Posts by Jose Ward4

Laura Castillo6 said:I didn't mean it like that, exactly. I just meant that people tend to judge you because of your health issues—it’s almost like they think being sick is somehow your own fault.

For instance, people who have never really dealt with a serious medical struggle (and I'm not talking about a little seasonal flu or a cold) just can't wrap their heads around what it's actually like to live with a chronic condition or the weight that comes with it.

Look, I’ve never actually been blamed for being sick. Seriously. No one has ever looked at me with pity. Not even my parents. They just handled things normally, you know? It wasn't a big drama. The only time I felt that kind of sympathy was back when I was younger—way back when I was still green and naive—and the doctors would actually show me some compassion. But not anymore. Not these days.

It’s honestly impossible to wrap my head around it when they aren't dealing with it themselves. It's like... how am I supposed to explain what it feels like to live with two broken arms? I just can't. I have no clue because, thank God, mine are perfectly fine. They lack that lived experience, and honestly, I'm grateful they don't have to go through it.

Laura Castillo6 said:It’s not just all in your head, either. It’s funny, because I once had a psychiatrist who basically wrote me off, thinking I was a lost cause. But things have shifted lately. It feels like the way we're all living now forces everyone to take a much harder look at themselves. 🙂

Honestly, people who judge others for having an illness usually have their own issues to work through. For me, it’s personal. I find it incredibly hard to be around anyone dealing with cancer because I lost my dad to it.

Laura Castillo6 said:It’s not just all in your head, either. It’s funny, because I once had a psychiatrist who basically wrote me off, thinking I was a lost cause. But things have shifted lately. It feels like the way we're all living now forces everyone to take a much harder look at themselves. 🙂

I'm not quite sure I follow you. Are you saying there are psychiatrists out there with a negative outlook, or that we're all just preoccupied with ourselves because of the era we're living in? I don't know, I didn't quite catch your drift. I dealt with some pretty negative situations with doctors back when I was young and naive. Not anymore, though. Nowadays, I know how to hold my own, even if I find myself sitting in a hospital room. I don't let those biases get to me anymore—if they even still exist in the medical field here in the States. Seriously, I remember telling a girl after only dating for a month that I have schizophrenia, and she just didn't get it. She kept asking why I take medication, as if I'm not perfectly fine because of it. That's the part they don't understand. The people who aren't on meds.

Harold Anderson3 said:Take the US chat forums, for instance.🙄
I suppose discussions about anxiety on psych forums are a bit more "popular," I have to admit.🙂

But honestly, the folks dealing with Anksik are the ones really running this forum if you look at the sheer volume of posts across volumes 1, 2, and 3. And frankly, they're just going through it. From hair loss and hypochondria to gut issues, kidney problems, or stomach aches—it's all a mess. It isn't easy for them. They're really struggling.

Laura Castillo6 said:Where did he even come from 🤣 out of thin air with just one single post? haha 😂

I think Eric Ramos93 makes a really good point. Honestly, I think the "popularity" surrounding schizophrenia mostly comes from the stigma attached to it. Just the name itself carries so much baggage and negative bias. Personally, I’d love to see them phase out the term "schizophrenia" altogether in the future. It would be much better to just classify it as a psychotic disorder—or if the symptoms are shorter-lived, maybe call it a brief psychotic disorder instead.

For what it's worth, I've never actually dealt with people being judgmental toward me. Not even with girls I was seeing. Back in the day, doctors used to act all sympathetic and patronizing whenever I mentioned my diagnosis. Now? They don't even bother with that. But from regular people? Nothing. I really think most of that perceived judgment is just something you conjure up in your own head.

Harold Anderson3 said:I’m not sure if anyone else has caught this, but it looks like this thread might actually hit that incredible one-million view milestone very soon—maybe even as early as today—considering we've been at this for nearly twelve years now. Aside from this specific discussion, I think there's only one other thread in the Psychology section that can claim that kind of massive reach. It really feels like we’re a bit more popular than we first let on, doesn't it? 🙂

There are just so many Sizik types running around out there. That’s why we’re such a hit. We really are the leading voices in the world of pharmacology and psychotherapy 🙂.

