I was watching some old highlights the other night—just some classic clips of legends from the early 2000s—and it hit me how much the relationship between a sporting icon and their fan base has fundamentally shifted. There was a time when if you were a player of a certain caliber, you were essentially untouchable. You had this aura of untouchable prestige. You could step away from the pitch, move into management or a high-level administrative role, and the fans would instinctively grant you a certain level of grace. There was an assumption that the "spirit of the game" was baked into your DNA.
But lately, it feels like that grace period has evaporated. It’s not even about the results on the pitch anymore, although God knows we all complain about the results. It’s about the perceived integrity of the people holding the reins.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this "integrity gap." We live in an era where every single move a high-profile figure makes is scrutinized through a lens of commercialism. It used to be that you played for the crest on the shirt. Now, it feels like the crest is just a landing pad for various global interests, some of which feel completely at odds with the traditional values of the sport. When a legendary figure gets tied—even by association or through vague business dealings—to entities that feel "off" or ethically murky, the backlash is instantaneous and savage. And honestly? I don't think the fans are wrong to be angry.
It’s a weird paradox. We demand that our sporting organizations be pure, almost sanctified, yet we live in a world where the money driving everything is increasingly opaque and globalized. We want the romanticism of the "beautiful game," but the business side of it has become a hyper-complex web of sponsorships and offshore interests that would make a forensic accountant dizzy.
I remember back in the day, if a manager or a director made a controversial choice, it was usually about tactics or a bad transfer window. You could argue with them about a 4-4-2 formation. You could debate a substitution. But how do you argue with someone when the criticism is about their fundamental character or their willingness to shake hands with the "wrong" kind of money? Once that trust is broken, the technical skill of the person in charge becomes irrelevant. You can be the most brilliant tactical mind or the most elegant player to ever lace up boots, but if the fans feel you’ve compromised the soul of the institution for a paycheck or a shady partnership, you're done.
It’s led to this cycle of instability. We see these massive organizations stumble, try to pivot by hiring a "name" to restore prestige, only to have that same name become a lightning rod for controversy because of their outside connections. It feels like we're stuck in a loop where the pursuit of commercial stability is constantly crashing into the demand for moral purity.
I wonder if we're reaching a breaking point with this. Can a modern sporting institution actually exist without these murky, high-stakes commercial entanglements? Or are we destined to see every "legend" eventually face a reckoning when their private business interests collide with the expectations of the people who actually pay for the tickets?
Do you think the modern fan has become too unforgiving of the business side of sports, or is this level of scrutiny the only thing keeping these organizations from losing their identity entirely?
I totally forgot to mention that after like a hundred years, I actually ate something and just let it sit there... then I headed straight to the gym and was fighting for my life trying not to throw up. I was just sitting on some bleachers, trying to focus on... man... 🙂 absolute nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh yeah... that old drunkard completely blew his career... 😉))
So I was talking to my brother's girlfriend today—just a friend of his, really. She’s only 17, but she keeps throwing up. She told me she wants to lose weight, so I tried telling her to just stop, but she started making all these excuses. I finally just laid it out for her. I told her, "Look at me, I have bulimia." And you know what she says? She tells me I look perfect. I tried explaining that it doesn't work like that, that there’s no stopping once you start, and that I thought I could control it too, but I can't... blah blah blah. All she said was that she’d bring me a book on healthy eating. I tried to explain that if she gets caught in this cycle, there's no easy way out... stubborn, just like me... so what now?? there you go... here I am, the person who should be helping her, and I'm totally stuck... I'm speechless... Apparently, seeing how I look isn't enough of a warning for her. To her, it looks fine... and he’d probably feel the same... man... what am I supposed to do?? she's just a kid!!!
So, what can I even say? It’s been two weeks since the guy I spent six years with has reached out—all because I told him to just hit me up whenever he actually has some free time... I've been stuck in bed for two days now. Caught a bit of a fever, I think... As for the doctors and that whole situation... Honestly, I’d rather not even go there... If this is how all the doctors and nurses act, being "polite," then I am officially done with them. It honestly makes you feel disgusted with yourself just for showing up... Except for Dr. Miller. I have nothing but respect for her; she is truly incredible... But everyone else? Total trash... Starting Monday, I’m hitting the gym and joining an aerobics class. And I'll be eating again, eventually... I lost weight again because I haven't eaten a thing for days thanks to the stress... Everything else is pretty much the same old story... The one silver lining is that I've finally started getting out of the house... That's about it... And I'll say it again: I don't believe doctors actually help. It's all in my head and inside me...
