Posts by Susan James

hiddenheron58 said:The chances of remodeling right now are zero; I don't have any extra cash lying around, I’m currently going through a divorce, and I’m not working at the moment. My ex and I were sleeping in the living room while giving the bedroom to the kids, though their school schedules are different—not that he really needs his own room as much as my little girl does. He’d rather just crash in the living room and watch TV. Why am I seeing a psychiatrist? Because I first went to the school counselor, and he basically told me he doesn't deal with family dysfunction, so he referred me to a private specialist regarding $667, which I simply can't afford. Then I found a free city-funded clinic, but the woman there told me they only allow up to 12 sessions; if there isn't immediate progress, they move on because they're spread too thin. And that’s exactly what happened. My son had an outburst where he was being verbally abusive toward her, so she recommended this specific adolescent psychiatrist who specializes in anger and aggression. It feels like there were two separate camps in our house, but since I’m on my own starting this month, I’m trying to fix it. I’m being hyper-protective of my son now, but even though my daughter can sense the tension, it feels like nothing I do works... he’s just getting more aggressive. Honestly, I get the feeling that being "nicer" to him actually creates more resistance. This whole divorce started about two years ago. We’re doing it amicably—there was no domestic violence or cheating, just a total mismatch of personalities. He’d lounge around while I was out running errands, or he’d sleep all day while I was active, so the kids only ever saw a cold relationship rather than some traumatic scene of a mother bruised from fighting. I’ve tried everything from setting boundaries to spoiling him, but it feels like he’s just resisting everything. I’ll sit down with him, let him vent his frustrations and desires, but an hour later, he just tramples over all that progress. For example, he hates it when his sister calls him "little man," and he demands I forbid her from saying it. I listen to him, I talk to her, I try to mediate... then he walks in from school and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Where's that idiot? Is she back on the computer again?" She hears him, and then it's war. It looks like typical sibling bickering, but it’s so much worse than that; it escalates into heavy insults and physical fighting (we’ve actually ended up in the ER once). So, I'm not posting here looking for sympathy by claiming "puberty is just how brothers act." This has become unbearable. It's like nothing satisfies him—not the good stuff, not the bad...

🤦

I really respect professionals who admit when they aren't equipped to handle a situation and pass the baton, but I honestly feel they missed a beat by not offering you even a tiny bit of guidance. Instead, they just dumped the entire weight of your family's dynamic onto your son, labeling him a "difficult case."

On top of that, I think it's easy to just label a child with a behavioral disorder and wash your hands of it (to check off all the boxes and fill out those bureaucratic forms 🥳). However, I believe the school psychologist could have spent a few hours assessing the communication skills between you and your son, teaching both of you how to use "I" statements, and finding his strengths at school—like sports, art, his friend group, or his relationship with teachers...

Reading through your other posts, I can see how much support you personally need right now. I know you feel like you're hitting a wall everywhere, and while it might sound idealistic, many of his reactions would likely change if you were able to get some support and advice to help shift certain patterns in your own behavior.

It seems to me like you're caught in a cycle between "giving in to everything" and "shutting him out," when what he actually needs is a mix of emotional support and very firm boundaries.
I think that right at this moment, when your whole world feels like it's upside down and you desperately need support yourself, you simply don't have the emotional capacity to be his primary support system.
It's totally normal to just snap sometimes.
What do you do to decompress? Do you have any hobbies or close friends you can lean on?

I'm not sure which city you're in, but local Family Services centers often have great therapists available for free, and there are various non-profits and community organizations that might offer free counseling... it's worth looking into, at least.

hiddenheron58 said:The chances of remodeling right now are zero; I don't have any extra cash lying around, I’m currently going through a divorce, and I’m not working at the moment. My ex and I were sleeping in the living room while giving the bedroom to the kids, though their school schedules are different—not that he really needs his own room as much as my little girl does. He’d rather just crash in the living room and watch TV. Why am I seeing a psychiatrist? Because I first went to the school counselor, and he basically told me he doesn't deal with family dysfunction, so he referred me to a private specialist regarding $667, which I simply can't afford. Then I found a free city-funded clinic, but the woman there told me they only allow up to 12 sessions; if there isn't immediate progress, they move on because they're spread too thin. And that’s exactly what happened. My son had an outburst where he was being verbally abusive toward her, so she recommended this specific adolescent psychiatrist who specializes in anger and aggression. It feels like there were two separate camps in our house, but since I’m on my own starting this month, I’m trying to fix it. I’m being hyper-protective of my son now, but even though my daughter can sense the tension, it feels like nothing I do works... he’s just getting more aggressive. Honestly, I get the feeling that being "nicer" to him actually creates more resistance. This whole divorce started about two years ago. We’re doing it amicably—there was no domestic violence or cheating, just a total mismatch of personalities. He’d lounge around while I was out running errands, or he’d sleep all day while I was active, so the kids only ever saw a cold relationship rather than some traumatic scene of a mother bruised from fighting. I’ve tried everything from setting boundaries to spoiling him, but it feels like he’s just resisting everything. I’ll sit down with him, let him vent his frustrations and desires, but an hour later, he just tramples over all that progress. For example, he hates it when his sister calls him "little man," and he demands I forbid her from saying it. I listen to him, I talk to her, I try to mediate... then he walks in from school and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Where's that idiot? Is she back on the computer again?" She hears him, and then it's war. It looks like typical sibling bickering, but it’s so much worse than that; it escalates into heavy insults and physical fighting (we’ve actually ended up in the ER once). So, I'm not posting here looking for sympathy by claiming "puberty is just how brothers act." This has become unbearable. It's like nothing satisfies him—not the good stuff, not the bad...

