Look, I get that things are rough right now, but don't you dare let anyone—including yourself—label you as some helpless bystander. You’re way more than that, even if you haven't quite wrapped your head around it yet. Life is going to knock you down—it does that to everyone—but you only actually lose when you decide to throw in the towel. Think about Thomas Edison. The guy failed ten thousand times trying to make a lightbulb, but his sheer stubbornness paid off. He didn't see failures; he just saw ten thousand ways that didn't work until he finally nailed the one that did.
You've gotta test your own limits. Try different angles, mess around with your own headspace and emotions—whatever works for you. Pull knowledge from everywhere, then actually go out there and put it to the test.
For starters, map out a game plan for those moments when you feel yourself slipping into a bad headspace. A solid plan acts like a flashlight in a dark room. And listen, you don't have to flip a switch and fix your entire mood in one go. It’s about small, incremental steps. Find ways to pivot your focus. Crank up some music, watch a movie, grab a friend for a chat, get moving, jump in the shower, or even just take a quick nap. Basically, just distract your brain enough so it can't stay stuck on the stuff you want to escape.
Once you've done that, start steering your attention toward what you actually *want* to do. Say you want to write something. Just grab a pen or sit at your laptop and dive in. If the ideas aren't flowing, just transcribe an article from the New York Times or jot down every random thought popping into your head onto a notepad. Just get the gears turning. Eventually, the ideas will show up and the motivation follows. That’s when the mind starts working for you instead of against you.
but explain the opposite phenomenon. My level of determination to NOT do the things I DON'T want to do is exactly equal to my determination to do the things I DO want to do.
That’s because of momentum. It’s like you’re cruising down a highway at 124 miles/h and suddenly try to slam on the brakes. It doesn't work like that. Most people are just driving too slow to begin with.
The trick is learning how to steer while you still have control. Extinguish the spark before it turns into a forest fire. Figure out what your triggers are—those things that drag you into a state where you lose it—and either dodge them entirely or find a way to dampen their impact before they blow up.
So, stop for a second and ask yourself: how do these uncontrolled episodes actually end? They have to end eventually. Do you always finish what you started, or does it spiral out in other ways too?
Honestly, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from all the ups and downs in my life—and believe me, I’ve seen plenty—it’s that change is the only constant. Everything is fluid, everything can be reshaped if you put in the work. It’s just how the world works. Look, we clearly aren't seeing eye to eye on this, so I’m not going to keep badgering you with my take on it. Just know that whatever road you decide to travel down, I truly hope it leads you somewhere great 🙂
Jessica Fowler4 said:Look, maybe do a little reading on psychology and how brain chemistry actually works, so you can weigh your philosophy against some actual science. Just so you can, I don't know, balance things out. Because honestly, what you're saying doesn't really hold water.
Those two great months were actually triggered by a deep depression I was dealing with beforehand, which was set off by a massive change in my diet—cutting out all carbs and dropping my protein intake... and, well, it's hard to get enough calories from fat alone, so there was definitely some calorie restriction going on too.
By the way, calorie restriction, especially when you're already dealing with depression if you're bipolar, is known to trigger a switch into a manic or hypomanic phase. Just Google it.
If you study bipolar disorder and mania/hypomania a bit, you'll see that people can't just control when it starts or ends... there are triggers, sure... but you can't really use them on purpose, usually...
I didn't manage to trigger the hypomania the same way again. It just... stopped. Quite suddenly, even though I stayed on the exact same diet.
You have to realize that your mind is essentially just a bunch of chemical compounds, and they have to stay balanced for you to function properly. Things aren't just black and white, where the world is divided into people who are completely insane and in an asylum (who I assume you wouldn't be selling self-help nonsense to, since they're clearly unwell) and everyone else is just... for some reason... LAZY and won't change. Like they need someone like you to tell them, "Hey, change your ways." 🙄
To be honest, I feel like your response is more about a bloated ego than giving any actual advice. There isn't really any advice in there, just stating the obvious. And the subtext seems to be, "You're lazy, get moving, look at what I can do"... and that message probably feels good for you... it builds up your ego... because, you know, "look how I can do this and you can't"—it makes you feel superior... but that only works if you believe we're on equal footing, without me having some biological deficit... and that's probably why you felt the need to reply even though you don't really know the subject matter... just, I don't know, something to think about...
Look, I’m telling you—I’ve been deep in the weeds with this stuff for about 14 years now. This isn't some half-baked theory I just cooked up last Tuesday to sound smart at a bar; I didn't just pull this out of thin air. I’ve actually put in the work and verified it all through my own damn experience.
Quentin Tarantino:
Jessica Fowler4 I can't even begin to deal with this right now—honestly, I just can't. It’s like we’re all just walking around in circles, expecting things to actually make sense when they clearly don't. It reminds me of that one time I was stuck in traffic outside of Chicago—just absolute gridlock, everyone honking their horns like it would somehow move the cars in front of them—and that's exactly what this feels like. We're yelling into a void, really. And don't even get me started on what Jessica Fowler4 was saying earlier. It's just more of the same. Every time I think we've hit rock bottom with these discussions, someone comes along and digs a little deeper. It’s exhausting, truly. It’s like watching a bad movie where you know exactly how it ends, but you’re still forced to sit through the whole two-hour runtime just because you paid for the ticket. You just want to walk out, but you're stuck. Anyway, I'm rambling. My point is—if there even is a point—that we need to stop pretending this is working. It isn't. It's just noise. Look, if you actually take a second to sit down and study bipolar disorder—specifically the whole hypomania and mania cycle—you’ll realize pretty quickly that people can't just flip a switch to start or stop it. It doesn't work like that. Sure, there are triggers—everyone talks about them—but you can't exactly go out and "use" them on purpose. It’s not some dial you turn up when you feel like being productive or down when you want to sleep. It's not a choice, and it's definitely not something you can control at will.
