CheckEmoji Community · the emoji forum
🏠 Home 🆕 What's new ❓ Unanswered 🔥 Popular 📡 RSS Members 👥 0 online log in · register
Home › steelskipper4 › Posts

Posts by steelskipper4

16 posts shown.

Take the case of Edmund Smith, if you will; he serves as living proof that change is indeed possible. For a stretch of eleven years—from the age of thirteen all the way until he hit twenty-four—he lived a homosexual lifestyle. Fast forward to today, where he is now thirty-six and enjoys a perfectly happy marriage (a heterosexual one, just so we aren't misinterpreting things 😁).

The Great Gatsby
The Great Gatsby
The Great Gatsby
The Great Gatsby
The Great Gatsby

Precisely what you just pointed out was the very thing that haunted him. He found himself yearning for genuine love and true contentment, because in the gay lifestyle, in perhaps 99.9% of instances, there is this pervasive sense of promiscuity—a sort of aimless, disoriented chasing from one man to the next, an attempt to somehow fill an emotional void that simply refuses to be filled.

There is a profoundly fascinating statement made in the first video, occurring at the 6 minute and 23 second mark:

It's not so much about sex. It's about looking for love ... BUT from the wrong genre and it doesn't work. You know. It's an irony - we call ourselves "gay" and origin meaning of "gay" is "happy", but I was never happy ... I was never happy. And looking around at ... many, many people I know ... I still have lots of, lots of gay friend who I truly, truly love and have fantastic relationships with ... you know, healthy relationships ... and I've not met one who is gay and happy ... never.
Getting attached to your own creations in Spirituality ·
Jeremy Davis7 said:Back when I was just a kid, I was head over heels—and I mean way past the point of no return—for science fiction.
I don't know why... I guess I was just "somewhere else" entirely back then. Every fiber of my being felt detached. I was constantly hungry for it—that deep, restless craving for everything that fed my obsession with the cosmos, interstellar travel, and the idea of life out there among the stars.

It was mostly just books and anything else that fell under the sci-fi umbrella.
Just everything I could wrap my head around at the time.
I was feeling inspired, maybe even a little high on life, so I actually sat down and tried to write something myself... I even went as far as publishing a few humble little pieces.
That dragged on for years... honestly, there was this whole chunk of my life that was just defined by it.

One of the few things I’ve ever done with actual, genuine heart—despite everything else being a total mess—was collecting "Sirius".
I can't even remember the name of it—some obscure sci-fi magazine from back in the 80s that used to be everywhere. I honestly can't recall who actually published it anymore.
It might sound like I'm laying it on a bit thick, but honestly, I could barely wait for that one specific day of the month when the new issue finally hits the stands at the local newsstand...

Whatever.

Every drought has its own little ways of getting by. For me, it was devouring everything they published, making every first Monday of the month—the day the new issue dropped—feel like a damn holiday.
Literally!
Man, Ursula Le Guin, Stanislav Lem, Clark, Asimov, Dick, Zelazny... wow. Just wow.
I’m not even going to get into how jealous and pathologically needy I was about keeping every single one of those specimens—honestly, I don't want to go there.

So... anyway...
After years of obsessively collecting things—and even more obsessively hoarding them—something just shifted. It was sudden, totally unprompted, and honestly? I can’t even begin to explain the change that’s taken over my soul.
It was a total, fundamental shift in how I saw everything. My whole perspective on life, how I interacted with the world around me, even just the way I processed my surroundings... it all flipped.
My entire value system just flipped upside down overnight. Everything I thought I stood for? Gone. Just... poof.

One thing that’s been gnawing at me lately—honestly, I can’t get it out of my head—is this nagging, uncomfortable feeling that this whole "burden" of mine, this obsession that kept me tethered to SF... all those heavy volumes and endless stacks of magazines that basically smelled like my own fixation, have become part of my DNA. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I actually have to deal with it... I have to resolve this.

There wasn't any logic to it... honestly. It was just this feeling... this gut instinct I had that I couldn't explain away no matter how hard I tried.

He really dug deep, forcing me to take everything I’d ever done and view it through this one specific lens... but here’s the weird part—it was almost grotesque how the "Sirius" collection just suddenly bubbled up to the surface!
At first, the whole thing seemed pretty banal... but it didn't take long to realize it wasn't quite as soulless as it looked at face value.

Honestly, just the thought of having to get rid of them sent me into a total tailspin... It felt heavy, you know? Like I was contemplating getting rid of my own kids. Just crushing my own flesh and blood.

Good grief!

It honestly hit me like a ton of bricks—this overwhelming sense of total helplessness whenever I even tried to wrap my head around the idea of just tossing that whole collection out.
All that enthusiasm, all those years I spent stockpiling what I thought was "pure joy"—it all boiled down to just fifteen kilos of paper.

Finally... one morning, this absolutely gorgeous sunny day that I know I’ll never forget—without any big drama or overthinking it—I just grabbed everything. All those copies I spent years meticulously collecting, pouring so much energy and enthusiasm into? I stuffed them all into two massive trash bags and headed straight for the Brooklyn Bridge.

I felt like a total pack mule, honestly. Just standing there, weeping inside while I lugged that massive weight across my shoulders, praying for the chance to just hurl the whole damn thing into the river and be done with it.

Why throw it in the river? Why not just burn it... or better yet, give it away, or sell it? Back then, those things actually fetched a decent price. I can't for the life of me figure out why we didn't. Honestly, I’ve never been able to wrap my head around it.

It just completely blindsided me—that sudden flash of inspiration. It was one of those "now or never" moments where a window opens and you realize if you don't jump through right this second, it’s gone forever. Like a rogue wave that hits out of nowhere; you only get one shot to ride it. Honestly? It wasn't exactly easy for me to pull the trigger, but I did it anyway.

Everything around me felt heavy, possessed this indescribable "quality"... like I was walking through a trance. Honestly, I was just reeling from the fact that I was finally doing the one thing my whole being had been fighting against. One part of me was feeding me this relentless, suffocating wave of self-pity—something I’d been struggling like hell to shake off—while the other side of me, the part that actually realized I had to drop all this dead weight, was racing toward the river. It felt like my absolute last shot at washing all that filth off my soul.

Like some mystical river is just gonna swoop in, absorb all my baggage into its current, and carry it away to some far-off delta to deposit it on a distant shore... ......................yeah, right. Give me a break.

Long story short...

When I finally made it to the bridge and walked out to the middle, looking down at the river rolling calmly below, it was time. Time to take those two heavy bags off my shoulders and just hurl them into that crystal-clear water swirling lazily against the pilings.

That was easily one of the hardest things I’ve ever done... and believe me, I’ve been through the wringer. I’ve seen it all, lived it all, put my head in the sand a hundred times over... I’ve tasted everything life has to throw at you.