I think he is old enough to tell his sister directly:
"I don't want you calling me 'little guy.' My name is [Name], and I want you to address me that way."

It’s definitely worth letting her know that his behavior is upsetting him or feels disrespectful, but at the end of the day, the responsibility lies with her to decide if she wants to change how she acts. Plus, he really needs to learn how to deal with people directly rather than running to Mom for backup—otherwise, you end up with "warring factions" inside your own house whenever she doesn't listen to you.

By the way, kids are allowed to bicker and disagree, but they shouldn't be using insults, getting physical, or throwing things during an argument.
I personally think it's healthy for them to speak their minds and vent about whatever is bothering them. There's no point in suppressing those feelings; instead, just set some very clear ground rules for how they handle disagreements.

Every household deals with "computer drama" when there's only one PC and multiple people trying to use it within the same 24-hour window.
Usually, the best way to fix this is through a family meeting and a public schedule. Just sit down with all three of them, map out school hours and extracurriculars, and figure out specific windows for computer time.
Agree on the plan, and make sure to establish consequences for following the rules versus what happens when someone breaks them...
Let them have their say and express what they want, but make sure your word is the final one—basically, listen to their requests and then wrap them into a realistic framework that actually works.

hiddenheron58 said:I honestly can't pin down when it started; maybe two years ago. My daughter is older, and she's basically distanced herself from him because he acts like an annoying little brother, but they still share a room, so they're forced into each other's space. He gets incredibly jealous of her, which is how the insults started. Once I told him he couldn't talk to his sister that way, he just turned all that aggression toward me. Communication is a total disaster now, and I have no idea how to get back to how things used to be. I know it takes effort, but he's so incredibly rigid that the second I try to show him any affection, I get hit with a barrage of insults. His father has been practically non-existent in our lives—just a stubborn, old-school guy with archaic views. He thinks a woman's place is strictly in the kitchen; he belittles me while shielding the boy, and the kid has definitely picked up on that power dynamic... it's given him a sense of entitlement. Now that I'm getting a divorce, when I mentioned "distancing" him, I meant handing him over to his father so he can finally deal with the consequences himself. But then again, I can't imagine being apart from my child, even though I'm at my breaking point. It's exhausting. Of course I ask him what he wants; I try to accommodate him, sometimes. I cook what he likes, I look at things through his eyes. I beg my daughter to try and connect with him since he clearly needs it, and she tries, but if she asks him to do one simple thing or move out of the way and it's not exactly what he wants, she's suddenly "stupid" or worse. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right section since I'm new to the forum and don't know the rules yet, so thanks for the input.

I think during puberty, sharing a room with a sister is tough, let alone with a younger brother.
Every teenager needs some space of their own....
Is there any chance you could put up a temporary partition or something?
How are things working out with school schedules? Does he ever get any time to himself?

Regarding the bolded part... instead of sending the child to a psychiatrist, I would look for a good family therapist for "all of us."
The father likely won't want to participate, but it seems to me that you guys need someone to help stabilize things and improve your communication and relationships.
Right now, it feels like everyone has taken sides, like a battlefield, and that isn't healthy.

Also, even if the father hasn't been very present in your lives, a divorce is a massive shift, especially for kids. You have to observe how the child is handling everything... and where these changes in mood and relationships are coming from.

It's fine for him to have support through a counselor or even a therapist, but I wouldn't send him to a psychiatrist for "behavioral issues."
I don't think that's the case here.
Sending him to a psychiatrist might label him as having a disorder, when really it's the family dynamic that's disrupted; he's just a symptom of that.

hiddenheron58 said:I honestly can't pin down when it started; maybe two years ago. My daughter is older, and she's basically distanced herself from him because he acts like an annoying little brother, but they still share a room, so they're forced into each other's space. He gets incredibly jealous of her, which is how the insults started. Once I told him he couldn't talk to his sister that way, he just turned all that aggression toward me. Communication is a total disaster now, and I have no idea how to get back to how things used to be. I know it takes effort, but he's so incredibly rigid that the second I try to show him any affection, I get hit with a barrage of insults. His father has been practically non-existent in our lives—just a stubborn, old-school guy with archaic views. He thinks a woman's place is strictly in the kitchen; he belittles me while shielding the boy, and the kid has definitely picked up on that power dynamic... it's given him a sense of entitlement. Now that I'm getting a divorce, when I mentioned "distancing" him, I meant handing him over to his father so he can finally deal with the consequences himself. But then again, I can't imagine being apart from my child, even though I'm at my breaking point. It's exhausting. Of course I ask him what he wants; I try to accommodate him, sometimes. I cook what he likes, I look at things through his eyes. I beg my daughter to try and connect with him since he clearly needs it, and she tries, but if she asks him to do one simple thing or move out of the way and it's not exactly what he wants, she's suddenly "stupid" or worse. I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right section since I'm new to the forum and don't know the rules yet, so thanks for the input.

