Posts by Brandon Lopez6

Had no clue about that one..
but I guess we're totally out of luck now 😁

Working at a school. Even for a janitor position here, they run full background checks because you're working around kids and can't have any sketchy diagnoses on your record.

I honestly don't care, I just don't want people spreading fake news about me on there. Besides, if I ever end up applying for a job where I actually have to hand over medical records, I’d much rather show up with the real deal instead of some bogus F-s.

Steven Martin13 said:Which personality disorder did they slap on you?

Are you seeing someone privately or heading into a hospital setting? And what kind of meds are they putting you on?

So, I headed into the hospital, and they slapped a "personality disorder" label on me as a working diagnosis. Apparently, the psychological testing confirmed I have one—they just didn't specify which kind. Oh, isn't that just stellar? Great job on the testing, guys. Truly top-tier stuff. 🙄So now the doctor’s gonna have to figure out which one I actually need...
I was on Lexapro for a bit, but I finally called it quits because it just wasn't sitting right with me. Now, I’m just sticking to Xanax when I need to take the edge off. 🙂

Gerald Torres2 said:Don't sweat it... about a week ago, I was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder... it's not exactly a charming diagnosis, I'll give you that...
And she prescribed Seroquel as a mood stabilizer, but my moods don't actually swing the way they typically do for people with BPD... so I told her I wasn't taking it. There's nothing anyone can do to force me, and she actually admitted she couldn't make me take something I didn't want to, but suggested if I wanted to try, I should. Well, I tried, and it was terrible... I won't touch it again. Taking an antipsychotic felt like getting hit in the head with a shovel. But hey, you have to deal with those numbers and keep working on yourself regardless of whatever those famous F-s say... besides, Seroquel is actually a great substitute for anxiolytics; it knocks you out perfectly, and plenty of people on this forum are really happy with it... I initially turned it down because it made me feel stupid, but now that I'm going through a bit of a crisis due to a breakup, I started taking it again and I'm sleeping like a baby. I'm hitting the sack around 10 PM, and I don't even need anxiolytics anymore... imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m worried about too. The thought of them pushing some pills on me that I don't even need... man. Even if I end up just tossing them in the back of a drawer and never actually taking them, they're still gonna have it written right there in my medical records that they were prescribed. That stays on my file forever. 🙂🙂🙂

Steven Martin13 said:I totally relate to this first part. My very first doctor at the Mayo Clinic tried to prescribe me Loquene for insomnia, even though I told her three different times that sleep isn't the issue—it's that I simply DON'T WANT to go to bed early. I asked for Rivotril instead because the other stuff makes me feel foggy and forgetful, but she just kept pushing it on me. It was like talking to a wall. So, I went to see a different specialist, and through that therapy, she actually helped me clear things up. Look, I know it sucks—I get anxious—but I am working incredibly hard to change, and I know I’ll get through this. This isn't my first rodeo; I've walked this path before.

Most doctors just focus on killing the symptoms rather than digging for the actual cause—which is exactly why I switched providers. She even told me after a few sessions, "Don't waste your money here," and gave me advice on how to fight through it. She even said if I ever felt low, she’d give me her personal number or tell me to just drop by. She cured me the first time, and I truly believe she will again.

EDIT: I'm done posting about psychotropic meds on this forum. People either misquote me or try to drag my name through the mud for their own reasons. Plus, as my colleague Azure mentioned, so many people read these posts, and I have no desire to be blamed for someone else's misinterpretation—after all, we're all individuals.

Now they've slapped me with a personality disorder diagnosis (😕), but according to my psych tests, the only thing even remotely outside the norm is depression 😬
I won't get into the details because just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach, but let's just say the woman wrote my birth year as 1995 when I was actually born in 1990. 😁! Man, if she hadn't asked my age, she probably would've guessed something else entirely. It just shows she wasn't listening to a single word I said. 🤣

The diagnosis itself isn't everything, but it's hard to ignore. The worst part is that in the main stage—which is the medication—they treat the label, not the actual problem. If someone told me I had Schizoaffective, I'd be getting prescribed AP, but what I actually need is just something to take the edge off. That's why treating a personality disorder scares me—because I don't even have one. 🙂

Steven Martin13 said:I'm personally not happy with my treatment plan at all—that's why I'm phasing it out. I'd rather just deal with the anxiety and stay "off the meds" than struggle with an antidepressant that does absolutely nothing. I feel like I've researched every single medication under the sun, but most doctors here just default to SSRIs. Honestly, I've managed to build my own coping mechanisms better than any antidepressant ever did.