The second I let go, I felt this—it's hard to even put into words—this sensation of literally shedding the weight that had been suffocating me for years. It felt like an invisible shroud was being physically ripped away, something that had been clinging to me like tar, slowing me down and draining the life out of me constantly...

Even now, I look back at that "trivial" moment—that act of "childish stupidity" that any "normal" person would have laughed their head off at... that beautiful spring morning back in the 80s—and I realize it was one of the most pivotal moments of my entire life.

It was one of the toughest, most brutal battles I've ever fought.

A split-second decision that sent my life spinning in a completely new direction, changing everything from the roots up... irreversibly.

🙂

😲😲😲 ... check out this next clip:

J. G. Bennett on Identification

Mr. Bennett was a student of Gurdjieff. In this lecture, he discusses how one must sacrifice something incredibly precious to us—a deeply ingrained identification—in order to gain self-remembering in return. He even cites a specific example involving a woman. If you're interested in diving deeper into the mechanics of self-remembering, I'd suggest leafing through some of Gurdjieff's books.
Spiritual practices in Spirituality ·
steelskipper4 said:Spiritual practice only truly yields results if it is performed consciously. Now, for anyone to actually begin acting and practicing with intention, they must possess ATTENTION, because that is the very mechanism that shifts the entire organism into a conscious state. On the flip side, the sheer strength and duration of one's attention is entirely dependent on their current energetic state; this underscores why it is absolutely vital to engage in exercises designed to accumulate energy and develop the energy centers, while simultaneously guarding against any unnecessary leakage of that vitality.

Here is a bit of advice that can be "practiced on the go," something that has personally been quite effective for me.

Repeat this daily:
"When my thoughts become overwhelming, I will direct my ATTENTION to the nearest object and feel the state of presence in the present moment."

The key here is to catch that sensation of presence within the first few seconds, as that is when the intensity of attention is at its peak, and by extension, so is that sense of the present moment (in which the organism resides in a conscious state). You shouldn't attempt to analyze, label, or interpret the object you are focusing on; it serves merely as a focal point and nothing more.

By constantly repeating this sentence, you are cleverly hijacking the mind's incessant need to chatter away and trap itself in endless "logical loops," eventually allowing this phrase to slip through the noise. Since there is an identification with the mind, the individual will mechanically act in accordance with the sentence's content, with the ultimate goal being the induction of the organism into a conscious (awake) state. The more frequently this mantra is repeated and the more significance it is assigned, the stronger it becomes, until it eventually overwhelms (read: completely crushes 😁) all other wandering thoughts in the mind.

Another technique I employ is identifying with the sensation of the present moment, as that feeling acts as an indirect realization of the true SELF. Through frequent identification with the "now," one becomes increasingly aware of those other egoistic selves—the various "me, me, me, me..." versions of the self—and their reflexive reactions.

EDIT: During those initial few seconds when you redirect your attention (when it is most intense), there occurs a "break in the flow of thought"—an absence of thought, so to speak—where you briefly enter a state of inner mental silence.

To provide some necessary context regarding what exactly one should be identifying with here, allow me to point toward this subsequent passage:

keala said:"However, if you desire, you can slip behind the role for a mere fraction of a second. As you read these pages, simply turn your attention toward the one who is reading. Instantly, you will feel that awareness which is alert, observant, uninvolved, silent, yet intensely alive; what have you actually done? You have interrupted the act of observing in order to perceive the observer. This little trick offers us a glimpse into the absolute certainty of existence, because above every observation sits an unchanging observer. That witness is the nameless agent behind every temporal event; that witness—that is you."
from Deepak Chopra's The Way of the Wizard

What we are discussing here pertains to visual attention, though it is quite easy to apply this same principle to any of the other senses—hearing, taste, smell, or touch.

By the way, keala, that was an excellent post; you hit the nail right on the head! 🙏🙏🙏 ... and, interestingly enough, many other spiritual traditions also describe consciousness as the "silent observer."
Spiritual practices in Spirituality ·
A truly superb piece regarding the essence of mindfulness.
Paññavaro’s take on the Art of Attention (translated by Ninoslav Molnar) — link
Spiritual practices in Spirituality ·
Spiritual practice only truly yields results if it is performed consciously. Now, for anyone to actually begin acting and practicing with intention, they must possess ATTENTION, because that is the very mechanism that shifts the entire organism into a conscious state. On the flip side, the sheer strength and duration of one's attention is entirely dependent on their current energetic state; this underscores why it is absolutely vital to engage in exercises designed to accumulate energy and develop the energy centers, while simultaneously guarding against any unnecessary leakage of that vitality.

Here is a bit of advice that can be "practiced on the go," something that has personally been quite effective for me.

Repeat this daily:
"When my thoughts become overwhelming, I will direct my ATTENTION to the nearest object and feel the state of presence in the present moment."

The key here is to catch that sensation of presence within the first few seconds, as that is when the intensity of attention is at its peak, and by extension, so is that sense of the present moment (in which the organism resides in a conscious state). You shouldn't attempt to analyze, label, or interpret the object you are focusing on; it serves merely as a focal point and nothing more.

By constantly repeating this sentence, you are cleverly hijacking the mind's incessant need to chatter away and trap itself in endless "logical loops," eventually allowing this phrase to slip through the noise. Since there is an identification with the mind, the individual will mechanically act in accordance with the sentence's content, with the ultimate goal being the induction of the organism into a conscious (awake) state. The more frequently this mantra is repeated and the more significance it is assigned, the stronger it becomes, until it eventually overwhelms (read: completely crushes 😁) all other wandering thoughts in the mind.

Another technique I employ is identifying with the sensation of the present moment, as that feeling acts as an indirect realization of the true SELF. Through frequent identification with the "now," one becomes increasingly aware of those other egoistic selves—the various "me, me, me, me..." versions of the self—and their reflexive reactions.

EDIT: During those initial few seconds when you redirect your attention (when it is most intense), there occurs a "break in the flow of thought"—an absence of thought, so to speak—where you briefly enter a state of inner mental silence.
Paralyzed by indecision in Psychology ·
Anonymous said:In principle, this idea about gut feelings actually makes sense, but I’ve never been the type of person to make snap judgments. Whenever a major decision comes my way, I already know I’m going to be agonizing over it for days, right up until the very last second when the deadline hits. Maybe I really should start paying more attention to that initial instinct.

Do you struggle with something similar?

Don't look at it through the lens of "speed," because that’s simply not what the quality of an initial gut feeling is about; it is inextricably linked to the USA and NOW (the present moment) and to the desires and physical needs of your body that reflect the current state of your being.

When a person "never" takes that initial instinct into account, they aren't actually allowing that sensation to develop, and such a primal feeling can be distilled down to just a few words: "yes" and "no," "I like this" and "I don't like this," "I am satisfied" and "I am not satisfied." However, once you begin to listen to it, you will start to cultivate it, and it will eventually speak to you in much more nuanced ways than it does now.