I’m still totally spiraling from yesterday… I was watching TV and caught one of those "beauty makeover" shows where they just go on and on… You want to lose weight? Buy this and that. Want to get rid of cellulite? Go get this specific treatment… blah blah blah… and then the kicker: if you want a PERFECT body, visit this high-end spa… it just repeats like that until the show ends. It feels like total mental assault. What I don't get is why there isn't a single decent program about how to actually become a better person, or how to value things other than just looks. Like, what books should we be reading? There are so many meaningful things we could be discussing…????????!!!!!!!!!!! But nope!!! We just get shoved toward buying metabolism boosters or apple cider vinegar, or going in for some ridiculous skin tightening session (which costs a whopping $333 per session alone) just so we can look pretty. Meanwhile, our lives are a total wreck, half the country is struggling to eat, and it’s just infuriating. I am definitely still losing my mind here…. My love life??? (Yeah, right) Because of all this stress, my boyfriend hasn't even called me since Friday (after I told him to reach out when he had a free moment).... And honestly, I don't even know what I'd say to him if he did call. The more time passes, the more certain I am that I don't even want to hear from him. To him, his house is clearly more important than his own brother, let alone me… If that's how it is… fine by me… It’s eating me alive!!! I have an exam tomorrow with that professor (the one who thinks I'm more capable when I'm thinner)… and I have no idea how I'm going to face it. I'm pretty sure I'll just cook up some excuse to skip it altogether. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Thanks, Anthony Harris14…
I want attention, sure, but not from people who just don't get me. I really believe I'm going to find someone soon—someone who actually loves me for who I am. If that happens, everything would change. I could finally finish my degree at State University and stop stressing over all this nonsense... But here's the thing... About your friend... I think you can really see the distinction between bulimia and anorexia right there... People with bulimia tend to admit they're struggling, both to themselves and to others. But those with anorexia? They deny it. Their recovery takes way longer and it's much harder (at least, that's what I've read, and what I've experienced myself)... Most people assume you do this just to be noticed, but that's not it at all. Not even close. That isn't why I do it... I do it because I'm terrified of gaining weight... And Mary, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the support, and thanks to everyone else too!!! I went through a phase like this once before... And now?? I'm at the bottom of a deep well... Looking up at that tiny sliver of light above... is it just a mirage, or is that actual light...? All I hear is an echo... All I see is darkness and walls everywhere... Love ya
I know I’m way more... at least, that’s what the people who have actually known me for a long time tell me... Everyone else points out these strengths in me that I just can't see myself. It honestly hurts. It feels like my life is just slipping by while I'm stuck fighting internal battles and wasting energy on people who aren't worth my time—people who don't even deserve a second glance... It’s just sad....
I feel good enough and worthy of food. I just love eating (well, I used to love eating)... I truly savored every single bite... the smell, the flavor... I have no idea where you get the idea that people with anorexia or bulimia are narcissists or egocentric. The real issue is wanting to be liked by others—wanting to look good because (speaking from my own experience) life is just easier now with a smile on my face than it was when I weighed 180 pounds. I think I’m carrying some childhood trauma—I’m pretty sure of it—from not being accepted because I couldn't hold my own in a group. There even are studies showing that people struggling with anorexia or bulimia often had low birth weights or their mothers dealt with complications during pregnancy... I know exactly how much damage I'm doing. I know I need to stop, but I just can't... I'll make it through a couple of days and then I'm right back at it... For you, eating until you're full feels normal. For me, purging feels just as normal. It's my ritual, just like slicing a steak is a routine for someone else... it's just what is normal for me... The fact that you can't talk to her about it... that's actually quite common. Everyone who knows I'm sick avoids the subject. They don't mention it because they honestly don't know what to say... Back when I used to read about bulimia, I always thought it was weird that someone couldn't just stop... I always figured, hey, you can do it... You could try to go back to being the person you were before this started, but you aren't that person anymore... I'm not who I used to be... And it isn't working... It's stronger than you... Like a drug is to an addict... How are you supposed to wrap your head around that? Try reading "Broken Pots" by Jasna Šurin... That's all.
