Posts by Joseph Bailey41

mistylynx said:wow😵

I guess you agreed with the idea that "thoughts control a person," and since you were dealing with some pretty dark thoughts yourself, I was just wondering. 🤷

mistylynx said:I agree. I was actually just diagnosed with anxiety and depressive disorder. I went through a phase of suicidal thoughts too, which I didn't want, and I honestly thought I’d never actually act on them.
But something else actually scared me more. One day, I just had these awful nihilistic thoughts—this sense of total emptiness, like the future simply didn't exist... I won't go into too much detail.
Anyway, I completely lost it. I tried to argue with myself to push those thoughts away, telling myself, "Hey, tomorrow is Christmas, things will get better, remember who's coming over, what we'll do, watching the kids open their gifts." I was trying so hard to force my way out of that darkness. But nothing worked. It was almost like I was talking to a stranger outside of myself.
It's a terrifying feeling.
They say anxiety is basically a disorder of thought. And I suppose depression is too.
The only thing you can really do, I guess, is learn how to bridge that gap in therapy. Without any help, I don't think it's possible.

So? Did you go through with it? 🍿

Laura Castillo6 said:Working alongside Massachusetts General Hospital is the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, where you can walk in without an appointment or referral between 8 AM and 8 PM, or call them anytime, 24/7.

Suicidal thoughts aren't "normal," and they aren't the result of a brain functioning correctly. A person isn't in control of these thoughts; rather, the thoughts are in control of them. All the famous people who have taken their own lives did so because of addiction, depression, or other mental health struggles.

People who believe that thinking about suicide is normal really need to talk to someone who doesn't experience those thoughts. Even then, it's hard to convince someone struggling with suicidal ideation that it isn't just a natural function of a healthy psyche.

The difference between someone who has acted on suicide and someone who is living with constant suicidal thoughts is clearly the level of dysfunction in the brain's communication. Once that line is crossed— 🙂

I have to disagree with that.

Emily Rivera45 said:Maybe... you might be right. I'm bored because I'm not doing the things I actually want to do, but that's only because every attempt to start feels like a risk of disappointing myself or others, which leads back to feeling depressed and suicidal. When I think about it, this inactivity is just another defense mechanism; my mind protects itself from getting hurt by isolating me from the very activities that would fulfill me. I don't even know how to begin fixing any of this or how to break the cycle... I feel like I need someone to guide me, but no one has been able to help so far...
I wonder if some people are just too difficult to recover... though I'm sure certain people will just claim I'm looking for attention or being dramatic... ☕

Yes, exactly that. There's a huge part of me that doesn't want to die, but this small part takes over completely quite often...

And if you drop the generalizations, where did you even get all this from?

That is exactly how my head works. I'm glad to see someone can actually understand me... thank you for that!

The "difficult" ones are the people who have no awareness of what they're going through. You clearly do. So, what kind of things would you actually want to be doing?

Alexander Williams512 said:It all stands there.
I've dealt with people who have been through hell and back and immediately dismiss "childish problems" with a wave of the hand. Also, speaking from experience, while psychiatric help is important, it's equally vital to actually want to move forward and work on oneself. And this guy didn't seem to have any intention of doing either...
Whether this whole situation is just a product of boredom and social stagnation or a genuine issue is something we probably won't figure out through an online forum.
I think most would agree that it's better to encourage someone to try finding their own way first, rather than jumping straight to psychotherapy and medication if there's any other option.

I definitely agree. There's always a risk of medication being misused, and honestly, if a therapist hasn't fully cleared everything out with a patient, they might accidentally trigger some latent suicidal tendencies.

Laura Jones56 said:Oh my god, what a disaster, haha

Sent from my iPhone using Twitter

Honestly, this situation isn't even worth the headache. 🤷

Emily Rivera45 said:Neither, really. I’m just posting here in case a smart thought hits me, or maybe someone offers some solid advice or shares their own experience because they've been right where I am...

Look, I'm not an attention seeker—not the kind looking for pity or a spotlight—so please, keep the malicious comments to yourselves.

