Posts by Jose Ward4

You’ve actually been on this forum a year longer than I have, Joseph Bailey41.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Trust me, you aren't alone in that. 🤣

Honestly, I feel like I could probably run a marathon right now.

My dear fellow Schizophrenia warriors, you wouldn't believe how incredibly worked up Jose Ward4 is today. And no, it’s not some psychotic episode—it’s just an absolutely relentless, unquenchable craving for sex. That’s just where I am today. Maybe it's this weather. Does it ever hit you guys like that? Just wanting to be intimate constantly? Like, the wild, unrestrained kind? It’s honestly overwhelming.

Laura Castillo6 said:I was watching this show earlier, and honestly, it got me thinking—I feel like I can actually predict exactly what kind of decision someone is going to make just by looking at a few specific parameters.

That’s right on the edge of science, isn't it? So, when does the season start?

Laura Castillo6 said:I was watching this show earlier, and honestly, it got me thinking—I feel like I can actually predict exactly what kind of decision someone is going to make just by looking at a few specific parameters.

Exactly.

Laura Castillo6 said:I’m currently diving into this article titled What if our consciousness isn't actually what drives our minds?.

It’s a bit of a long read, but I didn't really start questioning how the mind works until I went through my own experience with psychosis. I think anyone who’s been through that understands; during a psychotic episode, you don't really have access to your consciousness—you aren't "aware" in the way we normally define it. But the mind? It keeps running, keeps driving everything, even without that conscious awareness present. I spent quite a while lost in that headspace before things finally landed me in a hospital here in the States. There were moments where that sense of psychosis would drift, but even then, there wasn't any conscious realization that anything was going wrong. I just kept going. I survived it, though.

Honestly, I feel like we might eventually find answers to almost everything in life, just maybe not when it comes to the actual mechanics of how the brain functions.
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles...017.01924/full

New research is suggesting that the brain makes a decision about 10 seconds before we actually think we've made it. If you decide to lift your left hand, your brain has already committed to that movement 10 seconds prior to your conscious realization. That's what the latest studies are pointing toward.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Oh, you don't need to explain yourself at all... you can reply whenever you want, or not reply at all, or let someone else jump in, etc. And you don't even have to read everything that's been posted. We're just on a forum; there's absolutely no pressure here, and there's certainly no hard feelings on my end. Enjoy yourself. 😉

Fair enough. Thanks. 🙂 It’s just that I have this nagging feeling that I *have* to respond when someone reaches out to me. If I don't, I end up feeling this weird sense of guilt, like I've done something wrong. But you're right. Honestly, who cares? I need to stop overthinking things like this. Have a good one.

Joseph Bailey41 said:To me, this is just more proof that "intelligent design" doesn't hold water—it isn't actually intelligent, nor is it well-conceived from a design standpoint. One opening serving two functions (breathing and eating) was developed through evolution, and then we humans just tacked on a third function: speech. Animals don't chat while they eat, after all. 😁

If it didn't acknowledge them, certain priests wouldn't be performing exorcisms or even mentioning the Holy Spirit. When Christianity spread across America, it essentially had to "assimilate" all those pagan deities that were already present in these regions—rebranding them as saints so people could continue their worship without too much friction. And those old deities didn't just pop out of nowhere; they evolved from even older ancestor cults and animistic beliefs in nature spirits. Just as everything in nature constantly transforms, develops, and changes shape to adapt to its environment, the same thing happens within society. That said, we shouldn't claim a specific way of thinking is "better" or "more advanced" just because it's newer. It isn't. It's simply better adapted to its era. The way people with schizophrenia or autism function might have been more suited to the natural and social environment during certain phases of history than our current rationalist paradigm. Look at Abraham—if he wasn't experiencing schizophrenia, then nobody was, yet he's considered the father of three major world religions. Nowadays, if a man took his son into the mountains to sacrifice him because voices told him to, only to change his mind because the voices gave him new instructions, he wouldn't be seen as a figure of respect. He'd be viewed as dangerous to the community, forcibly hospitalized immediately, and kept on antipsychotics for the rest of his life. Back then, people valued and honored him. Those who hallucinated burning bushes or apocalypses... they wouldn't fare so well today. Unless, of course, they knew how to keep quiet and turned it into a movie or something. 🕺