Start making decisions regarding minor things as a way to "train" yourself and get better acquainted with that primary instinct.

Keep in mind that "mental debates" and "mental imagery" can toss your emotions around, whereas, on the other hand, the conscious (external) facts perceived by your senses can also trigger feelings. You should consider the initial gut feeling that arises under the influence of those conscious facts.
Anonymous said:In principle, this idea about gut feelings actually makes sense, but I’ve never been the type of person to make snap judgments. Whenever a major decision comes my way, I already know I’m going to be agonizing over it for days, right up until the very last second when the deadline hits. Maybe I really should start paying more attention to that initial instinct.

Do you struggle with something similar?

Of course, even I find myself being indecisive sometimes, though it's usually a fleeting state. I am merely describing how I personally navigate decisions and sharing what I've observed from talking to others who consider themselves indecisive. There is always that initial spark, which almost invariably gets neglected or lost once the "mental debates" begin to take over.

If the term "initial gut feeling" feels a bit heavy for you, feel free to swap it with "choose heart," "pay attention to intuition," "don't ignore your emotions," or whatever fits—these are all characteristics of your emotional apparatus (something you were born with, unlike those "mental debates" which are acquired later in life), which is precisely why I stick to the term "initial gut feeling."

When you begin contemplating a decision, try using that information floating around in your "mental debates" as a tool to understand and act in alignment with that primary instinct. Don't disregard that initial feeling, for it is an integral part of who you are.
Paralyzed by indecision in Psychology ·
PolPot says:


I might make a decision if I happen to be tagging along with someone while they shop and I spot a shirt that catches my eye, even though I never actually intended to buy anything at all. In that scenario, the entire checklist of logic—price, genuine intent to purchase, whether I actually need it right this second—is completely bypassed; I’m simply selecting a color and calling it a day. However, the very instant I begin to actually THINK (wondering if it will pair well with the jeans and shoes I already own, or how long the summer will last so I can actually get some use out of a short-sleeved shirt...), that's when my decision-making speed hits a brick wall.

***

It is that fleeting second before my brain kicks in to weigh a dozen different criteria. That moment is incredibly brief, and compared to the heavy analytical process that launches just a heartbeat later, that initial, purely intuitive sensation—entirely devoid of conscious emotion—simply evaporates... by the end, I can't even remember what I subconsciously gravitated toward at first glance.....

***

This is more of a theoretical point....

It feels like theory to you because you aren't accounting for that "gut instinct" within the body—that visceral reaction which wants or doesn't want something regardless of your willpower, making its own executive decisions. Try listening to what your body is telling you during your next few choices; it costs you absolutely nothing, and you might see what happens. Use your brain merely to interpret what the body is feeling.

“If you make the wrong choice, your body knows it, just as anyone else's body would; but if you make the right choice, your body knows that too, and it relaxes, instantly forgetting that a choice was ever even made.”

"Price of coffee", Carlos Castaneda
Paralyzed by indecision in Psychology ·
Anonymous said:That is literally me. I wouldn't say I'm much of a reader, but if one of those books landed in my lap, I’d definitely give it a shot. My gut feeling is that these kinds of books focus more on describing the fallout rather than actually fixing the root cause.

I would actually love for you to circle back to the question from my previous post—do you believe that YOU are the one consciously making the decision, or does the thought simply fight its way to the surface on its own, leaving you to merely identify with it after the fact?

Furthermore, I have a second inquiry: do you experience that "primal sensation" within your body—that visceral gut feeling that "tells you something" when you are confronted by a situation? I am referring to that physical resonance that manifests prior to cognitive processing, which essentially "evaluates" and provides a definitive answer or direction without any conscious intellectual intervention. To illustrate my point, imagine walking into a Target with the sole intention of picking out a new T-shirt. Naturally, there will be an overwhelming array of options, necessitating a choice. Try to select a shirt based entirely on that internal bodily sensation; bypass the intellect completely. While you do this, observe the sensation itself. Is it even possible for you to make a selection using that method?

That "primal sensation" is occurring right now, in this very instant, triggered by the sense of sight and quite frequently by the sense of touch—such as feeling the texture of the fabric in our aforementioned example. In essence, the data is being harvested through immediate, conscious perception.

Once you descend into that "internal debate," thoughts—since almost no one truly possesses mastery over them—subtly and deceptively lure you into a quagmire of redundant analysis. They often manufacture an imaginary atmosphere that bears no relation to the objective, conscious reality. Eventually, you realize you have begun mentally troubleshooting problems that don't even exist. 😂

Regarding the intellectual approach to decision-making, the "internal debate" tends to disregard that "primal sensation," whereas true understanding embraces it.

Understanding is the bridge between the structural integrity of one's being and actual knowledge. That "primal sensation" is a fundamental component of that being's structure, reacting in its own unique way. As a being becomes more structurally sound, the capacity for understanding increases—one can track this growth by comparing how we view a certain principle today versus how we viewed that exact same principle five or ten years ago. The principle remains static; what has evolved is the being itself.
Paralyzed by indecision in Psychology ·
Anonymous said:Thanks, but Wikipedia just says he was a mystic. I haven't heard of him. Seems more like a theorist to me, and I need actual, practical help.🙂

Do you ever experience this sort of internal "debate" before you finally settle on a decision? It’s as if every single thought possesses its own distinct "personality," creating a mental landscape where multiple voices are vying for control—one thought is assertive, another is riddled with doubt, a third is deeply intuitive, a fourth is relentlessly questioning, the fifth is a blatant liar, the sixth is a total coward, and the seventh is perpetually offended... they all clash and manipulate one another, desperately trying to seize the throne for even five minutes. Tell me, do you truly believe that YOU made the decision, or did one particular thought simply win the skirmish, leaving you to merely identify with the victor?
This whole metaphor of warring thoughts perfectly illustrates the egoistic "me, me, me, me"—that constructed persona, the ego, which is essentially just the personality shaped by everything we’ve been fed since we were toddlers.

Picture yourself as Mowgli 🙂, coming of age in the heart of the jungle... you are living in a state of constant peril, dodging predators and hunting for sustenance, where survival often hinges on reacting in a mere fraction of a second. Such environments demand a specific, heightened level of alertness that, in turn, cultivates what > calls "essence." People forged in that manner think with their entire bodies rather than just through the intellect; they possess that primal, instinctive clarity required to navigate a crisis—a sense most people lose because they allow themselves to be drowned out by the endless chatter of their own minds.
In this context, essence represents the true self.

When an individual has developed both their essence and their social persona with equal strength, they gain the ability to act—to decide—independently of whatever random external circumstances might be thrown their way.

