endure this for a year and started trying to intervene. They began calling meetings with the parents of the kids being targeted, but now the situation has actually gotten worse. The boy has gone on the offensive and doesn't care who he harasses or when. To make matters worse, his dad actually rewards this behavior by taking him to national team games; he even took him to a handball tournament in Mexico, which was a total nightmare.
What kind of methods or resources can actually be used to stop this? I'm also wondering who is officially responsible for protecting the other kids at school, and if any real progress can actually be made here. By the way, just as a heads-up, the kid's uncle sits on the school board right over at City Hall.

So, what kind of qualities does that kid actually have?
Does anyone actually exist out there?
I honestly don't get it—why does someone act so terribly all the time? Is there really nothing good left? No bright spots, no kind gestures, just constant negativity? It’s honestly exhausting to deal with.
🤔

I was wondering, which of the staff members really went out of their way to focus on that child's positive traits? It would be great to know who was working on reinforcing those better behaviors.
I’ve been thinking lately about how we all navigate being parents. I'm curious to hear your thoughts—how close do you feel you actually are to your kids? For some of us, it’s easy; they’re right there with us, joining in on school birthday parties, field trips, or heading off to the movies with their friends. But then there are those moments where things feel a bit more strained. Have you ever felt like your child was constantly being singled out or criticized when you were hanging out with your own circle of friends? It's tough when you feel like they're being judged instead of just being part of the group. 🤔

You know that part from *The Little Prince*? About how you have to tame the Fox?

It honestly makes my stomach turn when I come across stories like this. I truly believe that all those little troublemakers are actually just deeply unhappy and lonely kids. Deep down, they’re actually craving guidance and proper upbringing, but they never get the chance. Instead, they're stuck in a system—from elementary school all the way up through other institutions—where everyone is just playing power games. It becomes this toxic cycle of trying to prove who's tougher, pointing fingers to see who's at fault, or bragging about whose dad drives a bigger SUV or who can bully their way to the top. 😢 🤮

It’s heartbreaking to see how a rebellious child can end up stuck in the shadows—feeling overlooked and unloved. It feels like there's this constant, growing pressure from outsiders for them to just fall in line, demanding they be obedient and hardworking for people who do nothing but criticize, punish, and push them away.
It feels like they’re just picking anyone who will take him—basically settling for the leftovers because everyone else passed him over for not being quite up to par.

Come on, let's try to see things from his perspective for a second.
How would you actually feel if someone called you out like that? And more importantly, would it give you any real motivation to change, or would you just shut down after being criticized so publicly on a forum?
Did you really think three times before posting all that info? It basically lays out his entire identity for everyone to see.

You mentioned one of the things you dislike about boys is how they say mean things to a girl's face about her dad. But what about what you’ve said about him—his dad, his mom, or his relatives? And you aren't even saying it to his face; you're doing it right here on an online forum under a protected username. Is that really okay? Aren't you essentially doing the exact same thing he does—the very behavior you claim should be stopped?
How are we supposed to teach kids not to act certain ways if we adults are out here doing the same thing? Do we just get a pass because we're older? Or are our intentions somehow "pure" while theirs are considered wrong?

😕

Jessica Howard5 said:Look, the principal had a reelection a couple of months back, and he’s set for the next four years regardless.
The catch? One of the board members is his uncle, and the guy is deep in politics.
Honestly, the best move would be for the parents to pull their kids out and find a different school, but I think the real issue is this kid's dad. He lets him get away with everything—as long as he acts out, he gets rewarded with trips to London or Chicago.
I don't get the mom, though. She's a pediatrician, yet she does absolutely nothing. I doubt Social Services will step in either.
I'm worried things are going to blow up because some of these fathers are going to take matters into their own hands. One of them is just as influential socially, but he's pretty rough around the edges, so things could get ugly.
I'm no genius, but I feel bad for the kid. You can see him turning into a delinquent right before your eyes.
If they don't fix this by the end of the year, I bet at least six or seven kids from that class will demand a transfer to another school.
The principal is totally blind to the reputation he's building. It's the same story in other grades involving "well-connected" kids. You've got the son of a local tycoon from a massive corporation in Houston (8th grade), another tycoon's kid (7th grade), two sons of CEOs from major federal agencies (5th and 7th grade)... plus a bunch of "nobodies" hanging around them just to feel important. Typical. This is what happens when you have an "elite" school. It seems "elite" only refers to the families attending, not the actual education or how the students behave.
BTW thanks for the reply.