That part about the sleep issues hits home—it's not even insomnia, really; it's just how my life is now. For some people, it's a major issue, but for me, this has been the reality for the last few years. My internal clock is just completely trashed. If I have to be up by 7 AM, I'm staying awake until 4 AM, and somehow, I still manage to function.

I don't know much about meds and I've relied on therapists quite a bit up until now, but lately, I've been losing faith in them. They've messed up during my last two sessions—like, seriously, if you don't understand something, just ask instead of writing complete bullshit in my files. That stuff stays on my permanent medical record forever, it's not a joke, damn it😠😠.

Sometimes (rarely) I'll fall asleep around 1, but usually, I can't drift off before 3. That's just my rhythm, I guess..

Jason Vaughn482 said:At the end of the day, it all boils down to the same result; three pills are three pills, regardless of how we choose to distribute them.

I mean, what did I even say? 🤔
I mentioned in my post about "splitting the dose" and some lady on the board asked me how. So yeah, 4 tablets.

Steven Martin13 said:Xanax at the start—zero points.
Paxil—completely useless; neither side effects nor any actual progress.
Zoloft—makes you feel numb, triggers some pretty unpleasant thoughts, and gives me this heavy, trapped sensation (for the second time now)—plus, I end up feeling irritable and aggressive.
Clonazepam—I have never experienced such intense derealization (which lingered after I stopped taking it), along with short-term memory loss, total cognitive fog, and increased agitation.
Ativan—my body feels totally deadened, yet my mind is racing at a hundred miles per hour.
Lexapro—mellows out most of the symptoms quite a bit. I take 0.25 as needed, but I suspect if I took 0.5, that would probably do the trick.

Someone did
recommend Luvox, but I haven't ever actually taken it.

I know I've mixed up antidepressants and anxiolytics in here, but I wanted to give an overview of everything I've dealt with so far—there's more, but I can't recall it all right now.

I get the gist.
Helix works great for me. I thought about trying Xanax, but people say it takes longer to kick in, and sometimes even those 10-15 minutes with regular Helix is way too much for me.🤷
It doesn't make sense for me to take Xanax and then still need a "quick" one on the side. It totally defeats the purpose of tapering down, which is why I'd even consider switching to Xanax in the first place.

Got a psych appointment in May, and who knows how that goes... everyone is already getting on my nerves because they misinterpret every little thing.🙂
They tell me I talk too fast. Like, how are you supposed to listen to someone with schizoaffective disorder who isn't making sense? Seriously. What a stupid standard to hold me to.☕

Paul Newman5 said:No offense, but I agree. I’m up at 6 AM, so by 1 PM, half the day is already gone. I take a 0.5 as soon as I wake up because my nerves are shot in the morning, maybe a 0.25 around noon depending on the day, then another 0.5 at 5, and 4.5 mg of Lexapro at night. Honestly, I’m jealous you get to sleep until 1 PM. If only for one day...

You guys are waking up at 6, but I'm passing out at 4. My last Helix is at 11 PM, and I don't touch anything else until 4 AM. It’s the same deal if you take your first dose at noon or space it out during the day. I bet you guys drift off before I do, so you could take your last dose at 7 AM. Neither of you really gets the schedule right.

Paul Newman5 said:How are you scheduling the Xanax? I'm so on edge today I don't even know what to take. Honestly, Lexapro calms me down best, but my doctor insists Ativan is better, so that's what I'm on. How much are you taking—is it the USA version or the standard one—and how do you schedule it throughout the day?

