Jerry Robinson56 said:As long as you can walk steadily on your own two feet, or can still see and hear... what is the actual "problem"? Competing in some discipline just for the sake of ego or vanity... I have been there.
He has realized he is merely human, and that realization has crushed him... he has learned that the mind is often stronger than the body.
Let him take this as a lesson: the only thing that matters now is being a good partner to you and, eventually, to your future family.
Many people see their plans, or even their entire lives, fall apart, yet they move forward. Often multiple times. 😁 Unfortunately, on that journey, one side frequently consumes the other due to a messy entanglement of guilt and helplessness—especially when realizing how much time was lost pursuing a misguided path, even when one believed it was for a higher purpose.
I have made enough mistakes to have lived at least six lifetimes... and I am still in good shape.
Believe me, health is paramount, and there is absolutely no shame in walking away. Rugby? A ligament tear or a strain is one thing, but a shoulder is certainly better than a knee. 😁
A lifelong dream is merely the path toward a goal, whereas the true victory lies in conquering the goal itself, however strange that may sound...

Betty Fowler you hit the nail on the head; engaging in dialogue with intelligent people is immensely helpful...

His fear is tied directly to his health. Since his wellbeing is his top priority, he’s terrified of doing anything until he is 100% recovered. I totally get where he's coming from, and I feel for him, but I also know I have to stay grounded and keep living my life. Moping around won't solve anything. It’s actually a blessing that sports aren't his entire identity; he has two other major pillars to lean on: his family and his career (and the business goals he's working toward). Whatever happened, happened. He won't compete now, but in a year or two, he'll be ready for another tournament or match. That's just how it goes. With Lacrosse, he tore two ligaments, had two titanium plates inserted, and a fracture (or maybe two 🤔 I can't quite remember), and it'll take about three months just to get his shoulder functioning again—plus a few more months to regain full strength. At least his left hand is fine, and he's right-handed.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Fears like that can be contagious. I’d suggest trying to keep some emotional distance from the whole thing. Just look out for yourself.

It's not fear, it's just concern—worrying that he might spiral into depression or that I won't be able to help him enough. But worrying is natural, at least when it comes to the people you love. At least, that's how I see it. 🤷

Betty Fowler said:Sure, but compassion isn't really that complex an emotion. With compassion, we aren't mimicking someone else's lack of purpose; we’re simply reacting to the resulting feeling—sadness.
Yeah, sadness can be contagious—especially when it’s someone you care about. But just because you catch their mood doesn't mean you have to own their reasons for feeling that way.

🙂

I think this hits home. Look, I’m not a sociopath or anything—I actually feel for him—but that doesn't mean I'm sitting here crushed and devastated by everything. Maybe a little bit? Honestly, part of it is just the feeling that I sacrificed a lot to help reach that goal. And I don't mean I was being a martyr; it's more that I spent so much time alone. There were plenty of holidays or big milestones where I really wished he could have been there, you know? But at the end of the day, I still have my own life, and it makes no sense for my entire world to fall apart just because of his situation. If I'm being totally honest, the hardest part has been the guilt. Like, while he was stuck in the hospital, I went out for coffee with my girlfriends and actually had a good time. I hated the idea of him feeling like I was rubbing my life in his face. Luckily, he doesn't see it that way, and he's being just as understanding of me as I am of him.

Joseph Bailey41 said:I don't think this is really about sadness, though—it feels more like fear. And honestly, that’s a tough spot to be in, especially if it’s reached the point where he's lost his will to keep going. It’s awkward. He basically has to decide whether he's going to man up and stick with his sport or just sit around mourning the opportunities he thinks he's lost. Until he makes that choice, there isn't much she can do to help. Anything she says might come off as pushy, which usually leads to him pushing back, and before you know it, the whole thing turns toxic. That's why I suggested she try to create some emotional distance and give him space to figure out his own next move.

That’s exactly why I’m trying to be so careful about how I word things and weigh every situation. Until he truly gets his head straight and makes sense of everything he's feeling, there's a real risk that anything I say could be totally misinterpreted. Because of that, I’m focusing on being there for him—offering all the emotional and physical support I can—without pushing him too hard. I’m only reaching out here because I want to figure out the best way to handle things and navigate this relationship more effectively.

Looking back at all the advice I've received, if I had to boil it down to one big takeaway, it’s this: the best thing I can do is just be there for him. I need to offer support and show I care without being overbearing or pushing too hard. It’s perfectly okay for him to feel a bit down or worried right now, but I can't let his struggle—or our shared stress—drag us both into a deep depression. This is just a temporary setback. We're still young, and we have our whole lives ahead of us. 😁

P.S. Seriously, thanks everyone. I’ve never dealt with anything like this before, and honestly, I was just flying blind.