Me, back then... It didn't bother me at all when I weighed 175 lbs. I didn't care if people made comments about how much weight I'd put on. None of it got to me... I was happy. I was taking exams, smiling, content, and totally free of insecurities... I loved going to Target, wearing bikinis at the beach, putting on tight t-shirts. I loved being out in public, hosting friends, visiting people... and most importantly, I was just happy with who I was... But now... I hate it when someone looks at me. Usually, my first thought is that they're judging my weight... I find myself avoiding eye contact because I don't want them looking at me... When I walk down the street, I just stare at the ground. I rarely smile anymore. I hate it when people come over to visit (like yesterday... some aunts showed up after not seeing me for a year, and the second they saw me, it was "Oh, you look great! Let's see that belly!") and I absolutely loathe those comments. I don't want to hear them. I hate going to people's houses because it's always the same thing. I hate going to the grocery store because there's too much food everywhere and I have to constantly control myself so I don't buy anything. I hate going downstairs because I try to avoid the kitchen and the dining room as much as possible. I hate going to campus because there are people everywhere staring. I hate the damn cafeteria because the smells coming from it are constant temptations. I don't even like skinny people because it feels like they can just eat whatever they want without gaining weight. I don't go out because I don't want to run into anyone. I shut myself away. I can't study, I can't think, and I can't enjoy the little things that used to make me incredibly happy. I can't even enjoy a beautiful day because I want to be outside, but I'm terrified of the stares... and the words... So, that’s my life in a nutshell. I go to college because I have to. I head into town because I don't want to face anyone. I don't leave my room because I don't want to be near food. Eventually, it all just boils down to four walls and total loneliness, because how can you explain this to someone who hasn't lived through it? They won't get it... I'm a slave to my own stupidity, to my own thoughts... And the worst part is knowing you're wrong... and feeling powerless to stop it... And I HATE it when someone tells me, "YOU NEVER LOOKED AS PERFECT AS YOU DO NOW!!!" Since when is looking perfect a requirement??? I HAVE NEVER BEEN SICKER THAN I AM RIGHT NOW. I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE MISERABLE OR LONELIER THAN I DO NOW, AND MY LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN THIS TERRIBLE!!!!
Knock knock???!!! Is anyone there??? Don't do it... please, just don't!!!! Right now you're one person... but once you get sick, you aren't you anymore... You won't even be a shadow of who you used to be (and I don't mean physically)... I told my brother yesterday that I was feeling sick after he asked me what was wrong because he barely recognized me... I went from being such a bright, happy person to... this... Just don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are much smarter, healthier ways to handle things... If someone had just been honest with me and shown me what I was headed toward, I never would have started... I'll send you a private message.
At first, everything was just so much harder because I hadn't figured out the technique yet—you know, how you have to force your finger down your throat until the nausea kicks in.. and man, I used to strain so hard... I thought my eyes were actually going to pop out of my head.. By the second day, I realized I needed to stay hydrated to make the vomiting easier, and chewing my food thoroughly helped since there wouldn't be huge chunks left.. The physical strain felt about half as intense as the day before.. Fast forward a year and a half... now I know exactly which foods work best and exactly how much water to drink with them to get it done.. And honestly, I don't even need to use my fingers anymore... I just lean over the sink.... I've used laxatives exactly one time in my life and NEVER AGAIN.... So, what’s your take on all this?? Believe me, nothing.... Just absolutely nothing... The worst part is that walk to the bathroom after a meal, when that thought hits me... thinking it's all starting all over again... But once I'm in the bathroom, it all happens (and yeah, I make sure to run the water so nobody hears).... And you want to know the absolute worst part?? It isn't even feeling ashamed about $33 the food you just ate before you go to purge... You don't buy a gift card for your phone or anything else... you just buy exactly what you're planning to throw up... And then you feel great... 🙂 Love to everyone... And please, let it NEVER even cross your mind to start vomiting. I always thought I could just stop whenever I wanted... maybe I could if I wasn't the kind of person who ended up with bulimia... Now, bulimia is the one running my life. It does the thinking, not me... 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Whoever screws him up 🙂 but I still love him 🙂 even if 😵 if we actually started looking for someone else for me... then maybe someone would finally PROVE there are better guys out there than him 🙂 just to show off to everyone👋