Anyway, let's move on to someone else.
👏
🙄

But seriously, I am genuinely curious: how exactly would a different school improve his behavior? Would you just send him off to a juvenile detention center instead?🙄

Carol Young20 said:I’m a mom to a boy who just turned four. A few months ago, I started suspecting he might be showing some signs of autism...

Back when I was 32 weeks pregnant, I had some complications that landed me on bed rest in the hospital. I had to take sedatives to stay calm, and I started dealing with constant infections. Because of all that, he was born three weeks early via C-section, and he actually caught an infection from me during birth. When we finally got home, he seemed to hit his milestones like any other baby at first, but then we noticed some motor skill delays. At 11 months, he couldn't pull himself up from lying down to sitting. He clearly wanted to walk, but his lower back was weak, so he couldn't stay upright. We were referred to physical therapy... He eventually learned to crawl, pull himself up, and walked by 15 months, which is when we finished our PT sessions. He started talking at 12 months and has this incredible sense of observation. Around 18 months, we realized how well he remembers logos—things like grocery stores, appliance brands, or car manufacturers...

Between reading articles about autism and talking to parents whose children have been diagnosed, I've come to the conclusion that something isn't quite right.
He is absolutely obsessed with washing machines; he finds the spinning motion fascinating. He could spend the entire day watching the laundry spin while flapping his hands. Sometimes he’ll pick up toy cars, turn them upside down, and spin the wheels, doing that hand-flapping thing again. I’ve noticed that when he does this, he’s totally tuned out from everything else; I can call his name, but he doesn't react. On the flip side, he’s terrified of everyday appliances like blenders or vacuums, yet he's strangely drawn to much louder, heavy machinery... those are just a few things I can think of, honestly.

Since he hasn't been in daycare yet and hasn't shown any interest in drawing, singing, or other age-appropriate activities, we decided to enroll him starting February 1st. However, I'm really nervous about how they'll react and how he'll handle it. We don't have an official diagnosis yet since we just started the testing process, so I can't give the teachers a heads-up, and I'm worried that if I mention my concerns now, they might not want to accept him into the program.

If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, please help me out in any way you can. Thank you so much..

🙄

🤦

When I was little, I used to sit in front of the washing machine for hours🤣🤣🤣
just mesmerized by the spinning. Even today, I still think the washing machine is a brilliant invention—sometimes I actually find myself staring into the drum for a moment.😂

When I was five, I didn't care for drawing or writing, but I was great at math and could memorize license plates easily...
and a lot of other things like that...

(I was a difficult birth involving a vacuum extraction, and I was sent to physical therapy when I was only 6 weeks old... I kept going until I was 2.)

Fast forward 30 years, and I'm a psychologist. I feel like a perfectly normal person to myself😳 (though, in the psychology world, "normal" is a pretty broad term! 😂

Just saying this with the best intentions, but I think you might be overthinking things a bit too much here 🙂

(Though, I can't really say for sure without actually seeing the little one—things could always be better or worse than how you're describing them)

BUT: just keep in mind that the more you read about this and spiral into your own thoughts, the more convinced you'll become that you're right (and let's face it, you can find plenty of people on these forums who will tell you exactly what you want to hear)
It’s perfectly fine to see a specialist, but I don't think it'll help if you go in with the mindset that they don't know anything or aren't seeing what you see. You could end up cycling through three different doctors just to find the one who finally agrees with your specific theory.
If that happens, you'll end up treating a perfectly healthy child as if they have a chronic condition that isn't actually there 🙂

