Posts by Robin Lopez2

David Vaughn75 said:Look, we actually *can* control our emotions, because our thoughts and feelings are basically just side effects of how we act. So, if you change what you're doing, you eventually change how you think and feel.

At its core, depression is really just an addiction to negative thinking.

I disagree. It actually works the other way—thoughts and feelings drive the behavior.

A few years back, there was a psychiatry symposium held down on the coast with the theme "Soul and Spirit." My gut told me right then that it was a terrible topic for a group of psychiatrists to tackle; they don't have the slightest clue about the soul or the spirit. They know nothing about it.

David Vaughn75 said:Some of us haven't told anyone about our condition

But man, I really regret keeping it under wraps.
Now I’m stuck sitting there in social circles, constantly having to cook up excuses for why I don't have a steady job or why I'm not married, which just makes me look like some lazy bum in their eyes. I should've just laid it all out there from the jump—that way, you see pretty quickly who's a real friend and who's just a total fake.

I’ve been pretty open with my inner circle. If there's something I haven't shared yet, I wait for the right moment—when the conversation naturally allows me to tell my story without feeling like I'm dumping my diagnosis on people when it isn't necessary. People I hang out with actually find my experiences interesting; I’ve never lost a friend over it or felt like people were avoiding me. In fact, I’ve given them perspective on how they might handle things if they faced the same diagnosis. Even during my psychotic episodes, people found my story compelling, especially those with strong religious ties. Things are different now, though. They've asked me how I changed my outlook, and I gave them a straight answer. They accept it, even if they prefer it when I lean into supporting their faith. Honestly, even the healthy people can't seem to agree on that part.

Arthur Flores2 said:.

Robin Lopez2, what you just wrote basically sounds like you're embarrassed by your own beliefs...

The atheist squadron is swarming because now is the perfect moment to shut down the joke...😂

See, what you actually said is way funnier than any of those "jokes" of yours.

Arthur Flores2, I felt embarrassed reading those "jokes" of yours. You really have no reason to complain; there isn't even a hint of actual humor in them.

Noah Garcia4 said:Rispolept 1 mg, Lexapro, Lamictal, and Ativan as needed.

edit: I'm off the Seroquel now.

You have made incredible progress. 🙂

Once you drop down to just 1 mg of Risperdal, you'll be right there with me. 😉

I have an acquaintance whose experience mirrors my own during my psychotic episodes. He doesn't suffer from the paranoia of being watched, eavesdropped on, or the sensation that the TV or radio songs are sending him coded messages. If he had those symptoms, we'd be talking about psychosis. Instead, he’s a perfectly sane individual with just some unconventional perspectives—ideas he actually picked up from a few books he read.

Regarding faith, I find myself walking on eggshells around the believers in my circle. I can't really express my views without offending them, even though I never intend to be disrespectful. I respect people of faith, but I simply don't understand them. We both hold our own convictions, and that's where we differ.

Kevin Nguyen3 said:Which part am I supposed to validate here? The first part or the second?🙂
Fine, I will concede this much: enlightenment is a deeply personal thing. It is about perceiving reality in whatever way we choose, and we certainly have the right to our own perceptions.
But there is a massive catch when dealing with psychosis; it stops being just a personal matter and becomes the responsibility of your attending physician.
Honestly, I would love to meet just one person who claims to communicate with God in a way that wasn't already decided by the council in Nice back in 325 AD. And why on earth do you think people would lose their connection just because you decided to change the frequency?
Besides, everyone operates on their own frequency anyway, don't they?
Ultimately, hallucinations are just one way reality becomes slightly skewed. It happens when your perception—or anyone's perception—simply fails to align with the reality of the environment, or rather, the reality shared by the majority.
I find it fascinating when things are documented; it’s possible during certain phases of psychosis, though the struggle is that during lucid periods, it can be incredibly difficult for someone to distinguish current reality from past events. They often drift back into "their" version of reality, which frequently has very little to do with the "here and now."
What is your actual stance regarding God? What is your subjective view, or more specifically, how do you personally communicate with the Divine?