So true... When I told my boyfriend that his mom was basically the driving force behind everything—believe me, I didn't care about any of this back when I was heavier, not until we had that massive blowout—he just looked at me and said she never actually said that, or maybe she did but she didn't mean it like that... Yeah, right... as if... Honestly, who gives a damn about her? She needs a serious reality check so she'll just leave us alone for once... No, seriously, mothers-in-law like that are just fundamentally broken... One hundred percent. They can all just go be normal somewhere else... Love ya... 😉 *paws* 👋
Anthony Harris14, I think everything just clicked for me. It’s all crystal clear now. Six years later and you can't even chew anymore. It’s just like that. Honestly, I just have to focus on keeping my mouth shut when someone starts talking trash to me. I really don't want to get into a fight with my boyfriend because of her, but man, she just won't let it go. She's being incredibly stubborn about it. I’m just sitting here waiting for the next thing to go sideways so she can start giving me hell. If my boyfriend and I aren't picking a fight, she’ll just cook something up out of thin air to get a reaction. And that's just how it goes. She was only 16 when she had him, and he was already 18. She was basically just a kid herself. I’ve walked away from my boyfriend a thousand times because of her. Every single time she messed something up, I was done. My parents used to tell me I was making a huge mistake, though. They kept insisting that I wouldn't be able to actually build a life with her. Look, I get it, but... she’s always going to be a part of my life. 😠 It was always the same old story. "Lose some weight," "Look at yourself," "Did you gain weight?" or "Have you lost weight?" Just constant commentary. Man, people... there's always someone with something to say. I just want to figure out how to stop caring. I need to learn how to stay quiet when she starts up, just let things slide without letting it get under my skin. I really want to find a way to not let it rattle me. Kisses to everyone!
Her comments are always totally off base... NEVER!!! She’s just jealous of me and my other daughter-in-law, plain and simple.... She was actually the one who triggered my bulimia... I just wanted to prove to her and my boyfriend that I could be thin... and that's why I ended up doing what I did... Today she commented on my weight loss, yesterday my sister-in-law said the same thing, and today a friend... they were all grossed out because I don't have any curves anymore.. And honestly, it still isn't enough for me... I feel like I can go even further.... And I hate myself for it.... I just can't stop... I haven't purged in days... but I'm barely eating anything besides some soup and a few grains.... Man, you guys... this is such total sh*t... Kisses to everyone, love you all... THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT...👋
I started on the carrots... and some cereal with just a splash of milk... taking it slow... So, yesterday??? It was my mother-in-law's birthday... I got dressed up and showed up... And then she drops this line on me: "I really hope you didn't walk out of the house with a low neckline, because people would have lost their minds seeing you like that." I just stared at her, totally speechless... What is her problem??? Like, does she seriously think having a decent figure creates an inferiority complex for everyone else? Not gonna happen!!! I told her straight to her face that I actually have something to show off, and I'm proud of it—plus, I certainly wouldn't want to be flat-chested like some people (yeah, I was talking about her, since she's got nothing going on, and even my modest size feels like too much for her)... Total disaster... She’s just sitting there looking for any way to take a dig at me... Oh, and get this—her gift to me was a box of chocolates (...clearly just trying to make me gain weight)... 😠 👋 Watch your backs!!!
So here I am... Got home today... my dog is feeling pretty under the weather, so I'm just hanging out, petting him and keeping an eye on him... Nothing much happened in Chicago. My doctor scheduled me for this Friday... yeah, this coming Friday... So, there isn't really much to report... I'm still basically living on tomato soup, juice, and the occasional yogurt. I just can't stomach anything else right now. Still haven't gotten back to studying, either. Just feeling nervous and pretty miserable... Lost in my own life, honestly... I'm just holding onto the hope that psychotherapy will actually work because.... It’s going to be fine. It just needs time... more time... 😉👋 😘 😘
I don't have class this Thursday, so I'm heading into NYC with a friend. 😉 And tomorrow I'll be in Canada, where we usually grab some kebabs (always)... so tomorrow is going to be... well... It's not that I don't want them, I just can't... Today at the cafeteria... I ordered tomato and leek soup... I finished the soup in no time. But the leeks? Gross. I was trying to force myself to eat them while the girls around me were tearing into pizza, lasagna, and hot dogs. I'm just sitting there moving things around my plate. Finally, I take a bite and it's SOUR... yep! I just laughed it off and told them it was spoiled. Does anyone have tips on how to actually enjoy stuff like that? I've never liked it. I always ate it because I had to... My brother works at the Marriott and he’s an amazing cook... but I still can't eat this stuff. It's just not good to me... even when everyone else is licking their fingers over plain old cauliflower...
😘 See you all online this Thursday. As for my boyfriend... he waited until I went to bed to eat, just so he wouldn't tempt me...