If you find this intriguing, you should dig into those books I mentioned.🤷

True social intelligence is, quite frankly, a form of acting. If one doesn't learn to perform and instead constantly bends to every societal expectation, that person will inevitably lose their "self," their essence. Women, in particular, tend to be masterclass performers in this regard within any social circle. 👍
Paralyzed by indecision in Psychology ·
Pol Pot, have you ever actually sat down with the works of George Ivanovich Gurdjieff? He makes the exact point you're currently wrestling with—that you feel a total lack of agency over your own existence. In fact, his whole thesis is that most people are essentially sleepwalking through life, their actions being nothing more than "mechanical" reactions triggered by random EXTERNAL circumstances, much like what you've been noticing lately. He also dives into this idea of human fragmentation, the delusion that we possess some sort of single, permanent "Self" when we really don't.

Anonymous said:I am incredibly, paralyzingly indecisive. It’s a struggle that has haunted me for years, but it really started eating me alive once I finished college.

Life was easy enough when I was just following the script—elementary school, high school, moving along like everyone else. When it came time to pick a major, I spent forever agonizing over whether to go for a technical degree or something more liberal arts, or which specific track to take. I eventually scraped by with a choice, though looking back, I feel like I've made almost every decision since then wrong.

That suffocating feeling of being unable to choose really kicked in after I got my diploma. It usually follows this exact pattern:

1. Should I join the military or look for a civilian job? One option offered a stable career path, but I had no idea if that was actually what I wanted. Looking back now, I actually kind of regret not going, but at the time, I just couldn't wrap my head around it. By the time the window for active duty closed, I ended up in a civilian role instead.— SO, IT WASN'T REALLY A CHOICE I MADE; CIRCUMSTANCES DECIDED FOR ME. Even today, I still can't tell if I made the right call.

2. Should I take a job at a small local startup or aim for a massive corporation like Amazon or Google, even if the work would be entry-level and totally unrelated to my degree? Once the deadline passed for the big corporate applications, I just defaulted to the small firm.— IN OTHER WORDS, THE EXPIRATION DATE MADE THE DECISION FOR ME.

3. Around that same time, I met an amazing girl. But instead of stepping up, I played these weird games of "hot and cold," acting like this polished, successful engineer when I was really just winging it. I couldn't make a move. By the time I finally realized how much she meant to me, she had already moved on to someone more decisive.— AGAIN, I DIDN'T MAKE A CHOICE; I JUST LET LIFE HAPPEN TO ME..

4. After joining that small firm, I quickly realized it was a shady, poorly run operation. Still, I clung to it, telling myself, "At least I'm working in my field." I was too paralyzed to decide whether to quit, so I stayed until the whole company basically collapsed.— ONCE MORE, FATE AND CIRCUMSTANCE MADE THE CALL, NOT ME.

5. I accepted the next available job offer, even though I wasn't sure about it. I kept telling myself I needed to keep leveling up and hunting for something better, but I lacked the guts to actually pull the trigger on a big career move. Maybe I was just blind, or maybe I was just waiting for the company to fail so that DESTINY COULD DECIDE MY NEXT MOVE FOR ME AGAIN.

6. I dated someone else, but I constantly pressured her with questions about whether we were "meant to be"—almost like I was trying to force her to give me the answer I couldn't find myself. We broke up, and I wasn't even sure if that was the right move. History repeated itself: while I was sitting there overthinking whether to try and win her back, she had already found someone else.— ONCE AGAIN, I LEFT IT UP TO CHANCE AND CIRCUMSTANCE.

7. A friend offered to help me transition into a new role at a different company, but I couldn't commit. It's like I lack basic common sense sometimes; I just couldn't decide. I think I was just waiting for the "perfect moment" that never comes. Well, that moment passed. When I finally called the hiring manager to ask for another week to think it over, he told me he'd already hired someone else. And honestly? Part of me felt relieved because the decision was taken out of my hands.— I HAD ONCE AGAIN SURRENDERED MY FUTURE TO SOMEONE ELSE, and technically, I should be upset about that.

8. I bought a car, but I spent the entire time wondering if I should have taken out a loan for a newer model or if buying used was the smarter play. Predictably, I ended up pulling the trigger only when the very last one at that specific price point was left on the lot. I didn't buy it because I wanted it; I bought it out of a fear of missing a deal.
>
Basically, this graveyard of missed professional opportunities is starting to choke my personal life, too. My romantic life looks just as messy because, in that arena, I haven't been able to make a single real decision, and the ones I did manage to make turned out to be total disasters.
.

X-Y. It happens when I'm just buying clothes, too. I'll try everything on and leave the sales clerk standing there in complete confusion because I can't commit to a single item. If only I were this indecisive about my wardrobe and not my entire existence.

So, what's wrong with my brain?🤷
Is it a lack of courage?
Am I just lazy?
Or maybe I'm just too picky?
Maybe I wasn't built to lead, but more like a mule that needs someone constantly barking orders at it?
Or maybe I’m actually fine and just spiraling?
Or am I just a coward who's terrified of my own shadow?

I was a top-tier student, and honestly, people in my social circle think pretty highly of me. But deep down, I’m miserable. I simply don't have a clue what my life looks like six months from now, let alone five years down the line. I’m just letting life happen to me. It feels like since I graduated, I haven't even moved an inch forward.

I overanalyze everything to death every time I have to make a choice. It’s cost me countless sleepless nights, and I still walk away feeling like I picked the wrong path every single time. I think the stress is even starting to mess with my blood pressure. I don't know how to fix this. I have zero vision and the uncertainty of the future is eating me alive.

A few times in my life, I actually made the right call and it paid off big time, but lately, that sense of reward is gone. I don't feel like I'm on the right track anymore, so I can't even commit to anything. I end up looking incompetent, even though I know deep down that isn't true.

Long story short:

I don't know. Honestly, I have no idea what would actually make me happy. I don't know what's wrong with me. I find a reason to quit in every single situation....
If I actually knew what brought me joy, I’d go after it, but right now, nothing feels worth the effort. I clearly have a broken decision-making process...
.

Does anyone have any advice? Has anyone else felt this way? Any book recommendations? What is actually going on in my head? What do I need to let go of? What should I be working on?
Is there any hope for me?

If you head over to this link, check out the "Gnosticism" folder, and you'll find these specific titles to get you started:

"view from the real world"
"Life is Real When I am Alive"
"quarter path"
"In Search of Miracles"

... and after that, if you're still hungry for more, you can wander through the rest of his bibliography. Honestly, what I've listed here is plenty to give you a starting point to recognize your own patterns in his writing.

The subsequent books will guide you toward understanding this massive anomaly that has plagued human history: the "inner monologue"—that relentless, torrential stream of thought flowing through the mind, and how devastatingly it impacts an individual who mistakenly identifies themselves as those very thoughts! Most people aren't even aware they've lost the steering wheel to the constant chatter in their heads; they just passively listen to it. Very few people actually possess the capacity for absolute mastery over their thoughts—the ability to bring that stream to a complete standstill.

