Posts by Douglas Brown4

Andrew Stewart2 said:Come on, man, don't be like that... she can be totally mature for being twenty, you know? She doesn't have to act like someone ten years older than her. If she's acting her age and doing her thing, we should still respect her when we talk to her... seriously.

And honestly? We're probably never gonna be mature enough or wise enough to handle this kind of stuff anyway... 🙂

I won't get into the whole respect debate. I'm just saying she might not be ready for love yet.

Patrick Sullivan3 said:Here’s a little glimpse into what I’ve been processing, hoping to connect with anyone who might have walked a similar path:

I’m in a relationship that just can't seem to find its footing. When we're together, I feel this constant sense of unrest—this underlying anxiety where I’m afraid to truly open up, feeling nervous or even pulling away right when I need him most. I constantly worry that I’m being too much for him, even though he’s never actually said so 😉. There’s this strange sense of relief whenever we finally part ways until the next time we meet. Right now, we’re apart again. He’s acting cold, and while it hurts because I love him, I honestly feel an incredible sense of peace. I can finally breathe. Why is it that I feel such relief while the person I love is completely falling apart? Without the pressure of being with him, I feel like my old self again—interesting, engaging, and at ease. Is this just our subconscious trying to protect us, nudging us toward a different, more authentic path? Is my higher self gently telling me that this person needs to leave my heart and mind for good because they aren't meant to stay? Thanks for listening!

Is anyone else here going through something similar? 🙂

That state can be described in just one word: immaturity.
It doesn't matter. Time will heal this. You will mature and learn how to truly love.

Christian Johnson53 said:Given the scriptural teaching that no one comes to me (God) except through my son (Jesus Christ), I find myself wondering what becomes of the souls who never placed their faith in Christ? Furthermore, is it even possible for a spirit to reach God at all without that connection?
hi

Christ spoke in such a way that if you follow Him—meaning, if you act as He did—you will see God.
What is the most vital part of that?
Avoid being arrogant, and don't become a slave to the world, the masses, or your own vices and passions. If you do that, it's possible. But if you are enslaved to all those things, it creates so much mental noise that you won't hear God even if He were shouting in your ear.
In short: you have to decide whether you care about the world or God. Those people living reckless lives on the wrong paths... they simply don't see God.
If they finally do see Him, it means they have truly hit rock bottom and are completely lost. You see, God reveals Himself to people like that, but only when they reach their absolute lowest point. That's because, at that stage, worldly pleasure isn't a pleasure anymore; it's just suffering. That is when the Savior appears.

Anthony Sanders53 said:I don't really get it... how can she be mad if she doesn't even know what happened?

I guess it isn't about knowing things. Maybe she's just upset because I'm turning her down, since I have a girlfriend. In my experience, people usually know what's going on. That’s probably why I deal with some resentment; I tend to see right through people, almost like a mirror reflecting their own mess back at them.

Anthony Sanders53 said:How do you guys see this situation:

So, imagine you're in a relationship with this girl who’s still incredibly attractive to you. You're really attached to her, and she feels the same way about you. She honestly impresses you—she's smart, sharp, and just a genuinely good person who's always looking out for you and everyone else... Then, you cross paths with this other woman. She’s married, but there's this undeniable chemistry between you two. She already knows you're in a relationship, but she goes ahead and asks you out on a date anyway... Do you go? Or do you stay put and deal with the regret? Maybe you don't go and feel fine, or you go and end up feeling terrible? As for me, I'm not going, but I am feeling the regret, and I guess I just feel guilty for even feeling that way.

I wouldn't go, and I wouldn't regret it. I guess I'd just explain the situation clearly so she doesn't take it personally.

brighteagle39 said:I think you hit the nail on the head.
Someone once told me that if you run out of gas halfway up a mountain road, you can stare at the summit all you want, but it won't get you there. You have to be willing to hike back down to the nearest Shell station, walk back to your car, and solve the problem. Once you do that, the summit is finally within reach.

Of course. Every problem has a solution. It’s just that some solutions might require more time than we actually have left in our lives.
Sure, you could trek 60 miles to the nearest Shell station, beg someone to haul 50 gallons of diesel out to your truck (unless you plan on carrying it yourself?), and then somehow winch the whole rig up the incline. If you really wanted to.

Theoretically, I guess you could even try using a hand jack to inch it up, bit by bit.

Sandra Thompson3 said:You're right, I guess. At the end of the day, it's my call.