Honestly, try to get them into preschool as soon as possible. It'll give them a chance to socialize, give you some breathing room, and let the child develop naturally.
That's when you'll truly be able to tell if something is actually off.
Plus, you'll be able to compare their progress against typically developing kids rather than focusing on neurodivergent diagnoses

Tyler Reyes86 said:Grading isn't just about the final number; there’s an inherent value component to it that people often overlook. We tend to lump repeat offenders together and label them as total failures, which is such a reductive way to look at things. It completely ignores whether or not they actually have a grasp on the subject matter.

Affirmative action always operates within the exact same existing framework. Without that foundation, there isn't even a thread to pull. Where exactly are these people being hired—on Mars? No, they’re being integrated into the very same workplace environments as everyone else.

That’s certainly one way to look at it, but in my opinion, plenty of people would see things quite differently.

No, look, a low grade in music isn't some reflection on the child's character or upbringing; it’s simply down to their genetic makeup. The kid isn't responsible for that, because you can't exactly go out and rewrite your DNA, right? It is fundamentally the same thing as if someone were grading you on your height or your eye color. If a student gets a poor mark for something they can't control, they might just end up with a stomachache from all the unnecessary stress—since there is absolutely nothing they can do to change the outcome.

It’s the high school and college administrations that hold this unreasonable fetish, not the parents.

In my view, it is unacceptable for a student's grade to be dictated by genetics. After all, no one can be held accountable for their biological makeup, and they certainly shouldn't face consequences because of it.

No, why would it be unfair to demand more from someone who hit the genetic jackpot through Mother Nature's roulette?

Oh, come on!
Look, I already mentioned that grading things like music, art, or PE doesn't make much sense, so I could actually agree with you there.

But we really have to face the fact that people are just different!
Not every kid has the exact same cognitive development, which shows up as slower processing speeds, memory issues, and so on, affecting how they absorb material. Or, for instance, if a child's visual-motor coordination isn't fully developed, they might struggle with handwriting. I'm not talking about severe disabilities or organic impairments here—just the most basic variations. If we mask these struggles by handing out "fake" passing grades, we might actually be causing more trouble down the road, and worst of all, crushing a child's self-esteem later on. Some kids can push through those hurdles with extra effort, but everyone has their limits.
Kids don't all learn at the same pace, but I honestly don't get why it bothers you when someone is naturally bright and doesn't seem to be "trying." They *are* putting in the work; it just means they aren't sitting in a chair for hours staring at a textbook. They grasp everything in an hour and then spend the rest of their time playing or studying something else. Honestly, those kids often end up learning way more than the ones who spend all night grinding away... and that's just the reality of it.

Tyler Reyes86 said:So, what you're saying is that it's entirely plausible for a child to put in massive effort and study day in and day out just to earn a high grade, only for the parent to miss it entirely? And then, through sheer lack of guidance—or perhaps active encouragement—they let the kid just coast and become totally lazy during the break?
Your scenario sounds like something straight out of an absurdist comedy.

On the contrary, grading effort is both possible and the only way that makes sense. Whether someone is working with the child at home, hiring tutors, enrolling them in extracurriculars, or if the child is being neglected and nobody cares—all of that contributes to the overall picture a teacher builds of a student. And of course, communication between parents and the school is absolutely vital.

I was just giving you an example from my own neighborhood—this kid passed with flying colors, but he couldn't even list the names of his classmates who also got straight As (which, theoretically, he should have been able to memorize), and their names were even published in the local newspaper! Isn't that just awful?

By the way, where did I say that a child puts in effort and the parent fails to notice?
What I meant was that the kid struggles with spelling but works really hard, so the teacher gives them an A even though they haven't fully mastered reading yet!