As I’ve already stated, I wasn't raised religious. For the forty years leading up to my first psychotic episode, I never even gave God a second thought. During those first two episodes, I don't know how or why religious themes suddenly started flooding my mind. Now, with therapy, I don't even dwell on faith or Bog; to me, it all feels like superstition. As far as I'm concerned, Bog doesn't exist unless proven otherwise.

During my second psychotic episode, I was convinced God was broadcasting messages on a specific frequency. I truly believed I was the first person to ever tune into it, and that I actually had the power to alter it. In my mind, I’d reached enlightenment. I thought if I changed that frequency, everyone else claiming to hear from God would suddenly be cut off, so I decided to leave things alone to avoid causing more harm than good.

I eventually worked through those delusions by realizing, through therapy, that my thoughts were nothing more than complete nonsense.

I think I was being a bit vague before. I wasn't raised in a religious household; I was just baptized and took communion, though I never did my confirmation. For forty years, I lived a completely secular life without any concept of faith. That changed when I hit my first psychotic episode—one where I genuinely believed I was Jesus. Later, after I stopped taking my medication, I had a second episode where I felt I actually possessed the power to shift the frequency through which people communicate with God. I chose not to change it, though, because if I had, the believers here on Earth would have been left wandering lost. I decided to leave things exactly as they were. It was thanks to my therapist that I finally managed to get back to the person I was before that first breakdown at age forty. Now, I can actually approach the ideas of faith and spirituality with a clear, realistic mind.

Kevin Nguyen3 said:That doctor is truly something else. A complete expert, a real specialist... though, honestly, she’d probably be just as skilled at rolling up a perfect cinnamon roll at a local bakery!
Doctors aren't some kind of programmed robots, are they? They aren't. They’re just people—plain and simple. And like any other human being out there, they’re subject to all the same messiness and chaos that life throws at us. They deal with the same struggles, face the same symptoms, and feel the same weight as their patients do. But then, the institution steps in. The system grants them a title, a label... "Doctor." And suddenly, within our local community, they become something almost untouchable. Especially when you're just sitting there in a local family practice clinic, looking up at someone who seems elevated by a mere designation. Isn't it strange how a title can change everything?
"My Rispolept therapy is actually working against her..."???
What exactly does that even mean?😕

I meant that Rispolept helps me stop dwelling on religious questions or any kind of spirituality; it keeps me grounded in reality.

My primary care physician is practically triggering a psychotic break, but my Rispolept prescription is keeping me grounded. See, my mom and I share the same doctor, and she loves to corner my mother to ask how "her son" is doing. When my mom tries to give her an update, the doctor just shrugs and says, "Who knows what God has in store for your son?" 😲 Honestly, she even went so far as to suggest I attend a spiritual retreat. 😲 It’s wild—it's like none of this is my fault; it's all just divine providence that I'm apparently too oblivious to understand. 😲

Noah Garcia4 said:Of course you realize the gravity of things once the fog finally lifts.
Once the hallucinations subside, you’re left staring at a reality that feels fundamentally altered.

From where I’m sitting, the trajectory looks like this: you lose your grip, end up in a psychiatric ward, crawl back home, and spend your days swallowing a mountain of pills until, eventually, you taper down and stabilize. Your perception settles, and the hallucinations stop.

But here’s the kicker—life is never going to feel quite the same again, regardless of how long you stay in remission.

At that point, you just have to accept that most people are going to carry certain prejudices against those they label as "crazy." Fair enough.

Then there's the medication cycle: you have to take an antipsychotic that often triggers depression, which then necessitates an antidepressant... It's a total circus. 🙂☕

Fair point, you're right. But look, someone with high blood pressure takes medication, someone with diabetes uses insulin, and so on. We just got a bad hand dealt to us. The bottom line is being able to function normally. If it weren't for effective medicine, everyone would be stuck in an asylum forever.

Larry Lewis said:I honestly can't tell if I'm losing my grip on reality or if you're just being intentionally cryptic, but I am completely lost as to what you're trying to say here.

I'll admit, I didn't phrase that very well. What I meant was this: if I'm in a psychotic state and believe I am Jesus, then in that moment, that is my reality. If I think I'm an alien, then I am an alien. If I think I'm a monkey, or even the Queen of England, that’s my truth. No one can convince me otherwise until my medication brings me out of the psychosis and allows me to think clearly again—to realize I was wrong and that my perception was off.