I didn't mean that he should always be catered to, but rather that he should be in an environment where he has the right to express his needs and desires—and where those needs can be met, or not met immediately, because someone is setting boundaries for him.
The important thing is that he can voice them.
Usually, it's much easier to ask something of a child when we are also being attentive to them (not as a transaction, but through being open to them and their needs).

hiddenheron58 said:Good afternoon. Here comes another desperate mother. I know I’m repeating myself, but I’ve scrolled through every single thread from start to finish and I still haven't found any actual advice on how to survive these days—or years, God forbid. My issue is my 15-year-old son, and to make a long story short, it’s everything he does or refuses to do. He won't study, he refuses to wear his braces, he won't talk to anyone, he won't eat, and he won't listen to a single request... if I ask him to turn off a light, he just leaves it on for me to deal with. But the absolute worst part is the way he insults his older sister and me. He calls us stupid or trash, and there's even worse stuff, but I'm too ashamed to write it down. He’s seeing a psychiatrist because I pushed him to go, but his behavior is actually getting worse. I feel like I've hit a breaking point where I'm seriously considering kicking him out of the house. I could spend my whole life complaining like this, but I've truly reached the end of my rope and I don't know what to do next. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind at times. If there are any kindred spirits out there, I desperately need some advice on how to move forward... A desperate mother🤷

But where would you even send him?
😕

I wouldn't call this just typical teenage rebellion. It sounds like something is fundamentally broken in your communication or your relationship, and maybe it's been that way for a while...
It might stem from parenting styles—yours, his father's, or how you both interact with him and his sister collectively...

When did this behavior first start?
Was there a specific change in his life recently?

How is he doing at school? How does he act around other adults or his friends?
What are his interests? What actually makes him happy or brings him joy?
You listed a lot of things he *won't* do... but do you ever sit down and ask him what he *wants* to do?

I'm feeling pretty good today! Just wanted to pop in and say hello to everyone. Hope you're all having a wonderful week so far. kaže:
Just because someone has a specific viewpoint doesn't mean they're automatically being biased.
From what I've been noticing lately, it seems like... I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that! It looks like your message might have been cut off. Feel free to send over whatever you were working on—I'm ready whenever you are!It feels like there’s been this complete silence regarding the constant accusations being thrown at parents. It isn't just about one thing; it’s a continuous stream of complaints and unsolicited commentary aimed directly at the parents rather than focusing on the actual methods being used. For instance, nobody has addressed the claims that parents are just letting their kids cry so they can sit there and watch Sulejman. Or even worse, the accusations that parents are intentionally talking to their children just to rub salt in the wound—basically making a bad situation even more agonizing for them. There’s just been no response to any of it, and it’s frustrating to see all these allegations ignored.
It felt a little unfair when I posted my thoughts on the forum earlier. I was just trying to say that people were overreacting, but it seemed like everyone took it personally. It actually ended up getting me a warning, which was pretty disappointing since I wasn't trying to start anything—I just don't really care for those kinds of accusations.
It’s honestly frustrating to watch. The person who actually threw out those insults and baseless accusations didn't face any consequences at all. Instead, the one who stepped up to call out such a truly monstrous accusation is the one being punished. It just feels backwards.
To I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that! It looks like your message might have been cut off. What's on your mind? That just feels plain wrong—unfair and totally one-sided.

I’m so sorry I didn't get back to you sooner! I'm not quite sure what you mean by that! If you were trying to share something specific or had a question in mind, feel free to drop it below. I'm all ears and happy to chat!

I’m not quite sure what you mean by that! If you were trying to start a conversation or ask a question, feel free to jump back in. I'm all ears! I'm not quite sure what you're getting at here! Could you give me a bit more context or let me know what you need help with? I'm all ears and ready to jump in once I know what we're working on.

Regarding those other users you claim aren't actually banned—even when they seem to be provoking or being rude—I’ve noticed a pattern with them. In my experience, they usually speak from their own personal perspective, sharing how they feel about the method itself. They often end up opening up and apologizing if they realize they’ve crossed a line in how they communicate. I haven't really seen that happen with you, though.
I mean, if they’re really getting under your skin, why bother replying to them so much? Especially when the conversation has already drifted off-topic. It just seems like extra energy for no reason!

Regarding those "monstrous accusations," I’ve noticed you have a bit of a habit of projecting "accusations" onto people. Even when nobody actually uses those exact words, you frame things in a way that makes them sound much more intense than they really are. Of course, that just sends people into a defensive spiral where they end up overreacting to what feels like a provocation.
Take a look at this, for example. ovaj post

I can't quite make sense of that one! Was there something specific you wanted to chat about? I'm all ears! kaže:
I have this feeling that because of this specific method—and those few days of tears and tantrums—some parents end up being judged unfairly. It feels like people focus solely on that one moment, regardless of everything else they do or how they actually treat their child throughout the rest of their lives. Some people would go as far as to call them criminals, at the very least.They’re being labeled as harsh and careless... honestly, I think that’s just not fair.
There are so many different ways to be a subpar parent, and it’s not always about the big, obvious stuff. Sometimes, it’s much more subtle. You see it all the time—parents who aren't necessarily breaking any laws, but they’re essentially neglecting their kids by just being physically present without actually being *there*. I’m talking about those moments where everyone is sitting around the dinner table together, but nobody is actually communicating. One parent is staring at their phone, or they're just mentally checked out, completely missing the little things their child is trying to say. It sounds small, but these constant patterns of emotional absence really take a toll. They quietly shape a child's development in ways that can leave lasting marks, often because the parents don't even realize they're doing it. It's those little gaps in connection that end up mattering the most.

I haven't actually seen anyone on this thread labeling people as villains like you're claiming.
🤷
If that's the case, why didn't you report the post?
So, were you talking about any other specific comments that felt off to you, whether they were directed at you personally or just someone else you found the insults to be inappropriate?

I noticed there’s a little triangle icon next to everyone's username on the forum...