I’m actually glad you finally realized that triggers are a real thing. Honestly, once you see them, you can’t unsee them. I know for a fact they can be managed—I’ve put in the work myself, and I’ve met plenty of other people who have figured it out too. It’s really just a skill, plain and simple. It’s like learning how to drive a car on a busy highway; at first, you're white-knuckling the steering wheel, but eventually, it becomes second nature. Anyone can pick it up if they put in the hours, so don't go thinking you're somehow uniquely incapable here. But look, you can't just jump into the deep end without prep work. You have to build up some actual awareness first. Most people—and I mean most, not all—are constantly drifting. Their minds are bouncing around between things that happened ten years ago, anxieties about what might happen next week, or just some weird daydream. It’s like a flash flood hitting a small town; it’s chaotic, uncontrolled, and it sweeps everything away because there's no structure to hold it back. You have to learn how to pull that focus back to the "right now." Once you actually anchor yourself in the present moment, you start noticing the patterns. You begin to observe your own thoughts and those sudden surges of emotion instead of just being victimized by them. That’s when you get the power to actually choose how to react, rather than just spinning out of control.
Jessica Fowler4 said:Look, maybe do a little reading on psychology and how brain chemistry actually works, so you can weigh your philosophy against some actual science. Just so you can, I don't know, balance things out. Because honestly, what you're saying doesn't really hold water.
Those two great months were actually triggered by a deep depression I was dealing with beforehand, which was set off by a massive change in my diet—cutting out all carbs and dropping my protein intake... and, well, it's hard to get enough calories from fat alone, so there was definitely some calorie restriction going on too.
By the way, calorie restriction, especially when you're already dealing with depression if you're bipolar, is known to trigger a switch into a manic or hypomanic phase. Just Google it.
If you study bipolar disorder and mania/hypomania a bit, you'll see that people can't just control when it starts or ends... there are triggers, sure... but you can't really use them on purpose, usually...
I didn't manage to trigger the hypomania the same way again. It just... stopped. Quite suddenly, even though I stayed on the exact same diet.
You have to realize that your mind is essentially just a bunch of chemical compounds, and they have to stay balanced for you to function properly. Things aren't just black and white, where the world is divided into people who are completely insane and in an asylum (who I assume you wouldn't be selling self-help nonsense to, since they're clearly unwell) and everyone else is just... for some reason... LAZY and won't change. Like they need someone like you to tell them, "Hey, change your ways." 🙄
To be honest, I feel like your response is more about a bloated ego than giving any actual advice. There isn't really any advice in there, just stating the obvious. And the subtext seems to be, "You're lazy, get moving, look at what I can do"... and that message probably feels good for you... it builds up your ego... because, you know, "look how I can do this and you can't"—it makes you feel superior... but that only works if you believe we're on equal footing, without me having some biological deficit... and that's probably why you felt the need to reply even though you don't really know the subject matter... just, I don't know, something to think about...
Balance is everything—seriously, it’s the holy grail of actually staying sane. I couldn't agree more on that one. Sure, life throws those wild, uncontrollable curveballs at you—the kind of chaos you just can't plan for—but let's be real: we still have a massive amount of say in how we steady ourselves. It’s about how we manage our own headspace and steer our lives back toward center when things start getting messy.
Quentin Tarantino:
Jessica Fowler4 I can't even begin to deal with this right now—it’s like someone just walked into my living room and started rearranging all the furniture without asking. It’s exhausting. Honestly, I feel like I'm losing my mind a little bit every time I see stuff like this popping up again. It's just... ugh. Anyway, here's what was said: They’re just too lazy to change. Honestly, they need someone to step up and give them that blunt reality check—someone to look them dead in the eye and say, "Hey, change your life," just like you did. 🙄
Honestly, looking at your response, all I’m seeing is a massive, bloated ego rather than any actual, useful advice. There isn't a single shred of substance in what you wrote—just a bunch of empty accusations. Your whole hidden agenda seems to be this condescending little nudge of, "You're just lazy, get moving, look how much better I can do it..." which, let’s face it, clearly does something for you. It feeds that ego of yours—that "look at me, I’ve got it figured out while you're stuck" vibe. You only feel superior like that if you actually convince yourself we’re on the same level—if you believe I don't have some inherent, biological disadvantage holding me back. And honestly? The fact that you even felt the need to jump in and lecture me when you don't know the first thing about this topic tells me everything I need to know. Maybe try doing a little actual thinking once in a while instead of just talking about yourself.
Look, my ego isn't the point here—really, it's not. Even the biggest idiot out there can drop a nugget of wisdom if you listen close enough. You can judge me however you want, seriously, go ahead—but just give my words a fair shake before you dismiss them.
And fine, let’s play it your way—let's just assume you're dealing with some kind of biological disadvantage or whatever. Is that really going to be the reason you throw away your chance at happiness? It sounds obvious, I know—it's almost patronizing—but that’s just how I roll. I like keeping things blunt. I used to be one of those people who went hunting for complexity in every little thing, thinking more layers meant more truth. But after years of chasing down every tiny detail, collecting endless experiences and "expert" knowledge, I eventually looped right back around to the simple stuff—only now, I actually understand why the simple answer is the right one.
Jessica Fowler4 said:I happened to stumble across this while browsing, so I figured I'd just drop it here. This is how one pretty open-minded doctor looked at the whole thing:
Whether people believe it or not, I'm not some "evil addict" out to ruin society. I generate thousands of dollars in tax revenue every single month just by working with my hands, which is more than 98% of Americans. Most of my life, I just feel terrible—except for when I'm chasing a stimulant.