Joseph Bailey41, don't get mad, but I really don't have the headspace to talk this through with you right now. You're being way too complicated for me. Maybe we can be friends come autumn, but right now, I just don't have the energy for this whole debate. I just don't. It's too much. Like you said when it gets this hot out—even with the AC blasting—you don't even feel like lifting a finger. And yeah, I've written some rude posts, things I shouldn't have, so maybe you see I'm an idiot and that's why you should stop replying to my stuff. I'm telling you, these topics are just too heavy for me right now. I'm just chilling or talking about love. That's where I am. I have a couple of buddies who are historians and Theta healers, and I love talking about the stuff you bring up in person, but right now, I'm just not feeling it. Believe me. I hope you aren't upset that I'm being so blunt, or that I used those harsh words—I wouldn't say them to your face, at least not the first time—but I hope you understand. I'm just totally checked out right now. Just chilling. I just wanted to explain that to you.

Laura Castillo6 said:I honestly see that as a bit of a logical fallacy. If we’re going to argue that creation requires an intelligent designer, then we really need to look at that designer through the lens of a supreme intelligence. To me, there isn't much "intelligent design" to be found in the biological systems you've described—take, for instance, how some animals have a single opening for breathing, eating, and waste; it seems like a pretty flawed setup if you ask me, given how easily they could choke. This is a total tangent, I know, but questions about religious hallucinations often crop up during psychotic episodes. Personally, I don't see any cosmic or supernatural interference happening there, though I certainly get why people believe what they do.

Look, I know this is off-topic and I won't harp on it, but I actually think that design is more efficient. Think about it: if you had two separate openings, you'd be burning way more energy maintaining that extra structure. Sugar, proteins, amino acids... it all flows through one channel. It's designed to minimize the energy required for upkeep. In most of the animal kingdom, choking isn't really an issue. To be honest, I'm not even sure why we struggle with it so much here in the States.

Angela Stewart6 said:Jose Ward4, we really can't just rely solely on our own inner voices—not when you consider that there are both good and evil spirits at play, assuming you have even a basic familiarity with religion. To truly listen only to oneself, one would need to possess a state of absolute, perfect consciousness. Every single day brings its own unique blend of darkness and light, which is precisely why we need God. We need that connection to cleanse us, because let's face it—none of us are perfect. Usually, this process happens through the Church. In my view, this path was established for us by Jesus through Peter. Now, sure, you could attempt to navigate this on your own, but I honestly believe it’s much more grounded to go through the Church and the Gospel. Perhaps what you’re saying is true—that it might be "healthier" to simply pray, "God, please help me get through this test," and so on. But you have to understand—my own records would probably label me as obsessively religious, so please don't mind my constant references to God; that's just how I perceive the world! Even though I don't attend church services regularly, I still find such peace being in those spaces.

I find being in a church beautiful too. I actually didn't realize religion acknowledged spirits.

Angela Stewart6 said:Jose Ward4 actually gave me such a great explanation regarding shamans earlier. It turns out they have people just as troubled as we do—it’s just that the distinction lies in timing. A shaman perceives certain truths or visions, whereas someone struggling with mental health might experience those same things at the wrong moment. It's a pretty fascinating way to look at it!

And honestly, of course God exists. Without Him, true humility wouldn't even be possible—we'd all just end up thinking we're the center of the universe, which is a recipe for disaster. Otherwise, it’s just "me, myself, and I" over and over again. And we can't have everyone following that path, right?! 😲

I’ll try to lay this out clearly because it feels like we’re looking at two different pictures here. Personally, I don't buy the idea that God is some cosmic bodyguard waiting to fix everything if you just say a quick prayer. People love to say "sins are forgiven" as if it’s a magic wand. I don't believe that. And the Church? I avoid it like the plague. Given what they've done throughout history, they haven't changed much. They’re basically the same as they were centuries ago, just with better PR. That said, I truly believe *something* exists. Something had to kickstart all of this. Now, I’m not talking about how a fish ended up in the ocean—that’s likely evolution, a slow process of adaptation. But the absolute beginning? Even when you look at the cosmos, everything is too perfectly aligned to be a total accident. Someone had to design this. Just look at the trees providing oxygen, maintaining themselves through rain and soil, the animals, the weather cycles... it's all incredibly synchronized. From the very start, it works like clockwork. Scientists argue about whether DNA hitched a ride on a comet from deep space, while plenty of others are convinced there's an actual Designer behind it all. Then there's our consciousness—our soul. Our bodies are just shells without that spark. There's an energy governing this entire planet. My stance is that there is indeed a Designer, the one we turn to when life gets heavy. You know, those moments where you mutter, "God, please help me pass this exam." I get that. I believe in a Creator. Call it God or call it a Designer, whatever. Some days I feel a connection to that higher power, a sense that He wants us to do good through His guidance. He isn't going to save us if we don't actually want to be saved. I believe God works *through* us. If you want to save the world, do it through that connection. You don't need a Bible or some ancient text for that. Just listen to your inner self, because that's how He speaks to you. To me, that’s the only honest way to live. As for the whole "repentance" thing and all the nonsense churches preach? Not my cup of tea. Even Jesus, if He was here, taught us not to worship idols or buildings. But the Church has become a template, and people end up worshipping the architecture rather than the spirit, which isn't what God wants. As far as I can tell, God spoke through Jesus, His child. I could go on forever—I could write three more pages on this—but good grief, who has the time to read all that? This is already long enough.

