crimsonpuma23 said:Has this topic already been picked clean?
They tell you: believe in yourself and your own potential, and that’s how you build a winner's mindset. Just decide what you want, go get it, and if you just keep grinding, you’ll come out on top.
When I first stepped into the competitive sports scene about ten years ago, I was carrying a total loser mentality. I didn't see myself as someone who could actually make it as an athlete, and honestly, that baggage just bled into every other part of my life.
I was convinced I wasn't the best and wouldn't ever become it. I looked at all these guys my age—more social, better looking, more athletic, more driven, more gutsy—and felt like I was just some random guy who wandered into the wrong room.
Why didn't I just dig in?
Why did I dodge every opportunity, like skipping out on those summer training camps or avoiding tournaments because I could already feel the sting of losing before I even showed up?
And even when I actually pulled off a win, I didn't feel that rush or that sense of pride you're supposed to feel.
Why?
Even though people were constantly telling me I was a standout or one of the "serious" guys in the club, inside I was terrified and basically had zero self-esteem.
I hated socializing, and I sure as hell didn't want to succeed just because someone else gave me a little "push."
Back in high school, I didn't want to be the star. I didn't want the spotlight. It just didn't feel like my lane. crimsonpuma23, you can answer for grade 5—actually, don't bother, just stick to grade 4.
I never felt like I was special at anything. Whether it was drawing, singing, math, or gym class, nothing clicked. I wasn't even happy with my own handwriting.
Was I basically hardcoding a loser mentality into my brain? And if so, how do I flip the switch now? I'm 23, and what have I actually accomplished? All I've gotten good at is running away from things.
So even after binge-watching endless motivational videos and listening to all that generic advice, I still feel this massive resistance toward winning.
What's your take? Is this something that can be viewed in black and white, or is a person's mindset a much more complicated spectrum than that?
So, if you were actually talented enough to have had those opportunities—to have potentially leveled up even further or come out on top in some arena—why just walk away from it all? Why stop wanting it? I mean, setting aside that relentless self-criticism of yours, you clearly pulled off some real results. People noticed. They gave you credit. Honestly, at that age, having people actually recognize your wins is usually just the perfect fuel for a little ego trip. It’s hard to resist.😁
I don’t know, there isn't exactly some grand philosophy at play here. Just work on yourself. Have a little more guts. If you find yourself stuck in a situation that feels subpar, don't just shrug your shoulders and accept it like it's some inevitable fate. Instead, put in the effort to actually improve things until they reach a level that meets your standards. Or, if you're one of those people who is perpetually impossible to please—which, let's face it, most of us are—then at least work until someone else tells you that what you've done is actually good.
Honestly, back in my college days, I’d occasionally walk away with a C or even a D just because of some stupid, brain-fart mistake. A little oversight here, a silly slip-up there during a midterm... it happens. It's like missing a stop sign because you were looking at a cool bird; the knowledge was there, but the execution? Not so much.
I’d honestly rather skip the grading altogether and just tell them I’ll be back in the fall to collect my A. And honestly? That’s exactly how I’ve played it every single time. It’s like a little ritual. Or take those oral exams—you know the ones, where you're hovering right on that line between a B and an A. The professor looks at you and goes, "Look, you can settle for a B, or I can throw one more curveball question at you; if you nail it, the A is yours." I just looked them dead in the eye and said, "Let's hear it."🙂
When it comes to sports, I’ve always been more of a solo player. I don't really need a crowd or a teammate to get moving. But whenever I hop on my bike and hit one of those standard routes—you know, the usual loops around town—I find myself obsessing over the clock. It’s basically just me racing against my own shadow, trying to shave a few seconds off my previous best. A little personal competition to keep things interesting, I suppose.
Maybe you should look into making some incremental improvements. Just a little tweak here, a small adjustment there... bit by bit, you start demanding more from yourself, working harder, pushing the pace just a little faster. It’s like tuning an engine; you don't just swap the whole block overnight, you fine-tune the timing until everything finally clicks.
Look, the bottom line here is that you have to make yourself the priority in that equation. You can't be bogged down by what everyone else thinks or how they might react if you happen to outshine them in a competition—even if those people are your closest friends. It’s easy to get caught up in that social friction, like trying to navigate a crowded sidewalk in NYC without bumping into anyone, but at some point, you just have to look out for your own interests. If you start playing small just to keep the peace, you're essentially sabotaging your own progress. Focus on your own lane.
Think of it this way: you can actually turn being an introvert into a bit of a tactical advantage. If you just step up and take the lead once...
Anyway, don't sweat it too much. You're only 23 🙂