Posts by casualbear99

I get this sharp, stabbing pain in my left chest and just under my ribs whenever I eat anything containing sulfur dioxide (E220)—it’s one of those additives they throw into everything from jams to preserves.

Sulphur dioxide reacts with a wide range of substances found in food, including various essential vitamins, minerals, enzymes and essential fatty acids. Adverse reactions: bronchial problems particularly in those prone to asthma, hypotension (low blood pressure), flushing tingling sensations or anaphylactic shock. International Labour Organization says to avoid E220 if you suffer from conjunctivitis, bronchitis, emphysema, bronchial asthma, or cardiovascular disease.

Have you actually been tested for yeast infections? Candida is often just a byproduct of untreated diabetes—that might explain some of those other symptoms you've been dealing with.

How much are you getting out and moving around? Your health can take a massive dive if you're stuck sitting or lying down all day, especially when you factor in depression.

It’s been ages since I actually sat down to watch that movie. All I can really conjure up from the memory is a black horse and those spikes served with absinthe. Clearly, it didn't leave much of an impression on me.

I suspect that antinatalism is inherently self-destructive—which is why I’d argue it can only ever be an instrument of some larger, darker cosmic force, rather than its actual origin. Even Darth Vader, in his own twisted way, ended up preserving his son's existence. 🤣

Daniel Alvarez7 said:People don't want to hear about depression. Either they don't get it and think it's somehow contagious, or they're struggling themselves and refuse to listen because they haven't faced their own reality yet—or they're already so deep in the trenches that listening to someone else is just too exhausting.
When it reaches a chronic stage, reaching any kind of breakthrough is monumentally harder. That's because these individuals have spent far too much of their lives locked in a fight against depression, and that's a 24/7 war.
You lose your energy, your strength, and your will. And then every little thing—from the smallest annoyance (like getting the wrong item at Target or forgetting where you put your keys) to the massive life crises—becomes an endless drain. For a depressed person, it's like trying to squeeze atoms of strength out of a vacuum, when they barely have enough left for themselves, let alone for a spouse or children. That's why these people need so much rest, yet they wake up feeling even more exhausted; it's a relentless struggle from dawn until dusk. Then, to top it all off, you're hit with that crushing guilt because you know you aren't being the perfect parent, neighbor, or partner.
Depression is essentially designed to suck the life right out of you.
From what I can see of my brother, he stays constantly busy. Working the farm, helping neighbors, tinkering in the garage.
Maybe work serves as a mental reprieve. A form of therapy. Once you push past that initial fatigue and physically exhaust yourself, you might finally experience actual, peaceful sleep for the first time in ages...
But at the end of the day, everyone knows what works best for them...

It’s the truth. People—and society at large—just don't have an appetite for anything depressing. You can see it clearly in Hollywood; those massive blockbusters that dominate the box office almost always lean into that predictable, feel-good happy ending because that's what the masses crave.

It’s usually because people like that have spent far too much of their lives locked in a constant struggle with depression—and let’s be honest, that’s a battle fought 24/7 without a single moment of respite.
Then you lose it—that vital spark, the stamina, the sheer will to keep going. And when that happens, everything else starts to pile up. It’s not just the big stuff, either; it’s the trivial, everyday annoyances—like grabbing the wrong brand of milk at Target or realizing you’ve misplaced your keys again. For someone struggling with depression, those minor hiccups aren't just inconveniences; they are massive, soul-crushing drains on an already empty reservoir. You’re essentially trying to squeeze blood from a stone, attempting to find strength you simply don't have left, let alone enough to show up for a spouse or your kids. That’s why people in this state need endless rest, yet even then, they wake up feeling more exhausted than when they went to bed—because life becomes this relentless, grinding battle from sunrise to sunset. To top it all off, there’s that suffocating layer of guilt. You’re painfully aware that you aren't exactly being the "ideal" parent, neighbor, or partner... and that realization only makes the weight heavier.
Depression isn't just some clinical malfunction—it feels more like a calculated mechanism designed to drain your very life force. It’s an exhausting, parasitic state that siphons off your vitality until there’s nothing left but a hollow shell.

There isn't just one single way to experience depression—it’s far more nuanced than that. What you're describing sounds like what most people recognize as affective depression—that heavy, cloud-like state where everything feels gray and you're constantly battling a crushing sense of fatigue. But then there’s another side to it: a purely cognitive trap, where the mind spirals into negative thought patterns even without a complete emotional breakdown. In the end, though, the destination is always the same. Whether it starts with a mood or a mindset, it all funnels into the same dark territory—dissatisfaction, total inertia, and, ultimately, suicidal ideation.

It seems like my brother can’t ever truly clock out—it’s constant. Whether he’s out working the vineyard, helping out the neighbors with their projects, or hunkered down in the garage, he's always at it. He just doesn't know how to sit still.
Perhaps there’s an argument to be made that a job can actually serve as a mental reprieve—a form of therapy, if you will. Once you finally push past that initial, soul-crushing fatigue and allow yourself to become physically exhausted, you might just experience it—that first moment of true, peaceful sleep in what feels like forever.
At the end of the day, everyone knows exactly what’s best for themselves—even if the rest of us can see they're making a mistake.