Joseph Bailey41 said:There’s definitely some truth to that, but from what I’ve gathered studying ethnology, having visions wasn't enough to just declare yourself a shaman, let alone the leader of the craft. Those experiences were really just an indication that someone had certain predispositions—a natural gift, if you will. To actually gain control over those abilities, they had to undergo specific initiation rites. We’d probably call it inducing a state of psychosis today, but back then, it involved things like using various plant substances, fasting, or spending long periods of isolation in sacred or even cursed locations. After all that, they would learn specific techniques from an elder shaman or healer. It was also somewhat predictable when these talents would emerge; it often showed up in childhood since there seems to be a genetic component, so early preparation would sometimes begin even then. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park, though—things could go south very quickly, and death was a very real possibility if the process went wrong. Different cultures viewed this differently, too; in some places, it was seen as a blessing, while in others, it was treated like a curse. People generally held shamans in high regard, but there was always an underlying sense of fear. Those abilities could be used for good—like healing people or influencing the weather to ensure a better harvest—but they could just as easily be used for harm, like casting spells. We also have to keep in mind that their worldview was fundamentally different from ours. They believed everything alive possessed a spirit or soul—not just animals and plants, but stones and elemental forces like the wind, rain, and sun. They believed the dead remained present among us or inhabited another realm where they watched over the living (or caused them trouble). Belief in some form of reincarnation was also quite common. Souls didn't just wander the world randomly like some people believe today; instead, they followed ancestral lines. For instance, someone might be reborn as their own great-grandchild, or perhaps only a part of their soul would pass on while the rest remained in the underworld.

Back in the day, people believed in all sorts of things, but there was usually a shared consensus within the community. We didn't really have this intense modern pluralism where everyone is constantly clashing over different viewpoints. Instead, most people operated under a single, unified system of symbols. Even the local shaman essentially functioned as a psychotherapist, though the job was way less taxing than what therapists deal with today because everyone’s internal landscape was more or less similar. Basically, someone might start out their life being seen as a bit "touched" or eccentric, but through various personal journeys, they would eventually emerge on the other side as a healer or a pillar of the community. They held that position as long as the group recognized them as such—essentially, as long as people perceived their rituals as actually working. Most of these individuals weren't exempt from the daily grind, either; they worked just as hard as everyone else. Their spiritual roles were more like an extra responsibility, and in exchange, they might receive better cuts of meat or some animal furs. Because of that, there wasn't much incentive to fake it. You couldn't just pretend to be something you weren't, which is a huge contrast to the "alternative" scene we see today.

Over the last few decades, there’s been this intense focus on studying and reconstructing various shamanic techniques—and we can't forget the massive impact the late Michael Harner had on that field. The interesting thing is that anyone can actually engage with some of these practices, regardless of whether they consider themselves a "shaman" or not. One of the simplest ways to start is just practicing gratitude for everything around you. I'm talking about acknowledging the living things, the objects, and the natural phenomena in your life. You don't even have to say it out loud; you can just hold it in your mind. It's something like thinking, "Thank you, rain, for falling and soaking the earth," or "Thank you, tomato plant, for providing food for my salad," or "Thank you, tree, for giving me shade." It's such a beautiful, grounding practice, and honestly, it doesn't require you to believe in anything supernatural to feel the benefit.