My life is basically this cycle of unbearable cravings followed by equally unbearable disappointments, sandwiched between this crushing boredom and the total inability to find the motivation to fix anything. It creates this intense anxiety because you can see your life passing you by, but you feel paralyzed. You know everything you should be doing, but you just can't move. In that state of extreme boredom, any source of stimulation can grab me for hours or even days—like researching diseases, for example. Or back in the day, it was game programming... when that happens, nothing else exists, not even responsibilities. If nothing captures my attention, then everything else becomes overwhelming, and the anxiety spikes, but again, I can't just force myself to solve the problems.
I started using substances practically almost from the very first time I ever tried them.
I use THC when I get home from work. Before I started doing that, I'd come home and just be totally checked out for three, four, five hours—completely unresponsive. It drove my girlfriend crazy and just added so much stress to my life. I couldn't help it; I'd either have to sleep (which I often couldn't do anyway) or just sit there being "out of it." Any unexpected chores after work would just trigger this rage and madness in me. THC fixed that. Even though most people think weed makes you unmotivated, for me, it actually helps me stay driven. I don't know how, but it works for me. Though, sometimes it does kill my ability to hyperfocus (which is how I function at work, I don't really know any other way, which is why I'm so drained by the time I get home). I never really used it at work, though. I knew how to work while high at home (programming); actually, I've noticed it's easier for me to motivate myself while high compared to the average person. So, I use THC for those tedious, mindless tasks too. They become interesting when I'm high and I'm not fighting against my own brain. Like, I'd typically use it for cleaning up or setting up a grill or something...
I also use THC to fall asleep. That was actually the main reason I started using it regularly. I've dealt with "insomnia" my entire life. But it isn't really insomnia; it's just that I focus on something I'm interested in (like coding a game) or some bad social interaction, and I just replay it in my head all night long. It's not even an obsession, really—you just start and you can't stop. It's been happening to me for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, it wasn't such a big deal if I didn't sleep through the night... but now that I have a career, it's a disaster...
Cocaine... well, I used it occasionally, just the usual way. Snorting, going out, snorting until there’s nothing left, and then suddenly it’s already noon the next day. So yeah, that was my introduction—just being out with people... later on, even though I really didn't want it to happen, I hit this point where I was just utterly unmotivated, "sleepy," lost in this fog, and nothing seemed to clear it. So I tried... taking tiny little doses of cocaine every hour while I was at work.
I guess most normal people would find it hard to function like that. Cocaine just pulls you in, makes you want more... and the amounts start creeping up... but personally, I don't really have an issue with that part... once I leave work, I don't crave it anymore... when I get home, I just light up some weed.... when I go on a road trip, I don't do drugs at all... it isn't even really a problem for me, after living like this for 5 or 10 years.... actually, I think I have more control over my cocaine use than a "normal" person who tries it for the first time. To be honest, the peak high is uncomfortable for me (it makes me nervous). For me, the best part of the cocaine—in terms of feeling "normal" (meaning what I’m looking for from a substance, not what weekend party people look for)—is kind of this five-minute window right as it starts to wear off. Like, just before it completely leaves my system, that's when I feel good. Cocaine mainly hits the serotonin, but I'm actually aiming for the dopamine/norepinephrine which is secondary... I think the negative effect I get is from the serotonin, because it's way stronger than the tiny trace of the good effect I actually feel... still, overall, it wakes me up and gives me these occasional windows where it's easier to get motivated and actually start doing something. It's just about getting started...
I have this huge pile of "strategies" that I constantly try to use to kick myself out of my standard state of mind. Anything, really.
There was one time, during my worst period of stress, cocaine actually bothered me and didn't offer any good feelings at all. Just sweating, heart racing, confusion, and this general restlessness.
Can you believe that I was still choosing that over just being my regular self? It would be a situation where I come home from work (feeling clean) but I happen to be out of weed. I would just pull a line of cocaine just to knock myself out of my "tracks." To kill my mental capacity. That mental capacity that decides what to do and pushes itself to the absolute limit. So I can end up sweaty and agitated... just so that it isn't *me*. And I honestly believe most people would trade their lives for mine (minus the mental issues).
Ten years of using stuff like this and the amounts haven't escalated. I'm not an addict in the typical sense... I just have an assortment of different things (some are drugs) that don't even have to feel good; they just need to confuse me, shift me, pull me inward, knock me off my tracks, or shake me out of my default mental state... and I use them as needed.
My default state of mind is this perception that life is unbearably boring. And the realization that there's no alternative. Apathy—depression—lack of motivation—being checked out from the moment—living in my head. But then, on the other hand, when I actually want to do something, I am capable of more than 99% of the population. But I just can't force myself to *want* it; that only happens on its own, eventually. Why would life be unbearably boring for me? Why would I suffer through this? In my life, I've designed and drawn, I've made music, I've made games... I've created all sorts of wonderful things... I'm proud of all of that... and everyone else thinks I'm smart, and capable, and talented, etc. But look at how I feel? What can anyone tell me? "Snap out of it?" I've been forcing myself to snap out of it for 10 years... I've accomplished more in my life than most people who would tell me to snap out of it... but I've also accomplished far less than what I am truly capable of....
The things I have done, I did easily... even though for 99% of people, it would be an impossible mission. That's why people admire me. But to me, it felt like picking dim. As far as achievements go, it's simple: I didn't put in the effort, so I don't consider it an achievement...
What has been hard for me in life is everything I *didn't* do, or everything I had to do but messed up. All the anxiety of all that, all the lies I used to cover myself, the outbursts of anger, the stress...... because of all that, it feels like I've walked an incredibly thorny path in life. And everything I actually managed to do feels like it just fell from the sky. Because when I actually want something (meaning *me*, not my subconscious), I just can't force it, and it is sooooo difficult... but then again, I know what I'm capable of... and if I actually manage to finish something like that—then I feel proud, but usually, such a thing isn't even worth praising...
That's weird... I guess...
