Linda Cox69 said:Hey everyone,
it feels like this is the only place where I can actually let it all out, because you guys truly get what I’m going through...😢
I’m having a rough one today. Mom headed out for her second round of chemo. She’s being incredibly brave—no complaining, just taking it like a champ. She’s holding up well, though I guess we’re all just trying to weather the storm right now. It’s hitting me hard today.
I feel so heavy. I'm sitting here at work, but honestly, all I want to do is crawl into bed at home with a mountain of tissues, the TV on, and just lean on my Xanax...
I have zero drive left. Not even a shred of energy left in my soul.
I just got off the phone with Mom; she’s already in her room. They’ll start the therapy soon. It’ll probably be more pills today and then the actual chemo tomorrow.
I’m really hoping they let her come home tomorrow.
I'm looking at all these emojis on my screen, but none of them can touch how I feel right now. There isn't a symbol for this kind of bottomless grief and pain... I feel like I'm in a complete coma.😢🙂🙂🙂
I just want today and tomorrow to be over already. I just want Mom to handle the chemo okay. I pray she doesn't deal with the same agony she did last time—she could barely stand it then...
The tears won't stop...
God help us all through this nightmare... Here’s a little bit of poetry to keep my head up, maybe it'll lift my spirits a bit...
Today’s post is a total downer. Sorry.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~for the rest of you—since nothing is helping me today...
Love,
I'll check back in once I pull myself together..🙂
Linda, take this virtual 🙂
Honey, try to lean into your work and everything else in your life that still gives you focus outside of Mom's illness. You feel drained because you're exhausting yourself by constantly spiraling about "what ifs" and worrying about things that haven't happened yet... and that path leads nowhere.
Try to stay rational. Mom has what she has, and you are doing everything within your power and knowledge. If it's beyond your control, you can't force it. Things will happen as they happen, and you'll handle them when they arrive.
Unfortunately, life isn't just laughter and happy moments; it's also woven with days like this one. This is natural. And honestly? Let the tears flow and take your Xanax if you need to. Right now, there is no reason *not* to cry. Mom is here, she is fighting, and that is what matters most. The fight is everything, and weakness is just fuel for cancer. Don't let that monster feed on your spirit! Instead, think about the little ways you can cheer Mom up when she gets back from the hospital. With Easter coming up soon, maybe a small holiday gesture would brighten her mood. You know best what makes her smile, so cherish this quality time with her. We are all transient, whether healthy or sick—it’s just that those who are ill are much more aware of it.
And never forget:
Even when life feels its darkest and most hopeless, know that this too shall pass, and that you carry a strength inside you that you don't even realize exists.
Hang in there, dear. We are all standing right there with you.🙂