Tyler Reyes86 said:So, what you're saying is that it's entirely plausible for a child to put in massive effort and study day in and day out just to earn a high grade, only for the parent to miss it entirely? And then, through sheer lack of guidance—or perhaps active encouragement—they let the kid just coast and become totally lazy during the break?
Your scenario sounds like something straight out of an absurdist comedy.

On the contrary, grading effort is both possible and the only way that makes sense. Whether someone is working with the child at home, hiring tutors, enrolling them in extracurriculars, or if the child is being neglected and nobody cares—all of that contributes to the overall picture a teacher builds of a student. And of course, communication between parents and the school is absolutely vital.

Grading effort just doesn't make sense! Look, let's face it: some people need five minutes to memorize a poem, while others need ten days. So, what? Are we going to give an A to the person who struggled for ten days to learn a poem, instead of the one who learned it in five minutes and then spent the next ten days reading three books, finishing three science lessons, and learning 200 foreign language words?
What are we rewarding here? Someone who stays cooped up inside, avoids social interaction, and develops anxiety or psychosomatic issues just because their overly ambitious parents can't handle anything less than a perfect score?

Effort matters, obviously—you can't have success without it—but we shouldn't be handing out As just because a kid's parents can afford three private tutors, making it look like "effort" when they're actually just being coached through everything...

And honestly, it’s so hard to tell if "effort" is actually coming from the kid or somewhere else. Take homework, for instance—how are you supposed to know if the child actually solved it (which, in my opinion, deserves plenty of credit), if they just copied it from the internet, if Mom did it for them, or if they just copied a friend? Just because someone turns in homework every single day doesn't mean they understand it... or that they've actually retained what they did.

Tyler Reyes86 said:I think you might be misinformed on this one. There are standard programs for average students, yes, but there are also specially adapted curricula and individualized approaches for students facing learning difficulties. Furthermore, there are dedicated enrichment programs specifically designed for gifted students.

I fail to see why any child should be penalized with a poor grade just because they lack hearing, or perhaps a knack for painting, or a talent for sports or math. Or, conversely, why they should be rewarded simply because they were born with a specific talent? Why not grade people on their physical beauty? That, too, is an innate quality.

And yes, you are correct; evaluating children based on their innate abilities is a natural impulse. However, that is how primitive tribes living in the Stone Age operate. A civilized society provides for different rules. Unfortunately, it seems many people aren't aware they actually live in a civilized society, so they continue to cling to customs from the jungle.

Actually, you can, and in many ways, you must. Perhaps look into the concept of affirmative action and how it functions within developed societies.

What "black average" are we talking about? Where does this "average" exist, other than in the minds of poor statisticians? A classroom isn't composed of an "average"; it is composed of living, breathing students, each with their own unique characteristics. Any teacher who is unable to respect that fundamental fact is simply incapable of working with children.

As for this supposed grade inflation among top students, there really isn't any cause for alarm; by the time graduation rolls around, we’re looking at a mere 7% of the class reaching that level.

Actually, anyone who puts in extraordinary effort has earned that A. Educational psychology doesn't just look at achievements—which are relative anyway, depending on who you're being compared to—it also recognizes hard work and dedication. In fact, one could argue the whole point of schooling is to help kids build work ethic and self-teaching skills, rather than just showing off specific talents like some kind of circus act.

You aren't the only parent here; plenty of others have kids too.

When children are allowed to achieve what you call "top-tier results" (which I assume means getting high grades) without breaking a sweat, they end up becoming lazy and disinterested in working. Why? Because they don't need to put in the effort. Then, when they eventually face real-world situations where hard work is mandatory, they're completely lost; they simply haven't learned how to grind. To not demand more from a particularly gifted student is, frankly, bad pedagogy.