I honestly think that might have been the very thing that saved him. Once you start actively avoiding the things you actually love—the passions that give you a reason to get out of bed—you lose that fundamental spark. Without that internal drive, everything else just feels like an uphill battle, and suddenly, even the most basic daily struggles start feeling completely insurmountable.

Daniel Alvarez7 said:Oh, and I completely forgot to follow up on that whole "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" cliché...
Maybe it won't kill you—but let’s be honest, sometimes it just drains you so thoroughly that you're left with absolutely nothing for what comes next. And whether it actually grants you any wisdom? Whether it truly makes you "stronger"... I'm not so sure about that myself.🤔

I'm with you there. I only brought up that lyric to provide some much-needed context for the point I was making. 😁

Daniel Alvarez7 said:Well, I don't know how much one can truly be "cured" of it. But as Lawrence Bailey77 puts it—it helps you grasp the situation, to finally understand the "why" behind it all.
He isn't the same person anymore. His outlook is far from carefree, and his laughter... it certainly isn't from the heart.
But he's still there.🙂
There is humor, yes. There are also those heavy, somber conversations. But he engages with them. He doesn't bottle it up. He doesn't stay silent.
That alone is massive progress.
I am certain he still faces crises.
But clearly, they aren't the unbearable, soul-crushing waves they were at the beginning.
To offer some comfort to others out there: almost everyone has these thoughts at some point. Maybe not with life-or-death intensity, but the questions surface. It’s just that for someone trapped in deep depression, those thoughts feel literal—they hit with a terrifying weight that overwhelms them. When you're already struggling under that kind of heaviness, these intrusive thoughts only serve to paralyze you further.

Speaking from my own experience; I went through a severe crisis that dragged on for quite a while.
In the beginning, I was terrified—constant panic attacks. And slowly, I spiraled into depression.
But generally speaking, I have always loathed any form of robbery—including the theft of one's own peace of mind.
I believe, and I will always believe, that human beings simply weren't designed to live in misery.
So, I started befriending those attacks. I would actually laugh at them and greet them when they arrived. I’d practically roll out the red carpet. And then, I would analyze them. I’d dissect which specific thought triggered it, what sentence or movie scene or random memory had set it off, and what it was trying to remind me of.
I kept doing that until I had dissected everything so thoroughly that I started getting annoyed with myself.
Toward the end, when the attacks would strike, they had lost their power over me. Instead of a polite greeting, I’d find myself snapping,
"Oh, give me a break, I'm busy washing the dishes right now!" Or something along those lines.
Over time, they grew weaker. And more infrequent. Until eventually, they vanished entirely.
I don't know if this will help anyone, but there it is... 🙂 there is hope.🙂

"What didn't kill me made me stronger," they say—but the innocent look in the eyes is long gone.

Quincy:

There is humor, too. And there are those dark, heavy conversations. But they happen. Don't bottle it up. Don't stay silent. It's already becoming too much.

Something like this? You might notice I wrote that just a few minutes before your reply.

I talk about my own depression as well, though I've realized people get incredibly uncomfortable when you do, so I tend to keep it to myself more often these days.🤷

Quincy:

I'm certain there are crises. But clearly, they aren't as unbearable as they were at the start. To offer some comfort to others: almost everyone has those thoughts at some point. Maybe not seriously, but the questions pop up. It's just that when you're actually in the depths of depression, those thoughts feel literal, heavy, and terrifying. They haunt you. Because you're already struggling under such weight, they only serve to push you further down. From my own experience; I went through a severe crisis that lasted quite a while. In the beginning, it was pure fear—constant panic attacks. Eventually, it settled into a deep depression. But generally speaking, I have always loathed any kind of robbery—even robbing oneself of one's own spirit. I believe, and I will always believe, that humans weren't designed to live in misery. So, I started making peace with the attacks. I would practically laugh and greet them when they arrived. I'd welcome them in. And then, I’d analyze them. I’d dissect which thought triggered it, or what sentence, or movie, or whatever else brought it on. I’d trace it back to its source. I kept doing that until I had dissected everything so thoroughly that I started getting on my own nerves. Toward the end, when the attacks did come, they actually irritated me. Instead of welcoming them, I’d just snap: "Oh, give me a break, I'm busy washing the dishes!" or something along those lines. Over time, they grew weaker. And rarer. Until they vanished entirely. I don't know if this helps anyone, but...🙂 there is hope.🙂

There is always hope, but breaking out of that routine is an uphill battle. It’s like an addiction. Long-term depression can actually alter the brain in a way similar to drug abuse. Just look at Barrett—he’s a walking combination of depression and narcotics.

In my opinion, the worst part is when you finally start emerging from that emotional numbness, only to be absolutely flooded by negative emotions and old memories. It feels to me like depression acts as a partial defense mechanism, shielding us from unpleasant thoughts. So, there's really no point in trying to "cure" it if you haven't dealt with or suppressed those underlying ugly thoughts—and those can stem from anything. I worry that your brother might just be showing symptoms because he's become numb. Is he staying active? If not, that's a bad sign.