Eckhart Tolle - "power of the present moment" - download
Mark R. Leary - "The Curse of the Self: Self-Awareness, Egotism, and the quality of human life" - download
Is it better to be born knowing or to learn? in Philosophy ·
Well, I have to say, you weren't exactly crystal clear there. 😛

Perhaps we could attempt to rephrase the core of your argument as follows:

1. Which holds more intrinsic value: reaching enlightenment strictly through raw, lived experience, or via pure, unadulterated theoretical contemplation?

2. Is it more worthwhile to encounter an individual who has already ascended to a specific high level of intellect, or someone who hasn't reached that peak yet but possesses the latent potential to eventually climb it?

If one were to peer a bit deeper into the mechanics of this, the true deciding factor becomes the structural integrity of a person's being, because that internal architecture is inextricably linked to both their experiences and their accumulated knowledge; essentially, the depth of one's capacity to actually GRASP what they have learned through education or felt through life depends entirely on how well-formed their inner self truly is.

That brings us to the inevitable question: what, precisely, constitutes the "structural integrity of one's being"? 😬
A bit of a weird problem in Psychology ·
Quoth:
steelskipper4 As Kyle Watson8 points out:
Even a Nobel laureate would find themselves nodding along to this particular sentiment. Hermann Hesse In his seminal work, *Wolf*, specifically within that particular passage where he touches upon... It is quite frankly a theater reserved solely for the lunatics..
I happened to stumble upon a few select passages:
Quoth:
Harry’s attempt to parse his destiny through this crude dichotomy—splitting himself into the "man" and the "wolf," the spirit versus the instinct—is nothing more than a violent simplification of reality. It is an assault on the truth, crafted solely to provide a palatable, albeit fundamentally flawed, explanation for the internal friction he believes is the root of his profound suffering. In his mind, he contains a "man"—that vast expanse of thought, emotion, and cultured, sublimated nature—and alongside it, a "wolf," representing that dark realm of raw impulse, savagery, and unrefined instinct. Even though he perceives these two spheres of his being as being locked in constant, hostile combat, there are those fleeting, blissful moments where he feels the man and the wolf might actually reach a temporary truce. But if Harry were to pause at any given second to truly weigh how much "man" versus how much "wolf" resided in every single action or emotion, his precious little theory would disintegrate instantly. No human being—not even the most primitive soul or the simplestton of an individual—is so stubbornly one-dimensional that their entire existence can be reduced to two or three primary elements. To suggest that a man as extraordinarily complex as Harry could be explained by such a binary is a hopeless, almost infantile endeavor. Harry isn't composed of two beings; he is composed of hundreds, perhaps thousands. His life doesn't oscillate between two poles like instinct and spirit, or saint and sinner; rather, it swings between a thousand different opposing forces, just as the life of any real person must.
It shouldn't come as any shock that a man as ostensibly learned and sagacious as Harry would dare to label himself a mere wolf; he truly believes that the vast, intricate tapestry of his own existence can be distilled into such a crude, primitive, and blunt little formula. It seems the human capacity for genuine, nuanced thought is tragically limited, leaving even the most sophisticated scholars to view both the world and their own souls through the distorting lens of naive, oversimplified, and utterly fraudulent equations—primarily when it comes to themselves. It appears that all humans possess this innate, almost violently triggered compulsion to perceive the "Self" as some sort of seamless, singular entity. No matter how many times reality proves this to be a grand delusion, the myth stubbornly refuses to die.
Picture a judge sitting directly across from a criminal, staring him dead in the eye, only to catch a momentary, haunting echo where the killer’s voice sounds exactly like his own—as if the judge can sense every dark impulse, every capacity for violence, and every twisted capability of the murderer residing deep within his own soul. And yet, in the very next heartbeat, he snaps back into himself; he retreats into the shell of his self-important Ego, resumes his professional persona, performs his grim duty, and sentences the killer to death. It strikes me that when those particularly gifted, delicate souls begin to glimpse their own internal multiplicity—when they, like all true geniuses, pierce through the illusion of a singular personality and feel themselves to be composed of many disparate parts, much like a bundle of different "Selves"—it is often enough for them to simply state it aloud. Once they do, however, the masses immediately shut them down, hiding behind the shield of science, which promptly diagnoses them with schizophrenia, effectively gagging these unfortunate individuals and preventing humanity from ever hearing their cry of truth. But really, why waste the breath? Why bother articulating something that is perfectly obvious to anyone who dares to think for themselves, even if it isn't socially fashionable to say it? If a single individual manages to expand the boundaries of their perceived Ego into a dual being, then they are nothing short of a genius, or at the very least, a rare and fascinating anomaly. In reality, no "Self"—not even the most naive one—is truly a whole; rather, it is a multifaceted universe, a miniature starry sky, a chaos of forms consisting of varying degrees, states, heritages, and endless possibilities. The fact that every person strives to view this chaos as a unified whole, speaking of their "Self" as if it were some simple, firmly shaped, clearly defined phenomenon, is likely just a universal deception shared by everyone—even the greats. It is perhaps a basic necessity, a fundamental requirement for survival, much like breathing or eating.
Deception relies on a rather elementary trick of transference. Physically speaking, every human being constitutes a single, cohesive unit, yet spiritually? Never. Even in poetry, even at its most refined levels, we are always dealing with the illusion of a whole—with seemingly unified personalities. Historically, scholars and connoisseurs have placed the highest value on drama, and frankly, they aren't wrong to do so; drama offers (or at least possesses the potential to offer) the grandest stage for displaying the "Self" in all its multifaceted complexity. That is, provided one doesn't fall victim to the deceptive veneer that presents every individual character in a drama as a singular, distinct entity, leading us straight into a fallacy through this very semblance of uniqueness. Naive aesthetics tend to worship what we call character drama, where every figure is clearly outlined and stands alone. It is only gradually, with some effort, that we begin to glimpse the truth: that such an aesthetic is perhaps cheap and superficial. We err when we attempt to apply those majestic, albeit unnatural, standards of beauty—concepts inherited from the ancient Greeks—to our great American dramatists; playwrights who, by starting with the visible body, essentially construct a fiction of the "Self," a myth of the unified personality. In the ancient poetic traditions of India, this concept is entirely foreign; the heroes of Indian epics aren't individual protagonists, but rather clusters of personality and a succession of incarnations. In our modern era, however, there exist poetic works where the author—perhaps quite unconsciously—attempts to peel back the veil of comedy and character to reveal the sheer multiplicity of the soul. One who wishes to perceive this must decide to view the characters not as discrete beings, but as fragments, as facets, as various aspects of a higher unity (even if that unity belongs to the poet's own soul). If one were to observe Faust through this lens, a single totality would emerge from Faust, Mephistopheles, Wagner, and the rest—a singular super-entity. Only within this higher wholeness, rather than in the isolated characters, can one catch a glimpse of the true nature of the soul. When Faust utters that famous proverb, which the philistines recite with such heavy-handed solemnity, stating, "Two souls, alas, dwell within my breast!" he momentarily forgets Mephistopheles and the myriad other souls that reside within him. Even my dear wolf believes he carries two souls within him (the wolf and the man), and that alone makes his chest feel quite crowded. The chest and the body always present a facade of unity, but the soul within them does not consist of two or five parts; it consists of countless. An onion is always composed of a hundred layers, woven from a thousand threads. This was precisely what the Eastern nations understood and mastered; they invented the exact technique of the Buddhist yogi: the unmasking of the illusion of personality. Humanity plays a cheerful and multifaceted game: for a thousand years, the Indians labored to expose the illusion, while the West spent just as much effort trying to reinforce and bolster it.
Quoth:
You’ve cast aside the spectacles of your persona, so why not step forward and take a look into a true mirror? It might just be a successful joke!
With a laugh and a series of small, playful gestures, she turned me toward a massive wall mirror. And there, I saw myself.
In a momentary blur, I caught sight of the familiar Harry, but he looked unusually buoyant, with a bright, beaming face. Yet, the instant I recognized him, he dissolved, and from his shape emerged another figure, then a third, a tenth, a twentieth... the entire vast mirror became filled with Harry or parts of Harry—countless versions of Harry that I perceived only in fleeting glimpses. Some of these many Harrys were my age, some were older, some were ancient, and others were youthful—boys, students, little rascals, and children. There were fifty-year-old Harrys scurrying about, and twenty-year-olds; thirty-year-olds and five-year-olds; some serious, some playful, some dignified, some ridiculous, some dressed impeccably and others in rags, and even some completely naked, some bald and others with long braids. All of them were me, and for a brief moment, I inhabited each one, recognizing them before they vanished, scattering everywhere—to the left, to the right, into the depths of the mirror and beyond it. One of them, a young, elegant fellow, threw himself laughing against Pablo’s chest, embracing him and wiping away tears. And another, who particularly caught my eye—a handsome youth of perhaps sixteen or seventeen, brimming with vitality—bolted down the hallway like a lightning bolt and stopped eagerly to read the inscriptions on the doors; I ran after him, and at one particular door, he paused, and I read the sign:

TOSS IN A SINGLE BILL
THEY’RE ALL YOURS!

The boy suddenly lunged upward, jamming the coins through the slot in the heavy vault door before vanishing entirely.
Pablo had vanished too, along with the mirror and, it seemed, the endless parade of Harry's various personas. I felt a sense of total liberation, as if the leash had finally snapped, and driven by a restless sort of curiosity, I began wandering from house to house: reading the various signs plastered on doors—nothing but lures and empty promises.
Getting way too soft/tolerant lately in Psychology ·
Anthony Taylor393 said:Ever heard that phrase, "I hate Black people and racists"?

One thing I've been noticing on these forums lately. I don't want to offend anyone, but it seems pretty obvious...

I've noticed that the people who go out of their way to brag about being liberal, open-minded, or tolerant often end up being the biggest chauvinists and racists.

Like, you see women who constantly talk about fighting for gender equality, but then they turn around and defend women who commit violence against men. It's like women can never be wrong, and men are just trash who are always at fault.🙄

And what about those self-proclaimed "leftists" who make excuses for communist atrocities?

I once read an atheist saying we should basically have a holocaust for all religions. But that same person will start whining the second a church official says anything about atheists.

For example, there are tons of people who say, "No, I'm not a right-winger or a racist, I just don't like Mexicans and I don't want to see a mosque in my neighborhood."

Or someone claiming to love Jews while simultaneously backing an Iranian president who’s calling for the destruction of Israel and stuff.

What do you guys think about people like that?

In my estimation, everything hinges upon which version of the "I" is currently in the driver's seat!

Primer1: One version of the "I" is neither right-wing nor bigoted, while another version of that same "I" harbors a distaste for Mexicans and objects to the presence of a mosque.

Primer2: One version of the "I" loves walls, whereas another version of the "I" offers support to the Iranian president who vows to wipe Israel off the map.

Can one truly house two (or more) distinct identities within a single person? 🙂 🤷

Read the following post to get a clearer sense of the logic behind my argument.
A bit of a weird problem in Psychology ·
lonegardener said:What should I do when I'm starting to lose my cool? 😲 🤷

Sandra Parker3 said:getting a whole new identity

Sandra Parker3 said:Honestly, it was a completely serious response. 🙂

You basically have to start everything from scratch... if you can even figure out how to apply that to a situation where you're already stuck.
An accident only counts if you actually screw up so badly that you have to start the whole thing over from scratch.

So you end up with a few different versions of your unfinished self, and honestly, that’s just a mess.

Quincy:
lonegardener Asks:
Seriously though—when someone actually undergoes a change (and I mean a deliberate choice, not just some passive thing that happens to you because life throws you a curveball), what is it *inside* us that actually drives that shift? And more importantly, can that core mechanism itself be changed?

It feels like everything just stays exactly the same to me... like, even when you're actively trying to change, that core part of you driving the transformation remains untouched. Or am I just overthinking this?
I honestly can't tell if you've genuinely mixed things up here, though there's a fair chance you actually have. 🙄

I think—and I could be wrong here—that THAT shouldn't change, though I won't actually name THAT because I have my own specific way of referring to it. 🤣

Why do you even care? Are you trying to change who you are, or are you just looking to tear everything down? (Watch out, this could get dangerous.)

Jesse Harris5 said:hmmm

So, I’m jumping in here to respond to that absolute mountain of a post from APEMANTA
.
Look, I'm not trying to argue that vanity or selfishness are actually "good"—I won't go there—but I will say this: true altruism? It just doesn't exist...

...there really are only three flavors of selfishness:
1. When you do something purely for yourself and nobody else, and you're fully aware of that fact (that's what society calls plain old "selfishness").
2. When you do something for others because you genuinely get a kick out of it (this is what people call "selflessness").
3. When you do things for others, but not actually *for* them—you do it because you feel guilty and just want to ease your own conscience. This is honestly the worst kind of selfishness, because it ends up undermining people. You end up doing things for them that they really ought to be doing for themselves to grow, so by "helping," you're actually stopping them from becoming better versions of themselves!

I've spent some time analyzing my own head lately and realized I totally see what you were getting at in your post (sorry, I can't quite tell if you're a guy or a girl from your profile right now... 😁), and I definitely notice all these different types of selfishness cycling through me depending on whatever mood I'm in.

As far as I'm concerned, there isn't any other type of selfishness out there—at least not one I've stumbled upon yet—and "selflessness" (if we're being honest with ourselves for once) is basically an illusion.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I have to tell you that this is perfectly normal. It's just how things work; that's just the way the world is, and that's just how people are built.

The only thing you can really do is keep a close eye on that third category—type 3. Just try to stay mindful of it constantly, and when you catch yourself slipping into that mode, do everything in your power to pivot back to one of the other categories. If you don't, you might accidentally stunt the growth of everyone around you.