It isn't just you. Both sides are asking questions.

Sandra Thompson3 said:So what exactly am I deciding, No123? Everything? I guess I've decided everything and I'm still deciding everything else too. My ass. The only thing I can actually decide is who I'm going to sleep with.

I guess you can't even decide that. Maybe the other person wonders the same thing. Period.

Donna Campbell6 said:Honestly, making the call isn't even the hard part. Getting the ball rolling? That's easy too. It’s the staying power that gets you...😬

That's true. People call it willpower or persistence, or maybe something else.
I guess even smokers, heavy drinkers, or people struggling with addiction often decide they want to quit. But... it doesn't always work out for them. Even when the circumstances aren't the issue, they still can't seem to break through that internal barrier.

wiredrider2 said:I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people claim that achieving anything in life—whether you’re aiming to drop some weight, kick the smoking habit, or climb the corporate ladder to become the CEO of a major firm like JPMorgan Chase—is strictly a matter of willpower and making a choice.

Honestly, it used to sound incredibly naive to me, but as I get older, I find myself nodding along because it feels more true every single day! I’m curious, what’s your take on all this?

It really feels like if we didn't succeed at something, it's just because we never truly committed to the decision in the first place, which basically means we never actually gave it our all. If you had made a real, firm decision, wouldn't you have fully embraced the challenge and actually followed through?

The reason I'm even bringing this up is that I’ve been reflecting on how much more decisive I was when I was a kid, and looking back, those results were so much better! Now, I feel like I'm entering a phase where I realize so much of my life depends entirely on whether or not I simply decide to make it happen.

I am just so tired of all the constant complaining—you know, the "I can't do this" or "I can't stick to my diet" excuses... honestly, you can do anything! It all just comes down to whether you're willing to sacrifice one thing to gain another, right?

I don't think that is quite right. There are certain realities that, while not insurmountable obstacles, can significantly ease or hinder someone's ability to follow through on a decision. Besides, nobody is perfect, and no one possesses the maximum level of willpower required to stay focused until they become a bank CEO.
I achieved my own success thanks to specific circumstances and curiosity. Because of that, I messed up many other things. That is just how it goes, I guess. It wasn't really my decision at all.

It feels to me like if you didn't succeed, you never actually made a serious decision, which means you didn't truly put in the effort. If you had made a serious decision, you would have seriously committed to it, wouldn't you? And probably realized it too?

Maybe I simply didn't have the strength to make it happen? You can try to wish a semi-truck to the top of a mountain pass, but if you are out of gas, you are out of luck.

The reason I am bringing this up now is that it feels like I had much more determination (and therefore better results) when I was a child. Now, I am entering a phase where it feels like a huge amount of things depend solely on whether I decide to do them or not.

I am tired of all this whining: I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't stick to a diet, blah blah... you can do anything! You just have to sacrifice something to get something else. Right?

Do you want us to validate your opinion? You seem somewhat insecure to me.
Well, it is fine by me. Insecurity is human, and I find discrimination based on that—something women tend to do to each other—particularly distasteful, and I hold people accountable for it.
So, it is all fine. Just move forward.

restlessmarlin6 said:But honestly, it's pretty much a given now that women reject guys way more often than men reject them. 😉
And why is that? Because they can. 🤣
Even the ones who aren't exactly models... 😁

Why do you think they can? Also, I suppose less attractive people do this even more, maybe as a way to compensate for their lack of popularity. Unfortunately, they end up looking for friendship instead. But they can't get that from guys since they've already been rejected. So everyone ends up frustrated. I think playing rejection games just hurts the person doing the rejecting in the long run.

vividpanther46 said:Well, at least I still have my teeth.😬 vividpanther46😉 (just kidding, obviously) 🙂 )

Honestly, I haven't the slightest clue if I'm attractive or not. 😕 How do you actually figure that out? Or am I even attractive to begin with? I’m being serious here. I’ve had boyfriends and everything, but I can never count on a guy actually making a move on me first.😳 I guess I'm just not attractive after all.🙄 I’m probably a disaster.😛

Maybe you're just too intimidating for guys to approach, or maybe you're just hanging out in places where men aren't the type to make a move.
As for whether you're pretty?
Don't judge your looks based on how many guys approach you, but rather by how many reject you.
I guess about 90% of girls rejected me, so based on those stats, I'd say I'm not handsome. But then again, I know a guy who gets accepted by 99% of women, yet he has a really bad track record because his relationships never last; they're strictly just for hookups. I tend to maintain my connections, and there are very few women I've been with who don't want to see me again. Who knows which way is better, but I suppose there are easier ways to find casual sex... personally, I prefer having a girlfriend for actual companionship, trips, walks, and things like that, rather than just something for a quick fling.