Daniel Alvarez7 said:I don't agree with that last part. Maybe this is one of those major crises that can actually be overcome. Maybe someone would try, truly attempt to end all the suffering. But then again, suffering is an inherent part of existence—an existence that also possesses beautiful phases. There are infinite ups and downs in every conceivable variation. Life is a combination of struggle, love, and art.
Forget the "struggle" if you just throw in the towel immediately.
There is always a choice. A positive one. Just don't wait too damn long to make it.
My brother dealt with a severe case of PTSD.
After he came home from the war, during one of those heated arguments, a friend of his clumsily pushed his wife; she fell and lost her life.
Following that, a psychologist organized a group therapy session and invited them all—everyone from that neighborhood.
If I recall correctly, there were six of them in the group. My brother was the only one who decided to show up, and even that was only after several outbursts.
Today, his life is thriving compared to the others. The rest of them ended up killing themselves.

Maybe every single moment is actually infinite, much like a fractal, woven together from both absolute bliss and pure agony.

My brother struggled with a severe case of PTSD.

Are you trying to say he actually recovered? I always assumed PTSD was something you just lived with—not something you ever truly "cured."

Kate Palmer53 said:If you take your own life, you're going to be burning in hell forever!

Then we’re all going down in flames—because every single thing we do is just a slow march toward the grave. Seriously, try to find me one person alive who doesn't have some kind of self-destructive habit.

Andrew Price3 said:Try turning those thoughts into a physical act; actually start the suicide attempt you’re imagining. Then see if you truly want it. These thoughts are often just uncertainty—you aren't actually sure if you want to go through with it. Once you move from thought to action, the thought vanishes, and the deed (hopefully a failed one) will clear up the confusion.

Or, there's another way.
Assign a deeper meaning to those suicidal impulses.
Every time a thought like that surfaces, treat it as a signal that you deserve more love, not less. Only innocent, sensitive, and beautiful souls are sacred enough to prefer self-destruction over projecting their own misery, grief, bitterness, or frustration onto others. You don't lash out at the world with your pain... you hold it deep within your integrity... because your heart, Sean Murphy6, is brave enough to destroy itself just to shield this world from your demons.

Tell those thoughts: "Thank you for helping me see which part of me needs more love, not less." Love that martyr who wants to die. Love that angel.

Now, those thoughts aren't just thoughts anymore. They are a message and a calling.

Option one: it’s really just a matter of time before the half-baked becomes the absolute norm. Option two: who’s to say that negative emotions can't be channeled—or perhaps just suppressed—in other ways? Anger, after all, can be... Alright.Example. First.Alright, here’s a second example (The Big C S01E03):

Cathy is dealing with an incurable melanoma—a heavy, relentless reality—and while she’s just trying to get through her day in front of the local Whole Foods, she gets cornered by some overly persistent folks from a cancer advocacy group.

SHEILA: We missed having you at the meeting.
CATHY: You know, I’m starting to realize that support groups might just not be my thing. I think I’ve always been more the type to just sit back and suffer in silence.
Guy with THROAT CANCER: Are you smoking, Cathy?
LEON: Good grief, CATHY. CATHY (clutching a pack of Marlboros): Listen, everyone—I'm practically a walking corpse here. You can't seriously expect me to give up my one remaining simple pleasure.
SHEILA: It’s not that you’re dying—it’s that you’re actively killing yourself.
CATHY: Potato, potahto.
SHEILA: You can't just roll over and take it.
Leon: Honestly, when life hands you a pile of lemons, you might as well squeeze them into a smile—even if it feels a bit forced.
CATHY: Are you actually joking right now? I honestly don't even know any of you. I never asked for you to adopt me as some sort of charity case or a little project to tinker with—and I certainly don't need a lecture from this group. In case nobody bothered to mention it, cancer isn't some "blessing in disguise." It’s not a golden ticket to a more meaningful existence. Cancer is the very thing that is robbing me of my life! I won't be there to see my son walk down the aisle. I won't be around to meet my grandkids. So, please, spare me the pressure to force a smile. We all carry this profound heaviness deep inside us, yet you all want to play pretend—acting like we’re all sunshine and rainbows and endless potential? Well, you can leave me out of it, because cancer just plain sucks. Go ahead and slap that on one of your damn inspirational posters.
SHEILA: Anger isn't doing you any favors, Cathy. It’s just bad for your health.
CATHY: Honestly, Sheila—anger actually works wonders for me!

Lisa Young83 said:Izabela Martinović (sister of Danijela Martinović)

Thanks for the heads-up—I actually hadn't realized that. They really are quite similar. 😁

Rock - You Know I Love You (Standing Alone on the Pier)

lyrics

but honestly, I have no clue who the artist is 😬

It all depends on what’s actually driving the issue. My suggestion? Start by seeing a psychiatrist or a medical doctor first—get the clinical side sorted—and then, if you feel it's necessary, seek out a spiritual advisor. You could potentially supplement that approach with meditation. I've heard some people claim this helps them too, though I take those anecdotes with a grain of salt. Ultimately, though, the real work lies in the fact that you have to shift your mindset and open your mind.