Just remember, the only way to truly understand the world is to first understand yourself.

I'm still pretty much a novice at all this, but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize that everyone else operates on this same principle—they just lie to themselves about being perfect little saints. 😁.

By engaging in this kind of "self-analysis," you're actually on the right path to stripping away the masks and seeing who you really are, which lets you show your true self to the world too. Everyone who refuses to think about this is honestly just missing out!

Etoga, enjoy the journey!!!

Samuel Miller21 said:I find myself deeply frustrated by these reflexive behaviors of mine—those moments when I find myself entangling myself in matters that hold absolutely no purpose or significance, driven solely by a surge of narcissism or mere habit. In those moments, it feels as though I am trampling over everything I actually value in life. It is as if some temporary persona, shaped entirely by my environment and completely disconnected from my true self, takes control, causing me to speak or think things that don't matter to me in the slightest.
It weighs on me because these episodes are such a waste of time; they tend to cloud my vision, making me lose sight of all the beautiful, interesting, and exhilarating aspects of existence.
Ultimately, these impulses lead toward a dull mire of exhausted ideas that are endlessly recycled—worn out and hollow, yet always delivered with the misplaced conviction that something profound has been said. As Kundera once observed: many people, very few ideas.

To be fair, I am specifically referring to those reflexive reactions where one acts out of compulsion rather than genuine interest. Not all philosophical inquiry needs to be this way; discourse fueled by actual passion is always far more engaging and inspiring.

But what is the problem with that?
Lately, what haunts me most is the notion that we might be entirely undeterministic—that we could shift in any direction at any given moment. It isn't that I am suddenly overflowing with self-satisfaction in every aspect of my life, but rather this question: if no part of me is determined, then what am I? Am I merely a collection of characteristics that happened to coincide in time and space, and am I supposed to accept that accidental cluster as my "self"?
Just as much as the idea of absolute determinism terrifies me, so does the idea of ultimate indeterminism. Imagine if everything rested solely upon human will and choice... something so precarious, volatile, and unstable. 😲
Total indeterminism shatters my concept of an individual core. If I am defined by nothing, then I can believe in neither a purpose for my existence nor a necessity for my presence in the natural order. 🤷
Unless, of course, nature is nothing more than a statistician managing random events. 😁

Samuel Miller21 said:I find myself deeply frustrated by these reflexive behaviors of mine—those moments when I find myself entangling myself in matters that hold absolutely no purpose or significance, driven solely by a surge of narcissism or mere habit. In those moments, it feels as though I am trampling over everything I actually value in life. It is as if some temporary persona, shaped entirely by my environment and completely disconnected from my true self, takes control, causing me to speak or think things that don't matter to me in the slightest.
It weighs on me because these episodes are such a waste of time; they tend to cloud my vision, making me lose sight of all the beautiful, interesting, and exhilarating aspects of existence.
Ultimately, these impulses lead toward a dull mire of exhausted ideas that are endlessly recycled—worn out and hollow, yet always delivered with the misplaced conviction that something profound has been said. As Kundera once observed: many people, very few ideas.

To be fair, I am specifically referring to those reflexive reactions where one acts out of compulsion rather than genuine interest. Not all philosophical inquiry needs to be this way; discourse fueled by actual passion is always far more engaging and inspiring.

But what is the problem with that?
Lately, what haunts me most is the notion that we might be entirely undeterministic—that we could shift in any direction at any given moment. It isn't that I am suddenly overflowing with self-satisfaction in every aspect of my life, but rather this question: if no part of me is determined, then what am I? Am I merely a collection of characteristics that happened to coincide in time and space, and am I supposed to accept that accidental cluster as my "self"?
Just as much as the idea of absolute determinism terrifies me, so does the idea of ultimate indeterminism. Imagine if everything rested solely upon human will and choice... something so precarious, volatile, and unstable. 😲
Total indeterminism shatters my concept of an individual core. If I am defined by nothing, then I can believe in neither a purpose for my existence nor a necessity for my presence in the natural order. 🤷
Unless, of course, nature is nothing more than a statistician managing random events. 😁

An excerpt from the book In search of wonders, by Peter d. Ouspensky:
By early November 1915, I had already grasped the fundamental tenets of G.'s system regarding the human condition. The primary pillar he emphasized was the ABSENCE OF UNITY WITHIN A PERSON.
- He argued that our greatest fallacy is believing that a person remains a singular, constant entity. A person is never the same for long. They rarely maintain consistency for even half an hour; they are in a state of perpetual flux. We operate under the delusion that if a man is named John, he remains John indefinitely. That is far from the truth. One moment he is John, the next he is Peter, and a minute later he has morphed into Nicholas, Sergei, Matthew, or Simon. Yet, we persist in thinking we are dealing with the same John. You might believe John is incapable of a certain act—say, lying. Then, suddenly, you find him caught in a lie, utterly stunned that such a thing was possible. In reality, John doesn't lie; it was Nicholas who lied. When the opportunity arises, Nicholas CANNOT RESIST LYING. You would be genuinely shocked if you realized how many versions of John and Nicholas are multiplying within a single individual. If you ever learn to observe them, you won't need to go to the movies.
- I asked him, "Does this have anything to do with the consciousness of separate parts and organs within the body?" I understood the concept, as I often felt the reality of these distinct consciousnesses. I know that it isn't just isolated organs; every part of the body possesses its own functions and its own localized awareness. The right hand has one consciousness, while the left has another. Do you give that any thought?
- Not quite, G. replied. These biological consciousnesses exist, but they are essentially harmless. Each knows its place and its duty. Hands know they must work; feet know they must walk. But these characters—these Johns, Nicholases, and Peters—are a different breed entirely. Every single one of them claims the title of 'I.' They all view themselves as the protagonist, and none of them care to recognize the others. Each one acts as a dictator for a brief hour, doing exactly as they please, while the others foot the bill later. There is no order among them. Whichever one rises to power becomes the master; he lashes everyone else about indiscriminately without a second thought. Then, in the very next moment, someone else grabs the whip and strikes him. And so it continues throughout a lifetime. Imagine a country where anyone can be king for five minutes, and during those five minutes, they can wreak havoc on the entire nation at will. That is the essence of our lives.

...

When discussing evolution, one must grasp from the outset that mechanical evolution is an impossibility. Human evolution is the evolution of consciousness. And 'CONSCIOUSNESS CANNOT DEVELOP UNCONSCIOUSLY.' The evolution of a human being is the evolution of their will, and 'will' cannot develop unconsciously. Human evolution is the evolution of one's capacity to act, and 'acting' cannot be the byproduct of things simply 'happening.'

...