Where's Sizik at? How’s everyone doing? What's the word?

Harold Anderson3 said:Please, just don't go quitting your therapy. A single week of physical intimacy really isn't worth spending three months trying to recover from a psychotic episode. Take my word for it on this one.

No, I am definitely not quitting therapy. Honestly, I haven't missed a dose in about four months. I'm staying on top of everything. It's just that today... I don't know, I just felt a bit off. Maybe if the mood doesn't lift by around 2:30 or 5:00 PM, I might head to the doctor. I think it’s just this heat. I swear, everyone gets more irritable when it's this sweltering out. Yesterday, there were these girls at the pub—real show-stoppers, you know? Deep decolletage, huge chests, very distracting. They were heading to a folk dance club nearby, so they were just warming up. My gut tells me they were probably working the scene. Anyway, by the time I got home around 1:30, I hadn't touched a single drop of alcohol. I haven't been drinking for two months now, and I can tell you, I feel much better for it. Even those little glands behind my ears—I can't even remember the name—they seem to be functioning better. Plus, my blood work came back perfect, which is a huge change from before. I just had it done a week ago. It’s just that sometimes the cravings hit me hard. Yesterday was one of those days where I just really wanted a beer. But instead, I stuck to a chocolate Nescafe and then some juice. The rest of the guys were hanging out at the corner. I thought they might give me a hard time about it, but they didn't. They aren't really my inner circle anyway; seeing them once a month is plenty for me.

So, look, my dear friends, Jose Ward4 is feeling that primal urge again today. Honestly, I don't know how else to deal with this constant hunger for intimacy besides... well, you know. I’m just craving some kind of connection, even if it's just a casual thing with a woman. It seems to hit me hardest whenever the weather gets this sweltering. I feel like I’m constantly on edge, just wanting to be close to someone. I can't help but wonder if you all feel this same restless tension, or if it's just me? Because for me, it's relentless. Day in and day out. It actually makes me feel a bit physically ill, and yet, there isn't a single girl in sight. I truly envy those of you who have a partner. If I had a girlfriend, I’d shower her with affection every single moment. Every hour, every minute—it’s just a constant, driving hunger.

Look, I know for a fact that back when I was going through that psychotic episode—and yeah, I wasn't taking my meds—my libido shot up by like 200%. I was constantly wound up, which was a huge issue since I didn't have a girlfriend at the time. Even when I tried going off the pills for seven days later on—and I truly believe I wasn't in a full-blown psychosis then—that same thing happened. My drive just spiked 200% again. I'm just perpetually revved up. The real struggle is that I have no way to channel all that energy when I'm single. It’s just how I function. That's my reality. When I'm off the medication, I am nonstop. And honestly, from what I can tell, I don't even have any specific fetishes or anything.

Chloe Flores83 said:Oh, right! I totally forgot to mention that weird thing with the fish. I honestly don't know what happened, but twice while I was out in the deep ocean, these silvery fish just started swirling around my legs. They weren't scared of me at all—it was almost like they were tame. It felt so surreal, like they were staring right at me. I can't tell if they were just incredibly curious little creatures or if I was having some kind of hallucination.

Like Joseph Bailey41 said, there are definitely fish like that out there. Maybe they’re just looking to pick off parasites or bacteria from other fish? Perhaps they just took a liking to you.

For me, back when I was going through a psychotic episode, cats absolutely adored me. I remember this one time at a friend's place, his cat just wouldn't leave my side. She walked right up to me and stayed glued to me the whole time. My take on it? Animals can sense the energy we put out into the world. It happened again with dogs during my psychosis, too. They kept hovering around me. It felt totally freakish because nothing like that had ever happened to me before.

Joseph Bailey41 said:What an idiot. 🤦

Exactly.

Laura Castillo6 said:She definitely had them, but they used to give her this massive rush of euphoria—kind of like how I get when I’m feeling, you know, sexually charged... man, those things are just next level. 😁

Look, my whole mindset was that we had to save the planet. And honestly? I was thriving. Women were all over me, especially the older crowd—real MILFs, you know? But damn, that whole era just came to a crashing halt.

