jadetinker85 said:Hey, something relevant to the topic here: http://sites.google.com/site/stjepan...ntalnozdravlje
Thanks for the link, though all the author does is list guidelines you're supposed to follow or track a kid's development against.
The core issue—as much as I hate to sound harsh—is that nowadays, anyone can just decide they’re a parent, and society treats it like it's perfectly fine. We've got irresponsible, immature parents everywhere you look. And I'm not talking about age groups here.
I'm dropping a snippet from a book I'm reading right now—titled "Sins of the Father." (I don't think taking this out of context will mess up the meaning.)
You can't claim there's any actual parental discipline in homes with kids this unruly. Most likely, these kids were constantly punished growing up—slapped, hit, maybe even beaten for the smallest bit of disobedience. But that kind of "discipline" is worthless. It’s just undisciplined discipline.
They're irrelevant because they lack discipline themselves, setting a terrible example for their kids. Their whole motto is basically: "Do what I say, not what I do." They’ll get wasted and start brawling right in front of their children, showing zero dignity or restraint. They can be shallow too, making promises they have no intention of keeping. Their lives are usually a total mess, so any attempt to force order onto their kids is just a joke. If a father is constantly hitting the mother, why should a boy care when his mother hits him for hitting his sister? Where's the logic in telling him to control his temper? Since we can't really compare anyone else to them when we're young, parents seem like gods to us. When they do things a certain way, kids just assume that's the only right way to live.
If a kid watches their parents act with discipline, restraint, and dignity—actually getting their lives together—they’ll feel that right down in their bones. That's how life is supposed to be. But if they see parents living without any self-control or discipline every single day? Then they'll think that chaos is the only way to live.
Love matters more than any textbook example. You can have a total mess of a house and still have love present, which can actually turn out disciplined kids. On the flip side, you've got those doctors and lawyers—people living these perfectly curated, organized lives—who lack any warmth or affection. They end up sending their kids out into the world just as disorganized and destructive as anyone raised in a chaotic, low-income household.
Love changes everything. When you actually care about something, it becomes worth your time—you invest in it, you nurture it, you live it. Look at a teenager obsessed with their first Ford Mustang; they’ll spend endless hours just staring at it, polishing the chrome, or tinkering under the hood. Or watch an old man tending his rose garden in suburban Ohio, spending entire afternoons weeding, digging, and obsessing over every petal. It’s the same with our kids. We're supposed to admire them and give them our full attention. Real discipline takes time. If we aren't giving our kids enough time—maybe more than we'd like to admit—we miss those subtle cues when they're quietly reaching out for guidance. Sometimes, when their need for discipline is staring us right in the face, we just ignore it because we're exhausted. We tell ourselves, "I don't have the energy for this today." Other times, we're so frustrated by their antics that we snap. We react out of pure anger rather than intention, failing to actually look at the problem or take a second to figure out what kind of discipline they actually need.