In nearly every conversation, G. would circle back to the lack of unity in man.
He noted that one of the most profound errors humans make—one we must internalize—is the illusion of the 'self.'
The person as we commonly understand them—the 'human-machine,' the individual who cannot truly 'act' but rather has things 'happen' to them—cannot possess a stable, unified 'I.' Their sense of self shifts as rapidly as their thoughts, emotions, and moods. They commit a massive error by assuming they are a consistent person; in reality, they are ALWAYS A DIFFERENT PERSON than they were just a moment ago.
»MAN HAS NO PERMANENT OR UNCHANGING SELF. Every thought, every mood, every desire, and every sensation proclaims 'I.' In every instance, we take it for granted that this 'I' belongs to the WHOLE, to the entire person, and that the thought, desire, or aversion is an expression of that Whole. There is actually no basis for such a claim. Every human thought and desire emerges and exists entirely independently of the Whole. Furthermore, the Whole never expresses itself, simply because it exists only as a physical entity or an abstract idea. A person does not have an individual 'I.' Instead, there exist hundreds or thousands of distinct, tiny 'I's, often completely unknown to one another, sometimes even hostile toward one another—all unique and incompatible. Every minute, every single moment, a person thinks or says 'I.' And at each of those moments, that 'I' is different. Right now, it might be a thought, then a desire, then a feeling, then a thought again, in an endless cycle. MAN IS A MULTITUDE. A person's name is a legion.«
The constant tug-of-war between those countless little "I's" within us—that frantic struggle for dominance—is actually orchestrated by nothing more than random external triggers. It’s quite absurd when you think about it. A sudden burst of warmth from the sun or a beautiful afternoon can instantly stir up one specific group of "I's," while a cold, foggy morning or a heavy downpour will summon an entirely different set of identities, triggering a completely different cascade of associations and impulses. The tragedy is that there is virtually nothing within a person capable of actually controlling these various "I's," primarily because we are blissfully unaware they even exist; most people simply drift through life riding on the coattails of whichever "I" happened to be in charge at that exact moment. Now, some of these "I's" are certainly more forceful than others, but don't mistake that for conscious strength. That power isn't earned; it’s merely a byproduct of chance or some mechanical stimulus from the outside world. Things like our education, the urge to mimic others, what we read, religious indoctrination, social hierarchies, or even the flashy allure of modern political slogans all serve to forge incredibly potent "I's" within the human psyche—identities so dominant they effectively steamroll over the weaker ones. Ultimately, this entire mosaic of "I's" that constitutes a human personality is just the end result of external pressures. A person lacks true individuality. There is no single, unified, grand "I." Instead, a human being is merely a fractured collection of many tiny, competing "I's."
And here is the kicker: every single one of those isolated little "I's" feels entitled to call itself "Jane," to act in the name of "Jane," to agree or disagree, to make promises, and to make decisions that some other "I"—or perhaps the collective "Jane"—will eventually have to deal with. This perfectly explains why people are so notoriously good at making resolutions and so spectacularly bad at following through. A person decides, with great conviction, that they will start waking up early tomorrow morning. One "I," or perhaps a small faction of "I's," made that executive decision. However, the actual physical act of getting out of bed is a task that falls to a *different* "I," one who likely has absolutely no idea the decision was ever made and certainly doesn't care to cooperate. Naturally, the person stays asleep, only to wake up in the evening and decide once again to become an early riser. In certain circumstances, this internal fragmentation can lead to devastating consequences. A minor, accidental "I" might make a promise—not to oneself, mind you, but to someone else—simply out of vanity or a fleeting sense of satisfaction. Then that "I" vanishes, leaving the rest of the person—this complex assembly of other "I's" who are entirely innocent of the crime—to pay the price for a lifetime. It is the fundamental tragedy of the human condition that any random, insignificant "I" has the authority to sign checks and issue promises, while the actual person, the "Jane" in question, is left holding the bag. Sometimes, a whole human life is nothing more than a long, weary process of settling debts incurred by these tiny, accidental "I's."
Eastern teachings often employ various allegorical metaphors to paint this picture of the human soul.
For instance, one teaching compares a human being to a large house filled with a massive staff of servants, yet there is no master and no manager in sight. The servants have completely forgotten their duties; nobody wants to perform the work they were meant to do; everyone is busy trying to play the boss, if only for a fleeting moment; and in such a state of total anarchy, the household is in constant peril. The only hope would be for a group of the more sensible servants to band together and appoint a TEMPORARY manager—essentially a DEPUTY MANAGER. This DEPUTY MANAGER could then step in, put every servant back in their proper place, and ensure everyone performs their specific role: the cook returns to the kitchen, the driver to the stables, the gardener to the garden, and so on. In this way, the "house" can be organized and prepared for the arrival of the true manager, who will ultimately prepare the estate for the Master's arrival.
This comparison between a person and a house waiting for its master appears frequently in Eastern traditions that have preserved traces of ancient wisdom, and, as far as I am aware, it echoes through various forms in numerous Gospel parables as well.

G. is the abbreviation for George Ivanovich Gurdjieff

The Nobel laureate Hermann Hesse also touches upon this theme in his book "Steppenwolf," specifically in the section where he describes a theater for lunatics.

It is truly remarkable how you managed to associate me with these particular texts. 😬
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
Donna Sullivan7 said:-are you asking because of antipsychotic meds? since they mess with metabolism, secretion, and excretion? ... in the beginning, there are issues, but after about two months, the body usually adapts and adjusts itself. a lot of drugs cause nasty side effects. for example, Moditen and Haldol can cause that stiffness (like walking like a robot), so Akineton gets prescribed to try and loosen you up, but it's not quite the same thing.
Leponex—usually has the toughest side effects like drooling, drowsiness, feeling hungry constantly, etc...

Regardless of what medication is being used. I mean, whether we are talking about life with meds or life without them.

If I might suggest, if you could strictly focus your attention on bowel movements (stool frequency) in individuals living with schizophrenia, since you have already laid out such an extensive list of other secondary adverse effects.

I am genuinely curious: is their bowel regularity consistent, say over a six-month span? During such a period, would they be every single day having regular evacuations or visiting the restroom? If not, what is the maximum duration of a period without a bowel movement? ...Let’s set the condition that these individuals (those with schizophrenia) have already fully adapted to their medications, or alternatively, you could assume they aren't taking any medication at all. Whichever scenario is more convenient for your analysis.

What really matters to me is whether anyone can provide actual statistical data regarding stool regularity in the context of schizophrenia.
Schizophrenia - General Discussion in Psychology & Therapy ·
I find myself pondering whether individuals living with schizophrenia maintain a regular digestive rhythm—specifically, if they experience daily bowel movements... please, I implore you to approach this inquiry with the utmost gravity, regardless of the fact that the etiology of severe psychiatric conditions is invariably attributed to psychological factors rather than physical aspects such as (the) lack of regular bowel movements. 🙂 ... I am not claiming to be schizophrenic myself; rather, I am simply attempting to wrap my head around a concept.