Posts by mistyseal11

Grace Carter80 said:It would be a really good move to sit down with your parents before you head off to see a psychologist or start looking for some "interesting social circle," just talk to them and work out a plan to see a psychiatrist. There's seriously no shame in it. Just be brave and make the smart call. 😘

So I talked to my folks... and yeah, I've already been to both the psychologist and the psychiatrist...

What can they even do for me when I give them exactly what they're looking for? Every single time. I know exactly what they're trying to get at with those questions... and I give them the perfect, precise answers.

They can't help me...

Hypnosis? ... why even bother messing around with that stuff?

Elizabeth Allen84 said:indigo!

btw this is more for psychology stuff... go check that out, you'll find some interesting folks there...
see you!

You really think so? I mean, hold on, who's actually gonna buy into that?
Psychology is expensive, man, and honestly, it's just not in my budget right now...

I'm just out here looking for world peace and hoping everyone just leaves me alone to do my thing, because whatever I end up doing, I'll figure it out—I don't need much to get by...

I’ve realized that whenever a crisis hits, I just hit this total mental wall...

It's like, I just freeze up... and then the tremors start... honestly, I just shake... I start rambling incoherently, and the hallucinations kick in... visual, auditory, even smelling stuff... communication just becomes a massive struggle...

Everything starts triggering some random association in my head... if I actually tried to vocalize what was happening, it would sound like "green tractor field next to paved roads sun deer smiley face yeti quotes idiot violin building street snow soft Audi TT Lara Croft..."

I finally came to the conclusion today that all this weirdness actually started right after I quit using THC...

I don't feel like I have this huge craving for it... but you know, like, "why wouldn't it be better to just switch things up a bit?" 🙄

In the USA, you can literally get heroin via prescription, wtf? ...what even counts as a drug anymore?
Like, nutmeg? A spice? ...yeah right link

There is so much stuff out there that's totally legal... I seriously can't wait for summer so everything can just bloom... he he

I want help that works... like, overnight... I don't want some long-term treatment plan... I hate waiting around... it drives me insane...
....I've been through all sorts of therapy sessions and whatever... but I still can't figure out what's actually wrong with me....
...The doctor who suggested Zoloft mentioned I should probably check my serotonin levels... and apparently Risperdal blocks it...

Besides that... I'm scared of pills... in a way... I really don't want to go through what Risperdal and Prazozin did to me again...

I actually like Xanax... the doctor gave it to me (the first time—at the ER) who then proceeded to poison me with Risperdal two months later when I went back to the ER for a week...

Also... a diagnosis can't exactly be "contradictory guy"...

I say one thing and do another.... people would call me an "actor"... maybe....

And I've noticed I'm really good at acting happy for my parents just so they don't worry. Once I know they aren't worried... then I feel a little better myself. It's the same trick I used on the doctor to get discharged... because I acted like I was doing great... I'm terrified of going to those places because they might end up restricting my freedom. They'll label me a danger to society and stuff... but whatever... if I screw up... I'll just run... and nobody can catch me... assuming I'm one of them... that I have some kind of decent job... I don't need much for a measly paycheck... and I'm happy... living in my own little imaginary world of movies... hallucinations... and spiritual experiences

I can't bring myself to write a book because I just don't have the patience... even though I really could... or maybe some suggestions for a screenplay... I have so many morbid ideas... so many intriguing concepts... so many questions... all coming from my sick mind...

😈

Alright, let's just say no more massive bets for me...

...I totally forgot to mention a pretty huge detail here.... I'm actually a math major, and I just finished my MC.

There are these stretches where I’m just incredibly happy, laughing my head off... but then there are times when I know I’m gonna be miserable and depressed.

Honestly, reality sucks... I just want to escape... for reasons I can't even fully pin down...

THC is such a vibe because the laughter is constant, that weird stomach fluttering sensation... 🤣 etc... it puts me in such a good mood.... especially since I have this wild imagination where I constantly play out "what if" scenarios in my head... same thing there... I know tons of jokes... and my life is slowly turning into one big punchline. For every single situation, I've got a joke or a witty comeback ready... so I'm basically turning my existence into a comedy routine... heh... and honestly, that's just how I carry myself... 😁

....My whole life has basically shrunk down to just "researching" things.... and obviously, Google is basically God.
...I even cooked up some sodium cyanide at home... just waiting for a "crisis moment" to hit.
--> though I doubt it'll ever happen because I still have "important" stuff left to do in life... yeah right... 🙂

...I know a little about everything... and since Google knows everything, it's all right there.