First off, stop using negative phrases like "I can't." Those words drill themselves straight into your subconscious, and they bleed into your reality. Trust me on this. The hardest fight you'll ever have is against yourself. You have to identify those fears and actually stare them down. You need to get to know who you are and what you can actually do. That's the kind of effort I'm talking about. Achievements give you those little bursts of satisfaction, but the real trick is learning to enjoy the ride, because life *is* the ride.
Try to remember what led to those two incredible months you had. You did something—either consciously or instinctively—that allowed you to sustain that state for a decent stretch of time. That wasn't a fluke. A fluke would have lasted a day or two. Sit down, break that experience apart, and learn from it.
Jessica Fowler4 said:I never actually said anything about "effort." What I was really trying to get across is that during those two months, I just had this constant flow of energy and motivation. I wanted to get things done—even the extra stuff—just spontaneously, without any of that self-help nonsense. I wasn't forcing myself, or relying on discipline, or doing that whole "effort" thing you keep bringing up. Honestly, I've practiced discipline my entire life... probably a hundred times more than you have. It's just that I deal with a biological deficit when it comes to focus and drive—it's a dopamine thing, and I've been struggling with it my whole life.
Anyway, most of what you wrote feels a little patronizing, kind of insulting, and honestly, pretty useless. Like, "just say no to drugs, just don't be lazy"—yeah, thanks, my grandma could have told me that... so, I think I'll just leave it at that.
Man, I’m sorry you took my words that way. Look, my intention is just to help you out, but I tend to be blunt—I always tell it like it is. Sometimes that comes off as harsh, I get it.
Why are you looking for some complicated, deep answer? Life is actually pretty straightforward, even if it isn't easy to navigate. Real change only happens once you figure out exactly how you want to live and then actually start putting in the work every single day.
Jessica Fowler4 said:I never actually said anything about "effort." What I was really trying to get across is that during those two months, I just had this constant flow of energy and motivation. I wanted to get things done—even the extra stuff—just spontaneously, without any of that self-help nonsense. I wasn't forcing myself, or relying on discipline, or doing that whole "effort" thing you keep bringing up. Honestly, I've practiced discipline my entire life... probably a hundred times more than you have. It's just that I deal with a biological deficit when it comes to focus and drive—it's a dopamine thing, and I've been struggling with it my whole life.
Anyway, most of what you wrote feels a little patronizing, kind of insulting, and honestly, pretty useless. Like, "just say no to drugs, just don't be lazy"—yeah, thanks, my grandma could have told me that... so, I think I'll just leave it at that.
You call self-help "crap," yet you don't actually know how to consciously manage your own energy, motivation, or willpower. Knowledge gives you that self-control, but you're slamming the door on it. It’s like wanting to drive a car but refusing to go to driving school. You can sit there waiting for these magical "spontaneous" moments and blaming your biology, spending most of your life feeling unsatisfied. Or, you can actually start learning and take responsibility for your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions. It’s not easy, man—especially at first—but it pays off. I'm not saying you haven't tried before. But look, effort is wasted if you don't have the right knowledge, and knowledge is useless if you don't put in the effort.
Awareness and knowledge give you the ability to choose your thoughts, and those thoughts are what dictate your emotions. They do this by influencing the hypothalamus. Your body can produce whatever sensation you want, and you can control all of that with your mind. You don't need drugs to make that happen.
Jessica Fowler4 said:I mean, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately... and I’m pretty much convinced that I've just had some kind of glitch in my dopamine system since the day I was born. It's like, maybe my brain just isn't wired the same way as everyone else's? I don't know. It feels like there's just this fundamental imbalance right from the jump. I guess it's hard to say for sure without, you know, actual medical testing or whatever, but it really feels like a lifelong thing for me. Just an ongoing struggle with how everything hits my brain. Maybe it's just me, though. Who knows?
I guess I still remember this one moment from when I was maybe four years old. I was hanging out at my grandma’s friend's house, and she had a granddaughter right around my age. For some reason, I just had the absolute best time playing with her there. Like, it was so much fun that I... well, I didn't want to stop. I actually ended up wetting myself because I just didn't want to leave the game to go to the bathroom. I knew it was bad, I really did, but I just couldn't help it. My grandma gave me such a scolding, too. But then, the next day, I did the exact same thing again. And the third day? Same thing. I think the grandma's friend actually thought there was something seriously wrong with my head or something... I don't know. I couldn't even figure out how to explain it to my grandma back then. I knew deep down it was wrong before it even happened, but it was like I just couldn't stop myself. I can still feel exactly how that felt, honestly. It's a weird thing to hold onto.
I think I can explain it differently today... maybe even better, if that makes sense. It’s hard to put into words, really. I felt like... I don't know, like it’s 5:00 AM and you’re staring down that last line of cocaine, knowing full well you should have quit hours ago because you have to be at the office by 8:00, but you just... you can't help yourself. You're stuck. That was exactly how I felt—back when I was only four years old.
Looking back at my childhood, I was always such a quiet kid, you know? Really introverted. I didn't feel this constant need to be the center of attention or anything like that—I was perfectly fine just doing my own thing, playing by myself. I was a pretty peaceful child, I guess. Well, mostly. Except for those moments when I’d see a specific toy or something I really wanted... then all hell would break loose. I’d just start crying, and sometimes it would go on for days. I’d sit there having these intense little fantasies about getting revenge on my parents for being so mean about it, or whatever. It sounds silly now, but back then, it felt huge. And looking back further, I actually had a lot of trouble sleeping. I didn't even realize it was a problem at the time, though. I just spent so many nights lying awake, just... lost in thought, wondering about everything and nothing at all.