You really hit the nail on the head with this one. 🙂
Think about the kid who struggles just to sound out words but works incredibly hard to earn an A. They might even make the local news for being an honor student. Because of that, they get the whole summer off to just chill. Mom coddles them, Dad tells them they can do whatever they want since they worked so hard all year, and the grandparents spoil them rotten, telling them they don't need to read comics or books right now because they're such a star—unlike the kids getting Cs who have to study all summer. Fast forward to middle school, and suddenly they're failing History or Geography. Even the English teacher is left wondering why there isn't a failing grade for kids who literally can't even read yet! On top of that, they've become totally unmotivated and disinterested in school.
And let's be real: if a kid hasn't mastered reading, they aren't just "not studying," they physically *can't* study effectively.

Grading based solely on effort is honestly a bit senseless.
We should definitely praise effort, but we need to see if that effort is actually productive (some kids try really hard but just aren't grasping the concept—we need to figure out why). We also have to look at whether that effort is truly coming from the child, or if it's just a joint project between the parent and the kid, or even just the parent doing all the heavy lifting!

In my opinion, we really shouldn't be grading subjects like art, music, or PE at all.

Tyler Reyes86 said:

I suppose I should begin by acknowledging that my previous observations regarding the rhinoceros have been somewhat... lacking in depth. It is quite a heavy topic, isn't it? One moment you are contemplating the sheer mass of such a creature, and the next, you find yourself wondering about the structural integrity of its hide. Truly fascinating! It reminds me of those discussions we had last week—you know, the ones where Tyler Reyes86 was insisting on the importance of biological classification? He’s always so precise, isn't he? And then there was silverpuma542, who I believe mentioned something about conservation efforts in the Midwest. Such important work! Anyway, back to the beast itself. There is something almost dignified about a rhino, despite its somewhat cumbersome gait. It moves with a certain... purpose. Or perhaps just momentum? It's hard to say. Regardless, I find myself increasingly preoccupied with the sheer scale of them. It really puts our little human concerns into perspective, don't you think? Just a massive, unstoppable force of nature roaming through the plains. Simply marvelous! kaže:
Insufficient.
I suppose one could argue that two is quite sufficient.
3 - solid.
4. Really quite excellent.
5-excellent!

I truly feel a sense of regret regarding how we grade our children using nothing but cold, hard numbers. When you hand a student an F, you aren't just marking a paper; you are sending a clear message that they haven't mastered the material yet—and frankly, that is exactly what they need to hear. It’s a reality check. However, I find it utterly baffling why a C is treated like some sort of academic catastrophe. To me, a C signifies that the child actually grasped the curriculum. It means they've got the fundamentals down. Anything above that should simply be seen as a sign that more effort is required to reach the next level.

If we’re going to claim that a C is a terrible grade, then our entire American school system deserves the blame. It’s a bit of a rigged game, isn't it? If you graduate elementary school with nothing but average marks, your options basically vanish. You’re looking at being funneled straight into three-year vocational programs or trade schools, which pretty much slams the door on any hopes of pursuing higher education later on. Most parents just want their kids to have every possible advantage, so naturally, they see a mediocre grade as a massive roadblock to future success. It's all about keeping those doors open, right?

Strict grading policies in the early years of Elementary School just don't align with what we know about developmental psychology. Kids at that age are incredibly emotionally fragile; it’s far too easy to instill a deep-seated belief that they simply aren't capable. When they face a constant barrage of low grades, it sends a devastating message: that they are somehow less valuable than their peers. The mechanism for critical thinking isn't even fully developed yet. A child isn't quite able to step back, analyze the situation, and separate their actual effort from their innate abilities. So, when they encounter failure, they tend to internalize it, thinking they are just fundamentally flawed—which makes them feel like there's no point in even trying. That is exactly how you breed a lifelong aversion to school and learning.