And that's how it all started..... about 20 days ago, I tried taking way too much nutmeg... man, you guys.... I ended up $3.25 poisoning myself 🤣 and ended up hooked to an IV line in the ER.... woke up from a coma... was tripping for three days straight.... hi hi
...okay, looking back, it's funny now... and, you know what, I really wouldn't want to go through that again.

The diagnosis: drug abuse. ... Google isn't finding anything useful under that term.
I mean, okay... "substance abuse"... sure, you could conclude that... but that's not a diagnosis... that sounds more like some dusty old record entry...

Clearly, the doctor must have been huffing a little ether while writing this up 😁 ... or they just had absolutely no clue what to diagnose me with.

And hey, I even know some French... la vache qui passe le téléphone est mâchée .... LOL 🤣 🤣

neonrider13 said:1. There’s this thing called manic-depressive psychosis, which people also just call bipolar disorder.

2. I'm wondering, does anyone in your family deal with mental health issues?

3. Are you on any kind of medication right now?

4. Are you seeing a psychiatrist for outpatient follow-ups?

5. Look, if we're talking about schizophrenia, given your situation, we have to consider the juvenile onset type,

6. so you absolutely have to stick to your prescribed meds and show up for those appointments!!!

7. Just remember, it's a heavy diagnosis to carry, but there is ALWAYS hope!

8. And seriously, don't be afraid!

1. Yeah, uh, yeah... psychosis... yeah, I think I read something about that somewhere...

2. My old man might have PTSD or whatever... he used to try and give me "shock therapy" back in the day... 😁

3. The doctor handed me 60 pills of Risperdal and said I should take them like this:
- half in the morning, a whole one at night... and later on during treatment, just a whole one at night...
- I haven't taken a single one since they let me out. I'm terrified of them. They turn you into a vegetable. I can't sit still. My heart starts racing. It feels like I'm trapped in an aquarium. And don't even get me started on the sexual dysfunction.

4. Nope. There were two times before where my dad lost it on me... so I ended up stuck in the hospital for a few days.

5. Is there a risk of suicide?
---> People living with schizophrenia often deal with intense depressive symptoms during the periods between psychotic episodes. About two out of ten patients will attempt suicide, and roughly half of those attempts are successful. Suicide is actually the leading cause of death for those with schizophrenia, mostly among young people.
For most, suicide is the result of depression hitting hard when the psychotic symptoms fade or aren't present, leaving the person with full clarity and insight into their illness. Sometimes, though, it can be triggered by auditory hallucinations or delusional thoughts.

6. But why? I'd much rather just hang out with my friends... vibe in the halls... pick up a girl... than act like a zombie. (I definitely can't say that to the doctor during our session)

7. I don't even feel sick... maybe that's the whole problem..?

8. I'm scared for my health... because from what I can tell, taking these pills might mess me up. I know they aren't addictive, but I don't want to be a vegetable, and I'm struggling with how to fight this without becoming one. Honestly, I'd rather just take heroin and be a vegetable for the money than deal with this... I mean, WHY... I'm telling you again, I don't feel sick... heh!? 😢

muahaha, 😬 😬
someone seriously needs to study for their damn finals 🤣

😈 ....you should've been doing this regularly .... 🙂 🧐 🙂 every single day, not just like this....

🙂 🙂

...take a look at how insane things are getting over on Broadway... 🤣

neonrider13 said:What actually landed you in the psych ward? What was the deal?

What kind of diagnosis were they working with?

Were you on Rispolept? What for?

1. That’s just how the system works, man—first they drag you into the psych unit and assign you a doctor, then after a few days they move you elsewhere, and honestly, thank God I got out right before that happened.
First time—it was because I was literally screaming my head off from pure pain and heartbreak.
(Two months later)
Second time—I was so wired and agitated I felt like I could actually kill someone.

I’ve noticed lately that I can't even cry anymore, even when things are at their absolute worst, whereas during those first two months (when everything really hit the fan) I was dealing with this horrific pain... tears... total agony... I just pushed it all deep down inside. Now it just bursts out sideways, I guess. It all started over some relationship stuff.

2. Bipolar disorder / schizophrenia.

3. Like I said, once they assign you a doctor, they hand you a prescription and you basically have to take it... otherwise, they’ll just tie you down and give you an injection so they don't have to worry about you anymore.

neonrider13 said:What’s that actually mean though? Like, how does this lack of willpower even show up in real life? Give me some more detail on that.

Look, if I didn't need an extra kickstart, I'd be doing 200 crunches without breaking a sweat—it's definitely not a fitness thing or me being glued to a screen...

...then I'll pick up my guitar and start playing or singing... but nothing "productive" ever happens...