Nicholas King said:If I saw an article headlined with some vague nonsense like "Getting into high school will be even harder this year," I wouldn't believe it even if the entire thing was just a printed multiplication table. Honestly—and I mean this quite sincerely—the only way admission could actually become "harder" is if the schools decided to slash their enrollment numbers. A journalist who fails to grasp such basic logic... well, they aren't worth a single second of anyone's time.

...or if other schools drop their capacity, which would just put even more pressure on the high schools.
Alternatively, maybe the reporter has some inside scoop suggesting there’s a massive surge in top-tier students this year. If that's the case, despite the changes to how points are calculated, we might see a huge crowd of kids all tied with those same high scores...

Either way, this feels like nothing more than baseless speculation designed to stress out kids and parents during the middle school transition.😳

rowdypanther12 said:That’s actually why I think this approach works better—having one bad year only account for 25% instead of 50% feels much fairer.
Personally, I would have preferred being judged on my junior and senior years, where I barely scraped by with a C, rather than just looking at my freshman year and my later grades where I really struggled.😂

But honestly, there should be a way for students to pivot whenever they want. If they realize their current path isn't working, they should be able to switch majors and head in a new direction if they have the drive.
It used to feel like there was more flexibility here to balance school with a job, which gave people a real chance to pursue an education or change careers even into their 30s, no matter how tough things got.
With the way the current credit system is set up, that kind of work-study balance is pretty much gone.

A 4.2 or 4.3🤔

He mentioned that it’s definitely better for a high school to see all four years of schooling rather than just two.
If you’re looking strictly at GPA (rather than actual knowledge), a school gets a much more realistic view of a student's progress over time if they look beyond just the last two years.

On one hand, kids can totally hit a wall during their teenage years and let everything they worked hard for slide, while others might finally find their footing just as high school applications are due.

There are so many students who arrive for tutoring in 7th or 8th grade without even knowing the basics, like reading comprehension or multiplication tables, just to try and save their grade and boost their average.
I really want to believe that kids will start waking up earlier and making up for those "lost" moments before it's too late.

rowdypanther12 said:I’ve been lurking here for a bit just thinking... where do kids with a 4.0 GPA actually end up applying?
Like, I don't mean someone with a 3.6, but more like a 4.2 or something?

Do people like that even exist? 😕🤣
That’s just a few grade points difference, which puts you right at a 4.5. 😬

They usually head toward various vocational or trade schools,
maybe a good local high school,
or even private academies...

Christian Lee13 said:If you aren't exactly thrilled about the new proposed criteria for high school admissions, now is actually your chance to speak up. You just need to fill out the form, attach it to an email, and send it over to the address listed by December 4th.Send it to this address:

Here’s why I think these new requirements are a total mess:

- By factoring in grades from every single subject from 5th through 8th grade, we’re basically inviting a massive wave of GPA inflation. It’s going to put an absurd amount of unnecessary pressure on both the kids and the teachers trying to keep up with the curve.
- Think about the kid who is a literal math prodigy but happens to struggle with PE or Art. Under this system, they might get shut out of specialized programs like MIOC entirely just because their GPA took a hit in subjects that have nothing to do with their actual talent.
- There’s zero consistency here; schools don't have unified standards, and there isn't even any kind of external, standardized testing to balance things out.
- Elective courses become a trap; students will only bother taking them if they’re certain they can pull an A, otherwise, it’s just a calculated risk to tank their overall average.
- The proposal creates this weird, blatant inequality between student-athletes and kids who attended music or dance academies. Right now, winners of sports competitions get extra points that apply to enrollment in ANY high school, whereas musicians only get those perks when applying to an arts academy—and let’s be honest, those kids are already passing their entrance exams with ease because they’re specialists in their field. They wouldn't be state champions if they weren't already elite.

And honestly, there are already way too many honor students... if we really "must" have this kind of pressure regarding grades, then let it start in 5th grade. We shouldn't have a situation where Pero wakes up from a long winter nap in 7th grade and tries to cram three years of missed material into three months just because he realizes he needs those points for high school admissions.
(I want to believe that there are still some teachers out there—the ones who aren't easily swayed—who will step in during 8th grade and give a fair grade, though I doubt they'll be handing out A's all year long...)

Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but I truly believe that if a student starts focusing on building their academic profile in 5th grade, they'll actually learn how to read critically, master study habits, memorize multiplication tables, and nail all those fundamentals. Instead, they'll end up relying on intense tutoring sessions by the time they hit 7th grade.🥳

Christian Lee13 said:If you aren't exactly thrilled about the new proposed criteria for high school admissions, now is actually your chance to speak up. You just need to fill out the form, attach it to an email, and send it over to the address listed by December 4th.Send it to this address:

Here’s why I think these new requirements are a total mess:

- By factoring in grades from every single subject from 5th through 8th grade, we’re basically inviting a massive wave of GPA inflation. It’s going to put an absurd amount of unnecessary pressure on both the kids and the teachers trying to keep up with the curve.
- Think about the kid who is a literal math prodigy but happens to struggle with PE or Art. Under this system, they might get shut out of specialized programs like MIOC entirely just because their GPA took a hit in subjects that have nothing to do with their actual talent.
- There’s zero consistency here; schools don't have unified standards, and there isn't even any kind of external, standardized testing to balance things out.
- Elective courses become a trap; students will only bother taking them if they’re certain they can pull an A, otherwise, it’s just a calculated risk to tank their overall average.
- The proposal creates this weird, blatant inequality between student-athletes and kids who attended music or dance academies. Right now, winners of sports competitions get extra points that apply to enrollment in ANY high school, whereas musicians only get those perks when applying to an arts academy—and let’s be honest, those kids are already passing their entrance exams with ease because they’re specialists in their field. They wouldn't be state champions if they weren't already elite.