I take four 0.25mg doses:
one when I get up (maybe two)
one at 4 PM (if I took two when I woke up, I skip this one)
one at 7 PM
one at 11 PM

All assuming I’m up by 1 PM. If I sleep in later, I shift the whole schedule, but I've been sticking to this routine for almost a year now.😁

Steven Martin13 said:You're reading my mind 😲

I think I might start splitting my Xanax doses on the bad days—that’s actually what my doctor suggested—because, besides that, nothing else seems to touch the needle at all (!!!)

As for Zoloft, it just left me feeling totally numb without actually fixing anything.

Here's what I've tried:
Eglonyl — zero points for panic relief, though it helped with stomach issues (nausea).
Paxil — zero points for anything. It just made me sleep through the night without waking up too much, but the panic and phobias were still right there. It numbed me out painfully.
Lexapro — actually made my anxiety worse. I had to "detox" from it for three weeks just to get rid of all those stupid side effects that were making everything feel even more intense. Zero help.

It feels to me like there isn't an antidepressant out there that will stop the panic attacks; it just seems like Xanax is the only thing that can "kill" them once they start. 🤷

Steven Martin13 said:Thanks for pointing that out, Aurora—I actually just realized I missed mentioning it in my previous post.
Just to be clear, I’m not doing this on my own whim; it’s actually a planned decision made by my private psychiatrist. If things get rough—which, let's face it, is always a possibility—I can always pivot to a different medication.

I really don't want to discourage anyone, but my anxiety is... well, it's unique. Its roots are pretty specific to my life, so I’d hate for someone to blindly follow my lead. Every single person is different, and everyone really ought to sit down with a professional to figure out their own path forward.

Mine is the same way. According to the psych tests, I'm supposedly not even anxious 😕, yet I've got a mountain of phobias and feel on edge constantly. So far, nothing has touched the anxiety except for Elizabeth, when I space the doses out perfectly through the day.🤷

Steven Martin13 said:So, I’m starting to taper off my Zoloft—I’ve been dropping by 1/4 of a pill every week—but I can't help wondering, is that slow enough to be safe?

Also, is it okay if I take a tiny 0.25 dose of Elizabeth whenever I really need it?

I know people are going to ask why, but honestly, I'm quitting Zoloft because it just makes me feel... blunt. Plus, I’ve been incredibly jittery and irritable lately—it's like this weird, foggy sense of unreality is constantly hovering over me. It hasn't even helped with the actual symptoms, which makes me think I might just be resistant to it. To make matters worse, during those first two months of treatment, the anxiety it triggered was so intense that I realized things literally couldn't get any worse than that. Does anyone know how long it takes for the stuff to fully clear out of your system once you stop taking it?

I was on Lexapro for about a month and then just quit cold turkey. No taper, nothing. It took me maybe three weeks to feel like myself again. I went through pretty much the exact same stuff you're describing.

Honestly, it feels like you're dealing with something purely psychological rather than anything physical.
What you described happening while you sleep sounds exactly like panic attacks.

Dizziness is super common during those episodes, and that "jelly legs" feeling is almost always the first sign things are starting (unless they just stop right there). Plus, I don't see any connection between the chills and scoliosis.

I've heard that more than half the population actually has scoliosis now, mostly because everyone is either stuck in a desk job all day or hunched over a computer at home—usually both.

Gerald Torres2 said:Look, I only took one... I didn't have any last night (and honestly, I knocked out immediately for seven hours straight), so I'm wide awake and feeling fine today. The thing is, I don't actually need a mood stabilizer. My moods don't swing that wildly... I'm not like those people who post here constantly about being aggressive or whatever. I'm not like that. I get angry maybe once a month when I really lose it, which I think is pretty normal for anyone on this planet—and yeah, I might snap occasionally, but generally, I don't. My doctor prescribed it because she gave me a BPD diagnosis... but I don't need it. So now I'm looking at it and thinking... just another pill I don't even need... 🤷 it feels stupid. Brandon Lopez6, I used to deal with that too, but with anxiolytics, and it was nowhere near as intense.