Especially since you never know if a nasty remark might be the final straw on a bad day, particularly when I struggle to express just how SERIOUS my situation actually is.
Back when I was seeing a therapist in the States and mentioned having suicidal thoughts, she didn't seem to see the gravity of it. She asked me the exact same condescending question as ironrider11—basically laughing it off, asking how I could still be here seeking help if I were truly suicidal. She was implying I was just looking for attention, but to me, it’s simple: I just want to get through the day and make it home safely without wanting to end it all... people just don't understand...

But I wrote back that I know exactly where it stems from. It's trauma from two or three years ago (I wasn't perfectly stable before that, but I was functional and relatively happy).
As for the trauma itself, there's nothing left to process; I've lived through it, and it has taken its toll. Its worst aftermath is that death no longer feels like an unacceptable option... it all depends on how heavy things get. And I'm just trying to find a way through that...

Why? Honestly, I don't really get what your struggle is. If death were truly unacceptable to you, that would be a bit awkward given that we all have to pass away eventually. 🤷

Are you afraid that a bad day (or perhaps a bad drug 😬) might push you toward suicide even though you don't actually want to die? 🤔

Emily Rivera45 said:Well, let's not get hung up on that part, since it isn't really the issue at hand.

I'm not sure if I explained myself clearly... for instance, a healthy person has a bad day at work, messes up, and has to take responsibility, but they aren't immediately thinking about ending it all just because life got heavy. To them, the idea of suicide would be repulsive; those are the brakes I'm talking about. For me, they aren't there. It's like my instinctual defense mechanisms against that kind of thing have just burned out...

Man, do I sound incredibly naive? I am a bit older than that stage...
I don't know if I'd call them intrusive thoughts, but then again, I'm not sure where the line is between an obsessive thought and a thought that becomes a natural part of your character through repetition, shaping how you react to things...

Listen, if you stepped out into the street tomorrow to buy a rope and happened to notice a semi-truck driver who had no intention of stopping at the crosswalk... your instincts would tell you to jump back. (Unless you were under the influence, but let's just set that aside for now. 😬)

Your survival instincts are working perfectly fine. Obsessing over suicide comes from somewhere else entirely... whether it's an idle mind, poor mental hygiene, some childhood trauma, or something else altogether, I honestly don't know. But dwelling obsessively on dark thoughts definitely isn't going to make anything better.

Emily Rivera45 said:Sometimes I feel completely depressed and lost, other times I'm totally fine, even happy... but through all those phases, one thing remains constant: I am intensely drawn to death and the thought of it.

When I'm lying in bed at night, boredom kicks in and I start wondering what being dead is actually like—just never waking up again. That idea pulls at me. It’s enough that I’d consider doing it just for the hell of it, simply because I can. It feels like something straight out of a recent episode of Black Mirror (spoiler alert before I hit enter! 🙂 Colin sits on the balcony of an apartment and calmly asks Stephen, "One of us is going to jump, who will it be?" And when Stephen says, "You," he just nonchalantly hops over the railing, says "ok, see ya," and plunges to his death.
(end spoiler)

Sometimes, when I've played around with substances a bit too much, I get this feeling that I could actually pull off that exact scenario with the right person—just jump and not care at all. My survival instinct is incredibly low...

I wasn't always like this, of course. The hardest part is trying to fight back when life knocks me down and throws me into the dark, and since I'm pretty much broken in every direction, those moments happen almost daily...

And I wonder how everything became so complicated that my head feels heavy every single day. I think it all started a few years ago when I was in a deep depression and seriously considering suicide. Back then, it terrified me; I cried because I didn't want to leave my loved ones behind. For the first time in my life, I accepted that it could be over—that my end was coming, whatever that meant. I could cry and pray and plead to God or the devil, but life is merciless and won't offer you even a finger to hold onto...
As I sat there shaking and falling apart inside, replaying it a hundred times, suicide slowly stopped being a problem and started feeling like an option... or a solution.

Today, I don't really have the mental safeguards that healthy people have regarding death. I've played out scenes of my own death in my head far too many times...

I wonder if it's ever possible to get those safeguards back... so that when I have a bad day, I don't immediately think about leaving, but instead try to distract myself or fix the situation, just like everyone else does...

It’s not the brakes you need, it's the steering wheel. And honestly, it might be a good idea to stop peeing in the gas tank. ☕

ironrider11 said:"On earth"? "Good grief"? Why wouldn't she? I mean, is that kind of stuff even meant to be shared? Maybe if you pile up too much positive energy, it just builds up inside the "media" type and turns into pure toxicity. It could actually materialize or physically warp tissues and organs right where it settled in the body.