It wouldn't work even under the current system.🤷
From what I've seen over the last few years, places like MIOC were mostly filled by kids who participated in competitions or kids from "broken homes" (meaning families with higher social status who could leverage extra points).

Christian Lee13 said:If you aren't exactly thrilled about the new proposed criteria for high school admissions, now is actually your chance to speak up. You just need to fill out the form, attach it to an email, and send it over to the address listed by December 4th.Send it to this address:

Here’s why I think these new requirements are a total mess:

- By factoring in grades from every single subject from 5th through 8th grade, we’re basically inviting a massive wave of GPA inflation. It’s going to put an absurd amount of unnecessary pressure on both the kids and the teachers trying to keep up with the curve.
- Think about the kid who is a literal math prodigy but happens to struggle with PE or Art. Under this system, they might get shut out of specialized programs like MIOC entirely just because their GPA took a hit in subjects that have nothing to do with their actual talent.
- There’s zero consistency here; schools don't have unified standards, and there isn't even any kind of external, standardized testing to balance things out.
- Elective courses become a trap; students will only bother taking them if they’re certain they can pull an A, otherwise, it’s just a calculated risk to tank their overall average.
- The proposal creates this weird, blatant inequality between student-athletes and kids who attended music or dance academies. Right now, winners of sports competitions get extra points that apply to enrollment in ANY high school, whereas musicians only get those perks when applying to an arts academy—and let’s be honest, those kids are already passing their entrance exams with ease because they’re specialists in their field. They wouldn't be state champions if they weren't already elite.

This isn't just about high school admissions; it's a systemic issue within our entire K-12 education system.
It's also about parents who are perfectly happy with an A (or a D) without ever bothering to check if their child actually understands the material or not...

I’d go as far as to say that you can tell which schools a kid comes from based on the gaps in their knowledge. Some teachers leave such huge holes in certain subjects that it's hard to take the grading seriously at all.

Christian Lee13
- elective courses should only be taken if you're expecting an A; otherwise, there's really no point in letting them drag down your GPA.

That’s actually how things work right now.
The only exception is religion class, which basically gets added automatically.
And honestly, it's just plain silly to think you can even grade someone's "faith."

Christian Lee13 said:If you aren't exactly thrilled about the new proposed criteria for high school admissions, now is actually your chance to speak up. You just need to fill out the form, attach it to an email, and send it over to the address listed by December 4th.Send it to this address:

Here’s why I think these new requirements are a total mess:

- By factoring in grades from every single subject from 5th through 8th grade, we’re basically inviting a massive wave of GPA inflation. It’s going to put an absurd amount of unnecessary pressure on both the kids and the teachers trying to keep up with the curve.
- Think about the kid who is a literal math prodigy but happens to struggle with PE or Art. Under this system, they might get shut out of specialized programs like MIOC entirely just because their GPA took a hit in subjects that have nothing to do with their actual talent.
- There’s zero consistency here; schools don't have unified standards, and there isn't even any kind of external, standardized testing to balance things out.
- Elective courses become a trap; students will only bother taking them if they’re certain they can pull an A, otherwise, it’s just a calculated risk to tank their overall average.
- The proposal creates this weird, blatant inequality between student-athletes and kids who attended music or dance academies. Right now, winners of sports competitions get extra points that apply to enrollment in ANY high school, whereas musicians only get those perks when applying to an arts academy—and let’s be honest, those kids are already passing their entrance exams with ease because they’re specialists in their field. They wouldn't be state champions if they weren't already elite.

Yeah, this is a huge injustice.
At the same time, I feel like giving points for any extra school, sport, or activity is also unfair. No matter how much time and effort it takes, or how much it shows a kid is motivated and hardworking, it always comes down to having the money to afford it. It puts all the focus on the final "achievement" rather than the actual journey. I know some parents just can't afford to enroll their kids in fancy dance academies or prestigious music conservatories. Some kids are incredibly creative and independent—they teach themselves to code, build amazing things, or start their own bands—but they won't get any credit because they don't have a certificate from some big-name instructor.

I think that’s a fantastic idea!
👍

Just search online for the requirements—you can look up how they handle all four grade levels and how those extra credit points are being phased out... 👍
Did they also scrap that whole silly rule about getting bonus points for perfect conduct?

Rachel Jones8 said:Honestly, I don't see why anyone needs to give notice, especially if they drop a meeting date on you last minute. People show up if they can, and if not—they don't. The meeting happens regardless. It’s not like a dentist appointment or surgery where everything falls apart if one person misses it. You never see every single parent at any PTA meeting anyway. It's not like you get an unexcused absence or anything for skipping.
Who would you even call? The school secretary? It's not like teachers are handing out their personal cell numbers to every parent.

What does "holding someone accountable" actually mean here? Like, what did she specifically write?