I started getting into coding later on in life. I’d have these stretches—maybe a month or two—where I was just totally obsessed. Intense programming, barely sleeping, basically guessing my way through my basic responsibilities and stuff... I guess you could call it mania, but it wasn't really that. It was more like this intense hyperfocus. At the same time, I was perfectly fine just sitting quietly all day in class, maybe not even feeling motivated enough to strike up a conversation with anyone else. But yeah, I struggled to actually finish projects... I also dealt with these periods of total, complete demotivation. Looking back, I just felt ashamed, like I was being lazy. I’d just lie there staring at the TV for days, or even weeks. My head would feel so heavy, and I just didn't have the energy to move. Most of the time, during those lows, I’d try to find ways to skip school entirely.
I mean, I’ve always been pretty sharp, you know? School was never really a struggle for me when it came to grades. I could actually focus on what needed to be done, even if I didn't always feel like it. I breezed through middle school and high school with basically zero effort, and I was always entering all those academic competitions and stuff. But even back then, this one massive problem started creeping up on me—procrastination. Just... leaving everything until the absolute last second. It’s hard to explain. Maybe it's just a lack of willpower? Or maybe I just find something else more interesting to do... or maybe it's just this constant, underlying anxiety... I don't know. Anyway, things are a bit messy right now. Like, I haven't paid my utility bills in three months, even though I actually have the money sitting there. I just wait until they’re about to shut everything off. And the interest rates... man, the interest is killing me. It's the same deal with my business. All my reports are late, which means I can't get payroll sorted out on time. So then two months of salaries pile up at once, and my accountant is constantly breathing down my neck and losing it... It’s just... yeah. Everything is just so hard.
I mean, looking back on everything... I guess I’ve just been hooked on pretty much everything that officially falls under the "addiction" umbrella. It’s been a lot. Like, honestly? It was everything—porn, masturbation, endless hours of gaming, those late-night chats, hanging out on forums... then there was the weed, smoking, speed, cocaine, all of it. Just a constant cycle, I suppose.
So, I’ve been thinking... and I think I finally realized what my other "addictions" actually are. It's kind of weird, I guess. Like, I get caught up daydreaming about stuff that actually interests me, or just really deep-diving into things I want to achieve—just constant mental looping. And when I can't get a decent night's sleep, or if life gets messy, or whatever, I end up using this forum as a sort of crutch. Just browsing, talking about anything and everything... it becomes a way to cope, maybe? And honestly, I think I can become addicted to a person, too... (but that's a whole other story...)
My life just feels like this constant cycle of intense—sometimes totally unrealistic—desires, followed by these massive disappointments... though I guess there are successes too, occasionally. But honestly? There’s usually nothing much in between. It’s just this heavy, deep lack of motivation, like I'm just dragging myself through the days. Everything feels so difficult, and I just... I can't seem to find any joy in anything anymore.
I don't really remember things well. Honestly, I have this feeling that it’s not even about having trouble with "focus"... it’s more like my memory just isn't there. Like, if I'm working toward some massive goal—a huge payoff—I find myself just trying to "fast-forward" through everything else to get to that moment. I can't really enjoy life until I actually hit that big milestone; all those little smaller wins? They just feel irrelevant to me. And they don't even stick in my head. Even when people around me are talking, my mind is already drifting toward the end goal. It doesn't have to be anything heavy, like drugs or anything... maybe it's just a game project I'm coding, or even just an idea about getting my health back on track. But yeah, that's how it goes. I barely remember the people I meet, let alone their names. Events don't really stick, either. Most of the time, I guess I'm just not even truly present... which makes it impossible to remember anything. I frequently just zone out mid-conversation because I'm stuck in my own head thinking about something else. Then, suddenly, someone starts asking me questions and I realize I've completely checked out.
So, for the last few years, I’ve been dealing with this intense stress at work, and then there was the whole stress of letting down someone you really care about—which, in my case, is basically an automatic source of a massive dopamine hit... It hasn't been easy, honestly, trying to manage my mental state while everything was spiraling, especially with the job pressure on top of it all. Just a million symptoms of depression and stuff like that... anyway, while I was trying to fix things, I noticed how much food affects me, so I switched to a high-fat diet, cut out carbs completely, and slashed my protein intake significantly. And within just a day or two, my first hypomania kicked in.
It was probably the best I've ever felt in my life. Motivated, wanting to tackle every problem, wanting to hang out with people, talk, listen to what everyone had to say. I had a mountain of ideas, didn't have any trouble sleeping (not more than usual, really) but I’d wake up feeling totally rested. My memory was sharp; I could hold complex concepts in my head so easily—they weren't even something I had to "hold," they were just... there. For those month or two, I crushed everything at work and got so much done. Everything was great, and then, one day, out of nowhere, right after eating some spinach and having smoked some weed, I just collapsed on the couch. I laid there for two days with a body temp of 96 degrees (I actually went to see a doctor about my kidneys afterward because my temperature was so low), and then I just slowly recovered day by day... it was obviously a total crash into depression...
Still, maybe that was the most important thing that ever happened to me, because for the first time, I realized I don't *have* to feel this way and that this isn't "normal."
And yeah, that's pretty much it...
But looking at the stories here, it seems like what haunts me most in life is basically the exact same thing that plagues the ADHD population—specifically the ones who aren't hyperactive.
Then again, considering I managed to trigger a hypomanic episode despite some pretty heavy circumstances, it might turn out I'm actually bipolar.
Most likely, it’s all basically the same thing—a deficiency in the dopaminergic system. The genetic candidates for both disorders are practically identical and they all revolve around the dopaminergic system (coding for receptors, transporters, or enzymes). Both conditions are extremely prone to "self-medicating" with drugs—for obvious reasons.
Right now, I'm seeing a psychiatrist who isn't a huge fan of pharmacology; she tries to solve my issues through therapy instead.
I'm convinced my problems are hardwired and permanent, that I was born an addict, and that the only real therapy is a lifelong dependency on meds that force dopamine (though I'd want to try Wellbutrin/bupropion first). Psychotherapy can be an add-on, but it shouldn't be the first line of defense...
What do you guys think? How do I explain this to my doctor, and do you think I'm actually onto something?