Brian Parker6 said:Look, I’m just saying—I pointed out someone who most people would call ugly or off-putting, but to me? They’re attractive. A lot of those "conventionally beautiful" types don't even register on my radar. 😉

I guess I personally find Gerard Depardieu to be charming. His face doesn't matter much, and his nose is definitely unconventional, but he has that presence—he's a big guy, at least in his movies.
Then there's Dustin Hoffman, whom women seem to absolutely adore, right?

vividpanther46 said:A few years back, I came across a study suggesting that infants and young children are naturally drawn to more attractive people.
Even though I wouldn't exactly call myself a beauty—though I'd argue my intellect more than makes up for it 😬 😛—kids and babies seem perfectly fine with me, even if I haven't quite mastered the art of interacting with them 😕.

That said, I've come to realize that a simple smile can open quite a few doors 🙂 Unfortunately, it’s taken me this long to actually start putting that to use 😛

That kind of stuff is probably written by American sociologists and psychologists who don't have a clue about how things actually work outside of their surveys, statistics, and "samples."
First off, I think kids don't care about beauty; they care about pleasantness. They can tell when someone is genuinely kind and loving, and they tend to dislike those cold types who are way too serious or preoccupied with things outside of the child's world.
They're actually quite perceptive; they'll even like those detached types, provided the person has a good heart.
Usually, they don't go for the "beauties" because they sense selfishness or arrogance there.

For instance, I remember being very young, maybe under five. I definitely wasn't noticing looks—I didn't really care what anyone looked like—but I was very interested in how they treated me.

But, I've realized that a smile opens a lot of doors 🙂 Unfortunately, I only started using that to my advantage recently 😛

True, a smile is important, but it shouldn't be fake. Even if someone doesn't have teeth, a smile can still be charming.

And yeah, kids absolutely adore me, and I'm certainly no model, nor do I smile all the time.

Brian Parker6 said:Nice way to frame a compliment—so they're "idiots" just because they didn't fall for you in person? If it's about being in the same room, then looks aren't even the main issue anymore, right?

No, it's because I don't actually know those idiots. I haven't met any of them in real life. Why are you blaming me for something that has nothing to do with me?
I am talking about the criteria people use to find someone attractive. Personally, I have nothing to do with that.

restlesshound27 said:Beauty is super fleeting. Like, first off, 90% or more of what we see doesn't even hit that "ideal" standard shown in the media... it’s all just industry, ads, and massiveeee big business.
And from my experience, honestly? What’s going on inside your head matters way more than looks in every single part of life. Sure, people notice how you look and you might get more attention or some random advances, but if you’re a total mess—or just plain dumb—you aren't gonna get very far... Same goes if you're just average or even unattractive. I'm not talking about extreme outliers here, just regular folks. If you're smart and have your head on straight, you can have a beautiful, really great life... It's all internal, trust me. It's about who you are as a person, whether you're being true to yourself, accepting who you are, and if you're putting out those good vibes..

I know someone who isn't centered at all. He’s clearly unhinged in a negative way—obsessed with racism, talks nonsense, yet women fall for him just because he’s tall (and nothing else).
So, if you want proof... there are at least ten of them over on the spirituality forum. Maybe ask them what they see in him, because honestly, there's nothing going on inside his head or his soul.

Steven Anderson13 said:Looking back at the peak of my youth and beauty, the thing that sticks out most vividly is how lonely I actually felt.
Girls wouldn't really hang out with me, and guys were too intimidated to even approach me—though later on, someone pointed out it was probably just because I was considered attractive.

Now that I've moved past being the "prettiest girl in town," honestly, connecting with people has become so much easier.
I also never really struggled with that whole "pretty but dim" stereotype, for what it's worth.

As for whether being good-looking actually gives you an edge in life, I have to admit that I did land one specific job simply because I was more conventionally attractive than the other applicants.

Yes. And when I actually got a job based on my skills—where they weren't even looking at my looks, just what I could do—I heard this later.
A girl from the desk over at our firm asked another coworker:

A: "Does he even know what he's doing?"
B: "He's... actually really good at it."
A: "Really? You wouldn't think so by looking at him."