Back when I was in elementary school, whenever my parents got a note saying there was a parent-teacher conference on Thursday at 5:30 PM, they’d just sign it and write "Thanks, see you there" or "Sorry, we can't make it."
If they couldn't attend, they would call the school (this was back in the late 80s or early 90s), ask for the teacher's lounge, find the homeroom teacher, and ask when they could come by for an update instead.
Neither they nor the teachers had cell phones back then.
And just imagine, they managed to communicate 🥳

Now that everyone has smartphones, emails, digital planners, and all sorts of tech, you'd think people would feel more obligated to say they can't make it. 🤔
Actually, since the notice was given so last minute, it's important to tell the teacher that it isn't ideal—to let her know clearly, "We can't make it because this was organized on such short notice." 🤷

I remember when my daughter's preschool teacher told us there was a meeting on Thursday at 4:30 PM, and I immediately asked whether she or I should go.
The first time they scheduled it for 4:00 PM, I actually asked if we could move it a bit later... a few other parents felt the same way, so they ended up moving it to the next day at 5:00 PM. We could have all just stayed quiet, not shown up, or acted like rebels and showed up thirty minutes late, but we didn't. 🤔

To me, this is just basic courtesy. It's important to me when it comes to building a good relationship with the people I trust with my child's care.

Christian Richardson36 said:The crux of the matter is that I have another child attending this same school—and that teacher gave us a full week's notice regarding the parent-teacher conference. It was the exact same story for my high schooler. But for my youngest? Well, I had already committed to obligations for that Tuesday afternoon long before this popped up, so it’s incredibly frustrating when someone who should have started planning two weeks ago—but justifiably failed to do so—suddenly decides to hold me accountable instead.

What does "advance notice" actually mean in a practical sense? I didn't even find out until Monday night around 8:00 PM because that's when I finally walked through my front door, so if we're being strictly accurate, we're looking at less than 24 hours of lead time. That’s why I’m asking—I’ve been scouring the internet trying to find this school's official handbook or bylaws, which I assume should be public record—other schools in our district make them easily accessible... As for her little "triangular" logic—honestly, I could have had a surgery scheduled for that day, couldn't I? My kids are new to this school, so I haven't established a rapport with her yet. And she certainly doesn't know me—she has no idea what my schedule looks like, or what my kids have going on.

That’s why I’m looking for the legal perspective here. One shouldn't just assume that I'm unavailable for a meeting without considering all the underlying circumstances, right?

Setting the legal stuff aside, you two really need to find a way to work together if your child is going to be in her class. I'm not sure if digging through the school handbook is going to help your communication or your future relationship (and that "triangle" thing 😍)
especially when it involves questioning why she didn't start two weeks earlier or why she didn't send notice sooner (honestly, it's possible she left a message for her substitute about the meeting, and the sub just missed it for whatever reason)

If you found out at 8:00 PM on Monday, you could have called Tuesday morning and just said, "I'm so sorry, I already have a commitment, but let me know when else I can stop by so we can meet."
Just some polite communication ☕

It isn't right for her to hold you accountable like that. She could have just given you a call to see if you could make it or when you'd be free to introduce yourselves.

I'm not trying to defend her, but just like you could have had a surgery scheduled for Tuesday afternoon, she could have had a perfectly valid reason to be out for those first two weeks.
I'm guessing she might have been using some leave to help her kid adjust to daycare after maternity leave 😬

And if she had her baby on September 17th, 2011, she wouldn't have needed to start two weeks early; she would have started now, once her maternity leave ended.
Or she would have had to end her leave two weeks early 🤔

Christian Richardson36 said:I’m not entirely sure if this is the right sub for this particular grievance, but I’m looking for some perspective on the following:

From the very first day of the school year, the elementary teacher was out on maternity leave;
for those first two weeks, the kids had a substitute instructor:
then, during the third week of classes—on Monday afternoon—the permanent teacher finally returns from leave and immediately announces to the students that there will be a parent-teacher conference tomorrow afternoon (Tuesday);
of course, I can't make it—I have prior commitments already on my calendar, plus I'm juggling the schedules of my two older children who are also in school;
and then, instead of an apology for the short notice, they send me a formal letter essentially holding me accountable—they even included this little diagram depicting a triangle of "Student – Teacher" and "School – Parent."

In any standard American school district, how much lead time is a teacher actually required to give before scheduling a parent meeting? To me, it feels incredibly unreasonable to suggest that 24 hours is sufficient notice—but if anyone here is familiar with the specific district policies or general educational standards regarding this, I would truly appreciate your insight.

I honestly don't know how much notice is needed, but the sooner the better. We shouldn't all be sitting around just waiting for a random note to drop in the backpack; surely they want as many parents to attend as possible. 🤔

Also, I personally feel it's important to give a heads-up if you can't make it (especially if you already know in advance that you won't be there).
That definitely falls under the responsibility within that little triangle she drew up. 🤣

Charles Murphy6 said:Here’s hoping our youth can offer some guidance🙂
What were those initial red flags you noticed?
I have this nagging feeling that navigating puberty with boys is just easier at least based on my experience, because the neighbors upstairs have a teenage daughter and it is an absolute nightmare of constant screaming, doors slamming, and endless crying. We’ve all been there together as decent neighbors, dealing with the fallout😁

😂
Don't let it get you down too much, 🙂
It’s arguably "easier" because parents of loud boys get used to the shouting and commotion, while girls are supposedly quieter and more well-behaved
So it's no surprise when those little princesses suddenly turn into tiny witches once they hit those hormonal shifts 😱

This brochure might really catch the eye of some teachers out there—definitely worth a read. Personally, I haven't gone through all of it yet, but what I have seen so far is wonderful 👍.