When things fail, is the only move to just accept it—that this is just how it is right now? Maybe. Trying to force an action because you're desperate for some different reality—born from a core of "misery"—could end up being chronically tragic. You might get that alternative reality, sure, but it might show up in a form you never wanted. Watch what you wish for, right? It might actually happen.

When everything is going great and life feels smooth, you rarely stop to ask who you are, what you are, or where you even stand... You just slide through. Like a dream. Until suddenly, a concrete wall appears out of nowhere, and you slam into it full speed. If you survive, that crash is your first real lesson in having zero control over this waking dream dimension. It’s like a kid finding their footing for the first time. Moving from crawling to standing, or rising up, regardless of the trips and falls, constantly pushing to fly. And maybe you actually fly. Is that a permit you earned or just luck? Sometimes it's just random, like a housefly hitting a swatter held by some guy who's just fed up with bugs. A swatter. If that guy only knew how quality a life that fly was leading, how much emotion and love it carried inside... If he could have even considered an alternative reality while stuck in his own frustrated, "nothing is working" solipsism. He probably wouldn't have swatted it.

The different dimensions of everything are separated for a reason. Is the math behind all these interacting variables actually what life is? Grand? The fact that things go more or less as expected for me, her, or him—today, yesterday, or tomorrow—is just... well, it's worth marveling at. Or being shocked by. Depends entirely on how the observer is wired at that moment. Either way, whether they act or not, the observer always accepts. Maybe the only difference is how much they notice their own predetermined interaction with the circumstances. And whether they notice it or not might not even be up to them. When nothing works, you just do what you do. By observing, you define your "own reactions and actions to a specific stimulus." Like a stenographer, a clerk, a bureaucrat... maybe someone good at multitasking. While performing their duty or doing their job, they are simultaneously daydreaming about some alternative version of themselves. A superhero, a peacemaker, a humanitarian, an evangelist... or a supervillain, lacking a valid permit for a 44-inch stabbing device used for..............

It’s a familiar feeling... like a fly heading straight for a collision with the Hegelian Absolute. The philosophy of history. Turn it into a thick, mushy mass of recycled Absolute. 🤣 🤦 🤣

There’s also those stretches where everything just... stops. Nothing moves, nothing changes. It feels like the whole world has been frozen in cryostasis. I think I read somewhere once—maybe in a song—that even when a river is trapped under ice, it's still flowing underneath. I can't stop thinking about that lately, especially since we haven't had a proper white Christmas. Part of me wants to wish for one, but then again, I’ve never actually been much of a snow person. 🕺

ironrider11 said:Yeah, prove it then. Give us some actual, high-quality logic for once—something that won't make me lose my mind.
Or maybe don't... stick to that vague, abstract nonsense you're playing with.

Can you actually scale up (significantly)?
Like, what, hit a hundred inches?

Why on earth would I ever do that? 🤔 😵

But enough about things that don't matter... what do you do when you're stuck on something? Like, trying to grow your junk, for example. 😁

Jose Ward4 said:Oh, please. Like, what even *are* your superpowers, anyway? You, who hasn't washed your feet in years. At least, that's what you claimed once. I'm just quoting you!

Everything. 🙂

Jose Ward4 said:Man, I don't get why you women worry so much. It’s constant. Seriously, what is going on in your heads? You’re all caught up in judgment, stigma, and obsessing over things that aren't even yours to carry—just worrying about what everyone else thinks. It’s exhausting. Why can’t you just let go and say, "Honestly, I don't give a damn, I'm doing what I want"? I remember my first serious girlfriend back in college; she was so preoccupied with social optics that we couldn't even enjoy a simple dinner without her checking if anyone was looking. It makes a relationship impossible. That's why I usually lean toward older women, maybe 35 and up. They tend to be more grounded, more self-aware, and they don't sweat the small stuff as much. Of course, there are exceptions. I've met plenty of 40-year-olds who are still stuck in that same immature mindset, just like some guys.