There you go. And I am genuinely excellent at my job, while she is, let's say, a bit of a fool. Prejudices, pure prejudices...
Then it hits them like a ton of bricks once they realize how badly they messed up. The worst part is when resentment kicks in because they realize the guy they looked down on is actually better at his job, earns more, is smarter, and maybe even healthier than they are.
So they have to invent excuses to justify their own bad decision.

My favorite type are the women who put some handsome guy they like at the center of the universe. Then, when he doesn't turn out to be quite as capable, sensitive, or smart as they hoped compared to someone else nearby—someone who wasn't their "favorite"—you see how hard they try to discredit that other person just to keep their idol on top.

It varies. Beauty can be a curse. Personally, I guess I'm happy I'm not a knockout. At least I know that if someone loves me, they aren't doing it just so they can show me off to their friends as some kind of status symbol. I also try not to flaunt my money too much. Usually, those same women leave, and then it hits them like lightning when they realize what they missed out on.

Female intuition? I have at least a hundred examples proving that is a complete myth. Intuition is useful at most for picking out tomatoes or apples at a farmer's market. Everything else is just nonsense.

Charles Grant7 said:I honestly have such a soft spot for this kind of nonsense. You only think he’s attractive because you’ve spent years watching him play those specific characters on screen; you're falling for the persona, not the actual man.

I've also been attracted to plenty of idiots in photos before. It’s different in person. I doubt she'd even fall for Gerard if she saw him face to face without knowing who he was.

Brian Parker6 said:"Unattractive" looks? If you’ve got charisma, who cares. You could probably pull some strings by cleaning up your act a bit—maybe play around with your style or grab a better haircut. I bet it’d make a difference. Then again, if you don't give a damn, that's on you, though a few little tricks might help. The real key is just owning it. Convincing yourself you're the man matters way more than worrying about what your partner thinks of your face. Just don't turn into a total narcissist about it.
Take Gerard Depardieu, for instance. He’s gorgeous because he’s imperfect. Total sex symbol to me. 😍

So, we're supposed to just put up these facades? And then later on, a woman like that complains she only attracts liars? Well, maybe that’s exactly what she’s looking for: someone to lie to her.
I suppose a lot of things can be fixed, but you have to maintain them constantly. See, the truth is always just the truth; it doesn't require maintenance. A lie, though—you always have to feed it. It seems too expensive to me, both in terms of time and money, and I guess you just end up with someone shallow and arrogant in the end.

briskowl85 said:Oh, that’s definitely a possibility. But I still can't shake the feeling that there’s this weird bias against people who are conventionally attractive. For instance, whenever I do my work on the radio, I get these callers who basically tell me they expected me to look way different—like, much less polished or heavier—than they imagined based on my voice. It's wild.😕

Look. That happens to you. What can I say in the reverse scenario?
I’m messaging this woman, and she’s flooding me with texts, absolutely loves me. She says I’m getting under her skin. We share the same interests.
I even told her that if we met, she shouldn't expect too much—that I'm not some tall, dark, and handsome guy, just a short blond. She said she wasn't expecting anything special and that it didn't matter to her.
She asks about my expectations. So, I tell her the only thing I don't expect is to have a female friend to whom I am not physically attractive. I told her there was no way I would agree to that.
Everything seems fine. She keeps insisting.
We meet up. At 8 in the morning, she sends me a message saying there wasn't a spark, even though she had a really great time talking about all sorts of things. Then she goes silent. Nothing. Naturally, I told her goodbye immediately. And she was exactly my type.
I’ve had experiences like this before. When I didn't say goodbye right away, the relationship would just cool off, making it harder to stay in touch until everything suddenly stopped.

You see, it's people like me—those who aren't considered desirable—who suffer these disappointments. You can fascinate someone however much you want, even sincerely, without lying or bluffing, but if they don't see the physical component, everything else falls apart. That's why I say people are superficial and that looks are the only thing that matters. Everything else is just seasoning. It really should be the other way around.

Regarding that business about being uglier or heavier, that’s a very clumsy way to phrase a compliment. They want to tell you that you're pretty as well as smart. I guess I don't know why it bothers you so much. Personally, I would gladly trade intelligence for beauty. And please don't take this post as an expression of frustration. Sure, it hurt me deeply, and I won't ever let anyone do that to me again, but not enough to shake my self-confidence.