Joseph Bailey41, I'm right there with you on everything you said. Honestly, I haven't had much to contribute to this discussion yet, but thank you for sharing what you know. It’s so important. Maybe someone will actually learn something about their own condition—though, let's be real, nowadays everything is labeled as an "illness" even if that's not quite right. You have a way with words, too; you explained things so much more clearly than I ever could. I already knew this stuff, but I bet plenty of people here didn't. Now they do. Do you think people realize that our true environment is nature, not all this concrete and urban chaos? I can't help but wonder if we're all falling ill simply because we've been pushed away from our natural habitat. We belong in meadows, forests, among flowers and medicinal herbs—you know what I mean, right? There are so many brilliant minds out there arguing that if you take a lion out of the wild, it will fight to get back to its natural home, otherwise, it’ll just wither away, get sick, or die out entirely. We are part of that animal kingdom, after all. I truly believe we don't act any differently.

What do you all think about the idea that back in the day—way before this modern civilization took over, when people were still living in tribes—those folks with intense visions were immediately elevated to the role of head shaman, teacher, or healer? It’s such a fascinating thought. People with the exact same neurological predispositions we see today were viewed through a completely different lens by their communities. Nowadays, we just label it a disorder. If you do some reading, the descriptions are striking. The very individuals who would be diagnosed with schizophrenia today were once considered the backbone of the entire tribe. Truly fascinating stuff.

Honestly, I’m just glad to hear you're feeling better. As for me, I absolutely cannot stand manipulators. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves. To be fair, I’m pretty hard to play—usually, if someone tries to pull a fast one on me in person, I might fall for it for a split second, but then the gears start turning. I quickly realize, "Wait, this person is trying to manipulate me." Once that happens, I steer clear. I give them a massive wide berth. I can't deal with people who put their own agendas above everyone else. You never really know where you stand with them; you can't tell if they actually care about you as a person or if they're just looking out for their own selfish interests. In my book, those are some of the most repulsive people on the planet.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I actually had my diagnosis while I was in the hospital nearly 20 years ago, though life wasn't exactly a walk in the park even before that. On my Medicare records, I'm listed as having bipolar disorder, but in reality, I've dealt with PTSD stemming from the system itself (along with some subsequent traumatic experiences), and I simply don't have the budget for private specialists. Things were pretty rough before I finally figured out what my actual issues were and how to handle them. Now, things are so much better... I still find myself getting triggered by aggressive or manipulative people occasionally, but I've learned how to keep them at arm's length and manage my own reactions, which usually pass within a few minutes. But that didn't happen by accident; it took a lot of learning and hard work. Having a psychotherapist would probably have made the process faster and easier.

I've had the chance to meet quite a few people diagnosed with schizophrenia. I've talked to some of them while they were in the middle of an acute psychotic episode, and those were the moments when it was easiest to understand why they were struggling. Every single time, it’s a deeply uncomfortable life story. It honestly breaks my heart that no one seems to want to work with people during those specific moments anymore; I really feel there is so much potential for help there.

Look, Joseph Bailey41, nobody is really listening to you these days, especially when you're in the middle of a psychotic break and end up stuck in the ward. They just pump you full of pills to keep you quiet. Actual conversation with doctors is rare in these facilities, and some stays last longer than six months. Think about that. All you can do is lose your mind from all the medication. That's the reality for everyone who has ended up in the hospital. It is a total disgrace to our healthcare system and to the idea of helping people in need—and I don't just mean us, I mean anyone. It's a huge shame. What can I even say? The last time I was there, they locked up this guy just because he'd had too much to drink. He wasn't having a psychosis at all; he just ended up there because of alcohol. They refused to give him any pills, and they wouldn't let him leave the building! He was held there for five months. I’m telling you, the man went insane. He was literally calling lawyers in the hospital hallways, screaming about injustice. The doctor actually laughed and told him he needed to watch his attitude. When I left, he was still there; I was only there for a month. Even the people who end up in psychiatric wards for the very first time started getting restless. But of course, that wasn't about psychosis. That’s just how it is now. One big, chaotic asylum.

George Cook said:Psychosis can be linked to PTSD.

Honestly, I think I actually experienced some PTSD before I ended up in the hospital. It was a massive trauma. But look, I’m not going to dive into all that right now—lately, I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive. No doom and gloom today. Maybe it just isn't the right time to go there.

Jamie Lewis said:@Jose Ward4, are you also on the Ziprexica Quote dose? 😍

Look, auditory hallucinations in schizophrenia are one thing, but intuition—that spontaneous spark where you just *know* something, or an idea or solution suddenly hits you—is something else entirely.