It is something that should genuinely give any parent pause: the sheer lack of specialized knowledge among teachers regarding areas they really ought to master if they are working professionally with children. It’s quite concerning, really. Unfortunately, it seems many educators aren't just unfamiliar with developmental psychology, but they seem to lack a fundamental grasp of pedagogy altogether.
The idea that parents are somehow obligated to teach their children "how to learn" feels incredibly unprofessional—frankly, it’s just plain rude.
That is precisely where the teaching staff should be making their most critical impact. It isn't just about delivering content; it’s about equipping students with actual methods for mastering material and retaining information effectively. We need to be teaching them the psychological mechanisms that allow a student to find their own internal drive and stay motivated toward achieving their goals.
On the flip side, I honestly don't think elementary school is even necessary for those lower grades. Let’s be real—the curriculum they cover during that stage is stuff any parent who actually finished middle school already knows by heart, so technically, you could just pass it along to your kid yourself. Of course, not every parent happens to be a trained pedagogue or a child psychologist, so we might lack the specialized tools to teach them actual study strategies. That responsibility should fall squarely on the teachers. Instead, many of them just dump a mountain of information on the kids and basically tell them to go sit at the kitchen table and figure it out themselves. A teacher's job should be to structure the material so that most of it sticks during class time, leaving nothing for home except a quick review. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of educators aren't up to the task, and instead of taking accountability, they just point the finger at the parents and the students for their own shortcomings.

It seems the profound ignorance of our educators has once again made its unwelcome appearance on this thread. I’ve noticed several users making remarks regarding the cognitive abilities—or lack thereof—of certain students. In my view, innate talents, natural aptitudes, or even inherent shortcomings ought to have absolutely no bearing on a student's grade. If we allow that to happen, we aren't actually grading academic performance; we are merely grading genetic predisposition. To judge a person based on their biological data is, by its very definition, nothing short of pure racism.

If you find yourself with a student who is truly gifted—I mean, someone who is operating on a completely different level than their peers—then skipping a grade should be on the table. If that isn't an option, then we have a moral obligation to raise the bar for them. It’s just common sense, really. If we don't, that child is going to lose all motivation to actually engage with the material, and frankly, it creates this weird tension in the classroom. You'll have the other kids feeling frustrated because they see someone succeeding effortlessly due to nothing more than pure genetic luck, without having to put in the grind. It’s a lose-lose situation if we don't adjust our expectations.
We really need to see this kind of adaptability in our schools when working with students who have learning disabilities. It’s essential that we implement individualized education programs (IEPs) to meet them where they are. In my view, grading should be based on the actual effort a student puts in rather than some arbitrary standard. A child's biological makeup—something they have absolutely no control over and certainly can't change—should never play a role in their academic evaluation. It just wouldn't be fair.
Essentially, we need to unlearn this vulgar biological determinism—this whole obsession with racism and those supposed "natural" hierarchies where some people are inherently stronger or weaker than others. We aren't living in the jungle, after all, so those kinds of distinctions simply shouldn't matter anymore.

For the most part, barring a few honorable exceptions, our educators are remarkably uninformed about their own field. If we were being strictly honest and gave them an overall grade for their performance, they would barely scrape by with a D. If they even managed that.

I think anyone who treats a C as a bad grade is part of the problem—parents, teachers, and the media alike. They're essentially raising kids this way. In our grading scale, a 3 means "satisfactory," but if we treat "satisfactory" as a failure, we end up creating these tiny perfectionists. It creates kids who are obsessed with external validation, where anything less than perfect is seen as a flaw. Plus, it totally devalues the students who actually earned an A and are clearly excelling beyond their peers!

It’s totally understandable that every parent wants the best for their child, but who defines what "best" is? If a kid shows genuine interest and talent in a specific area, why shouldn't a trade school be a great option? I honestly feel like forcing a child toward academic excellence when they don't have the capacity for it can cause real, lasting harm. We aren't all born with the exact same skill sets, and society needs skilled tradespeople too. There's absolutely no shame in growing up to be incredibly successful in a specialized trade!