Wait... really? 🤔

So, what you're saying is we're screwed because we have these incredible strengths, but we aren't allowed to use them just in case we accidentally step on someone more vulnerable than us. 🙂

restlessowl25 said:I have to admit, my phrasing there was rather clumsy. My apologies! 👎

It’s not really you, though—it’s the people feeding you that nonsense. They remind me of those guys who used to come up to me with lines like, "Women are just airheads... but you're different, blah, blah." I could never tell if they were actually trying to be provocative or if some people just speak before they think. 🙄

Ryan Lee89 said:Alright, looks like Elsa has a little message for you 🙂 LET IT GOOOO

Classic Elsa. 🙂

restlessowl25 said:My niece doesn't live in America; she lives in a country where xenophobia is extremely pronounced.

It’s relevant because I feel a sense of hopelessness when I encounter these attitudes here in the US as well. While it hasn't been quite as blatant as what my niece experiences, I've faced it enough throughout my life to leave me in a headspace I wouldn't wish on anyone.
It isn't always about overt discrimination; sometimes it's a more insidious approach.

For example: someone makes a derogatory comment about a specific minority group—a group I belong to—and then follows it up by saying it has nothing to do with me. It’s that classic American trope: "They're all just dirty outsiders," and so on.

That is honestly just nasty. I'm really at a loss for what advice I could even give you. 😢

Peter Murphy6 said:I literally caught the scent of leather 🕺
Goats actually smell pretty good 🐔

Nothing smart to add here, sorry 🙂

Well, you read it exactly as it was written. 😁

To me, goats have a bit of an odor, but I absolutely love goat milk.

As far as people go, I find those who don't wash themselves or their clothes to be the ones who smell, as well as people who overdo it with perfume, aftershave, or deodorant. Skin color has absolutely nothing to do with it for me. Even though I'm super sensitive to scents, I've never made that connection. A friend of mine adopted a dark-skinned child, and they just smell like... a kid. 🤷

Alex Robinson5 said:I’m looking for some objective perspective on my "problem" because I’m honestly losing my mind here—I can’t seem to see the situation clearly anymore.

To make a long story short... For the last few years, I've been chasing one specific goal. It’s become the backbone of my life—my North Star, really. The issue is that every single time I get close to actually pulling it off, something massive hits the brakes and sends me right back to square one. Every. Single. Time. Just as I’m within reach, some absolute disaster strikes and completely derails my plans.
I just don't understand what the hell is going on or how I'm supposed to handle this.
Look, I’m not someone who buys into cosmic signs or destiny, but I'm at a loss for how to interpret all this. My latest setback happened today, and frankly, I’ve decided to throw in the towel and walk away from it all. The whole thing has started feeling absurd—especially considering these obstacles have already cost me a great career and a significant amount of money.
I should point out that every single one of these disasters was entirely out of my hands—there wasn't a thing I could have done to prevent them. Just bad luck, I guess. Or is it?
I feel like something is screaming at me: Just quit already, because this isn't going to lead anywhere good. How many more disasters do you need to go through before you finally get the hint? Like I said, I'm losing my grip on reality.

Has anyone else ever dealt with something like this?

The moment you actually reach a goal, it stops being your "North Star" or the center of your world; it just becomes another item checked off a list. That initial rush of excitement and happiness fades pretty fast, and then you have to go find a new purpose.

So... if you truly mean it when you say you're giving up (and I'm not talking about just wanting someone to talk you out of it), then you're actually in the same position as if you had already achieved the goal—which is, effectively, nowhere. The things you lost along the way (the money, the job) probably didn't feel like the most important things while you were hyper-focused on "the goal." So why would they matter so much to you now?

Rebecca Carter8 said:That was the advice Dritokonj was always handing out. From what I can see, the strategy didn't exactly yield much of a return for him. 😬

What happened to him? Is he even still around? 😬

Peter Murphy6 said:They’re actually getting a kick out of the shame and the disgust, not the booze. It’s all part of a defense mechanism—turning the "negative" into something "positive" just to run away from themselves.

Clearly, you don't know much about how people actually tick.

I agree. Much like any other addiction or compulsion, the goal is to reshape how you perceive external (past) circumstances when changing the actual events is already "impossible."

But hey, alcoholics can be pretty funny sometimes, so, Rebecca Carter8... maybe you should consider taking up drinking? 😈