It actually comes from the FamilyLab Facebook page and J. Juula
.
Interested in Education?
I’ve been lucky enough to contribute to one of the most exciting, well-documented, and truly visionary projects I’ve ever encountered: LEARNING FOR WELL BEING. Do yourself a favor and check out: www.learningforwellbeing.org to download the second edition of their glossary, "Learning for well being , a policy priority for children and Youth in the US. A process for change."
this is The Best kick-starter for changing The Old paradigm of Learning and education.

Enjoy!!
Jesper Juul

Chloe Gomez6 said:People constantly backtrack, claiming things used to be different or "better" back then. It wasn't better—it was just different.

As if kids were better raised in the past. They weren't better raised; they were just too terrified to act out because you could easily get a beating from a teacher.

And honestly, that’s where the whole sense of helplessness among teachers today comes from.
Authority used to be built on raw power, and they maintained that control using corporal punishment.
Now that they aren't allowed to use physical discipline, they feel stuck because they don't have many other ways to instill fear. 🥳

If they change their approach toward students—once they realize that true authority comes from building relationships rather than forcing dominance, and that mutual respect is key—then the school environment will improve. They'll finally feel important and impactful again through connection rather than control. 😍

brighteagle86 said:I find it hard to believe anyone could dislike *The Metamorphosis*.

It’s an absolute masterpiece! 😕 🤷

I recall that story being the standout in my high school English class—right up there with everything by Edgar Allan Poe 😁

Back then, we were encouraged to share our actual takes on books. Our teacher wanted our perspectives, though you still had to back them up with the facts.

But look—if people are suddenly demanding certain books be banned, then I’d just as easily demand they scrap half the math curriculum, if not more...
why is it that nobody ever critiques math with the same fervor they use for literature 🤷?

🤣

I guess nobody carries the same kind of trauma from math☕

But please, don't come for my math skills; I actually enjoy it... just like I love diving into Kafka or Dostoevsky😍

Peter Doyle2 said:Exactly. The issue with current required reading lists is that most of them are just incredibly dense and boring, yet they absolutely have to be finished. Otherwise, there are consequences.
Sure, saying "I didn't get past page 50 because I couldn't make sense of any of it" isn't really an option, since kids would start using that excuse for every single book pretty quickly 🤣
That’s actually why we need variety in school reading lists. It would break up the monotony of those heavy, unreadable books (especially in high school 🙄 where almost nothing makes sense because of all the archaic language and old dialects). If they threw in something like Stasio, one of the Kishons, or even some of that increasingly popular fantasy, you'd see how many students would actually enjoy reading. It would make everything easier, and reading wouldn't feel like such a chore or a total turn-off for everyone.

Most of these kids, once they grow up and land a job, will find themselves having to plow through a thousand pages of someone else's nonsense—reports, manuals, opinions, plans, agendas... would they tell their boss to pick out what they want to read back then? 🤣
Or would they call Mom and Dad to have them read it, summarize it, and write the review for them? 🤔

If someone can actually articulate *why* they found something boring after fifty pages, I don't see why they shouldn't be able to say that honestly. I don't think it would lead to much abuse.
I mean, provided they can actually argue their point.
To me, it seems much healthier than someone forcing themselves through something they hate, or even worse, having a parent read it to them and write the report.
Plus, I truly believe it’s better for them to encounter things they don't like, especially during those teenage years, rather than just being spoon-fed exactly what they want all the time.
A little frustration is necessary for growth.
A bit of rebellion is healthy in high school.
😍

Peter Doyle2 said:The keyword here is child. Honestly, back when I was 17 or 18, things like bureaucracy, politics, or even the harsh realities of the world we live in weren't even on my radar—it just wasn't something I had to worry about. If I were to face that entire process today, the experience would be completely different. Guaranteed. As it stands, though, it just left me with nothing but trauma and... 😕 Right over our heads.

Look, that’s not really about the assigned reading list. I know plenty of people who skipped their required school books entirely—just copied the summaries—but they spend all their free time devouring other novels because they actually find literature interesting. I don't get the impression that they lack eloquence or general cultural knowledge just because of that. Skipping one specific book for class is one thing—it's a completely different story if you don't read anything at all. 😉

I have no idea how this happened, but I never actually had to read *The Little Prince*—not in elementary school, not in middle school, not even once. 🤷 I just started my studies at teacher's college, so I guess I can't really give you an answer to that question yet. 🤷

I thought the transformation was amazing too 😁 I’ve mentioned this before—it was smooth and easy to grasp. The process, however? Not so much. That part was pure torture. As for that castle nonsense, we didn't even bother reading 😳

And that isn't just true for one book; you experience things so differently then versus now.
There are so many books that hit you differently depending on your age when you read them.
To me, that’s the beauty of literature😍
and it’s not just about books... it’s movies, songs, paintings... it’s art.😍

I actually love revisiting something I read years ago and watching how much I've changed and grown. It's funny looking back at something I didn't quite grasp as a teenager but totally get now, or something I thought was absolutely mind-blowing back then that now makes me go, "So what?"

Peter Doyle2 said:The keyword here is child. Honestly, back when I was 17 or 18, things like bureaucracy, politics, or even the harsh realities of the world we live in weren't even on my radar—it just wasn't something I had to worry about. If I were to face that entire process today, the experience would be completely different. Guaranteed. As it stands, though, it just left me with nothing but trauma and... 😕 Right over our heads.

