Posts by David Torres87

urbanowl81 said:The real issue is how hard it is to build a career when you're dealing with that diagnosis. It leaves people stuck with those "dead-end" jobs nobody else wants. And when you combine that condition with a lack of drive, it becomes a nightmare—everything from the mental decay of unemployment to a total collapse of self-esteem and all the dark consequences that follow, like self-harm or suicidal ideation.

Which one? It looks like there are two. I don't really know enough to judge, but even among "dead-end" jobs, isn't there a spectrum?

Gary Morris2 said:I'm currently cranking through 6 pills a day as my regular maintenance, plus I’ve had to bump that one pill I usually split in half up to a full dose, along with some extra stuff for calming down which used to be just an occasional thing. Honestly, I've become incredibly snappy—like, a total jerk to people who haven't done a single thing to deserve it. And look, I'm actually a decent person. It's not like I'm made of sugar, but when my family starts coming at me with shit like, "Be grateful you even have a job" or "In one ear and out the other," I just feel like breaking down and crying from pure frustration. I really am trying. I'm working on myself. It's just that by the time I finish my shift, I've poured every ounce of energy and strength into this job, so once I'm off the clock, all I want to do is collapse into my bed. I can feel the swings happening. Just like how I know I was in full hypomania for the last three weeks, only now I'm being quiet and withdrawn—polite, sure, but not that total clown I was a few days ago. And don't even get me started on people getting on my nerves with that whole, "Come on, team! Let's see those big, bright smiles!" I can't smile right now if I want to. I'll do kako and koliko I possibly can. I can't give any more than that, because if I do, there won't be anything left of me. Nothing. Zero. Hope. Niente.

It isn't your fault. People telling you that’s just a normal job aren't normal themselves, period. Those are some of the lowest, worst, most mentally taxing jobs out there. None of us were built to absorb other people's rage for eight hours a day.
People think you just sit there and wonder what's wrong with you, but those are the people who have never actually done the work. My experience wasn't quite as extreme as yours, but it was still draining. I'd come home with a headache, feeling dead on my feet.

Don't beat yourself up if you can't hack it. If you lose your health, what's left?

Given how demanding those diagnoses are, you can't realistically expect to grind for eight hours straight. It wouldn't work even for someone perfectly healthy. In an environment like that, you're basically just a punching bag for everyone's verbal abuse. Healthy people walk away, while you're left at risk of a total breakdown. Handling money requires constant focus, too. Staying unemployed isn't the answer, but neither is destroying your health for a paycheck. Do you have any specific skills?

Ronald Edwards5 said:Look, I’m not trying to make excuses for my husband, but I don't think it's easy for him either—watching his wife crumble the second he uses a tone she doesn't like.

Sure, in a perfect world, nobody would ever criticize me and everyone would just love me unconditionally. But let's be real: life doesn't work like that, and I have to admit that I am way too sensitive.

Honestly, if I could just tell him to go jump in a lake when he's being difficult, I'd consider that massive progress. Instead, I just end up feeling disgusted with myself because I'm such a crybaby.

There's a massive spectrum between "nobody criticizes me" and the way your husband treats you.

I don't know. Good luck.

How am I supposed to pull myself together when I've got two tactless people constantly in my life? It feels like a Sisyphus task. You try to drop at least one stone, yet you end up pushing both of them to the top. It’s noble to want to work on yourself and realize you can't change them, but I worry they'll just be the peak where everything rolls right back down onto me. It's hard to focus on self-improvement when someone is constantly criticizing you without an ounce of empathy, all while dealing with a demanding mother. Real growth is difficult because sometimes it requires cutting people out entirely.

Ronald Edwards5 said:Based on how his family talks to one another, it’s pretty clear they don't think much of throwing a little shade or calling each other names once in a while to move on
I just can't do that. To me, it feels like the end of the world if he even makes a minor complaint and I can't find the words to stand up for myself.
I’d describe him as a dog that barks but never actually bites—he likes to toss out a snarky comment here and there, but he isn't systematically abusive or a bad person by nature.
To him, all of this is incredibly strange because he’s never dealt with someone who is quite this sensitive before.

I honestly think one reason I struggle to push back is a fear of abandonment. It's that nagging worry that he’ll leave me if I ever show any resistance or if I don't immediately offer a deep apology for everything I do.