Laura Castillo6 said:Look, all those illusions aren't necessarily "positive" experiences. In many cases, they're actually symptoms of an underlying disorder. Take catatonia, for example—that’s a symptom itself, so you shouldn't just try to brush it off or deny its significance.

Negative hallucinations can be terrifying, like the sensation that you're actually dying. I remember being absolutely convinced my heart was about to give out; I just laid there in bed, waiting for the end. It was an incredibly heavy, unsettling feeling. Later on, I had this overwhelming conviction that the Sun was going to explode. The fear was so intense I actually fled my house. Honestly, if I hadn't gotten away when I did, I might have actually died from the sheer panic.

There are plenty of other instances like that. Anything that leaves you feeling profoundly disturbed can fall under the umbrella of negative hallucinations, mainly because they leave you acting in such an extreme, agitated state. From a psychiatric standpoint, hallucinations are inherently negative because they're completely out of your control and present a false reality, which is why doctors strongly advise against using marijuana or other psychoactive substances.
Personally, I’d suggest everyone steer clear of alcohol and even tobacco as much as possible.

Well, I smoke, damn it.

Anamar did you actually experience these hallucinations? Like, visual or auditory ones? You're talking as if you don't really get what we're discussing here, so I have to ask.

Laura Castillo6 said:You really can't just deny that psychosis is a real medical condition. Once someone starts coming back to reality after an episode, they usually have a pretty clear idea of what went down. Plus, even the psychiatrists—the ones who actually know their stuff—can tell when something is fundamentally off based on how a person communicates, their body language, and all those little nuances in conversation. We might not have a machine that can point to a screen and say, "There it is," but you don't need one. A proper psychological evaluation through actual, deep conversation is more than enough to prove it's happening.

Just wanted to add:
When I was last in the hospital—I think it was about a year ago at a facility over in Seattle—I didn’t have a single blood test or a CT scan done, even though I was there for an entire month. There was this other guy staying in my room, someone who had never been hospitalized before, and he hadn't gone through any scans or blood work either. He actually brought it up during one of our chats; we ended up getting along pretty well. It really makes you think, though. When you look at how things work, most diagnoses aren't exactly backed by hard physical evidence. Usually, if you're dealing with medical issues, you go in for a CT scan or blood tests to check your dopamine or serotonin levels just to prove what's actually going on. That’s how almost everything in medicine works. But in this field? Apparently not. It feels like the only thing left is for a psychiatrist to sit you down, give you a diagnosis, and hand you some pills.

You don't actually need some high-tech medical device to diagnose a mental health condition. Take anxiety, for example—you don't exactly need to run blood tests or check chemical levels in the body just to prove someone is struggling with an anxiety disorder. It’s something you can observe and understand through conversation and experience, rather than just looking at data on a screen.
Look, we all know that brain chemicals like dopamine and all that stuff are absolutely vital for how our neurons actually talk to each other. It’s the engine under the hood, right? But at the end of the day, when you're looking at actual symptoms of an illness, there isn't really a magic number you can just point to. You can't exactly run a test to say, "Aha! This person is exactly 4.2 milligrams short on dopamine," and call it a formal diagnosis. It’s more about the way those symptoms manifest in a person's life rather than trying to nail down a precise chemical measurement.
Honestly, I don't think you should ever look at a diagnosis as some kind of final sentence. It’s more like a roadmap—a starting point that leads you toward the right therapy and eventually to a place of stability. As for tapering off medication, it’s definitely possible, but you really shouldn't try to go it alone. You need to work closely with a professional to do it safely. I actually know quite a few people who managed to successfully step away from their meds even after taking them for decades. It’s all about patience and seeing how things settle over time, provided there isn't a relapse. Just take it one step at a time.

You’re talking about what happens in a doctor's office, but I’m talking about the logic behind it all. Seriously, think about it: how were these medications even created in the first place? They must have had deep insights into what was going wrong with patients—looking at dopamine, serotonin, neuron activity, and all that. They had to observe and establish those patterns in sick patients so they could eventually apply treatments to you, me, and everyone else. You get what I mean? So my question is: if they could figure it out then, why is it suddenly impossible to see now? It feels a bit confusing. These pills react to everything you just mentioned, which means researchers had to study those very things to make the drugs work. And yet now, they claim they can't "see" it without a psychiatrist standing right there.