Look, that’s not really about the assigned reading list. I know plenty of people who skipped their required school books entirely—just copied the summaries—but they spend all their free time devouring other novels because they actually find literature interesting. I don't get the impression that they lack eloquence or general cultural knowledge just because of that. Skipping one specific book for class is one thing—it's a completely different story if you don't read anything at all. 😉

I have no idea how this happened, but I never actually had to read *The Little Prince*—not in elementary school, not in middle school, not even once. 🤷 I just started my studies at teacher's college, so I guess I can't really give you an answer to that question yet. 🤷

I thought the transformation was amazing too 😁 I’ve mentioned this before—it was smooth and easy to grasp. The process, however? Not so much. That part was pure torture. As for that castle nonsense, we didn't even bother reading 😳

The issue with school assignments is that they're written specifically to be summarized—so kids end up just grabbing info from the internet or having their parents write them.

It really should just be an engaging conversation about what was read; nothing more, nothing less.

I have some experience with essay writing from middle school. In high school, we only did formal essays during freshman year; for everything else, we had to come to class prepared... meaning, we had to have read the book, known the basic literary movement it belonged to, the era it was written in, and its contemporaries (they often linked it to history, politics, philosophy, or other arts).
So, to actually participate in class, you had to have read it and known the basics from a lecture or two beforehand. Grades were rarely handed out randomly; you'd get an A if you really blew them away, or maybe a D if you admitted you read it but couldn't answer basic questions.
You couldn't really skip the reading unless you were incredibly well-informed, otherwise, you'd get caught on a test, a specific prompt, or just when discussing literary movements.
Honestly, my senior year and college entrance exams were such a headache because of all that.
The admissions process was the same way, too.

Even so, I definitely have a few unread or half-read books on my list (which I boldly claimed I'd finished; I was only honest with myself when I told my mom I just watched the movie and only read the part where the employer gets his junk cut off and put on a stake... and I still got an A!) and I made up for it by listening closely in class to make sure I knew everything needed for the grade.

Peter Doyle2 said:The keyword here is child. Honestly, back when I was 17 or 18, things like bureaucracy, politics, or even the harsh realities of the world we live in weren't even on my radar—it just wasn't something I had to worry about. If I were to face that entire process today, the experience would be completely different. Guaranteed. As it stands, though, it just left me with nothing but trauma and... 😕 Right over our heads.

Look, that’s not really about the assigned reading list. I know plenty of people who skipped their required school books entirely—just copied the summaries—but they spend all their free time devouring other novels because they actually find literature interesting. I don't get the impression that they lack eloquence or general cultural knowledge just because of that. Skipping one specific book for class is one thing—it's a completely different story if you don't read anything at all. 😉

I have no idea how this happened, but I never actually had to read *The Little Prince*—not in elementary school, not in middle school, not even once. 🤷 I just started my studies at teacher's college, so I guess I can't really give you an answer to that question yet. 🤷

I thought the transformation was amazing too 😁 I’ve mentioned this before—it was smooth and easy to grasp. The process, however? Not so much. That part was pure torture. As for that castle nonsense, we didn't even bother reading 😳

We actually read The Little Prince back in elementary school.
I had a really great teacher who introduced the book to us in a way that actually made sense to me.
That being said, it’s the one book I would personally never want to see on a mandatory reading list, especially if there's a grade attached to it.
If it's for any other reason besides just because adults love hitting certain metrics, then sure, fine.😍

rowdypanther12 said:I can't quite agree with that; I honestly think everyone should pick up at least one or two books from every literary era, especially the major ones.
then, if you really want to boost your grade—say, if your GPA isn't exactly where you want it—you could dive into something like *The Scarlet Letter*.
Personally, I used to get so frustrated with Goethe and his cryptic way of writing. It drove me crazy. I felt like I had to force my way through *The Sorrows of Young Werther* just to get past every other page.
So, I powered through it, hated every second of it while reading 😁 and still managed to pull an A.
It’s the same deal with *Anna Karenina*. If you have a decent professor and some books that just rub you the wrong way, you'll end up reading them anyway, just so you can spend class time arguing about why the characters were so annoying or why the book is overrated.

Actually, I've been wanting to mention this for a few days now.

I don't see any issue with books being "uninteresting." The real problem lies with bad teachers and the mindset that required reading is just a chore or a waste of time (and honestly, parents play a part in that too by encouraging that attitude instead of helping, regardless of their own "school trauma" regarding assigned books).

I think it's vital to read as much as possible, to talk about what we read, and to ensure we don't all share the exact same opinion or taste.
Or, at the very least, to stay informed about different works.

Unlike a religion class where everyone is expected to read the same thing, think the same thing, and preach the same view, an American English class should be a place where students feel free to express whether they liked or disliked what they read.

In my experience with literature (both in middle school and high school), it really was a space where I could voice my own thoughts on a book.
Whether I was in the majority or the minority, I could defend my take.

While reading might help kids fall in love with literature, it shouldn't be forced solely through assigned reading.
Definitely not just through the syllabus.

That kind of love starts early—from having books available at home, to seeing Mom, Dad, Grandma, or Grandpa picking up a book. It's about how children see adults treating books, visiting the local library, buying books for themselves or others, and talking about them with people.

No matter who puts together the reading list, they'll never satisfy everyone's taste.
But it's up to the teachers to let every student express what they truly think.

Charles Murphy6 said:I second everything said here, word for word.
It’s simple math—you aren't cut out to be an educator, so move on.
The fact that other parents aren't making a scene has absolutely nothing to do with the validity of your situation.
There is always a way to handle this—it might be messy and unpleasant, but it is necessary for the well-being of the children attending that school.
There should be no hesitation or "what if" scenarios...
Act right now.

In my experience, once one person finds the courage to step up and speak out, you usually see more parents jump in to back them up or share their own stories.