Let me put it more simply: back in 1999 during my first psychotic episode, I didn't just imagine I was Jesus—I genuinely believed I was Him. If the people around me didn't buy it, that was their issue, not mine. Of course, looking back now, I see things through a different lens and realize I wasn't actually Him.

A man thinks for himselfalways believes he's right. Whether you're in a state of psychosis or not doesn't matter in the moment. It’s only later, once you accept your diagnosis and therapy starts to kick in, that you realize those episodes were just nonsense.

The funny thing is, we aren't pretending to be anything other than what we actually are. It’s just simple reality. For instance, there's a woman who gets her prom dresses made by my sister because she’s convinced she’s some kind of high-society socialite from Manhattan.

Noah Garcia4 said:There’s plenty of stuff in the Bible that makes sense if you look hard enough, but frankly, it’s better not to dig too deep. Living in that imaginary world usually does us more harm than good.
If I hit a breaking point and lose my mind, I can't exactly sit around waiting a month for Jesus to show up and show mercy. You get admitted to the hospital, they start asking if you need Haldol or something similar, and by the time Jesus decides to make an appearance, you might have already completely unraveled. (And I'm being serious here).
Furthermore, I don't have the luxury of waiting a year, five years, or twenty years for Jesus to intervene.
Then again, if exorcisms actually worked and were available nearby, I’d probably be first in line. Why wouldn't I? But nooo. Apparently, if you want an exorcism, you aren't allowed to take medication. Really, wtf?
edit: The Bible talks about the sins of the fathers; nowadays, we just call that genetics, claiming it's all written in our DNA... and so on. 😁

I agree, so I don't even give it a second thought anymore.

Noah Garcia4 said:There’s plenty of stuff in the Bible that makes sense if you look hard enough, but frankly, it’s better not to dig too deep. Living in that imaginary world usually does us more harm than good.
If I hit a breaking point and lose my mind, I can't exactly sit around waiting a month for Jesus to show up and show mercy. You get admitted to the hospital, they start asking if you need Haldol or something similar, and by the time Jesus decides to make an appearance, you might have already completely unraveled. (And I'm being serious here).
Furthermore, I don't have the luxury of waiting a year, five years, or twenty years for Jesus to intervene.
Then again, if exorcisms actually worked and were available nearby, I’d probably be first in line. Why wouldn't I? But nooo. Apparently, if you want an exorcism, you aren't allowed to take medication. Really, wtf?
edit: The Bible talks about the sins of the fathers; nowadays, we just call that genetics, claiming it's all written in our DNA... and so on. 😁

Back when I went through my first psychotic break, I didn't feel any need to wait around for anyone to tell me who I was. 😲

Noah Garcia4 said:I hear you, Larry Lewis. What could an outsider possibly say besides noting that you were struggling before and now you’re doing better? There is no way a "normal" person can truly grasp what we are actually going through.
And then suddenly you’re labeled as lazy or aggressive, as if those traits aren't present in everyone else—it just happens to be our fault.

I think this is a good moment to mention that hallucinations or delusions, whatever terminology you prefer, don't just emerge from thin air; they are rooted in reality. They don't spawn from nothingness. Something happens in your actual life, and then the psychotic mind takes that input and twists it into whatever narrative makes sense to them. Think about why schizophrenia is more prevalent in major American cities compared to rural areas, whereas in certain isolated tribes in Africa, it practically doesn't exist. It isn't that they lack the medical knowledge to diagnose it; it's that the condition simply isn't there.
When you live in a massive metropolitan area, constantly surrounded by churches, radio waves, television, computers, smartphones, and a sea of people gossiping about one another, it’s easy for your brain to take those stimuli and build a hallucination on top of them.
For instance, you might imagine you're being watched—perhaps even tracked via a handheld device—especially once people become aware of your condition and start using it as fuel for their local gossip. But once you fall into a schizophrenic mindset, you amplify that feeling, assigning it a strange sort of importance until you convince yourself you are somehow the center of the universe.
Emotions become unbalanced, clashing with how the brain processes things; sure, regular people get irritable too, but for someone experiencing psychosis, that irritability is magnified to a scale that completely escapes control.
I am convinced that if you are hearing voices, they are originating from somewhere within the subconscious. They don't just manifest out of the void.
Of course, one could always argue that a person is possessed rather than psychotic.
It’s never quite clear to me how a priest decides whether to perform an exorcism or simply refer someone to a psychiatrist; if we are looking at it from that specific angle, I’d probably lump all of it under the umbrella of possession.
Then you sit in a church listening to a globalized brand of schizophrenia that has been running for 2,000 years, and it's hard not to buckle under the weight of all the logical inconsistencies and start spiraling about Jesus or the devil or whatever else.
My point is that hallucinations are built upon real-world events that the mind then misinterprets. How would anyone ever imagine being watched by aliens if they hadn't heard of them first? I respect the possibility that it’s real, but they wouldn't even know they were seeing an alien; they would just perceive it as, say, a light, and since they already know what light is, their brain wouldn't trigger any issues.
And yes, I'll try not to draw the ire of the religious crowd, but I know exactly what I'm talking about. 😉☕