Who knows? Maybe a woman suffering from severe anxiety ends up on pills or in a facility because she actually needs a total life overhaul—a change in her job, her routine, or her environment. Maybe she just needs peace and quiet. Or maybe she just doesn't have the money for real help. But with the way things are, based on your behavior, you just get handed a prescription and told to "keep pushing." You're just patching a hole while the rest of the boat is still sinking. I'm not saying schizophrenia is curable—I'm not claiming that—but the whole way this is handled... it just smells fishy to me. Especially that first part of my response.

Laura Castillo6 said:To be honest, for me, there isn't much of a difference between f23 and f20.

Aha. I did a little surfing online. Found this: "Acute polymorphic psychotic disorder without schizophrenic symptoms." It’s not easy for you either.

I'm actually feeling pretty good right now, despite this intense heatwave. I mean, what would I even attempt? Trying to live without medication? If I had some kind of actual support—someone to guide me through it—I might try. I feel certain about it, but I am absolutely convinced that I need to overhaul my diet first. If only someone actually knew how to do that... then maybe we could talk about tapering off the pills. I've been watching stuff on YouTube about people who managed to resolve their issues just by changing what they eat. But you have to know *how* to do it. There are actually a few doctors in the USA who have successfully treated patients just through dietary changes and specific exercises. Maybe some Yoga or something along those lines. Now, why we see and hear things, I don't know. Is it a genuine chemical imbalance in the brain, or are we just operating on a different frequency when we're in psychosis? Who knows. I suspect they might be hiding things from us. For instance, when I'm in psychosis, my brain functions identically to a "healthy" patient's brain. A CT scan can't prove I have schizophrenia. And I'm not entirely sure, though I've heard it from others, that you can't even detect a dopamine or serotonin imbalance during psychosis. Again, unprovable. So, the only thing left is for a doctor to evaluate you, hand you a diagnosis, and write a prescription. It’s a strange way to operate...

Just wanted to add:
When I was last hospitalized—that was last year, Sparrow—I didn't have a single blood test or a CT scan the entire month I was there. The guy sharing my room was also a first-timer, and he didn't go for blood work or a CT scan either. He actually mentioned it to me; we got along quite well. Good guy. When you look at these diagnoses, they aren't even scientifically proven in the way you'd think. Usually, you'd expect a CT scan or blood work (checking dopamine, serotonin, etc.) to prove a disease exists. That’s how everything else in medicine works, but apparently not here. It seems the only thing that matters is having a person—a psychiatrist—diagnose you and give you the meds...

Laura Castillo6 said:Well, it’s just because they don't know, honestly. Simple as that.

That’s true. So, are you actually done with all those pills now? Not taking any more at all?

I usually take about 1.5mg of Ativan to help me drift off at night. It's just my little routine to help settle everything down so I can actually get some rest.

Do you have a formal diagnosis? Has a doctor actually sat down and diagnosed you with it?

Joseph Bailey41 said:There’s nothing unusual about that; the stomach is incredibly sensitive to nerves, stress, and all that stuff. And honestly, it might not be a bad idea to work through those anxieties in actual therapy. Have you ever done any counseling sessions, aside from those quick 20-minute check-ins?

I went once. To be honest, psychiatry feels strange to me in general, but I did see a psychologist for an hour about three months ago. And I came out feeling even more wrecked than when I walked in. It didn't help at all. We were talking, and all I could think was, "What a joke." So, right now, I really don't feel like looking for someone new...

Laura Castillo6 said:For me, it was pure anxiety—just constant fear—right after the psychosis hit.

I still remember those early days, bouncing between my psychologist and then seeing a psychiatrist. Since everything was so new to me, I couldn't quite wrap my head around the term anxiety. I kept telling them how terrified I was of slipping back into psychosis (which, in my opinion, is what most people who have lived through it feel—that underlying dread), so they just kept noting down on my charts that I was "anxious."