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Crazy Talk Thread in Psychology · Apr 21, 2018

Betty Fowler said:cd-doll, the best thing you can do right now is offer him support, but you can't force his sense of purpose or manufacture his willpower for him.
Sure, his lifelong dream just went up in smoke. It’s true, and there isn't much to be done about that. But his life isn't over. It might feel that way to some, but he could have faced much worse. And no, all those hours of training and staying in shape weren't for nothing; he still walks away with his health, his skills, and his friends.
Given that this has only been going on for a few days, I think you might be overreacting a bit. Honestly, his reaction isn't surprising at all.

That's true. I'm doing everything in my power to help him without pushing too hard. Some of his buddies (and teammates) stopped by today, and seeing them really lifted his spirits—it clearly gave him a much-needed boost. My biggest struggle right now is that I can't fix the fear he's feeling. He's terrified of getting injured again, which is totally understandable. Anyway, thanks for the perspective. I'll just focus on being his rock and helping however I can. Health comes first; we'll figure out the rest later. 😁👍

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Crazy Talk Thread in Psychology · Apr 20, 2018

I’m not entirely sure if this is the right place for this, and I’m having a hard time navigating this PDF to find the right search terms, but I’m dealing with a situation and really need some advice. I’ve tried looking things up online, but nothing has really hit home. My boyfriend is an athlete, and his absolute dream was to compete in the World Championships this year. But out of nowhere, just a few days ago, he suffered a shoulder dislocation—basically, his collarbone popped out of the socket—and he had to go under the knife. It looks like he’s going to miss the championships, which means all the grueling training, time, and money he poured into this might just go down the drain. Beyond just being a lifelong dream, this was his big shot to get noticed by scouts, which would have opened doors to professional opportunities that are now completely vanishing. His next real chance won't come for another four years, and by then, he'll be past the prime age for this kind of thing. He told me himself, and I can see it in him, that he is in a complete state of mental chaos. Not only has he given up on everything and lost his drive, but he’s also developed this intense, almost irrational fear. He literally told me he’s terrified to even step back onto the field because he’s scared of getting hurt even worse; he says he doesn't care anymore and feels like he wouldn't mind quitting sports altogether. He’s never been this way—he’s always been a fighter who never backs down. Even when he lost his dad to cancer, he handled it with incredible strength, but this... this is different. When I look into his eyes, I see pure terror. I’ve never seen him like this, not even when he realized there was nothing more we could do for his father, and even then, it wasn't this level of paralyzing fear. I want to help him so badly, but I’m at a loss. I’m just as devastated as he is, though I’m still clinging to hope while he has completely lost it. I don't know what to say or do, because this is so heavy for both of us. It’s hard for me because I feel helpless and I'm grieving all the sacrifices we made for his career—the missed anniversaries, birthdays, the distance, the lack of quality time—and it’s even harder for him because he gave 150% every single day, only to watch his life's goal slip through his fingers.

Please let me know if I should move this to a different thread; I don't want to clutter the board.

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Any good color tattoo shops in the area? in Miscellaneous · Apr 4, 2018

Check out Bang Bang Tattoo in Chicago (12 Patton Way); I honestly think they do incredible work.
If I ever decided to get my next piece done—specifically something in realism—that’s exactly where I’d go.

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Project: Find a Friend (Classifieds / Meetup Thread) in Psychology & Therapy · Apr 2, 2018

Michelle Gray said:Just repeating this here.

Hit me up, I'm down to chat.

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What do you remember? - Alzheimer's awareness! :D in Off-topic · Mar 11, 2018

🤔I finally made it back home yesterday🥳

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Bad Boys in Fans · Feb 27, 2018

BBB : LA Galaxy vs. FC Dallas 2008

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Bad Boys in Fans · Dec 23, 2017

BBB in El Paso back in 2017
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uuo...ature=youtu.be

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Bad Boys in Fans · Nov 26, 2017

BBB Parade

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs_f...ature=youtu.be

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Pros and cons (and maybe some burgers on the side) in Off-topic · Nov 4, 2017

Eight hundred
is it worth painting it?🙂

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Pros and cons (and maybe some burgers on the side) in Off-topic · Nov 4, 2017

brojcek😬
🙂

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Elitists of all nations... in Off-topic · Oct 20, 2017

Spreading like wildfire...😍

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Top 1 in Off-topic · Oct 15, 2017

wearynomad4 said:My number 1 pick has to be Phil. I'm not sure if everyone's heard of him, but if you haven't, you're seriously missing out... honestly, he and I are just an unstoppable duo. 🙂

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Pros and cons (and maybe some burgers on the side) in Off-topic · Oct 11, 2017

🍿What's up? I don't want any of that 🍿I just want some :čevape:!!!!

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Pros and cons (and maybe some burgers on the side) in Off-topic · Oct 4, 2017

I need some damn good burgers right now!!!🙂:!

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