Sorry for the long post, and thanks.
I've gotta disagree with you there. It sounds to me like you're just hunting for excuses to stay stuck instead of actually putting in the work. There's an old saying that every excuse is equally useless because they all lead to the exact same dead end.
You mentioned having two successful months, right? To me, that’s proof enough that you can live a decent life—as long as you actually try. You don't have to cave to every single impulse, fleeting thought, or mood swing that hits you. Just learn to say "No" and keep moving forward with the good stuff. Plus, you really need to tackle those addictions head-on. Science suggests it takes about 22 days to start breaking down those old patterns and building up new ones. If you just commit to repeating those new thoughts or actions every single day and ignore the old junk, you'll get there. Sure, after that initial stretch, it takes months of grinding, but man, is it worth it. Eventually, you'll see that 🙂
To start off, do yourself a favor and Google "self-discipline." It’s clearly the missing piece for you, and working on your emotional intelligence wouldn't hurt either. Nobody is born knowing how to handle their emotions like a pro; it's a skill you have to learn. Scour every resource you can find—knowledge is power. Also, dive into some books about the mechanics of a happy, successful life—stuff on positive psychology and spirituality.
Check out the movie The Karate Kid—there's a lot of wisdom in there you could actually use. There's a part that talks about hitting your goals. Goals are great guides for life, but life itself is the journey, and you've got to enjoy the ride. Reaching a goal only gives you that hit of satisfaction for a tiny moment. Try to find small and large reasons to be happy and grateful, and just try to soak in every bit of life as it happens. 🙂
Look, at the end of the day, actually living a life you love—finding some kind of genuine happiness—is worth way more than any inheritance or pile of cash sitting in a Chase savings account. I’d honestly walk away from it all and give everything I’ve got just to make sure I actually succeed at being happy. The biggest mistake anyone can make? Playing it safe and never taking a single damn risk. You have to go for it. And besides, if you build real connections—you know, find your people, your true friends, a solid partner—then you’ve got a support system ready to step up when things inevitably hit the fan.
vividsailor13 said:Lately, it feels like every little thing is just hitting me way too hard, and I’m honestly so stressed out that I don't even know what to do with myself anymore... I feel this constant wave of anxiety washing over me all the time, and I’ve just spiraled into this depressive funk where I’m constantly tearing up, and every single task turns into some massive obstacle, which just leads to this absolute mess and total chaos spinning inside my head, and I’m just not happy at all, you know? It's not even like my life is lacking anything specific, but everything still just feels wrong. It honestly feels like I could have handled a hundred times more heavy stuff back in the day than the weird, overwhelming weight I'm carrying right now 🤷 Everything is just so incredibly dull, I can't find any joy in anything whatsoever, and I'm totally lost as to why this is happening to me 😕 I’ve just been chain-smoking one cigarette after another, and I’ve become so lazy, I can't get myself to do a single thing, and I keep imagining all these weird scenarios in my mind... Like, what is actually going on with me?🙂IS ANYONE ELSE GOING THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS?? 😕
Look, what you're describing is a classic domino effect. One thing hits, then the next, and it all starts with that pessimistic mindset. Life is basically just a series of peaks and valleys—that's just how it works—but those moments don't define who you are. You can't always control the hand you're dealt, but you absolutely have a say in how you play it.
Try to hunt down even one small positive thing in every situation—find reasons to be grateful, revisit hobbies that actually used to make you smile, or just try something totally out of character. Crank up some upbeat music, hang out with people who actually have good energy, hit the gym, try meditation, hang out with a dog, or just get out into nature. Basically, you need to flood your life with some decent vibes 🙂
Here’s a few pointers on how to manage the mental noise and emotions:
1. Stop obsessing over what hasn't happened yet and stop beating yourself up over what already did. Don't let your mind wander off into these weird, useless fantasies where it just drifts wherever it wants. Focus on the here and now. Your mind will drift—it’s going to happen—so when it does, pull it back. It’ll drift again, so pull it back again. If you stay persistent and put in the work, you'll eventually train your brain to default to more positive patterns. It's all about keeping your awareness anchored in the present moment.
Meditation is a huge help when you're trying to build that kind of awareness.
2. Once you start getting more aware of your own thoughts and feelings, it gets way easier to redirect them, shut them down, or choose a different path entirely. Honestly, just treat it like an experiment and play around with it.
3. Learn to spot your triggers for negativity and face them head-on until they lose their power and fade away. You could try running from them, sure, but they'll just catch you off guard when you least expect it. For instance, is it a specific thought, an object, a certain person, or maybe a song that drags you into that negative spiral? Identify it, then take a step back to analyze yourself and why you're reacting that way. Grab a notebook and write down your findings. It really helps more than you'd think.
4. Build your own "emergency kit" of positive triggers. Find songs, people, hobbies, physical movements, or even certain words—anything that can snap you out of a funk and lift your mood. Practice using these tools as often as possible so you get better at deploying them when things get rough.
5. Start asking yourself the hard questions and actually look for the answers. Like, "Why did this fear pop up in the first place? Is there something deeper behind it? How can I just accept it and deal with it?" and so on. __________________
Fine, then let them go ahead and hunt down whoever is actually in charge of hiring 🙂 Showing up in person is definitely going to land you more points than just sending some random application into the void.
redcanyon93 said:Oh, I completely empathize with that struggle... It’s a real issue for me too. I have this friend who’s been married for years, and she was honest enough to admit that it took her an absolute eternity to get used to sharing a bed with someone—you know, her husband. Between the constant tug-of-war over the blankets and the fact that you never truly have a moment of peace because you aren't even alone during your downtime... it's exhausting. And don't even get me started on how I look right before hitting the hay or the second I wake up. I can barely stand the sight of myself, so I can only imagine what another person sees 🙂
Look, plenty of guys actually prefer girls in that state. 🙂 Sure, it’s great to put effort in and look polished, but there's also something to be said for just being able to chill and be 100% yourself.