So, here’s the thing. The last time I was over at the Walgreens pharmacy, the technician there told me something pretty wild. He said that every single pill actually reflects a certain part of your personality. It sounds a bit out there, right? But he insisted there’s a reason why there are so many different kinds out there—one just fits you better than the others. Then, my psychiatrist chimed in with a slightly darker take, suggesting that these meds basically have a way of controlling your brain. Honestly, though, I think he might be onto something. Out of everything I've tried, this Vaira version feels like the only one that truly matches who I am.

Ouagadougou said:I remember you mentioning that, but honestly, it’s beside the point.

Look, this isn't personal. I don't have anything against you, but you can't just jump in to play the knight in shining armor simply because she's a woman—especially when you weren't even there for the actual conversation or the messages and everything else that went down. I have my reasons for telling her that her approach doesn't sit right with me, specifically how she's playing the victim far more than she actually is in reality. That brings us back to that "selfishness" I mentioned earlier; I feel like way too many people out there are just performing. I won't go as far as calling Sunčani Cvjet, but in a place like Washington, D.C., most people are exactly like that. I'll stand by that, and I don't care who tries to tell me otherwise.
Why am I looking for flaws? Because about 70% of people aren't even being themselves. They just follow the crowd. They don't have an original thought in their heads; they just act out roles, and the second I catch onto that, it honestly makes me sick.

I tend to be a bit more lenient with women; it's just how I am. It's in my nature. Probably my horoscope, too. And no, I'm definitely not some kind of jerk.

Ouagadougou said:Go ahead, Jose Ward4, just say whatever pops into your head. I actually respect that.
Back when we were grabbing beers, you mentioned she was totally your type, so...
As for how long I've been waiting—that’s none of your business. It hasn't been since Wednesday; it's been since Friday night. Stop making assumptions.
Just take it easy.

Adding an edit to this post:

I have nothing against her. She isn't a bad person and doesn't wish ill on anyone, but she has flaws. I just pointed those out to her, and honestly, it's all a fallout from what happened last Friday night.

And who do you think you are, telling me how to talk to people? You aren't always right, even if you think you are. Look at this as proof of what I didn't say to her on Wednesday. Everything was fine on Wednesday, so just chill out a bit.

To be honest, I don't even remember saying she was my type. We were having beers, sure, but I truly don't recall saying that. Look, everyone has flaws. We're all human, nobody is perfect, but surely you know that. You're a grown man, not a baby.

Look, I can't even stay mad at you because you're honestly one of the funniest guys I know in person, and I mean that sincerely. But sometimes you really go overboard with this whole "egoism" thing. You do it constantly. We haven't talked about my own past, but based on how you act here on the forum—and I might be wrong—it feels like it's not people having a problem with you, but rather you having a problem with people. People bother you, New York City bothers you, all these other things bother you, all under the excuse that everyone else is just too selfish. Why do you always hunt for people's faults instead of looking for the good? Life would be a lot easier if you did.

Ouagadougou said:I knew it, Jose Ward4! I just knew you’d show up to weigh in on this one.
Honestly, man or woman, it doesn’t matter—I feel like I’m seeing the same patterns everywhere I look. But when someone starts acting that irrational? Man, I just lose all respect for them in an instant. You really have to call people out on that kind of behavior. At the end of the day, you can't build a life on empty gestures and nonsense. We need to start facing the facts.
Just because Sara Vordas is attractive doesn't mean you have a free pass to touch her. Seriously.

Look, I told you Angela Stewart6 is attractive. I didn't say I was into her. There’s a massive difference there, and I think you should get that. I don't even know the woman! Your obsession with my "consistency" is honestly hilarious—you really sat there waiting until Wednesday just to call me out on this? And then you choose to do it right here on a forum instead of saying it to my face or giving me a ring? That says a lot about you, if you ask me. Anyway, that’s all I've got for now. I'm signing off.

Ouagadougou said:Is there anyone more much of a psychopath than someone living with schizophrenia or full-blown psychosis? Honestly, looking at this group, you all fit the description perfectly. You’re basically describing yourselves.

Good grief, you’ve completely lost it.

Ouagadougou said:Because I actually spoke to her in person and saw how she carries herself. Look, I deal with a few diagnoses myself, so I have zero interest in playing the victim or being manipulative.
Plus, while we were talking, she was clearly struggling to hear out of one ear—so much for all that talk about "respecting" everyone at the table.

Oh, so now you're the one feeling insulted? I honestly don't get you. How can you be so dismissive toward women? It makes no sense.

If you're feeling slighted, just admit it: she bruised your ego.