Ahaaa. I see where you're coming from now. 🙂
Just be straight with your doctor. Tell her exactly what's up and that you aren't interested in taking them. 🙂

Honestly, reading or watching TV while your mind is wandering like that sounds a lot like depersonalization to me—that weird feeling where you’re basically living two lives at once. The way you described it... yeah, that's exactly how my episodes feel.

I’d say it might just be part of growing up. I was a total mess during my teenage years, too. I can't even tell if I misread things back then or just handled stuff the wrong way and ended up making life harder for myself later on. Like, would everything be smoother now if I’d just realized I was struggling mentally and hit up a therapist sooner? 🤷

It seems fine to me, really, but if it's actually eating at you, maybe ask someone about getting some psychological testing done.

Just curious, does anyone in your family deal with mental health stuff? 🙂

Gerald Torres2 said:So, I'm back in school (not a kid, I'm 27), and honestly, I struggle to even follow the lectures sometimes because my valium kills my concentration... but the way Seroquel made me feel so stupid was just terrifying. I couldn't find the right words for things. Like, I'd stare at the fridge and completely blank on what the thing inside was called or even how to say it. It was awful. And then, predictably, once that passed, the low-grade depression and anxiety started creeping in... man, what a mess.🙂🙂🙂🙂

Give me a break. I struggle to remember names or basic things at least three times a day, every single day.😬

Jokes aside, if it’s actually hitting you that hard (and it sounds like it is), why not just stop taking it? Or maybe give the meds more time to settle in? I don't know about your AP, but my doctor told me that AP usually kicks in way faster than AD, so you should be able to tell if it's working within a week or two.🙂

Nancy Morris5 said:Oh, right, 0.25
it works fine. I actually thought it was 25 mg.😁

Same here. I'm actually looking into how this works—I read somewhere that 8 is supposed to be the upper limit. 😬

Justin Rogers5 said:25 mg of Xanax.🤣

For real?

Justin Rogers5 said:5mg Zodac, plus 25mg Xanax. Sometimes at night. I take a quarter of an Albonil in the morning too, though I'm phasing it out since it doesn't do much. My stomach handles the Mirzaten and Xanax just fine.

😕 pretty sure that was just a typo 😁

Donna Torres5 said:Oh my gosh, did you really deal with those too??? How did things settle down for you?? How long did that whole OCD phase last?
I'm dealing with them right now, though they happen less frequently; they drive me crazy during PMS. If you have a moment to reply, please do—I am honestly traumatized by these intrusive thoughts.

My intrusive thoughts weren't even OCD, more like psychosis 😬 (diagnosed F33.3)

They just... happened. Out of nowhere. But let's back up.

The first time anxiety and those intrusive thoughts hit me, I was 17 and totally losing my mind. (I actually had them once back in 6th grade, maybe 11 or 12, but that passed quickly). Then it all came back at 17 and just vanished on its own again. But when it hit me at 20, it wouldn't stop.😁
I was on Risperdal for a while (felt like forever to me), then I started looking into alternative stuff, and here I am. Not sure exactly what clicked, but I'm doing pretty much okay today. Now, I only get those intrusive thoughts maybe once every couple of months—like every second or third cycle, depending on how bad the PMS gets.

I doubt my experience will help you much because I think mine were a different breed of intrusive thoughts. Mine were violent and terrifying; I don't know what yours are like. I really hope they aren't even close, because I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.🙂

If you want, shoot me a DM and we can talk about it.🙂

Kevin Bailey2 said:Do antipsychotics cause a heavy addiction?

nah.

I was on Zyprexa for two months, then jumped straight onto Risperdal. I stuck with it for about 8 or 9 months, then just stopped cold turkey—no tapering, nothing. Just quit. And honestly? Nothing happened. No withdrawal, no "crisis," and those intrusive thoughts that put me on the meds in the first place didn't come crawling back.
Before all that, I had these brutal intrusive thoughts basically 24/7. They were at their absolute worst at night.

It’s been almost a year now (hitting the mark this May) and the thoughts haven't returned. I get an occasional one here and there—usually when my cycle hits—but I was dealing with that stuff long before any diagnosis, and I can handle it just fine without making a big deal out of it.🙂