I can somewhat wrap my head around pushing for straight As in high school, but goodness, a single C in first or second grade doesn't mean a kid won't go to college one day! At the same time, if you just hand out As in the early years, you still end up with a group of students who eventually move into vocational tracks anyway, so what was the point?

Honestly, I don't see the purpose in handing out empty As to little ones in the early grades. Personally, I'm a big fan of descriptive feedback—where you actually write down what the child knows and how much they know. Using smiley faces, stickers, or even just a simple checkmark feels much more appropriate for small kids than a letter grade, which seems to lose its actual meaning for parents, students, and teachers these days!

Teach your child that if they got a C, it means they understood the material well, even if they didn't master it like the student who got a B, or ace it like the student who got an A. And instead of constantly worrying about what they'll do for a career or if they'll make it to a university, focus on whether they're happy, if they have friends, if they have a favorite subject, what challenges they're facing, and what truly makes them excited about learning...
Focus on raising a human being, not chasing numbers!

Regarding grading in first grade... I’m still firmly against using letter grades or numbers at this age. I truly believe it fails to send a clear message to these little ones about what they’ve actually mastered versus what they haven't. And honestly, it doesn't help parents much either—you always have those who feel embarrassed if their kid gets a B instead of an A. And don't even get me started on the craziness of local newspapers publishing lists of kids who got straight As. It’s no wonder teachers sometimes hand out easy A's just to keep kids from feeling discouraged or to boost their self-esteem. In those cases, whether a child can actually read is treated as less important than what grade is written in the report card to show off to the grandparents, who then reward that "hard work" with a new phone or a bike.
Here are a few examples from my own experience:
A mother once came to me complaining that her child's performance had suddenly dropped (he used to get all A's from 1st to 4th grade). He just can't seem to adjust to different teachers, even though she sits with him for two or three hours every single day. Now, his highest grade is a C...
1. The child can't actually read... I mean, they struggle with letters in longer words, and reading comprehension just isn't there yet.
2. The mom isn't really studying *with* him; she's doing the work *for* him (she'll grab a history textbook, take notes, and just tell him the story instead).
3. Every single teacher he's struggled to adapt to has made it very clear, both to the student and the parent, that he needs to learn how to read first. Truth hurts, right?

I've seen plenty of examples, some even more extreme than these, but the saddest ones for me are when learning disabilities are diagnosed far too late because they were masked by those fake A's for years.

So, instead of questioning why the teachers are being "strict," maybe ask yourself if my child can actually read and if they truly earned that A!
A child who receives nothing but A's has no incentive to study harder. But a child who earns a C—if their parents don't crush their spirit with high expectations and personal complexes—will put in the extra effort to reach a B or even an A (assuming, of course, the child has the cognitive ability to do so... sometimes we just have to accept that reality).

Jason Ortiz5 said:I’m gonna jump in here with an off-topic thought. If the mods aren't cool with it, please feel free to move this to its own thread.

I’ve got a question for the experts and anyone else here who works with kids... My little girl is almost 5 now, but she’s already reading pretty smoothly. She tackles her little books all by herself—not just picture books, but actual storybooks and poems. Sometimes she’ll stop to ask me about a long word she doesn't recognize, but that's about it. She handles lowercase letters like a pro, and she can even make sense of my handwriting (I went to technical school, so my print is super neat). Writing is a bit more of a struggle; she knows her uppercase letters, but she still flips them around sometimes, though given her fine motor skills, I think it's totally fine. Occasionally, she’ll find a note I left for my husband on the table 😉 and try to copy down exactly what I wrote. No one has really done anything specific with her; if she asks me to show her how to do something, I will, but I haven't wanted to push her too hard since she's so young. It's the same with her grandparents, and even at her preschool, they say they teach reading, but they don't force it at this age. I think she was just naturally curious—she’s always been a total sponge—so she put in the work. I see the same thing happening with her English classes at preschool; she honestly just loves learning. Her school is pretty big on building study habits early, too. They have this preschool curriculum approved by the Department of Education that runs for maybe 250 hours. The kids actually get regular assignments, and the teachers grade them with smiley faces or frowny ones... 😍