I've been thinking about trying some kind of "boosters"... or maybe even hallucinogens
Any intel out there that isn't just basic crap you find on Google or Wikipedia?

...they had me drugged out for a week straight in the psych ward with Rispolept, Ativan, and Apaurin... I was basically a vegetable... couldn't even tackle a simple Sudoku puzzle... then my neck started seizing up... total stiffness... so they were pumping me full of injections....

God, those bastards...

Sam Hughes5 said:seriously, while I was reading this, I actually wanted to ask how old you are... 😬 just go see a therapist, because it’s pretty obvious you're dealing with some adolescent issues and hyperactivity, this isn't even about health anymore

Look, if I weren't trying to be a decent human being, I'd tell you exactly where to shove it. 😁

Wait, hold up, are you seriously trying to tell me there’s no internal communication in psychiatry?

The only thing that actually sets that ward apart from the rest is how they handle visitor access...

neonrider13 said:Redeemer, look, let’s just take this step by step:

1. You’re talking about the internal medicine ward, but I'm talking about the psych ward.
2. Honestly, you're off base there—they don't have any reason to act like that, and most of them don't anyway. I actually know a few doctors who, after pulling a full 24-hour shift, still stick around to work and somehow find the energy to reply to random posts over on the Health subforum.
3. I didn't quite catch that third point, though. Are you talking about the doctors, or are you talking about yourself?

What even is a psychiatric ward? I mean, seriously, they classify internal medicine as a psychiatric unit too? Like, what the hell?!

I'm talking about that first reply I got on my post regarding depression.

Doc, I need some serious help here:

- I’ve been feeling totally drained and listless for months now, like since mid-October back in '06.
- My head is constantly racing with these intense thoughts... kind of like chess... where I'm always visualizing sixteen moves ahead of everyone else.
- When the adrenaline finally hits, I feel like I could actually kill someone.
- Most of the time, I'm just taking it out on myself... slamming my head against the wall.
- In those moments, I start screaming absolute filth, hallucinating... picturing ways to maim specific people.
- I am painfully destructive, and honestly, I tend to blame everything on external stuff—like if my neighbor is playing pool with two rubber balls that have zero spine, you know what I mean?
- Something constructive would probably be something like splitting wood... just grabbing an axe and going at it.
- I absolutely loathe injustice.
- The government and the whole system are just... ugh.
- I'm pretty restless.
- And impatient.
- There's this deep-seated fear clawing at me from the inside, just all kinds of fears.
- Normally, I'm a pretty withdrawn guy, but then again, I'm actually really popular when I'm out with people.
- I've got some damn good friends.
- I am a walking contradiction.
- It's like, I want to, but I don't.
- I listen to R&B and psychedelic rock.
- I love those bursts of pure positivity and euphoria, but then there's the psychedelic side of things.
- I have this insane urge to write, but not necessarily to "express" myself.
- I talk in riddles, jokes, and constant sarcasm.
- Because of that, people often don't take me seriously, and by the time they finally get what I'm saying, it's usually too late.
- I'm always down for some kind of action.
- As I'm typing this... man, okay, I got a little worked up for a second, but now I've got Foghat playing and I'm feeling a bit more upbeat.
Any advice, comments, thoughts, or suggestions...

Anything helps.

PS. I'm 19.

neonrider13 said:Alright, here's the lowdown. On psych wards, they generally try to separate patients based on their specific diagnosis. People with severe intellectual disabilities usually get hospitalized in specialized facilities—so, they're kept apart from patients being treated for acute psychotic episodes.
Based on the old-school way of classifying mental illness—which, honestly, still sticks in the minds of most doctors and psychiatrists out there—schizophrenia falls into this massive umbrella category known as psychoses. That group includes manic psychosis, manic-depressive psychosis, and various types of schizophrenia (paranoid, catatonic, hebephrenic, juvenile, etc.). Even endogenous depression was lumped in under "psychosis" according to those older classifications.
That last part is honestly pretty gross to me. 😱
Just remember, not every doctor is like that! And hey, don't be scared! You aren't alone, and there's always someone out there who can help! 🙂 👍

1. Not true.
- Here's why: on the general med wards, everyone is just tossed into one big pile; you know the deal, just male and female dorms... otherwise, in the common areas, everyone hangs out together.

2. Not true.
- Here's why: they actually have the right to act like that, looking down on us "patients." They honestly don't give a damn about messing with everyone individually unless they feel like being extra.

3. Not true.
- Here's why: it's all just prejudice and a total lack of understanding.

Take a look

don't just tell me... 🙂