I used to do the exact same thing for a long time, but eventually, I got terrified that I was going to have a complete mental breakdown if I didn't reel it in. So, I started practicing self-control. Nowadays, when those urges hit, it’s way easier to just stop myself than it used to be... everything just had to follow a specific order. When I was counting things like that... I don't know, I'd find myself doodling little marks in my notebook, and the lack of symmetry between the left and right sides would drive me absolutely insane. I ended up counting every single little line because odd numbers were such a struggle for me... they felt "lonely," so I started coming up with all these different systems to fix that. It also drove me crazy if books weren't organized perfectly by size, alphabet, or genre. And counting steps? Yeah, that was probably the hardest part for me. I was washing myself twice a day, I couldn't stand the thought of touching someone else's remote or phone, I’d never use a hairbrush that wasn't mine, and I’d lose my mind if someone even sat on the edge of my bed... I’d disinfect all my makeup and brushes with Lysol, and I never, ever sit directly on a toilet seat, whether I'm at home or out in public... All of this was tied to depression, and as my anxiety started to settle down, the intensity of the compulsions started to fade too. I began to realize that I was doing all this because I felt like I had zero control over my internal world, so I was trying to compensate by exerting total control over bacteria and physical order. Once I realized that, I decided to stop focusing on fixing my environment and start working on myself—on my actual mental health... I wouldn't call myself a huge freak today, but there are definitely some lingering traces... I tend to overanalyze things way too much. People tell me I get lost in the weeds instead of looking at the big picture. My hygiene standards are still way above average, but I actually found a career where that works in my favor—medicine. Now, that attention to detail, sense of order, cleanliness, and perfectionism have become professional strengths... Actually, I wash my hands more often now than I did back when the disorder was hitting me a thousand times harder😂
So, what actually keeps you two together? I mean, what's THAT thing that holds the whole relationship together? What kind of qualities are we talking about here? Like, what specific traits of his are you actually drawn to?
So, I ended up at the ER yesterday because I had this swollen lymph node in my neck, and the pain started spreading down that whole side of my neck... Since it was Saturday, my regular doctor wasn't in, so I’m heading back in tomorrow. I’m wondering if anyone knows what extra tests I should ask for? I did get some blood and urine results back though... My C-Reactive Protein is at 20mg/L, while the normal range is 0-5. My white blood cell count is elevated at 11.8, whereas it should be between 3.4-9.7. My lymphocytes came back at 2.3 and 19.9%L, but the normal range is 1-3 and 25-33%. My granulocytes are high too, sitting at 8.7 and 74%G, when they should be 2.2-6.2 and 54-62%. The Mean Corpuscular Volume (MCV) is 82.2, which is slightly low compared to the 83-97fL norm. And my RDW (that measure of red blood cell size variation) is 13.5, also a bit lower than the usual 14.6-16.5%.
As for the urine work, it looks clear and yellow, pH 5.5, specific gravity 1.030—no protein, hemoglobin, or glucose showing up. However, my ketones are at 1, when they should be 0, and there were 1-2 WBCs and squamous epithelial cells in the sediment.
Oh, and they did put me on Augmentin, but they didn't do a culture and sensitivity test, or any blood or urine cultures... To give you some context, I've been dealing with a bladder infection since August of this year and it just won't quit. It's Escherichia. I've tried everything—antibiotics, cranberry supplements, gallons of uva ursi tea... all I got out of it was a yeast infection because the antibiotics totally wrecked my natural flora, but the actual infection is still hanging on. Also, I have a colonoscopy scheduled for next week because I deal with these intense cramps in my lower left abdomen (maybe descending colon?) about once a year, followed by passing out and diarrhea. Other times, it's just the cramps and diarrhea. Doctors told me it might just be stress, and this has been going on for about 7 years now. I've already had all the major tests done for my brain and heart, and those came back perfectly fine. Any thoughts??
So, she started the thread... and honestly, why not? I mean, I’m not going to grill you about it because I know that’s not how you roll, but she clearly felt the need to get the conversation moving. My question isn't meant to be an attack on you or her, either. It’s not personal. I guess I’m just curious—not really about her specific personality or anything, but more about the mechanics of it all. Like, how does a person actually function?
That’s just nonsense. You aren't "unstable"—you'd actually be unstable if you had kids and didn't want them. I guess this topic keeps coming up because most people can't wrap their heads around how someone could possibly lack that biological urge, right? Honestly, I’m genuinely curious about that part, especially seeing how things play out in my own house with my mom... 🙂
Honestly, I feel like some moms decide not to have kids just because they think "why not?" or they end up treating their children more like roommates than actual kids. Like, they might care for them because they’re rational enough to know it’s their responsibility once the baby is here, but that deep maternal instinct just isn't there. In my opinion, if you don't actually *want* to be a parent, you shouldn't do it... it’s just wild and honestly pretty messed up for the kid. I see this happen all the time, and my own mom was kind of like that. Don't get me wrong, she was totally dedicated to us when we were little, but we could always just... feel it. We felt like she didn't necessarily want *us* as people, just as her children. She used to wonder what life would be like if she hadn't had us. She never said it out loud, obviously, but you can sense it, and it’s such a heavy, lonely feeling deep down when you realize you weren't truly wanted from the start. I don't know about you guys, but I really believe instinct plays a massive role here. Personally, I don't have kids yet and I wouldn't rush into it—I want my own time and to focus on my career first (which is totally doable)—but I can already feel this pull in my gut. I know that whenever the time is right, I’m going to be completely consumed by that feeling from conception until the day I die. Even now, just looking at my partner and imagining him as a father, or seeing other babies, or even just talking about it together... that protective instinct is so strong. I'm not saying I'm the only one built for this (I definitely will be!), since being a good parent also takes organization and being able to communicate well with your kids and your partner, but still... I think most women who lack that primal drive aren't exactly great parents in other ways either. If you can't connect with a child on their level, you end up yelling or losing your cool because you don't know how else to explain things. It's just sad. Of course, I know I'm being subjective here because my instincts are definitely winning over my logic right now, but I'm totally with you on this.
Is it actually possible to be both a patriot and a cosmopolite at the same time? Or am I just overthinking it—maybe they’re basically the same thing, just that cosmopolitanism feels like a "bigger" label compared to patriotism? If that's the case, does that mean you could also be a nationalist and a cosmopolite simultaneously?🤷