So, what do I do? By September, I need to decide if I should enroll her in the advanced preschool track so I can request she starts kindergarten at 6. Or should I just let her be for another year and let her go through the process along with her friends from preschool? She’s still such a playful kid and has so many buddies in her group... But then again, she makes new friends easily, and hanging out with older kids isn't a big deal to her at all.

My fear is that if I wait until she's 7, she’ll just be bored in first grade. She might get restless or lose interest altogether... And I’d hate to see her lose that spark for learning if I don't absolutely have to.

I asked Jason Ortiz5 for her take since she's a teacher. She thinks I should wait until she's 7, saying kids like hers are easy to handle and I shouldn't worry. But honestly, how can I expect a woman managing a class of 25 kids to give special attention to just a few of them while ignoring the ones who actually need the extra academic challenge? It feels unrealistic to me. Plus, a friend of mine whose sister is also a teacher told me she totally regretted waiting until her son turned 7...

I feel like I'm losing it... So, I'm asking the pros for advice, comments, anything that could help me make this call. The teachers at the preschool promised to check if there are any maturity assessments for kids this age. I feel silly even thinking about going to the school psychologist, though. It feels like overkill. I already feel like I'm overthinking this and being a total nuisance...

Man, why didn't anyone warn me that being a parent is this hard? 😢

Ask the preschool psychologist.
It would be great if they could do a formal assessment and observe her a bit. And honestly, if she's showing interest in school now, why force her to just play?
I haven't actually met your little one, so I’d feel a bit silly judging based just on what you've told me. That said, starting school at seven might get a bit repetitive for her... who knows what else she'll pick up and learn by then?

And hey, you can always look into seeing a different psychologist outside of the preschool program. Psychologists aren't just there for kids with specific disorders!

Jonathan Adams2 said:I'm a teacher, and honestly, I've handed out plenty of D's in reading during first grade... I don't get why people think that's weird. Not every kid is going to pull an A in reading. Besides, the scale is 1-5... when a kid gets a 3, the parent needs to step up, work with them more, and practice reading so they actually succeed next time.

I never sent tests home and I don't plan to. Any parent can look over their child's specific tests during individual conferences to see exactly where they messed up. Plus, after every test, corrections are written right in the notebook, so parents can see exactly which types of problems need more practice.

The real issue here is the reading grade and the teacher, from what I can tell. There's a massive amount of material to cover in a short time, so teachers really need to spend more one-on-one time with the students.

Someone mentioned here that they helped their kid with homework while the kid was supposed to be in after-school care... that's insane to me. Why??? It's the teacher's job to work individually with students who are struggling so the work actually gets done at school (that's literally the whole point of after-school programs). These teachers aren't daycare workers or babysitters. Some kids are super restless and refuse to do work at school. A colleague of mine who runs the after-school program has zero tolerance for that... those kids stay late, and you wouldn't believe how fast they knock out their homework once they're forced to focus. Of course, that's all coordinated with the parents.

Stop stressing about the grades because you're just stressing out the kid. It creates massive pressure and frustration. Every grade is earned based on merit and knowledge, and besides, any grade can be improved later.

I've always been known as a pretty tough teacher. Parents from the last generation (before I was pregnant) were sometimes furious about my strict grading. When I ran into them later while I was on maternity leave, they were yelling at me, saying they regretted my strictness because my substitute was too soft. They claimed the kids totally checked out and lost their drive to learn or their curiosity because they knew they could just coast to an A.

You're only in first grade. Help your kid find their footing and make sure they experience school in the best possible light. School shouldn't be a nightmare unless we turn it into one.👍

👍