Look, I’m a total loner myself. I honestly love my solo life—just me, my own space, and zero drama. If I ever decide to get serious and jump into a relationship, it’s only going to be with someone who basically operates on the same wavelength. We’re talking about someone who gets the need for massive amounts of "me time" and actually respects those hobbies and side projects that keep us sane. That sense of independence? It’s non-negotiable for me. I am absolutely not sacrificing my freedom for anyone.
It would be pretty sweet to find a partner who actually understands that and values it just as much as I do. I think we’d balance each other out perfectly—maybe even find a higher level of happiness together. But then again, I’m already living a full, happy life just the way things are now 🙂
First off, just stop sending out resumes online. Look, it’s fine, but it’s honestly pretty inefficient if you think about it. A company might be looking for one or two people, and your application is just one single sheet of paper buried under a mountain of 500 others. Instead? Dress sharp—professional, you know?—and just walk right up to the front door. When you walk in, ask for the manager or whoever is running the show and tell them you want to have a quick word. If they give you that look and ask why you’re there, just tell them you have a proposal for the business. Of course, you need to actually do your homework first—know what the company does and come prepared with some solid ideas, presenting yourself as a real asset 🙂 Make sure you make a great first impression so they actually remember your face. Then, hand that person your resume and cover letter. They might set it aside for later, sure, but they’ll definitely remember the person who actually showed up, which gives you a much better shot at landing the gig.
Now, about the family stuff—you've got to accept your mother for who she is (don't waste your energy trying to fix her), respect her, and help out where you can. But—and this is a big but—do not let her mess with your head or crush your self-esteem. If the conversation starts heading down a dark path, just turn it around and say, "Let's talk about this later."
Rebecca Scott3 said:...you really need to start brainstorming how to build your own career path... take a deep dive into different craft courses online, research what people are actually buying, and just dig into the data... you don't need a massive bank account to get moving; you can start making things and selling them online with pretty minimal startup costs... then there’s the service side of things too, like furniture assembly, interior decorating, or home staging... or maybe something more niche, like sewing high-end lingerie, custom pet apparel, or even building little houses and beds for animals... honestly, you can often take old furniture that people are just tossing out on the curb and turn it into a beautiful, high-end pet bed... you could also look into making small sculptures that serve as keepsakes for people—reminders of childhood or lost loved ones—or customized ceramics with meaningful inscriptions... even hand-lettered calligraphy cards could be a thing... the more creative you are, the easier it is to turn nothing into something special... and once you start earning your own bread, the whole dynamic changes... you realize you can set your own rules and live life exactly how you want to. ..
Solid advice here, and I'm totally on board with it 🙂 You can make money on your own terms in so many ways. You could do freelance translating, flip items on Craigslist or eBay, write content for websites and blogs, craft goods, or even offer to design and distribute flyers for local businesses, coffee shops, or other institutions. Just stay creative, dive in, and test different things out. Eventually, you'll figure out what clicks for you 🙂
I'd also highly recommend hitting the books, reading articles, or watching videos on the secrets to success and happiness. Knowledge is power, period—plus, that kind of stuff is great for keeping your motivation up and building your confidence.
feralhound17 said:I’ve noticed I sleep way better when I’m absolutely wiped out from work or hitting the gym hard—basically, once I actually hit that REM stage. If I’m just sleeping lightly and catching every little noise, I never wake up feeling rested. It’s like, I’d feel refreshed if I could just crash hard enough to dream and stop registering everything happening around me. Also, I’ve realized that sticking to a strict bedtime and waking up at the same time every single day is pretty much a life-or-death matter for me.
Facts. I am telling you, I’ve learned this the hard way through my own chaotic trial and error 🙂
Maybe my old thread "Who you want to be, what you want to own, and what you want to do" might actually give you some direction. I laid out a bunch of questions in there that should help you dig through the noise and find your own answers.
Look, whatever you do, do NOT enroll in a college program just because you feel like you have to. If you aren't genuinely obsessed with the subject, don't bother. Money shouldn't even be on your radar as a primary driver—trust me on this. I went through the grind myself, and I saw firsthand how fast people burn out and drop out when they're only there for a paycheck. It’s better to take a gap year, grab a job, stack some cash, and then head to the school you actually care about in a year or two.
Listen to your parents—they usually mean well—but at the end of the day, the call has to be yours. You don't need everyone to agree with your life choices. Period. No matter how much you try to please people, someone is always going to think you're wrong. Just own it.
If you're spending half your life glued to a laptop, try to make that screen time actually count for something. Instead of mindless scrolling, maybe start teaching yourself how to code so you can eventually freelance, or read something that actually expands your brain. Watch documentaries, meet people online and then actually grab a coffee with them in person—real life matters. But also, for heaven's sake, step away from the computer once in a while. Go outside, get a hobby, do something that doesn't involve a power outlet.
The lack of motivation is what kills you once you actually get to campus. Here’s a little trick: act like you’re already enrolled. Start studying the material now, dive into the topics, and build a daily routine. There’s a ton of cool stuff out there if you look for it. If you do this, you won't just learn the material, you'll actually build the habit of learning, which is way more important 🙂
Just be real. Honesty is almost always the best policy. If something is bothering you, talk it out with your friends. If you messed up, own it and apologize. If they're the ones acting up, confront them and see if you can work it out. Yeah, maybe a friendship will end, but at least you won't be stuck living a lie. Like I said before, go meet new people—sometimes you just outgrow your old crew and that's okay.