Looking back, I felt like they didn't truly get me because they had no idea what actual psychosis feels like. But the reality is, my anxiety was essentially a direct reaction to the psychosis itself 😲
. I understand that now, but back then, it was a total blur.

By my fifth visit to the psychiatrist, she had already decided to put me on something for the anxiety. It felt like nobody actually wanted to hear about the deep-seated terror; they just wanted to label it. The harsh truth is that at the end of the day, regardless of what diagnosis you carry, life doesn't stop. For us regular folks, that means you still have to earn a living and handle your daily responsibilities. 🙏

Eventually, I stopped going to the psychiatrist—mostly because I wanted to avoid being handed a prescription—and started setting small goals for myself. I just followed my gut and gave myself tasks to complete. I hadn't read anything about anxiety at the time, but looking back, I realize how incredibly difficult it is for people dealing with it. After a while, things started to improve. The fear gradually began to fade, and now I can function pretty well on a day-to-day basis.

Even outside of mental health struggles, I think fear is just the most dominant emotion we have. Something I've noticed through my own experience is that fear is almost always much more intense than the actual danger present in reality.

That's true. So, are you completely off the pills now?

Joseph Bailey41 said:Were you taking any anxiolytics, like Xanax, alongside your AP? Getting off those things is a total nightmare. 😲

I'm not sure. Honestly, I can't even tell if Zyprexa is meant to be an antipsychotic or an anxiolytic. I’ve been taking Zyprexa similar to how one takes Vaira. It's been a total nightmare. On the bright side, I felt great—it was like everything just cleared out of my system all at once. Back then, I was sipping on lavender and ginger teas to help settle my stomach. I realized that while I was on the medication, I could eat pretty much anything without a second thought; my stomach was bulletproof. But the moment I stepped off them? Everything changed. I ate some bread—nothing crazy, just a decent amount—and I ended up with terrible gastritis and spent ages throwing up. It was brutal. Then, on the seventh day, I took my dose and suddenly the anxiety vanished and the stomach pains just evaporated. It was like nothing had ever happened.

Laura Castillo6 said:Well, regardless of what happens to any single person on this planet, hope dies right along with the people who hold it.

I hate psychosis because there's zero control—you can't control yourself, the illness, or that entire chaotic mental festival going on upstairs. But when I was in the middle of it, I would have described it similarly to how that user fellow did; he really captured part of the experience.

It’s everything from incredible sensations to wild visions and ideas... honestly, it's stuff that probably 95% of people will never experience in their entire lives.
BUT... the fact that you lose all control is a massive downside. It isn't a healthy brain state, and there are plenty of negative feelings, terrors, and dark hallucinations involved. There's a bit of everything in there.
After a psychotic break comes the injections. To get things under control, they hit you with heavy sedatives, and once things settle down a bit, they move you onto daily medications.

And that’s exactly how these drugs work—by blocking receptors. They trigger depression because, logically speaking, if psychosis were the direct cause of the depression, you'd just be constantly depressed.

Why does this happen? Because neuroscience and psychiatry are still relatively young fields. This science is essentially flying blind; they don't truly grasp what's happening inside the brain. They've barely scratched the surface. The main weapon they have is these medications, which, incidentally, were originally discovered for something else entirely, and then someone experimented with them for psychiatric disorders. It's interesting that while most of them suppress the positive symptoms of psychosis, they often create those negative ones in the form of depression.

Man, as long as life goes on, hope stays alive. When one of those two disappears, everything else goes with it.

You nailed it, especially regarding the psychosis and the "medication" part. For me, even though staying in that psychotic state felt almost euphoric at times, the terror would creep in. I didn't have hallucinations, at least not during those first seven days when I was attempting to jump off my balcony, but the fear? That was real. By the seventh day, I was terrified to even step out my front door. If it weren't for those fears, I might have actually embraced the psychosis and all those wild ideas you mentioned, because my brain was firing like a firework display. Those scares are what ruin it. Maybe if I had people by my side, I could have pushed through. Who knows.