In the previous thread, I thought him sending your toxic mother to hell in three different ways was just an isolated incident, but apparently, that's just part of his charm.
I'm not sure what to tell you. Personally, I couldn't deal with that. Abusive or not.
Think about the child growing up and watching this if you stay in the marriage.
As someone sensitive to these things, let me tell you: you won't change enough to make all that constant snapping okay. You'll either go numb or fall into a deep depression. Or, if you think you can become like him and just trade insults constantly, go ahead—but really, do you want your kid to witness that?

velvetgull9 said:But honestly, you kind of have to, because at some point, nobody else can fix it for you. It feels like you're holding him hostage—like, whenever he tells me something I don't want to hear, I totally lose it and can't handle it, and then I'm just miserable, boohoo...

I’ve been following your other threads too, and it’s always the same vibe. You seem to be waiting for space to just solve all your problems—which there are plenty of—while making excuses for why you aren't stepping up. Now that you're home with the baby, you're saying you can't (not like anything bad would happen if Dad watched the kid for two hours once a week while you went to therapy), but that's just how you've always been, even though the baby has only been here for a few months.

We talked about your mom and her relationship with you guys on another thread, and you made all these decisions—but now you're running to your mom again and then crying when your husband pushes back. Honestly, I think I’d feel the same way if I were him—though I probably wouldn't have kids with someone who throws things around the second they don't get their way.

This might sound harsh, but it's just the truth. If you actually want to make your life better, you've gotta take charge of it. It’s not easy and it definitely hurts, and it takes a ton of work—so if you won't do it for yourself, maybe try doing it for the baby.

Just check out her other posts, it might help clear things up.

I participated in the last thread. Back then, it seemed like the issue was just the mother and Ronald Edwards5. Now I see the husband is part of the problem too. I'd say walk away from both, though I doubt that'll happen.

I can’t really judge his character well enough to draw any conclusions. Sometimes people just bring out the worst in us, but regardless, these kinds of reactions are dramatic and counterproductive.
It’s also tough to offer advice when I don't know if what he’s saying is actually normal, or if it's just him being condescending and trying to act superior. Hard to say without knowing more. If that were the case, such a reaction wouldn't be justified, but at least you could decide where to put your energy: on yourself or on fixing the marriage.

Are you on any medication right now? Because those aren't typical reactions, and you know it.

Ronald Edwards5 said:Here’s a recent example

I promised my mom I'd help her carry some heavy stuff yesterday, but meanwhile, we've been dealing with a major mold issue in my room and trying to get it sorted out
He really wanted me to bail on her, but I know my mom—she’s stubborn as hell and she’ll end up lugging everything herself because she’s older now and her back is just shot
So, I told her I’d help out and be right back so we could get it all done together
But he managed to make me feel so guilty that I actually ended up leaving in tears

By the time I got back, the whole argument started up again, and I felt so helpless that I spiraled into that self-destructive headspace and ended up hurting myself...

So, yeah

Isn't that linked to what you mentioned before, about how he and your mother don't see eye to eye? Is there an example that doesn't involve her?

What does it actually mean to hold a firm stance versus just leveling criticism? Can you walk me through an example?

I’ve dealt with my fair share of harassment from someone in the private sector—or what the clueless types call the "real world." You can't exactly fire people like that; they’re too close to retirement and still pull in some numbers, so nobody cares that they’re poisoning the culture or targeting younger women. It’s not just about being a corporate drone. In some larger US corporations with rigid hierarchies, workplace bullying is a massive issue.

I dealt with a total nightmare at one of my old jobs. On my very first day, she snapped at me for no reason and spent the rest of my time there bullying me. She was all smiles with the shift lead, but she absolutely loathed and gossiped about the manager. Somehow, nobody ever called her out on it. To this day, I regret not telling her exactly what I thought of her, regardless of how much it might have cost me. When you have people like that constantly terrorizing younger employees, it destroys your mental health, your confidence, and your career. Usually, everyone just shrugs and says, "that's just how she is." Honestly, even if I had stood up to her, she probably would have just screamed louder and played the victim. There isn't really a fix for that kind of toxic environment other than walking away, unfortunately.

I’ve never quite understood people who would gamble their entire lives just to have a child. Even if they go through with it, who's to say it'll actually work out? At some point, you have to let logic take the wheel.