Just get moving. Do one small thing for yourself every single day. Good luck 🙂
I did a deep dive into sleep science a few years back—really went down the rabbit hole. I wanted to jump in here and build on what’s already been said, so hopefully, some of this hits home for you:
1. Getting some exercise in before bed actually does wonders. My personal recipe? Mix in a workout that really wears your body out, follow it up with a warm shower—because let's be real, water is the ultimate reset after a brutal day—and then just drift off with some meditation. Don't let your brain start spiraling about every little mistake or problem you've got going on right when you hit the pillow. You've gotta learn how to quiet the noise and just ease into sleep.
2. Try to stop eating at least two hours before you turn in, and for heaven's sake, stay away from the TV or your laptop for at least an hour before hitting the sheets.
3. Use some positive self-talk. Tell yourself you're going to get a great night's rest and wake up feeling totally refreshed and recharged. Affirmations actually mess with your subconscious in a good way. For instance, I used to experiment with waking up at a precise time in the middle of the night without even using an alarm. I actually used movies as my motivation for this little experiment—if there was a good movie scheduled on TV, I'd push myself to practice. After a bit of training, I could somehow manage to wake up five minutes before whatever movie was starting, regardless of the actual airtime.
There is a massive amount of useful material out there covering spirituality and psychology. I’ve personally burned through a ton of books focused on the secrets to happiness and hitting those big life goals, and honestly, it changed everything for me—but only once I actually started putting the theories into practice. 🙂
If you’re still wandering around without a clue what you actually want out of life, you should probably start with something like "The Success DNA." It’s a solid jumping-off point. Beyond that, dive into stuff about mindset, self-motivation, staying disciplined, being organized, learning how to let go, and all that good stuff.
And look, it isn't just books; there are endless helpful articles online and plenty of decent YouTube videos out there too. There’s really something for everyone if you know where to look. 🙂 Personally, I think movies can be pretty impactful as well—take something like "Peaceful Warrior," for example.
Now, if you’re looking for deep answers to those heavy-hitting life questions, just pick up the "Conversations with God" series by Walsh. Look, I don't know—and frankly, it doesn't even matter—whether he actually had a conversation with God or what. The point is, the books are packed with wisdom that can help just about anyone.
First off, try to figure out who you want to be, what you want to own, and what you actually want to do with your life. Go back and read my main thread—it’s got a bunch of questions I laid out there—and try to answer them. They’re designed to help you dig up those answers you're looking for.
And look, just stop obsessing over yesterday or stressing about tomorrow. Seriously. Don't beat yourself up over the past and don't lose sleep over the future. Just focus on right now, because the present moment is what actually defines everything else. Even if you feel like total garbage and have zero motivation, just get out of bed and start chipping away at your goals and dreams. If you do even one small thing every single day to move the needle, you'll notice pretty quickly that you're making progress—and honestly, your luck and your drive will start picking up too 🙂
If your brain starts spiraling with all that useless noise, you can tackle it with meditation—it helps you find some actual inner silence and peace 🙂. It also helps with building up that awareness and self-control over your thoughts and emotions, which is huge.
Work on your discipline. It sounds cliché, but go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, hit the gym, stick to a schedule, and give yourself a little reward when you actually knock things out. Sometimes that first step feels like climbing Everest, but I promise it pays off—eventually, it gets easier and you'll just feel better overall. It's a massive boost for self-motivation, too. Honestly, just Google "discipline" and "self-motivation"—there's a ton of solid advice out there.
Start hunting for reasons to be grateful and happy, whether they're big or tiny. A sunrise, a killer meal, hanging out with your favorite people, learning something new... stuff like that. People think success leads to happiness, but they've got it backward—happiness is the foundation that builds success.
You can't always control the hand you're dealt in life, but you can absolutely choose how you react to it. Start by just accepting whatever happens, then aim to react as intelligently as you possibly can.
Look, my first piece of advice? Try to stay off the pills as much as possible. Most of those things just numb you out—they act like a temporary Band-Aid that makes you feel "fine" for a second, but they aren't a cure. They just mask the symptoms, and at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to roll up your sleeves and tackle the actual root cause.
At some point, you have to face the music: can you accept what happened, or not? It's in the rearview mirror now, and no amount of staring at it is going to change the past. So, you're left with a choice:
1. Sit around moping about what used to be and let the present slip right through your fingers 2. Snap out of it, get present, and actually start building a future worth having
Life is basically just one long series of ups and downs—it's a roller coaster, and that's just how it works. What really matters isn't the drop; it's how you handle the ride. An optimist looks at a mess and sees an opening, while a pessimist looks at a golden opportunity and somehow finds a way to complain about it. That mindset dictates everything—how you react and where you end up. If you make the conscious decision to lean toward optimism, things actually start shifting. Think about it—most legendary American entrepreneurs, the ones you see on the cover of Forbes, usually go belly-up at least three times before they finally hit it big. But they don't just quit; they rebuild from nothing better than anyone else because they know they have the agency to make it happen. You just have to be brave enough to take the risk and move forward.
Start dedicating some time every single day to learning the mechanics of success and happiness—read the books, dive into the articles, listen to people who've been there. And for heaven's sake, when you learn something useful, actually use it. That's what worked for me, and I truly believe it'll work for you too.🙂
Look, life is just one long series of highs and lows—it’s practically built that way. There’s always going to be something that kicks you while you're down and something else that pulls you back up. When you're in one of those dark moods, my advice? Don't overthink it. Seriously, don't sit there spiraling. Just crash on the couch and sleep it off, or go hit the gym, or blast some upbeat music—whatever works. You just need to find a way to stay busy enough to drown out all those nagging thoughts and emotions before they take over.
Let the past stay in the rearview mirror where it belongs. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday. Focus on right now and what's coming next instead.
Look, nobody just wakes up one day fully formed and knowing everything there is to know about the world. You’ve messed up before—probably even right now—and let’s be real, you’re going to screw up again down the road. You can either stare at those mistakes like they're some insurmountable wall, or you can treat them like a damn masterclass. Use them to learn, grow, and eventually become a sharper, tougher, more capable version of yourself.