I attended a spiritual retreat once in my life. To be honest, it felt more like some kind of magic ritual, though I kept quiet about it at the time. A few years later, I decided not to go back to the same pastor, and I actually dealt with some pretty nasty harassment from a church member who kept pushing me to return. I eventually sat down with my private psychiatrist to unpack the whole thing. He told me those types of retreats usually boil down to three Ps: Primitivism, Pseudoscience, and Pretense. I couldn't agree more.

Larry Lewis said:Oh, so she wasn't "normal" before? Seriously? Please, do me a favor and explain exactly what you mean by that. She was suffering through an illness—she wasn't losing her mind—so maybe try to wrap your head around the fact that a sick person is actually going through something real.
It is a truly monumental feat of arrogance to look someone in the eye and say, "You were crazy before, but now you're fine."
I mean, who do you think you are? What gives you the right to play judge and jury over someone else's sanity? It's honestly unbelievable.
Do yourself a favor: go buy a mirror, take a long, hard look at yourself, and tell us what you see. She had the courage to face her reality, whereas you? You don't have a shred of it—you're nothing but a coward at heart, my friend.

Thanks for reacting this way; it actually helps me clarify things. This post of yours is psychotic. I have never told anyone they were crazy and are now normal. That is purely your own psychotic reaction to a thought I never even had, let alone voiced!

To be clear: First, regarding myself. I’ve been on this forum for years. I carry diagnoses like F43.1, F62.0, F23.0, and F20.0. That’s why I read this thread. Honestly, I feel some shame for everything I wrote here when I was in a psychotic state. Now, my conditions are under control. I’ve been on 1mg of Risperdal for about five years, and I’m grateful I don't need heavier medication. I am stable now, and my writing reflects that; when I was psychotic, it didn't.

I remember exactly when Noah Garcia4 first appeared on this forum and how she wrote. I knew every single time she started using a new burner account because her previous handles kept getting banned. She could pick any name she wanted, but she couldn't hide the psychosis. Now, thanks to her medication, she isn't psychotic anymore. Her writing actually makes sense, and I was simply trying to commend her for her progress in that last post.

I also vividly remember the time I thought I was perfectly fine. I posted here saying I was stopping all my meds because I felt "universally healthy." Noah Garcia4 told me, "Fine, you aren't taking them now, but you'll end up needing them even more later." She was right. My psychosis returned, and it took me five years to get back to a steady 1mg of Risperdal. It doesn't even cross my mind to stop my treatment now.

In closing, I don't view anyone on this thread dealing with psychotic issues as "crazy." To me, it's just another human experience. From my own life, I am certain that no amount of talking helps except for medication. You have to find that minimum dosage that allows a person to function normally.

Noah Garcia4 said:I actually ran into an old acquaintance recently. She told me—without meaning any offense, of course—that I look perfectly normal. Honestly, why would I be offended? It was actually quite kind of her to notice.
I wonder what she’d think if she read my posts on here. Still, it’s nice to hear. ☕

From my perspective, even your posts on this forum have become much more grounded lately. There is a massive difference compared to how you used to write a few years ago. You seem totally fine now!